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[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Retl on Mon Mar 31, 2014 12:20 am

I'm enjoying it thus far, but still haven't finished. 3:04:51 / 3:52:27. Off of the top of my head, there's at least three things that press my fun buttons in particular.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by RoboRed on Mon Mar 31, 2014 12:52 am

Emotionally nerve-wracking, but great.

------------------
Aonee wrote:
jacky2734 wrote:((Aonee, don't make me invent a way to punch you over the internet.))
((If you do, I will invent a Korean technique to block it with someone else's face. And, construct more pylons.))

CamoBadger wrote:((Wow, zebra incest is powerful shit))

Mister Frost's friend, "Darren" wrote:"I'm scared to break up with her, though. Her dad's an ex-marine; if I make her cry he'll club me over the head with a pillowcase full of doorknobs and Tom Clancy novels."

Sindri wrote:This is a thread for fans of a fanfiction of a fanfiction about murderous miniature pastel equines in a grimdark post-apocalyptic future.
If you wanted to stay anywhere near socially acceptable, you should have taken a left turn about three layers of WTF back.

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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Retl on Mon Mar 31, 2014 1:35 am

Finished Chapter But Lost Response Post:

"00:54 <Retl> That chapter did not end quite like I expected. o.o interesting"
I rambled on and on for about half an hour in the quick reply bot, accidentally click on someone's profile link, clicked the back button, and found all of it wiped ot. So points going from memory:

I liked the fluid processor in the bots and all the roboty bits and the holography and shiny glowy magic stuffs. Good fun. I wonder if Applebot has the same fluid processor. Good fun ideas there.

I like this interpretation of Discord. He makes me laugh sometimes.

Echo's death made me feel a little sad. The more direct feeling of loss in that they were kinda *just talking* and then died. But I suppose that brings to mind some of the same reason I still feel unhappy when I reread/relistento Scootle's death. Or however the frig her name is spelled.

Yay, more Rampage! Well until the whole dying thing. Maybe there'll be a bunch of tribute pornarts drawn aftewards. Also, the word balloon came up again. Yay! Popping too! Yay!

I got kinda confused at the point with the holograms and stuff, partly because I was playing a videogame while listening. I'm not completely sure if everyone dying horribly in mass was a projection of what could be, or what was occuring as she witheld the password. Though from the way she was responding, I'm guessing it was actually occuring. Oh well. Every living thing dies sometime... Though also sometimes they get better, too, so... And then there's the whole complication with ghouls in the mix.

The moment Scotch came up I was reminded that I never did get around to drawing screwdriver funtime. Oops. One of these days, I definitely want to.

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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by SilentCarto on Mon Mar 31, 2014 2:46 am

Chapter 65 Commentary:

Times like this really highlighted for me how surreal my life really was at this point.
Nice summation, there. I almost feel like starting a "Stable Pony Problems" meme.

Boo?  Discord?  I wanted a time out for some notes or something...
You and me both, BJ. I've been noodling this for weeks, and every 'probably' just spawns more 'ifs'.

She raised a hoof, twitched it, twitched it again, and then stared at it a moment.  “Oh snap…”
Er... is Legate protected against his magic, or is Discord suddenly realizing he's unable to snap when he's in Boo? Because he hasn't had any trouble protecting her with happenstance up until now...

“Well, I suspect it’s because I have this nasty itty bitty little habit of…” Boo began, tapping her hooves together sheepishly.
“Being an insufferable, conniving, degenerate wretch!” roared the zebra.
Of screwing up his plans, century after century? Heh...

“Coyotl?” Rampage asked in confusion.  I nodded tersely and she continued, “It is my people’s name for the one you call Discord.  Coyote.  The Trickster.”
Hold on a minute!
*drink drink* *SPIIIIIT*

If you took Project Steelpony and Project Chimera, you could have a mass-produced army of utterly loyal automatons.  And there had been a zony in charge of that project…
Oh... oh crap. And BJ's eyes have been feeding data to someone, somewhere...

Not that she wasn’t getting some licks in.  As we raced towards them, he struck out with a double hooved stomp that would have crushed Boo if he'd landed it.  Instead, after rolling aside, it found the end of a flat tipped shovel.  The handle flashed up, smashing the stout wooden handle across the Legate’s skull helmet.
Pfffthahaha! I'll bet being made a fool makes Vitiosus even more

The Legate stood smugly.  “A simple disruption of your body’s biorhythms and connection to your soul.  The imbalances build and resonate until–”  He reached out and poked the stricken mare’s chest.  Suddenly her whole body spasmed and seemed to compress all at once.  Her mouth opened in a silent scream, and blood erupted from her maw.
So... he's got the Hoof of the North Star?

Instead, her hooves swapped and grabbed the leg in a hooflock that was familiar to me.  “You have the right to shut the fuck up or die, you sick son of a mule!”
I love this tag-team style-swapping. XD

“Rampage, he’s got a phoenix talisman too.”
Welp, that's confirmation at last... pity to waste that bypass bullet, though.

I couldn’t trust her now; ending her life was the most precious thing to her.  “Well, thank you for your intentions.”  I turned my back on her.  “Goodbye,” I said softly.
...
All my learning had gotten me was misery.  Right now…  I wished that I could have been just as ignorant now of my friend as I had been about everything else so many weeks ago.
It would have hurt so much less...
Is there a word for an event that you felt was inevitable but you still feel bad when it happens?

“Don’t you want to question me about something?” Discord asked, her voice teasing and high, obnoxiously probing for a reaction I was in no mood to give.
Is Boo still speaking in her usual voice? I'm trying to reconcile Discord's delivery with Boo's voice, and it's... difficult.

She blinked.  “Imma here Bwackjack,” she said, her eyes suddenly pale before giving me a nuzzle.  “Imma sowwie I didn’t tell.  He say it was a secret.”  Her ears flopped in worry.
Huhhh. So that suggests that Discord has been upgrading base-Boo and mostly just guiding her, rather than strictly possessing her up until now. Interesting.

“Who knows?  Maybe Twilight said the wrong thing in one of her letters.  Perhaps Princess Grumpypants woke up on the wrong side of the bed.  Maybe they didn’t sing one of their annoyingly cute pony songs on key.  Whatever it was, instead of Twilight becoming an Alicorn, she remained an ordinary mare.  Instead of Equestria being a folksy land with a few cities and lovely pastoral countryside, there was a consumer culture with a rampant thirst for coal.  Instead of love and tolerance, you had hate and suspicion.”
Maybe it had something to do with that big rock under Hoofington.

“Boo is unique.  Precious.  An individual.  Why, she’s growing her own soul and everything.  And she’s as immortal as I am.  Plus she sees things as they really are, which is probably why she loves you no matter how scary you become.”
Woah. Well. That's. Huh.

“Now THERE’S an idea!”  She beamed.  “Emperor Boo!  Ruling the wasteland with my army of…” her face twisted up, and Boo’s pale eyes returned as she scowled.  “Stoppit Discowd!  Imma not gonna be bad!  Imma gonna be like Bwackjack!”
Well now. That's even more. Huh.
Somepony could give Fluttershy a run for her money in the 'leashing Discord' department.

“This whole city is a testament to unchanging corruption and stagnation, to what happens when order goes too far.  And that’s not even mentioning what’s under it…”
I'm an appreciator stories that cast excessive order as a bad thing. Proceed.

Heh, this reminds me of an old theory of mine: the Eater of Souls is a powerful force for order, which drew an equally powerful spirit of chaos to Equestria. But the Eater was quiescent at the time, so Discord was too much chaos for ponykind to bear, and he had to be sealed away.

The barb was attached to a creature resembling a scorpion, if someone who had never seen a scorpion before had been given a vague description of one and had been so taken with the general idea of it that they’d hastily rushed to build the biggest scorpion of all time... and had neglected such trivial things as proportion, symmetry, and checking their work for errors.
That is beautiful. XD
The wordplay, I mean, not the creature.

The red mound twitched rhythmically, and then a half dozen eyes bubbled open.
Two fleshy tendrils sprouted, wrapping around my neck and horn, and as it pulled itself closer, a large mouth filled with toothy protrusions snapped at what little face I had left.  “You have got to be kidding me!”  I shouted, reaching up with my hands and tearing it away.  The meaty mass quivered under my metal fingers before I ripped it into two halves, then smashed them to paste against the case. “There... done!” I said, staring at the red goo in my hands.
The goo quivered and formed tiny mouths that snapped at me.  I stared for three seconds, then flung it off the side of the train!  “I quit!  I quit I quit I quit!  Undying flesh is where I draw the line!”
And up the ante! XD Uh... um... fire! We need total tissue destruction! Fire, incineration beams, plasma, something like that?

I could kiss Discord so hard her hooves would… wait… no.  That’d be weird.  A hug would suffice.
Ahahaha! Well, it wouldn't be the first time she kissed Discord, actually...

Still, I fell into a moment of peace.  Shoot.  Jump.  Kick.  Blast.  Run.  Dive.  Reload.  Grab.  Smash.  Shoot.  Toss.  Smile.  Retreat.  Lunge.  Cast.  Shoot.  Block.  Twist.  Stomp.  Twist.  Reload.  Shoot.  Laugh.
It's good to see an artisan enjoying her craft.

I was no Rainbow Dash in the air.  More like an Air Macintosh.
New Headcanon Acquired: A shoe company in Hoofington made Air Macintosh sneakers.

If I ever saw that snaggle-toothed son of chaos again out of Boo’s body, I’d give him a kiss that’d make his antler... horn... – whatever! – pop right off.
Quest Perk added: Kissed by Blackjack

I’m still waiting for my sister to join me... and horrified she will...”  She hung her head mournfully.
...
“Who are you?”  I murmured as tears ran down my eyes.
"Someone who knows what it’s like to deserve to hurt,” she replied in a whisper, the light fading out around us.
Wait wait wait. Teal eyes... sister that either hasn't died or wasn't caught by the Eater... that wasn't Luna, was it? It shouldn't be... the Eater of Souls should be able to eat Luna, right? Because she's a piece of the star it ate before? Or did Luna and Celestia escape being consumed because they were... somehow unpalatable? Mortal souls endowed with celestial power? But I'm still working on the assumption that Luna was the soul being tortured in the Tokomare that so horrified BJ. (I had an alternate theory that it was the EoS itself, but the voice from the pit sort of put paid to that idea.)

It's odd that she mentioned both Echo and Lacunae. Echo hasn't been in circulation for 200 years, and Lacunae didn't exist until after the apocalypse. So unless Echo introduced himself, one ghost to another, I can't imagine who this would be...

And how can a soul mote send help, anyway?

The mottled, horrifying visage of an abomination pony met my eyes.  It only had one eye, a maroon orb on the left side of its face.  Only the fact that my EFS was blue kept my magic bullets in check.  Another one behind it, with vestigial membranous wings, held a second gem in a mustache made of a brush of tendrils.  There were more behind those,  each holding a small gemstone.
Okaaay, color me tremendously creeped out... are these soul motes in control of bits of undying flesh? Or have some of the liquefied residents of Hoofington managed to pull themselves back together?

If they're motes inhabiting bodies of ew-flesh, I suppose that would explain how a ghost could call for help. One mote to another.

Every now and then, one would misstep and tumble, coming apart like wet roadapples.  A mote of light escaped and wandered away.  The bloody goop would form spiders, or scorpions, or other skittering things that I occasionally had to splatter with Boomstick.  Once, I watched as a mote slipped into a puddle of bloody goo which then coalesced into a tiny weird griffin.
I guess that answers that.

“She has the knack for that sort of thing.  It really is a useful perk for arriving just in the nick of time and save the day.  Quite aggravating.”
Blackjack is someone else's Mysterious Stranger.

There were also dozens, perhaps hundreds, of crates of weapons, ammo, chems, and body armor.  Enough for a small army.  Shaky foundations and lots of explosives?  Even I could see the potential...
Almost as good as keeping a nuke in your basement!

Five glass jars were arranged on the left side, each one shrouded in shadow cast by the machine, and a sixth sat next to a small wrought iron table.
Oh, that's not promising at all...

Within was the prone form of a yellow, emaciated earth pony who was barely breathing.  “Oopsie.  Wrong jar.”
Oh, hell. Echo...

“Ah, Horse!” she said gaily, a broad smile on her face.  The crane whirled and deposited another jar.  In it was what appeared to be a skinned pony.  Bare, sightless, emasculated.  I got the impression of looking at an adult-sized fetus.
Well, I guess he's definitely not the one in the Redoubt, then. I kind of suspected his own creation would have turned on him.

I’m sure he’d be more than happy to help transfer your soul to a new container, or back to an old one.”  I frowned at that last part.  Back to an old one?
Old one?... does she have the lopped-off pieces of BJ's old body? Those should have been in Tenpony Tower, well outside of her reach.

I can't help but wonder if there might be some way for BJ to sabotage her body before handing it over to Cogs.

“Yes, she did,” Cognitum said as the crane returned with the fifth jar.  “But she’d viewed them first.”  The jar dropped from the ceiling.  Within floated a much smaller unicorn.  Cables ran from the top of the jar down to her shaved scalp, where cybernetic plugs had been drilled in.  “I simply access them directly.”
Oh. My. Fuck. You probably could have come up with a more convincing argument than this freakshow of horrors, you know.

“I’m sorry, Blackjack,” Dealer whispered miserably in my ears, “but I don’t want to die.”
Suddenly, words flashed across my vision: Command Override: Cut Strings.
Crap.
I was wondering when he'd come up.

“I regret to say that a blank is incapable of carrying a foal to term.  Perhaps a blank could be used as an incubator for a foal nearly ready for birth, but blank reproductive systems lack proper hormonal regulation for pregnancy.  A fetus implanted this early would miscarry long before birth.”
Double crap...

“Now,” Cognitum said with my old mouth as the Sweetie Bot stood as still and lifeless as a statue, “Are you ready to work with me?”
The True Maiden of the Stars. Looks like Legate gets his fight, and I'm rooting for both sides to lose.

Uh. Except for that rather precious cargo Cogs is still carrying.

I now had enough blood to appreciate the sensation of it running cold.  “You were Applebot.”  The robot went dead again, and my old body nodded.  “But why?”
There is no curse in Elvish, Entish, or the tongues of men for this... treachery!

Suddenly the scrolling blocks of code and symbols vanished, replaced by a single static line with a blinking prompt below it.  ‘Enter Password’
Cognitum froze with all the abruptness of a mare on the edge of climax getting doused in ice water.  Her head twitched back and forth.  “What is this?  Password?  What password?  What is going on?”
Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

There was a resounding clang as Cognitum popped her hands out, grabbed Steel Rain, and threw the silver-armored stallion to the ground.  With cold contempt, she said softly, “Never, ever, suggest such a thing again.”
This reaction seems rather at odds with the horrors she's inflicted on Horse, Charm, and Dawn. But, hey, crazy computer.

“Goldenblood commandeered Horse’s mechasprites and sent them to the moon on a clandestine rocket to build a facility and to collect and fuse moonstone into a projectile massing several hundred thousand tonnes.  With a few more secret launches of Flux to fire it...”
What.

WHAT.

You built a space gun on the Moon big enough to launch a mountain?!

I had always dismissed that idea simply because it would be impossible to build covertly and the launch would be insanely costly. But then mechasprites and flux. Damn. Just... damn.

“Biomatter.  A byproduct of the Tokomare’s Enervation field.  The cell structure defies analysis, but it’s an organic soup similar to the tissue of ghouls, neither dead nor truly alive.  It will be flushed once the Core is restored,” she said with a disdainful sniff.
Wait, you're telling me this thing creates zombie flesh when it generates power? That crap isn't people liquefied by the Enervation, but something that just oozes out of the fucking starmetal itself?!

Whaaaaat the fuuuuuuuuuck?!

Tom – that’s what the moonstone projectile is named, for some reason – will fuel a complete restoration of the Core.
Ah. Okay. Guess that makes "sense".

In the center of the platform was a strange, vaguely familiar design etched in the metal floor plates: a circle with a six-pointed star in the middle.  Six unicorns, one standing at each point, were trying to keep a ball of brilliant white contained in the middle.  Green lighting from their horns raked across it, forcing it back whenever it drifted.  The black robes they wore were a little much.
Yyyyeah... I'm betting that's Luna's soul.

I felt something moving through me, searching for something integral to myself.  Not my soul, precisely, but linked to it.  I could feel it on a fundamental level, like my baby moving within me in my old body.  The dark violation found that something, and I felt a tear inside.  Instinctively, I glanced down at my flank and saw the twin cards fade from view.
I have completely lost the ability to even.

A snap cracked through the air, and Dawn disappeared in a flash, the spear clanging to the plates.  Cognitum whirled as a male laugh echoed softly in the cavernous space.  “Who’s there?” she demanded of the air.
“You’re doing it wrong,” the voice said.  “I have to start it off like this: ‘knock knock’?”
Oh, hell yes. Does that mean something here recharged Discord? Or is this his one final trick?

   “What?” I gasped, sitting up a little and staring at the glow.  Maybe it was having organic eyes again, or maybe it was Discord’s presence, but as I stared, I detected something within the mote.  Something beautiful and wonderful and mysterious.  Dark, but not the bubbling evil that had been inflicted on me before.  It was glorious and terrible, and I couldn’t tear my eyes away as I beheld it.
The soul of princess Luna.
Knew it!  Twilight Sparkle 

“Fools!  Fools!  All of you, fools!  I am the Queen of the Night!  And this world is mine!” she crowed, her wings spreading as her red and black magic mane and tail snapped in the air behind her.  “Bow before my greatness!”
Huh. So that was his one last trick, and it doesn't seem to have slowed her down much... but, hey, guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens, because Discord did seem to know what he was doing with all that...

Amadi.
“What?!  How are you...” I screamed at the top of my lungs, rising to my hooves as I gestured at him.  “But you!  You’re the Legate!  And why–  And she’s the Maiden!  But she–  And you’re friends?!”  I waved my hooves at them both.  “What the hay is going on here?”
Okay, I take back all my reasons that the Legate isn't Amadi. Celestia damn it. This is gonna suck.

“Project Horizons Command AI,” the voice rasped.
Goldie, you magnificent bastard...

“I must go reunite with Blackjack’s friends. Tell them what we need to do. The Luna Space Center may still retain something useful.”
Yeah, that ruse will last, what, two seconds?

Footnote: >Start New Game: Y/N?
Pfft, we passed Game Over like thirty chapters ago.

I'm sure I'll post a ton of further thoughts over the next week. For now, I'm just going to let this all simmer.

Editing:


Apologies if any of these are dupes -- it's nearly 2am and I'm not bothering to reload the doc and double-check the errors.

The stairs had led to a basement, just as preserved as the rest of the building.
It isn't necessary to put this in past-perfect tense. Just "The stairs led to a basement..." should work fine.

“Imma here Bwackjack,” she said, her eyes suddenly pale before giving me a nuzzle.
Comma after "pale".

Oh don’t give me that.  I’m a spirit of chaos.
Comma after "Oh".

I mean even besides what happened to me, there was so much waste of potential and material for amusement...
Comma after "mean".

Not a major quake but somehow much more disconcerting.
Comma after "quake".

That was putting it mildly.  I wondered if he knew, specifically, what Luna had done.  Before I could ask, he was continuing in a nattering rush.
You've been using "she" for Biscord all this time. Couple of occurrances of "he" here.

War is the worst kind of chaos to begin with regardless!
Comma after "with".

She closed his eyes.
Uh... if this was deliberate, I would say, "She closed Discord's eyes".

For a moment, he was oddly serious.
She.

He suddenly leaned over, grinned, and rubbed a hoof in my mane.  I glared at him, and he pulled back and coughed.
She, her, she.

And while Penance was an exquisite firearm, it wasn’t the most ideal weapon for use against a swarm of opponents.
I would strike "most" here. "Ideal" is a superlative, like "best" -- you wouldn't say "most best".

The pincer hand reached up, grabbed a flatbed, and flung it at me like a giant sail, pummeling me with a rain of metal containers.
Sail? That's a very odd simile. I don't think sails are particularly good for flinging.

I ran away from the abomination as in continued its barrage.
It

Countless amounts of materiel were being lost down the hole.
"Countless amounts" seems like a weird combination. What is an "amount"? The units should be something countable, like "rounds", "crates", or even "bits' worth of".

“But why?” I asked as my daughter gave  a little burp, and didn’t vomit down my back for a change.  Mom’s suggestion to add a little rice to the milk had worked after all.  “But why?  Why does it draw you here?”
Was the doubled "But why?" deliberate?

But yet it craves us and keeps us trapped within this place.
And yet.

“Someone who knows what it’s like to deserve to hurt,” she replied in a whisper, the light fading out around us?.
Excess question mark there.

“Or, I daresay she’ll be around soon enough.  When it’s dramatically appropriate,” Discord replied, her voice echoing softly in the tunnels.
Oh, I

She waved a hoof dismissively, “Well fear not, Boo will come to no harm with me.”
Period after "dismissively", comma after "Well".

The air above us shimmered and ghostly holograms filled the room.  I recognized Horse and the slew of other visitors trying on the shimmery, golden-threaded and gemmed cap.  “That day, when Horse was showing of his latest innovation, the cap happened to land on the head on one mare who attended the meeting in disguise.”
Technically speaking, Cogs should have no idea that BJ knows about that event. It was a memory orb she saw while the Goddess was driving. This should be written as if BJ didn't know what she was seeing.

Not only did I have many secrets he could exploit, but he found me a most desirable surrogate.
Surrogate instead of... what? I suspect you had a different word in mind.

“I simply access them directly.”
Accessed

I felt my ribs creek.
Creak
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by O. Hinds on Mon Mar 31, 2014 3:12 am

SilentCarto wrote:
Chapter 65 Commentary:

Times like this really highlighted for me how surreal my life really was at this point.
Nice summation, there. I almost feel like starting a "Stable Pony Problems" meme.

Boo?  Discord?  I wanted a time out for some notes or something...
You and me both, BJ. I've been noodling this for weeks, and every 'probably' just spawns more 'ifs'.

She raised a hoof, twitched it, twitched it again, and then stared at it a moment.  “Oh snap…”
Er... is Legate protected against his magic, or is Discord suddenly realizing he's unable to snap when he's in Boo? Because he hasn't had any trouble protecting her with happenstance up until now...

“Well, I suspect it’s because I have this nasty itty bitty little habit of…” Boo began, tapping her hooves together sheepishly.
“Being an insufferable, conniving, degenerate wretch!” roared the zebra.
Of screwing up his plans, century after century? Heh...

“Coyotl?” Rampage asked in confusion.  I nodded tersely and she continued, “It is my people’s name for the one you call Discord.  Coyote.  The Trickster.”
Hold on a minute!
*drink drink* *SPIIIIIT*

If you took Project Steelpony and Project Chimera, you could have a mass-produced army of utterly loyal automatons.  And there had been a zony in charge of that project…
Oh... oh crap. And BJ's eyes have been feeding data to someone, somewhere...

Not that she wasn’t getting some licks in.  As we raced towards them, he struck out with a double hooved stomp that would have crushed Boo if he'd landed it.  Instead, after rolling aside, it found the end of a flat tipped shovel.  The handle flashed up, smashing the stout wooden handle across the Legate’s skull helmet.
Pfffthahaha! I'll bet being made a fool makes Vitiosus even more

The Legate stood smugly.  “A simple disruption of your body’s biorhythms and connection to your soul.  The imbalances build and resonate until–”  He reached out and poked the stricken mare’s chest.  Suddenly her whole body spasmed and seemed to compress all at once.  Her mouth opened in a silent scream, and blood erupted from her maw.
So... he's got the Hoof of the North Star?

Instead, her hooves swapped and grabbed the leg in a hooflock that was familiar to me.  “You have the right to shut the fuck up or die, you sick son of a mule!”
I love this tag-team style-swapping. XD

“Rampage, he’s got a phoenix talisman too.”
Welp, that's confirmation at last... pity to waste that bypass bullet, though.

I couldn’t trust her now; ending her life was the most precious thing to her.  “Well, thank you for your intentions.”  I turned my back on her.  “Goodbye,” I said softly.
...
All my learning had gotten me was misery.  Right now…  I wished that I could have been just as ignorant now of my friend as I had been about everything else so many weeks ago.
It would have hurt so much less...
Is there a word for an event that you felt was inevitable but you still feel bad when it happens?

“Don’t you want to question me about something?” Discord asked, her voice teasing and high, obnoxiously probing for a reaction I was in no mood to give.
Is Boo still speaking in her usual voice? I'm trying to reconcile Discord's delivery with Boo's voice, and it's... difficult.

She blinked.  “Imma here Bwackjack,” she said, her eyes suddenly pale before giving me a nuzzle.  “Imma sowwie I didn’t tell.  He say it was a secret.”  Her ears flopped in worry.
Huhhh. So that suggests that Discord has been upgrading base-Boo and mostly just guiding her, rather than strictly possessing her up until now. Interesting.

“Who knows?  Maybe Twilight said the wrong thing in one of her letters.  Perhaps Princess Grumpypants woke up on the wrong side of the bed.  Maybe they didn’t sing one of their annoyingly cute pony songs on key.  Whatever it was, instead of Twilight becoming an Alicorn, she remained an ordinary mare.  Instead of Equestria being a folksy land with a few cities and lovely pastoral countryside, there was a consumer culture with a rampant thirst for coal.  Instead of love and tolerance, you had hate and suspicion.”
Maybe it had something to do with that big rock under Hoofington.

“Boo is unique.  Precious.  An individual.  Why, she’s growing her own soul and everything.  And she’s as immortal as I am.  Plus she sees things as they really are, which is probably why she loves you no matter how scary you become.”
Woah. Well. That's. Huh.

“Now THERE’S an idea!”  She beamed.  “Emperor Boo!  Ruling the wasteland with my army of…” her face twisted up, and Boo’s pale eyes returned as she scowled.  “Stoppit Discowd!  Imma not gonna be bad!  Imma gonna be like Bwackjack!”
Well now. That's even more. Huh.
Somepony could give Fluttershy a run for her money in the 'leashing Discord' department.

“This whole city is a testament to unchanging corruption and stagnation, to what happens when order goes too far.  And that’s not even mentioning what’s under it…”
I'm an appreciator stories that cast excessive order as a bad thing. Proceed.

Heh, this reminds me of an old theory of mine: the Eater of Souls is a powerful force for order, which drew an equally powerful spirit of chaos to Equestria. But the Eater was quiescent at the time, so Discord was too much chaos for ponykind to bear, and he had to be sealed away.

The barb was attached to a creature resembling a scorpion, if someone who had never seen a scorpion before had been given a vague description of one and had been so taken with the general idea of it that they’d hastily rushed to build the biggest scorpion of all time... and had neglected such trivial things as proportion, symmetry, and checking their work for errors.
That is beautiful. XD
The wordplay, I mean, not the creature.

The red mound twitched rhythmically, and then a half dozen eyes bubbled open.
Two fleshy tendrils sprouted, wrapping around my neck and horn, and as it pulled itself closer, a large mouth filled with toothy protrusions snapped at what little face I had left.  “You have got to be kidding me!”  I shouted, reaching up with my hands and tearing it away.  The meaty mass quivered under my metal fingers before I ripped it into two halves, then smashed them to paste against the case. “There... done!” I said, staring at the red goo in my hands.
The goo quivered and formed tiny mouths that snapped at me.  I stared for three seconds, then flung it off the side of the train!  “I quit!  I quit I quit I quit!  Undying flesh is where I draw the line!”
And up the ante! XD Uh... um... fire! We need total tissue destruction! Fire, incineration beams, plasma, something like that?

I could kiss Discord so hard her hooves would… wait… no.  That’d be weird.  A hug would suffice.
Ahahaha! Well, it wouldn't be the first time she kissed Discord, actually...

Still, I fell into a moment of peace.  Shoot.  Jump.  Kick.  Blast.  Run.  Dive.  Reload.  Grab.  Smash.  Shoot.  Toss.  Smile.  Retreat.  Lunge.  Cast.  Shoot.  Block.  Twist.  Stomp.  Twist.  Reload.  Shoot.  Laugh.
It's good to see an artisan enjoying her craft.

I was no Rainbow Dash in the air.  More like an Air Macintosh.
New Headcanon Acquired: A shoe company in Hoofington made Air Macintosh sneakers.

If I ever saw that snaggle-toothed son of chaos again out of Boo’s body, I’d give him a kiss that’d make his antler... horn... – whatever! – pop right off.
Quest Perk added: Kissed by Blackjack

I’m still waiting for my sister to join me... and horrified she will...”  She hung her head mournfully.
...
“Who are you?”  I murmured as tears ran down my eyes.
"Someone who knows what it’s like to deserve to hurt,” she replied in a whisper, the light fading out around us.
Wait wait wait. Teal eyes... sister that either hasn't died or wasn't caught by the Eater... that wasn't Luna, was it? It shouldn't be... the Eater of Souls should be able to eat Luna, right? Because she's a piece of the star it ate before? Or did Luna and Celestia escape being consumed because they were... somehow unpalatable? Mortal souls endowed with celestial power? But I'm still working on the assumption that Luna was the soul being tortured in the Tokomare that so horrified BJ. (I had an alternate theory that it was the EoS itself, but the voice from the pit sort of put paid to that idea.)

It's odd that she mentioned both Echo and Lacunae. Echo hasn't been in circulation for 200 years, and Lacunae didn't exist until after the apocalypse. So unless Echo introduced himself, one ghost to another, I can't imagine who this would be...

And how can a soul mote send help, anyway?

The mottled, horrifying visage of an abomination pony met my eyes.  It only had one eye, a maroon orb on the left side of its face.  Only the fact that my EFS was blue kept my magic bullets in check.  Another one behind it, with vestigial membranous wings, held a second gem in a mustache made of a brush of tendrils.  There were more behind those,  each holding a small gemstone.
Okaaay, color me tremendously creeped out... are these soul motes in control of bits of undying flesh? Or have some of the liquefied residents of Hoofington managed to pull themselves back together?

If they're motes inhabiting bodies of ew-flesh, I suppose that would explain how a ghost could call for help. One mote to another.

Every now and then, one would misstep and tumble, coming apart like wet roadapples.  A mote of light escaped and wandered away.  The bloody goop would form spiders, or scorpions, or other skittering things that I occasionally had to splatter with Boomstick.  Once, I watched as a mote slipped into a puddle of bloody goo which then coalesced into a tiny weird griffin.
I guess that answers that.

“She has the knack for that sort of thing.  It really is a useful perk for arriving just in the nick of time and save the day.  Quite aggravating.”
Blackjack is someone else's Mysterious Stranger.

There were also dozens, perhaps hundreds, of crates of weapons, ammo, chems, and body armor.  Enough for a small army.  Shaky foundations and lots of explosives?  Even I could see the potential...
Almost as good as keeping a nuke in your basement!

Five glass jars were arranged on the left side, each one shrouded in shadow cast by the machine, and a sixth sat next to a small wrought iron table.
Oh, that's not promising at all...

Within was the prone form of a yellow, emaciated earth pony who was barely breathing.  “Oopsie.  Wrong jar.”
Oh, hell. Echo...

“Ah, Horse!” she said gaily, a broad smile on her face.  The crane whirled and deposited another jar.  In it was what appeared to be a skinned pony.  Bare, sightless, emasculated.  I got the impression of looking at an adult-sized fetus.
Well, I guess he's definitely not the one in the Redoubt, then. I kind of suspected his own creation would have turned on him.

I’m sure he’d be more than happy to help transfer your soul to a new container, or back to an old one.”  I frowned at that last part.  Back to an old one?
Old one?... does she have the lopped-off pieces of BJ's old body? Those should have been in Tenpony Tower, well outside of her reach.

I can't help but wonder if there might be some way for BJ to sabotage her body before handing it over to Cogs.

“Yes, she did,” Cognitum said as the crane returned with the fifth jar.  “But she’d viewed them first.”  The jar dropped from the ceiling.  Within floated a much smaller unicorn.  Cables ran from the top of the jar down to her shaved scalp, where cybernetic plugs had been drilled in.  “I simply access them directly.”
Oh. My. Fuck. You probably could have come up with a more convincing argument than this freakshow of horrors, you know.

“I’m sorry, Blackjack,” Dealer whispered miserably in my ears, “but I don’t want to die.”
Suddenly, words flashed across my vision: Command Override: Cut Strings.
Crap.
I was wondering when he'd come up.

“I regret to say that a blank is incapable of carrying a foal to term.  Perhaps a blank could be used as an incubator for a foal nearly ready for birth, but blank reproductive systems lack proper hormonal regulation for pregnancy.  A fetus implanted this early would miscarry long before birth.”
Double crap...

“Now,” Cognitum said with my old mouth as the Sweetie Bot stood as still and lifeless as a statue, “Are you ready to work with me?”
The True Maiden of the Stars. Looks like Legate gets his fight, and I'm rooting for both sides to lose.

Uh. Except for that rather precious cargo Cogs is still carrying.

I now had enough blood to appreciate the sensation of it running cold.  “You were Applebot.”  The robot went dead again, and my old body nodded.  “But why?”
There is no curse in Elvish, Entish, or the tongues of men for this... treachery!

Suddenly the scrolling blocks of code and symbols vanished, replaced by a single static line with a blinking prompt below it.  ‘Enter Password’
Cognitum froze with all the abruptness of a mare on the edge of climax getting doused in ice water.  Her head twitched back and forth.  “What is this?  Password?  What password?  What is going on?”
Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

There was a resounding clang as Cognitum popped her hands out, grabbed Steel Rain, and threw the silver-armored stallion to the ground.  With cold contempt, she said softly, “Never, ever, suggest such a thing again.”
This reaction seems rather at odds with the horrors she's inflicted on Horse, Charm, and Dawn. But, hey, crazy computer.

“Goldenblood commandeered Horse’s mechasprites and sent them to the moon on a clandestine rocket to build a facility and to collect and fuse moonstone into a projectile massing several hundred thousand tonnes.  With a few more secret launches of Flux to fire it...”
What.

WHAT.

You built a space gun on the Moon big enough to launch a mountain?!

I had always dismissed that idea simply because it would be impossible to build covertly and the launch would be insanely costly. But then mechasprites and flux. Damn. Just... damn.

“Biomatter.  A byproduct of the Tokomare’s Enervation field.  The cell structure defies analysis, but it’s an organic soup similar to the tissue of ghouls, neither dead nor truly alive.  It will be flushed once the Core is restored,” she said with a disdainful sniff.
Wait, you're telling me this thing creates zombie flesh when it generates power? That crap isn't people liquefied by the Enervation, but something that just oozes out of the fucking starmetal itself?!

Whaaaaat the fuuuuuuuuuck?!

Tom – that’s what the moonstone projectile is named, for some reason – will fuel a complete restoration of the Core.
Ah. Okay. Guess that makes "sense".

In the center of the platform was a strange, vaguely familiar design etched in the metal floor plates: a circle with a six-pointed star in the middle.  Six unicorns, one standing at each point, were trying to keep a ball of brilliant white contained in the middle.  Green lighting from their horns raked across it, forcing it back whenever it drifted.  The black robes they wore were a little much.
Yyyyeah... I'm betting that's Luna's soul.

I felt something moving through me, searching for something integral to myself.  Not my soul, precisely, but linked to it.  I could feel it on a fundamental level, like my baby moving within me in my old body.  The dark violation found that something, and I felt a tear inside.  Instinctively, I glanced down at my flank and saw the twin cards fade from view.
I have completely lost the ability to even.

A snap cracked through the air, and Dawn disappeared in a flash, the spear clanging to the plates.  Cognitum whirled as a male laugh echoed softly in the cavernous space.  “Who’s there?” she demanded of the air.
“You’re doing it wrong,” the voice said.  “I have to start it off like this: ‘knock knock’?”
Oh, hell yes. Does that mean something here recharged Discord? Or is this his one final trick?

   “What?” I gasped, sitting up a little and staring at the glow.  Maybe it was having organic eyes again, or maybe it was Discord’s presence, but as I stared, I detected something within the mote.  Something beautiful and wonderful and mysterious.  Dark, but not the bubbling evil that had been inflicted on me before.  It was glorious and terrible, and I couldn’t tear my eyes away as I beheld it.
The soul of princess Luna.
Knew it!  Twilight Sparkle 

“Fools!  Fools!  All of you, fools!  I am the Queen of the Night!  And this world is mine!” she crowed, her wings spreading as her red and black magic mane and tail snapped in the air behind her.  “Bow before my greatness!”
Huh. So that was his one last trick, and it doesn't seem to have slowed her down much... but, hey, guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens, because Discord did seem to know what he was doing with all that...

Amadi.
“What?!  How are you...” I screamed at the top of my lungs, rising to my hooves as I gestured at him.  “But you!  You’re the Legate!  And why–  And she’s the Maiden!  But she–  And you’re friends?!”  I waved my hooves at them both.  “What the hay is going on here?”
Okay, I take back all my reasons that the Legate isn't Amadi. Celestia damn it. This is gonna suck.

“Project Horizons Command AI,” the voice rasped.
Goldie, you magnificent bastard...

“I must go reunite with Blackjack’s friends.  Tell them what we need to do.  The Luna Space Center may still retain something useful.”
Yeah, that ruse will last, what, two seconds?

Footnote: >Start New Game: Y/N?
Pfft, we passed Game Over like thirty chapters ago.

I'm sure I'll post a ton of further thoughts over the next week. For now, I'm just going to let this all simmer.

Editing:


Apologies if any of these are dupes -- it's nearly 2am and I'm not bothering to reload the doc and double-check the errors.

The stairs had led to a basement, just as preserved as the rest of the building.
It isn't necessary to put this in past-perfect tense. Just "The stairs led to a basement..." should work fine.

“Imma here Bwackjack,” she said, her eyes suddenly pale before giving me a nuzzle.
Comma after "pale".

Oh don’t give me that.  I’m a spirit of chaos.
Comma after "Oh".

I mean even besides what happened to me, there was so much waste of potential and material for amusement...
Comma after "mean".

Not a major quake but somehow much more disconcerting.
Comma after "quake".

That was putting it mildly.  I wondered if he knew, specifically, what Luna had done.  Before I could ask, he was continuing in a nattering rush.
You've been using "she" for Biscord all this time. Couple of occurrances of "he" here.

War is the worst kind of chaos to begin with regardless!
Comma after "with".

She closed his eyes.
Uh... if this was deliberate, I would say, "She closed Discord's eyes".

For a moment, he was oddly serious.
She.

He suddenly leaned over, grinned, and rubbed a hoof in my mane.  I glared at him, and he pulled back and coughed.
She, her, she.

And while Penance was an exquisite firearm, it wasn’t the most ideal weapon for use against a swarm of opponents.
I would strike "most" here. "Ideal" is a superlative, like "best" -- you wouldn't say "most best".

The pincer hand reached up, grabbed a flatbed, and flung it at me like a giant sail, pummeling me with a rain of metal containers.
Sail? That's a very odd simile. I don't think sails are particularly good for flinging.

I ran away from the abomination as in continued its barrage.
It

Countless amounts of materiel were being lost down the hole.
"Countless amounts" seems like a weird combination. What is an "amount"? The units should be something countable, like "rounds", "crates", or even "bits' worth of".

“But why?” I asked as my daughter gave  a little burp, and didn’t vomit down my back for a change.  Mom’s suggestion to add a little rice to the milk had worked after all.  “But why?  Why does it draw you here?”
Was the doubled "But why?" deliberate?

But yet it craves us and keeps us trapped within this place.
And yet.

“Someone who knows what it’s like to deserve to hurt,” she replied in a whisper, the light fading out around us?.
Excess question mark there.

“Or, I daresay she’ll be around soon enough.  When it’s dramatically appropriate,” Discord replied, her voice echoing softly in the tunnels.
Oh, I

She waved a hoof dismissively, “Well fear not, Boo will come to no harm with me.”
Period after "dismissively", comma after "Well".

The air above us shimmered and ghostly holograms filled the room.  I recognized Horse and the slew of other visitors trying on the shimmery, golden-threaded and gemmed cap.  “That day, when Horse was showing of his latest innovation, the cap happened to land on the head on one mare who attended the meeting in disguise.”
Technically speaking, Cogs should have no idea that BJ knows about that event. It was a memory orb she saw while the Goddess was driving. This should be written as if BJ didn't know what she was seeing.

Not only did I have many secrets he could exploit, but he found me a most desirable surrogate.
Surrogate instead of... what? I suspect you had a different word in mind.

“I simply access them directly.”
Accessed

I felt my ribs creek.
Creak
Ah, thank you.

SilentCarto wrote:You've been using "she" for Biscord all this time. Couple of occurrances of "he" here.
The confusion is deliberate. We debated several different ways of handling the pronoun problem and eventually decided on that.

SilentCarto wrote:Nice summation, there. I almost feel like starting a "Stable Pony Problems" meme.
:D
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by WavemasterRyx on Mon Mar 31, 2014 3:42 am

O. Hinds wrote:I hope that you enjoy it.  :)
Somber wrote:So, okay chapter then?
*hugs you both again*  It was, it really was a good chapter.  I don't think I could have asked for a better birthday present...

... but it also hurt... a lot.  More than 33, and probably even more than 62b...

I don't know when I'll be able to write up my comments... but I'll try as soon as I can.  I really do hope you'll be okay, Somber, I'm sorry I can't do more to help...  I wish you the absolute best luck with the science position, or anything else to make your life easier.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by O. Hinds on Mon Mar 31, 2014 3:47 am

Ah, yes; I already wished you a happy birthday on your Tumblr, but, as that was using a different name, here it is again: happy birthday!
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Exodus Hero on Mon Mar 31, 2014 4:58 am

Would somebody kindly explain the ending to me?
Spoiler:
Like who Legate actually is? (Amadi?) I don't recall the name and took the shock factor from me and I'm not sure where to look up the character up. Also, is Cog now Luna for certain? Not sure if I'm following that right or not.

A minor gripe about the ending:
Spoiler:
I personally didn't like how they just made up the prophecy after building it up so much throughout the story. (Kind of feels like having a gun in the novel and the story's been building with this tension that someone is going to use the gun only to find out it's made of chocolate.)

Chapter as a whole:
Spoiler:
I did like the pacing throughout this chapter and the characterization of Discord and how he starts explaining outside the universe, that was pretty neat.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by CD on Mon Mar 31, 2014 5:46 am

Holy shit that was a doozy. Poor, poor Blackjack. I feel so bad for her. This must be the second worst thing that has happened to her. Arguably, her dying on the Seahorse at least happened with her mind at peace. For a moment I felt for sure this was it, the final chapter. But no, her suffering will continue.

Also, Discord was a magnificent bastard.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by SilentCarto on Mon Mar 31, 2014 7:45 am

Okay, wait just an apple-buckin' minute.
Ch. 65 Spoilers:
The whole "Maiden of the Stars" thing was total BS, right? A prophecy Vitiosus made up himself. And yet, he was able to pick out and target the mare who would ultimately become the vessel for Princess Luna.

There's still something screwy going on here...
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Scienza on Mon Mar 31, 2014 7:48 am

HOLY HELL HOW DID I MISS THE NEW CHAPTER RELEASE?!
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Overlong Analysis Cobalt on Mon Mar 31, 2014 8:03 am

@Somber
"So, okay chapter then?"
Spoiler:
Ja. I'd put this chapter at around... trying to think of a metaphor that actually makes sense to someone who isn't me; difficult at the moment, on cold meds and not much sleep... not very good cold meds, either, they want me to wait for four hours between doses but only seem to work for like, one... Oh, well, it was pretty fuckin' excellent. Hell with metaphors. I do not need their ilk. Except for, y'know, thinking, since they're integral to human understanding and stuff or whatever. Although IIRC there's a mental condition that leaves people unable to understand them? Fuckin' weird. I'm digressing. Point is, I really liked this chapter. Also, it made me want to pull a GRRM fan on you, a bit, in terms of "oy get the next one out already" because, y'know, cliffhanger 2: revenge of the cliffhanger. But I won't. But I want to.

Let's just say I eagerly anticipate the next one.

Aaanywho, uh, some more specific thoughts... Really liked the ending. Really liked how Boo and Discord were treated and all that (really really liked Discord throughout this, in fact). Liked the interactions between everyone in down in the bowels of the Evil Headquarters of Evil. There are a lot of threads being plucked right now, and I'm going to need to see the final pattern of 'em before casting judgment, but I'm definitely liking the weave thus far. I don't expect to see Blackjack floating in the computerized ether too long, for my part; and also, we all know what happens when a pony takes on another's cutie mark, and it ain't gonna be pretty for Cognitum. Which reminds me, the little references in this chapter to ponies things and FOE fanon/canon theories worked quite well, I thought, which is rare because usually I'm the kind of reader to sort of skip over references and suchlike. Oh, and also the combat bits with the flesh bits were interesting, mostly because of the pony-flesh; the scorpion-flesh scene was done well, but I mean, y'know, it was kind of whatever - didn't feel purely obligatory, but it did a little bit. That's me, though, the I-get-bored-of-combat-scenes-usually guy. Uh, quoi d'autre? Liked Rampage, here; liked the interaction between her and Blackjack, both accepting that the other's going to do what they always do 'cos of how well they know one another. Interesting things about identity coming in through Rampage and Cognitum, incidentally. We'll see how that all plays out, anyway.

As said, looking forward to the next one! Thanks for writing and editing this 'un, Somber et al.!

@Exodus Hero
Spoiler:
Amadi's the zebra Horse had hanging out with him and his international team, working on the Tokomare project. He gave important information like, "What, does the Eater of Souls myth have any truth to it? Naaaah." and "You should totally listen to this starmetal tuning fork, Horse. Doooo eeeet." For reference, when I need to look stuff up, I use this! It updates quickly with all the new PH chapters in one handy place, all the better for CTRL+Fing your way through the ginormity that is Project Horizons. :)

@SilentCarto
Spoiler:
Ancient evils, yo, not malfunctioning machinery. Amadi has a history of playing ponies in power who underestimate the EoS. Not saying that's a for-sure, but I wouldn't be surprised if his motivations clash with Cognitum's. He's been in the game longer than her, and the Starkatteri have been in for longer still (well... maybe longer. He seems to be immortal, after all).
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Harmony Ltd. on Mon Mar 31, 2014 8:17 am

(reposted from the setting thread as it's also a comment on the story)

So, Discord's ultimate fate is now accounted for.

*strike a line from his notepad*


... What's this thing leaking from my eyes? Another malfunction? Ugh.

Anyway, Godspeed, you magnificent bastard.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Evilgidgit on Mon Mar 31, 2014 8:44 am

Harmony Ltd. wrote:(reposted from the setting thread as it's also a comment on the story)

So, Discord's ultimate fate is now accounted for.

*strike a line from his notepad*


... What's this thing leaking from my eyes? Another malfunction? Ugh.

Anyway, Godspeed, you magnificent bastard.
 Have fun causing chaos in the next world, o'great Spirit of Chaos!
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Harmony Ltd. on Mon Mar 31, 2014 8:58 am

Silentcarto wrote:Wait wait wait. Teal eyes... sister that either hasn't died or wasn't caught by the Eater... that wasn't Luna, was it? It shouldn't be... the Eater of Souls should be able to eat Luna, right? Because she's a piece of the star it ate before? Or did Luna and Celestia escape being consumed because they were... somehow unpalatable? Mortal souls endowed with celestial power? But I'm still working on the assumption that Luna was the soul being tortured in the Tokomare that so horrified BJ. (I had an alternate theory that it was the EoS itself, but the voice from the pit sort of put paid to that idea.)

It's odd that she mentioned both Echo and Lacunae. Echo hasn't been in circulation for 200 years, and Lacunae didn't exist until after the apocalypse. So unless Echo introduced himself, one ghost to another, I can't imagine who this would be...

And how can a soul mote send help, anyway?
Pinkie Pie and Rarity both have teal eyes, sister(s), and good reasons to think they deserve to hurt.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by geekladd on Mon Mar 31, 2014 11:09 am

Somber wrote:So, okay chapter then?
Thank you for another amazing chapter! eyes are kinda burning now and kinda feeling like  Twilight cuz I read it on my phone most of the night (slow reader), but it was worth it
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Guest on Mon Mar 31, 2014 12:57 pm

65 editing:

"if stopped to think about it for even a second"

If I?

"Far more valuable that any pawn"

than any

I could be betrayed by anypony

This one if I remember right was missing a quotation mark at the end.

"A giant glowing imagine of the filly"

Think you guys meant image

"Any why I shouldn't"

Maybe supposed to be "Any reason why"?

"I don't think we can't hold it much longer."

I liked Discord.

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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by swicked on Mon Mar 31, 2014 1:08 pm

Evilgidgit wrote:Have fun causing chaos in the next world, o'great Spirit of Chaos!
I think we're going to be surprised.
I'm certain Discord is out for the count now, but trickster spirits are special, as mentioned in chapter 34. Unique compared to all other life, coming to the planet to mold, meddle and inspire rather than simply singing and thriving.
...so I think his future might be a little less predictable than simply the afterlife.

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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by O. Hinds on Mon Mar 31, 2014 1:47 pm

Last wrote:
65 editing:

"if stopped to think about it for even a second"

If I?

"Far more valuable that any pawn"

than any

I could be betrayed by anypony

This one if I remember right was missing a quotation mark at the end.

"A giant glowing imagine of the filly"

Think you guys meant image

"Any why I shouldn't"

Maybe supposed to be "Any reason why"?

"I don't think we can't hold it much longer."

I liked Discord.
Ah, thank you.

Last wrote:This one if I remember right was missing a quotation mark at the end.
No, unfortunately.  That's just one of the less sensible, in my opinion, rules of English.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Valikdu on Mon Mar 31, 2014 4:14 pm

How much worse could the situation get?
Spoiler:
The Tokomare is shaped like two corkscrewing pillars, it emits a signal that creates undead things... oh god.
Spoiler:
make us whole again
Spoiler:
So, um... What will happen if there's too many souls there?

Couldn't tear myself away from the chapter for three hours, read it from beginning to end. It's great.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by MSCA on Mon Mar 31, 2014 6:55 pm

CHAPTER WAS AWESOME

Minor pet theory:
What if Blackjack's special talent isn't victory / winning?  Cognitum only interpreted it that way in the context of her name being Blackjack, which isn't her real name.  What if Blackjack's cutie mark represents something else, and stealing it is somehow going to backfire on Cognitum?

Also, major props to SilentCarto for figuring so much out before this chapter.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Somber on Mon Mar 31, 2014 6:58 pm

"Um... 'Princess Luna'?  Why have you been playing Spider Solitaire for sixteen hours straight?"

"I CAN'T STOP!"

I am glad that most people liked it.  Even 4chan seems to be quiet on the chapter, which is a standing ovation from them... or it's really not worth their attention, which I guess is good too.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by O. Hinds on Mon Mar 31, 2014 7:10 pm

MSCA wrote:CHAPTER WAS AWESOME

Minor pet theory:
What if Blackjack's special talent isn't victory / winning?  Cognitum only interpreted it that way in the context of her name being Blackjack, which isn't her real name.  What if Blackjack's cutie mark represents something else, and stealing it is somehow going to backfire on Cognitum?

Also, major props to SilentCarto for figuring so much out before this chapter.
Oh, now that's an interesting idea...
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by SilentCarto on Mon Mar 31, 2014 8:03 pm

Derpmind wrote:"Once upon a time, I’d been a security mare in a diseased stable teetering on the edge of systemic collapse, bloody revolution, or both."

And then everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked.
I hate you...  Spike 

Derpmind wrote:"“Trottenheimer’s firing trajectory is unaccommodating for interception,”"

...oh fuck me sideways, Folly is Goldenblood's backup plan. The backup plan to the 'destroy the planet' plan. Project Horizons fires, and Folly intercepts it and destroys it.
...Huh! Interesting thought. Could be, could very well be...

Derpmind wrote:...damnit, she's good enough at holograms that all of this is probably fake. I hope.
Oh, you think? I kind of assumed it was totally real. She was able to fire on the Warden, after all.

Harmony Ltd. wrote:Pinkie Pie and Rarity both have teal eyes, sister(s), and good reasons to think they deserve to hurt.
Pinkie and Rarity (and AJ) are accounted for in the afterlife. (Ch. 34)

I moved closer still and saw a second light, a soft orange point that sang the other sound.  And then a third was born, a cheery pink.  Another, majestic purple.

MSCA wrote:
Minor pet theory:
What if Blackjack's special talent isn't victory / winning?  Cognitum only interpreted it that way in the context of her name being Blackjack, which isn't her real name.  What if Blackjack's cutie mark represents something else, and stealing it is somehow going to backfire on Cognitum?
Spoiler:
Oooh. I like that idea. I was thinking that her cutie mark story didn't really involve any particular victory -- it was just a filly getting killed by an accident.

Somber wrote:"Um... 'Princess Luna'?  Why have you been playing Spider Solitaire for sixteen hours straight?"
"I CAN'T STOP!"
That made me giggle.  Fluttershy


Last edited by SilentCarto on Mon Mar 31, 2014 9:06 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by SilentCarto on Mon Mar 31, 2014 8:12 pm

Random thoughts that have percolated after a good night's sleep and a day at work:
Spoiler:

Thrush isn't dead until I see a body.

Did Rover get hit directly by the beam? That was what I understood, but I want to make sure I read it right.

BJ's dream seemed to indicate that she was carrying twins. Interesting...

Cutie marks mean destiny, right? What happens if you have two different destinies? Was that Discord's game?

If Boo can grow a whole soul, can BJ regrow a missing chunk of one? Or did she just get promoted to Avatar of Chaos? Discord made quite a bit about BJ being such an excellent bringer of chaos in the cause of good. When he was petting her, was he literally grooming her for the role?

I had somewhat expected BJ to get her body back. I wasn't prepared for how unhappy Cogs made it. It was supposed to be a joyous occasion, not something that was, let's face it, tantamount to rape.

Seems odd to me that the blank body can't carry a child. Surely she meant to say that the body wouldn't be hormonally prepared in time to accept the foal(s)? It would be a pretty crappy "exact" copy, otherwise.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by FeatherDust on Mon Mar 31, 2014 9:20 pm

Just a few initial thoughts.

Cogs is still thinking of the Eater as a mere thing, but it's not.  It's alive, in a way.  Or perhaps undead.  I thought it was rather nice irony that the Eater's influence continually creates and destroys random life-forms.  Irony: The eater forges flesh and blood into tools, the same way flesh and blood ponies forge starmetal.

As they went down though the city's roots, I was struck by another bit of irony: Cognitum's dream of a chrome future is literally built on a rotting foundation.

A couple editing issues:

>>She closed her eyes in an almost orgasmic expression of bliss.
Blackjack's body still doesn't have eyelids, remember?

>>“Finally,” she said, and closed her eyes as if she’d climaxed.
AGAIN!  I hate to harp on this, but...
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Derpmind on Mon Mar 31, 2014 9:40 pm

SilentCarto wrote:
Derpmind wrote:...damnit, she's good enough at holograms that all of this is probably fake. I hope.
Oh, you think? I kind of assumed it was totally real. She was able to fire on the Warden, after all.

Well, she is "Cognitium" so going logically, if she has the capability to make holograms indistinguishable from reality, (and we know she has good enough intel and sensors for the data to make it accurate,) then not fake it when actually doing it is going to get you the same quality pictures and cost you lots of peasants? Cognitium did spend a good deal of the chapter reinforcing her tendency to keep ponies around in her stasis pods. Why burn villages down when she can rule over them instead?

MSCA wrote:
Minor pet theory:
What if Blackjack's special talent isn't victory / winning?  Cognitum only interpreted it that way in the context of her name being Blackjack, which isn't her real name.  What if Blackjack's cutie mark represents something else, and stealing it is somehow going to backfire on Cognitum?

Also, major props to SilentCarto for figuring so much out before this chapter.

I don't think this belongs in spoiler tags but whatever:
The closest we've gotten to hearing BJ talk about her cutie mark is a traumatic story that suddenly stops midway through. I think BJ's been repressing something since she was a child. I definitely don't think it's victory.

Also, all of us here have been thinking and figuring things out together since we first posted comments up on EqD. I know you meant no offense, but it's a little unfair to everyone to say just one person figured things out. Besides, he's been wrong plenty of times just like the rest of us.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by O. Hinds on Mon Mar 31, 2014 9:47 pm

FeatherDust wrote:Just a few initial thoughts.

Cogs is still thinking of the Eater as a mere thing, but it's not.  It's alive, in a way.  Or perhaps undead.  I thought it was rather nice irony that the Eater's influence continually creates and destroys random life-forms.  Irony: The eater forges flesh and blood into tools, the same way flesh and blood ponies forge starmetal.

As they went down though the city's roots, I was struck by another bit of irony: Cognitum's dream of a chrome future is literally built on a rotting foundation.

A couple editing issues:

>>She closed her eyes in an almost orgasmic expression of bliss.
Blackjack's body still doesn't have eyelids, remember?

>>“Finally,” she said, and closed her eyes as if she’d climaxed.
AGAIN!  I hate to harp on this, but...
Argh, I thought that we'd gotten all of those. Thanks!
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by swicked on Mon Mar 31, 2014 10:02 pm

O. Hinds wrote:
FeatherDust wrote:Just a few initial thoughts.

Cogs is still thinking of the Eater as a mere thing, but it's not.  It's alive, in a way.  Or perhaps undead.  I thought it was rather nice irony that the Eater's influence continually creates and destroys random life-forms.  Irony: The eater forges flesh and blood into tools, the same way flesh and blood ponies forge starmetal.

As they went down though the city's roots, I was struck by another bit of irony: Cognitum's dream of a chrome future is literally built on a rotting foundation.

A couple editing issues:

>>She closed her eyes in an almost orgasmic expression of bliss.
Blackjack's body still doesn't have eyelids, remember?

>>“Finally,” she said, and closed her eyes as if she’d climaxed.
AGAIN!  I hate to harp on this, but...
Argh, I thought that we'd gotten all of those.  Thanks!
If these are the only two instances that finally got through, I'd call it a job well done.
I think Somber should probably make those corrections, though, rather than nuking the sentences or anything.

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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by MSCA on Mon Mar 31, 2014 10:14 pm

Derpmind wrote:Also, all of us here have been thinking and figuring things out together since we first posted comments up on EqD. I know you meant no offense, but it's a little unfair to everyone to say just one person figured things out. Besides, he's been wrong plenty of times just like the rest of us.

I admittedly skim this thread because there are a lot of posts and I don't have a lot of free time.  I happened to notice a couple of good predictions about this chapter.  I never said no one else figured things out, or that he's never been wrong.

Like you said, I didn't mean any offense, I just wanted to highlight something cool.


Last edited by MSCA on Mon Mar 31, 2014 10:34 pm; edited 1 time in total
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