Welcome to Cloudsville. If you're new, don't forget to sign up and say hi in the Introduction forum.

Looking for general approval for Fallout: Equestria fic

View previous topic View next topic Go down

Looking for general approval for Fallout: Equestria fic

Post by Nightrein on Wed Nov 28, 2012 7:50 pm

Well, here goes nothing...
(Warning: This includes spoilers not only to my own fic, but to the original Fallout: Equestria and Project Horizons as well.)

Heya. I guess I'm just another random guy writing yet another FoE fic, so I'm not expecting too much of a response to this. I'm just looking for some general feedback from this concept. I wouldn't bother posting this if I didn't think it wouldn't stir up some negative comments, but I'd like to see if the community wouldn't just shut me down for writing this. Anyhow, without further ado...

The FoE fic I am going to be writing is called Rise from the Ashes, and it takes place exactly one year after Littlepip imprisons herself in Weather Monitoring 4. The main character was a Project Chimera test subject called Cinder, but finds himself without any memories after being shot in the head and left to die. After setting out on his journey, and a large amount of events later, he eventually discovers who Littlepip was and what she had done, and becomes determined to set her free from the tower.

This is where the issue comes in. I don't know how the community will react if I so decide in my story to have Cinder release Pip through whatever means. I'd like some feedback on how you'd feel towards that type of event; obviously it defies the "10 years later" epilogue, and this could make many people upset. Whether you take it as an aversion to heartache or a terrible ruination of the story is up to you. Thank you for reading!

Also: This is my first post here, I sincerely apologize if I messed anything up.
avatar
Nightrein
Blank Flank

Posts : 4
Brohoof! : 0
Join date : 2012-11-28

Character List:
Name:
Sex:
Species:

Back to top Go down

Re: Looking for general approval for Fallout: Equestria fic

Post by Ketchup on Wed Nov 28, 2012 8:34 pm

Honestly, the whole "shot in the head and left to die" deal is a bit overused.

It doesn't necessarily break the ending if she leaves and comes back in short order, since it doesn't say she was stuck in there the entire time.
If you did it well, it could work. As you likely know, an ending and a beginning don't create a story by themselves. What happens along the way is very important.
avatar
Ketchup
The Condiment

Posts : 4897
Brohoof! : 114
Join date : 2012-05-09
Age : 20
Location : New Brunswick, Canada

Character List:
Name:
Sex:
Species:

Back to top Go down

Re: Looking for general approval for Fallout: Equestria fic

Post by Nightrein on Wed Nov 28, 2012 9:15 pm

I'm afraid I'm not too heavy of a reader for FoE fics, so I wouldn't know about that intro being too overused. As you can probably tell, this one's based off New Vegas.

And to my dismay, the original intent is to either give her the out entirely or fail. I have, however, debated the possibility of making her able to disconnect/reconnect to the machine at will. And yes, I've got a lot of events to take place before then and now. Thank you for the feedback!
avatar
Nightrein
Blank Flank

Posts : 4
Brohoof! : 0
Join date : 2012-11-28

Character List:
Name:
Sex:
Species:

Back to top Go down

Re: Looking for general approval for Fallout: Equestria fic

Post by Kippershy on Thu Nov 29, 2012 4:19 am

I haven't got long to type this, so I'll make it short and objective. Please don't think I'm trying to be rude.


-Being shot in the head, as said, overused. Project Chimera? Have it so they wake up in the rubble of the labs, no memories, just that their pod finally gives up and they manage to claw their way out from under all the shit.

-You have an idea, but it doesn't work at the end. A much better ending would be for them to have worked this whole time thinking they're going to be freeing the mare who saved the world, killing those who stood in her way only to find out at the very end that Littlepip herself turns around and tells your character she WANTS to be in the SSP for the good of all ponies, that she's there by choice and could leave whenever.
You've now got a twist of an end where your protagonist has gone from the big mighty hero on a quest of good to realising all they've done is kill innocent ponies (along with raiders) in a misguided attempt to do good.

-Project Chimera? Make sure you think it out WELL. You can't just go and do something that big without thinking it all through thoroughly about what mix the character is going to be and how it's going to affect them - in terms of their mentality AND their ability to interact with the specific wildlife AND their new powers.
avatar
Kippershy
Lord of Derail

Posts : 3480
Brohoof! : 121
Join date : 2012-05-09
Age : 26
Location : Essex, England

Character List:
Name: Crimson Wings / Cherry Sundae
Sex: Male / Female
Species: Pegasus / Unicorn

Back to top Go down

Re: Looking for general approval for Fallout: Equestria fic

Post by Meleagridis on Thu Nov 29, 2012 1:01 pm

As Kip said, it's not going to be likely that Pip will want to leave. If I recall... she actually could leave already. Homage comes in and out to visit her. It would just screw everything up if she ditched the SPP.

If you are basing it on Vegas, perhaps I can make a suggestion?

Make Pip into House. A Good House.

If the ending is Pip in the tower, it is either going to be very anticlimactic ("I'm not leaving.") or it's going to annoy people for breaking from FoE canon (okay I'll leave my eternal sacrifice to catch some rays). If it's just the halfway point, another powerful figure who would like to see the remains of an old pre-war superweapon work on their side, then you've got more room for something... more.

Also gives you another parallel to play with.

Just remember that a surviving Chimera is nothing less than what I said earlier- a superweapon. While they aren't on the scale of a bomb, they were designed to cause unprecedented havoc and destruction. This is going to color how the civilians see him, how the players see him, and how he sees himself.
avatar
Meleagridis
Ursa Major

Posts : 866
Brohoof! : 134
Join date : 2012-05-09
Location : Location, Location

Character List:
Name:
Sex:
Species:

Back to top Go down

Re: Looking for general approval for Fallout: Equestria fic

Post by Kippershy on Thu Nov 29, 2012 2:30 pm

Also, don't have any other ponies in your party if you're going to do that.
Chimeras are freaks that nopony wants to be around - having an animal companion however, of the same cross, would be good.

Just don't use any of those already used though, that'd be too tacky.
avatar
Kippershy
Lord of Derail

Posts : 3480
Brohoof! : 121
Join date : 2012-05-09
Age : 26
Location : Essex, England

Character List:
Name: Crimson Wings / Cherry Sundae
Sex: Male / Female
Species: Pegasus / Unicorn

Back to top Go down

Re: Looking for general approval for Fallout: Equestria fic

Post by hawkeye92 on Thu Nov 29, 2012 4:16 pm

Kippershy and Meleagridis are on to something here. It could work if it was the lone monster effectively rampaging its way across the wasteland to get to the SPP only to have it's entire quest come crashing down at the end.

I'll definately agree that shot in the head is overused.
avatar
hawkeye92
Pegasus

Posts : 207
Brohoof! : 7
Join date : 2012-05-17
Age : 25

Back to top Go down

Re: Looking for general approval for Fallout: Equestria fic

Post by Nightrein on Thu Nov 29, 2012 4:55 pm

Alright, I've got a LOT to cover here, so bear with me. And thank you all very much for the feedback!

@Kippershy:
The deal with him being a Chimera is that he was originally released by Sanguine to try and hunt down EC-1101. Whilst on the hunt, he hears word of Sanguine's death through means I'm sorry to say I've yet to devise, and decides to run wild. Throughout the story, he pieces together his past actions and finds out just why the group that left him to die did so.

On the subject of the SPP tower: My current intent, since her leaving the tower would just make a mess of things, is to have him stopped. His view of himself is a villain, as he does several acts of incredible cruelty, some accidentally whilst others purposefully, and believes that his role is to give the "good guys" the happy ending he doesn't think he deserves. In the meeting with Pip I have planned, he would tell her of this intention, and when she tells him not to, he storms off after claiming he would get her out anyhow, effectively making enemies of her and Homage for much of the story. My current issue is that getting Pip out of the tower isn't his only objective, and is for a large part more of something he intends to do 'later'.

And on the subject of him working alone: Whilst most chimeras we've seen are visibly monstrous, Cinder's case is one that occurred differently. When fused together with his animal, a phoenix, the creature was very young. My current intention for the creature is for it to be the one Spike rescued in Dragon Quest, Peewee. As such, the phoenix was small enough that his body is able to maintain a regular shape. The physical characteristics that give away his phoenix half is that his touch burns things, making physical contact with him impossible. Much later he'll discover he also has the phoenix's ability to rise from it's ashes fully reformed, but that's only theoretical at this point. What I'm getting at is this: Nopony knows that he's a chimera, not even himself, and so he does have a travelling companion who follows him out of curiosity for why and how he has this burning capability.

Now, onto Melagridis' statement: My intention for Mr. House was actually Mr. Horse, but I can't really use him under the circumstance that Somber may do something with him in the remainder of Project Horizons. This is mostly the reason I'm holding off on writing too much of mine until Somber is done, but it could be over a year of waiting and patience is not my virtue sadly. And yes, I intend to have some other figure in this to make the story extend past Pip in WM4, but I've not thought that far ahead yet. The NCR(New Canterlot Republic[Name pending, I think being modeled after Canterlot's monarchy and being called a republic are contradictory]) and a version of the Legion are going to be involved.

Super sorry for the massive walls of text I just vomited on you, I'm poor at explaining things. Hopefully this clarified a bit of what my twigged brain is coming up with. And thanks again for the feedback!
avatar
Nightrein
Blank Flank

Posts : 4
Brohoof! : 0
Join date : 2012-11-28

Character List:
Name:
Sex:
Species:

Back to top Go down

Re: Looking for general approval for Fallout: Equestria fic

Post by Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

View previous topic View next topic Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum