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[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

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[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Harmony Ltd. on Sun Jun 09, 2013 9:18 am

Kippershy wrote:Blackjack's had a theme song for a long time now, though. Hurt by Johnny Cash.
Illustration :


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=McV7pjwVFbE

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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Icy Shake on Sun Jun 09, 2013 10:32 am


Source

Welcome to the Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion Thread!
This is the place to discuss Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons, a Fallout/MLP:FiM crossover fic by Somber. Story discussion is on the left, group therapy to the right. Please try to schedule your emotional breakdowns when they don't conflict with anyone else's.

Rules
We have just a few simple rules here.

  1. Don't put down Somber.
  2. Project Horizons is a grimdark fic which deals with adult topics, so we might discuss subjects that some readers may find uncomfortable. Be mature about it.
  3. If Somber or a member of the editing team says to end a discussion, please do so.
  4. Spoilers abound. If you're not current on the fic, we recommend that you catch up before you read on.
  5. Expect random discussions that may or may not have anything to do with the story.
  6. Have fun!


People You Should Know
Somber: The author of Project Horizons, creator of Blackjack, maker of awesomeness, is a small gray mare who lives in the head of a guy named David. Ignore her claims of suckage.
Bronode The-Brusher-Formerly-Known-as-Bronode-and-Currently-Known-as-Niphl and O. Hinds: Your editing team. They make awesome writing look all shiny and pretty.
Kkat: The author of the original Fallout: Equestria. Not a participant in this discussion (yet), but you should be aware of her anyway. If you haven't read FOE, why are you even here? Go! Read!

Somber's Tip Jar
Thank-yous of the monetary variety may be made through PayPal. Simply click on Send Money, send it to David13ushey@gmail.com and mark it as a personal gift.

Story Links
GoogleDocs chapter index - Links to every chapter, plus FOE and FOEPH resources, media, and story download formats.
.epub Format - Thanks to Scorch_Mechanic.
LaTeX ebook .pdf - Thanks to ThePowersGang.
Nallar's Fanfic Archive - An auto-updated collection of fics offered in a variety of formats including Kindle .mobi, .epub, and .html.


Last edited by Icy Shake on Sun Jun 09, 2013 6:45 pm; edited 2 times in total (Reason for editing : How does capitalization work?)
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Kippershy on Sun Jun 09, 2013 10:39 am

Harmony Ltd. wrote:
Kippershy wrote:Blackjack's had a theme song for a long time now, though. Hurt by Johnny Cash.
Illustration :


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=McV7pjwVFbE


Thanks, was on my phone at the time.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Stack Trace on Sun Jun 09, 2013 10:44 am

Bronode is going by a different handle these days. The symbol I use is a better name for me than any string of characters.

Kind of difficult to put a weird circle thingy into words, though. Niphl's fine for now.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Harmony Ltd. on Sun Jun 09, 2013 4:19 pm

Can we call you Niflheim ?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Stack Trace on Sun Jun 09, 2013 4:52 pm

By all means. Just... make sure your hometowns are adequately fireproofed.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Harmony Ltd. on Sun Jun 09, 2013 4:56 pm

Worst come to worst, we'll just release all the dams upstream. Spike
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Derpmind on Sun Jun 09, 2013 6:28 pm

swicked wrote:
Derpmind wrote:Embedded because awesome.
...I just can't stand the guy's voice. At all.
It sounds so whiny...
I think his voice is weaker in this song than in his others. Anyway, LivingTombstone's native language/accent is Hebrew. He did one song in Hebrew over here, so judge for yourself if his voice sucks in general or not.
Niphl wrote:Bronode is going by a different handle these days. The
symbol I use is a better name for me than any string of characters.

Kind of difficult to put a weird circle thingy into words, though. Niphl's fine for now.
Nice butt picture!
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by cb5 on Sun Jun 09, 2013 7:28 pm

Derpmind wrote:
I think his voice is weaker in this song than in his others. Anyway, LivingTombstone's native language/accent is Hebrew. He did one song in Hebrew over here, so judge for yourself if his voice sucks in general or not.
Yeah, it's kind of biased of how people are getting on him for being a non-native english speaker.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Derpmind on Sun Jun 09, 2013 8:04 pm

cb5 wrote:Yeah, it's kind of biased of how people are getting on him for being a non-native english speaker.
It's not obvious to everyone when someone's a non-native speaker. And you can still dislike his singing voice anyways. If you're talking about youtube commenters, though, youtube comments are mostly an amorphous mass of irrationality.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Icy Shake on Sun Jun 09, 2013 8:10 pm

cb5 wrote:
Derpmind wrote:
I think his voice is weaker in this song than in his others. Anyway, LivingTombstone's native language/accent is Hebrew. He did one song in Hebrew over here, so judge for yourself if his voice sucks in general or not.
Yeah, it's kind of biased of how people are getting on him for being a non-native english speaker.

I'm not proud to admit this, but I've never been the biggest fan of his accent—at least as it relates to singing—though I do wonder if part of my reaction to his voice is due to auto-tune, as it sometimes seems slightly tinny to me. I do find his voice to work very well in some more inflected songs, though, like "Guncakes" and "Reading for Days."

"Fly",by the way, was good; thanks for linking to it.

Anyway, another week, another chapter reread! In this episode: "Everything is my fault!" (and it's not just Blackjack saying it!); "What's consent?"; "Oh, shit, that really happened."; and much, much more!

Chapter 12 Editing:

The rain splashed down over the carefully written letters: ‘Mercy.’

Quotation mark inside period.


Call me a cynic, but to me barding and a shotgun protected and defended much more reliably than belief. Then a tiny mote of light appeared at the end of Priest’s horn. For a moment, I wondered just what was to happen.

Triple space after period following "belief."


Maybe someday I could stay and listen, but right then I couldn’t stand it any longer. For the first time since I could remember, I felt… good.

Triple space after period following "longer."


That meant that the attackers had gotten out of the museum after they'd finished, but since the other bodies had just been left there… Whoever had attacked the museum

There should be a second space after the ellipsis if it is used in place of a full stop, as implied by the following word's capitalization.


They argued. I could only see the brown one’s words.

Only one space following period after "argued."


It is odd, isn’t it?” I could honestly think of worse things to do with one’s life.

There should probably be another space after the end of the quotation (Sekashi speaking).


(I’d gotten her name, but I simply refused to call her ‘Charity.’)

Quotation mark inside period.


Sadly, ponies hither and yon have got into a bit of a frenzy for the elusive mare around the Hoofington region.”

This paragraph shouldn't end with a quotation mark.


Sweet and crunchy good-

Should be em-dash, so another hyphen after the first.


That I tripped wasn’t special; it could happen to anypony. (Included for context.)
That I tripped over a fresh corpse: only my luck could be that bad.

The portion before the colon in the second line isn't an independent clause, so the colon should be either a dash or a comma, or a verb could be added:
That I tripped over a fresh corpse was:


There was a crude barricade built around the area, and a campfire made my mutant nightvision flare and fight with my normal sight.

You normally use "night vision," which seems to be the preferred spelling elsewhere, as well.


“Great,” I sighed as I floated out my rifle and focused down the barrel.

She has a carbine, not a rifle.


Usually, though, there always seemed to be something noisy that I somehow missed.

The bolded words make a weird combination. Perhaps change "always" to something like "just," or simply excise it. Or "usually" could be replaced with something along the lines of "unfortunately."


The terminal flickered and flashed to life, and a mare spoke out in a staticy tone of glee.

"Staticky"


I looked at the five bound ponies and then out into the glare of the floodlights. “Your capture will earn me an impressive fortune for my research.

Triple space after period following "floodlights."


Then a mine exploded with a resounding ‘crak.’

Quotation mark inside period.


Of course, finding the right place wasn’t easy, but eventually I happened across a ring of trailers at a old campsite.

"An old campsite."


Relax… relaxing… any second now… come on.

There should only be one space after the first ellipsis.


Maybe what I needed was a little bit of...entertainment to get me to sleep.

There should be a space after the ellipsis.


I only knew one mare in 99 who’d use those two letters; me.

Should probably be a colon, not a semicolon.


Beginning of the chapter: “Not your place?” I whirled, glaring into his eyes. “You’re a… a… whatever you are! How could it not be your place to stop them?” No mare in Stable 99 would ever kill herself and deprive the stable of her abilities. Every life was needed! Important!
Later: If a mare died without producing a replacement (usually because of an accident or suicide; despite what I’d said to Priest, it did happen occasionally, but the perpetrators were even more thoroughly forgotten than the normal 99 dead), then the Overmare would allow an extra mare to be bred.

Blackjack never actually said there were no suicides in 99, or that they were unthinkable, to Priest. She said it only in narration. Which makes me wonder if one of these is an error: if one of the narrative sentences in the first passage should have been in the speech, or if the "despite what I'd said to Priest" shouldn't be there.


The sound of Stable-approved recreational music in the atrium.

Probably shouldn't capitalize "stable."


There were only three kinds of large celebrations in 99: A cutecenera, which marked when a mare could start performing duties for the stable, the birth of a foal (but that was usually a smaller affair in the cafeteria), and the Overmare’s birthday.

Shouldn't capitalize "a" after the colon.


“You don’t actually do anything here except breed, so the least you should do is be happy about it-”

Quotation should end with an em-dash, so a second hyphen should follow the first.


The one who’d cried... the... whole... time....

Don't need the fourth dot in the final ellipsis.


As the last three rounds tore into the pegasus’ limb, I watched it fall off!

"pegasus's"


I made my way to a side door and found it locked. Still, this was a pretty simple lock. Easier than those tiny little things on the ammo crates.

Looking back, she'd used her last bobby pin trying to open up that ammo box from earlier (I’d tried my hoof at opening a locked ammo box I found, and instead of opening it I just lost my last bobby pin; not willing to lose something potentially useful, I decided to just lug the heavy thing around until I found another pin to try with.) I don't think anything has said she got another since then.


I passed by the showers and walked silently by the rows and rows of lockers...okay, no, I silently checked the lockers for loot.

There should be a space after the ellipsis.


I found book titled ‘Martial Mayhem’ and took it only because of the picture on the cover; a zebra kicking a head clean off!

The semicolon should probably be a colon.


I happened across a storage locker with some cleaning supplies and duct tape. Well, I could carry a little more, I figured. Into the bags it went. If nothing else, it would give me something to trade with the cap-monger back in Chapel.

Depending on what "it" refers to, this might be wrong. In the third sentence, "it" should probably be "they," referring to the cleaning supplies and duct tape; the "it" in the last sentence is, I think, fine as "it," referring to the act of putting them in the bag.


I’d almost slipped out when I noticed, on a bank of larger lockers, one tiny placard on the front: ‘Stonewing.’

Quotation mark inside period.


A...something; somepony had purposefully defaced the name tag.

I'm not entirely sure on this one, but maybe there should be a space after the ellipsis.


A prompt read, “Please specify locker.” I entered ‘Stonewing.’ “Please specify password.”

Would you normally use single-quotes for the prompts? Also, possible period placement issues.


Slowly I reached out with my magic and typed ‘Rainbow Dash.’

Should period be after quotation mark?


I don’t know what I expected. There were a number of pictures glued to the inside of the locker.

Only one space after period following "expected."


An autographed picture of Rainbow Dash giving a wink and writing, “Don’t give up yet.”

Would you normally use single-quotes for this?


The only thing that remained was a folded note. “Hey. If you’re reading this, please get out of Stone’s locker. I took his harness and put it where it’s safe. And if it’s you, Jet, it’s in the place where he did that thing that one time. Pick it up whenever you’re ready. Big Macintosh. P.S. Honestly, Stone? ‘Rainbow Dash?’ What were you thinking?”

Would you normally use single-quotes for this?


Really, it hadn’t been that much of a guess. Whatever had been important was gone and safe.

Only one space after period following "guess."


In a break room I rescued a case of Bridle Buck Beer and decided that, well, being drunk hadn’t make me lose last time!

"hadn't made" or "didn't make"


“Careful… careful…”

There should only be one space after the first ellipsis.


Vanity began, but my host gave a dismissive ‘tch.’

Period should be outside quotation mark.


Once we were together, we could free P-21...and I could work stuff out.

There should be a space after the ellipsis.


Okay, this was tough, but I’d faced worse odds! At least I had a little buzz going.

Only one space after the exclamation point.

Other Old Chapter Editing:

2: From their mottled appearance and black leathers, it was pretty clear that these were similar to the breed that had attacked our Stable.

Shouldn't capitalize "stable."


3: “We’re supposed to tell Stable folk they’re trash, remember?”

Shouldn't capitalize "stable."


9: A computer file that is apparently so valuable that my Stable had been raided to retrieve it.

Shouldn't capitalize "stable."


11: I looked around and spotted a tiny poster showing a grey ring.

"gray"


16: Neon bars of light rose and fell in rainbow cascades behind their plastic casings, and beam talismans began to fill the space with flickering bars of dancing colour.

"color"


18: I felt pretty good as I pulled it open and… saw a box of twelve gauge shells and a tube of wonderglue.

"Wonderglue" should be capitalized.

Wow. And I thought Littlepip had it rough.”
Littlepip... you…”
“I think Littlepip’s reaching that point… the questions she’s asking.
I know that Littlepip must be a special mare for you to take this chance.”

"LittlePip"


22: I carefully applied more blood to my disguise, trying to obscure the dried strips of hide wonderglued over my cards.

Should "wonderglued" be capitalized?


30: Even when her own sister forced her to adopt that ridiculous pseudonym ‘Fallen Glo-

Should end with an em-dash, so another hyphen after the first. I'm not sure if a closing quotation mark should be there or not.


31: A thick blonde mustache sat elegantly above his lip, and a tiny golden lock of mane curled off his brow.

In the two other uses, you spell it "blond."


There was always a need for more duct tape, wonderglue, and scrap metal.

"Wonderglue" should be capitalized.


32: Oh yeah. I was the pony with the nightvision eye.

You normally use "night vision," which seems to be the preferred spelling elsewhere, as well.


34: Her form shimmered and became an aging grey and white mare with a curious striped mane and legs.

"gray"


When can you take care of Littlepip’s… erm… little problem?”

"LittlePip"


35: The grey unicorn chuckled and shook her head, then gestured to her companion.

"gray"


36: “Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my--- ARRRGH!”

"my--ARRRGH!" You just need two hyphens, and no space.


I could imagine the grey tones as just mud.

"gray"


Gonna need some wonderglue, some turpentine, a hunk of innertube, and some grease…
Fortunately, P-21 found an oil can in the back of the bar, and Glory found the innertube and helped Scotch work.

"Wonderglue" should be capitalized, and "inner tube" is two words.


42: The grey unicorn’s card went tumbling away.

"gray"


My magic lifted a bottle of wonderglue from my bags and set about adhering the bomb collar in place.

"Wonderglue" should be capitalized.


45: As he came into view, I slipped into SATS and blasted him with three perfectly aimed shots to the head, two explosive and one spark… that still did pretty much nothing against his armor.

"S.A.T.S."


46: Water trickled in a sheet over the tile mosaics that lined the walls; colourful pony families gleefully riding the subway, the happy scenes now cracked and spotted with mold.
Below me, on an elegantly-crafted table, was a glass box that held a dozen colourful little puffballs with diaphanous wings.

"Colorful," and that semicolon should probably be a colon.


She scowled at the body, the blood, and mostly at me, then took a long pull off the cigarette and let the grey smoke out in a long plume.

"gray"


50: “You are not going-“

Should be an em-dash, so a second hyphen after the first. Also, should end with closing quotation mark, not opening: ” .


52: Steel Rain dived from out of the shadows towards the tiny vital piece of technology!

This is the only case where you use "dived" rather than "dove."


54: “Oh, my fortune telling has nothing to do with my Pinkie sense! It’s only good for vague and immediate events. Like that, see? …where did that even come from?”

"Where," after the ellipsis, should probably be capitalized since the ellipsis is not indicating elided words beginning the sentence, but just a pause before the sentence.


Tools, duct tape, wonderglue, scrap metal, plungers, wire, some arcane electronics scrap, and capacitors were all arranged around her in a fan.
I must have looked ridiculous; my reinforcements made wearing normal barding impractical, so some of Sky Striker’s plates had been duct taped and wonderglued to my augmented limbs to cover the gaps.

"Wonderglue" should be capitalized, and maybe "wonderglued" as well.


“Aren’t the socio-sexual mores of Stable ponies fascinating?”

Shoudn't capitalize "stable."


55: I saw the large Stable Tec R&D building and wondered if I might make a side trip to my side trip.
A marked improvement over the original Stable Tec design in terms of processing power and capabilities,”
“If only Stable Tec was willing to sell them to us directly…”

"Stable-Tec"



45: I’ve found Hellhounds less tenacious.
49: The pair looked at each other, and the Hellhound just gave an indifferent shrug.
50: Go to that Hellhound base?
51: I felt a sudden urge to run out to the badlands and play doctor with Hellhounds,
54: The shielded alicorn seemed to be an irresistible target to the Hellhounds.
In the distance, we saw Deus tearing across the Wasteland with a crowd of Hellhounds in close pursuit.

These are the only cases where "hellhound" is capitalized absent starting a sentence or something.


2: We’d been traveling for almost three hours, and it felt like a lot longer;
8: He was obviously telling the truth; clearly none of the traveling ponies could be hiding wings beneath their dusty robes and cloaks.
10: Perk added: Intense Training- Your experiences traveling in the Wasteland have allowed you to add one to your intelligence.

All other instances have been spelled "travelling."


4: Above all, she’s lonely and naïve.
“She’s an emotionally unstable and naive liability, Blackjack,”
6: We have no argument with the Collegiate and their naive ideals.
7: I’m not naïve enough to believe they’re all guilty and deserving of death, but I connect bounty hunters to bounties.
12: The former was nice, idealistic, naive, and bumbling.
Glory might have been be naive when it came to love, but she was a smarter muffin than me.
30: Innocent. Naïve. Good.
31: “Paladin Stronghoof’s naïve and adolescent fantasies of honor and protection hardly interest me.
32: Naive optimists like Steelhooves and Stronghoof have no place here.
34: “Amazingly stupid and naïve, anyway.”
44: Right?” she said with a wide, hopeful, and horribly naïve smile.
52: “I was just a naïve young pony going into the savage Wasteland.

Which way do you want to spell "naive"/"naïve"?


18: I stood on my rear hooves and rammed my pipbuck into the maw of the other as it lunged with a bite.
19: Provided the file even remained in my Pipbuck after being struck by lightning, of course.
22: Rivets had downloaded her supervisor’s code into Marmalade’s Pipbuck, and Midnight had transferred the Overmare’s code in from my delta model.
23: I pulled out the Delta Pipbuck.
30: My Pipbuck chirped, and Glory gave a slightly astonished smile.
37: Scotch had confirmed that my Pipbuck tag was still north of us.
42: I smacked the leg containing my Pipbuck against the walkway to try and fix my hearing.
46: “My Pipbuck isn’t working right.”
48: I’d let my Pipbuck inventory spell magically sort it all out and get them to fit.
The panel covering my Pipbuck had been stripped away, and the device was doing something... and the warden’s terminal was doing the same.
54: How easy it was for him, riding along in my Pipbuck, when I was the one who pulled the trigger.
A screeching, buzzing noise emanated from my Pipbuck, and I immediately turned the volume way down.
Then I glanced down at my hoof and opened up the panel, looking at my Pipbuck.

"PipBuck"


Lastly:
1) Is there meant to be a distinction between "machine gun" and "machinegun"? Both are used at different points, and I don't know if that's intentional.
2) Is it "EFS" or "E.F.S."?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by O. Hinds on Sun Jun 09, 2013 9:57 pm

Icy Shake wrote:
cb5 wrote:
Derpmind wrote:
I think his voice is weaker in this song than in his others. Anyway, LivingTombstone's native language/accent is Hebrew. He did one song in Hebrew over here, so judge for yourself if his voice sucks in general or not.
Yeah, it's kind of biased of how people are getting on him for being a non-native english speaker.

I'm not proud to admit this, but I've never been the biggest fan of his accent—at least as it relates to singing—though I do wonder if part of my reaction to his voice is due to auto-tune, as it sometimes seems slightly tinny to me. I do find his voice to work very well in some more inflected songs, though, like "Guncakes" and "Reading for Days."

"Fly",by the way, was good; thanks for linking to it.

Anyway, another week, another chapter reread! In this episode: "Everything is my fault!" (and it's not just Blackjack saying it!); "What's consent?"; "Oh, shit, that really happened."; and much, much more!

Chapter 12 Editing:

The rain splashed down over the carefully written letters: ‘Mercy.’

Quotation mark inside period.


Call me a cynic, but to me barding and a shotgun protected and defended much more reliably than belief. Then a tiny mote of light appeared at the end of Priest’s horn. For a moment, I wondered just what was to happen.

Triple space after period following "belief."


Maybe someday I could stay and listen, but right then I couldn’t stand it any longer. For the first time since I could remember, I felt… good.

Triple space after period following "longer."


That meant that the attackers had gotten out of the museum after they'd finished, but since the other bodies had just been left there… Whoever had attacked the museum

There should be a second space after the ellipsis if it is used in place of a full stop, as implied by the following word's capitalization.


They argued. I could only see the brown one’s words.

Only one space following period after "argued."


It is odd, isn’t it?” I could honestly think of worse things to do with one’s life.

There should probably be another space after the end of the quotation (Sekashi speaking).


(I’d gotten her name, but I simply refused to call her ‘Charity.’)

Quotation mark inside period.


Sadly, ponies hither and yon have got into a bit of a frenzy for the elusive mare around the Hoofington region.”

This paragraph shouldn't end with a quotation mark.


Sweet and crunchy good-

Should be em-dash, so another hyphen after the first.


That I tripped wasn’t special; it could happen to anypony. (Included for context.)
That I tripped over a fresh corpse: only my luck could be that bad.

The portion before the colon in the second line isn't an independent clause, so the colon should be either a dash or a comma, or a verb could be added:
That I tripped over a fresh corpse was:


There was a crude barricade built around the area, and a campfire made my mutant nightvision flare and fight with my normal sight.

You normally use "night vision," which seems to be the preferred spelling elsewhere, as well.


“Great,” I sighed as I floated out my rifle and focused down the barrel.

She has a carbine, not a rifle.


Usually, though, there always seemed to be something noisy that I somehow missed.

The bolded words make a weird combination. Perhaps change "always" to something like "just," or simply excise it. Or "usually" could be replaced with something along the lines of "unfortunately."


The terminal flickered and flashed to life, and a mare spoke out in a staticy tone of glee.

"Staticky"


I looked at the five bound ponies and then out into the glare of the floodlights. “Your capture will earn me an impressive fortune for my research.

Triple space after period following "floodlights."


Then a mine exploded with a resounding ‘crak.’

Quotation mark inside period.


Of course, finding the right place wasn’t easy, but eventually I happened across a ring of trailers at a old campsite.

"An old campsite."


Relax… relaxing… any second now… come on.

There should only be one space after the first ellipsis.


Maybe what I needed was a little bit of...entertainment to get me to sleep.

There should be a space after the ellipsis.


I only knew one mare in 99 who’d use those two letters; me.

Should probably be a colon, not a semicolon.


Beginning of the chapter: “Not your place?” I whirled, glaring into his eyes. “You’re a… a… whatever you are! How could it not be your place to stop them?” No mare in Stable 99 would ever kill herself and deprive the stable of her abilities. Every life was needed! Important!
Later: If a mare died without producing a replacement (usually because of an accident or suicide; despite what I’d said to Priest, it did happen occasionally, but the perpetrators were even more thoroughly forgotten than the normal 99 dead), then the Overmare would allow an extra mare to be bred.

Blackjack never actually said there were no suicides in 99, or that they were unthinkable, to Priest. She said it only in narration. Which makes me wonder if one of these is an error: if one of the narrative sentences in the first passage should have been in the speech, or if the "despite what I'd said to Priest" shouldn't be there.


The sound of Stable-approved recreational music in the atrium.

Probably shouldn't capitalize "stable."


There were only three kinds of large celebrations in 99: A cutecenera, which marked when a mare could start performing duties for the stable, the birth of a foal (but that was usually a smaller affair in the cafeteria), and the Overmare’s birthday.

Shouldn't capitalize "a" after the colon.


“You don’t actually do anything here except breed, so the least you should do is be happy about it-”

Quotation should end with an em-dash, so a second hyphen should follow the first.


The one who’d cried... the... whole... time....

Don't need the fourth dot in the final ellipsis.


As the last three rounds tore into the pegasus’ limb, I watched it fall off!

"pegasus's"


I made my way to a side door and found it locked. Still, this was a pretty simple lock. Easier than those tiny little things on the ammo crates.

Looking back, she'd used her last bobby pin trying to open up that ammo box from earlier (I’d tried my hoof at opening a locked ammo box I found, and instead of opening it I just lost my last bobby pin; not willing to lose something potentially useful, I decided to just lug the heavy thing around until I found another pin to try with.) I don't think anything has said she got another since then.


I passed by the showers and walked silently by the rows and rows of lockers...okay, no, I silently checked the lockers for loot.

There should be a space after the ellipsis.


I found book titled ‘Martial Mayhem’ and took it only because of the picture on the cover; a zebra kicking a head clean off!

The semicolon should probably be a colon.


I happened across a storage locker with some cleaning supplies and duct tape. Well, I could carry a little more, I figured. Into the bags it went. If nothing else, it would give me something to trade with the cap-monger back in Chapel.

Depending on what "it" refers to, this might be wrong. In the third sentence, "it" should probably be "they," referring to the cleaning supplies and duct tape; the "it" in the last sentence is, I think, fine as "it," referring to the act of putting them in the bag.


I’d almost slipped out when I noticed, on a bank of larger lockers, one tiny placard on the front: ‘Stonewing.’

Quotation mark inside period.


A...something; somepony had purposefully defaced the name tag.

I'm not entirely sure on this one, but maybe there should be a space after the ellipsis.


A prompt read, “Please specify locker.” I entered ‘Stonewing.’ “Please specify password.”

Would you normally use single-quotes for the prompts? Also, possible period placement issues.


Slowly I reached out with my magic and typed ‘Rainbow Dash.’

Should period be after quotation mark?


I don’t know what I expected. There were a number of pictures glued to the inside of the locker.

Only one space after period following "expected."


An autographed picture of Rainbow Dash giving a wink and writing, “Don’t give up yet.”

Would you normally use single-quotes for this?


The only thing that remained was a folded note. “Hey. If you’re reading this, please get out of Stone’s locker. I took his harness and put it where it’s safe. And if it’s you, Jet, it’s in the place where he did that thing that one time. Pick it up whenever you’re ready. Big Macintosh. P.S. Honestly, Stone? ‘Rainbow Dash?’ What were you thinking?”

Would you normally use single-quotes for this?


Really, it hadn’t been that much of a guess. Whatever had been important was gone and safe.

Only one space after period following "guess."


In a break room I rescued a case of Bridle Buck Beer and decided that, well, being drunk hadn’t make me lose last time!

"hadn't made" or "didn't make"


“Careful… careful…”

There should only be one space after the first ellipsis.


Vanity began, but my host gave a dismissive ‘tch.’

Period should be outside quotation mark.


Once we were together, we could free P-21...and I could work stuff out.

There should be a space after the ellipsis.


Okay, this was tough, but I’d faced worse odds! At least I had a little buzz going.

Only one space after the exclamation point.

Other Old Chapter Editing:

2: From their mottled appearance and black leathers, it was pretty clear that these were similar to the breed that had attacked our Stable.

Shouldn't capitalize "stable."


3: “We’re supposed to tell Stable folk they’re trash, remember?”

Shouldn't capitalize "stable."


9: A computer file that is apparently so valuable that my Stable had been raided to retrieve it.

Shouldn't capitalize "stable."


11: I looked around and spotted a tiny poster showing a grey ring.

"gray"


16: Neon bars of light rose and fell in rainbow cascades behind their plastic casings, and beam talismans began to fill the space with flickering bars of dancing colour.

"color"


18: I felt pretty good as I pulled it open and… saw a box of twelve gauge shells and a tube of wonderglue.

"Wonderglue" should be capitalized.

Wow. And I thought Littlepip had it rough.”
Littlepip... you…”
“I think Littlepip’s reaching that point… the questions she’s asking.
I know that Littlepip must be a special mare for you to take this chance.”

"LittlePip"


22: I carefully applied more blood to my disguise, trying to obscure the dried strips of hide wonderglued over my cards.

Should "wonderglued" be capitalized?


30: Even when her own sister forced her to adopt that ridiculous pseudonym ‘Fallen Glo-

Should end with an em-dash, so another hyphen after the first. I'm not sure if a closing quotation mark should be there or not.


31: A thick blonde mustache sat elegantly above his lip, and a tiny golden lock of mane curled off his brow.

In the two other uses, you spell it "blond."


There was always a need for more duct tape, wonderglue, and scrap metal.

"Wonderglue" should be capitalized.


32: Oh yeah. I was the pony with the nightvision eye.

You normally use "night vision," which seems to be the preferred spelling elsewhere, as well.


34: Her form shimmered and became an aging grey and white mare with a curious striped mane and legs.

"gray"


When can you take care of Littlepip’s… erm… little problem?”

"LittlePip"


35: The grey unicorn chuckled and shook her head, then gestured to her companion.

"gray"


36: “Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my--- ARRRGH!”

"my--ARRRGH!" You just need two hyphens, and no space.


I could imagine the grey tones as just mud.

"gray"


Gonna need some wonderglue, some turpentine, a hunk of innertube, and some grease…
Fortunately, P-21 found an oil can in the back of the bar, and Glory found the innertube and helped Scotch work.

"Wonderglue" should be capitalized, and "inner tube" is two words.


42: The grey unicorn’s card went tumbling away.

"gray"


My magic lifted a bottle of wonderglue from my bags and set about adhering the bomb collar in place.

"Wonderglue" should be capitalized.


45: As he came into view, I slipped into SATS and blasted him with three perfectly aimed shots to the head, two explosive and one spark… that still did pretty much nothing against his armor.

"S.A.T.S."


46: Water trickled in a sheet over the tile mosaics that lined the walls; colourful pony families gleefully riding the subway, the happy scenes now cracked and spotted with mold.
Below me, on an elegantly-crafted table, was a glass box that held a dozen colourful little puffballs with diaphanous wings.

"Colorful," and that semicolon should probably be a colon.


She scowled at the body, the blood, and mostly at me, then took a long pull off the cigarette and let the grey smoke out in a long plume.

"gray"


50: “You are not going-“

Should be an em-dash, so a second hyphen after the first. Also, should end with closing quotation mark, not opening: ” .


52: Steel Rain dived from out of the shadows towards the tiny vital piece of technology!

This is the only case where you use "dived" rather than "dove."


54: “Oh, my fortune telling has nothing to do with my Pinkie sense! It’s only good for vague and immediate events. Like that, see? …where did that even come from?”

"Where," after the ellipsis, should probably be capitalized since the ellipsis is not indicating elided words beginning the sentence, but just a pause before the sentence.


Tools, duct tape, wonderglue, scrap metal, plungers, wire, some arcane electronics scrap, and capacitors were all arranged around her in a fan.
I must have looked ridiculous; my reinforcements made wearing normal barding impractical, so some of Sky Striker’s plates had been duct taped and wonderglued to my augmented limbs to cover the gaps.

"Wonderglue" should be capitalized, and maybe "wonderglued" as well.


“Aren’t the socio-sexual mores of Stable ponies fascinating?”

Shoudn't capitalize "stable."


55: I saw the large Stable Tec R&D building and wondered if I might make a side trip to my side trip.
A marked improvement over the original Stable Tec design in terms of processing power and capabilities,”
“If only Stable Tec was willing to sell them to us directly…”

"Stable-Tec"



45: I’ve found Hellhounds less tenacious.
49: The pair looked at each other, and the Hellhound just gave an indifferent shrug.
50: Go to that Hellhound base?
51: I felt a sudden urge to run out to the badlands and play doctor with Hellhounds,
54: The shielded alicorn seemed to be an irresistible target to the Hellhounds.
In the distance, we saw Deus tearing across the Wasteland with a crowd of Hellhounds in close pursuit.

These are the only cases where "hellhound" is capitalized absent starting a sentence or something.


2: We’d been traveling for almost three hours, and it felt like a lot longer;
8: He was obviously telling the truth; clearly none of the traveling ponies could be hiding wings beneath their dusty robes and cloaks.
10: Perk added: Intense Training- Your experiences traveling in the Wasteland have allowed you to add one to your intelligence.

All other instances have been spelled "travelling."


4: Above all, she’s lonely and naïve.
“She’s an emotionally unstable and naive liability, Blackjack,”
6: We have no argument with the Collegiate and their naive ideals.
7: I’m not naïve enough to believe they’re all guilty and deserving of death, but I connect bounty hunters to bounties.
12: The former was nice, idealistic, naive, and bumbling.
Glory might have been be naive when it came to love, but she was a smarter muffin than me.
30: Innocent. Naïve. Good.
31: “Paladin Stronghoof’s naïve and adolescent fantasies of honor and protection hardly interest me.
32: Naive optimists like Steelhooves and Stronghoof have no place here.
34: “Amazingly stupid and naïve, anyway.”
44: Right?” she said with a wide, hopeful, and horribly naïve smile.
52: “I was just a naïve young pony going into the savage Wasteland.

Which way do you want to spell "naive"/"naïve"?


18: I stood on my rear hooves and rammed my pipbuck into the maw of the other as it lunged with a bite.
19: Provided the file even remained in my Pipbuck after being struck by lightning, of course.
22: Rivets had downloaded her supervisor’s code into Marmalade’s Pipbuck, and Midnight had transferred the Overmare’s code in from my delta model.
23: I pulled out the Delta Pipbuck.
30: My Pipbuck chirped, and Glory gave a slightly astonished smile.
37: Scotch had confirmed that my Pipbuck tag was still north of us.
42: I smacked the leg containing my Pipbuck against the walkway to try and fix my hearing.
46: “My Pipbuck isn’t working right.”
48: I’d let my Pipbuck inventory spell magically sort it all out and get them to fit.
The panel covering my Pipbuck had been stripped away, and the device was doing something... and the warden’s terminal was doing the same.
54: How easy it was for him, riding along in my Pipbuck, when I was the one who pulled the trigger.
A screeching, buzzing noise emanated from my Pipbuck, and I immediately turned the volume way down.
Then I glanced down at my hoof and opened up the panel, looking at my Pipbuck.

"PipBuck"


Lastly:
1) Is there meant to be a distinction between "machine gun" and "machinegun"? Both are used at different points, and I don't know if that's intentional.
2) Is it "EFS" or "E.F.S."?
Ah, thank you very much, as usual.

Icy Shake wrote:That I tripped wasn’t special; it could happen to anypony. (Included for context.)
That I tripped over a fresh corpse: only my luck could be that bad.

The portion before the colon in the second line isn't an independent clause, so the colon should be either a dash or a comma, or a verb could be added:
That I tripped over a fresh corpse was:
I pondered this for a short while. You're right about the fault, I think, but I ended up deciding to leave it for stylistic reasons. Sorry.

Icy Shake wrote:Lastly:
1) Is there meant to be a distinction between "machine gun" and "machinegun"? Both are used at different points, and I don't know if that's intentional.
2) Is it "EFS" or "E.F.S."?
1: There's not meant to be a distinction, no.
2: I'm not sure; I've forwarded that to Somber.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Cptadder on Sun Jun 09, 2013 10:16 pm

O. Hinds wrote:
2) Is it "EFS" or "E.F.S."?
2: I'm not sure; I've forwarded that to Somber.[/quote]
It could be E.F.S or EFS depending on context. As it's Eye's Forward Sparkle, EFS is proper in reports, casual discussion or shorthand while E.F.S in trade journals or technical documentation.

Man it's been awhile since I used my old school document writing because the rules governing when you write out the dot dot dot VS just combining them are all kinds of archaic.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by SilentCarto on Sun Jun 09, 2013 10:44 pm

Karasu wrote:See, now i kind of want to make a FoE:PH version of the Arkham Horror board game, we could only have 1 old one, but it wouldn't be too hard....at least i don't think it would be.
I was thinking the same thing when I posted that. Now I kinda want to make it work...

Brain, stop thinking about game mechanics... seriously, stop it right now...

Icy Shake wrote:

Source
Why
Did... you just...

Rage
THAT'S MY POST YOU POST STEALING SON OF A STUD!

Nah, seriously, thanks for doing that. I can't catch page 34 every time.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by O. Hinds on Sun Jun 09, 2013 11:07 pm

Cptadder wrote:It could be E.F.S or EFS depending on context. As it's Eye's Forward Sparkle, EFS is proper in reports, casual discussion or shorthand while E.F.S in trade journals or technical documentation.

Man it's been awhile since I used my old school document writing because the rules governing when you write out the dot dot dot VS just combining them are all kinds of archaic.
Hm, thank you for the information.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Icy Shake on Sun Jun 09, 2013 11:25 pm

O. Hinds wrote:
Cptadder wrote:It could be E.F.S or EFS depending on context. As it's Eye's Forward Sparkle, EFS is proper in reports, casual discussion or shorthand while E.F.S in trade journals or technical documentation.

Man it's been awhile since I used my old school document writing because the rules governing when you write out the dot dot dot VS just combining them are all kinds of archaic.
Hm, thank you for the information.

That's certainly workable, and thank you for the input, but I just did what I should have done from the beginning, but didn't because—WhyHeylookoverthere!Scootaloo—and checked FoE. Turns out there were only three instances of "EFS," all over the course of four pages in a single chapter and in contexts indistinguishable from most uses of "E.F.S.," which reinforces the complete absence of "SATS" to suggest, to me, that in context it might just be "E.F.S."

Also, SilentCarto, I'm glad you're okay with me stepping on your turf in this case.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by FeatherDust on Mon Jun 10, 2013 7:44 am

Overlong Analysis Cobalt wrote:Not everyone can have the voice of [insert awesome singer here; I'd want Devin Townsend for this, for my part, he can hit the notes this song wanted to hit and then some], sadly. But injecting some aggro into this song's vocals definitely would have made me like it more. The actual tune and beat and stuff were pretty enjoyable. Not all that complex, but fun. An enjoyable texture.
His voice doesn't bug me, but sadly I don't like this song. It's what I think of as "mishmash music" -- there's effectively no melody or chording, it's just one big mess of sound, and then it stops.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by FeatherDust on Mon Jun 10, 2013 7:47 am

Harmony Ltd. wrote:And that's why you don't want to use Paypal for anything serious.

Let it stand as a lesson to anyone wanting to mount any kind of business that Paypal is not to be trusted under any circumstances.

Seriously, you could fit an entire tumblr with Paypal Horror Stories...
Okay.... I've been hearing that from a lot from bronies recently: "that terrible Paypal and how they keep screwing us".

Do PayPal's policies cause problems for the likes of BUCK and the Past Sins printing project (and presumably for PH printing as well)? Yes, of course. But while there are plenty of things that you can dislike PayPal for, this isn't one of them.

One of PayPal's basic policies is that they do not give out money until the product is delivered, or in the case of an event, until the event has happened. PayPal is not Kickstarter. This is their fraud protection; this stops a criminal from, for example, claiming to start a convention, getting lots of people to pay money, then withdrawing the cash and just not doing the event (or whatever they said they'd do).

I'm not sure of all the legalities there, but there's a good chance PayPal could be on the hook for the money in that case, and either way they'd be paying legal fees to defend against angry users. It can be a problem for people trying to fund projects, but it's the best thing for Paypal from a business standpoint, and it's not as if this is secret information. It's part of the agreement you have to sign when you set up a Paypal account.

I sympathize with those who had problems because of that policy, but it's not PayPal doing something horrible. (Unless that's not what caused the problem for the PH project, in which case never mind me.)
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by WavemasterRyx on Mon Jun 10, 2013 9:34 am

I need to listen to the Living Tombstone's song a few more times without distractions. I think I ended up giving it a premature assessment.

This piece seems quite lovely though.



Last edited by WavemasterRyx on Mon Jun 10, 2013 10:37 am; edited 1 time in total
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Ketchup on Mon Jun 10, 2013 10:26 am

WavemasterRyx wrote:This piece seems quite lovely though.
Spoiler:

I like this. Reminds me of some of the music from A Link to the Past.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by SilentCarto on Mon Jun 10, 2013 11:53 am

FeatherDust wrote:I sympathize with those who had problems because of that policy, but it's not PayPal doing something horrible. (Unless that's not what caused the problem for the PH project, in which case never mind me.)
There's plenty of reasons to dislike Paypal, even so. Not necessarily reasons they could control, but still.

Paypal and eBay are based out of California, which means that they're beholden to California laws on all their transactions whether or not any items ever pass through the state. (They went to court over this, but the state won.) The result of that which affects me personally is that both services are tremendously unfriendly to weapons of any sort. You can't even use Paypal to pay for any gun parts or accessories unless the seller is a registered firearms dealer, even if the parts are not legally considered firearms (such as barrels, sights, and magazines.)

They also seem to exercise a pretty draconian "one strike and you're out" sort of policy that can be a shock to a lot of people. Paypal's policies are geared toward businesses, which will generally be very cautious about the legalities of their situation, while most "civilian" users aren't prepared to deal with that level of legalism. So someone who thinks everything is fine suddenly gets a locked account and a surprise nastygram, and naturally turns around and tells all their friends what horrible people Paypal is run by.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Caoimhe on Mon Jun 10, 2013 7:54 pm

Niphl wrote:Bronode is going by a different handle these days. The symbol I use is a better name for me than any string of characters.

Kind of difficult to put a weird circle thingy into words, though. Niphl's fine for now.

Posting to inform that you are now known as Niphlball, wherein I will throw you at people but they won't get hurt, but you will make a soothing flutter sound.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by FeatherDust on Tue Jun 11, 2013 8:14 am

FeatherDust wrote:...But while there are plenty of things that you can dislike PayPal for, this isn't one of them.
SilentCarto wrote:There's plenty of reasons to dislike Paypal, even so. Not necessarily reasons they could control, but still.
Right. Like I said. While there are lots of things you can complain about, I don't think "we don't pay out until the job is done" is a legitimate one of them. It's a feature, not a bug, as they say.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Harmony Ltd. on Wed Jun 12, 2013 4:43 am

I've... seen things you people wouldn't believe. [wheezing laugh] Saw a Goddess falling to its knee... Cities drowning under the boiling seas... All these moments will be lost in time [cough] ... like dust in the desert...

Time... to die.

Spoiler:
Goldenblood ?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Valikdu on Wed Jun 12, 2013 5:17 am

Spoiler:
Well, at least this time around we'll know what the character is actually talking about.
Instead of thinking "WTH is Tannhauser Gate?"
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Harmony Ltd. on Wed Jun 12, 2013 5:40 am

Spoiler:
Knowing what he is talking about kind of defeat the "I've seen things you people wouldn't believe" part, to be honest.

Though only BJ would know for having immersed herself time and times again in GB's memories. It's true normal people would have a hard time understanding what exactly he's talking about.

I'm still wondering about the "cities drowning under the boiling seas" part. Supposedly he was already either dead or put in isolation / suspended animation when the bombs fell.

I wanted to say "I looked into the heart of a dying star", but I can't remember if it was Goldenblood or Horse who showed the Tokamare to what's her face with the shield.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Harmony Ltd. on Wed Jun 12, 2013 5:53 am

Alternate version :


I've... seen things you people wouldn't believe. [wheezing laugh] Living waves of fire and steel, clashing on the bladed shores of a forgotten land... Rays of the purest light dancing in the dark skies of the longest night... All these moments will be lost in time [cough] ... like dust in the desert...

Time... to die.



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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Meleagridis on Wed Jun 12, 2013 1:35 pm

Harmony Ltd. wrote:I wanted to say "I looked into the heart of a dying star", but I can't remember if it was Goldenblood or Horse who showed the Tokamare to what's her face with the shield.
Well I remember that Horse invited her to the showing. Golden was at the party beforehand, though.

By the way, any thoughts on that fancy shield taking the blast of several tonnes of moonstone and starmetal?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Harmony Ltd. on Wed Jun 12, 2013 1:56 pm

Reserved.

That may well go either way : perfect containment, or at the reverse catastrophic containment failure.

...

though now I'm imagining channeling all the blast's energy through a modification of the shield's geometry to utterly destroy the Core above while leaving the rest of Equestria unharmed...
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by cb5 on Wed Jun 12, 2013 2:48 pm

Harmony Ltd. wrote:Reserved.

That may well go either way : perfect containment, or at the reverse catastrophic containment failure.

...

though now I'm imagining channeling all the blast's energy through a modification of the shield's geometry to utterly destroy the Core above while leaving the rest of Equestria unharmed...








Or use the core's own energy to make a shield and collapse in on itself?  Now before you say, "wouldn't that create a blackhole and destroy the world?", no physics wise collapsing the area the size of the core, or the eater of souls, would make a micro blackhole and due to entropy it would last on the matter of planck time, lose energy rapidly and then disappear.  A star the size of our sun would make a blackhole the size of roughly the size of the earth, the earth would make a nickel size blackhole.  Also blackholes do not have increased gravity, rather the gravity well is focused at a point.  If the sun suddenly turned into a blackhole we would have to worry about the ecretion disk exerting charged particles killing all life, not the gravity cause the gravity would be the same, just more focused.  A blackhole the size of the core, or the eater of souls, would make a blackhole less than the size of a molecule and would on planck time expend it's energy.

Think of entropy as like a house and how hot it is inside.  A large house takes much more energy to heat up, but it retains it's heat for much longer.  A smaller house(with the same amount of insulation) retains it's heat for much less time and takes much less energy to heat up.

If the eater of souls was collapsed into a pinhole blackhole, then what the people outside the shield would see would the shield crushing everything until molten, heat up and waves upon waves of intense heat and brighter and brighter light from energy loss as heat.  As the ball became smaller and smaller it would turn from white hot to black, more and more ultraviolet radiation, blacken completely, pump out tons of xrays, then gamma rays becoming the size of a couch, then the size of a baseball, the size of quarter, the size of a dot, then invisibly small and then disappear completely due to rapid energy loss.

The downside is that it would have to be ONLY the EoS on the inside of the shield and it would be putting out so much heat, radiation, xrays and gamma rays that it would completely melt anything and everything inside to lava and the city above beginning to sink down from no longer being supported with the buildings crashing into each other as it became a crater.

The good side is the eater of souls would be completely and totally gone forever.  The downside is the entire chamber would be reduced to a extremely radioactive sludge of lava and whatever is above would sag down to fill the empty hole.  The left over crater would be so hot and radioactive that the lava sludge would take years to cool down.  If the chamber was partly under water it would cool down much faster, but it would create a insane amount of steam that the the entire region of Equestria would be blanketed in steam.  Not to mention it would be so radioactive that not even ghouls or alicorns could travel into it or have their cells burst and liquify them in seconds turn into a puddle.


That would be a pretty badass ending to Project Horizons.  Blackjack activating the program, rapid fire teleporting as much as she can to save time, the ocean rushing in, her running through melting hallways trying to escape busting down doors hot enough that the hinges are melting, her fire protection suit melting with each drop of lava.  All while the roof is collapsing and her mechanical parts malfunctioning and breaking from the heat and her skin and organic parts overheating.  Only to get far enough away that lacunae or rampage could go in and get her while taking in insane radiation with lacunae rapid fire teleporting them, get exhausted and sick and rampage dragging them both to minimum safe distance while crawling.
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