Fallout: Equestria - Fertile Ground

by Warbalist Sun May 19, 2013 2:00 am

I was told to mosey into this town by CamoBadger, volrathxp and Fuzzy. At least, I believe Fuzzy said something about it.

Anyway, this story has reached chapter 6. You can find it on Google Drive or on FIM Fiction.

Fallout: Equestria - Fertile Ground
Chapter 6 here or on FIM Fiction here.

Fallout: Equestria - Fertile Ground Fertile_ground_by_mistermech-d5ticmc

The blurb is:

In the previously star-studded streets of Applewood, the once entertainment capital of Equestria, the lives of a scribe, a farmer, three spies, an inventor, a store clerk, a broken-hearted warrior and a bodyguard cross paths in a tale of deceit and corruption.

Can friendship survive a power struggle?

---

This is a story set quite a number of years before Littlepip, and on the west coast. The first alicorn is spotted by the Steel Rangers. Where did this creature come from? How was it made? What technology is responsible? How powerful could the wielder of this technology become? Who can put the puzzle together to get there first?

That's the gist. It's also rife with metaphor, so if you enjoy digging deeper into what each character represents or what the story is actually about, you may enjoy over-analyzing it... and me. I also improvise a short piece of music to go with each chapter, so even if you don't like the story, you can snag some wasteland music from one of those FO:E Radio guys.

Thank you for reading through this ridiculous advertisement.

EDITED: For linkies.

by Frost Sun May 19, 2013 8:23 am

I'll be sure to pop this right into my Read Later list. I've just graduated, so naturally I've some spare time on my hands

by Stringtheory Sun May 19, 2013 11:43 am

Oh, it's this story! I'm just in the process of reading chapter six right now. Like I said in my comment on FiMfiction a while back: good writing, now if only I could figure out where the plot's going...

by Kippershy Sun May 19, 2013 11:55 am

You know what would be lovely?
Linking to the god damn main page of it in your main post.
I hated you so much because trying to get there on my mobile was a bastard.
Please fix this.

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/80925/fallout-equestria-fertile-ground

by Warbalist Sun May 19, 2013 1:39 pm

Mister Frost: That's awesome! Congratulations. What's going to be your field of study in college?

String Theory: The first part of the story seems a bit frayed, doesn't it? Well it has its reasons. Things start pulling together this last chapter and really come into focus by chapter nine. The entire story is constructed, now if only I could force more hours from the day to write it! Also, thank you. And, did you know, there is now a "Previously, on Fertile Ground" document which recounts the goings on of past chapters? Did this because I don't update as often as other stories. You can get there from the main, Google Drive page, which brings me to:

Kippershy: Oops. Sorry. Fixing this now. Shy

by Stringtheory Sun May 19, 2013 1:49 pm

Warbalist wrote:String Theory: The first part of the story seems a bit frayed, doesn't it? Well it has its reasons. Things start pulling together this last chapter and really come into focus by chapter nine. The entire story is constructed, now if only I could force more hours from the day to write it! Also, thank you. And, did you know, there is now a "Previously, on Fertile Ground" document which recounts the goings on of past chapters? Did this because I don't update as often as other stories. You can get there from the main, Google Drive page, which brings me to:

Hmm, looks to be quite useful, though I'm not a huge fan of 'spark notes' like things, I like to earn my understanding

by Warbalist Sun May 19, 2013 2:12 pm

stringtheory wrote:Hmm, looks to be quite useful, though I'm not a huge fan of 'spark notes' like things, I like to earn my understanding

As is evidenced by your user name, though that theory and its competing theories are certainly always under scrutiny. /tangentoflimitedknowledge

Well, if we get to a chapter many moons from now and go "Doesn't this refer back to chapter 7" the resource will be there. Also, considering you like to "earn your understanding" you may have found the right story. Of the many authors I really enjoy, Alan Moore and Neil Gaiman are near the top. So, if you like that "everything is a metaphor" thing you may end up really liking this totally amateur, fan-fiction version of those kinds of stories. Sweetie Belle

by Stringtheory Sun May 19, 2013 2:52 pm

Warbalist wrote:
stringtheory wrote:Hmm, looks to be quite useful, though I'm not a huge fan of 'spark notes' like things, I like to earn my understanding

As is evidenced by your user name, though that theory and its competing theories are certainly always under scrutiny. /tangentoflimitedknowledge

Well, if we get to a chapter many moons from now and go "Doesn't this refer back to chapter 7" the resource will be there. Also, considering you like to "earn your understanding" you may have found the right story. Of the many authors I really enjoy, Alan Moore and Neil Gaiman are near the top. So, if you like that "everything is a metaphor" thing you may end up really liking this totally amateur, fan-fiction version of those kinds of stories.

eh, I'm not a metaphor person, I just feel like having everything blatantly spelled out in a 'spark notes' is cheating yourself

by Warbalist Sun May 19, 2013 3:41 pm

stringtheory wrote:eh, I'm not a metaphor person, I just feel like having everything blatantly spelled out in a 'spark notes' is cheating yourself

Fair enough. I'll use it for my own reference, then, when I forget what I did several chapters ago! Unfortunately, the devil's in the details, as the cliche goes. Scootaloo

by Kippershy Sun May 19, 2013 5:54 pm

Don't worry kid. It was just a little annoyance when trying to find out how long your story is to see if I had the motivation to read it or not (with only 31k, you're scraping about the same length as my longest chapter so there's no harm in reading that.
I'll do it tomorrow, being a Britfag and all.

by Warbalist Sun May 19, 2013 6:04 pm

Kippershy wrote:Don't worry kid.

Those times when people years younger than you call you a kid. Well thanks for making me feel youthful! Sweetie Belle

Kippershy wrote:It was just a little annoyance when trying to find out how long your story is to see if I had the motivation to read it or not (with only 31k, you're scraping about the same length as my longest chapter so there's no harm in reading that.
I'll do it tomorrow, being a Britfag and all.

This story needed short chapters at the beginning. There are around 47 million FO:E side stories, so I really appreciate you giving it a try.

by Kippershy Mon May 20, 2013 4:19 am

Warbalist wrote:
Kippershy wrote:Don't worry kid.
Those times when people years younger than you call you a kid. Well thanks for making me feel youthful!

Kippershy wrote:It was just a little annoyance when trying to find out how long your story is to see if I had the motivation to read it or not (with only 31k, you're scraping about the same length as my longest chapter so there's no harm in reading that.
I'll do it tomorrow, being a Britfag and all.

This story needed short chapters at the beginning. There are around 47 million FO:E side stories, so I really appreciate you giving it a try.

Haha. I'll call anyone a kid if I don't know their age and feel like it. I'm glad you could laugh instead of be offended in that case.
I still stand by having said it though! *waves fist and grumbles like an old man*

by Warbalist Mon May 20, 2013 4:30 am

Kippershy wrote:Haha. I'll call anyone a kid if I don't know their age and feel like it. I'm glad you could laugh instead of be offended in that case.
I still stand by having said it though! *waves fist and grumbles like an old man*

"I bet you think old kid's an alien, too."
"How's it goin'?"

But really, who has time to take everything so seriously? Now, let's get back to the PH discussion thread... Trollestia

by Kippershy Tue May 21, 2013 9:27 am

Finally gonna get round to reading it now. I'll let you know what I think.

by Kippershy Tue May 21, 2013 10:31 am

chapter one thoughts:

Overall, a decent enough chapter. It's lacking a proper explanation of the world you're writing in but at least it does go for the overused "war, war never changes" line.

I'm not saying you've done a bad job with that. It just leaves you without any clear idea of what the story is about, other than that

Spoiler:

by a group who unless you've read the original or know the Fallout games enough, would have no clue who they are or anything about them.

Again, not necessarily the worst mistake in the world, especially seeing as you'd expect anyone who has any interest in reading your story would have read the original first (or played the games) and so would know just enough to get by.

You could improve things with a simple 500 - 1,000 word prologue just to set the world, but I expect you'll be doing the same job with successive chapters.

7.5/10 so far, definitely something I'll keep reading. Can't judge a book by the very first pages, after all.

by Warbalist Tue May 21, 2013 1:17 pm

Kippershy wrote:
chapter one thoughts:

Yep. Very confusing. I blame Stanley Kubrick. If a movie is difficult for me to follow for at least the first half of it, I'm so there.

Kippershy wrote:
chapter one thoughts:

Spoiler:

Kippershy wrote:
chapter one thoughts:

Spoiler:

Kippershy wrote:
chapter one thoughts:

Spoiler:

Kippershy wrote:
chapter one thoughts:

Spoiler:

Kippershy wrote:
Overall, a decent enough chapter. It's lacking a proper explanation of the world you're writing in but at least it does {EDIT: did you mean doesn't?} go for the overused "war, war never changes" line.

I'm not saying you've done a bad job with that. It just leaves you without any clear idea of what the story is about, other than that
Spoiler:
by a group who unless you've read the original or know the Fallout games enough, would have no clue who they are or anything about them.

Again, not necessarily the worst mistake in the world, especially seeing as you'd expect anyone who has any interest in reading your story would have read the original first (or played the games) and so would know just enough to get by.

You could improve things with a simple 500 - 1,000 word prologue just to set the world, but I expect you'll be doing the same job with successive chapters.

7.5/10 so far, definitely something I'll keep reading. Can't judge a book by the very first pages, after all.

Well, thank you so much for reading, and sharing your thoughts in such a constructive way. That's really generous of you. As far as a prologue goes: it's an interesting concept, though it might just be a link-through to the original FO:E. But there are, like, 800 billion FO:E side stories and this one is certainly not for everyone. Not trying to say that in a haughty way, by the way. Stupid text, with it's lack of body language and tone.

by Kippershy Tue May 21, 2013 2:32 pm

Warbalist wrote:
Kippershy wrote:
chapter one thoughts:

Yep. Very confusing. I blame Stanley Kubrick. If a movie is difficult for me to follow for at least the first half of it, I'm so there.

Kippershy wrote:
chapter one thoughts:
Spoiler:

Kippershy wrote:
chapter one thoughts:
Spoiler:

Kippershy wrote:
chapter one thoughts:

Spoiler:

Kippershy wrote:
chapter one thoughts:

Spoiler:

Kippershy wrote:
Overall, a decent enough chapter. It's lacking a proper explanation of the world you're writing in but at least it does {EDIT: did you mean doesn't?} go for the overused "war, war never changes" line.

I'm not saying you've done a bad job with that. It just leaves you without any clear idea of what the story is about, other than that
Spoiler:
by a group who unless you've read the original or know the Fallout games enough, would have no clue who they are or anything about them.

Again, not necessarily the worst mistake in the world, especially seeing as you'd expect anyone who has any interest in reading your story would have read the original first (or played the games) and so would know just enough to get by.

You could improve things with a simple 500 - 1,000 word prologue just to set the world, but I expect you'll be doing the same job with successive chapters.

7.5/10 so far, definitely something I'll keep reading. Can't judge a book by the very first pages, after all.

Well, thank you so much for reading, and sharing your thoughts in such a constructive way. That's really generous of you. As far as a prologue goes: it's an interesting concept, though it might just be a link-through to the original FO:E. But there are, like, 800 billion FO:E side stories and this one is certainly not for everyone. Not trying to say that in a haughty way, by the way. Stupid text, with it's lack of body language and tone.

I like it. I'm also glad you know how to take such commentaries and make something useful out of them.
First of all, I'd just like to say giving you a 7.5 isn't a bad thing. I know everyone wants to hit 10/10, but I reserve the highest marks for someone who has the writing style of the original or Project Horizons (because no matter what problems you may or may not see in it, no-one can deny the technical writing skill is superb.)
7.5 is my way of saying "good start, definitely going to read more of it but since this is early days, I won't throw all my eggs in one basket of hype." ...and so, a 7.5 right now is more like a 9/10 overall.

The math thing is something that comes natural to me, so when I saw that it really threw me off. It's probably the very same reason why I would always correct my teacher back in school if she slipped up with an equation.
So yeah, glad I could point that out for you. I know most people probably won't notice it and even if they do, they won't care half as much as I did (and even then, I was far from throwing a hissy fit, even with as much of a point as I made of it. I just wanted to point it out.) So yeah, that's not a big problem.
Glad you can take it in your stride!

Ahh, nice. Given the fact you've not written in twenty years odd, but you're a teacher... I'll go out on a limb and say you last wrote anything when you were about 14, perhaps 15. Given twenty years onto that, 34-35. Correct? Haha. (Inb4 I'm wrong.)

That's interesting to hear that even you find Marrow to be an awful pony. (And again, not necessarily awfully written, because hey, some people ARE just assholes.)
I don't think I've written any characters thus far that I've really hated. I mean, there's been some who do things that hurt my beloved characters but I haven't hated them for it because after all, they're only doing those things because they have to do so to make the story better. So yeah, interesting to see your thoughts on him and I'm glad that he makes some changes later on. Should make things interesting to read.

As for the headcanon you have about that particular subject... can't really complain there. Kkat never gave any official detailed histories for that particular subject or its inner workings so, yeah. So far you're doing a good job and you've not completely torn the canon apart and said your version of events is the true way despite it completely clashing with the original... so I haven't got any reason to complain.
I know I'm guilty of doing the little things like this to benefit myself so I definitely can't complain when others do it.

Again, thank you for being so accepting and knowing how to take constructive comments and critique. I'm definitely going to be reading more of it and the way you respond to feedback only reinforces my desire to do so. There's nothing worse than when an author simply refuses to acknowledge your valid points when you've made the effort to present them in a (hopefully) helpful manner and to be told that they don't want to see them - only the praise.

So yeah, good job! I'll be sure to carry on with my as-I-read reviews when I do chapter two and on.

by Warbalist Tue May 21, 2013 4:12 pm

Kippershy wrote:
Ahh, nice. Given the fact you've not written in twenty years odd, but you're a teacher... I'll go out on a limb and say you last wrote anything when you were about 14, perhaps 15. Given twenty years onto that, 34-35. Correct? Haha. (Inb4 I'm wrong.)

Try again! The last time I wrote anything that wasn't an essay or music/lyrics was when I was in fifth grade, and I was 10. Though, that's pretty dang close.

Kippershy wrote:
That's interesting to hear that even you find Marrow to be an awful pony. (And again, not necessarily awfully written, because hey, some people ARE just assholes.)
I don't think I've written any characters thus far that I've really hated. I mean, there's been some who do things that hurt my beloved characters but I haven't hated them for it because after all, they're only doing those things because they have to do so to make the story better. So yeah, interesting to see your thoughts on him and I'm glad that he makes some changes later on. Should make things interesting to read.

Oh, he's terrible, but he's a good story lubricant.

Kippershy wrote:
Again, thank you for being so accepting and knowing how to take constructive comments and critique. I'm definitely going to be reading more of it and the way you respond to feedback only reinforces my desire to do so. There's nothing worse than when an author simply refuses to acknowledge your valid points when you've made the effort to present them in a (hopefully) helpful manner and to be told that they don't want to see them - only the praise.

So yeah, good job! I'll be sure to carry on with my as-I-read reviews when I do chapter two and on.

I've always been a fan of "praise in public, but rebuke in private." I'm also a MASSIVE fan of specifics in criticism. A general, "Aw, dude, that's tight!" or a "This sucks" doesn't help me write any better. I'm not trying to be pony-famous with the music or anything else I do in the fandom. I just want to practice and hone my skills. I consider myself extremely lucky for meeting people who are willing to help out. Say what you will about the bronies, they're still far and away more helpful and polite than online guitarists. Shy

by Kippershy Tue May 21, 2013 4:32 pm

Warbalist wrote:
Kippershy wrote:
Ahh, nice. Given the fact you've not written in twenty years odd, but you're a teacher... I'll go out on a limb and say you last wrote anything when you were about 14, perhaps 15. Given twenty years onto that, 34-35. Correct? Haha. (Inb4 I'm wrong.)

Try again! The last time I wrote anything that wasn't an essay or music/lyrics was when I was in fifth grade, and I was 10. Though, that's pretty dang close.

Kippershy wrote:
That's interesting to hear that even you find Marrow to be an awful pony. (And again, not necessarily awfully written, because hey, some people ARE just assholes.)
I don't think I've written any characters thus far that I've really hated. I mean, there's been some who do things that hurt my beloved characters but I haven't hated them for it because after all, they're only doing those things because they have to do so to make the story better. So yeah, interesting to see your thoughts on him and I'm glad that he makes some changes later on. Should make things interesting to read.

Oh, he's terrible, but he's a good story lubricant.

Kippershy wrote:
Again, thank you for being so accepting and knowing how to take constructive comments and critique. I'm definitely going to be reading more of it and the way you respond to feedback only reinforces my desire to do so. There's nothing worse than when an author simply refuses to acknowledge your valid points when you've made the effort to present them in a (hopefully) helpful manner and to be told that they don't want to see them - only the praise.

So yeah, good job! I'll be sure to carry on with my as-I-read reviews when I do chapter two and on.

I've always been a fan of "praise in public, but rebuke in private." I'm also a MASSIVE fan of specifics in criticism. A general, "Aw, dude, that's tight!" or a "This sucks" doesn't help me write any better. I'm not trying to be pony-famous with the music or anything else I do in the fandom. I just want to practice and hone my skills. I consider myself extremely lucky for meeting people who are willing to help out. Say what you will about the bronies, they're still far and away more helpful and polite than online guitarists.

I know what you mean with the specifics in criticism (and praise) oh so bad.
With my own story, I've received quite a few "good chapter"'s but... what was good about it? What did you particularly enjoy? I want to know so I can continue to pull it off and hell, improve that particular part even further!
And even more so for criticism like you say, how can you improve something if you haven't got the slightest clue of where to start? You can't.
If you're given something concrete, you know what to focus on.

So yeah, I hope I did a good enough job for you on that part. If there was more substance to each chapter I'd be able to give you a better insight to it all, but of course with the short chapter length there's not too much that can be said unless I want to become very, very picky and mention just about anything and everything - but that's now who I am or what I do. Writing styles are different for everyone and I can't bring myself to complain just because you're using third person instead of first or you're doing x instead of y when both methods are completely acceptable methods of writing.

...So yeah.

by Kippershy Wed Jun 12, 2013 5:12 pm

Just to let you know, I am still going to be reading this, I just haven't been in a reading (or writing) mood as of late for personal reasons.
Sorry for getting through the first chapter then leaving you hanging on what's going on.

by Warbalist Wed Jun 12, 2013 9:58 pm

Kippershy wrote:Just to let you know, I am still going to be reading this, I just haven't been in a reading (or writing) mood as of late for personal reasons.
Sorry for getting through the first chapter then leaving you hanging on what's going on.

Oh, no no no. Don't allow yourself to apologize for something you don't need to apologize for. I'm a slow writer, there's no rush, and you didn't need to read it in the first place.

If/when you do feel like reading again, I wrote a short story for the FO:E group on FiMFiction. It's called Despedida, and it's just a little, 1,200 word taste of what else is happening near Applewood and Celestia's Acre.

Hope things go better for you. Keep killin' it.

by Warbalist Fri Aug 30, 2013 5:42 pm

I can't believe how long it's been, but the new chapter is finally out, hooray! Here, have a little linky to the tumblr post: http://foefertileground.tumblr.com/post/59745536763/i-feel-extremely-lucky

by Kippershy Sat Aug 31, 2013 10:56 am

I keep meaning to get back to reading this, but I always either forget to when I am in the mood for reading, or ain't in the mood for reading.
or have something like eight different projects to work on and thus don't know what to do, leading me to not be in the mood.
Sorry, I will get back to it at some point.

by Warbalist Sat Aug 31, 2013 12:14 pm

Kippershy wrote:I keep meaning to get back to reading this, but I always either forget to when I am in the mood for reading, or ain't in the mood for reading.
or have something like eight different projects to work on and thus don't know what to do, leading me to not be in the mood.
Sorry, I will get back to it at some point.

Haha! I know how that feels, especially when real life decides to join the pummeling party. You wake up one morning after months have gone by and ask yourself "what happened"?

by Kippershy Sat Aug 31, 2013 1:29 pm

Pretty much, yeah.

by Plasticube Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:33 pm

Well its good to know that real life has improved for you to the point you can get back to writing again:)

Now to read everything again from the beginning.

by Warbalist Sat Aug 31, 2013 5:53 pm

Plasticube wrote:Well its good to know that real life has improved for you to the point you can get back to writing again:)

Now to read everything again from the beginning.

Because I'm not a quick writer and this story is fairly complex, I made a "Previously on Fertile Ground" document: https://docs.google.com/document/d/16zwNlIChneFTzPNdG3ShV2pkFB-V_QplYWR8ykBstXQ/edit

More wiki pages for names, groups and locations are required. That will probably happen after this next chapter (halfway through writing, and inertia is building up again, yay). I may also have to create a timeline.

by Warbalist Fri Sep 13, 2013 2:44 pm

Well, without a consistent editor this chapter came out rather quickly! BEWARE!

Chapter 8 on GDrive, FiMFiction.

Hub page on GDrive, FiMFiction.

Previously on...

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