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[Slice of Wasteland Life] Fallout Equestria: Two Corners

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[Slice of Wasteland Life] Fallout Equestria: Two Corners

Post by Atomic Horse on Fri Dec 07, 2012 8:10 am

What's up Cloudsville!

I was hanging out on the FO:E side story page, discussing my nightly fill of lesbian horses armed with guns when your website came to my attention. I looked through it a bit and decided that it seemed pretty cool. So I decided this would be a good place to link the sidefic I've been working on for the last few weeks.

It's only a chapter at the moment with a second on its way*, but the focus will follow multiple ponies though their lives in a small desert town that goes by the name of Two Corners. I'm trying to keep it light hearted, character driven and something easy enough that you could read in day or two once it's completed.

So, here's my first attempt at a story in quite some time. I hope you folks enjoy it. Constructive criticism is always welcome!

Chapter 1: Crab County:
A pair of mechanics head out of town towards Celestia's Paradise for a vacation filled with booze, gambling and escaping a few harsh memories. With the help of their Autowagon they blaze north along the Stretch. That is, until they break down and are forced to find some new parts.

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/61455/Fallout-Equestria%3A-Two-Corners

*eventually.


Last edited by Atomic Horse on Fri Dec 07, 2012 9:00 am; edited 3 times in total
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Re: [Slice of Wasteland Life] Fallout Equestria: Two Corners

Post by Ironmonger on Fri Dec 07, 2012 8:11 am

Welcome to the club ye heathen! Crazy

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Re: [Slice of Wasteland Life] Fallout Equestria: Two Corners

Post by Meleagridis on Fri Dec 07, 2012 2:39 pm

I like this.

Admittedly, I liked it from the moment I read "Slice of wasteland life," which really ought to be a tag. This is what I want there to be more of. Not a grand adventure but rather the simple stuff. Stuff you might see in the show. But in the Equestrian Wasteland. A moment for the citizenry. What happens before or after Mrs. Hero-of-the-Wastes gets there.

Also comedy duos.

Though sometimes Buck's fourth wall leaning was a little grating.

The image of those two in outrageous hawaiian shirts and sunglasses, tearing down a highway in a shot-up vehicle is very smile-inducing.

There were some typos, though. I'll throw them in a spoiler.

Spoiler:
"declared/"
Right at the beginning, there's a / where I think you wanted a :

No one wants to buy expansive autowagons.

There a bunch of things with random capitalisations, including Bullet holes, Unicorn, Studied, Billboard, Pully, and Renewed.

"Ina much more positive tone"

"While Smitty dug around the engine, Smitty leaned forward on his rear legs and placed his front hooves on the frame of the car for support."
The Smittys have been doubled!

"their ancestors failed society"
of their ancestor's failed society

"all those that passed by to enjoy the good things in life. ."
The periods have been doubled

" collapsed Billboard half buried by the sand. The top half of a pink ponies peaked over the bottom of the surface"
I know there was an episode where she multiplied, but I think you meant to say there was the top half of only one pink pony.

"Fromt hat point"

"This place smells like butcher shop in Two Corners"
The accent I hear suddenly like Russian

"ponysounded rather betrayed."

"get the attention of the annoyed Smitty.. "Smitty.""
One dot short of an ellipsis.

"It wasn't until the fourth building something finally made itself know."

"breathed in heavy, paniced breathes"
Panicked breaths

"That is, if we ever find another rbattery and make it there"

"hooking up one of their Sparkle battery’s"
Batteries

"They eaised their hooves and clamped them together in a highfive."
Other than eaised... is it really a high five? High-hoof? High-clip? High... I dunno.

"he mumbled with eyes on theclouds."
Damn... that Ford bit. I really liked this whole thing, but it's Ford that will pin it in my memory.

Good job. I liked it.
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Re: [Slice of Wasteland Life] Fallout Equestria: Two Corners

Post by Atomic Horse on Fri Dec 07, 2012 2:46 pm

Got me those errors taken care of. Maybe I should consider finding an editor...
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Re: [Slice of Wasteland Life] Fallout Equestria: Two Corners

Post by Ketchup on Fri Dec 07, 2012 3:51 pm

Looks like something that hasn't been done to death yet. I look forward to reading it when I feel like reading for a bit. 14k takes a while, you know?
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Re: [Slice of Wasteland Life] Fallout Equestria: Two Corners

Post by Atomic Horse on Sun Dec 09, 2012 6:02 am

To whom it may interest:

Do you like giant Crabs? Do you like the idea of pastel horses cruising around the desert in a car? Do you like dry humor? Do you really like words? Do you like words enough to read them again and again just for the sake of pointing out terrible, grammatical errors?

I'm looking for someone who'd be willing to act as an editor for 'Two Corners'. For those who are less ungooden with werdin, I'm looking for some pre-readers.

Drop me a message if this interests you.
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