[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

SilentCarto wrote:Oh boy, next chapter! Will BJ get out of the shadow world, or will Cogjack get to run free unimpeded for another chapter? Probably the latter, but that's drama, folks!

Chapter 67 Commentary:

Editing:

Ah, thank you.

SilentCarto wrote:starts, like

Hm, I think not, sorry.

SilentCarto wrote:rocks, cold

…Also no. That doesn't seem to me to sound as good.

SilentCarto wrote:These two statements don't quite mesh. The ill wisdom of staying here isn't related to Cogs' actions. This should probably segue with, "And neither can I."

I'm sorry, but here, as more than a matter of style, I neither see the problem you mean to point out nor have any idea how to apply your proposed correction in a way that makes sense.
Why is the ill wisdom of staying here not related to Cognitum's actions? I mean, it's Amadi's actions as well, but that does't seem to be what you're saying.

SilentCarto wrote:The halves of this sentence don't fit. It should be "less and less dependent every year/month/time period" or "less dependent than they were at the start of the war".

I believe that the time period is implied. I seem to be turning a lot of these down. Sorry…

SilentCarto wrote:This isn't entirely clear. I thought he shot her until she was mentioned to be unconscious later. I assume he cast a knockout spell instead?

I'm sorry; I don't know how we could make it clearer. I mean, it never mentions Goldenblood turning the gun to aim at her.

SilentCarto wrote:Also, you misspelled Cadence, but the show keeps doing that, too.

I checked when we were working on the chapter, IIRC; PH has standardized on "Cadance".

SilentCarto wrote:I thought the scream was inaudible in memories.

I don't recall that. In any case, even if it hasn't been, Blackjack hasn't been in quite this sort of memory before.

SilentCarto wrote:Why did the Kerbal Space Program theme just start playing in my head?

:D
I'm still waiting for 0.24 so that it won't interrupt my playthrough…

Again, sorry for turning down so many of your editing suggestions.

SilentCarto wrote:

“There’s a star spirit bound within the moonstone.”

Uh.
Hmm.
WHERE IN THE DEEPEST REACHES OF TARTARUS DID HE GET A STAR SPIRIT?!
And, uh, what's the big deal? Is the implication that the Eater would eat the spirit no matter where Tom landed, and that would give it the power to rise?

The implication is that even the Redoubt wouldn't be safe at all. When the EoS originally impacted on the planet, it didn't just hit with a shitload of physical power but also magical power. All life on the planet was wiped out. (Then followed by life redeveloping kinda quickly) Tom presumably contains enough life-magic stuff that if it landed in the middle of nowhere it would still wipe the planet clean of life. As for how Goldenblood got a star spirit, whatever that exactly is, ... *shrug* Maybe he made it, or found pieces of one or found one orbiting or, well, I have no clue.

Also, really sorry I didn't do a commentary when I read the chapter, Somber. I should have, but I couldn't stop reading.

Watch the Star Spirit be Empress Faust

Hey, I thought of something recently; what if Glory is pregnant as well?

I mean, she was looking oddly at that starmetal-made fetus, Luna told Blackjack that she has beautiful children, and now Glory is crying... I know that this doesn't necesserely has to point to anything, but I'm just saying...

On the funny side note, if I am wrong, then this is the second time today that I thought a character from a pony story is pregnant and was wrong (don't ask).

Sorry if the topic had been brought up already and I missed it.

As for the latest chapter... nothing much to comment on. It was great, it was awesome...

Now that that walking piece of trash is dead (you know who I am talking about ;p) the only thing that I want to happen is to Blackjack get back to Glory. Of course, that's out of "want-to-happen-now" things, there are still some things left for what I can patiently wait to happen, but I don't mind waiting (you know, stuff like Cogs, Legate and the Eater biting the dust, BJ foal being safe [cause I don't believe Somber plans to kill it... did something like that once in my own story, I felt so bad...], Rampage getting at least some sort of punishment for abandoning BJ [seriously, I get that Blackjack will probably forgive her, but at least something...] Echo getting shot [yeah, I know, again, that BJ will probably forgive him, but guy can dream]... BJ, Glory and Tenebra having a threesome ;p. The last one was a joke.

Seriously, though, with the... "quete description" like that (you know, the one under every chapter title), I expected that Blackjack would finally confront Cogs, who, as it turns out, is doing the exact thing I was afraid two chapters ago she would do, making Blackjack look like and ass. The fact that everpony is buying it... Well, maybe Glory will be to Cogs like Twilight was to Chrysalis...

I just can't wait to see that robo-cunt fail. Ever since her Harbringers arrived (well, ever since I read the part when they appeared, I only started reading this awesome story about 8 months ago... when I was still 21 ;p) I knew that they were bullshit and they would fail. They do not have the right to do all those things and justify it with "we're saving Equestria / trying to ressurect it", just as much as Red Eye. And yes, I know that really the only bad thing they did was trying to kill Blackjack, but that's enough! How do they plan to rebuild the country founded by friendship and harmony by murdering somepony?!

Back to the chapter... Amadi was behind the Littlehorn Massacre? Yeah, I kinda saw it coming... really. I made an inquire a few pages back about what had really happened there, as the dream BJ had showed that they school had stopped firing and zebra were still alive... so I had my suspicion, even if I forgot to voice it. Surprised a bit that Goldenblood had never mentioned about him. I mean, he saw him regenerate, right? He should have guessed that he would be back.

Whoa, killing a bat pony who was just doing her job and not minding her own bussines while letting go his old butler-like guy?! Though I must admit, I like that that the ideas for Gardens of Equestria and Project Horizons, the means to revive Equestria and kill it respectively, were both born on the same night.

He beat up Pinkie because he was frustrated?! Well, while I still stand by my previous statement of him not being evil, I can now honestly say that he deserves a death penalty... right after he helps BJ clean up the mess he caused.

Whow, Angel pedał... (don't bother undestanding that one, only a brony from my hometown would get it ;p) though, considering what Goldenblood had done, I really don't mind. I mean, yeah, I was a bit sad that this was how he and Fluttershy parted, but after I considered everything we saw in the chapter (especially how he nearly killed Pinkie Pie) I found myself not caring. I do wonder, though, why did the bat ponies leave her there. I mean, Everfree Forest, while not targeted by the balefire bombs, wasn't exactly known for being safe.

Wow, Goldenblood is still alive (well, in case if the guesses about him being a ghoul are correct, then sorta alive, I guess) and wants to kill himself. Even after 200 years, he wants things to go according to only how he percives them...

Okay, this is getting suspicious. I mean, Goldenblood didn't know that blanks cannot get pregnant? Or carry the baby through pregnancy, whatever. I mean, I would have assumed he would have looked this up when he made this idiotic plan of his to destroy Equestria.

And now it turns out he strapped a soul star into the rocket. Wow, for somebody so portrayed throughout this story to be so smart he donegoffed. I might not know what this whole "soul star in the rocket" means, but you can just tell that it would be something extremely bad.

Seriously, I don't understand what that means. My theories range from "the blast kills everything and destroys their souls to boot" to "the rocket lands without explosion, but when ponies gather around it, it opens, and from within a cylindrical flying shapes emerge, yelling 'EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE'"... man that would be a twist...

Overall, it was awesome, can't wait for another, so business as usual folks!

Borsuq wrote:Hey, I thought of something recently; what if Glory is pregnant as well?

She isn't. Glory didn't keep Rainbow Dash's wing after the transformation so why would she keep her baby?

The argument Glory felt sad about the starmetal fetus is kinda weak. Showing sympathy for someone who had gone through something terrible doesn't mean you shared a similar experience.

O. Hinds wrote:

“But I meant what I said.  I can’t stay here in the shadows.  Every second, who knows what Cognitum is doing?  Can’t you do something?”

I'm sorry, but here, as more than a matter of style, I neither see the problem you mean to point out nor have any idea how to apply your proposed correction in a way that makes sense.
Why is the ill wisdom of staying here not related to Cognitum's actions?  I mean, it's Amadi's actions as well, but that does't seem to be what you're saying.

...okay, that's weird. I misread BJ's statement as "YOU can't stay here in the shadows". Which, of course, isn't related to Cogs' activities... but also isn't what BJ said. Whoops.

O. Hinds wrote:

SilentCarto wrote:The halves of this sentence don't fit. It should be "less and less dependent every year/month/time period" or "less dependent than they were at the start of the war".

I believe that the time period is implied.

The words just don't work that way. A value can't be "less and less than" something. "Less than" means you're comparing two specific values -- such as current dependency and dependency before the war. Two data points. "Less and less" means you're comparing many values across time, in which case it's nonsensical to specify a time to compare against because you just stated that each measurement will be smaller than the previous ones.

O. Hinds wrote:

SilentCarto wrote:Also, you misspelled Cadence, but the show keeps doing that, too.

I checked when we were working on the chapter, IIRC; PH has standardized on "Cadance".

That was a joke about my dislike for the official spelling. Sorry to confuse. (I mean, you're literally translating "Mi Amore Cadenza" from Italian. How does that manage to change an E into an A?)

O. Hinds wrote:

SilentCarto wrote:I thought the scream was inaudible in memories.

I don't recall that.  In any case, even if it hasn't been, Blackjack hasn't been in quite this sort of memory before.

Yeah, neither recording devices nor remembered sensations can pick up the Enervation scream because it's perceived by the soul, not the ears. For example, in Chapter 24, from Marigold's audio recording of the Last Day:

Suddenly all three of them began to cry out as if in pain, but all I could hear was a terrible silence. Then there was a distant crack and a great wind that gusted through the leaves of the trees around the farm. Distant cries and wails sounded through the night, growing and falling and building as the survivors ran through that horrible time.

Old Hoss murmured softly, “Princesses… Hoofington… what… happened…? What was that… screaming…?”

And later, in a memory orb in Chapter 40:

Goldenblood winced. “I hate that noise.” Funny, I wasn’t hearing anything at all.

I'll allow that this is a special case, though, since it's a computer recreation of Goldie's version of events rather than a simple recording of the memory of physical sensations.

SilentCarto wrote:

O. Hinds wrote:

SilentCarto wrote:Also, you misspelled Cadence, but the show keeps doing that, too.

I checked when we were working on the chapter, IIRC; PH has standardized on "Cadance".

That was a joke about my dislike for the official spelling. Sorry to confuse. (I mean, you're literally translating "Mi Amore Cadenza" from Italian. How does that manage to change an E into an A?)

Because Hasbro is very conservative when it comes to what they think can be trademarked, leading to silly stuff like "Cadance" instead of Cadence (which can be an actual name) or "Shockblast" instead of Shockwave (an actual phenomenon).

Technowolf wrote:

SilentCarto wrote:

O. Hinds wrote:

SilentCarto wrote:Also, you misspelled Cadence, but the show keeps doing that, too.

I checked when we were working on the chapter, IIRC; PH has standardized on "Cadance".

That was a joke about my dislike for the official spelling. Sorry to confuse. (I mean, you're literally translating "Mi Amore Cadenza" from Italian. How does that manage to change an E into an A?)

Because Hasbro is very conservative when it comes to what they think can be trademarked, leading to silly stuff like "Cadance" instead of Cadence (which can be an actual name) or "Shockblast" instead of Shockwave (an actual phenomenon).

Let's not forget Big McIntosh.

Traditional-art BJ:

Source.

This one's simple, but also fabulous.

Daaaamn, I'd love to see more FoE charactes rendered in that style

that's gorgeous~

LittlePip:

Sometimes I have to wonder...

Is it LittlePip or Littlepip?
PipBuck or Pipbuck?
SteelHooves or Steelhooves?

SilentCarto wrote:...okay, that's weird. I misread BJ's statement as "YOU can't stay here in the shadows". Which, of course, isn't related to Cogs' activities... but also isn't what BJ said. Whoops.

Ah, okay. :)

SilentCarto wrote:The words just don't work that way. A value can't be "less and less than" something. "Less than" means you're comparing two specific values -- such as current dependency and dependency before the war. Two data points. "Less and less" means you're comparing many values across time, in which case it's nonsensical to specify a time to compare against because you just stated that each measurement will be smaller than the previous ones.

Hm. I interpret it a bit differently. Just "less dependent than they were at the start of the war" would say that, well, they're less dependent than they were at the start of the war. "less and less dependent every [time period]" would mean that their dependency is decreasing but would not say anything about what level it was currently at. "less and less dependent on gems than they were at the start of the war" says both.

SilentCarto wrote:That was a joke about my dislike for the official spelling. Sorry to confuse. (I mean, you're literally translating "Mi Amore Cadenza" from Italian. How does that manage to change an E into an A?)

[shrugs]

Technowolf wrote:Because Hasbro is very conservative when it comes to what they think can be trademarked, leading to silly stuff like "Cadance" instead of Cadence (which can be an actual name) or "Shockblast" instead of Shockwave (an actual phenomenon).

Ah, thanks.

Vinylshadow wrote:Is it LittlePip or Littlepip?
PipBuck or Pipbuck?
SteelHooves or Steelhooves?

In PH, at least, they're LittlePip, PipBuck, and Steelhooves.

I also have to wonder if LittlePip's opening of the sky is going to be some kind of signal for Project Horizons to launch

Because coincidental timing, or because there's some kind of trigger in the SPP that triggers Horizons

Oops...

(Granted, all that depends on when events in PH take place in relation to events in FoE, so...)

...That does not make sense to me. Please elaborate?

No clouds to obscure the targeting system is my poorly thought-out reasoning   


Kinda reminded of Puppysmiles' (FoE: Pink Eyes) weapon that apparently launched ballistic rods at whatever she pointed it at (as buggy as it was)

Makes me wonder if that wasn't a beta they used for testing the usability of such a weapon (ie, launching weapons from the moon)

And even if Horizons did launch, it would take time for the impact to occur; The moon is 238,900 miles (384,400 km) from the earth, so there'd be time to do...something...to counter it

In chapter 63, which is where we get the time skip, it's said that Hoofington had non-stop rain for three months. Something stopped LittlePip from clearing the weather around Hoofington, which might be Hoofinton's damaged SPP tower or the evil from beyond being annoying.

Rather fortunate for BJ that the rain stopped so she could walk around outside in the shadow world. *Cough*

Pony in a bottle, it's a thing I do:

AND THEN BLACKJACK WOKE UP IN STABLE 99 AND REALIZED IT HAD ALL BEEN A DREAM


Don't do that to us, we'll probably end up killing something

Vinylshadow wrote:Don't do that to us, we'll probably end up killing something

Well aren't you a ray of sunshine.

O. Hinds wrote:

SilentCarto wrote:...okay, that's weird. I misread BJ's statement as "YOU can't stay here in the shadows". Which, of course, isn't related to Cogs' activities... but also isn't what BJ said. Whoops.

Ah, okay.  :)

SilentCarto wrote:The words just don't work that way. A value can't be "less and less than" something. "Less than" means you're comparing two specific values -- such as current dependency and dependency before the war. Two data points. "Less and less" means you're comparing many values across time, in which case it's nonsensical to specify a time to compare against because you just stated that each measurement will be smaller than the previous ones.

Hm.  I interpret it a bit differently.  Just "less dependent than they were at the start of the war" would say that, well, they're less dependent than they were at the start of the war.  "less and less dependent every [time period]" would mean that their dependency is decreasing but would not say anything about what level it was currently at.  "less and less dependent on gems than they were at the start of the war" says both.

But there are other ways to word it that use the idiom in the standard way and give both the level and the rate of change. For example, "They’re less and less dependent on gems than they were at the start of the war" becomes "They've become less and less dependent on gems since the start of the war."

Also, from chapter 24, I'd suggest taking "But the bigger the ministries got, the less and less Twilight saw of her friends" and making it parallel, either "bigger and bigger . . . the less and less" or just "the bigger . . . the less."

O. Hinds wrote:

SilentCarto wrote:That was a joke about my dislike for the official spelling. Sorry to confuse. (I mean, you're literally translating "Mi Amore Cadenza" from Italian. How does that manage to change an E into an A?)

[shrugs]

I, too, was disappointed by the change in spelling, but it's always been that way, I think, in this story except for the first time it was used in a footnote, long before she ever appeared in the story. It's one of the few places where I wish our community were more petulant and intransigent. On the plus side, it gave us "A Princess by Any Other Name," which was a pretty good story in its own right while also making a bit of a jab at the spelling itself.

O. Hinds wrote:

Vinylshadow wrote:Is it LittlePip or Littlepip?
PipBuck or Pipbuck?
SteelHooves or Steelhooves?

In PH, at least, they're LittlePip, PipBuck, and Steelhooves.

FoE started out using "LittlePip" but very quickly dropped that for "Littlepip," always used "PipBuck," and almost exclusively used "SteelHooves," with just two cases of "Steelhooves" in the middle. For personal preferences, I have to give it to FoE on the protagonist, after the first few chapters, anyway, and PH on the support.

Icy Shake wrote:But there are other ways to word it that use the idiom in the standard way and give both the level and the rate of change. For example, "They’re less and less dependent on gems than they were at the start of the war" becomes "They've become less and less dependent on gems since the start of the war."

…I'm sorry, I'm just not seeing a problem here, and your suggested change seems clunkier. I mean, I'll change it if Somber asks me to, of course, but the current version seems fine. Sorry.

Icy Shake wrote:Also, from chapter 24, I'd suggest taking "But the bigger the ministries got, the less and less Twilight saw of her friends" and making it parallel, either "bigger and bigger . . . the less and less" or just "the bigger . . . the less."

Hm, I've made the change here, though; thanks.

Icy Shake wrote:FoE started out using "LittlePip" but very quickly dropped that for "Littlepip," always used "PipBuck," and almost exclusively used "SteelHooves," with just two cases of "Steelhooves" in the middle. For personal preferences, I have to give it to FoE on the protagonist, after the first few chapters, anyway, and PH on the support.

…Huh.

I'll probably end up using "LittlePip" as canon if I ever decide to re-write my horrific attempts at FoE short stories

Meanwhile I have yet to attempt a PH short; wouldn't know where to begin

Still can't wrap my head around the fact this story is over 3000 pages long

How many words? A million and a half? Two?

Vinylshadow wrote:Still can't wrap my head around the fact this story is over 3000 pages long

How many words? A million and a half? Two?

To put that size into context, the Inheritance cycle (Christopher Paolini's Eragon, Eldest, etc.) are around 1500 pages each. Each book is also about 6 inches tall and 3 inches thick. PH is the size of almost 3 of them.

Silver136 wrote:

Vinylshadow wrote:Still can't wrap my head around the fact this story is over 3000 pages long

How many words? A million and a half? Two?

To put that size into context, the Inheritance cycle (Christopher Paolini's Eragon, Eldest, etc.) are around 1500 pages each. Each book is also about 6 inches tall and 3 inches thick. PH is the size of almost 3 of them.

Already red Inheritance 3 times and PH 2 times.
Godammit i need new books.

I recommend the Savage Skies by Moguera

Foal of the Forest
Promise of a New Day
Storm on the Horizon
Shadow of the Sun
Season's Turning
Rescue on Diamond Mountain

Been rereading that as well as various Xenophilia fics, although nothing really beats the original and Side Stories, while I wait for the next chapters

That, and I watched 39 episodes of Game of Thrones over the past week

Add in my writing and I've got plenty to distract me oer till the next exciting installment of Queen Whiskey's Drunken Escapades in Equestria

Thank you for the recommendations

LittlePip:

*sighs* Why is it so hard to come across front vectors?

I really wanna do Blackjack~♥

VinylShadow wrote:Still can't wrap my head around the fact this story is over 3000 pages long

How many words? A million and a half? Two?

Nallar says 1431011, but it counts stuff like the deleted scene, the end notes, and the hub page. That's still at least 1420000 words, though, and I doubt that the extra stuff takes up 11011.
Nallar doesn't give a page count, though, so thanks for providing me with that information.

swicked wrote:Have I said lately how much I enjoy this story?
I love reading it and I love working on it.
Bronode, Hinds, Somber and Heartshine are good people 

Aww, thanks. :)

@Recommendations

Spoiler:

I was thinking about this, it does seem right, but given the quote for the chapter and bringing up Cadence I thought it was kinda relevent.

So, correct me if I'm wrong, but I think at one point in the story both Luna and Celestia were described as stars fending off some other threat.

Now we know where both Luna and Celestia's souls are but what about Cadence? I don't believe she was ever described by anyone who saw her. So she may very well be the unicorn Faust originally intended her to be. Still what if she wasn't? What if her soul is the spirit GB was referring to?

I don't really support this theory myself. Just figured I might as well bring up the remote possibility while there's no discussion to derail with it.

Also if her appearance was described it slipped my mind.

I prefer to believe that Cadance is at most a winged unicorn in PH. While I've not defined her pony type in my headcanon, she's probably just a unicorn in it.