Sister forum[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Derpmind Sat Apr 26, 2014 9:23 pm
SilentCarto wrote:Well, you see, I got into reading it because I've been asked to edit a chapter. So it's apparently still active.
It's still a story that's very slow to release new chapters. If you're in contact with the author, why not ask about it? The hints were obviously put in without Somber being informed.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by SilentCarto Sat Apr 26, 2014 9:34 pm
Well... I'm technically in contact with the author of Night's Favoured Child, but I'll certainly ask.Derpmind wrote:It's still a story that's very slow to release new chapters. If you're in contact with the author, why not ask about it? The hints were obviously put in without Somber being informed.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by SilentCarto Sat Apr 26, 2014 11:40 pm
Wanderer D says, "Nope, no misinterpretation [about the hints at PH] but that's a few chapters away. About 10 or so."
Kinda seems like he's making an ass of you and umption, but I suppose he doesn't actually need an author's permission to write in their universe, even if they're not willing to collaborate.
Kinda seems like he's making an ass of you and umption, but I suppose he doesn't actually need an author's permission to write in their universe, even if they're not willing to collaborate.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Sun Apr 27, 2014 12:26 am
So, Chapter 66 (or at least the first two thirds or so of it). Oh my. :)
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Somber Sun Apr 27, 2014 12:42 am
To refine... [Takei] "Oh my!" [/Takei]
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Sun Apr 27, 2014 12:58 am
I wasn't going to reveal that much, but you're the author. :)
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Borsuq Sun Apr 27, 2014 3:57 am
I would have assumed that "Oh my!" would be said about chapter 69. ;p
On the side note, the anticipation is killing.
On the side note, the anticipation is killing.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Shady Sun Apr 27, 2014 6:45 am
Talking about killing, I just realised that Rampage more or less is the FOE version of Deadpool. Both are practically immortal, have multiple persons in their head and are crazy as fuck basically.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Harmony Ltd. Sun Apr 27, 2014 8:18 am
Except one doesn't lean on the 4th wall as much as the other. Or at all, really.
Also, one is motivated by suicidal tendencies, while the other does it for the lulz as far as I know.
Also, one is motivated by suicidal tendencies, while the other does it for the lulz as far as I know.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Valikdu Sun Apr 27, 2014 11:18 am
[Out of the blue]
This is what PH would have been like if Somber was not good.
This is what PH would have been like if Somber was not good.
- Spoiler:
![[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 14 597312__solo_twilight+sparkle_questionable_semi-dash-grimdark_tara+strong_metal+gear_voice+actor+joke_imminent+death_metal+gear+solid_pacifica+ocean](http://derpicdn.net/img/view/2014/4/10/597312__solo_twilight+sparkle_questionable_semi-dash-grimdark_tara+strong_metal+gear_voice+actor+joke_imminent+death_metal+gear+solid_pacifica+ocean.png)
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Derpmind Sun Apr 27, 2014 1:19 pm
SilentCarto wrote:Wanderer D says, "Nope, no misinterpretation [about the hints at PH] but that's a few chapters away. About 10 or so."
Kinda seems like he's making an ass of you and umption, but I suppose he doesn't actually need an author's permission to write in their universe, even if they're not willing to collaborate.
SilentCarto wrote:So, Somber, I understand you'll eventually be writing (already wrote?) a chapter of The Sweetie Belle Chronicles...
"Butts!"
Also, at the rate that story releases chapters, PH is going to be finished before that chapter will. That's, like, long enough to be in another universe, practically.
Somber wrote:To refine... [Takei] "Oh my!" [/Takei]
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Harmony Ltd. Sun Apr 27, 2014 6:03 pm
Legate x Steelrain
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Scienza Sun Apr 27, 2014 6:06 pm
Cogs!Jack x BlackjackHarmony Ltd. wrote:Legate x Steelrain
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Guest Sun Apr 27, 2014 6:07 pm
Blackjack is floored yet again by a ship out of nowhere.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Borsuq Sun Apr 27, 2014 6:43 pm
Harmony Ltd. wrote:Legate x Steelrain
Well... that would explain that "five minutes" thing...
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Sun Apr 27, 2014 7:39 pm
![[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 14 Somber11](https://i.servimg.com/u/f31/17/51/22/96/somber11.jpg)
66! :D
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Scienza Sun Apr 27, 2014 8:03 pm
AWWWWWW YEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Sun Apr 27, 2014 8:09 pm
Oh, yes, and I would like to publicly welcome Heartshine to the editing team. :)
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by WavemasterRyx Sun Apr 27, 2014 8:59 pm
Got my copy downloaded with no trouble this time, yay. I'll definitely be looking forward to reading it tonight. *hugs Somber and Hinds*O. Hinds wrote:66! :D
Oh, yes, and I would like to publicly welcome Heartshine to the editing team. :)
And welcome, Heartshine!
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Silver136 Sun Apr 27, 2014 10:19 pm
That chapter was pretty depressing in an odd sort of way...
- Spoiler:
- And it made me kinda hate Luna, something I never expected...
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Borsuq Sun Apr 27, 2014 10:20 pm
- Chapter 66:
![[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 14 Obama-hes-dead](https://2img.net/h/theawesomeboston.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/obama-hes-dead.gif)
Finally! Steel Rain, the second most hated by me fictional character is dead! Praise Queen Whiskey!![[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 14 Tdba88f_hes-dead-jim](https://2img.net/h/www.allmystery.de/i/tdba88f_hes-dead-jim.jpg)
![[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 14 18s09294q7elujpg](https://2img.net/h/i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--kADWmv8R--/18s09294q7elujpg.jpg)
But, what is even more important, Blackjack is okay! I'm so happy!
So, other than that... awesome chapter. It's amazing that despite the fact that just the previous chapter we had finally learned what is ePONYmous "Project Horizons", we get so many surprises this chapter. With how Blackjack's mind survived, the other realm, bat ponies, Princess Luna, Goldenblood... wow!
I really liked how Blackjack beat Steel Rain. No, not just because I hate that- oh, sorry, hatED that douche ;p He's dead now, hehehehehe... Ughm, so... What I meant was just how she fought him, without any gun and cybernetics. Her running around and teleporting was a lot like... well, what we actually get on the show. Though granted, those Aztec ponies that served Ahui-whathisname and got actually owned by the Mane6 just running around, aren't exactly the same opponents as a (former?) Steel Ranger, but still. And how she beat him with the moonstone was just awesome!
This reminds me... his armor was made of starmetal, right? But... wasn't it mentioned in the original Fallout: Equestria that starmetal is poisonous for ponies?- Spoiler for something else, that doesn't really matter, like points on Whose Line is it Anyway ;p:
- Because if not, then one of my ideas for my own side-story kinda need to be altered...
So, Charm... damn it. Who the hell f***s a little girl, who is the daughter of your boss, when she just offers that to you?! I mean, morality aside, you have to be a moron to not think that this might backfire. I know we guys think sometimes with our reproductive organs (which is way the praying mantis' male can still copulate with his mate after she eats his head off, btw. Scienced!) but damn... paraphrasing what Dr House (... you know, the character played by Hugh Lauire) had once said: bucks in Project Horizons make me ashamed to dangle. Yeah, I know that mares are here just as bad sometimes (the Overmare... and majority of Stable 99, come to think of it), but so far, we didn't have a mare nai- BRRRrrrrhhrhhr, still cannot talk about that one, brrrrhrhrhr...
Where was I? Oh right, Charm. Well, congratulations, Somber, you made me feel sorry for her. King Awesome wasn't a very good parent, wasn't he? He should have... I dunno, explain to Charm what a leader should be, and such? Not just ask her "if she wouldn't want a doll instead" or something. Geez, are all of the parents like that? Never being serious with their kids? Giving them runarounds? If she was clever enought to... well, do all those things, she would have handled a more grown up converstation. Hey, how old is she, anyway?
Also, is it just me, or does she have this Cersei Lannister vibe coming from her? Or rather, her past at the beginning has, now I belive she had changed.
That Discord... I don't know if I should be amazed how he managed to outwit everybody... or even more amazed that all he did was move them like a few feet away. Damn he's good. But... where is Boo?
I really like how Dawn had redeemed herself in there a bit. How she tried to save Blackjack, and how she even scored a hit at Steel Rain, despite her state. But... I like even more how she interacted with Charm. I must admit, over her last few appearances you could forget that she was a mother. Nice to see this motherly side of her. Calling Charm "child"...
Snips... wait, he was a talking head? As in, Fallout and Fallout 2 talking head? HA! Good one ;p! But yeah, he did good. I would say that I am sorry about him dying, but... aside from him being in such a state that it would actually was better for him to die, I didn't care much for him. Not after that soul thing he did to Blackjack way back, nor after what he did in the previous chapter. Plus, he brought an Ursa Major into Ponyville once. Natural selection, folks.
So, the bat ponies' place... the "Bat Cave", if you will... is having orgies? I...'m not sure that is actually the fastest and best way to increase the population's genpull. I'm pretty sure this is Whisper just fucking with them. Ha, see what I did there? I went literal!
...
Sorry about that one, been playing Fallout New Vegas the other day, and just got into the Big Empty. Got those converstations with the brains still fresh in my br- mind.
Hades and Persephone... you know, as a half-Greek person, I really like those names. I didn't like Blackjack bowing so much, she is a Queen too. Basically, their equal. Queen up! But yeah, Hades is a d**k. His view on the matter is, of course, understandable, but I think even Switzerland would get a move on when they would hear about the entire world around them dying. There is a point where being neutral is just plain stupid (then again, as a half-Polish person, one that actually knows his nation's history, I must admit that the other option isn't always the best one...). Also, Goldenblood was there for the past 200 years and none of them had noticed? I guess those ears are just for show, then...
Speaking off, what is exactly the arrey of bat ponies abilities? I'm asking as the main character in my story (which I will make a separete post in this forum within the next month [Jessie Cox: "Advertise like shameless whores"], need to prepare some things) is a bat pony, and I had hoped to stay in canon with Project Horizons, among some other side-stories of Fallout: Equestria (and the original one, too, of course)... to some extent ;p
Also, am I the only one that wonders how would this chapter ended if Hades personality was... based on another Hades. Like, from some Disney movie, maybe? I know this wouldn't work, but, you know, just the thought is hilarious.
Back to the subject... hey, Whiper is back! Awesome! Now... have her beat Rampage sensless... sorry, but now I really dislike her. DAWN was a better mother than her as of late. Sorry, but seeing Rampage was a mother herself, and let Cogs take Blackjack baby away and just walk away, was just.... ugh, what a bitch! I really, really hope (even if I know this won't happen) Blackjack will tell her to get lost after this is all over. Especially if what was in that dream thing was true, and she is with Cogs and everybody and pretends that everything is okay...
That reminds me. Cogs in Blackjack's body. A pregnant body. A body that is going through a lot of hormones... please tell me they are going to be too busy with everything for her to experiment with having some organic parts in her. I mean for Glory's sake. I can undestand having sex with random bat ponies and a douche (he know she was taken! Gald to see the nobles have as much honor as one could expect...), but not with the mortal enemy number one. Also I really hope Cogs will be too busy to tell everypony about the baby, cause I am waiting since December for a "reaction shot".
Oh, and... am I right to think that it would be best to not mention the bat ponies that the mortal enemy number one is technically (again, gone literal) Luna?
Luna... oh, she was... I mean, everything I could scratch off, even threatening the Ministry Mares, but... she caused, unintentionally, Goldenblood to say "Luna", which let to... That's just sad. I wonder how she must have felt... if she knew. She knew they broke up of course, but did she knew that it was because of her? Or what it let to? She knew Fluttershy was pregnant...
I... think this wraps everything up... I kinda wrote a lot here, huh?
So, now we have to wait for Blackjack to track down Goldenblood, beat the shit out of him, convince Hades to go to the real Equestria, break Cogs horn off, get her baby to Glory's body, stop Horizons and Tokomare, and have a sexy dance party!
What?! You say we don't need a sexy dance party?
PS: Mother's instinct to protect her child is one of the strongest things there are. If she carries it, she will run from danger (well, usually). If its hurt, she will be pissed.
Blackjack doesn't have to worry about her baby being hurt as she goes into fight now... but it's in danger.
Honestly, I am waiting for her to just go on a rampage. I would think even Legate (or whatever name he goes by, somebody can give me a list?) would think "oh, shit" and run away from a pissed of mother.
That having said, I would like to remind us all, that being in a new body means that she probably is a vergin again. A maiden. A mother. The Maiden of the Stars.
...
A Virgin Mother? Wait, I think I heard that one somewhere...
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Vergil Mon Apr 28, 2014 12:35 am
Welp, Steel Rain is Caboose. Pack it in, we're doomed.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Icy Shake Mon Apr 28, 2014 12:56 am
Glad I saw the Somber Signal when I did. Too late to do more tonight, so higher-level stuff tomorrow. It was quite a ride, though. Thank you, Somber and the brushing team, for the work put in. I hope that one of the applications pans out, too. I wouldn't wish unemployment on anyone.
- Chapter Sixty Six Running Thoughts:
- And she had a father who loved her more than anything… well, perhaps not more than anything. Not more than his precious little Society, or his legacy, or his collection of baubles and trinkets, but she was somewhere on the list on things he loved. Towards the bottom.
Well someone's bitter.
But the Barbarian was a stupid cunt who ruined everything! Everything!
Well, it's not like she's the only one who thinks that.
You know, the start had me really thinking that I could at least start to feel worse for her. But her patent awfulness and my strong suspicion that her perceptions weren't all that based in reality dashed that pretty quickly.
Also, just how many pedophiles did the Society have, and why was it more prevalent there than elsewhere?
“And at last Blackjack is out of the picture. Discord failed to interfere. All is as it should be.”
“Yes, his pitiful failure was quite extraordinary,” the Knight chuckled. “I hadn’t quite expected him to turn to dust but-“
Steel Rain: not as smart as he thinks he is, at least where the really out there is concerned.
The statement made the zebra freeze. “Discord was here?” the Vizier muttered.
In contrast . . .
“You don’t know that!” the Vizier hissed. “Discord. Pinkie Pie. Blackjack. You have no idea how dangerous they are. You think killing makes a pony dangerous! Killing is nothing! Knowledge. Interference. Those are dangerous, fool!” He spat the last word so sharply that the Knight took a step back. “If he was here, it was for a reason! Why Dawn? Why Snips?”
Oh yeah, Amadi gets it.
Okay, so he's been around well over a thousand years. Wonder just what he meant by "elevated the Princesses," though. Just the same as legitimizing their roles?
“Stars of the dark places. Stars of ash. Stars of death. I beseech thee. Tell me the dance of your circles. How has Discord marred your celestial orbits? Please! I beg thee. Ashtur. Dagon. Namtar. Show me…”
A blue-white glow surrounded him, cold and clear, and his anger stilled. A frigid shaft of light seemed to drop upon him, and the air around him groaned and crackled. A sickly green glow began to shine out of his chest, pulsing with each beat. “Things have gone awry…” he began,
Interesting mix of star names. Also, I wasn't expecting anything quite so direct, but man that's creepy.
“What are you doing?” the Knight groaned. “What is that light?” It throbbed like veins of green light within the Vizier’s hide.
All this has not been flattering to Steel Rain.
“And she is no more?” More hissing whispers. They rose and fell, and made the zebra frown. “Blackjack is broken…” He muttered the phrase as if tasting it and finding it to his liking. “Good. Then all is accounted for,” he said as he rose to his hooves, his face sublime with confidence as the glow faded.
For a guy who knows the vagaries of prophesy and believes Blackjack's talent is victory, he's sure making a miscalculation here. "Broken" and "no more" are very different things.
“That striped bastard thinks he can talk to me like that? Me? I’ll show him and his fucking stars who owns this world. I won’t serve anyone. Not him or Cognitum or Dawn or Crunchy Carrots. Me. I’m the one who should be in charge. I won’t be second to anyone. Anyone!”
So all this time Steel Rain's just been a petulant brat of the ilk of Charm or the overmare? Too bad. Or maybe he's just having a bad moment.
“All the time. I’m always getting hurt. My body. My heart. My soul. Always getting hurt. People always shoot me. Even my friends shot me. Glory shot me in the face… but it’s okay. It was an accident,” the Princess muttered weakly.
This is unexpected, but I did think it odd when the being shot was first mentioned. But the way the story was told certainly doesn't make it seem like we're looking at a full overwrite.
Everypony knows you hate them, and probably think you’ll kill ‘em the second it suits you… ‘cause you will.” She closed her eyes. “I used to be just like you. Then I got wires stuck in my head. Now I’m not so stupid anymore.
Self awareness from one of the spoiled brats? Nice! Also, that three sentence story is hilarious.
“STAY AWAY FROM MY KIDS!” the Revenant screamed in near feral rage as the maroon ghoul opened his jaws wide, pink cloud boiling up his throat.
At first I was a little confused here because I thought "Revanant" was an actual thing in context.
“Each of those arms carries one point twenty-one gigasparks, at least. It’d vaporize you,” Dawn said immediately.
Hehe.
“Not instantly, though. I’m a soul jar, albeit a flawed and improperly prepared one. I should last long enough to get Blackjack back. I might even survive. Wouldn’t that be a laugh?” he said hollowly. “Once we do have the body, though, how do we get Blackjack back inside?”
So was the thing last chapter just an act? A necessary move to save himself? This doesn't sound like a guy who has nothing left but necromancy.
The Golem tilted her head and blinked cluelessly. “It would be more efficient and effective to contact paramedics and have Mr. Horse taken to a Ministry of Peace medical center. He seems to have lost most of his epidermis.”
This dialog. This dialog.
The Princess fell the last ten feet, landing hard and almost falling over, but she didn’t bother to fully regain her footing before scrambling scrambled over to the waterlogged mare. The plastic-covered moonstone talisman still hung around her neck. She carefully pressed her ear to the white unicorn’s side. She waited a moment. She heard the heavy thud of a heart beat within. “She’s alive!” the Princess shouted, smiling up at the skull trapped in the electrified gap.
Interesting how the "Barbarian" has been dropped.
“Do it,” a choking, mottled voice hissed. Everyone froze at the horrid sight of the skinned stallion lifting his head. Blood dripped down his lips. “You’re trying to transfer an intelligence, right?”
Ah, the resiliance of the Canterlot ghoul. Oh, Horse isn't dead. Never mind.
“Fortunately, my compatriot has the means to destroy her with ease. She’ll go to the moon and fix Horizons so it’ll fire where we want it to, and the Core will be restored. Then we kill her on the way back.” The power-armored stallion tapped his nose. “I’ll have to deal with the Legate when it’s over. That fuck is too sneaky to trust, but I’ll have the whole Core at my disposal. I’ll get him, one way or another.”
This guy is made of stupid. Stupid and overconfidence. Which, bearing in mind we're talking Equestria here, is a much bigger weakness than faith in your friends.
“Shut. Up,” the Knight said, then stomped down hard. His hoof crushed the ghoul’s skull like a silver hammer hitting a rotten egg.
Ah, but did it make sure that he was dead?
“You murderer!” the broken Lady cried out at him.
Coming from her?! Also, no shit.
“Oh, you have no right to talk,” the Knight countered. “It’s time to tie up loose ends.”
See, even he agrees.
He lowered his guns at the Barbarian.
Okay, so it's back now.
“Once the transfer is complete, we need to get medical attention for Mr. Horse immediately! He’s a very important pony, you know.”
And he hasn't forgotten that, either.
The Golem, however, smiled benignly as the blast ripped her synthetic body apart, the sturdy frame ripping in half and sending the remains bouncing over the remaining pair of ponies.
And so dies the nicest person in the room.
“You… no!” Steel Rain shouted as I set her on my back. “What does it take to kill you?”
“Sometimes I wonder that too,” I said, more to myself than to him.
Lost audience interest?
As much as I’d have liked some barding and as useful as my augments would be right now, I couldn’t help but love every sensation inside me. My heart beating, my stomach growling, my shoulders aching, my ears ringing… each and every one was a reminder that I was alive now.
I didn't think I'd get to see this. Not as high a high as Blackjack's realization in the air that she no longer wanted to die, but still sweet.
I examined the medallion. My best weapon? How was it a weapon? It was just a piece of moonstone covered in plastic. How could I use it as a weapon? What was I supposed to do, hit him with it? I would do better teleporting Charm and me to the elevator and getting the hay out of here!
Well, you've got quite a bit of starmetal around . . .
“No. I might kill her after you,” he countered in a voice that made me imagine a shit-eating grin on his face. “Maybe I will. I’m in a real bad mood right now. But maybe I’ll hold onto her.
This part is always frustrating. But there was the spoiler.
She sniffed and smiling bitterly at me. “You’re the only pony who’s ever wanted to save me, Blackjack.”
. . . So this time, let me save you.
So, earlier today reading 44, I was reminded of Hamlet when Blackjack was thinking that if she died, she might be allowed to dream. Now, I'm seeing shades of A Tale of Two Cities as Charm does a far, far better thing than she's ever done for somebody who shared, if only for a time, her body—and also, in this case, memories.
And I felt myself grin as I threw the sliver of moonstone against him again. It blew out another chunk of armor from his side.
Just how much radiation is she taking from this?
“I don’t care! I don’t care if you were brainwashed by your father into becoming a sex slave for Crunchy Carrots who tortured you for failing to conquer the Wasteland. You’re dying right now!”
Ah, will this be Blackjack's equivalent of Autumn Leaf? On the one hand, it would be so satisfying for her to at last mete out the death her antagonist so richly deserves, but on the other . . . I just want her to be a good pony.
But then, it does seem he can still fight, though he's trying to surrender.
Then, the fucker did the one thing I’d hoped he wouldn’t. He raised his bloody hooves in the air and shouted as loud as he could, “I give up!”
Still concerned, but looking better.
“You lying, betraying shit! Why should I think you’re going to do what you say? The first chance you have, you’ll try and kill me. It’s your fucking nature!” I shouted at him.
He gave me an exhausted, ragged smile, blood dripping from a puffy gash beneath his eye. “Because, deep down, in your heart of hearts… you’re an optimist,” he countered, struggling to breathe as sweat rolled down his pink hide.
Pulling it back around to chapter five, huh? I always did like that line from P-21.
“You’re right. I really do want you to do better.” He gave a nervous little smile. Then I slammed him in the face with my hooves, knocking him back over the edge. He scrambled for purchase and caught in a gap in the rails. “But even my optimism has limits.”
nooooo
But still, just leaving him to die? Why didn’t I just shoot him in the head while I was at it?
Well, the most likely place Autumn Leaf was shot was in the head, but it wasn't explicitly stated, I think.
“You are going to be tilling fields for the Society for the rest of your life,” I muttered.
yay
For a moment, one could almost believe he was thinking of turning over a new leaf. Starting a new chapter in his life. Wanting to do better. “You’re a good pony, Blackjack.” Despite myself, I smiled with him.
Then he lunged forward, ramming us hard over the edge with a body slam.
GOD DAMN HE'S STUPID. How did Blackjack ever think he was smart?
I’d never managed much in the way of distance before, but now I was a third my previous weight. Maybe I could make it?
Okay, that gets her nine times as far as she could manage before, and she's probably absorbed more radiation than normal thanks to all the starmetal/moonstone interactions. But would the latter matter for a unicorn?
I moved behind the desk and was further surprised by a number of photographs. The Ministry Mares before they’d become the Ministry Mares. Princess Luna and Princess Celestia. Spike. A half dozen pictures of Fluttershy. A school in a valley shaped like a crescent moon. Pumpkin and Pound Cake. Psalm. And a very faded picture of a unicorn mare I didn’t recognize.
That's a little surreal, a real coincidence. From 44:
I was shocked to see how many pictures he had on his desk. Fluttershy was first and foremost, smiling as she held a little bunny, but next to her was Luna hugging an embarrassed-looking, unscarred Goldenblood. There were Twilight Sparkle and an adolescent Spike in his cave, sitting on his hoard. Applejack and Applesnack looking equally uncomfortable at some fancy function. An incredibly young-looking Pinkie Pie dancing around a toothless lizard with her friends. Rainbow Dash flying in formation. Rarity wearing a stunning dress in black and red.
And there, on the top of the desk, was a dusty nameplate that read ‘Goldenblood: Director of the O.I.A.’ Horse’s memories were of Pinkie sealing this place after Goldenblood’s arrest.
So they never got rid of his nameplate between the time he was out and when he was arrested?
One letter written by some politician about forcibly relocating zebras from Zebratown to the Appleloosan desert with the ‘other riff raff’ had the comment ‘Relocate to the Appleloosan desert’ over a drawing of a bound and gagged unicorn stallion being loaded on a train with a tag ‘To: Riff Raffia’ tied to his ear.
Gotta like that.
Yet in other notes, there were instructions to arrange ‘sympathizer’ attacks on members of the Apple family. ‘Prune the rotten branches’ was the phrase used for killing ponies in position of power. Goldenblood had lists of the ponies to be used, promoted, or removed as benefited the war effort. ‘We are the grease that keeps the wheels of the kingdom turning. Slimy, disgusting, and unappreciated, but vital.’
Unpleasant, and I wish I knew if there were a better way of getting the Apples out of places they didn't really belong than assassination.
Knowing my luck, it would be something completely random.
You mean someone knows how to make a secure password? Unpossible!
There, on the back of a picture of Fluttershy in a volunteer nurse’s outfit, I saw a tiny note written in Goldenblood’s impeccable writing: ‘The most important things.’
The most important things? To Goldenblood? I’d heard this. I wracked my memory, trying to think it through. Goldenblood had said this to somepony at some point. Not family. Not money. Not power… I stared at the terminal and carefully typed ‘Love, Loyalty, and Secrets’.
The screen flickered, text scrolled, and then it flickered again.
Now I feel let down.
> THERE SHALL BE ONLY ONE PRINCESS. I PLEDGE MY LIFE TO ETERNAL DARKNESS. I SWEAR MY LOYALTY TO THE UNENDING BLACK. ALL HAIL NIGHTMARE MOON. MAY THE NIGHT LAST FOREVER!
Dafuq?
Then I felt a wind sweep over me and turned to see a black vortex of magic forming. It swirled around in a flat, ebony disk, then stilled. The surface shimmered like a pool of black ink hanging vertically in the air. “Well… this is new…” I muttered. I carefully reached out with a hoof, pressing it to the disk. It sank in, disappearing to some place cool. The moon? That seemed like some heavy duty magic to me.
That's cool. The Nightmare, or some component of it, perhaps? Would attune to the moon.
The walls were of blackest marble shot through with veins of amethyst. Cold, imposing black statues loomed over us, their crystalline eyes seeming to follow me as I stepped away from the portal. With a slurping noise, it winked shut behind us.
Black Pony Mountain?
I found a set of the dark purple barding and slipped it on, then levitated a spear. Not exactly ideal weapons, but at least I wasn’t naked and unarmed anymore.
Batponies?
I pushed the door open and beheld the glistening, undulating mass of pony flesh that was an orgy. Over two beds, a half dozen mares and a half dozen stallions were vigorously engaging in coital relations. Half of them were batponies like Stygius. The other half were unicorns, pegasi, and an earth pony. I stood in the wash of sweat and semen that rolled out the open door in a sweet, salty pong.
So, yes on batponies. Did not expect an orgy here, though.
“Blackjack? It is you! How the hell did you get here? What do you think you’re doing? Who is that?” She gestured to Charm with a wing.
No "What happened to your cyberlegs and eyes and stuff?"?
“Hey, I don’t hear you complaining about not being obligated to fuck your brother anymore! Honestly, I finally find a community I feel comfortable in, where family members regularly fuck each other, and they still act like it's a bad thing.
How much of this was Swicked?
“But... but so many will die!” I protested weakly.
He gave another wave of his hoof. “Very well. A few dozen more breeders can be brought over, your friends included. Will that halt your wailing?”
Wow. What an ass.
Then the door to the building opened, and a pony-shaped form emerged. Like everything else around me, she was ghostly and translucent like smoky quartz. A pale white glow in her chest spread light through her. I reached out and touched her wing as she trotted around to the side of the building and sat down. I stared at her face, slowly picking her features out. I stared for a minute, then whispered softly, “Glory?”
She didn’t react. I bit one forehoof to keep from crying out as I reached out and touched her cheek with my other. Like everything else here, it was the same hard, immutable surface. “Glory. Oh Glory. I’m here, Glory. I’m finally here.”
That's kind of depressing.
The dark purple shape turned and looked at me, its head slipping out of the cloudy shell of my body. Step by step it emerged, regarding me with cool teal eyes. “It is not in my power to grant you that, Blackjack.”
That is awesome. Looking forward to how this plays out.
That she hadn’t been responsible for all that. But hadn’t I been kicking myself for months for the ponies I had killed? How would I feel if I’d killed millions? I swallowed hard, struggling to find an answer contrary to one condemning her. “It was Fluttershy... she made the first megaspells. The zebras made the balefire bombs. Goldenblood... he... he manipulated you! He was working behind the scenes, doing things.”
When have you taken that easy road out, Blackjack? You think Luna would, even if everything you said were the unvarnished truth?
“Because when she dreams, she dreams of babies,” Luna said with a roll of her eyes. “And bunnies. And you.”
And I ain't got time for that saccharine bullshit.
I tore my eyes away for several moments. “No. That wasn’t you. This is some sort of... something.”
“I wasn’t a prude like my sister, Blackjack.
Well, I'm not sure how true that is, given the end of FoE.
Goldenblood stared at her. “And when it comes time to clean house?”
Luna didn’t answer for several seconds, then turned to face him. “Well, I imagine that that won’t be your concern. As you said, I can manage without you now. But some of the Ministry Mares are going to have to answer for the things they’ve done.” The threat was lightly spoken, but it hung in the air like a sword.
“Very well,” Goldenblood said as he averted his eyes. “I’ll stay.”
That's hardball. She sure knows where to hit. But then, who would know better?
“Still, our relationship was never the same after that. He was increasingly... resistant. Effective, ruthless, oh yes... but a wall had gone up between us. He avoided sleep, waiting until he was exhausted and fell into dreamless slumber. He kept secrets from me. I didn’t think he could, but he did,” she said with a slow shake of her head.
Seriously? NOBODY COULD HAVE SEEN THIS COMING! NOBODY!
“I just wanted to protect my people. I just wanted to do better than Celestia... for once,” Luna begged.
Why all the continued games, then? Do you want Cognitum to succeed or not? Not much clarity here. But we'll see.
- Chapter Sixty Six Editing:
- the kingdom falling, chaos reigning... Okay, apparently it was all because
should have second space after ellipsis
and neither were worth a big pile of Brahmin poop.
"neither was": neither and either are singular
"Brahmin" shouldn't be capitalized
He served a powerful Sorceress with power greater than that of the Barbarian queen,
should "queen" be capitalized?
“You zebras and your stripes,” The Knight replied with a laugh,
“I don’t plan on being vaporized,” The Knight answered.
“Please,” The Knight interrupted with a shake of his head.
"The" shouldn't be capitalized
“I hadn’t quite expected him to turn to dust but-“
should end with dash (which would also correct the quotation mark's orientation)
His hooves hooked around The Knight’s neck,
Then The Knight turned away, and the zebra gave the tiniest shake of his head.
"the" shouldn't be capitalized
Princess said as she hugged the smashed torso and head like a runover windup toy.
I think that in this usage "runover" would be two words, or hyphenated
The Dark Magician replied immediately. “Because there’s none
only one space after period
“Stop. P…please… stop…” the former steel ranger muttered weakly, metal hooves clenched against his helmet.
"steel ranger" should be capitalized
The two tumbled off the maneframe’s platform, the Revenant springing on top of the Ranger.
"Ranger" seems out of place here surrounded by all the Charm-isms. Would it be better as "Knight"?
Princess with a wing stub. “Please, boost her up
only one space after period
heavily around her neck and the dark Magician’s radiant bones
"dark" should be capitalized
this stings a bit… ow… Ow!
should have second space after second ellipsis
The princess scrambled down to it as swiftly as she could.
"princess" should be capitalized
the Dark magician asked.
"magician" should be capitalized
“I’m sorry Mr. Horse.
comma after "sorry"
“Now, hold still and let’s make this–.”
extraneous period?
I teleported again, over to where the bloody trail lead to Horse lying bleeding next to the ruined
"led" not "lead"
“I… maybe?” I didn’t have time for any kind of finesse really.
should have second space after quotation
‘Goldenblood,’ I thought, and grabbed a feeble memory,
comma to outside of quotation marks?
and rolled as his hooves stomped down. Each impact dented the floor plates
only one space after period
I struck the edge of the maneframe, laying on my back and watched the hoof drop towards my head.
"laying" to "lying"
-“”Yeah, yeah. Just a second. (also double quotation mark at the start)
-again with my magic. “Murdering, betraying,
-purchase and caught in a gap in the rails. “But even my optimism has limits.”
three spaces after period
Surprisingly, there were also a carving of a zebra done in veined black and white marble, a dragon in glittering crystal, and a griffin intricately whittled from warm yellow and tan wood.
"were also carvings of"
from Zebratown to the Appleloosan desert with the ‘other riff raff’ had the comment ‘Relocate to the Appleloosan desert’ over
Just to be sure: "Appleloosan desert" is not the name of a geographical feature?
A really, really, inbred stable.”
remove second comma?
Still, I could help but imagine what these ponies would look like in a generation or two.
"couldn't help"
awkward, bow to her. “Your majesty.”
"majesty" should be capitalized
“You... I... How can you–
second space after second ellipsis, or no capitalization of "How"
“Thank you for your time, your majesty,”
"your majesty" should be capitalized
as I wept as well. I put my hooves
she bowed her head. “No matter how you
only one space after period
I know ponies who’s fuckups have killed millions.
"whose"
His his pristine white hide suddenly became striped with livid pink scars,
duplicate "his"
sheets as he murmured in his sleep ‘Princess Luna.’
period to outside of quotation marks
Luna signed and trotted over, putting a hoof on top of his.
"sighed"?
I a list of ponies to purge from the Ministries, and all of them were on it.
"I had", "I made"? Some verb is needed there.
“LittlePip used Spike’s to travel into the SPP hub!
"S.P.P."
Icy Shake- Alicorn
- Posts : 1209
Brohoof! : 308
Join date : 2012-06-05
Age : 35
Location : Boston, MA
Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Mon Apr 28, 2014 1:50 am
Ah, thank you very much.Icy Shake wrote:Glad I saw the Somber Signal when I did. Too late to do more tonight, so higher-level stuff tomorrow. It was quite a ride, though. Thank you, Somber and the brushing team, for the work put in. I hope that one of the applications pans out, too. I wouldn't wish unemployment on anyone.
- Chapter Sixty Six Running Thoughts:
Well someone's bitter.
But the Barbarian was a stupid cunt who ruined everything! Everything!
Well, it's not like she's the only one who thinks that.
You know, the start had me really thinking that I could at least start to feel worse for her. But her patent awfulness and my strong suspicion that her perceptions weren't all that based in reality dashed that pretty quickly.
Also, just how many pedophiles did the Society have, and why was it more prevalent there than elsewhere?
“And at last Blackjack is out of the picture. Discord failed to interfere. All is as it should be.”
“Yes, his pitiful failure was quite extraordinary,” the Knight chuckled. “I hadn’t quite expected him to turn to dust but-“
Steel Rain: not as smart as he thinks he is, at least where the really out there is concerned.
The statement made the zebra freeze. “Discord was here?” the Vizier muttered.
In contrast . . .
“You don’t know that!” the Vizier hissed. “Discord. Pinkie Pie. Blackjack. You have no idea how dangerous they are. You think killing makes a pony dangerous! Killing is nothing! Knowledge. Interference. Those are dangerous, fool!” He spat the last word so sharply that the Knight took a step back. “If he was here, it was for a reason! Why Dawn? Why Snips?”
Oh yeah, Amadi gets it.
Okay, so he's been around well over a thousand years. Wonder just what he meant by "elevated the Princesses," though. Just the same as legitimizing their roles?
“Stars of the dark places. Stars of ash. Stars of death. I beseech thee. Tell me the dance of your circles. How has Discord marred your celestial orbits? Please! I beg thee. Ashtur. Dagon. Namtar. Show me…”
A blue-white glow surrounded him, cold and clear, and his anger stilled. A frigid shaft of light seemed to drop upon him, and the air around him groaned and crackled. A sickly green glow began to shine out of his chest, pulsing with each beat. “Things have gone awry…” he began,
Interesting mix of star names. Also, I wasn't expecting anything quite so direct, but man that's creepy.
“What are you doing?” the Knight groaned. “What is that light?” It throbbed like veins of green light within the Vizier’s hide.
All this has not been flattering to Steel Rain.
“And she is no more?” More hissing whispers. They rose and fell, and made the zebra frown. “Blackjack is broken…” He muttered the phrase as if tasting it and finding it to his liking. “Good. Then all is accounted for,” he said as he rose to his hooves, his face sublime with confidence as the glow faded.
For a guy who knows the vagaries of prophesy and believes Blackjack's talent is victory, he's sure making a miscalculation here. "Broken" and "no more" are very different things.
“That striped bastard thinks he can talk to me like that? Me? I’ll show him and his fucking stars who owns this world. I won’t serve anyone. Not him or Cognitum or Dawn or Crunchy Carrots. Me. I’m the one who should be in charge. I won’t be second to anyone. Anyone!”
So all this time Steel Rain's just been a petulant brat of the ilk of Charm or the overmare? Too bad. Or maybe he's just having a bad moment.
“All the time. I’m always getting hurt. My body. My heart. My soul. Always getting hurt. People always shoot me. Even my friends shot me. Glory shot me in the face… but it’s okay. It was an accident,” the Princess muttered weakly.
This is unexpected, but I did think it odd when the being shot was first mentioned. But the way the story was told certainly doesn't make it seem like we're looking at a full overwrite.
Everypony knows you hate them, and probably think you’ll kill ‘em the second it suits you… ‘cause you will.” She closed her eyes. “I used to be just like you. Then I got wires stuck in my head. Now I’m not so stupid anymore.
Self awareness from one of the spoiled brats? Nice! Also, that three sentence story is hilarious.
“STAY AWAY FROM MY KIDS!” the Revenant screamed in near feral rage as the maroon ghoul opened his jaws wide, pink cloud boiling up his throat.
At first I was a little confused here because I thought "Revanant" was an actual thing in context.
“Each of those arms carries one point twenty-one gigasparks, at least. It’d vaporize you,” Dawn said immediately.
Hehe.
“Not instantly, though. I’m a soul jar, albeit a flawed and improperly prepared one. I should last long enough to get Blackjack back. I might even survive. Wouldn’t that be a laugh?” he said hollowly. “Once we do have the body, though, how do we get Blackjack back inside?”
So was the thing last chapter just an act? A necessary move to save himself? This doesn't sound like a guy who has nothing left but necromancy.
The Golem tilted her head and blinked cluelessly. “It would be more efficient and effective to contact paramedics and have Mr. Horse taken to a Ministry of Peace medical center. He seems to have lost most of his epidermis.”
This dialog. This dialog.
The Princess fell the last ten feet, landing hard and almost falling over, but she didn’t bother to fully regain her footing before scrambling scrambled over to the waterlogged mare. The plastic-covered moonstone talisman still hung around her neck. She carefully pressed her ear to the white unicorn’s side. She waited a moment. She heard the heavy thud of a heart beat within. “She’s alive!” the Princess shouted, smiling up at the skull trapped in the electrified gap.
Interesting how the "Barbarian" has been dropped.
“Do it,” a choking, mottled voice hissed. Everyone froze at the horrid sight of the skinned stallion lifting his head. Blood dripped down his lips. “You’re trying to transfer an intelligence, right?”
Ah, the resiliance of the Canterlot ghoul. Oh, Horse isn't dead. Never mind.
“Fortunately, my compatriot has the means to destroy her with ease. She’ll go to the moon and fix Horizons so it’ll fire where we want it to, and the Core will be restored. Then we kill her on the way back.” The power-armored stallion tapped his nose. “I’ll have to deal with the Legate when it’s over. That fuck is too sneaky to trust, but I’ll have the whole Core at my disposal. I’ll get him, one way or another.”
This guy is made of stupid. Stupid and overconfidence. Which, bearing in mind we're talking Equestria here, is a much bigger weakness than faith in your friends.
“Shut. Up,” the Knight said, then stomped down hard. His hoof crushed the ghoul’s skull like a silver hammer hitting a rotten egg.
Ah, but did it make sure that he was dead?
“You murderer!” the broken Lady cried out at him.
Coming from her?! Also, no shit.
“Oh, you have no right to talk,” the Knight countered. “It’s time to tie up loose ends.”
See, even he agrees.
He lowered his guns at the Barbarian.
Okay, so it's back now.
“Once the transfer is complete, we need to get medical attention for Mr. Horse immediately! He’s a very important pony, you know.”
And he hasn't forgotten that, either.
The Golem, however, smiled benignly as the blast ripped her synthetic body apart, the sturdy frame ripping in half and sending the remains bouncing over the remaining pair of ponies.
And so dies the nicest person in the room.
“You… no!” Steel Rain shouted as I set her on my back. “What does it take to kill you?”
“Sometimes I wonder that too,” I said, more to myself than to him.
Lost audience interest?
As much as I’d have liked some barding and as useful as my augments would be right now, I couldn’t help but love every sensation inside me. My heart beating, my stomach growling, my shoulders aching, my ears ringing… each and every one was a reminder that I was alive now.
I didn't think I'd get to see this. Not as high a high as Blackjack's realization in the air that she no longer wanted to die, but still sweet.
I examined the medallion. My best weapon? How was it a weapon? It was just a piece of moonstone covered in plastic. How could I use it as a weapon? What was I supposed to do, hit him with it? I would do better teleporting Charm and me to the elevator and getting the hay out of here!
Well, you've got quite a bit of starmetal around . . .
“No. I might kill her after you,” he countered in a voice that made me imagine a shit-eating grin on his face. “Maybe I will. I’m in a real bad mood right now. But maybe I’ll hold onto her.
This part is always frustrating. But there was the spoiler.
She sniffed and smiling bitterly at me. “You’re the only pony who’s ever wanted to save me, Blackjack.”
. . . So this time, let me save you.
So, earlier today reading 44, I was reminded of Hamlet when Blackjack was thinking that if she died, she might be allowed to dream. Now, I'm seeing shades of A Tale of Two Cities as Charm does a far, far better thing than she's ever done for somebody who shared, if only for a time, her body—and also, in this case, memories.
And I felt myself grin as I threw the sliver of moonstone against him again. It blew out another chunk of armor from his side.
Just how much radiation is she taking from this?
“I don’t care! I don’t care if you were brainwashed by your father into becoming a sex slave for Crunchy Carrots who tortured you for failing to conquer the Wasteland. You’re dying right now!”
Ah, will this be Blackjack's equivalent of Autumn Leaf? On the one hand, it would be so satisfying for her to at last mete out the death her antagonist so richly deserves, but on the other . . . I just want her to be a good pony.
But then, it does seem he can still fight, though he's trying to surrender.
Then, the fucker did the one thing I’d hoped he wouldn’t. He raised his bloody hooves in the air and shouted as loud as he could, “I give up!”
Still concerned, but looking better.
“You lying, betraying shit! Why should I think you’re going to do what you say? The first chance you have, you’ll try and kill me. It’s your fucking nature!” I shouted at him.
He gave me an exhausted, ragged smile, blood dripping from a puffy gash beneath his eye. “Because, deep down, in your heart of hearts… you’re an optimist,” he countered, struggling to breathe as sweat rolled down his pink hide.
Pulling it back around to chapter five, huh? I always did like that line from P-21.
“You’re right. I really do want you to do better.” He gave a nervous little smile. Then I slammed him in the face with my hooves, knocking him back over the edge. He scrambled for purchase and caught in a gap in the rails. “But even my optimism has limits.”
nooooo
But still, just leaving him to die? Why didn’t I just shoot him in the head while I was at it?
Well, the most likely place Autumn Leaf was shot was in the head, but it wasn't explicitly stated, I think.
“You are going to be tilling fields for the Society for the rest of your life,” I muttered.
yay
For a moment, one could almost believe he was thinking of turning over a new leaf. Starting a new chapter in his life. Wanting to do better. “You’re a good pony, Blackjack.” Despite myself, I smiled with him.
Then he lunged forward, ramming us hard over the edge with a body slam.
GOD DAMN HE'S STUPID. How did Blackjack ever think he was smart?
I’d never managed much in the way of distance before, but now I was a third my previous weight. Maybe I could make it?
Okay, that gets her nine times as far as she could manage before, and she's probably absorbed more radiation than normal thanks to all the starmetal/moonstone interactions. But would the latter matter for a unicorn?
I moved behind the desk and was further surprised by a number of photographs. The Ministry Mares before they’d become the Ministry Mares. Princess Luna and Princess Celestia. Spike. A half dozen pictures of Fluttershy. A school in a valley shaped like a crescent moon. Pumpkin and Pound Cake. Psalm. And a very faded picture of a unicorn mare I didn’t recognize.
That's a little surreal, a real coincidence. From 44:
I was shocked to see how many pictures he had on his desk. Fluttershy was first and foremost, smiling as she held a little bunny, but next to her was Luna hugging an embarrassed-looking, unscarred Goldenblood. There were Twilight Sparkle and an adolescent Spike in his cave, sitting on his hoard. Applejack and Applesnack looking equally uncomfortable at some fancy function. An incredibly young-looking Pinkie Pie dancing around a toothless lizard with her friends. Rainbow Dash flying in formation. Rarity wearing a stunning dress in black and red.
And there, on the top of the desk, was a dusty nameplate that read ‘Goldenblood: Director of the O.I.A.’ Horse’s memories were of Pinkie sealing this place after Goldenblood’s arrest.
So they never got rid of his nameplate between the time he was out and when he was arrested?
One letter written by some politician about forcibly relocating zebras from Zebratown to the Appleloosan desert with the ‘other riff raff’ had the comment ‘Relocate to the Appleloosan desert’ over a drawing of a bound and gagged unicorn stallion being loaded on a train with a tag ‘To: Riff Raffia’ tied to his ear.
Gotta like that.
Yet in other notes, there were instructions to arrange ‘sympathizer’ attacks on members of the Apple family. ‘Prune the rotten branches’ was the phrase used for killing ponies in position of power. Goldenblood had lists of the ponies to be used, promoted, or removed as benefited the war effort. ‘We are the grease that keeps the wheels of the kingdom turning. Slimy, disgusting, and unappreciated, but vital.’
Unpleasant, and I wish I knew if there were a better way of getting the Apples out of places they didn't really belong than assassination.
Knowing my luck, it would be something completely random.
You mean someone knows how to make a secure password? Unpossible!
There, on the back of a picture of Fluttershy in a volunteer nurse’s outfit, I saw a tiny note written in Goldenblood’s impeccable writing: ‘The most important things.’
The most important things? To Goldenblood? I’d heard this. I wracked my memory, trying to think it through. Goldenblood had said this to somepony at some point. Not family. Not money. Not power… I stared at the terminal and carefully typed ‘Love, Loyalty, and Secrets’.
The screen flickered, text scrolled, and then it flickered again.
Now I feel let down.
> THERE SHALL BE ONLY ONE PRINCESS. I PLEDGE MY LIFE TO ETERNAL DARKNESS. I SWEAR MY LOYALTY TO THE UNENDING BLACK. ALL HAIL NIGHTMARE MOON. MAY THE NIGHT LAST FOREVER!
Dafuq?
Then I felt a wind sweep over me and turned to see a black vortex of magic forming. It swirled around in a flat, ebony disk, then stilled. The surface shimmered like a pool of black ink hanging vertically in the air. “Well… this is new…” I muttered. I carefully reached out with a hoof, pressing it to the disk. It sank in, disappearing to some place cool. The moon? That seemed like some heavy duty magic to me.
That's cool. The Nightmare, or some component of it, perhaps? Would attune to the moon.
The walls were of blackest marble shot through with veins of amethyst. Cold, imposing black statues loomed over us, their crystalline eyes seeming to follow me as I stepped away from the portal. With a slurping noise, it winked shut behind us.
Black Pony Mountain?
I found a set of the dark purple barding and slipped it on, then levitated a spear. Not exactly ideal weapons, but at least I wasn’t naked and unarmed anymore.
Batponies?
I pushed the door open and beheld the glistening, undulating mass of pony flesh that was an orgy. Over two beds, a half dozen mares and a half dozen stallions were vigorously engaging in coital relations. Half of them were batponies like Stygius. The other half were unicorns, pegasi, and an earth pony. I stood in the wash of sweat and semen that rolled out the open door in a sweet, salty pong.
So, yes on batponies. Did not expect an orgy here, though.
“Blackjack? It is you! How the hell did you get here? What do you think you’re doing? Who is that?” She gestured to Charm with a wing.
No "What happened to your cyberlegs and eyes and stuff?"?
“Hey, I don’t hear you complaining about not being obligated to fuck your brother anymore! Honestly, I finally find a community I feel comfortable in, where family members regularly fuck each other, and they still act like it's a bad thing.
How much of this was Swicked?
“But... but so many will die!” I protested weakly.
He gave another wave of his hoof. “Very well. A few dozen more breeders can be brought over, your friends included. Will that halt your wailing?”
Wow. What an ass.
Then the door to the building opened, and a pony-shaped form emerged. Like everything else around me, she was ghostly and translucent like smoky quartz. A pale white glow in her chest spread light through her. I reached out and touched her wing as she trotted around to the side of the building and sat down. I stared at her face, slowly picking her features out. I stared for a minute, then whispered softly, “Glory?”
She didn’t react. I bit one forehoof to keep from crying out as I reached out and touched her cheek with my other. Like everything else here, it was the same hard, immutable surface. “Glory. Oh Glory. I’m here, Glory. I’m finally here.”
That's kind of depressing.
The dark purple shape turned and looked at me, its head slipping out of the cloudy shell of my body. Step by step it emerged, regarding me with cool teal eyes. “It is not in my power to grant you that, Blackjack.”
That is awesome. Looking forward to how this plays out.
That she hadn’t been responsible for all that. But hadn’t I been kicking myself for months for the ponies I had killed? How would I feel if I’d killed millions? I swallowed hard, struggling to find an answer contrary to one condemning her. “It was Fluttershy... she made the first megaspells. The zebras made the balefire bombs. Goldenblood... he... he manipulated you! He was working behind the scenes, doing things.”
When have you taken that easy road out, Blackjack? You think Luna would, even if everything you said were the unvarnished truth?
“Because when she dreams, she dreams of babies,” Luna said with a roll of her eyes. “And bunnies. And you.”
And I ain't got time for that saccharine bullshit.
I tore my eyes away for several moments. “No. That wasn’t you. This is some sort of... something.”
“I wasn’t a prude like my sister, Blackjack.
Well, I'm not sure how true that is, given the end of FoE.
Goldenblood stared at her. “And when it comes time to clean house?”
Luna didn’t answer for several seconds, then turned to face him. “Well, I imagine that that won’t be your concern. As you said, I can manage without you now. But some of the Ministry Mares are going to have to answer for the things they’ve done.” The threat was lightly spoken, but it hung in the air like a sword.
“Very well,” Goldenblood said as he averted his eyes. “I’ll stay.”
That's hardball. She sure knows where to hit. But then, who would know better?
“Still, our relationship was never the same after that. He was increasingly... resistant. Effective, ruthless, oh yes... but a wall had gone up between us. He avoided sleep, waiting until he was exhausted and fell into dreamless slumber. He kept secrets from me. I didn’t think he could, but he did,” she said with a slow shake of her head.
Seriously? NOBODY COULD HAVE SEEN THIS COMING! NOBODY!
“I just wanted to protect my people. I just wanted to do better than Celestia... for once,” Luna begged.
Why all the continued games, then? Do you want Cognitum to succeed or not? Not much clarity here. But we'll see.
- Chapter Sixty Six Editing:
should have second space after ellipsis
and neither were worth a big pile of Brahmin poop.
"neither was": neither and either are singular
"Brahmin" shouldn't be capitalized
He served a powerful Sorceress with power greater than that of the Barbarian queen,
should "queen" be capitalized?
“You zebras and your stripes,” The Knight replied with a laugh,
“I don’t plan on being vaporized,” The Knight answered.
“Please,” The Knight interrupted with a shake of his head.
"The" shouldn't be capitalized
“I hadn’t quite expected him to turn to dust but-“
should end with dash (which would also correct the quotation mark's orientation)
His hooves hooked around The Knight’s neck,
Then The Knight turned away, and the zebra gave the tiniest shake of his head.
"the" shouldn't be capitalized
Princess said as she hugged the smashed torso and head like a runover windup toy.
I think that in this usage "runover" would be two words, or hyphenated
The Dark Magician replied immediately. “Because there’s none
only one space after period
“Stop. P…please… stop…” the former steel ranger muttered weakly, metal hooves clenched against his helmet.
"steel ranger" should be capitalized
The two tumbled off the maneframe’s platform, the Revenant springing on top of the Ranger.
"Ranger" seems out of place here surrounded by all the Charm-isms. Would it be better as "Knight"?
Princess with a wing stub. “Please, boost her up
only one space after period
heavily around her neck and the dark Magician’s radiant bones
"dark" should be capitalized
this stings a bit… ow… Ow!
should have second space after second ellipsis
The princess scrambled down to it as swiftly as she could.
"princess" should be capitalized
the Dark magician asked.
"magician" should be capitalized
“I’m sorry Mr. Horse.
comma after "sorry"
“Now, hold still and let’s make this–.”
extraneous period?
I teleported again, over to where the bloody trail lead to Horse lying bleeding next to the ruined
"led" not "lead"
“I… maybe?” I didn’t have time for any kind of finesse really.
should have second space after quotation
‘Goldenblood,’ I thought, and grabbed a feeble memory,
comma to outside of quotation marks?
and rolled as his hooves stomped down. Each impact dented the floor plates
only one space after period
I struck the edge of the maneframe, laying on my back and watched the hoof drop towards my head.
"laying" to "lying"
-“”Yeah, yeah. Just a second. (also double quotation mark at the start)
-again with my magic. “Murdering, betraying,
-purchase and caught in a gap in the rails. “But even my optimism has limits.”
three spaces after period
Surprisingly, there were also a carving of a zebra done in veined black and white marble, a dragon in glittering crystal, and a griffin intricately whittled from warm yellow and tan wood.
"were also carvings of"
from Zebratown to the Appleloosan desert with the ‘other riff raff’ had the comment ‘Relocate to the Appleloosan desert’ over
Just to be sure: "Appleloosan desert" is not the name of a geographical feature?
A really, really, inbred stable.”
remove second comma?
Still, I could help but imagine what these ponies would look like in a generation or two.
"couldn't help"
awkward, bow to her. “Your majesty.”
"majesty" should be capitalized
“You... I... How can you–
second space after second ellipsis, or no capitalization of "How"
“Thank you for your time, your majesty,”
"your majesty" should be capitalized
as I wept as well. I put my hooves
she bowed her head. “No matter how you
only one space after period
I know ponies who’s fuckups have killed millions.
"whose"
His his pristine white hide suddenly became striped with livid pink scars,
duplicate "his"
sheets as he murmured in his sleep ‘Princess Luna.’
period to outside of quotation marks
Luna signed and trotted over, putting a hoof on top of his.
"sighed"?
I a list of ponies to purge from the Ministries, and all of them were on it.
"I had", "I made"? Some verb is needed there.
“LittlePip used Spike’s to travel into the SPP hub!
"S.P.P."
That's in the quote, though.Icy Shake wrote:should have second space after ellipsis
We discussed that during brushing and decided not to.Icy Shake wrote:should "queen" be capitalized?
I don't think so.Icy Shake wrote:Just to be sure: "Appleloosan desert" is not the name of a geographical feature?
…Oh, it looks like we're inconsistent there. I'll fix that.Icy Shake wrote:"S.P.P."
The actions last chapter where before Discord put Snips's soul back together.Icy Shake wrote:So was the thing last chapter just an act? A necessary move to save himself? This doesn't sound like a guy who has nothing left but necromancy.
:)Icy Shake wrote:This dialog. This dialog.
Yeeeep. Come on, Steel… If you'd just swallowed your pride, just gone with her, you could have waited until she was distracted, made a break for it, and rebuilt elsewhere. But noooo…Icy Shake wrote:GOD DAMN HE'S STUPID.
Well, he is smart in some ways. Usually, he keeps to the evil overlord list pretty well. It's just that, in a few other, crucial ways, he's very very stupid. He simply could not bear the thought of walking out her prisoner when he could betray her instead, and he didn't think that she'd be able to save herself with teleportation.Icy Shake wrote:How did Blackjack ever think he was smart?
Why, whatever makes you think that swicked had something to do with this? :)Icy Shake wrote:How much of this was Swicked?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Mon Apr 28, 2014 3:04 am
Do you think that we actually need to put something about that in? Whisper is shocked to see Blackjack at all, Blackjack is carrying a strange unconscious filly, and we almost immediately cut to offscreen explanations.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Mon Apr 28, 2014 3:21 am
Right then, new version of the paragraph:
- This probably doesn't need to be spoilered, but just in case:
- Fortunately, I didn’t have to, as one of the pegasus mares on a bed glanced over and froze. She brushed her golden bangs back and gaped at me for a minute, then shoved the batpony mounting her hard. Pushing him off, Psychos– Whisper flew through the air and landed before me. “Blackjack? It is you! But not metal! How the hell did you get here? What do you think you’re doing? Who is that?” She gestured to Charm with a wing.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Exodus Hero Mon Apr 28, 2014 3:30 am
Luna is straight out of Game of Thrones in this universe, holy crap! Haha.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Guest Mon Apr 28, 2014 3:47 am
I usually like to wait a while before reading. Anyway this has probably been reported already.
- chapter 66 editing:
- "as if she'd struck her"
Need to change that her to a him. Unless BJ is imagining this reaction to Luna striking Fluttershy? Not entirely out of the realm of possibility, but given that FS is not physically present it seems very strange if that's what was meant.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Mon Apr 28, 2014 3:59 am
Ah, thank you.Last wrote:I usually like to wait a while before reading. Anyway this has probably been reported already.
- chapter 66 editing:
Need to change that her to a him. Unless BJ is imagining this reaction to Luna striking Fluttershy? Not entirely out of the realm of possibility, but given that FS is not physically present it seems very strange if that's what was meant.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by CD Mon Apr 28, 2014 5:04 am
Exodus Hero wrote:Luna is straight out of Game of Thrones in this universe, holy crap! Haha.
She gave me Tywin Lannister vibes, yes. Only Tywin is much more of a prude.
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