Sister forum[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Somber Mon Jun 09, 2014 12:31 am
I'm glad you liked it, Icy. Your analysis is awesome. These four memories are ones I've had floating in my head for a long time and I'm glad they worked. I'd planned on working them in sooner, but they never got folded in so it was now or never. The littlehorn orb is only because Amadi is in the story. It fit too well with the terrorist attack. Hinds actually had another version I like, but if we'd gone with that then there wouldn't be any point to the memory. The Pinkie orb could have been tighter. One thing that he's doing that's a hint is the tuning fork. Remember how mad Amadi was at Pinkie and Discord meddling? Yeah.
So there's lots of things going on here. But over all it seemed like it was okay?
Also, Tenebra is jealous of Psychoshy getting the attention. She wants that kind of focus on her. It isn't so much that she's hot for brother as she's feeling cut out.
So there's lots of things going on here. But over all it seemed like it was okay?
Also, Tenebra is jealous of Psychoshy getting the attention. She wants that kind of focus on her. It isn't so much that she's hot for brother as she's feeling cut out.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by ARoundCorner Mon Jun 09, 2014 2:25 am
not sure if I caught everything... but i promised i would only stay up until 2 A.M. reading and then it was 4 A.M. when I finished and omg so much happened.
My post binge residue:
Don't quite understand the snake demon thing, kinda reminded me of the giant mutated meat scorpions in that it felt like action for actions sake. Car to progress story?
Golden blood so self obsessed. How did he masturmind so much while always being so derpy guilt. Anti-climax to the max with hax after portraying him like the mastermind god behind the scenes. You pop all my Goldengod fanta-seas I have, especially after last chapter where he talk all disrespect to Coitenum. and then Blackjack talking about him with the disrespect. He's like, PUNISH ME, and she's like shut up and liste-, and he's like PUNISH ME, and she's like shut UP you self absorbed prick!, then he chill mellow for a bit and drop the horizons bomb.
Tenebra x Blackjack clop plz.
Pinkie orb sending the orgasmo shivers down the spinal. Pinky seems so negative depression here, but in recent chapter of murky numero seven, pinky seems like little pixie god that's like never give up the hope! then here she's like nom nom nom mintals taste great I am crazy. Poor pinkie. May she rest in pepperoni.
Like you Sombrero (not lovve because I don't know you and you don't know me or where I come from)
Salute to the Girls of Stable-tec for making all this possible.
My post binge residue:
Don't quite understand the snake demon thing, kinda reminded me of the giant mutated meat scorpions in that it felt like action for actions sake. Car to progress story?
Golden blood so self obsessed. How did he masturmind so much while always being so derpy guilt. Anti-climax to the max with hax after portraying him like the mastermind god behind the scenes. You pop all my Goldengod fanta-seas I have, especially after last chapter where he talk all disrespect to Coitenum. and then Blackjack talking about him with the disrespect. He's like, PUNISH ME, and she's like shut up and liste-, and he's like PUNISH ME, and she's like shut UP you self absorbed prick!, then he chill mellow for a bit and drop the horizons bomb.
Tenebra x Blackjack clop plz.
Pinkie orb sending the orgasmo shivers down the spinal. Pinky seems so negative depression here, but in recent chapter of murky numero seven, pinky seems like little pixie god that's like never give up the hope! then here she's like nom nom nom mintals taste great I am crazy. Poor pinkie. May she rest in pepperoni.
Like you Sombrero (not lovve because I don't know you and you don't know me or where I come from)
Salute to the Girls of Stable-tec for making all this possible.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by WavemasterRyx Mon Jun 09, 2014 6:17 am
Ah, yes it's perfectly fine to call me whatever you'd like, sir, as long as I can tell you're referring to me, heh...O. Hinds wrote:Sorry, Ryx (and I seem to recall now that you did indeed give me permission to call you that; if I am wrong, I apologize). Good luck.
Well it's taking me a little longer than I expected to read, so I'm going to have to finish it tomorrow... but so far I think it's a very solid chapter.
- Initial Thoughts 1/2:
- Stopped as Blackjack is entering the third memory orb... and it looks like I was pretty right about Goldenblood being a cryptic jerk, but I'll have to wait and see if he decides to actually be helpful or not. The first two memories were really well done though.
Tenebra was surprisingly cute... and I kinda want to draw her... I get the bad feeling she won't make it to the end of the story though...
Last edited by WavemasterRyx on Tue Jun 10, 2014 6:30 am; edited 1 time in total
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Silver136 Mon Jun 09, 2014 9:40 am
That footnote was amazing...
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Vinylshadow Mon Jun 09, 2014 11:22 am
Well...67 was...interesting, to say the least
It's a well-known fact that editors always drive the author they're working for insane
It's a well-known fact that editors always drive the author they're working for insane
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Somber Mon Jun 09, 2014 11:45 am
No, but they are precious. I probably couldn't have finished this without Hinds, and without Bro and Swicked many of my phrases and ideas would fall flat.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Vinylshadow Mon Jun 09, 2014 1:01 pm
And to think, only....what, five, six more chapters?
Have fun wrapping everything up neatly
....cue "Fallout Equestria: Event Horizon" as a 'sequel' to Project Horizons because it cannot be contained in five volumes
Have fun wrapping everything up neatly
....cue "Fallout Equestria: Event Horizon" as a 'sequel' to Project Horizons because it cannot be contained in five volumes
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Silver136 Mon Jun 09, 2014 1:38 pm
- Chapter 67:
I'll be honest, I expected to get some cryptic nonsense from Goldenblood. However, I didn't expect him to have gone pre-therapy Blackjack. I figured he'd be working wherever he happened to be trying to orchestrate bits of the wasteland. I was really surprised to find him as guilt ridden and pathetic as he was.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Mon Jun 09, 2014 1:39 pm
Thanks. :)Ryx wrote:Ah, yes it's perfectly fine to call me whatever you'd like, sir, as long as I can tell you're referring to me, heh...
I try to avoid calling people by anything other than their displayed screen names, even if I've seen other people using nicknames, unless I have permission; I wouldn't want to refer to someone by a wrong name.
…My natural instinct is to deflect such praise, but I suspect that we (the team) then might then be at the game of "Nono, I'm the one who deserves the least credit" for a while (we seem to do that relatively often). So thanks. :)Somber wrote:No, but they are precious. I probably couldn't have finished this without Hinds, and without Bro and Swicked many of my phrases and ideas would fall flat.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Vinylshadow Mon Jun 09, 2014 1:56 pm
I'll take whatever praise you don't want
Because my ego is flatter than a piece of paper
Because my ego is flatter than a piece of paper
- Chapter 67:
- As for GB being a guilt-ridden wreck, well, he's had over 200 years to go over his past actions, plus he's been keeping tabs on Blackjack (I wonder if he's also kept tabs on other Wasteland Ponies, like Murky, Puppysmiles and LittlePip)
For all we know, he's manipulated them to some degree to get the results he wanted towards some other kind of grand scheme
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Technowolf Mon Jun 09, 2014 3:54 pm
- Spoiler:
- Does anyone else think it strange that GB only has three crimes against him, one a misdemeanor? I'd think that bribery, larceny (he did misappropriate probably millions of bits worth of materials for his various projects) and cavorting with the Ruinous Powers would have gotten at least a mention.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Thoroar Mon Jun 09, 2014 4:12 pm
Technowolf wrote:
- Spoiler:
- Spoiler:
It's not that he only has three crimes against him. It's just that these are the ones mentioned. Conspiring and murder being the most serious ones so they go first, with jaywalking at the end of the list as it's merely a misdemeanor.One monitor changed to a list of crimes, starting with Conspiring against the Throne: 2 counts and First Degree Murder: 1 count and ending with Jaywalking: 12 counts.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Vinylshadow Mon Jun 09, 2014 4:24 pm
12 counts
Watch out, ponies, we got a BAMF over here!
Watch out, ponies, we got a BAMF over here!
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by pokeperson1000 Mon Jun 09, 2014 8:12 pm
I'm probably wrong on this, since I usually am about most things... but...
Was the Pinkie scene in chapter 67 in any way related to the memory orb of an overdosed Pinkie Pie meeting with Rainbow Dash?
Was the Pinkie scene in chapter 67 in any way related to the memory orb of an overdosed Pinkie Pie meeting with Rainbow Dash?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Somber Mon Jun 09, 2014 8:30 pm
yes
She essentially saw three possibilities: Luna wins and effectively becomes a tyrant, Caesar wins and wipes out equestria, or bombs fall and everyone loses.
She essentially saw three possibilities: Luna wins and effectively becomes a tyrant, Caesar wins and wipes out equestria, or bombs fall and everyone loses.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Somber Mon Jun 09, 2014 9:00 pm
Worked wonders for the Wehrmacht Germany.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Luminous Lead Mon Jun 09, 2014 9:01 pm
Wait.
The Maurauders were blessed/"cursed" by a Zebreccian "fortune teller". Starkattari can do "curses" which aren't actually curses. Amadi is starkattari.
Holy shit.
The Maurauders were blessed/"cursed" by a Zebreccian "fortune teller". Starkattari can do "curses" which aren't actually curses. Amadi is starkattari.
Holy shit.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Mon Jun 09, 2014 9:17 pm
I of course have drastically different views of the situation, driven mostly by my headcanon for the zebras being so different (I've realized that the difference is even kind of embodied in the names, "Zebra Empire" vs. "Pax Roamana".). Wiping Equestria out seems a bit extreme even for my understanding of the Zebra Empire, but I am aware that my understanding is incomplete.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Mon Jun 09, 2014 10:07 pm
Hm, possibly.swicked wrote:IIRC, while the zebra were no stranger to fighting (monsters), both sides were new to war.
Somber wrote:“Please, listen to me!” Apparently this broke so many rules of protocol that everyone did. “The zebras have a word for this. It’s not a fight. It’s not a battle. It’s war. They use it when their entire country faces terrible threats. Flights of dragons. Swarms of manticores. They’ve done wars before, where every zebra is drawn into the fight. And they are terrible things. Please, don’t resort to war to try and solve this problem when there are other means.”
With a Pax Roamana victory, at least, I'd expect something more like the Wirtschaftswunder. There's sort of precedent, too, in the treatment of the Northerners after their old capital (the one above the EoS) was destroyed and the Equestrian Peninsula abandoned; the Caesar spoke on behalf of the survivors, even after what their nation had done, and, as a result, the Northerners were known for being particularly loyal to Roam. Of course, there would be the problem that the PR would have its own reconstruction to do after the war, but there'd be a variety of ways of handling that.swicked wrote:I would not expect genocide, but neither would I expect any unconditional surrender to be all that humaine. They didn't want each other's lands and no longer needed each other's resources. After so much death I doubt either would be anything but sick of it. Thus, the losing side would likely mostly just be made to pay for the damages to the winning side, I would figure, as that sounds the most logical when you decide to ignore the fact that the losing side tends to end up much more worse off than the winning side and therefore could not realistically support both theirs and another's attempted restoration to former glory.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Icy Shake Mon Jun 09, 2014 10:58 pm
Somber wrote:I'm glad you liked it, Icy. Your analysis is awesome. These four memories are ones I've had floating in my head for a long time and I'm glad they worked. I'd planned on working them in sooner, but they never got folded in so it was now or never. The littlehorn orb is only because Amadi is in the story. It fit too well with the terrorist attack. Hinds actually had another version I like, but if we'd gone with that then there wouldn't be any point to the memory. The Pinkie orb could have been tighter. One thing that he's doing that's a hint is the tuning fork. Remember how mad Amadi was at Pinkie and Discord meddling? Yeah.
So there's lots of things going on here. But over all it seemed like it was okay?
Also, Tenebra is jealous of Psychoshy getting the attention. She wants that kind of focus on her. It isn't so much that she's hot for brother as she's feeling cut out.
- Spoiler:
- I'm happy you feel that way, especially if it means you got through the third paragraph of my overall chapter thoughts thinking something other than "this disjointed mess can only be the product of a seriously disordered mind."
I noticed the tuning fork, and in particular how it showed just how far Goldenblood had fallen. In a way, it's interesting to wonder about how much it changed him from early on when he hated its sound, relative to how much his own changes, failings, and way of reshaping Equestria to sing a single song and serve one mistress made him more susceptible to its call. Also, now you have me wondering if the Eater is aware of what happens around starmetal objects (and the mechanics, like if it depends on distance and the size of the object), or if it just reflects the Legate's general knowledge.
And yes, I didn't realize how much I was focusing on the negative, but on the whole, it was a very enjoyable chapter, and in particular gave some important answers in a satisfying way and fleshed out a side of Goldenblood that had been building not-quite-under the surface for a while, but still generally overshadowed by his coolheaded, capable, controlling side, all in a glorious rain of impotence and self-doubt, left alone in the end with nothing but regret, self-recrimination, and lost loves to fill the unending life he never wanted. In some ways, Goldenblood in this chapter especially reminds me of C. F. Kane.
As for Tenebra, it's certainly not the first place my mind went, but I can see how that works as well.
Just remember it's not intentional. I know I have a problem, but I don't know how to stop! 
It starts out simple, just something that shows up sometimes, maybe there's some Twixie in something you're reading in 2011, then you read some Device Heretic, and before you know it, you're seeing a budding love between a zebra and an ensouled piece of stealth equipment and unrequited incestuous longing from the side characters! 
WHERE DOES IT END?! 
Won't someone please think of the children?
Ahem.
So, thinking a little bit more about Lionheart, I may have been somewhat unfair in what I was saying about him. Not that as a general rule I wouldn't want more specific ties to what we already know of characters brought in, I still believe that. It's more that I'm not sure just how much that can apply in his case, as come to think of it, I don't really remember him having much of a character, coming in so late. As far as I remember, his motivation was revenge or a generalized heroism that only came out after his home was destroyed, perhaps because he didn't know what was going on before or because he felt strong enough ties that he didn't care. (Confirmed: “The Enclave brought the war down to us,” Lionheart announced, sending Silver Bell as deep as she could get beneath Ditzy Doo’s wing. “We are bringing it back up to them.”) He mostly just looked and sounded distinctive and fought the Enclave with Mouse. Didn't even get a response in the "what I do best" game. So I may have been unfair there, and if so, I'm sorry. All the same, if you can make it work and provide a powerful tie to Lionheart in the "present," more power to you. I'll be the more impressed.
Regarding what you said over at EqD, I wouldn't be surprised if you finish before Murky Number Seven. Don't discount the power of publishing consistently and frequently. Granted, given that there is the countervailing force that you tend to take roughly three times the number of chapters to get through an arc as you originally estimate (it's okay, I don't mind
—but I certainly understand that you're ready to be done with this project), maybe not. On that note, conspiracy theory time: Equestria Daily never posted the chapter 66 update so that the chapter number would line up with the update number again, counteracting the two-part chapter 62!
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by WavemasterRyx Tue Jun 10, 2014 6:29 am
*hugs Somber very gently* Thank you for all the hard work you put into this story, sir. I really do hope you'll be able to find some kind of work to help keep you going... and if it does happen, I hope you're able to go to Bronycon and enjoy yourself as much as you can.
And thank you Hinds, Bronode, swicked and Heartshine for everything you do to help (even the things in the footnotes, oh dear...)
I think it definitely ended up being a good chapter.
As always, I shall try to get my full commentary done as soon as I can... Please try to take care, Somber, sir.
And thank you Hinds, Bronode, swicked and Heartshine for everything you do to help (even the things in the footnotes, oh dear...)
I think it definitely ended up being a good chapter.
- Initial thoughts 2/2:
- Well... after the third memory orb I very badly want to punch Goldenblood in the face (again)... At least Blackjack got to smack a little sense into him.
And of course he wasn't going to help without her doing so.
As always, I shall try to get my full commentary done as soon as I can... Please try to take care, Somber, sir.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Admiral Stoic Rum Tue Jun 10, 2014 2:22 pm
http://www.deviantart.com/art/Title-459889611
Fucking epic rampage
Fucking epic rampage
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Vinylshadow Tue Jun 10, 2014 2:32 pm
![[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 13 Mlfw3155_medium](https://2img.net/h/mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw3155_medium.png)
Interesting Rampage though
Very....spiky
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Dutcher Tue Jun 10, 2014 4:24 pm
Can anyone please explain what does the Star Soul bound to Tom means?
Thanks
Thanks
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Vinylshadow Tue Jun 10, 2014 4:31 pm
It actually took me a while to connect "Tom" to Rarity's "rock-she-thought-was-a-diamond-because-of-Discord"
Would also be hilarious if "Bloomberg" was mentioned
![[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 13 Tom_and_bloomberg_by_markthecat-d4av5n2](https://2img.net/h/fc00.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2011/268/a/5/tom_and_bloomberg_by_markthecat-d4av5n2.png)
Would also be hilarious if "Bloomberg" was mentioned
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Guest Tue Jun 10, 2014 7:03 pm
Dutcher wrote:Can anyone please explain what does the Star Soul bound to Tom means?
Thanks
The only thing I can come up with is GB managed somehow to pull a soul from a star just like he said. Pretty sure PH's afterlife is generally when you die you become a star or your soul does (Which technically doesn't that make what Celestia does necromancy? Luna too I suppose.) assuming you don't die too close to a silver ring. If BJ's experience was accurate. So, yeah it probably means just what GB said.
He was aware of the Blackbook? I think. Someone else will have to confirm that if they can.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by RoboRed Tue Jun 10, 2014 7:39 pm
I think I overlooked this bit. Where is it again?Last wrote:
- 24 hour courtesy spoiler:
Also because I believe we had a discussion on it previously. STDs confirmed.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Guest Tue Jun 10, 2014 8:18 pm
It's one of the execution options the computer suggests. Bj could have chosen to kill GB slowly with a venereal disease.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by RoboRed Tue Jun 10, 2014 9:02 pm
...Welp, there it is.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by SilentCarto Wed Jun 11, 2014 12:07 am
Oh boy, next chapter! Will BJ get out of the shadow world, or will Cogjack get to run free unimpeded for another chapter? Probably the latter, but that's drama, folks!
- Chapter 67 Commentary:
I always thought Nicole Oliver read this wrong. The emphasis should have been on "I", not "you". Though, really, it should have been something like, "I can protect my subjects personally!"“No. You won't. You may have made it impossible for Shining Armor to perform his spell, but now that you have so foolishly revealed your true self, I can protect my subjects from you!”
And the castle keeps all that out, I take it. I wonder if it gets better or worse the farther you get from Hoofington and... what lives under Hoofington.“Blackjack, there are pockets here where time flows so fast that a pony will live out their lifespan in ten seconds… or so slow that you'd be frozen permanently like a fly in amber,” the gray batpony said as she landed. “Cracks in space that can split you in half. Distortions that can turn you inside out.”
Ooh! This gives me an idea. Training montage! Grab a month's worth of supplies, then find one of those fast-time bubbles -- you'll know because Tenebra will appear to freeze. Spend a couple weeks there training up your magic and physical skills, then come back ready to kick some flank!
Or, if you're feeling really nutso, find one of those reverse-time bubbles where the shadow-ponies move backwards. Hang out for a day or so, then go heist the key outta here from Hades before he ever met you and go save everyone from Cogs' lasers!
And now BJ knows the word "modicum". Are you SURE she doesn't still have the Twilight figurine, like, tangled in her mane or something?So long as somepony had a modicum of virtue or a little bit of authority and a direction for me to go in, I went.
"Luna's explosive ovaries! Stop telling me things!"“Well, honestly, on a scale of one to ten, it was about a four. I mean, dying of radiation poisoning sucks butt – I mean, I should know; I’ve nearly gone that way twice – but being in a room of screaming, melted flesh and metal is a whole lot worse.”
GAH! How long have you BEEN there?!“But her mother would thank you,” a gentle voice said from above us.
Ahh. Interesting. So the answer to who was in the Redoubt really was "none of the above".When the bombs fell, we followed the Princess’s orders. The Citadel was sealed, and all members of the O.I.A. were kept out.
Guess that's the door guard.A huge purple gemstone carved in the shape of a heart that filled me with a sense of numb fear.
Mr. House really should have invested in some extra-hot beamy death turrets.A desk and a terminal sat in the middle of the room, facing me, with with a beam turret in each corner. A trio of memory orbs sat in a sealed glass case beside the terminal, each one radiating that golden yellowish light.
Bwahahahaha... thanks, I needed that. I'm getting to like Tenebra, here. She's good people.Time to get this party– A thunderous sneeze detonated behind me, and I jumped in shock, landing with my hooves splayed to either side of the terminal.
It's been a while since we got a nice, extended gambling metaphor.“Okay, Goldenblood, deal the deck and let’s play.”
Hee! An elegant duel for a more civilized age. It's kind of odd, getting such a MLP-esque throwback in the middle of PH. The Equestria of the show seems so far away.That sounded like my kind of zebra! Make lunch, not war.
(Not that Ranma 1/2 didn't manage to make a cooking contest into a no-holds-barred martial arts battle anyway...)
((Did I just date myself?))
Huh.“No! I think… I think it’s some kind of industrial strength lye generator. For manufacturing. But he’s modified it and wired it to those capacitors…”
Not sure how to feel about this. I'd have kind of liked Littlehoof to be simply a matter of stupidity and revenge. This seems to make everything the fault of one master villain serving unimaginable evil rather than, aheh, "not in our Stars, but in ourselves."With cold, terrifying certainty, I put a name to the face. Amadi.
So, now I'm wondering if this is the self-same device that destroyed Canterlot, after having been augmented with a megaspell matrix.Bitterbrew’s head disappeared in the spray, and when his spasming body fell back, a dripping stub was all that remained. The jet of vapor started to die, but then a white mote was pulled into a silver ring around the pink talisman, and it surged and vomited forth an even more intense stream.
Though, if Amadi did place the Canterlot Pink Cloud device, he must have at least been in contact with Zebra high command in some way to coordinate the sustained missile bombardment that forced the Princesses to hold their shield. That was a move calculated to kill Luna.
I wonder if he hid out in Stable 3.
I wonder if either of these would have even been an issue in her old body.Memory orbs that shut down your breathing? That was fucked up. Knowing my luck, the last one would stop my heart. How long could a pony go without their heart beating?
*snerk* BJ is on a roll today!What, something that Goldenblood didn’t know? Be still my… strike that.
Er. I mean Somber is, I guess.
I've noticed something curious. When Goldie speaks, I read it slower than anyone else. In my head, he speaks slowly, sort of like Morgan Freeman with a sore throat. And it feels wrong to read it faster than that cadence.“It doesn’t, if you’re lucky. It fades with time, bit by bit, but it never completely goes away.” He levitated a napkin to her and dabbed at her tears. “It’s like a scar that lingers and aches when the weather is cold and wet. It reminds us of those who have gone so that we keep on living. The most important thing is that we don’t miss them so badly we go and join them.”
Woah.“You serve the Eater of Souls,” Pinkie rasped, and he froze. “That’s what my Pinkie Sense is telling me.”
That's an awesome metaphor. Simile. Thing.“I can feel it. It’s dripping off you like razor blades. It screams all around you!”
Her face managed to type the sound of having a heart attack. Well done.I deleted the ‘>HRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG’ my face had entered on the terminal and sat back.
Oh, hell's bells. It all comes down to that, huh?>ACCESS GRANTED. WELCOME, EXECUTIONER.
Ouch! Sick burn!“You should be,” she said in solemn finality, walking out and leaving him to collapse into a heap in the bottom of the cage.
--What? Whaaat? Too soon?
Why did the Kerbal Space Program theme just start playing in my head?“Correct. Because it was placed on the richest deposits of moonstone, it never points directly at Hoofington. Thus, it has to wait for a perfect alignment of sun and moon to hit.” A dotted line rose out of the palace, then started to curve. It looped around the planet, then around the sun, then back around the planet, back to the moon, and finally down right on Hoofington.
Uh.“There’s a star spirit bound within the moonstone.”
Hmm.
WHERE IN THE DEEPEST REACHES OF TARTARUS DID HE GET A STAR SPIRIT?!
And, uh, what's the big deal? Is the implication that the Eater would eat the spirit no matter where Tom landed, and that would give it the power to rise?
*peers at the story*I hope that we can finish this year.... I really... really want to finish this year.
*peers at the calendar*
How could we not?!
You know, in a way, I'm obscurely grateful that FOE has been decanonized by the show. I mean, I know it was never canon, but it's somehow nicer to feel that it's a could-have-been that didn't come to pass rather than a might-could-be.
- Editing:
starts, likeSpectral ponies moved in unnatural jerks and starts like images on a broken projector.
desperately wanted to talkOn the one hoof, I wanted to desperately talk to him, and on the other, I wanted to put a magic bullet through his head.
rocks, coldThe shadow world had water of a sort; it trickled out of the rocks cold and clear and sterile.
These two statements don't quite mesh. The ill wisdom of staying here isn't related to Cogs' actions. This should probably segue with, "And neither can I."“But I meant what I said. I can’t stay here in the shadows. Every second, who knows what Cognitum is doing? Can’t you do something?”
No, he'dNo he’d taught something else.
tribe, though“These zebras were a different tribe though; you can tell by the feather decorations they wear.”
Exclamation point at the end, don't you think?Silverspire, who’d been running back, let out a shriek. “Who are you? Stay back.”
batpony mareOutside a doorway, a mare batpony guard stood at attention.
The halves of this sentence don't fit. It should be "less and less dependent every year/month/time period" or "less dependent than they were at the start of the war".They’re less and less dependent on gems than they were at the start of the war.
This isn't entirely clear. I thought he shot her until she was mentioned to be unconscious later. I assume he cast a knockout spell instead?“I’m sorry,” he replied, as he stood beside the batpony. Then his horn sparked, and she collapsed.
Hopefully, CadanceHopefully Cadance will prove wiser and keep out of the war.
Also, you misspelled Cadence, but the show keeps doing that, too.
I thought the scream was inaudible in memories.Goldenblood’s eyes lingered on the second to last, the tiny screaming note resonating in his ear when the door opened and Pinkie Pie trotted in.
Fix the tenses here. "arrested" or "keep".“You’re the reason why the ponies I arrest kept ending up back on the street,” she hissed.
He probably should have pushed the cloth away with his hoof, since you have to touch the mirror before it works. Like a sudden shock of cold, remember?Goldenblood rose off her, staring at the mirror in the corner. He trotted towards it and then levitated the cloth away. The single pane shimmered, framing a reflection perfectly. That reflection, though, didn’t appear to be him at all. It was an unscarred stallion covered in blood.
Capitalize Cake. Also, sometimes you use Pound Cake and sometimes Poundcake. It should be two words. Might want to doublecheck the dream in Chapter 44, too.Poundcake lunged at him, but Pumpkin cake stopped him.
Change one of the uses of 'contain'.The pink fluid seemed to dissolve her lips so she couldn’t keep it contained within, but her thick hide contained it for the moment.
Okay, it's kind of goofy for him to say this out loud to nobody. It would make more sense if he yelled it into the intercom as a warning. Or better yet, just move this down a few paragraphs, since he has to explain things to the guard anyway.“No... they’ll funnel it to every square mile of Canterlot! If it gets into the storm drains and sewers, every home and residence will be hit!”
it? You“Who is it... you sound like...”
offEven if the Redoubt wouldn’t have worked at the end of the war, we could use it to save a lot of people now, if Horizons goes of.
SilentCarto- Alicorn
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