Re: Fallout Equestria: All That Remains

by **CamoBadger** Wed Mar 20, 2013 7:21 pm

Alrightydity. Chapter 12 is live both here and on FiMFiction. I hope it's enjoyable, and thank you all again for reading!

by Kippershy Wed Mar 20, 2013 7:30 pm

Reading now

by Frost Wed Mar 20, 2013 8:07 pm

After-action report/incoherent ramblings:

Spoiler:

by Ketchup Wed Mar 20, 2013 8:07 pm

That was quite the chapter. Shorter than usual, but that's not a bad thing. I didn't bother with a thought log this time, as if it matters. Hopefully the feedback I gave on the scene was helpful.

Spoiler:

by **CamoBadger** Wed Mar 20, 2013 8:13 pm

Actually this is the longest chapter in the story so far Applebloom

I'm glad you guys enjoyed it, and thank you for the feedback Twilight Sparkle

by Ketchup Wed Mar 20, 2013 8:17 pm

CamoBadger wrote:Actually this is the longest chapter in the story so far.

But it seemed so short...

by Ketchup Wed Mar 20, 2013 8:25 pm

CamoBadger wrote:There's quite a few.
- Go on walks to clear your mind and dream yourself into your character.
- Try to be your character. Know every aspect of them, even if it doesn't actually fit the story. What would they do at a party? What kind of lover are they? What do they think about random current events? stuff like that.
- Find a place and time where you won't be distracted. Disconnect the internet if you have to (unless you use it for music), silence your phone, etc. For me, I do good near the end of the day usually. Once I have everything done that needs to be done and I don't have to worry about anything else, I can write easier. Sometimes this applies to mornings that I have free, but not very often.
- Daydream if you can. Those times where you don't have anything to do and can't think of something to do, just sit back and dream. Try to lead it toward your character's situation, and you'll be surprised how quickly motivation shows up. This one works best for me if I read through the last page or two of what I wrote, then sit back and dream of what the character would do next, what would happen because of what they did, what would try to stop them, what happens while they're doing what they do, etc.
Yeah, these are the ones I use.

I do a lot of those things for Quiver, usually while falling asleep and taking naps. And in French class. Spike

by **CamoBadger** Wed Mar 20, 2013 9:42 pm

Thanks for the review swicked!
@Description: That is something I'm trying to get better at. I realized that I didn't exactly give some characters the same attention as others, so I'm working on doing better with that.
And I'm not a really big fan of describing physical attributes straight out, I find that you can see a character better if you describe them through actions rather than just taking a paragraph to list eye color, hair color, etc.
Unfortunately I'm not very good with metaphor, but it's something I'd like to work toward because I really do like how it sounds, but I'm just no good at it right now. Maybe one day, but sadly not right now.

Thanks again for the LMR review! I almost died when I saw the first one because I love them so much Rainbow

The faces are awesome!

by Frost Wed Mar 20, 2013 9:48 pm

Drunken Gryphon Guy Speaks:

"What makes me a good demoman? Nothing. I fucking suck with explosives. The last time I fucked with them, I blew up four bottles of my whiskey! four.....*begins to cry*....four whole bottles"

*breaks down in bitter tears*

by O. Hinds Thu Mar 21, 2013 3:02 am

Well, I think that that was another good chapter. I'm not sure what the title is meant to mean, though.

Spoiler:

by Kippershy Thu Mar 21, 2013 9:56 am

Fukken loved the chapter. On my phone right now but I finished reading this morn.
have to say, you did damn well at making both of those scenes dramatic and tense.
yeah. I was sure that a certain filly was going to be fine, but then I got worried that she wouldn't make it then it was better and I know we'll see more of this character. I like him.

as for the other moment... Powerful and very well handled. Just one thing... What is that white tube you mention? My knowledge of anotamy isn't good enough.
and yes, I can't spell that word, sue me.

by Kippershy Thu Mar 21, 2013 10:04 am

The reason it felt short to you ketch is. Because the amount of fast paced high tension action makes everything blend together and go so quicky you don't feel the length drag.
likewise, a chapter of peace and quiet with little more than talking seems long because its all in one area and focus.

by **CamoBadger** Thu Mar 21, 2013 12:35 pm

O. Hinds wrote:Well, I think that that was another good chapter. I'm not sure what the title is meant to mean, though.
Spoiler:

Thank you for the review, and I'm glad you liked it Twilight Sparkle

Spoiler:

And thanks again to everyone for reading and the reviews. I'm glad it was enjoyable overall Twilight Sparkle

by **CamoBadger** Thu Mar 21, 2013 1:42 pm

Kippershy wrote:Fukken loved the chapter. On my phone right now but I finished reading this morn.
have to say, you did damn well at making both of those scenes dramatic and tense.
yeah. I was sure that a certain filly was going to be fine, but then I got worried that she wouldn't make it then it was better and I know we'll see more of this character. I like him.

as for the other moment... Powerful and very well handled. Just one thing... What is that white tube you mention? My knowledge of anotamy isn't good enough.
and yes, I can't spell that word, sue me.

It was her intestine.

by O. Hinds Thu Mar 21, 2013 6:03 pm

CamoBadger wrote:
O. Hinds wrote:Well, I think that that was another good chapter. I'm not sure what the title is meant to mean, though.
Spoiler:
Thank you for the review, and I'm glad you liked it
Spoiler:

And thanks again to everyone for reading and the reviews. I'm glad it was enjoyable overall

Spoiler:

by Ketchup Thu Mar 21, 2013 6:58 pm

O. Hinds wrote:(Though I've no idea what an alveoli is…) :)

Part of the lung, some sort of sac for air, integral in collecting oxygen, if I remember my eighth grade bio right.

by Frost Thu Mar 21, 2013 7:30 pm

Ketchup wrote:
O. Hinds wrote:(Though I've no idea what an alveoli is…) :)
Part of the lung, some sort of sac for air, integral in collecting oxygen, if I remember my eighth grade bio right.

It's the tiny-ass sack the bronchioles end in. There's capillaries surrounding them, and they're where Oxygen's all like "Now it's a party, Bitches!" And Carbon Dioxide's all "fuck you all, I'm out"

Them being filled with plasma would likely preclude their being filled with water. I was unaware that this was a thing, but it's interesting to learn.

by **CamoBadger** Thu Mar 21, 2013 7:52 pm

Mister Frost wrote:
Ketchup wrote:
O. Hinds wrote:(Though I've no idea what an alveoli is…) :)
Part of the lung, some sort of sac for air, integral in collecting oxygen, if I remember my eighth grade bio right.

It's the tiny-ass sack the bronchioles end in. There's capillaries surrounding them, and they're where Oxygen's all like "Now it's a party, Bitches!" And Carbon Dioxide's all "fuck you all, I'm out"

Them being filled with plasma would likely preclude their being filled with water. I was unaware that this was a thing, but it's interesting to learn.

You two are correct.

And it's more common among aquatic mammals, but others have it as well. It only activates when very cold water hits the face before any other part of the body, and is a defense mechanism to conserve oxygen and keep the body alive while under water. It's stronger the younger you are (not nearly on the level of a different reflex in newborns, but that's another story entirely)

by Kippershy Thu Mar 21, 2013 8:15 pm

Newborns can swim at the relative skill of an Olympic grade swimmer when they first come out, right?

Obviously they don't use that skill to do it for leisure, but from what I remember, they compare in terms of ability if not actual output capacity due to:

1. Not knowing what they're doing, rather, just doing it because they know to.
2. Not physically capable of the same strength and control as a grown adult whose trained.

But still relative.

by **CamoBadger** Thu Mar 21, 2013 8:18 pm

Kippershy wrote:Newborns can swim at the relative skill of an Olympic grade swimmer when they first come out, right?

Obviously they don't use that skill to do it for leisure, but from what I remember, they compare in terms of ability if not actual output capacity due to:

1. Not knowing what they're doing, rather, just doing it because they know to.
2. Not physically capable of the same strength and control as a grown adult whose trained.

But still relative.

I haven't heard of that one...interesting. What I do know is that they have a reflex that causes them to automatically hold their breath when they go underwater without panicking. Couldn't recall the name off the top of my head, but it creates funny moments when you see a 3 week old baby at the bottom of a pool and not givin' a shit XD

by **RoboRed** Thu Mar 21, 2013 8:59 pm

Crackpot theory: Minx is really Shayle's and Felix's mom.

by Frost Thu Mar 21, 2013 9:02 pm

RoboRed wrote:Crackpot theory: Minx is really Shayle's and Felix's mom.

This is now canon

by Ketchup Thu Mar 21, 2013 9:03 pm

RoboRed wrote:Crackpot theory: Minx is really Shayle's and Felix's mom.

Entertaining theory.

by Guest Thu Mar 21, 2013 9:03 pm

Yup Robo, I said that myself a couple of days ago. Not sure that Minx would let Shayle be used the way she is if that was her mother. But it could explain why "Female company" didn't go where I thought it was going to.

by **CamoBadger** Tue Mar 26, 2013 8:54 pm

Thanks swicked, I'm glad you like the story and I hope it continues to be enjoyable (and hopefully a little unpredictable too Twilight Sparkle

)

by O. Hinds Tue Mar 26, 2013 9:17 pm

swicked wrote:I gotta kick myself since I thought something terrible was going to happen to Doc, then nothing bad happened so I changed my mind, THEN you had something happen XD

...I seriously don't get why the Remnant allowed a camp of armed, psychopathic ponies that were a regular threat to scavenging zebra working for the Remnant to go unchecked for ANY amount of time, but immediately went and burned down a village of ponies friendly to zebra that they heard had sold a gun.

This may be the cynic in me, but I can't help but suspect that part of it was the fact that a raider camp is a good example of "Ponies are bad! You need to support the glorious Remnant so that we can protect you!", whereas cooperation with Shanty could have led to "...You know, maybe we actually could work together with ponies instead of continuing to fight a holy war against them."
I doubt that that's the entire reason, but...

by O. Hinds Tue Mar 26, 2013 11:33 pm

swicked wrote:
O. Hinds wrote:
swicked wrote:I gotta kick myself since I thought something terrible was going to happen to Doc, then nothing bad happened so I changed my mind, THEN you had something happen XD

...I seriously don't get why the Remnant allowed a camp of armed, psychopathic ponies that were a regular threat to scavenging zebra working for the Remnant to go unchecked for ANY amount of time, but immediately went and burned down a village of ponies friendly to zebra that they heard had sold a gun.
This may be the cynic in me, but I can't help but suspect that part of it was the fact that a raider camp is a good example of "Ponies are bad! You need to support the glorious Remnant so that we can protect you!", whereas cooperation with Shanty could have led to "...You know, maybe we actually could work together with ponies instead of continuing to fight a holy war against them."
I doubt that that's the entire reason, but...
...then why not let the raiders go once they were retreating and Shayle was safe?
Mixed messages, here...

Edit:
Also, what is "Iredi"?

Well, by this logic, you also don't want people to start thinking "Hey, why couldn't our mighty army deal with a few untrained raiders wielding slightly gunny rusts? If they're really that incompetent, maybe we can do better."

Re Iredi, I don't know.

by **CamoBadger** Wed Mar 27, 2013 2:11 am

Naming in my story has been interesting.

From my knowledge of Zebra culture in the FoE universe, it was many tribes that were unified under the Caesar into the Zebra nation (Zebrica I think is the name...).

However, the tribes themselves still kept some of their unique beliefs and traditions. They aren't drastically different but different tribes, even in a small area, do often hold varying beliefs. I continued this on to naming of foals, in that each Tribe has different ways that they name their children, hence the variations in naming. Zebras name their foals based off of how they believed their child should grow up. Some families or tribes took pride in strong foals growing into strong stallions and mares, while others thought that cunning or balanced traits would be better for their children and the family/tribe as a whole. This by no means forced the foals to grow up according to their names, but normally parents named the children from traits that they already possessed and could teach to the next generation.

For example; Shayle, Iredi and Obsinth are named from the same tribe, one which uses earthly substances as names to describe how they wish to raise the child (or in old times how the tribal shaman predicted the child would grow). Shayle was named by her father, who (as you guessed) wished for her to grow up to be a strong and confident (stubborn) mare. (named from shale)
Obsinth's parents wanted him to have a sharp mind, but not necessarily the strongest to balance out his brother. (named from obsidian)
Iredi was named because his parents wished for him to grow up as a resilient and independent stallion. (named from iridium)
(Yeah, they were a little flip-flopped when they actually grew up XD)

On the other hand, Seer was from a tribe that completely relied on the shaman to decide the name of the child. On birth, the local shaman would tell the parents what the child was destined for, and the parents would name the foal accordingly.

However, because of Cross-Tribal relationships (especially in the new 'Remnant' culture where the tribes are intermingled) different families may end up with several tribe's names. Parents of different tribes may choose to name one child based on the father's tribe, and the next child from the mother's tribe. Usually, the parent's would try to balance out the desired traits of the two children, so that they could benefit each other rather and hopefully help each other to grow up into well-rounded zebras.

Shayle and Felix's parents were one of these couples. Shayle took her name from her father's side, while Felix took to his mother's tribe - who named their children based on animals, especially those with traits they desired in their young.
Felix was named because their mother wanted him to grow up curious and clever to balance out Shayle's strength and stubbornness. (named from cats/felines)

I would talk about how Kupigala names come about, but it is late, so maybe later.

Really hope this answers your questions about the name thing, and that it isn't a bunch of late-night half-coherent babble.

by **CamoBadger** Wed Mar 27, 2013 2:24 am

I laughed a bit too hard at that XD Thanks swicked.

And yeah, I put a tad of thought into names because I never understood Zebra naming.

Therefore, I created a system during anthropology class last semester (it was 5 hours every saturday, I had to do SOMETHING to help me remember stuff I learned in that class.)

Fun fact: I understood stuff way too well from that class because I constantly applied it to thinking of a more detailed and realistic zebra culture for my story.
Fallout Equestria = Better Grades.

by Frost Wed Mar 27, 2013 9:33 am

That's pretty cool.

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