Sister forum[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Tue Jan 06, 2015 1:46 am
Hm, sure. Thanks.Icy Shake wrote:Would you like to be able to? I could add, at the least, Somber and the editing team.
I agree with you about the tank mechanics here. The thing is, how they work determines what logistics they need and is determined by their history, and if you don't know what they need and where they come from, how can you tell that it doesn't impact the story? Or, rather, if you begin with it not affecting the story, how can you know that there's a non-problematic way to make that work unless you have some idea of the mechanics and history?Icy Shake wrote:More on the 72 interview/recent discussion here: I think that I have a philosophical difference with Hinds, in that very often I don't think the specifics of how things work is of particular importance in stories. That's far from never, of course, but the operations only matter to me if they make a difference to what's going on, or if that is what the story is about. For instance, as far as I can tell, the only thing that we really need to know about tanks is that they are self-repairing tanks, with limits. The fuel source and similar technical details, though well-thought out and developed in the Setting thread, are something extraneous to what's going on. Deus runs, and that's what matters. If he runs on magic, or cic, or a compact nuclear reactor or battery doesn't matter unless that will be used to define what he can or cannot do in relation to the rest of the world. Does he need refueling, and if so, where can that be done? Will he cause a nuclear disaster if blown up? What do you need to do to beat him? It's questions like these that define what I think I need to know, and even that can be fudged if what happens feels plausible. Of course, if your genre is hard sci-fi, it's different.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Icy Shake Tue Jan 06, 2015 2:37 am
Basically, one of the early passes for me is asking the question, is whatever it would take for this to just work more outlandish/less plausible than other (similarly situated, for example, in a world with Raptors and Thunderheads, do I think a tank plus x, y, and z narratively-convenient features is a stretch) features of the world I've already accepted? In this case, for instance, at least some matter-generation is covered by the water talismans (so any fueling can be hand-waved away) and self-repairing is more believable in a large tank than a cyberpony. Etc. So since I'm pretty sure it can work, and probably in a bunch of different ways, then I don't really care which of them it is. Granted, this is also accentuated by being along for the ride in a vessel that puts everything technical in soft focus through not knowing or caring about any of this (guns excepted) herself. (And that in various cases or at certain times, all that's necessary is that something does what's on the tin. How does the monster of the week work? Eh. It'll be gone in half an hour anyway, hour tops. As long as it's not clearly breaking anything, or could be waved off as unique, stuff can be fudged. How does this thing that's going to be a major focus, stick around, and impact the plot and characters in significant ways while being integrated with them and the major themes or ideas the story's built around work? Now that's something that at least the author should probably have a more definite idea about.)
A lot of it comes down to a gut feeling of whether I think I could come up with something to make it work without adding a bunch of new things to the setting. On that basis, I think that you need to go pretty far in the FoE universe, and more so with the expansions in PH. In a lower-powered setting than wartime Equestria and the zebra nation, some thought might need to be put into the background of things like the tank.
I think a contrasting example is the Steelpony augmentation. For the first 16 chapters at least, only a pretty sketchy concept of how it works was needed. But with them going from pretty much the flavor of the antagonist (that really just needed to explain why he's hard to deal with) to an important component of the main character's arc, things had to get more definite. Or, if Rampage were just a temporary side character, joining up to get Blackjack to the Arena (maybe keeping the amnesia and multiple personalities but cutting some of the angst) and then showing up again from time to time in battles or whatever, then I'd be fine with not knowing why exactly she had the whole regeneration thing and reset to a filly after disintegration. Whatever. It's a Reaper thing; a bunch of them have weird stuff going on. But with her as a major character whose story is built around why she is that way, obviously that needs to be built up.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I differentiate between the story and the things that help the story move along. If something is just part of the latter group, then as long as it doesn't jump out as ridiculous, I'll just accept it and keep focusing on the actual story. Especially when the setting is already fuzzy and stretchy.
A lot of it comes down to a gut feeling of whether I think I could come up with something to make it work without adding a bunch of new things to the setting. On that basis, I think that you need to go pretty far in the FoE universe, and more so with the expansions in PH. In a lower-powered setting than wartime Equestria and the zebra nation, some thought might need to be put into the background of things like the tank.
I think a contrasting example is the Steelpony augmentation. For the first 16 chapters at least, only a pretty sketchy concept of how it works was needed. But with them going from pretty much the flavor of the antagonist (that really just needed to explain why he's hard to deal with) to an important component of the main character's arc, things had to get more definite. Or, if Rampage were just a temporary side character, joining up to get Blackjack to the Arena (maybe keeping the amnesia and multiple personalities but cutting some of the angst) and then showing up again from time to time in battles or whatever, then I'd be fine with not knowing why exactly she had the whole regeneration thing and reset to a filly after disintegration. Whatever. It's a Reaper thing; a bunch of them have weird stuff going on. But with her as a major character whose story is built around why she is that way, obviously that needs to be built up.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I differentiate between the story and the things that help the story move along. If something is just part of the latter group, then as long as it doesn't jump out as ridiculous, I'll just accept it and keep focusing on the actual story. Especially when the setting is already fuzzy and stretchy.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Tue Jan 06, 2015 7:55 am
Hm. It's sounding like our views are similar in many ways, the greatest difference perhaps being the exact locations of the thresholds of "good enough explanations or stand-ins therefor".
Last edited by O. Hinds on Tue Jan 06, 2015 7:15 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by LordsServant Tue Jan 06, 2015 6:14 pm
That's a really cool spreadsheet that was posted earlier, but (and correct me if this sounds a touch morbid) wouldn't it be better improved by adding in when/how certain characters died?
Obviously, Blackjack gets to cheat and get a few entries, but knowing how/why/when (or w/e else) certain characters died was half the "fun" (I'm morbid as fuck come to think of it) of the original FoE. Maybe have an additional tag for further details we learn about their deaths?
Example:
Obviously, Blackjack gets to cheat and get a few entries, but knowing how/why/when (or w/e else) certain characters died was half the "fun" (I'm morbid as fuck come to think of it) of the original FoE. Maybe have an additional tag for further details we learn about their deaths?
Example:
- Pinkie Pie:
- Location: MoM Hub, Manehattan, Equestria.
Cause 1: Killed in balefire explosion when magical protections on building failed.
Reason: The apocalypse.
Cause 2: Killed by Psalm/committed suicide(up for debate considering circumstances) during the execution of Partypooper.
Reason: Listed target of Partypooper.
When: The day of the megaspell exchange and end of world, immediately prior to Manehattan megaspell event.
Discovered: (w/e chapter it was in FoE, and the Psalm flashback chapter in PH)
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by CD Tue Jan 06, 2015 9:34 pm
What, are we going to play Cluedo: Project Horizons edition?
"It was Blackjack, in the Fluttershy Medical Centre, with a flick of a switch. Mass child murder."
"It was Blackjack, in the Fluttershy Medical Centre, with a flick of a switch. Mass child murder."
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Icy Shake Tue Jan 06, 2015 11:20 pm
Sounds fair.O. Hinds wrote:Hm. It's sounding like our views are similar in many ways, the greatest difference perhaps being the exact locations of the thresholds of "good enough explanations or stand-ins therefor".
I've added chapter and circumstances of death columns, but right now it's just off of memory. If/when I finish more accurate and comprehensive versions, those columns will probably be spoilered.LordsServant wrote:That's a really cool spreadsheet that was posted earlier, but (and correct me if this sounds a touch morbid) wouldn't it be better improved by adding in when/how certain characters died?
Obviously, Blackjack gets to cheat and get a few entries, but knowing how/why/when (or w/e else) certain characters died was half the "fun" (I'm morbid as fuck come to think of it) of the original FoE. Maybe have an additional tag for further details we learn about their deaths?
Example:
- Pinkie Pie:
Cause 1: Killed in balefire explosion when magical protections on building failed.
Reason: The apocalypse.
Cause 2: Killed by Psalm/committed suicide(up for debate considering circumstances) during the execution of Partypooper.
Reason: Listed target of Partypooper.
When: The day of the megaspell exchange and end of world, immediately prior to Manehattan megaspell event.
Discovered: (w/e chapter it was in FoE, and the Psalm flashback chapter in PH)
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Vinylshadow Wed Jan 07, 2015 2:57 am
Yeah, a comprehensive list of who died when, how and where sounds reasonable, at least for prominent characters
RIP, Enclave Soldier TK-664, or whomever
Would make a handy resource for Fo:E writers too
RIP, Enclave Soldier TK-664, or whomever
Would make a handy resource for Fo:E writers too
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Blue Heron Wed Jan 07, 2015 3:06 am
And chapters of when they died, for ease of reference.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by ILM126 Wed Jan 07, 2015 7:20 am
O. Hinds wrote:@ILM126:
Welcome to the forum!
Oh, if you're joining that far back, you ought to be aware that this thread tends to drop spoiler marking for a chapter not all that long after its release, so you read here at your own peril until you catch up (unless you don't care about spoilers, of course).
I'm glad that you're enjoying the story so much, though. :)What do you mean?Ryx wrote:also there's a typo on 257 B
Thanks, I'm now just finishing the last chapter in volume 4 now. Trying to catch up (Chapter 1 ~ 72) in 1 month :D
Going well...
(Too many late nights...)
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by SilentCarto Wed Jan 07, 2015 11:23 pm
Well, they should require no more micromanagement than the robots we see elsewhere in the story. At the spaceport, Amadi didn't have to order anything more specific than, "Brood! Destroy them all! Kill everything! Kill it all! And destroy those rockets!" One would assume they were loaded with battlefield tactics equivalent to any other military robot. When possible, they use effective combined-arms tactics involving unicorn teleports, pegasus air attacks, and reasonably intelligent deployment of heavy weapons like tanks. They don't use cover, but that's understandable -- they have no fear of death, and with effectively unlimited numbers, it doesn't matter if ten of them get shot down charging an opponent if it gets the eleventh guy within stabbing range. And it's not like they just Zerg Rush in and hope at least one gets through; as we saw at Miramare, Stable 99, and the bunker under No Pony's Land, they use tactics specifically designed to get that eleventh guy through. They're not stupid so much as just alien to any being with a sense of self-preservation.swicked wrote:Fine, though Lighthoof's forces were sentient beings and the Brood are not.
I just expect they require more micromanagement and that advanced tactics (like, assuming they were loaded with something similar to pipbuck software, being capable of something more than going to a location and shooting anything hostile along the way) might be well beyond them.
Though maybe I just haven't been paying attention and they have been, on an individual level, as adept as a sentient being can be in ways outside of durability.
All in all, whenever we see Brood fight up close, they use excellent tactics for getting the job done. It's just that those tactics can be predicted and exploited to create a strategic failure, which shouldn't happen if they were being micromanaged in some way.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by WavemasterRyx Thu Jan 08, 2015 1:23 am
Ah... 32:28... I'm so sorry... I had no right to cause such a disruptive influence, even in part...Somber wrote:Also: interview here, if you want to read. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hfx7y5v4xxw&feature=youtu.be Edit: I sound so horrible...
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Somber Thu Jan 08, 2015 3:32 am
LOL. It's okay. It's a testiment to the power of Boo!
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Thu Jan 08, 2015 3:41 am
Aye. She's been denying Somber's plans for her since she went from "creepy" to "cute", you may recall from the interview. :)
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Harmony Ltd. Thu Jan 08, 2015 3:30 pm
In the end, only her will remain atop the ashes.Somber wrote:LOL. It's okay. It's a testiment to the power of Boo!
Maybe Boo is the cause of PH going on for so long? Because once the story is over, she too will end?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Epsilon Thu Jan 08, 2015 4:21 pm
Are you sure about that? Uh-oh, spin-off incoming!Harmony Ltd. wrote:In the end, only her will remain atop the ashes.Somber wrote:LOL. It's okay. It's a testiment to the power of Boo!
Maybe Boo is the cause of PH going on for so long? Because once the story is over, she too will end?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by WavemasterRyx Thu Jan 08, 2015 4:44 pm
Somber wrote:LOL. It's okay. It's a testiment to the power of Boo!
I just don't want to cause more trouble than I already have... As long as you think it's worth it, sirs... just please don't let her lose her mane...O. Hinds wrote:Aye. She's been denying Somber's plans for her since she went from "creepy" to "cute", you may recall from the interview. :)
Well the original plan was to keep drawing her well after PH eventually ended... if I can ever manage to draw her (or anything) again...Harmony Ltd. wrote:Maybe Boo is the cause of PH going on for so long? Because once the story is over, she too will end?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Thu Jan 08, 2015 6:35 pm
Good luck. Sorry. I feel like I ought to be saying something more than that, but I'm not especially good at comforting people.Ryx wrote:Well the original plan was to keep drawing her well after PH eventually ended... if I can ever manage to draw her (or anything) again...
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Borsuq Sun Jan 11, 2015 5:38 pm
Wow, the discussion has been dead here for a while. Hm...
...
What happened to Jetstream?
...
What happened to Jetstream?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by RoboRed Sun Jan 11, 2015 7:09 pm
Good question.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Sun Jan 11, 2015 9:06 pm
As I recall, that's not been explicitly revealed, but the pieces are there.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by LordsServant Sun Jan 11, 2015 10:07 pm
Borsuq wrote:Wow, the discussion has been dead here for a while. Hm...
...
What happened to Jetstream?
If you want to read into the Happyhorn chapter a bit deeper, I think it's sorta implied that she was used to kick the apocalypse off by providing targeting info for some kind've equestrian megaspell on the Zebra capital.
She was p. off the deep end, and I think it was Garnet (or Onyx?) who sent her to do it as part of the whole "end of the world plan" which also involved partypooper and various other stuff.
If you remember back near the beginning when Blackjack first starts getting stalked by Lacunae, she discovers a museum (she later gets the starmetal sword from here) that was raided literally hours/minutes before the apocalypse. Blackjack thought it was a coincidence due to the fact that there was a lot of spare casings etc etc implying that it would've been cleaned up normally, but later finds out through a recording that it was some kinda blackops team actively communicating about how long they had until the apocalypse during the raid.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Borsuq Sun Jan 11, 2015 11:30 pm
Well, it's alive!... somewhat...
What I meant to ask if it was ever mentioned how she died. I recall her being send to Zebra lands (which, if my memory serves correct, she did because she went crazy and thought [or somebody told her, like Garnet or Onyx] that the zebra were holding Stonewing captive... of course, she was being used for that purpose of kicking the apocalypse...).
I don't expect her show up in Project Horizon, of course, not now out of the blue (and on the Moon), but... in case a blue and purple pegasus mare were considered to possibly appear in some other fanfic in some fashion... it would be nice to know if it was ever stated in Project Horizon that Jetstream was dead, end of story.
What I meant to ask if it was ever mentioned how she died. I recall her being send to Zebra lands (which, if my memory serves correct, she did because she went crazy and thought [or somebody told her, like Garnet or Onyx] that the zebra were holding Stonewing captive... of course, she was being used for that purpose of kicking the apocalypse...).
I don't expect her show up in Project Horizon, of course, not now out of the blue (and on the Moon), but... in case a blue and purple pegasus mare were considered to possibly appear in some other fanfic in some fashion... it would be nice to know if it was ever stated in Project Horizon that Jetstream was dead, end of story.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Somber Mon Jan 12, 2015 10:11 am
She got left behind by the story. Essentially, she carried a targeting talisman to Roam. When the newest megaspell was tested, it didn't go off where they thought it did, and instead nuked Roam. To be fair, Garnet set off doomsday with the belief that Equestria would come out of it alive and intact. She didn't anticipate that the skies would be closed off and the surface left to rot. She just wanted to get out of the OIA purge with her tail intact, because she saw the writing on the wall way earlier than others: the liaisons would hang with Goldenblood for crimes against the country.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by RoboRed Mon Jan 12, 2015 4:40 pm
So did Jetstream die off with the nuke?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by SS117 Mon Jan 12, 2015 5:40 pm
I apologize if this was answered way before but just where did Blackjack get the megaspell that destroyed Shadowbolt Tower?
Also, I think it would have been funny to get Velvet's reaction to seeing Whisper for the first time. Or "Oh, hey, you're mom is a tree."
Also, I think it would have been funny to get Velvet's reaction to seeing Whisper for the first time. Or "Oh, hey, you're mom is a tree."
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by SilentCarto Mon Jan 12, 2015 8:42 pm
Given that she thought it was a mass teleport spell, and therefore had ground zero literally in her hooves, I think that would be a solid "yes".RoboRed wrote:So did Jetstream die off with the nuke?
It was the one stored under Hoofington, in the megaspell facility being maintained by those... ghost-zombie things.SS117 wrote:I apologize if this was answered way before but just where did Blackjack get the megaspell that destroyed Shadowbolt Tower?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by RoboRed Mon Jan 12, 2015 8:49 pm
Completely forgot about that.SilentCarto wrote:
Given that she thought it was a mass teleport spell,
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by SS117 Mon Jan 12, 2015 9:02 pm
SilentCarto wrote:Given that she thought it was a mass teleport spell, and therefore had ground zero literally in her hooves, I think that would be a solid "yes".RoboRed wrote:So did Jetstream die off with the nuke?It was the one stored under Hoofington, in the megaspell facility being maintained by those... ghost-zombie things.SS117 wrote:I apologize if this was answered way before but just where did Blackjack get the megaspell that destroyed Shadowbolt Tower?
Oh! The one all the way back in Chapter 26? I completely forgot about that. Thanks!
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Icy Shake Tue Jan 13, 2015 12:34 am
I was thinking about that while reading yesterday: whether Garnet had acted on her own or for someone else, and in any case, what the motivation for the first strike (reported to have happened in a memory in 62.2) was. I guess that's that. Now, unless I'm mistaken, I believe that Garnet was the liaison to Peace. Which raises the question: is megaspell-oriented stupid contagious?Somber wrote:She got left behind by the story. Essentially, she carried a targeting talisman to Roam. When the newest megaspell was tested, it didn't go off where they thought it did, and instead nuked Roam. To be fair, Garnet set off doomsday with the belief that Equestria would come out of it alive and intact. She didn't anticipate that the skies would be closed off and the surface left to rot. She just wanted to get out of the OIA purge with her tail intact, because she saw the writing on the wall way earlier than others: the liaisons would hang with Goldenblood for crimes against the country.
- Chapter Sixty Two Part Two Running Thoughts:
- “Yeah, I wasn’t expecting that either,” I said once we were clear, glad synthetic ears could handle the shriek.
So was the whole tower kept at ground air pressure?
Below me I could see some kind of colossal weight suspended in the middle of the shaft.
Makes me think of Artemis Fowl and the Lost Colony, which is where I first saw the pendulum stabilization used.
One, but Vigilance was dry now, too. As the last turret swung its searing beam towards us, I focused my will and fired magic bullets. It was a hundred feet away. Seventy-five. Fifty.
Finally, the blue hemisphere popped in a shower of sparks just as the elevator began to slow.
Lucky the magic bullets are better against armor than at the start.
Someday, I was going to have to find a PipBuck technician and sit on them till they explained slowly enough for me to understand how E.F.S. threat detection worked.
There's one who might not mind. Might have trouble getting any words out, though.
“I’m glad you’re here. I really miss my friends. Rampage was right about splitting up. Nothing good comes from it.”
Boo blinked, then gave a little baffled smile and nuzzled back. Then she sneezed. That simply stirred up more dust, causing more sneezes from both of us.
Having heard how Boo was supposed to be more creepy than cute, it kind of occurs to me that that fits better with the whole line of Blackjack caring so much about her, saying she's a real pony, and all that. Since it's not as much of a stretch when the target of that feeling is like an adorable pet rather than offputting.
Okay, I had to look up "Mephitis," since I was sure I'd heard related words elsewhere. Genus of skunks, or alternate spelling of a Roman goddess associated with poisonous gases, especially from swamps or volcanoes. So nice use, there, and good matching to the character.
I knelt before him. “Chicanery? What are you doing here?” His eyes suddenly bulged. “What is it?” I imagined murder implants going off inside him… maybe a bomb. Then he blew, all right. He lurched forward and vomited down my front with impressive force.
Okay, so Rampage has vomited on P-21; Blackjack on I think some alicorns, a zebra or Enclave soldier at Yellow River, and maybe Deus; and Chicanery on Blackjack. Might be missing some, though.
I saw a pale rump bearing a cutie mark of a camera and attached to a stallion curled up with a bottle of whiskey.
. . .
“Chicanery? What are you doing here?”
. . .
“I think he’s gone completely nuts,” the pale pegasus said hollowly, no longer suave with his brown mane slicked back.
Cutie mark decal and mane dye? If so, is he wearing them now, or was he before in public for some reason? (had been a spectrum burst, and silver)
“Did he mention Stargazer?” I asked, finishing cleaning off my barding with articles on the medical bastard.
Good use of newsprint.
Said he’d worked it all out, but with her dead it was ruined.
Guess he wasn't working with Cognitum/Dawn on that. Wonder what was with the suspicious timing, then.
I closed my eyes and scribbled something on a piece of paper. “Do you have any of these lying around?” He narrowed his eyes, peered at it, and started to speak. “Don’t say it!” I blurted, now baffling the white stallion. “Lighthooves might be listening with your perceptithingy.”
I think this is a nice use of the narrator hiding things in a way that actually builds suspense rather than just frustration. That technique ends real bad when it falls on the other side, though.
“You don’t have a jamming device in all that?”
I frowned. “My augmentations aren’t exactly the same that Lighthooves is using. Mine are cobbled together with a repair talisman, two other sets of cyberpony parts, and a suit of power armor. His are... I don’t know what. But they’re a damned bit better than mine.”
“Sounds like you need an upgrade,” he joked. It’d been a joke. I should have taken it like a joke.
Instead, I turned and slammed him into the wall with enough force to wipe that smile off his face. A little harder... “Don’t say that,” I growled as I glared. “Don’t even think it. I don’t want an upgrade. If there was a way I could have less metal and more me, I’d take it in a heartbeat... if I had one.”
Some explanation (reiterated), some foreshadowing, some angst. And hey, at least she didn't almost choke him to death like she had Candlewick when he touched her ass.
“That’s all research he did for a dissertation for his commission.” My gaze was drawn to some of the neatly arranged articles and clippings and picked out some prominent names in the headlines and captions. Lightning Dust. Rainbow Dash. Soarin. Spitfire. Pound Cake. Borealis. Zephyr. Touchdown, Dumbell, and Hoops. Mephitis. The name stuck like a thorn and I levitated one page and scanned the biography. It touted his charitable work with zebra POWs due to his childhood growing up in zebra lands. Well, that explained the name, at least. From the article, he sounded like a saint warning the pegasi that due to radiation and disease, the surface would be uninhabitable for generations. But I knew what he’d done at Yellow River. This article made the camp sound like the Society’s country club.
I think I might have missed this point first time around. Nice inclusion.
The silver rings were a part of it, but it seemed like resistance to Enervation wasn’t simple cyberponification or a lucky lack of pest control talismans. It was something more… elusive. Something stronger. It was… It was…
The magic of friendship?
It was something a smarter pony than me could have figured out.
I had a vague impression of a very disappointed little purple unicorn in my brain banging her head repeatedly against my skull, but I put it out of my mind as we moved to the social areas.
Hey, in fairness, Blackjack has that as a more intuitive thing than beaten in by years on assignment explicitly studying it.
“Yeah. I didn’t last long when I’d stepped out of my sta…” I paused as a tiny purple mare pulled out a chalkboard, wrote 96 -> 99, and then smiled hopefully at me as she waved her hoof in vague encouragement. “I came from a stable whose population was… almost wiped out.” By me, I omitted.
Well, it's not like that detail could impact her decision at all.
First, via EC-1101 bouncing through the Enclave’s communication network like a pinball, I contacted Crumpets. Not that I doubted Paladin Stronghoof, but she seemed a little more grounded than the overenthusiastic stallion.
It's like the only things keeping him from floating into the sky from sheer passion are his own massive bulk and sometimes his armor. When he's actually wearing it.
I knew what I had to do, but if I messed up or failed, a lot of ponies were going to die. I’d be the biggest mass murderer in two centuries.
No, I still think there'd be bigger. Autumn Leaf, Red Eye, maybe the Goddess. Deus and Sanguine. Maybe they didn't manage all that in just a day, but they had pretty high tolls.
“Get away from the microphone you maniacal--” Storm Chaser began.
“Hello? One should not interrupt maniacal monsters. It’s rude,” Rampage said indignantly. “You need a Raptor?”
“Yeah. One would be nice,” I said warily. “For an evacuation.”
“Can I crash it into something afterwards?”
“Blackjack,” the general warned ominously.
Blackjack, don't go gifting things that aren't yours to give. Still not nearly as bad as Silver Spoon, though.
“I’m telling you, those hornheads are doing something down there!” a green stallion with white cyberaugmentation muttered. “There’s some kind of activity going on, and we should go check it out.” Without their augments matching their hide and with no hint of a seam or impression that the armor could come off, the transition from one to the other was a bit disturbing. Three of them were clustered at a junction, giving watchful looks down the side halls.
“Orders are orders. Next time those Neighvarro jackasses try and move up, we hit them from below. When they come at us, Fabrication will hit them from above,” a blue mare said sharply, then moved as if to touch an earbloom, but halted. She glanced over at a yellow stallion who pawed at his crotch. “What is wrong with you?”
“I’m not sure if I still have a penis,” he muttered.
Oh, hey. It's these guys. Mostly the penis guy, though; he was a lot more memerable later.
“Wait,” the yellow stallion suddenly frowned at Chicanery. “How’d you get this far up? Somepony down below should have stopped you before you got here.”
“That is very true. And they did,” he said with a smile as he gave his tail a flick. Two bits of metal tied to the end glittered. Then the hallway filled with crackling energy that made Chicanery’s mane stand on end as two blue spheres of electricity expanded around him.
Man, it's nice having someone with really high speeh around.
Maybe it’d be different if it was just a hoof or even just a leg, but transforming a pony’s whole body all at once into a cyberpony seems to have some nasty side effects.” Like me trying to kill myself running all over the Hoof alone, or going into a balefire-burning prison.
Drinking a gallon of hard liquor in a night.
“Stop what?” he replied with a naughty smirk I’d worn far too many times myself. “Am I making you nervous?”
“No, you’re making me horny, and I have a stable to evacuate, a city to save, a marefriend to reunite with, and your brother to stop before tens of thousands die. I do not have time for a quickie,” I said before pointing down the hall.
Nice way of handling it.
“That stallion is either going to rut me or die trying,” I said, frowning and looking myself over. Something definitely felt off, but then, feeling off was normal for me right now. The blank tilted her head as I pursed my lips. “Do I smell funny to you, Boo?” I couldn’t really tell. My own sense of smell wasn’t exactly as sharp as it used to be. Boo blinked, then sneezed cutely, and I sighed and ruffled her mane. “That’s what I thought, Boo. That’s what I thought.”
Subtle.
The power-armored ponies took one look at me, and the officer in front snapped immediately, “Power down your weapons! It’s Blackjack! Power down! Now!”
"Quick! Disarm before she kills us all!"
“I might have missed a few, but every pegasus we neutralized should be tied up with cable behind us.”
“Sweet. That’ll make shooting them in the head easy,” one of the pegasi laughed.
Not exactly the best reflection on the Enclave military, there. I don't think you're supposed to be that casual about war crimes. Also, bad time to say that.
Sure, you’ll be faster. Sure, you’ll be tougher and stronger, too. You’ll also be that much less a pony. Ponies aren’t machines! You aren’t… things! Things to be butchered and replaced with metal.
Note that one way of reading that is that "You" is in the place of "ponies," and Blackjack is placing herself as not a pony.
I’ve met the original. Deus. He went through every moment of his life in agony and turned into a rapist just to feel normal.
Okay, that was maybe a part but he was off the deep end in violence and revenge against women as a whole before he was cyberized.
“I know you want to do everything to save your home. There’s nothing worse than seeing your home burn* and being powerless to stop it.
*Gassed.
“Can you fly me up to the roof?”
She considered me for a long, sober minute. “Not in anything like a wagon, or carrying you. Lighthooves’s fliers are all over. We can barely handle them in the open air with superior numbers, and it’s dicey. We might be able to fight our way to the roof, but carrying the two of you would make us a huge fat target.”
I hissed softly through my teeth. If only I could teleport more than a dozen feet! There had to be a way, though. I stepped away and let my eyes pass over the racks of synthetic eyeballs, legs, lungs, hearts, wings, beam guns, hide…
Wings.
And there we go. One more sacrifice.
No. I’d find another way. I wasn’t about to lose my other half. “Let me get a better look at the shaft between here and fabrication. Maybe I can fight through,” I said, trying to dredge up whatever optimism I had left. As we walked out, the pod’s doors lay wide open as if patiently waiting.
The end of this paragraph is great.
I really like the exchange with the Dealer as Blackjack tries to deny that she needs to take on further augmentations. A lot of her tone is denial, fear, an innocent wish that maybe she wouldn't have to give more of herself to do what she needs to do. It kind of reminds me of the scene where Jesus prays that he won't have to go through his suffering and death, just before he's arrested.
“Well, part of it was that she was a Ministry Mare, not a general. She was always seen as Princess Luna’s mascot for the pegasi. Hell of a flyer and the only Ministry Mare with even a sliver of military background, but she wasn’t a soldier in many pegasi’s eyes. Just a glory hound and a dirt-kisser.
Wow. Way to just brush aside all the front-line combat, including the save at Shattered Hoof Ridge.
Most damning was Doctor Mephitis. He showed footage of diseased zebras eating each other. Sickened the whole room. Rainbow Dash told them all to go buck themselves, though, and took off on her own. The Enclave got its start there, based on the military.”
At least it was working; listening to him was keeping my mind where it should be: not panicking. “Son of a mule,” I shouted. “Sick bastard probably accessed the cameras in his own prison camp!”
“Hey. That’s my ancestor you’re talking about there,” Chicanery said in mock seriousness, “And by all accounts, he was a pretty serious doctor. I don’t know what you mean by prison camp. Yellow River was a hospital.”
And now we're getting there.
But then I felt the tugging around my ears and cheeks, and it was all I could do to do nothing as I felt the rubbing that made me want to scratch and scream all at once. When those hands pulled, nothing could stop me from seeing the bloody hide dangling from the steel fingers, because my eyelids were attached to it.
Chilling.
“How is she still conscious? She should be having a heart attack right now,” I heard one technician say to another.
Did this technician not get the memo that's she's already augmented and doesn't have the kind of heart that can really have an attack?
The metal plate was being fixed to my face, covering my muzzle and head before being screwed in place. I couldn’t blink. I had a disturbing sensation that I wouldn’t ever blink again.
A good illustative choice.
“Whoa! Foreign biological material detected!” one of the technicians shouted.
“Don’t worry. The pod will flush it,” replied the other.
“It’s in her uterus,” the first snapped. “Dear skies above, I think she’s pregnant!”
Man that's a hammer-blow. Really not a good time to have that hit, in practical terms. Of course, for someone undergoing a crisis of equinity, despairing of her connection to normal biological life, quite a rope to grasp.
“Not from what my systems are showing. Looks like it implanted in the uterine wall recently. Hormone levels confirm,” the mare technician said.
Huh. I thought that it'd been absorbed by the talismans that let her eat metal. Or . . . Oh! "It" is the embryo. Never mind.
“What’s this? ‘Echo Cleanup Protocol’?” another technician asked as there was more hissing and whirring and doing something to my body. “Seriously? The parts are installed. What more is there to do?”
I have a feeling the "what more is there to do" involves leaving you without a way to make more cyberponies.
Lighthooves used the pegasus production model. I have no clue what this ‘Eclipse’ model is supposed to be.
Well, I think that helps answer, or at least gives a suggestion about, whether it was for IMP-alicorns or the princesses.
The half dozen Enclave soldiers, unicorn technicians, Twister, Chicanery, and Boo all gaped at me as I walked forward. My E.F.S. was installing drivers in the periphery of my vision. The only parts of me that could feel open air were my mouth and under my tail. Every inch of me that remained was covered. I wanted to go to the technicians and find out for sure if they were certain I was pregnant, but I also needed to get to the roof, but I also... I also needed...
I felt everything slipping away from me. This was wrong. All wrong! I’d given up enough of myself, hadn’t I? Was there anything left of me? Anything at all? “Mirror...” I croaked.
Just kind of had a flash to the scene where Harvey Dent asks for a mirror after the accident (Batman TAS).
Chicanery, naturally, spoke first as he trotted over to a mirror set up against the wall. Somepony had cracked it, clearly not happy with the results. “Are you sure?” Chicanery asked as he stood in front of it. “Don’t you want to know more about the ba--”
“Just give me the fucking mirror!” I shouted, reaching out with a hoof and throwing him aside. Then I saw the reflection and froze.
Kind of still feeling it.
I screamed and whirled on the idling booth. I didn’t know if they read my intent or if I mentally smashed buttons in my rage, but the beam guns on my side cracked again and again as they blasted the booth. My sword swung wildly in great arcs before me. Metal parted, hoses sprayed, wires sparked, and I laughed. I howled as I ripped the machine apart, and then, when there was nothing left of that horrid device to destroy, I sprayed and slashed and smashed my way through the rest of the room, pegasi and unicorns running for the exit or diving for cover.
I’d just keep shooting and slashing till there was nothing left. That seemed like the right thing to do. Yeah.
There's that cyberpsychosis.
A part of me, the Reaper part of me, wanted to blast her to ash and cut down everypony else just because they were there. Boo should have been the first to run and hide. She deserved to die! They all did! I did!
Then the blank stretched out a hoof and touched the side of my mouth. My cheek and lips were all I had left that weren’t covered in steel. I trembled, not sure what I’d do next, when she smiled, leaned in, and gave a little nuzzle. She tilted her head, scratched at an ear with her hoof, and then looked to me with her bright ivory eyes. “B... Buh...Baaa...” She paused, and then, “Bwackjack!”
Tears, there. Fits the pattern of Blackjack always getting just enough to keep going. Also, this whole transformation, now that I think about it, is all the worse coming right on the heels of Blackjack having really, really wanting to live, not die, even a little, at the end of part one.
“Sure. He never married, but he had liaisons with some unicorns in the tower,” Chicanery answered, then rolled his eyes a little, “I mean, he was a great stallion. His biography is required reading for every schoolpony. But he did have a few little personal problems.”
Well, if it's enough to cover Yellow River, I don't think you can fault that whitewash for letting "a few little personal problems" slip through. Maybe even make sure they can be found by just relying on propriety, as a way of letting people think they've found the dirt.
“You should visit this little place called Yellow River down on the surface. Might make you appreciate your ancestor in a whole new... light...”
Oh shit. It couldn’t be that simple, could it?
You'd think so, certainly.
“Flame Pinion? Could you escort her? Just in case? I really don’t want anypony shooting at her or her shooting at anypony she shouldn’t.”
“Great. A chaperone,” I said with a huff as I shook my head. Worst of all, it was probably a good idea. How depressing was that? “Let’s go.”
One day, when you can sit at the grown-ups table and not have violent, destructive tantrums, you won't need a chaperone anymore.
My wings hummed as the talismans charged up, and I felt as light as a weightless five-hundred-pound feather.
Should have stuck to the diet.
“Brilliant! I never seen a distraction technique so well pulled off! I mean, you were spinning on all three axes at once. And the crying for your mommy? Wonderful,” Chicanery said as he trotted up with his camera helmet back on.
Got me laughing.
“Did you fix that?” I asked sourly as I rose to my hooves, one plate still perched on the end of my horn, rotating briskly.
“Oh yeah. No way I’m missing footage like this! I plan to live through this, and when I do--” there was a flash of silver, and I sheathed my sword before I turned and trotted for the exit. “Wait, what--” he began. Then the hat came apart and tumbled into his hooves. “My footage...” he whimpered. “Not cool.”
So much for Blackjack's entry to Equestria's Funniest Home Videos. I'm sure there will be more, though.
For a moment, I felt a thrill of panic as I saw it was the Galeforce.
Then the door opened up, and it became clear that somepony had made a mess of the crew. A terrified Captain Crosswinds came galloping out of the carnage. The green stallion, clearly battered and with one eye swelling shut, was being ridden by a striped, bloodied, and cackling filly I knew quite well.
So, sounds like they probably used the put Rampage in the barrel of a big gun plan.
“Stormy loaded me up in their big cannon, and I got to play ‘Fun with Ballistics’. I owe their gunner some oral sex for making that shot.
What's the going rate on that these days? Better than when Blackjack tried in chapter one? 'Cause I don't remember that offer being well-received then. :D
“Please. I’ll be a good captain. I’ll go on the straight and narrow. I’ll feed orphans and widows. I’ll stop cheating on my mare and my mistress and my girlfriend if you’ll please get her off my back!” he begged.
I love this line.
“Rampage, we don’t have time for this,” I said flatly. “Are you coming or not?”
“But... but... I have a Raptor now! Sky pirates! But a good chance of me getting killed,” she whined as she gestured from the ship to the top of the tower, clearly torn. Finally, she blurted, “That’s not fair, Blackjack!”
Well, can't really say that Blackjack didn't make the offer.
“Yah mule. Back to my ship. We’ll need to paint it bright red to make it go faster.
But I thought that's what racing stripes were for.
In the air, the view of chaos was now complete. Raptor fought with Raptor as they moved in a deadly dance of maneuver and counter maneuver. I watched as the Castellanus, still trailing smoke from multiple holes in her plates, dove vertically towards the red-accented Sirocco. For a terrifying moment, I was certain that the Castellanus was in freefall as the ship blasted the spinning props atop the Sirocco with its front cannons. Then the Castellanus tumbled to the side, turned ninety degrees, and opened fire with its remaining ventral turrets, tearing great green gashes in the side of the Sirocco. As it plunged beneath its enemy, the Castellanus’s propellers blurred to life to slow its descent, its nose swinging up as it hovered in place and fired at the underside of its enemy. I had no idea how much damage it did, but, as I watched the Castellanus fall back into a horizontal position and pull away and the Sirocco return fire, I felt it was a little surreal to watch a giant war machine pirouetting so.
All around me, pegasi wheeled, clashed, and wheeled again. The more maneuverable cyberponies did all they could to attack their enemies from any direction but the front. The power armor, on the other hoof, would move in paired formations flying towards each other, each blasting any cyberpony harassing the other wing. Then the two wings would veer off seconds before collision. As soon as they pulled apart from each other, the cyberponies reengaged, harassing their backs and wings. I saw what Twister meant about an open-air advantage. Out here, the cyberponies really had to work to pick off an enemy before another formation pulled in and blasted them out of the sky.
I like the battle description here, compact and action-oriented, and with a better vantage for actually telling what's happening than in part one. As for the pegasi fighting, I think it sounds like a big part of what's going on might be the difference between professional soldiers and many of the cyberponies just being fresh volunteers and certainly not yet used to their augmentations.
My horn popped like a blown bulb, and I watched as my magic failed all at once. My sword, hovering beside me, tumbled away to the green Core far below. I saw it glitter for a moment in the sun, and then it was gone.
I'll miss you, starmetal sword. You had some good times together. And were one of the better chances for Rampage to die.
There stood Princess Luna, though not the Princess I had seen before. This mare, older and harder and more imperious than that playful and kind mare, glared down at me with contempt. “Goldenblood is dead, but I suspect his conspiracies are not,” she said in cold rage, eyes narrowed like blades.
“I don’t know anything about Horizons,” I whispered.
Ah yes, a memory from Echo. His binding to EC-1101, I think.
“Do you understand what is happening as we speak? The zebras have made the preposterous claim that we detonated a megaspell in their capital. That we dispatched an agent to Roam and committed an atrocity on their soil.
And that sounds like the thing Garnet sent Jetstream to do from Happyhorn.
“Sorry?” Luna said in contemptuous tones. “Do you understand what is happening as we speak? The zebras have made the preposterous claim that we detonated a megaspell in their capital. That we dispatched an agent to Roam and committed an atrocity on their soil. They have produced doctored film of ravaged cities, deftly edited to appear to be their capital, and are broadcasting them throughout their empire, but why? Why tell such a blatant lie, given that our military reports all our megaspells accounted for, primed, and ready to be cast?” Her furious eyes glared down at me as she continued, cold as the winter sky, “Whence sprang this deceit? Is it a plot of Goldenblood? A ploy of the Caesar? The lives of tens of millions of my subjects are at stake, and the one pony I trusted more than any other has betrayed me!”
With the added context of Jetstream's experience, it probably did happen like this. But then the question is, who was behind it? Just Garnet? Horse? Goldenblood? Amadi? Doesn't seem like something Horse or Goldenblood would be behind, though they'd both have the capability.
“We shall bond your mind and soul to this megaspell. Your body shall be taken away for safekeeping. If for some reason this spell should ever be released, it will search out its intended, but you shall ensure that it returns to me. If you do not, your mind and soul shall evaporate slowly and steadily till they are no more. But!” she said sharply, and then smiled. “But if you are loyal, if you are true, and it returns to me, then I shall reunite your body, mind, and soul. And if no plot emerges and EC-1101 remains safe, my land and my people secure, then... then you shall be pardoned.”
Harsh. And that raises the point of exactly where his body would be kept. Not, presumably, where the fake Crusader is. But it could be retrieved easily, if it was somewhere in the Core, and could, lacking a soul, survive the Enervation with little problem.
Slowly, she backed away, and two stallions in dark purple robes entered, one short and stout, the other tall and thin. “Do it. I have to prepare for the Gala tonight. I’d cancel the damned thing, but it’s important to keep the pretense while we ferret out his conspirators
So it's on the day the bombs fell. Must be early, to give Snails time to return to Hightower.
Their hoods drew back as the unicorns, one blue and the other orange, stared at me with eyes full of stars.
Pretty close to, or reminds me of:
[Marigold]: “Always remember how proud I am of you. How glad I am to see you go becoming such a good girl. You kept me going. You kept me strong. And now you have to go and help other ponies, too. Please. Promise me you’ll keep going. Promise me you’ll live.”
A sob, a sniffle, and then [Tarot] said, “I promise, Mommy. I promise.”
“That’s my big girl. My good girl. You have stars in your eyes. Don’t ever forget that.”
A wing smacked me hard across the face. “Oh, you want to make this hard, do ya?” Wiggling as much as I could, I thumped my face against a metal flank. I thought I felt my steel-shod horn dig into something. “Take that! I’ll stop you, you bastard!”
Not as good as the time she tried to take on the Zodiacs with full-on jelly legs that couldn't support her weight for even a second, no magic (I think), and a spoon.
“I’m a super badass cyberpony, laid low by cold, air pressure, and dead batteries. There’s something reassuring about that,” I said around a mouthful of slobbery gemstones.
ARE YOU LISTENING, READERS? CAN WE CUT THE "SUE" CONVERSATION JUST A LITTLE BIT SHORT? I'M NOT MAKING HER INVINCIBLE, OR EVEN REALLY AN ALICORN. JUST CHILL THE FUCK OUT AND BE REASSURED BY THIS.
Oh, and it's something that's incredibly in-character for Blackjack, if less gut-punchingly so than taking the news she was pregnant as something to hold on to. This time it's that she didn't leave behind all her limitations; then, it was that she hadn't lost everything about being a pony.
Then, closing my eyes, I scribbled out the instructions. Lighthooves might think I was unconscious, but he also might be watching through my eyes right now.
which is why you probably shouldn't have talked about grabbing a targeting talisman from a missile or turret, out loud, just a minute ago.
>EC-1101 detected. Update routing data Y/N?
I stared at it as Rainbow Dash and Boo waited by the exit. “One second. I need to take care of something,” I said, and tapped the “Y” key. Once again I was treated to a digital light show as the information was transferred to my PipBuck. When the transfer ended, I saw that a navigation tag had been updated... but no matter which direction I turned, I couldn’t see where it was supposed to go. It said ‘Robronco HQ’, but... then I looked straight down and saw the little icon directly between my hooves.
You know, it's kind of weird that it didn't ever recognize Rainbow. But then, I guess there was some speculation early on that it might not accept a ghoul. Or was that the SPP? May have been both.
“I... I...” Rainbow Dash thumped my rump with a clank and got my brain to engage, “I need to speak to Doctor Morningstar.”
“Yes. Yes. What do you want?” she said in the most beautiful irritation I’d ever seen, and then she looked to the side. “No, that sample first, then those! And don’t drop it again!”
“D... doctor!?” I stammered.
Everybody's getting transformed, lately.
Rainbow Dash leaned in. “There may be another way. Get every pegasus you can and push Thunderhead away from the tower.”
“Who--” Striker began.
“Time, remember?” I stressed.
“You have seventy or eighty thousand pegasi. Thunderhead is ten miles away already. If you all fly pushing in the same direction, you might get clear.” She put a lot of emphasis on that ‘might’. “Eight hundred wingpower can drain a reservoir. Eighty thousand can certainly move a city.”
Well, it worked for all the non-Cloudsdale pegasus cities at the end of the war . . .
“Just do what you have to to bring this to an end. And Blackjack, I love you. No matter what you do or how you have to change, I love you. Just come back from this safely. Okay?”
Nice parting words, and surely a comfort for Blackjack right now, after her own repeated change.
Many looked stressed to the point of breaking, with shaking hooves and haunted stares. Many didn’t seem to have the full conversion others did, and I wondered if they’d been augmented against their will... thrown into the machine, cut to pieces, and made ‘stronger’.
Just enough for a kill switch?
Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I’m afraid that I’m pressed for time. The Enclave has attacked a helpless civilian target, and they shall pay dearly for it.
"Helpless," "civilian." Yeah, some of them would have anyway, and if nothing else there was already a lot of tension, but cut the crap.
He gestured with his head at the control room and stepped in, with me following. While his back was to me, I flipped open my PipBuck and pushed a button. If he spotted my movement, he didn’t say anything.
I'm kind of disappointed if she still needs to do that stuff manually. Hopefully she's just not learned the new features. Because, come on, it has to have a better interface option than that.
“As a descendant of Twilight Sparkle, I’m sure you can relate,” he replied, then smiled smugly. “Oh yes, I’ve done my own checks on you since we parted ways.” His eyes were calm, almost serene. Around the room, papers were thrown all over the floor. Tapes and memory orbs were cast across the controls like garbage.
“I can,” I said. “More than you know. I know that Twilight did some messed-up things, too. Ignored people she shouldn’t have. Hurt people she shouldn’t have.” I narrowed my eyes. “Though I have to give Mephitis credit. He committed atrocity on a whole other scale.”
Much smaller? Of course, I'm sure he finds the (abjectly heartless, cowardly, etc.) actions of his ancestor far more important than being a major pillar of the government and war effort, to say nothing of Twilight's role in the weapons that helped end the world, or the Trail of Broken Diamonds.
“You don’t know the whole story, Lighthooves. You don’t know about Dawn, Cognitum, or the Tokomare. You’re not the Princess… piece... thing on the board, you’re just a prawn too.
And what happens to prawns? They get eaten! Eaten by ponies like Rarity!
I’d forego burning off his cutie mark and branding him a Dashite. He didn’t deserve it.
No fucking shit. And I bet she'd be disgusted by the idea too. Wouldn't want to be associated with that more than she already is.
The cyberponies were falling apart. Without the lie of the nobility and necessity of this, the reality of what they’d sacrificed for him was coming home. I heard some ponies screaming in shock. Others wept, and some just sat there in stunned disbelief
Okay, do we have a record for most existential crises caused? Because I think Blackjack just made a good entry. Though I suppose Littlepip and blowing up the Goddess might end up above that.
“We can still kill him!” one yelled.
Another roared, “Let’s rip off the meat he’s got left!”
Lighthooves glared at me with utter hatred. “You did this. You all deserve this. Command: snapped strings.”
I suppose, in the sense that she could have just tried killing him herself, she might have been able to prevent that. But no, you self-important child, she didn't. That's on you.
“You betrayed us all!”
“Betrayal is a matter of perspective,” Lighthooves spat back.
Eugh. Yes, it kind of can be. But who really betrayed you? Certainly not Dash. Man, I think that Sanguine was more connected to reality after going feral than this asshole is. You know what he's been making me think of? Superboy Prime from Countdown, as related by Linkara.
The rolling missile slammed launcher seven and split, spewing more fuel across the launchers, the floor, and me.
Did I mention that the power cables snaking overhead sparked?
Yes.
He reared up and brought his forehooves to my face… and then the ends of his hooves opened like flowers, three fingers and a thumb springing from each.
That's a bit of a surprise. Guess he did some work to port over the sand dog model's capabilities there.
“Or we can find out how fireproof you are, Blackjack.”
That was why! And I’d have to move away from the launcher to get away from the flames. He might get a little toasty, but he wouldn’t go up like a candle; he’d certainly still be able to launch this missile. But I couldn’t hit him, either, and in a few seconds it would be academic... and my self-extinguishing skills would be tested. Finally, in both desperation and frustration, I reared back to strike; he just smirked smugly, ready to dodge once again.
My hooves fell on one of the barrels of lubricant, the cylinder rupturing and spraying us both with slippery black oil. “How fireproof are you?” I countered, grinning at him.
Smart.
“I didn’t do all of this just to give up. Not for you. Not for anypony,” he muttered as he pulled himself free.
“Come on,” I whined, still fighting to get myself up. “Let me do what I have to do. No more plague. No more missiles. And I might save Thunderhead, too.” I stared at him, begging him to accept.
Unfortunately, Blackjack is always staring now. I'm not sure he's noticed any change in expression, at least where the eyes are concerned.
Then I scooped up a load of snow between my hooves and packed it into a ball. “But if the battle for the future of the Enclave and the Wasteland comes down to a snowball fight, nopony is going to believe it.” Well, my friends might, but they were used to my... solutions.
He stared at the ball as I drew my hoof back ‘threateningly’, then let out a snort. Then I started to laugh as well. Somehow, I doubted that the history textbooks were interested in moments such as this.
The days around Christmas, 1914. Check and mate.
“I kill hundreds... maybe thousands... and you... Blackjack. Why are you doing this? Don’t you care?”
“Of course I care! I know you’ve done wrong. So have I. Things that I deserve to be killed for. But since then, I’ve taken every chance I’ve gotten to do better and improve the world. So I can’t just be an executioner,” I answered. “I think you should pay for what you’ve done… but there’s so much good you could still do. Killing you’s a waste. It’s not punishment. It’s what you want.” That made his smile slide away.
Or, of course, there's the possibility of him being arrested, tried, and then executed by an actual executioner. I don't know how much Blackjack would actually like that, but it's closer.
He connected the wires to the motor, and slowly the cradle began to rise. “One more. I just need one,” he said as he smiled at me. “Unless you kill me.”
“I’m not an executioner,” I muttered, but this time, the words didn’t feel noble. They sounded cowardly and hollow. He was helpless, crippled, and probably mortally wounded.
“There’s a first time for everything,” he said as the cradle tilted further and further. A few more feet and more death would fly. Killing one helpless, crippled enemy to save thousands. It shouldn’t be this hard...
The sound of metal piercing metal filled the air once more.
Slowly, I pulled my horn out of the machine that sat where his heart once lay, blood and cyberpony fluid washing down my face. The lift slowed, then halted.
I still feel really weird about this. The whole thing seeming like a false dilemma is still there for me; it seems far from obvious that she couldn't just restrain him or something, cut the wires outside of his chest, something. But anyway, in many ways what really matters is what Blackjack thinks. And given her situation, especially combined with what he's been doing and saying, it's not too hard to think that she just missed that point, especially with her narration. In which case, she's still not an executioner. Doesn't, I suppose, mean it's any easier for her.
He smiled, his skin cracking and sending blood dripping down the sides of his face. “What was on the piece of paper?” he whispered. “The one you kept showing everypony?”
I fished it out and showed it to him. His remaining eye widened as it passed over the fifteen letters that spelled out those four little words, and then he smiled in honest happiness. “It’s over...” he breathed. Then the red bar winked out.
For all the issues I had with Blackjack dealing with this kill, I may have originally missed that (after the horn stabbing) it was actually a pretty decent, if a little corny, death for Lighthooves. If nothing else, he does seem to care that the legacy of his ancestor will be destroyed. Doesn't change everything before, and the unhinged plan to use it to kill everyone, but leaving with just a little shred of integrity helps mitigate, if only slightly, his deranged collapse into complete madness. From a narrative perspective. And, unfortunately, even that integrity is mainly holding loyally to his sense of self-importance and entitlement. But it's something.
“Surrender. You are weaponless, outnumbered, and injured,” an officer barked.
That hasn't stopped her before. Including one time this chapter.
From somewhere outside I could hear the whir of a Raptor that was far too close. “You don’t have a chance,” he sneered.
“I don’t need a chance,” I replied, showing him the paper. “I have a megaspell.”
I'm not sure, but this one might just beat the jelly legs-and-spoon one from the Collegiate.
An orb of purple light flashed out from the middle of the tower, passing through everything as it expanded further and further. I had no idea how far it would go; I might have just killed the Hoof and all my friends in it.
Yeah, that's certainly a valid concern, and one that might have been better thought of before activating the megaspell.
The megaspell was something like three pages of almost uninterrupted scenery porn. It was excellent.
I stared up as the rolling gas cloud parted to reveal the bow and plasma cannons of a Raptor plunging at us, straight at us down into the gap between the buildings, its shattered dorsal propellers sheared away and its supporting storm clouds nothing but tatters. Its edges ripped and tore at the sides of the skyscrapers in a scream of metal as it descended. I made out the name, Hurricane, across its bow. As I lay there, only one thought passed through my mind before the ship struck.
Does that count as a boat?
Still a great ending, and darkly funny, too.
Icy Shake- Alicorn
- Posts : 1209
Brohoof! : 308
Join date : 2012-06-05
Age : 35
Location : Boston, MA
Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Icy Shake Tue Jan 13, 2015 12:34 am
- Chapter Sixty Two Part Two Overall Thoughts:
- There were a couple of major focus points in this section. The first was Blackjack's further augmentation, becoming a cyber-alicorn in the upgrade she made the strongest positive decision to go through, in contrast to the first round of augmentation while she was clinically dead or the reinforcing when she was down a limb or two and the call to move to a stronger model was made by Rover. This change bled through much of the section, both before and after it actually ocurred, due in part to it being closely tied with her pregnancy. Fairly early, there was a remark to Chicanery about him making her horny, which given the follow-up narration about feeling off and question to Boo about if she smelled funny suggest that she may have thought something hormonal was going on. At least, it functioned as a hint to the audience based on the previous establishment with Doof and (I think) Boomer that hormonal changes associated with estrus are something that can be smelled, and the pretty strong indication that Blackjack had already been through hers while at the Society.
Starting around that time were depictions of some of Lighthooves's cyberponies acting erratically (paranoia) or with dysphoria (guy obsessed with idea he lost his penis in the conversion while he really should have been paying attention to not getting killed). That lays some foundations in this chapter, in addition to those already set with Deus, Silver Stripe, Dawn, and herself, for her assertions to Twister that she shouldn't want to be a cyberpony. She goes over the mental and emotional toll it takes, and how it seems pretty common for cyberponies to change for the worse, with even her apparent stability due to lots of help from her friends and intensive psych treatment. Still, she was probably overplaying her hand, given that Silver Stripe's major problem was a physical one and came after two centuries of operation, and there was more to Deus's penchant for rape than it making him feel normal due to his genitals being the only part of him left unaltered.
That aside, she tries to make it to the top of the tower where the missiles are without anyone getting augmented. This proves to be impossible, as the situation greatly favors the defenders, and there isn't time for a slow push and winning through attrition. They can't go outside the tower either, since there's nobody who could fly Blackjack and Boo up, especially with the battle also going on outside. So Blackjack retreats to S.A.T.S. where she discusses what to do with the Dealer. This is one sacrifice she just doesn't want to make, even though she'd known already that if called to, she would. I think that it's somewhat comparable to the scene of Jesus praying that he might escape his fate, before being arrested; she knows that for her, there is only one decision, but indulges in a moment of halted time where she can imagine an alternative. But the Dealer spells out the choices: she can get the augmentations she needs to ascend the tower, or she can let the chips fall as they may, probably costing tens of thousands of lives.
Blackjack returns to the room where the conversions took place, and with the Dealer's help (since she needed a different model and he could guide the process), goes through with it. Because she needs to be immediately ready to continue, Blackjack undergoes the operation without anesthesia, having only Chicanery telling the story of how the Enclave was founded to keep her mind off of what was happening. The description of the process was well-done, with the parts about Blackjack's face and especially eyes being a focus for the whole thing. Probably the most impacting detail was when she could no longer shut her eyes to keep from seeing what was happening, as her face, and with it, her eyelids, had been removed; upon the completion of the surgery, one of her realizations was that she would never blink again, or shed tears. Towards the end, she receives another surpise: she's pregnant, despite her contraceptive implant. The technicians ask if she wants the embryo removed, but Blackjack insists she must keep it, even preparing to teleport out of the device not fully assembled if the flush couldn't be overridden.
After stepping out and, against the protests of Chicanery, looking at herself in the mirror, Blackjack snaps. She starts by destroying the conversion machine, and is about to continue with Boo, the only pony in the room not to run away, ready to kill her and just keep going until something managed to kill her. This was Blackjack in full Reaper mode, a reflection of Deus and Rampage in her hatred of the world for everything it had done to her and despair over her alienation from it. But Boo reached out and touched Blackjack's face, and spoke her name, which pulled Blackjack back to herself.
And from there the emotional focus on the change is mostly sidelined. She learns she's likely to miscarry, and the medics would have liked a surrogacy spell if possible. She finds the capabilities of the new body, particularly where flight is concerned. In a sense, she has these as two sources of reassurance that she's still a pony, one positive and one negative. Her pregnancy is a symbol to her of how she's still connected to biological pony life, and independent of that a chance to bring something into the world instead of taking things from it. The inability to fly for long without running out of power is a reminder that, beyond what she didn't lose, she didn't gain freedom from the limitations of being a unicorn, not entirely.
The other emotional focus of the chapter is Lighthooves, especially his confrontation with Blackjack. It was likewise built up to from the start of the section, as Blackjack was learning about him and piecing things together. It started with seeing news clippings, old bits of research Lighthooves had done as a colt trying to get his cutie mark. It was focused on Dr. Mephitis, and how he was an important player in the founding of the Enclave. Notably, it related how he provided intelligence that the surface was uninhabitable due to disease, including evidence from Yellow River, which he billed as a hospital rather than a prison camp. Then, Chicanery and his mother mentioned how he'd changed a year ago on coming home from the surface for the first time, seeming more zealous for Thunderhead's independence, yet hollow. Later on, when Blackjack was hearing the history of the Enclave's start from Chicanery, he mentions that Mephitis was his and Lighthooves's ancestor, which Blackjack immediately seized on. After reaching the top of the tower and being revived from being drained of power, Blackjack discussed him with Rainbow. There, she learned that he first came up with the idea of using the raider virus about a year before, after returning from his first trip to the surface. When Blackjack gets around to meeting Lighthooves, she gets him to talk (while she's broadcasting, of course). She covers the history, how he'd seen what really happened at Yellow River. He couldn't stand it, couldn't accept that the hero he was descended from was a coward and a murderer. Nor that the Enclave had used his lies to justify its isolation for two centuries, costing countless lives and so much misery on the surface. So he'd come up with a plan to expose everything, one that couldn't be covered up, and—especially after the Enclave, having found out about him working with the virus, praised the work and wanted to use it to exterminate pony life on the surface—bring down the Enclave. He'd generate a crisis, and set up Thunderhead as the hero, but the death of Councilor Stargazer cut that short: her replacement, Stratus, wouldn't have taken the actions Lighthooves needed him to. So he instead went on with his plan, altered so it would just kill everyone but the people of Thunderhead he had augmented. About that time, their fight begins in earnest, taking them to the floor where Lighthooves's people had heard everything, and were about ready to string him up. So he activated a kill switch to kill them all, and went on trying to launch the missiles himself. In the end, it's down to just him, crippled and probably mortally wounded already, and Blackjack. He's got one last chance to launch a missile, and insists that the only way to stop him is to kill him. And Blackjack does, impaling the machine that replaced his heart with her horn.
The delivery of this point is one that I'm pretty ambivalent about, and always have been. I think it's related to how Blackjack isn't a reliable narrator. It's not, I think, that she was lying to the audience, or to Lighthooves, but that sometimes she doesn't really put all the pieces together. Here, I don't think there was any particular indication that her only choice that could stop the launch of that last missile was to kill Lighthooves, and there wasn't anything indicating why she believed this. That's kind of mixed in with an implication that she believed what she was doing was an execution, but that's followed by narration about killing one to save thousands, which is the sort of thing she does all the time. Basically, it comes off as confused. In one sense, I suppose that might have been the point; she's been through a lot in the last hour or so, including some head trauma, and isn't exactly up to dealing with the manipulation Lighthooves is directing at her. But it's a situation where I personally found that the mixed signals and confusion worked against what seemed like it was trying to be a big, clear point, instead making it feel dulled. That said, there was a decidedly positive side which I may have overlooked in my original read-through due to the ending: the way Blackjack was trying to give him a chance to stop, to surrender, and to go on to be a better pony. And how, since he didn't take that and she (felt that she) had to kill him, she wasn't just failing herself and her self-image of not being an executioner (even though she didn't, really), but she failed him, personally, because even after everything, she needs to save everyone. It kind of comes back to one of her old catch-phrases, let me save just one, and the way she kept thinking it, no matter how many she saved, and meaning it every time.
Leaving that aside, though, I think it's worth mentioning how it's turned out that Lighthooves is almost a twisted parody of the Project Horizons pattern of monstrous antagonists with tragic backstories. Not like Brass, who had always been awful and never been a hero (but oh, she loved her cats). No, he had a little going on, but at such a great remove that it's like a bad joke. And he took that, the sudden knowledge that his reveared great-x grandfather was a fraud and a coward and a monster, that the Enclave was worse than he'd expected (though wouldn't he have heard some of that already from Rainbow?), and blew up what should have been a lesson in humility and perhaps a minor source of shame—as Blackjack said, something he could learn from and insist on doing better—and wrapped it up in so much self-importance and megalomania that he was going to murder everyone over it. And the way he becomes ridiculously unhinged from reality and basic reason when his fantasy is disrupted . . . it's really something. Where often the antagonists ended up inspiring some pity, all I have here is an overflowing reservoir of contempt and disgust. And a lot of that is that I just have to assume that if it hadn't been this to set him off, something else would have; someday, somewhere, something would disappoint his sense of personal glory and entitlement, and it would lead down a path much like the one he did travel. Because fundamentally, he ran afoul of one of Blackjack's major weaknesses, which she's been able to keep in check with the help of her friends: it's not all about you. And he was so utterly incapable of perspective that he thought the least pinprick to his self-image was worth mass murder.
A last note on Lighthooves is that the fight scene between him and Blackjack was intense and engrossing. It really got one of the things right that helps with that in late-stage Project Horizons: it made the stakes not about Blackjack, but her managing to defend someone or something else, in a way that would allow them to be lost without stopping the narrative. There may come a time when Blackjack's personal danger can be a really vital source of tension again, but a couple deaths already and a sense of the needs of what the story needs to keep moving limit the degree I can really feel worried over her physical safety and freedom.
Now to cover a few other things going on. Blackjack experiences a memory of Echo's, of him being bound to EC-1101 on the order of a paranoid Princess Luna. She wants him, if it is ever activated, to guide it back to her. If he doesn't, his mind and soul will wear away, which would be consistent with how he's gotten more ragged and weak over time. Also, given her creation, it's a potential indication he might be associated with Cognitum. In this scene, Luna also says that she's heard reports that Roam has been attacked by a megaspell. She insists that's impossible, as all of Equestria's megaspells are accounted for and ready to be activated. However, that would be consistent with how Jetsteam left Happyhorn Clinic with a targeting talisman, to place it in Roam on Garnet's order.
Blackjack finds out that there's a stable of hundreds in Shadowbolt Tower, and has them evacuate to Stable 99, joining Stronghoof and Crumpets's Steel Rangers. Similarly, Rainbow tries to get the remaining people of Thunderhead to push it away from the tower; with 70-80,000 pegasi, she thinks they might just be able to save the city from what's to come by moving it.
Rampage is little again, and has taken the Raptor Galeforce, intending to be an earth pony sky pirate. But she needs to choose between taking the stable ponies to 99 herself and being there when Blackjack's plan happens, a chance for death. She chooses to go with the Raptor. Also, Blackjack loses the starmetal sword.
After killing Lighthooves, Blackjack's plan, hinted at since the end of part one, comes to a head. It's an implosion megaspell, and when set off, draws Raptors, Shadowbolt Tower, and chunks of both the Core and Thunderhead into a tiny, dense ball surrounded by a vortex of matter, before the effect ended and it all fell to earth. Blackjack is alone in the Core with Boo, and the chapter and arc end with the Raptor Hurricane about to fall on her.
- Chapter Sixty Two Part Two Editing:
- ‘Princess Celestia sightings at S.P.P. hub dismissed as hoax,’ and ‘Doctor Mephitis
should that comma be a period like the others?
Chaser would be glad to hear that. “You see, he wants to fire
only one space after period
and an earth pony with a wrench: “We are strongest when we work together.”
should those be single-quotes?
but from their expressions that I picked out the Overmare.
cut "that" or add something so it's more like "but it was from their expressions that"
“Love you,” I said, then cut the connection. The knowledge that the bombardment wasn’t ‘as bad as it could be’ didn’t help in the slightest with the worry bubbling up inside me. We’d split up to keep each other safe, but safety proved the least sure thing of all right now.
Overmare Farsight was waiting for me to finish, so I cut the connection before I started blubbering
maybe get rid of one of the times she cut the connection, probably the first. Maybe replace with choking up or stopping short or something?
to the surface for the first time.” Chicanery added.
quotation should end with comma, have only one space after
here:
“I’m telling you, those hornheads are doing something down there!” a green stallion with white cyberaugmentation muttered. “There’s some kind of activity going on, and we should go check it out.” Without their augments matching their hide and with no hint of a seam or impression that the armor could come off, the transition from one to the other was a bit disturbing. Three of them were clustered at a junction, giving watchful looks down the side halls.
“Orders are orders. Next time those Neighvarro jackasses try and move up, we hit them from below. When they come at us, Fabrication will hit them from above,” a blue mare said sharply, then moved as if to touch an earbloom, but halted. She glanced over at a yellow stallion who pawed at his crotch. “What is wrong with you?”
“I’m not sure if I still have a penis,” he muttered.
(chapter 72):
“We don’t go by our old names,” the mare answered in that synthetic monotone. “I’m Silver. These are Cobalt and Steel.” She gestured to the two behind her with a nod of her head.
“I don’t have a penis, by the way,” said the one on the left, Steel. “Just so you know,” he added in a buzzing synthetic voice.
The other, Cobalt, covered her visor with a hoof.
Gender of the jittery one/Cobalt doesn't match. Was male in 62.1, called "her" in 72. Probably easier to make switch in 72, where that's the only reference to Cobalt.
I should be focusing on the fighting. I…” she rubbed her face.
should have second space after quotation, "she" should be capitalized
Course, that doesn’t help much, does it?”
apostrophe for "Course"
I had a disturbing sensation that I wouldn’t ever blink again.
I think that "sensation" isn't really the right word here; it doesn't have a "bad feeling about this" mode that I know of. Maybe something like "realization," "awareness," or "understanding"?
“Really?” I wanted to blink in surprise.
should have second space after quotation
Then she frowned at me and gestured behind her with a wing, “There’re stairs
comma should be period or speaking verb needed.
I wasn’t exactly sure how many surfaces I bounced off... four, at least, one of whom was a very surprised cyberpony,
I think that "whom" should be "which", since it's taking the place of a surface, which is an object rather than a person
Isn’t that right, Breakwind?” Rampage asked, squeezing her hooves. The battered green stallion cried out in pain.
“She can’t die! I disintegrated her myself, and she came back!” Crosswinds shouted wildly. “Twice!”
maybe move the bolded part to the start of the next paragraph, since that's where the focus/who is doing things shifts from Rampage to him
We’ll yank em right out of the turrets.
apostrophe for "em"
“She can talk?” Rampage goggled.
should have second space after quotation
I could see the top of Shadowbolt tower.
"tower" should be capitalized
Just a few.... it was so cold
ellipsis should have only three dots
have the authority to--” I silenced her as I raised
should have second space after quotation
“You’re a scary pony, you know that?” Rainbow Dash said with a shake of her head.
should have only one space after quotation
“D... doctor!?” I stammered.
capitalize second "d"?
She put on the Doctor’s, her, thick glasses and the effect snapped
"Doctor's" shouldn't be capitalized
“You know what I need?” I asked.
should have only one space after quotation
Blood spurted from their mouth as they jerked and shuddered.
"mouths"?
Cancelling my levitation, I fell like a ton of cyberpony.
"Canceling"
The groan grew into a wail as the building began to twist and warp before my eyes like a melting candle.
comma after "eyes"
- Other Editing:
- 17:
and belched out another Mechasprite that was rust
"Mechasprite" shouldn't be capitalized
They immediately tossed dozens of apple grenades into the swarm; bright blue bands flashing brightly as the shock grenades scrambled the magic animating the machines.
I'd suggest changing "flashing" to "flashed" or the semicolon to a comma. also, it might be worth deleting changing to a synonym one of the cases "bright"
18:
“Yeah, well, I bet you he’s getting--”
I threw a tin can at the back of her head, glancing at Thorn.
Is that something Roses or Glory could do instead of Blackjack (or something analogous)? I don't especially see Blackjack (or, for that matter, P-21) as getting worked up about a kid hearing speculation about a BJ or whatever.
“Tea,” I muttered slowly as I took the steaming cup. “I’m drinking a letter?”
I think in this case "Tea" should also be in single-quotes
there’s nothing you can do to--“
inverted quotation mark
His voice raised higher.
I think that since it's the voice raise/rise-ing (itself, without a reflexive pronoun as an object), it should be "rose"
19:
“You look pensive, uncle,” a voice rasped
"uncle" should be capitalized
Along the opposite wall were monitors showing the evolution of the terminals and PipBucks. The first were room-sized monsters. Then desk sized, like many maneframes we’d run across
terminals and main/maneframes aren't the same thing (and the size of maneframes seen so far, as far as I can tell on a quick check). I'd suggest cutting the "maneframes" in the third sentence so that it's comparing terminals there to terminals they'd run across.
Still, I took it and opened the door. As I stepped in,
three spaces after period
“Deal.” Hopping off the crates she
three spaces after quotation
her down into the earth. The assembled ponies
three spaces after period
once more in my chest, I don’t know what
two spaces after comma
“You…” and like in ruins of Sugarcube Corner I watched as her face turned from glee into an expression of fear.
"and" should be capitalized
Wait.. .my tail… I took cover
first ellipsis is split (should be three dots then space)
20:
Unless miss big purple horn had a magical location spell, and I wouldn’t put it past her if she did, we’d have to go out or they’d have to come in.
suggest to change bolded part to "and I wouldn't put it past her" or "and I wouldn't put it past her to have one"
“Get ready to jump out!” I yelled.
should have only one space after quotation
“Thanks Ditzy! I owe you a new canopy.”
comma after "Thanks"
30:
“Not Celestium or Big Machintoshium…”
"Macintoshium"?
“It’s so… so…” she murmured, then
should have only one space after quotation
31:
A manticore swept in and she leapt up to meet it, using her weight to flip it over in mid air.
"midair" not "mid air"
pulled herself off the carcass. “Rampage, I--“
inverted quotation mark
I gestured for Lacuane and Glory to move away too.
"Lacunae"
even drank a little Rad-Away for good measure.
"RadAway"
ganglion is a well established pressure point weakness exploitable by the very few knowledgable of the
"well-established", "knowledgeable"
I lost my focus, the riotgun clattering down beside me
"riot gun"
the Oath dictates--“ the white pony said before
inverted quotation mark
Fillies, Burners, Reapers… did it matter any more?
"anymore"
Already I was missing the last time I had wonderous hot water
"wondrous"
well have been asking ‘You’re not angry
should have only one space after "asking"
but she shook her head slowly. “P-21 can--“
inverted quotation mark (second)
um… pillow...fight?
should have only one space after first ellipsis
apparently it was the cyrogenics lab
"cryogenics"
Actually, it looked as if the entire lab had been made of wax and then heated just enough to distort but not not enough to melt completely
repeated "not"
and then I saw the pony standing in
extra space after "saw"
32:
manticores… all of them dangerous
should have only one space after ellipsis
I was dying, and even if I found out where
should have only one space after comma
She loves it when you nibble on--“
inverted quotation mark
I must inform her of this. My oath--“
inverted quotation mark
We have to get below decks! Before--“
inverted quotation mark
“Rad-Away, gimme!”
One dose of Rad-Away later, I was stabilized, though
“I need some Rad-Away, bad…”
“We have any more Rad-Away?”
I looked at Glory as she tried to convince Scotch to drink the Rad-Away.
"RadAway"
But each slash spattered us with rainbow ichor, and the rends healed,
"rents"
being sucked in and then let out all at once
extra space between "and" and "then"
putting a BB gun on a tank,” P-21 said archly.
should have only one space after quotation
That was a threat I understood: a great big cyberbony who wanted to rob me, rape me, and kill me.
"cyberpony"
It’s an Archer 16, based off an early model of the IF-86… Useful against bloodwings, manticores, crawlers, and goyles
apostrophe for "goyles"?
“Scotch!” Glory shouted.
should have only one space after quotation
I’d need P-21 to… woah.
"whoa"
I appreciated that.
extra space between "appreciated" and "that"
“Eyes Forward Sparkle,” he finished in a grave tone.
should have only one space after quotation
42:
AM rifles, danging by its strap from a twisted bit
"dangling"
At first glance, I wondered if it were some sort of base… but it didn’t look quite right
should "were" be "was"?
47:
flipping in mid air and dropping like a spiked cannonball into the midst of the guards.
"midair" not "mid air"
I nearly cried out in pain, and Silver Spoon shouted, “Stop!
should have only one space before quotation
Good jo-“ I began to say as she
second hyphen for dash, inverted quotation mark
The pain--“ he muttered as he
inverted qutoation mark
you don’t have to--“ I began, but
inverted quotation mark
For the Glory of Equestriiiiiiiizzzzk--“
inverted quotation mark
“Shield!” I shouted as they opened up with
should have only one space after quotation
without the effects of the the apocalypse and two
repeated "the"
I won’t use them,” Nurse Graves
extra space after quotation
The acidic ooze sent psudeopods snaking into the crushed
"pseudopods"
a little too late to count as self defense.
"self-defense"
a sad smile as she held a keyring in her mouth
"key ring"
“Ayep,” Big Machintosh said in his even, confident voice
"Macintosh"
I lay back, levitated the jar, and gave it a tenative sniff.
"tentative"
connecting the wires danging from the base of the
"dangling"
The turqouise unicorn gave the tiniest little shrug.
"turquoise"
Xanthe gave a litte scream and Stygius jumped to his hooves in alarm.
"little"
Am I just somethng that grew out of Twist’s corpse?
"something"
58:
That weapon swung around to where the minigun’s bullets had disappeared in mid air and blasted the blue vessel with an antipersonnel round.
"midair" not "mid air"
62.1:
briefed on the boarding operation--“
inverted quotation mark
Just as you did Stargazer and Strat--“
inverted quotation mark
The general scowled at Rampage, “You are--“
inverted quotation mark (second)
This is outrageous. The Enclave cannot--“
inverted quotation mark
She needs to be briefed on the boarding operation--“
inverted quotation mark
62.1:
With an annoyed look, she whirled as well, wrapped her barbed tail around the cyberbony’s face,
"cyberpony"
“Galeforce, Blizzard, and Afterburner have weapons aligned with us,” a mare intoned, her voice numb.
Afterburner is the name of the captain: that should be Sirocco
65:
hunks of flesh morphed mid-air into horrid flapping bird-bat
"midair" not "mid-air"
66:
I hadn’t hadn't put much work in further back than his cannons
repeated "hadn't"
jet black with red, dragon-pupilled eyes and a powerful,
"pupiled"
69:
And what I wanted to say was that Rain– I mean, Mare Do Well has spotted the Blizzard and Sirroco to the southwest over the Luna Space Center.
"Sirocco"
71:
Lionheart, Silver Belle, and the curious pink-eyed mouse lodged
it's "Silver Bell"
Icy Shake- Alicorn
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