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Fallout: Equestria - Fertile Ground

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Fallout: Equestria - Fertile Ground

Post by Warbalist on Sun May 19, 2013 2:00 am

I was told to mosey into this town by CamoBadger, volrathxp and Fuzzy. At least, I believe Fuzzy said something about it.

Anyway, this story has reached chapter 6. You can find it on Google Drive or on FIM Fiction.

Fallout: Equestria - Fertile Ground
Chapter 6 here or on FIM Fiction here.

The blurb is:

In the previously star-studded streets of Applewood, the once entertainment capital of Equestria, the lives of a scribe, a farmer, three spies, an inventor, a store clerk, a broken-hearted warrior and a bodyguard cross paths in a tale of deceit and corruption.

Can friendship survive a power struggle?

---

This is a story set quite a number of years before Littlepip, and on the west coast. The first alicorn is spotted by the Steel Rangers. Where did this creature come from? How was it made? What technology is responsible? How powerful could the wielder of this technology become? Who can put the puzzle together to get there first?

That's the gist. It's also rife with metaphor, so if you enjoy digging deeper into what each character represents or what the story is actually about, you may enjoy over-analyzing it... and me. I also improvise a short piece of music to go with each chapter, so even if you don't like the story, you can snag some wasteland music from one of those FO:E Radio guys.

Thank you for reading through this ridiculous advertisement.

EDITED: For linkies.


Last edited by Warbalist on Sun May 19, 2013 1:42 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Re: Fallout: Equestria - Fertile Ground

Post by Frost on Sun May 19, 2013 8:23 am

I'll be sure to pop this right into my Read Later list. I've just graduated, so naturally I've some spare time on my hands
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Re: Fallout: Equestria - Fertile Ground

Post by Stringtheory on Sun May 19, 2013 11:43 am

Oh, it's this story! I'm just in the process of reading chapter six right now. Like I said in my comment on FiMfiction a while back: good writing, now if only I could figure out where the plot's going...
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Re: Fallout: Equestria - Fertile Ground

Post by Kippershy on Sun May 19, 2013 11:55 am

You know what would be lovely?
Linking to the god damn main page of it in your main post.
I hated you so much because trying to get there on my mobile was a bastard.
Please fix this.

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/80925/fallout-equestria-fertile-ground
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Re: Fallout: Equestria - Fertile Ground

Post by Warbalist on Sun May 19, 2013 1:39 pm

Mister Frost: That's awesome! Congratulations. What's going to be your field of study in college?

String Theory: The first part of the story seems a bit frayed, doesn't it? Well it has its reasons. Things start pulling together this last chapter and really come into focus by chapter nine. The entire story is constructed, now if only I could force more hours from the day to write it! Also, thank you. And, did you know, there is now a "Previously, on Fertile Ground" document which recounts the goings on of past chapters? Did this because I don't update as often as other stories. You can get there from the main, Google Drive page, which brings me to:

Kippershy: Oops. Sorry. Fixing this now. Shy
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Re: Fallout: Equestria - Fertile Ground

Post by Stringtheory on Sun May 19, 2013 1:49 pm

Warbalist wrote:String Theory: The first part of the story seems a bit frayed, doesn't it? Well it has its reasons. Things start pulling together this last chapter and really come into focus by chapter nine. The entire story is constructed, now if only I could force more hours from the day to write it! Also, thank you. And, did you know, there is now a "Previously, on Fertile Ground" document which recounts the goings on of past chapters? Did this because I don't update as often as other stories. You can get there from the main, Google Drive page, which brings me to:
Hmm, looks to be quite useful, though I'm not a huge fan of 'spark notes' like things, I like to earn my understanding
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Re: Fallout: Equestria - Fertile Ground

Post by Warbalist on Sun May 19, 2013 2:12 pm

stringtheory wrote:Hmm, looks to be quite useful, though I'm not a huge fan of 'spark notes' like things, I like to earn my understanding

As is evidenced by your user name, though that theory and its competing theories are certainly always under scrutiny. /tangentoflimitedknowledge

Well, if we get to a chapter many moons from now and go "Doesn't this refer back to chapter 7" the resource will be there. Also, considering you like to "earn your understanding" you may have found the right story. Of the many authors I really enjoy, Alan Moore and Neil Gaiman are near the top. So, if you like that "everything is a metaphor" thing you may end up really liking this totally amateur, fan-fiction version of those kinds of stories. Sweetie Belle
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Re: Fallout: Equestria - Fertile Ground

Post by Stringtheory on Sun May 19, 2013 2:52 pm

Warbalist wrote:
stringtheory wrote:Hmm, looks to be quite useful, though I'm not a huge fan of 'spark notes' like things, I like to earn my understanding

As is evidenced by your user name, though that theory and its competing theories are certainly always under scrutiny. /tangentoflimitedknowledge

Well, if we get to a chapter many moons from now and go "Doesn't this refer back to chapter 7" the resource will be there. Also, considering you like to "earn your understanding" you may have found the right story. Of the many authors I really enjoy, Alan Moore and Neil Gaiman are near the top. So, if you like that "everything is a metaphor" thing you may end up really liking this totally amateur, fan-fiction version of those kinds of stories. Sweetie Belle
eh, I'm not a metaphor person, I just feel like having everything blatantly spelled out in a 'spark notes' is cheating yourself
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Re: Fallout: Equestria - Fertile Ground

Post by Warbalist on Sun May 19, 2013 3:41 pm

stringtheory wrote:eh, I'm not a metaphor person, I just feel like having everything blatantly spelled out in a 'spark notes' is cheating yourself

Fair enough. I'll use it for my own reference, then, when I forget what I did several chapters ago! Unfortunately, the devil's in the details, as the cliche goes. Scootaloo
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Re: Fallout: Equestria - Fertile Ground

Post by Kippershy on Sun May 19, 2013 5:54 pm

Don't worry kid. It was just a little annoyance when trying to find out how long your story is to see if I had the motivation to read it or not (with only 31k, you're scraping about the same length as my longest chapter so there's no harm in reading that.
I'll do it tomorrow, being a Britfag and all.
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Re: Fallout: Equestria - Fertile Ground

Post by Warbalist on Sun May 19, 2013 6:04 pm

Kippershy wrote:Don't worry kid.
Those times when people years younger than you call you a kid. Well thanks for making me feel youthful! Sweetie Belle

Kippershy wrote:It was just a little annoyance when trying to find out how long your story is to see if I had the motivation to read it or not (with only 31k, you're scraping about the same length as my longest chapter so there's no harm in reading that.
I'll do it tomorrow, being a Britfag and all.

This story needed short chapters at the beginning. There are around 47 million FO:E side stories, so I really appreciate you giving it a try.
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Re: Fallout: Equestria - Fertile Ground

Post by Kippershy on Mon May 20, 2013 4:19 am

Warbalist wrote:
Kippershy wrote:Don't worry kid.
Those times when people years younger than you call you a kid. Well thanks for making me feel youthful!

Kippershy wrote:It was just a little annoyance when trying to find out how long your story is to see if I had the motivation to read it or not (with only 31k, you're scraping about the same length as my longest chapter so there's no harm in reading that.
I'll do it tomorrow, being a Britfag and all.

This story needed short chapters at the beginning. There are around 47 million FO:E side stories, so I really appreciate you giving it a try.

Haha. I'll call anyone a kid if I don't know their age and feel like it. I'm glad you could laugh instead of be offended in that case.
I still stand by having said it though! *waves fist and grumbles like an old man*
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Re: Fallout: Equestria - Fertile Ground

Post by Warbalist on Mon May 20, 2013 4:30 am

Kippershy wrote:Haha. I'll call anyone a kid if I don't know their age and feel like it. I'm glad you could laugh instead of be offended in that case.
I still stand by having said it though! *waves fist and grumbles like an old man*

"I bet you think old kid's an alien, too."
"How's it goin'?"

But really, who has time to take everything so seriously? Now, let's get back to the PH discussion thread... Trollestia
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Re: Fallout: Equestria - Fertile Ground

Post by Kippershy on Tue May 21, 2013 9:27 am

Finally gonna get round to reading it now. I'll let you know what I think.
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Re: Fallout: Equestria - Fertile Ground

Post by Kippershy on Tue May 21, 2013 10:31 am

chapter one thoughts:

Very confusing beginning. Perhaps it's just me being far too used to how I do my things (which in turn is inspired by/taken from the original/Project Horizons) where I do a quote for the chapter that fits in nicely with the general message/theme of the chapter.
Anyway, after realising that it dives straight in (I think) I'm continuing.

Suggestion - the second paragraph(ish) has a sentence starting with 'But'. Perhaps a word like 'However' would flow better here? Sorry if I sound hostile or pretentious in any way, I've just been pre-reading for someone else lately and I'm noticing all these little things more than ever because of it.

Health is listed twice on the expendatures report.
and how could veterans benefits be a minus number when I assume the rest are positive numbers indicating outgoing finances?
To have a negative would indicate that instead of spending money, you're actually taking it from them, in this situation.
Just something for you to note and either address here or with a quick edit.
---and then I realise the math here. 340 being your overall cost and the other numbers being the individual costs of each part.
Still, that begs the question: why is Vet.Benefits a negative? Surely something like that should be costing the government?
And I assume the government also spends out on things like education, employment, health services and waste management?
So how comes they all cost the government as indicated with positive numbers while the vet.ben is a negative?

Doesn't make sense to me. I mean, I know it's an inane little thing that almost definitely has no real baring on the outcome of the chapter or anything like that, but it's something that confuses me all the same.
Mind explaining what's going on there for me?

Also, that waste management thing. Nice idea, though without context it doesn't really make much sense.
Still, I take it you made that yourself? Good job if so, hopefully you can put that talent into making the atmosphere a bit thicker than is capable with words alone later on or something. I'll definitely keep my eyes peeled for any other easter eggs like this, just for fun.

Nice little New Vegas reference there. Nothing too strong, as direct as it is. I've definitely seen worse for references, so yeah.

Not liking the whole douche thing Marrow has going on. Not saying that the story in general is bad for it, much like how a few people have said they don't like my MC's actions at times but still enjoy things. I have absolutely no issue with swearing, but he seems to get angry and swear at anything and everything. We'll see where this goes...

Okay, now with his sarcasm that follows right after, I can forgive him a slight little bit. Still not overly fond of RAWR RAWR RAWR IM SO ANGRY characters though (when you've not seen enough to justify it, anyway.)

And now I'm hella interested to see what this thing calling out his name is.

This thing will lead them to a new level of control and government? Why do I get the feeling it'll be an alicorn?
Saying that... I'm damn sure it will be now because didn't you say this was set something like twenty years before Pip, when the rangers were only just finding out about them?
...Or am I thinking of one of the other six or so story premises I've had thrown at me lately?

"She" pretty much confirmed for alicorn. I take it I am thinking of the right premise.

Yup, alicorn.

So, we've got an alicorn who seems to be in the same place as say, Rampage from Project Horizons? My guess would either be that she has multiple souls stored in her body, which is unusual for even an alicorn because I remember the original talking about how you could only fit one soul per body or something like that - or much more likely, she was connected to the goddess and something has happened since, disconnecting her but entrapping the minds/memories of several ponies into her own mind.
Either way, could prove to be a very interesting character. Definitely going to continue to watch this one and see how the story progresses with her.

Overall, a decent enough chapter. It's lacking a proper explanation of the world you're writing in but at least it does go for the overused "war, war never changes" line.

I'm not saying you've done a bad job with that. It just leaves you without any clear idea of what the story is about, other than that
Spoiler:
there's an alicorn with something akin to MPD whose being kept in captivity
by a group who unless you've read the original or know the Fallout games enough, would have no clue who they are or anything about them.

Again, not necessarily the worst mistake in the world, especially seeing as you'd expect anyone who has any interest in reading your story would have read the original first (or played the games) and so would know just enough to get by.

You could improve things with a simple 500 - 1,000 word prologue just to set the world, but I expect you'll be doing the same job with successive chapters.

7.5/10 so far, definitely something I'll keep reading. Can't judge a book by the very first pages, after all.
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Re: Fallout: Equestria - Fertile Ground

Post by Warbalist on Tue May 21, 2013 1:17 pm

Kippershy wrote:
chapter one thoughts:

Very confusing beginning. Perhaps it's just me being far too used to how I do my things (which in turn is inspired by/taken from the original/Project Horizons) where I do a quote for the chapter that fits in nicely with the general message/theme of the chapter.
Anyway, after realising that it dives straight in (I think) I'm continuing.

Yep. Very confusing. I blame Stanley Kubrick. If a movie is difficult for me to follow for at least the first half of it, I'm so there.

Kippershy wrote:
chapter one thoughts:

Health is listed twice on the expendatures report.
and how could veterans benefits be a minus number when I assume the rest are positive numbers indicating outgoing finances?
To have a negative would indicate that instead of spending money, you're actually taking it from them, in this situation.
Just something for you to note and either address here or with a quick edit.
---and then I realise the math here. 340 being your overall cost and the other numbers being the individual costs of each part.
Still, that begs the question: why is Vet.Benefits a negative? Surely something like that should be costing the government?
And I assume the government also spends out on things like education, employment, health services and waste management?
So how comes they all cost the government as indicated with positive numbers while the vet.ben is a negative?

Doesn't make sense to me. I mean, I know it's an inane little thing that almost definitely has no real baring on the outcome of the chapter or anything like that, but it's something that confuses me all the same.
Mind explaining what's going on there for me?
Spoiler:

Actually, that's a very good point. Math is certainly not my strong suit. Finances less so, unfortunately. What you say makes sense, and is an extremely simple fix. Thanks for bringing it up.

Kippershy wrote:
chapter one thoughts:

Also, that waste management thing. Nice idea, though without context it doesn't really make much sense.
Still, I take it you made that yourself? Good job if so, hopefully you can put that talent into making the atmosphere a bit thicker than is capable with words alone later on or something. I'll definitely keep my eyes peeled for any other easter eggs like this, just for fun.
Spoiler:
All those pieces are just improvisations to go along with what I feel about the chapter. Music is my main gig. I'm a music teacher, guitar player and (when I can scrounge a gig) a composer. I was originally wanting to use my YouTube to drive traffic to the fic, but as some of my students know about my YouTube, I'm not entirely sure I want them to know I'm writing this story. Ah, well. We'll see.

Kippershy wrote:
chapter one thoughts:

Not liking the whole douche thing Marrow has going on. Not saying that the story in general is bad for it, much like how a few people have said they don't like my MC's actions at times but still enjoy things. I have absolutely no issue with swearing, but he seems to get angry and swear at anything and everything. We'll see where this goes...

Okay, now with his sarcasm that follows right after, I can forgive him a slight little bit. Still not overly fond of RAWR RAWR RAWR IM SO ANGRY characters though (when you've not seen enough to justify it, anyway.)

Spoiler:

I can't stand Marrow. He's awful. And so crabby, especially this chapter. Maybe he's under too much stress? Maybe he needs a Snickers? (Are they still called Marathons in the U.K., by the way?) Of course, I'm sure it had nothing to do with the fact that this was the first bit of fiction I've written in, oh, 20 or so years. No way. Thank God for yetanotherpony, who's giving me quite the creative writing course as we move along. I picked him up as an editor on chapter 4. There is certainly a big difference after that chapter. As a minor spoiler: Marrow becomes more the pragmatic sociopath as the story progresses and less of the "I'm continuously having a crummy day" type.

Kippershy wrote:
chapter one thoughts:

Yup, alicorn.

So, we've got an alicorn who seems to be in the same place as say, Rampage from Project Horizons? My guess would either be that she has multiple souls stored in her body, which is unusual for even an alicorn because I remember the original talking about how you could only fit one soul per body or something like that - or much more likely, she was connected to the goddess and something has happened since, disconnecting her but entrapping the minds/memories of several ponies into her own mind.
Either way, could prove to be a very interesting character. Definitely going to continue to watch this one and see how the story progresses with her.

Spoiler:

Yes. This chapter was a little more simple in its premise. Headcanon, as I've sang (very poorly, I might add) in a song, is a dangerous thing. My headcanon for the first alicorns my be different than the thoughts of others. Here's my thought, if you'll indulge me: the alicorns are more of a radio for thoughts. Goddess broadcasts her thoughts throughout the world and controls these fairly empty husks. Their brains may fill with memories and such, but Goddess must control the flow otherwise you get what we have here - a husk with too many voices and memories. This is definitely a place where I take license. Alicorns and this type of mind control is new for Goddess, and I wanted to see her "first steps", if you will.

Kippershy wrote:
Overall, a decent enough chapter. It's lacking a proper explanation of the world you're writing in but at least it does {EDIT: did you mean doesn't?} go for the overused "war, war never changes" line.

I'm not saying you've done a bad job with that. It just leaves you without any clear idea of what the story is about, other than that
Spoiler:
there's an alicorn with something akin to MPD whose being kept in captivity
by a group who unless you've read the original or know the Fallout games enough, would have no clue who they are or anything about them.

Again, not necessarily the worst mistake in the world, especially seeing as you'd expect anyone who has any interest in reading your story would have read the original first (or played the games) and so would know just enough to get by.

You could improve things with a simple 500 - 1,000 word prologue just to set the world, but I expect you'll be doing the same job with successive chapters.

7.5/10 so far, definitely something I'll keep reading. Can't judge a book by the very first pages, after all.

Well, thank you so much for reading, and sharing your thoughts in such a constructive way. That's really generous of you. As far as a prologue goes: it's an interesting concept, though it might just be a link-through to the original FO:E. But there are, like, 800 billion FO:E side stories and this one is certainly not for everyone. Not trying to say that in a haughty way, by the way. Stupid text, with it's lack of body language and tone.
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Re: Fallout: Equestria - Fertile Ground

Post by Kippershy on Tue May 21, 2013 2:32 pm

Warbalist wrote:
Kippershy wrote:
chapter one thoughts:

Very confusing beginning. Perhaps it's just me being far too used to how I do my things (which in turn is inspired by/taken from the original/Project Horizons) where I do a quote for the chapter that fits in nicely with the general message/theme of the chapter.
Anyway, after realising that it dives straight in (I think) I'm continuing.

Yep. Very confusing. I blame Stanley Kubrick. If a movie is difficult for me to follow for at least the first half of it, I'm so there.

Kippershy wrote:
chapter one thoughts:

Health is listed twice on the expendatures report.
and how could veterans benefits be a minus number when I assume the rest are positive numbers indicating outgoing finances?
To have a negative would indicate that instead of spending money, you're actually taking it from them, in this situation.
Just something for you to note and either address here or with a quick edit.
---and then I realise the math here. 340 being your overall cost and the other numbers being the individual costs of each part.
Still, that begs the question: why is Vet.Benefits a negative? Surely something like that should be costing the government?
And I assume the government also spends out on things like education, employment, health services and waste management?
So how comes they all cost the government as indicated with positive numbers while the vet.ben is a negative?

Doesn't make sense to me. I mean, I know it's an inane little thing that almost definitely has no real baring on the outcome of the chapter or anything like that, but it's something that confuses me all the same.
Mind explaining what's going on there for me?
Spoiler:

Actually, that's a very good point. Math is certainly not my strong suit. Finances less so, unfortunately. What you say makes sense, and is an extremely simple fix. Thanks for bringing it up.

Kippershy wrote:
chapter one thoughts:

Also, that waste management thing. Nice idea, though without context it doesn't really make much sense.
Still, I take it you made that yourself? Good job if so, hopefully you can put that talent into making the atmosphere a bit thicker than is capable with words alone later on or something. I'll definitely keep my eyes peeled for any other easter eggs like this, just for fun.
Spoiler:
All those pieces are just improvisations to go along with what I feel about the chapter. Music is my main gig. I'm a music teacher, guitar player and (when I can scrounge a gig) a composer. I was originally wanting to use my YouTube to drive traffic to the fic, but as some of my students know about my YouTube, I'm not entirely sure I want them to know I'm writing this story. Ah, well. We'll see.

Kippershy wrote:
chapter one thoughts:

Not liking the whole douche thing Marrow has going on. Not saying that the story in general is bad for it, much like how a few people have said they don't like my MC's actions at times but still enjoy things. I have absolutely no issue with swearing, but he seems to get angry and swear at anything and everything. We'll see where this goes...

Okay, now with his sarcasm that follows right after, I can forgive him a slight little bit. Still not overly fond of RAWR RAWR RAWR IM SO ANGRY characters though (when you've not seen enough to justify it, anyway.)

Spoiler:

I can't stand Marrow. He's awful. And so crabby, especially this chapter. Maybe he's under too much stress? Maybe he needs a Snickers? (Are they still called Marathons in the U.K., by the way?) Of course, I'm sure it had nothing to do with the fact that this was the first bit of fiction I've written in, oh, 20 or so years. No way. Thank God for yetanotherpony, who's giving me quite the creative writing course as we move along. I picked him up as an editor on chapter 4. There is certainly a big difference after that chapter. As a minor spoiler: Marrow becomes more the pragmatic sociopath as the story progresses and less of the "I'm continuously having a crummy day" type.

Kippershy wrote:
chapter one thoughts:

Yup, alicorn.

So, we've got an alicorn who seems to be in the same place as say, Rampage from Project Horizons? My guess would either be that she has multiple souls stored in her body, which is unusual for even an alicorn because I remember the original talking about how you could only fit one soul per body or something like that - or much more likely, she was connected to the goddess and something has happened since, disconnecting her but entrapping the minds/memories of several ponies into her own mind.
Either way, could prove to be a very interesting character. Definitely going to continue to watch this one and see how the story progresses with her.

Spoiler:

Yes. This chapter was a little more simple in its premise. Headcanon, as I've sang (very poorly, I might add) in a song, is a dangerous thing. My headcanon for the first alicorns my be different than the thoughts of others. Here's my thought, if you'll indulge me: the alicorns are more of a radio for thoughts. Goddess broadcasts her thoughts throughout the world and controls these fairly empty husks. Their brains may fill with memories and such, but Goddess must control the flow otherwise you get what we have here - a husk with too many voices and memories. This is definitely a place where I take license. Alicorns and this type of mind control is new for Goddess, and I wanted to see her "first steps", if you will.

Kippershy wrote:
Overall, a decent enough chapter. It's lacking a proper explanation of the world you're writing in but at least it does {EDIT: did you mean doesn't?} go for the overused "war, war never changes" line.

I'm not saying you've done a bad job with that. It just leaves you without any clear idea of what the story is about, other than that
Spoiler:
there's an alicorn with something akin to MPD whose being kept in captivity
by a group who unless you've read the original or know the Fallout games enough, would have no clue who they are or anything about them.

Again, not necessarily the worst mistake in the world, especially seeing as you'd expect anyone who has any interest in reading your story would have read the original first (or played the games) and so would know just enough to get by.

You could improve things with a simple 500 - 1,000 word prologue just to set the world, but I expect you'll be doing the same job with successive chapters.

7.5/10 so far, definitely something I'll keep reading. Can't judge a book by the very first pages, after all.

Well, thank you so much for reading, and sharing your thoughts in such a constructive way. That's really generous of you. As far as a prologue goes: it's an interesting concept, though it might just be a link-through to the original FO:E. But there are, like, 800 billion FO:E side stories and this one is certainly not for everyone. Not trying to say that in a haughty way, by the way. Stupid text, with it's lack of body language and tone.

I like it. I'm also glad you know how to take such commentaries and make something useful out of them.
First of all, I'd just like to say giving you a 7.5 isn't a bad thing. I know everyone wants to hit 10/10, but I reserve the highest marks for someone who has the writing style of the original or Project Horizons (because no matter what problems you may or may not see in it, no-one can deny the technical writing skill is superb.)
7.5 is my way of saying "good start, definitely going to read more of it but since this is early days, I won't throw all my eggs in one basket of hype." ...and so, a 7.5 right now is more like a 9/10 overall.

The math thing is something that comes natural to me, so when I saw that it really threw me off. It's probably the very same reason why I would always correct my teacher back in school if she slipped up with an equation.
So yeah, glad I could point that out for you. I know most people probably won't notice it and even if they do, they won't care half as much as I did (and even then, I was far from throwing a hissy fit, even with as much of a point as I made of it. I just wanted to point it out.) So yeah, that's not a big problem.
Glad you can take it in your stride!

Ahh, nice. Given the fact you've not written in twenty years odd, but you're a teacher... I'll go out on a limb and say you last wrote anything when you were about 14, perhaps 15. Given twenty years onto that, 34-35. Correct? Haha. (Inb4 I'm wrong.)

That's interesting to hear that even you find Marrow to be an awful pony. (And again, not necessarily awfully written, because hey, some people ARE just assholes.)
I don't think I've written any characters thus far that I've really hated. I mean, there's been some who do things that hurt my beloved characters but I haven't hated them for it because after all, they're only doing those things because they have to do so to make the story better. So yeah, interesting to see your thoughts on him and I'm glad that he makes some changes later on. Should make things interesting to read.

As for the headcanon you have about that particular subject... can't really complain there. Kkat never gave any official detailed histories for that particular subject or its inner workings so, yeah. So far you're doing a good job and you've not completely torn the canon apart and said your version of events is the true way despite it completely clashing with the original... so I haven't got any reason to complain.
I know I'm guilty of doing the little things like this to benefit myself so I definitely can't complain when others do it.



Again, thank you for being so accepting and knowing how to take constructive comments and critique. I'm definitely going to be reading more of it and the way you respond to feedback only reinforces my desire to do so. There's nothing worse than when an author simply refuses to acknowledge your valid points when you've made the effort to present them in a (hopefully) helpful manner and to be told that they don't want to see them - only the praise.

So yeah, good job! I'll be sure to carry on with my as-I-read reviews when I do chapter two and on.
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Re: Fallout: Equestria - Fertile Ground

Post by Warbalist on Tue May 21, 2013 4:12 pm

Kippershy wrote:
Ahh, nice. Given the fact you've not written in twenty years odd, but you're a teacher... I'll go out on a limb and say you last wrote anything when you were about 14, perhaps 15. Given twenty years onto that, 34-35. Correct? Haha. (Inb4 I'm wrong.)

Try again! The last time I wrote anything that wasn't an essay or music/lyrics was when I was in fifth grade, and I was 10. Though, that's pretty dang close.

Kippershy wrote:
That's interesting to hear that even you find Marrow to be an awful pony. (And again, not necessarily awfully written, because hey, some people ARE just assholes.)
I don't think I've written any characters thus far that I've really hated. I mean, there's been some who do things that hurt my beloved characters but I haven't hated them for it because after all, they're only doing those things because they have to do so to make the story better. So yeah, interesting to see your thoughts on him and I'm glad that he makes some changes later on. Should make things interesting to read.

Oh, he's terrible, but he's a good story lubricant.

Kippershy wrote:
Again, thank you for being so accepting and knowing how to take constructive comments and critique. I'm definitely going to be reading more of it and the way you respond to feedback only reinforces my desire to do so. There's nothing worse than when an author simply refuses to acknowledge your valid points when you've made the effort to present them in a (hopefully) helpful manner and to be told that they don't want to see them - only the praise.

So yeah, good job! I'll be sure to carry on with my as-I-read reviews when I do chapter two and on.

I've always been a fan of "praise in public, but rebuke in private." I'm also a MASSIVE fan of specifics in criticism. A general, "Aw, dude, that's tight!" or a "This sucks" doesn't help me write any better. I'm not trying to be pony-famous with the music or anything else I do in the fandom. I just want to practice and hone my skills. I consider myself extremely lucky for meeting people who are willing to help out. Say what you will about the bronies, they're still far and away more helpful and polite than online guitarists. Shy
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Re: Fallout: Equestria - Fertile Ground

Post by Kippershy on Tue May 21, 2013 4:32 pm

Warbalist wrote:
Kippershy wrote:
Ahh, nice. Given the fact you've not written in twenty years odd, but you're a teacher... I'll go out on a limb and say you last wrote anything when you were about 14, perhaps 15. Given twenty years onto that, 34-35. Correct? Haha. (Inb4 I'm wrong.)

Try again! The last time I wrote anything that wasn't an essay or music/lyrics was when I was in fifth grade, and I was 10. Though, that's pretty dang close.

Kippershy wrote:
That's interesting to hear that even you find Marrow to be an awful pony. (And again, not necessarily awfully written, because hey, some people ARE just assholes.)
I don't think I've written any characters thus far that I've really hated. I mean, there's been some who do things that hurt my beloved characters but I haven't hated them for it because after all, they're only doing those things because they have to do so to make the story better. So yeah, interesting to see your thoughts on him and I'm glad that he makes some changes later on. Should make things interesting to read.

Oh, he's terrible, but he's a good story lubricant.

Kippershy wrote:
Again, thank you for being so accepting and knowing how to take constructive comments and critique. I'm definitely going to be reading more of it and the way you respond to feedback only reinforces my desire to do so. There's nothing worse than when an author simply refuses to acknowledge your valid points when you've made the effort to present them in a (hopefully) helpful manner and to be told that they don't want to see them - only the praise.

So yeah, good job! I'll be sure to carry on with my as-I-read reviews when I do chapter two and on.

I've always been a fan of "praise in public, but rebuke in private." I'm also a MASSIVE fan of specifics in criticism. A general, "Aw, dude, that's tight!" or a "This sucks" doesn't help me write any better. I'm not trying to be pony-famous with the music or anything else I do in the fandom. I just want to practice and hone my skills. I consider myself extremely lucky for meeting people who are willing to help out. Say what you will about the bronies, they're still far and away more helpful and polite than online guitarists.

I know what you mean with the specifics in criticism (and praise) oh so bad.
With my own story, I've received quite a few "good chapter"'s but... what was good about it? What did you particularly enjoy? I want to know so I can continue to pull it off and hell, improve that particular part even further!
And even more so for criticism like you say, how can you improve something if you haven't got the slightest clue of where to start? You can't.
If you're given something concrete, you know what to focus on.

So yeah, I hope I did a good enough job for you on that part. If there was more substance to each chapter I'd be able to give you a better insight to it all, but of course with the short chapter length there's not too much that can be said unless I want to become very, very picky and mention just about anything and everything - but that's now who I am or what I do. Writing styles are different for everyone and I can't bring myself to complain just because you're using third person instead of first or you're doing x instead of y when both methods are completely acceptable methods of writing.

...So yeah.
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Re: Fallout: Equestria - Fertile Ground

Post by Kippershy on Wed Jun 12, 2013 5:12 pm

Just to let you know, I am still going to be reading this, I just haven't been in a reading (or writing) mood as of late for personal reasons.
Sorry for getting through the first chapter then leaving you hanging on what's going on.
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Re: Fallout: Equestria - Fertile Ground

Post by Warbalist on Wed Jun 12, 2013 9:58 pm

Kippershy wrote:Just to let you know, I am still going to be reading this, I just haven't been in a reading (or writing) mood as of late for personal reasons.
Sorry for getting through the first chapter then leaving you hanging on what's going on.
Oh, no no no.  Don't allow yourself to apologize for something you don't need to apologize for.  I'm a slow writer, there's no rush, and you didn't need to read it in the first place.

If/when you do feel like reading again, I wrote a short story for the FO:E group on FiMFiction.  It's called Despedida, and it's just a little, 1,200 word taste of what else is happening near Applewood and Celestia's Acre.

Hope things go better for you.  Keep killin' it.
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Re: Fallout: Equestria - Fertile Ground

Post by Warbalist on Fri Aug 30, 2013 5:42 pm

I can't believe how long it's been, but the new chapter is finally out, hooray!  Here, have a little linky to the tumblr post:  http://foefertileground.tumblr.com/post/59745536763/i-feel-extremely-lucky
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Re: Fallout: Equestria - Fertile Ground

Post by Kippershy on Sat Aug 31, 2013 10:56 am

I keep meaning to get back to reading this, but I always either forget to when I am in the mood for reading, or ain't in the mood for reading.
or have something like eight different projects to work on and thus don't know what to do, leading me to not be in the mood.
Sorry, I will get back to it at some point.
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Re: Fallout: Equestria - Fertile Ground

Post by Warbalist on Sat Aug 31, 2013 12:14 pm

Kippershy wrote:I keep meaning to get back to reading this, but I always either forget to when I am in the mood for reading, or ain't in the mood for reading.
or have something like eight different projects to work on and thus don't know what to do, leading me to not be in the mood.
Sorry, I will get back to it at some point.
Haha!  I know how that feels, especially when real life decides to join the pummeling party.  You wake up one morning after months have gone by and ask yourself "what happened"?
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Re: Fallout: Equestria - Fertile Ground

Post by Kippershy on Sat Aug 31, 2013 1:29 pm

Pretty much, yeah.
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Re: Fallout: Equestria - Fertile Ground

Post by Plasticube on Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:33 pm

Well its good to know that real life has improved for you to the point you can get back to writing again:)

Now to read everything again from the beginning.

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Re: Fallout: Equestria - Fertile Ground

Post by Warbalist on Sat Aug 31, 2013 5:53 pm

Plasticube wrote:Well its good to know that real life has improved for you to the point you can get back to writing again:)

Now to read everything again from the beginning.
Because I'm not a quick writer and this story is fairly complex, I made a "Previously on Fertile Ground" document: https://docs.google.com/document/d/16zwNlIChneFTzPNdG3ShV2pkFB-V_QplYWR8ykBstXQ/edit

More wiki pages for names, groups and locations are required.  That will probably happen after this next chapter (halfway through writing, and inertia is building up again, yay).  I may also have to create a timeline.
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Re: Fallout: Equestria - Fertile Ground

Post by Warbalist on Fri Sep 13, 2013 2:44 pm

Well, without a consistent editor this chapter came out rather quickly!  BEWARE!

Chapter 8 on GDrive, FiMFiction.

Hub page on GDrive, FiMFiction.

Previously on...
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