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Re: Writing exercise / game

Post by Frost on Thu Aug 08, 2013 11:30 pm

CamoBadger wrote:
Mister Frost wrote:Finally managed to get to a place where I could read it. Pretty good, as usual from you. My main problem with it is that now I want a full-length story, and that probably won't happen.
 NOPE! BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
 Dammit, I'll work with you, just make it happen!
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Re: Writing exercise / game

Post by Frost on Thu Aug 08, 2013 11:34 pm

CamoBadger wrote:
Mister Frost wrote: This is pretty dry and mediocre, but here we go: Bad Story
 I like it. It has good tension for how short it is, and has the bare bones of a universe (which I instantly headcanoned as the Mech Warrior universe because of the 'Core Worlds' thing, but I'm also insane).
 Nope. Not familiar enough with the Battletech universe to make even a short blurb like that set in there. That's just a bland ol' used-future sci-fi setting
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Re: Writing exercise / game

Post by CamoBadger on Thu Aug 08, 2013 11:35 pm

Mister Frost wrote:
CamoBadger wrote:
Mister Frost wrote:Finally managed to get to a place where I could read it. Pretty good, as usual from you. My main problem with it is that now I want a full-length story, and that probably won't happen.
 NOPE! BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
 Dammit, I'll work with you, just make it happen!
 NO! I already have 2 stories I'm working on, plus a third that people are insisting I continue from that damn writing contest Applejacks

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Re: Writing exercise / game

Post by Frost on Thu Aug 08, 2013 11:38 pm

CamoBadger wrote:
Mister Frost wrote:
CamoBadger wrote:
Mister Frost wrote:Finally managed to get to a place where I could read it. Pretty good, as usual from you. My main problem with it is that now I want a full-length story, and that probably won't happen.
 NOPE! BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
 Dammit, I'll work with you, just make it happen!
 NO! I already have 2 stories I'm working on, plus a third that people are insisting I continue from that damn writing contest Applejacks
 I think the problem here is your excuses.
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Re: Writing exercise / game

Post by CamoBadger on Thu Aug 08, 2013 11:41 pm

Mister Frost wrote: I think the problem here is your excuses.
 Silence you, if I ever remember it exists after getting further on the other stories, maybe I'll go back to it.

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Well spank my flank and call me sexy!

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Re: Writing exercise / game

Post by Frost on Thu Aug 08, 2013 11:45 pm

CamoBadger wrote:
Mister Frost wrote: I think the problem here is your excuses.
 Silence you, if I ever remember it exists after getting further on the other stories, maybe I'll go back to it.
 Don't worry. I'll pester you anytime you get anywhere close to forgetting.
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Re: Writing exercise / game

Post by Frost on Thu Aug 08, 2013 11:46 pm

Meanwhile, I need something to pass the time until I ship anyway, so I can expand on any blurbs I write if there's interest.
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Re: Writing exercise / game

Post by Meleagridis on Fri Aug 09, 2013 12:21 am

Prompt::
A dumptruck, unexpected villainy, and what is really important.
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Re: Writing exercise / game

Post by Frost on Fri Aug 09, 2013 12:26 am

Huh. Not sure what I can do with that, aside from having two truck drivers talk about the families they're protecting while hiding the body they ran over in their truck.
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Re: Writing exercise / game

Post by Frost on Fri Aug 09, 2013 1:13 am

Prompt?:
 
Spoiler:

Don't know if this works:
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Re: Writing exercise / game

Post by swicked on Fri Aug 09, 2013 1:44 am

CamoBadger wrote:Alright, got one done using those two pictures I quoted from you guys. Pretty poor, but I just went with what I was doing and tried not to take it too seriously.
Exercise 1
That was nice. Nearly a page of exposition, though. I like when more stuff happens in the meantime. Even idle stuff, like checking a weapon, adjusting goggles, I dunno. Something to maintain the atmosphere of the present, though the entire piece was short enough it didn't matter.

I would have prefered of his example crime of the thief being a little more detailed and personal. Like, one time on patrol he saw a thief flee a house right in front of him, the owner spraying bulletfire after him, and the thief just went straight off the edge. The guard didn't even have to pull his gun. His favorite kind of crime.
More than once he'd been the one to chase down a thief at the guy's house. He had to of done it a hundred times, but could hardly recall a single occassion where the criminal even looked surprised as he planted a bullet in their chest.

Over all, though, a fun read. I'm not as attached to it as frost, though XD


Last edited by swicked on Fri Aug 09, 2013 2:13 am; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : I am SO BAD at typing on a phone...)

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Re: Writing exercise / game

Post by Frost on Fri Aug 09, 2013 1:46 am

I find you're rarely as attached to things as me. I take that as a sign of your inferiority.

Regardless, I think you raise valid points on the story. Do me next!
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Re: Writing exercise / game

Post by swicked on Fri Aug 09, 2013 1:50 am

Mister Frost wrote:I find you're rarely as attached to things as me. I take that as a sign of your inferiority.

Regardless, I think you raise valid points on the story. Do me next!
Err, okay. I was gonna, but I just noticed there's nothing in the thread's first post about giving critiques or advice, so I was literally about to apologize if the idea was just to create, not judge.
Still, I'll go read your thing.

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Re: Writing exercise / game

Post by Frost on Fri Aug 09, 2013 1:53 am

Eh, I think feedback is a decent part of the idea. Run along, now. Dissect my shitty story.
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Re: Writing exercise / game

Post by swicked on Fri Aug 09, 2013 2:09 am

Mister Frost wrote: This is pretty dry and mediocre, but here we go: Bad Story
Heh, no significant opinions on style beyond the fact that you successfully make the setting seem really boring. The boy's face matches the walls the same way his dad's clothes match his comlink? It's a decent setup for something to move in to change the status quo, but that never comes. All I can imagine of the characters and their surroundings is gray.
The dialogue works, as does the rest of it. It feels very in media res, which is neither good nor bad, just... incomplete, even for what it is, I think. Read it again, I don't know quite what it is I feel like it's missing. Clear introduction, middle, conclusion. Probably just me


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Re: Writing exercise / game

Post by Frost on Fri Aug 09, 2013 2:22 am

I mentioned that the room around them is "grey" because that's what it is--it's an economy-class berth on a starship, and it's pretty much just a steel room with bunks and the launch seating. 

I know it seems a bit incomplete, but that, in all honesty, has as much to do with me being distracted as I wrote as it does with stylistic choice. The big status-quo change would undoubtedly happen in a longer/expanded story, but for the little blurb I wanted to focus on setting up the scene and situation (with appropriate vagueness) more than setting up a storyline
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Re: Writing exercise / game

Post by swicked on Fri Aug 09, 2013 2:29 am

Mister Frost wrote:I mentioned that the room around them is "grey" because that's what it is--it's an economy-class berth on a starship, and it's pretty much just a steel room with bunks and the launch seating.
No, I get that, and the characters match their surroundings, as does everyone else there.
Maybe just... it could be crowded, smell of filthy cigarettes and filthier people. A baby was crying somewhere far off but the atmosphere was such that no one could bring themselves to care. The economy section looked old... Older than anyone riding in it, likely. Some of the.buckles didn't even work anymore. No one cared about that, either.

I feel like the atmosphere could be elaborated so the reader can get a feel for how bland and ugly the place is rather than stating everything is boring and moving on.

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Re: Writing exercise / game

Post by Frost on Fri Aug 09, 2013 2:30 am

I will take that into consideration. Thanks for the tip, and the read-through
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Re: Writing exercise / game

Post by swicked on Fri Aug 09, 2013 2:44 am

Mister Frost wrote:I will take that into consideration. Thanks for the tip, and the read-through
No problem. Honestly, its one of the bigger problems in writing. Even when describing something boring, you kinda still need to make the writing itself interesting, all the moreso in an intro.

Another way you could do that is to go through the senses. What does it smell like? Sound like? Immerse the reader in blandness :P

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Re: Writing exercise / game

Post by Frost on Fri Aug 09, 2013 2:50 am

I think I get what you're saying.

Any of these prompts catching your eye, by the way? I wouldn't mind getting a glimpse into the writing of The Swick.
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Re: Writing exercise / game

Post by CamoBadger on Fri Aug 09, 2013 2:54 am

@swicked: Thanks. And yeah, getting reviews on stuff is always good, even if it's just a little blurb done for fun. Helped me out a lot in my writing class when we did exercises like this, and always will help, so thanks for that ^-^

 @Frost (new prompts): The first one I think would be easiest for me, but I could work with the second one too, maybe. Not really the third one though. Now I need to decide if I should try it out tonight or if I should wait until tomorrow...

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Well spank my flank and call me sexy!

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Re: Writing exercise / game

Post by swicked on Fri Aug 09, 2013 3:04 am

Mister Frost wrote:Any of these prompts catching your eye, by the way? I wouldn't mind getting a glimpse into the writing of The Swick.
I really don't like sharing my writing. I like keeping it to myself, reading it over and over until it's perfect, then adding it to a pile and reading other stuff I wrote in years passed.
I can try, though. Maybe right now, maybe not, but something and soonish?

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Re: Writing exercise / game

Post by Frost on Fri Aug 09, 2013 3:16 am

@Camo: Obviously, you should do it right now. Mr. Lazypants.

@Swick: I know I, at least, am interested in reading some of your writing.
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Re: Writing exercise / game

Post by swicked on Fri Aug 09, 2013 3:23 am

Heh, stuff.


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Re: Writing exercise / game

Post by Frost on Fri Aug 09, 2013 3:31 am

Much as I'd like to assure you otherwise......yeah, getting over yourself is step one of the solution here.
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Re: Writing exercise / game

Post by swicked on Fri Aug 09, 2013 3:38 am

Mister Frost wrote:Much as I'd like to assure you otherwise......yeah, getting over yourself is step one of the solution here.
Fact about me: when I say something about myself or what I feel I should do, I'm not asking for opinions, just stating what I feel are facts. I don't fish for compliments. If you'd assured me otherwise, I would have disagreed with you :P

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Re: Writing exercise / game

Post by Frost on Fri Aug 09, 2013 3:40 am

I tend to refer to folks who fish for complements as "Fucktards who fish for complements", so +1 respect to you.
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Re: Writing exercise / game

Post by swicked on Fri Aug 09, 2013 4:00 am

Mister Frost wrote:I tend to refer to folks who fish for complements as "Fucktards who fish for complements", so +1 respect to you.
...uh huh, right. Almost makes it look like you're trying to defeat my point, but whatever.

I looked at all the prompts and feel nothing. No whispers from my muses. Might be I'm just not in the mood, or the fact that I'd rather keep working on brainstorming for a story I'm already working on :P

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Re: Writing exercise / game

Post by Frost on Fri Aug 09, 2013 4:12 am

What sort of prompts might you be in the mood for, then? I might be able to whip up a couple to get your muses talking.
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Re: Writing exercise / game

Post by Harmony Ltd. on Fri Aug 09, 2013 4:34 am

Idea :

1/
Spoiler:
The muffled sound of (a) flag(s) flying in the wind.
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Re: Writing exercise / game

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