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Fallout: Equestria - Infinite Potential

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Fallout: Equestria - Infinite Potential

Post by Borsuq on Wed Dec 24, 2014 4:54 pm

As some of you might remember, a few weeks ago I posted that I'm canceling my FoE side story and I'm planning a new one. Well, here's that new one:

Fallout: Equestria - Infinite Potential



When two centuries ago Stable-Tec had decided upon the social experiment that was to be carried out within Stable Eight, they could not possibly predict it result. Due to them, when the steel door of that Stable had finally opened, the pony who came out of it looked down on the Wasteland not with fear, but with fascination.


As Angel descended upon Equestrian Wasteland from the paradise of Stable Eight, she knew its potential to be endless.
                                                                                                                                                    


Hope y'all enjoy it. Oh, and Happy Holidays!  :)
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Re: Fallout: Equestria - Infinite Potential

Post by Borsuq on Mon Feb 16, 2015 9:47 am

Continuing with this shameless promotion; chapter two of Infinite Potential hath arrived!

Chapter Two: Settling In

Hope you like it :)
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Re: Fallout: Equestria - Infinite Potential

Post by O. Hinds on Sat Feb 21, 2015 7:04 am

Seems like an interesting story.
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Re: Fallout: Equestria - Infinite Potential

Post by Borsuq on Mon Feb 23, 2015 11:46 am

Rainbow Thank you!
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Re: Fallout: Equestria - Infinite Potential

Post by O. Hinds on Mon Feb 23, 2015 7:45 pm

Currently, I'm wondering what will happen when Velvet arrives.
No spoilers, though, please. :)
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Re: Fallout: Equestria - Infinite Potential

Post by Borsuq on Fri Jul 10, 2015 11:03 am

After a long break, I return to the world of the living with a new chapter!

Chapter Three: Angel Lust

Hope ya'll enjoy it :)
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Re: Fallout: Equestria - Infinite Potential

Post by O. Hinds on Fri Jul 10, 2015 1:46 pm

It'll be a bit before I can read it, I think, but I'm looking forward to it. :)
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Re: Fallout: Equestria - Infinite Potential

Post by Valikdu on Fri Jul 10, 2015 2:48 pm

Refreshing to see a FoE protagonist who is an unapologetic sociopath! Props.

I've seen it once before (in Duck and Cover!), but that was played for comedy.

Angel still has a long way to go...
Spoiler:
I think I'll observe. From very safely far away.
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Re: Fallout: Equestria - Infinite Potential

Post by O. Hinds on Fri Jul 10, 2015 4:34 pm

Comments on the New Chapter:
Right, getting to this a bit earlier than I expected, but I've also got a limited interval to read in.

"mechanic limbs"
"mechanic voice"
I suspect you'd be better using "mechanical" in both cases.

Hm.  I wonder if the violence during birth is a result of some sort of defense mechanism?  An ancestral heightened readiness to fend off predators during a particularly vulnerable time?

"basic nursery duties"
That probably ought to be "nursing", I think.

"statuette bore into"
"bored"

"to Fillydelphia few days"
"a few days"

"I suspected that it might be the case ever since over a week ago, when Apple Core came late to take my drugs to sell."
I'd recommend adding dividers, or at least changing the tense in the bit this begins, to make it clear that it's in the past; I was confused for a few moments.

"You know what precum is, right?"
I'm surprised by the use of such casual terminology; I'd expect something more clinical from Angel.

"several ponies slightly"
"ponies'"
(Or "ponies's" in some conventions, apparently, but "ponies'" is correct in the convention I was taught.)

"captured, don’t I"
"do I"

"mentioned of such"
"mentioned such"

"the towns’ medic"
"town's", unless she's medic of more than one.

"Ya knew"
"know"

"simply hadn’t met"
"haven't", unless she has now met such a pony.
Also, the semicolons in that list ought to be colons, I think.

"ya can have"
probably ought to be "can ya have"

"“Also, ‘lover’? What are ya, five?”"
Hm.  I'm curious what she means by this.

I am also curious about her aversion to firearms...

"that it’s it"
"that is its"

"how exactly does a healing"
"how exactly a healing"

"hind leg"
"hindleg"

"there had been cases"
"have been"

"Hydra won’t work"
"doesn't work"

"I administrate Hydra"
"administer"

"Wasteland created it"
"create it"

"You would have to excuse"
"will have to"?

"drug exist"
"existed"
I noticed a few other bits of questionable mechanics (of the text, I mean, not more incidences of the word "mechanics") but didn't have time to attend to them; sorry.  Still, your English continues to be good, I think, for a nonnative speaker, and I continue to enjoy the story itself.
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Re: Fallout: Equestria - Infinite Potential

Post by Borsuq on Sat Jul 11, 2015 9:32 am

Valikdu wrote:Refreshing to see a FoE protagonist who is an unapologetic sociopath! Props.

I've seen it once before (in Duck and Cover!), but that was played for comedy.

Angel still has a long way to go...

I think I'll observe. From very safely far away.


Thanks, hope you'll enjoy this :)

O. Hinds wrote:
Comments on the New Chapter:
Right, getting to this a bit earlier than I expected, but I've also got a limited interval to read in.

"mechanic limbs"
"mechanic voice"
I suspect you'd be better using "mechanical" in both cases.

Hm.  I wonder if the violence during birth is a result of some sort of defense mechanism?  An ancestral heightened readiness to fend off predators during a particularly vulnerable time?

"basic nursery duties"
That probably ought to be "nursing", I think.

"statuette bore into"
"bored"

"to Fillydelphia few days"
"a few days"

"I suspected that it might be the case ever since over a week ago, when Apple Core came late to take my drugs to sell."
I'd recommend adding dividers, or at least changing the tense in the bit this begins, to make it clear that it's in the past; I was confused for a few moments.

"You know what precum is, right?"
I'm surprised by the use of such casual terminology; I'd expect something more clinical from Angel.

"several ponies slightly"
"ponies'"
(Or "ponies's" in some conventions, apparently, but "ponies'" is correct in the convention I was taught.)

"captured, don’t I"
"do I"

"mentioned of such"
"mentioned such"

"the towns’ medic"
"town's", unless she's medic of more than one.

"Ya knew"
"know"

"simply hadn’t met"
"haven't", unless she has now met such a pony.
Also, the semicolons in that list ought to be colons, I think.

"ya can have"
probably ought to be "can ya have"

"“Also, ‘lover’? What are ya, five?”"
Hm.  I'm curious what she means by this.

I am also curious about her aversion to firearms...

"that it’s it"
"that is its"

"how exactly does a healing"
"how exactly a healing"

"hind leg"
"hindleg"

"there had been cases"
"have been"

"Hydra won’t work"
"doesn't work"

"I administrate Hydra"
"administer"

"Wasteland created it"
"create it"

"You would have to excuse"
"will have to"?

"drug exist"
"existed"
I noticed a few other bits of questionable mechanics (of the text, I mean, not more incidences of the word "mechanics") but didn't have time to attend to them; sorry.  Still, your English continues to be good, I think, for a nonnative speaker, and I continue to enjoy the story itself.


Thanks for pointing those out, I will correct them soon :)


Last edited by Borsuq on Sat Jul 11, 2015 4:38 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Re: Fallout: Equestria - Infinite Potential

Post by O. Hinds on Sat Jul 11, 2015 1:56 pm

You're welcome; thank you for writing.
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Re: Fallout: Equestria - Infinite Potential

Post by Harmony Ltd. on Sat Jul 11, 2015 8:11 pm

Just read the prologue for now, gonna dive into the fic just after I post this, but I need to ask:

Spoiler:
Stable 8... Is this a reference to Vault 8, more commonly known these days as Vault City? The birthplace of a certain Dr. Richard Grey?

Edit: I read the whole thing, and, yeah... My question in the spoiler tag still stand.
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Re: Fallout: Equestria - Infinite Potential

Post by Borsuq on Sun Jul 12, 2015 8:50 am

Harmony Ltd. wrote:Just read the prologue for now, gonna dive into the fic just after I post this, but I need to ask:

Spoiler:
Stable 8... Is this a reference to Vault 8, more commonly known these days as Vault City? The birthplace of a certain Dr. Richard Grey?

Edit: I read the whole thing, and, yeah... My question in the spoiler tag still stand.


Maybe  Twilight crazy
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Re: Fallout: Equestria - Infinite Potential

Post by Harmony Ltd. on Sun Jul 12, 2015 10:34 am

I see.

I'm curious to see the direction you'll take this in. For now it's a bit Hannibal meets Fallout Equestria. Kinda. Not really but I hope you get what I mean (basically shows centered around the villain, where the audience is basically put into the position of "Am I supposed to be cheering for the main protagonist or?...")

Anyway, yeah, interesting.

Note on your English: good for a non native speaker (neither am I one), but there are a number of places where the expression and vocabulary is a bit awkward.

For example, at some point to talk about the piping that would allow one to flush a toilet, you talk about "canalisations". While this would be good in French, the appropriate term in English, as far as I know, would be plumbing.

Have you looked for editors who could have a look up at this kind of things?
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Re: Fallout: Equestria - Infinite Potential

Post by Borsuq on Sun Jul 12, 2015 10:48 am

Yeah, I already have a team of proofreaders and editors. The fact that they missed a few things tells you something about how many mistakes there originally were XD
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Re: Fallout: Equestria - Infinite Potential

Post by Borsuq on Thu Nov 05, 2015 5:08 pm

Well, at least I managed to finish this chapter before Fallout 4 came out^^

Chapter Four: Sightseeing

Hope you like it^^
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Re: Fallout: Equestria - Infinite Potential

Post by O. Hinds on Thu Nov 05, 2015 10:25 pm

I'm looking forward to reading it later.  :)
Though any comments I have I might just leave on FIMFiction instead of here.
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Re: Fallout: Equestria - Infinite Potential

Post by Borsuq on Fri Feb 17, 2017 9:32 pm

The return of shameless self-promotion! After long, long, long time, the story returns with chapter 5!

Chapter Five: The Morality of Angel

Hope you'll enjoy it enought to forgive me for taking so long to sit down and write it. In my defense, I was writing master thesis this past year, and had some other real life stuff to deal with, 2 other (shorter) stories, and the last few months had been... tough for me.

In return, I put a lot into this chapter, hoping it will make up for the long break. Also, I promise that there will be at least 3 more chapters this year^^

Have fun^^
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Re: Fallout: Equestria - Infinite Potential

Post by O. Hinds on Sat Feb 18, 2017 9:00 pm

Ah, sorry you've been having a rough time; I hope that things improve for you.

As I said on FIMFiction, though, I enjoyed the chapter. :)
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Re: Fallout: Equestria - Infinite Potential

Post by Borsuq on Sun Feb 19, 2017 11:48 am

Thanks. It really helps to hear that^^

Glad you enjoyed it^^
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Re: Fallout: Equestria - Infinite Potential

Post by O. Hinds on Sun Feb 19, 2017 3:20 pm

You're welcome. :)
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Re: Fallout: Equestria - Infinite Potential

Post by Borsuq on Wed May 10, 2017 5:39 pm

Chapter Six: Wasteland's Ideologies

Alright, I did not mean for this chapter to be so long as well Scootaloo I know that some people find it annoying, hope that you forgive me for writing two such long chapters back to back. The next two chapters should be shorted.

Anyway, hope you enjoy it^^
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Re: Fallout: Equestria - Infinite Potential

Post by O. Hinds on Thu May 11, 2017 12:43 pm

Eh, it can certainly be bothersome when I don't have much time... but fortunately, for this chapter, I had plenty, and its length just meant more of it to enjoy. :)
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Re: Fallout: Equestria - Infinite Potential

Post by Borsuq on Thu May 11, 2017 8:08 pm

I'm happy it turned out great for you then^^
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