Personal Essay

by **Moonlight** Wed Sep 19, 2012 10:06 pm

So some of you may remember me going on and on about this girl I liked around the winter... Vegetarian like me, brony like the rest of us, smart and clever like most girls (and people in general) aren't.... Well, My first essay of the year is the only personal essay I'll be doing, and though it may stray from the "instructions," I felt it was the best excuse to actually write about something personal. Post your thoughts on it here, or PM me... I'm going to go sulk over the memory and be back to you soon

Spoiler:

by **Sky Cloud** Wed Sep 19, 2012 10:41 pm

... *hugs*

by Nightfire Wed Sep 19, 2012 10:57 pm

*holds Moony tight* it's ok bro we here for you...

by Admiral Stoic Rum Wed Sep 19, 2012 11:12 pm

Honestly, I'm the last guy to ask about the ladies during that age as I was not really interested in women for a couple more years. I had other fixations.

Anyway, have you had the sex talk with your parents? If you have great it would smooth things out when you just point out you are interested in a girl and all that. Mind you this is planning for the future, something to calm your nerves. If your folks trust you to always be a gentleman and such I see no issues.. Also if you plan on turning this essay in to a teacher, the teacher, especially if they are from religious schools in my experiences, is very likely to notify parents of these transgressions. Anyway, if you're so worried about their reactions to you dating a girl you are interested in, get them ready for that idea. hell you could simply say mom dad how do you think i should date a girl? If you are grounded or disciplined in any way from that question, then I worry for your adult life outside of the home.

I remember my first love, it hurt because i had no idea what I was doing. Life hurts, you get a bandaid, and the hurt lessens over time. the good news is that just because she is dating, why do you say in a relationship? Anyway, just because she is dating does not mean she is "locked down" so to say. Hell if you should be presented with an opportunity to try again with her you can take it. There are other women out there who are witty and smart, my girlfriend is among them, she is amazingly smart and quick on the wit, a little difficult in someways, but fun to have an argument with, to bicker. We enjoy each other's company.

by **Moonlight** Wed Sep 19, 2012 11:58 pm

A few key points of my life regarding what you've said, Stoic...

I go to a religious all males school (have been going to religious schools my whole life)

My parents need to know (almost literally) everything I do

I've never really had "the sex talk" with them. We were made to take a course on sexual education in fifth grade

Despite being among the best behaved, I am the black sheep of my family of eleven, therefore many of the things I believe are looked down upon, furthermore, it is difficult to meet anyone outside of who my parents let me. Meeting this girl was pure luck because of my best friend from preschool, who I only met in the first place because preschool was not a catholic edication system.i

My "first love" was at the end of eighth grade... And damn, that was probably too early since kids only know so much about life and people, but now within the last year I have this just refusing to leave my head. Try to move on > can't.

... Now given that, it's not all that easy... That isn't to say, of course, that I don't appreciate your trying to help. Things are just weird.

by Ketchup Thu Sep 20, 2012 12:17 am

Sounds rather disheartening. She must've been pretty special to you, since you went through all the trouble of typing that up and what you've said in the story points to that.
I've never been very close to someone. The closest was a girl I met and developed a crush on in second grade. Terribly young. She moved away for several years and she came back in sixth grade. We somewhat resumed something that resembled a relationship, but after about 2 weeks she sent a friend with a note saying "it" was over, giving no reason, but probably since I was(and still am) externally very cold compared to my happy and joyous younger years. Whatever the reason, I'm still not sure if there was an "It".

by Admiral Stoic Rum Thu Sep 20, 2012 12:31 am

Moonlight wrote:A few key points of my life regarding what you've said, Stoic...

I go to a religious all males school (have been going to religious schools my whole life)

My parents need to know (almost literally) everything I do

I've never really had "the sex talk" with them. We were made to take a course on sexual education in fifth grade

Despite being among the best behaved, I am the black sheep of my family of eleven, therefore many of the things I believe are looked down upon, furthermore, it is difficult to meet anyone outside of who my parents let me. Meeting this girl was pure luck because of my best friend from preschool, who I only met in the first place because preschool was not a catholic edication system.i

My "first love" was at the end of eighth grade... And damn, that was probably too early since kids only know so much about life and people, but now within the last year I have this just refusing to leave my head. Try to move on > can't.

... Now given that, it's not all that easy... That isn't to say, of course, that I don't appreciate your trying to help. Things are just weird.

Oh dear, so much stifle, It looks as if you are going to go crazy when you're in college...

Tis a shame they don't trust you enough to allow you a semblance of a private life, but they only do this out of a deep love for you. Either that or it is because the hold strongly to strict religious thingys which is an admirable trait in in of itself given the nature of American Culture. Besides imagine if you will i fyou have the sex talk along the angle of love after marriage. sure you get the mechanics of it from school, but only fools would rely on that and not make sure they know what their kid knows.

I recall when my folks went to give the talk and I started spouting out plenty of information I already gathered about sex. it was funny because they were all unsure at first and then they relaxed. It was hilarious actually... Anyway, Its a good idea to talk to your parents about it anyways, if only to assure them you know what it is what it means to you, to them and it means to your religious doctrine.

You could always try a sabbatical sometime. anyway that essay will find its way to your parents the moment it is given to a teacher. if you already turned it in, I suggest you go ahead and tell your parents about it, hell ask them about dating, I mean if you're going to get married one of those girls you're dating will end up being their daughter, see what they say on how you can be right to that girl, and how you can find the girl that is the girl meant for you.

Honestly I would say something like "you need to get Laid" if this were something not as serious as first love, but I'm really not like that to begin with. anyway, if you think of yourself as something low and dirty, even if you may be insecure they are family that is important. lay your sins before god and just pray that your family is not going to appoint themselves your judges, after all, its not them you have to answer to in the grand scheme of things, just honor them as best you can. and i think it is honorable to seek their wisdom. hell write it in a letter if you must. I found that worked when i did not want to be interrupted.

by Caoimhe Thu Sep 20, 2012 1:03 am

Hello there, Moonlight. Rummy, who seems to think with the wrong head half the time, asked me to offer some advice. Now I may be a 33 year YOUNG journalist lesbian but I am also a sappy romantic (and veteran of Catholic schools as well as part time vegetarian).

In all honesty, your story is not uncommon. Don't let it get you down. It sounds like you and the girl had a fun time together but here's a thing: bitches be crazy and needy, ESPECIALLY bitches your age. Now I'm not saying she was taking advantage of your kindness or anything, but no one really knows what they want then. It's important to remember how happy you felt in that moment and cherish it.

Also use it as a reminder of things you could did or shoulda did. Who knows, maybe it wouldn't have worked out? Maybe it wasn't meant to be? An important lesson to take is to have courage to express your feelings at the moment but don't be a creeper about it. If you like someone, tell them, don't pussyfoot! You've got a way with words and you use your right brain, so put them gifts to work.

Anyway, how abrupt was the deal with the other guy she went for? Did it come out of nowhere? Like I said, bitches be crazy and if she was in the moody need for companionship she might have just jumped at an offer... or maybe she didn't, I don't know her, you do though.

Do you still talk to her and are good friends? If so, maybe you can muster a "Man, you know, I've always liked you, but I never could find the words to say it until it was too late" only not as desperate sounding as I make it. If anything, it will at least be in her mind and even for a second she might roll it around in her head.

If you stopped talking to her after this or if she stopped talking to you specially, just try to let it go best way you can. There's really no good way to say it, but there will be other opportunities, especially after you graduate and move on. Try and fill your life with some of the neat activities you do to occupy your time. This sounds like retarded TV mom psychobabble but like I said, there's not really a good way to do it.

If anything though, take it as a learning experience. If you feel you fucked up, learn from it, analyze more what went wrong and try to change it with the other people you meet and be assertive (not aggressive, big dif).

I'm half awake since it's 1am here but I'll check this soon and see if what I wrote was completely awful or not, but good luck, kiddo. :P

Oh and don't start two consecutive paragraphs with the same leading word. :P

by Admiral Stoic Rum Thu Sep 20, 2012 1:26 am

the architecture lady has spoken!

by **Moonlight** Thu Sep 20, 2012 5:37 pm

I would like to thank you all for all the advice and such that you all have given me, and as in-depth as I would like to go with how grateful I am, words tend to fail me in situations like this... So I guess all I can say is thank you all so much, for caring enough to waste your time on a lovesick high school student

It means a lot to me

by **CamoBadger** Thu Sep 20, 2012 6:00 pm

Great work on the essay, very well written and full of feels.

Now, I hate to be 'that guy' but I am that guy, so I'm going to take this from a bit of a different perspective, and I apologize if I sound like a dick.

YOU didn't do anything wrong here. You showed her you cared from what I read here, and did everything you could. I know it's hard to tell someone how you really feel sometimes, I'm the same way much of the time, but from how you acted around her and with her, it was very apparent.

SHE messed up. The way you two interacted, as I said above, showed that the two of you did care for each other, and that you were happy together. Her jumping out just because another guy showed interest says a lot about her maturity. And the fact that she told you she was sorry for leaving you like that shows that she was just using you to wait until that other guy tried to get with her. In my opinion, she's a bitch for that. I understand why you feel so strongly for her, she does sound like a great girl, but those positives appear to have hidden her true nature.

As Caoimhe said, bitches be crazy at your age. They'll mature more as you get older, and might actually gain a sense of what they really want instead of jumping between guys because they think 'I might like him more'. Don't focus on one girl screwing you over like that, you'll find much better as you get older.

Again, sorry for sounding like a dick, but that's my opinion on the story. It doesn't really help with your parents, but I say go with the advice to talk with them about dating and relationships. You're getting older, and soon you'll be away from them. Don't let them keep you caged up like they apparently do, make it clear that sometimes you need a private life. Being parents they won't believe it (my parents took years to finally stop asking me about every little detail of my life), but they still think they know what's best for you. In many ways they may be right, you are young after all and they've been around the block, but sometimes even parents are wrong about what their children really need. I'm not saying go against everything they say just to prove your point, just let them know that you need to be given some breathing room with your life and freedom to get out there more.

I think I strayed on this, and I hope I don't sound insane for it, but this is my advice. I'm not as 'experienced' as many of the older members here, but I'll still give what I can. Take what advice everyone here gives, and figure out what will work best for your situation.

by Admiral Stoic Rum Thu Sep 20, 2012 8:49 pm

Imma get captainadder, he's wise...

by Cptadder Thu Sep 20, 2012 10:19 pm

What Rum meant to say Moonlight is that he's going to grab the "old" in the standards of the 16 to 34 year olds you find on random internet boards about Ponies.

In my case I'm pushing my 30th this January, I've been in two serious relationships and been up to about ten girls at one time or another. None at the same time, I'm a far cry from any kind of smooth ladies man. But to say the least I've met the fairer sex and have both have broken up and been broken up with. I've been chewed up and spit out by life multiple times and I'd have life experiences the hard way.

With all that said what your having is breakup trouble.
Moonlight, listen close to me because what I'm about to tell you will make perfect logical sense and it still won't help you. Think I'm not making sense? Stick with me it will become clear.

What you have Moonlight is your first My first breakup I knew the girl for about four months, we went to Prom she handed me a Dear John letter two weeks after Prom. I knew I was her prop for Prom not her future husband yet when she handed me that letter it still tore me up for a solid two weeks. Knowing it was temporary and not having any serious feelings for her or long term plans it still hurt. I still remember Jenna, still remember her face even if I can look back now over a decade later and feel no twinge of feeling good or bad. She was my first relationship.

Congratulations you've had your first. It fucking hurts. It will hurt, and it's supposed to hurt, that's the healthy adult response when you've invested any part of yourself into someone else, if you've even spent one minute thinking seriously about someone else in a romantic way and known they might feel it back. I'm Navy so I've had fuck buddies, we both were in it for the sex no emotions and it stayed that way. But I've also had those I was interested in and leaving them or worse them leaving me hurt. If they don't hurt congratulations no need to practice for the the sociopath test because you've just passed it with flying colors.

But you hurt, you spent enough time to write that little easy another healthy thing to do.
So listen close because here's how it's going to go.
Your going to hurt and considering the amount of time you put into that essay and what you wrote your going to be hurting for a good month, two at the most. Accept that fact, time is what is going to get you over that feeling. Accept now your in pseudo morning for what might have been and don't go trying to restart the relationship when she's made it clear you were not her first choice.

Shit happens, so here's my advice to you, understand why you feel the way you do. Embrace the feel, get all deep in the moping and sadness... within reason Whatever floats your boat, wear all black, write bad poetry, hide in your room whatever stereotypical rejection behavior you want to engage in. But after a set period of time you need to leave that behind. Move on, get yourself back on the market and meet new people. It's your first, an over-reaction is to be expected, you can't go through rejection and breakup training 101 prior to getting kicked in the backside when it happens to you the first time. So again, don't try and force yourself to get over it, embrace the experience, set yourself a suitable period of less than two months and then put her out of your mind at push on. If she was one in a million there are literally three hundred just like her in the US alone.

When the time is right move on, until then accept it.

by Admiral Stoic Rum Thu Sep 20, 2012 10:37 pm

Captain Adder, Ladies and Gentlemen

see hes really good with ass chewings and just chewing in general... ha! well moon you aint gonna feel better for a while and well give your mom a big hug then say I love you, then start crying... maybe that would be a good lead in for your talk with your folks!

by **Moonlight** Thu Sep 20, 2012 10:52 pm

Well, she wasn't my first... My first, I overreacted a lot more, and since then I've had a completely different frame of mind. Before then I was as naive as they come. See, my first breakup, she left out of nowhere with no reason to have a relationship with a guy she ended up never meeting in the first place. That killed my childhood, and every day now I see something I should have done differently with my past. This particular "separation" since it wasn't a real break-up just refuses to leave the cavities of my brain. I'm not depressed over it or anything. Just a little melancholy. I have more pressing and immediate things to be depressed about. Oh well, why does it always sound like I'm trying to argue a point? I don't know. Thanks though, anyway. I'm not sure if I'm ready or willing to let this go, and ultimately it's subconscious, and if it does end, it will take a while... And Stoic... I unfortunately do not have a family relationship like that at this time...

by Cptadder Thu Sep 20, 2012 11:45 pm

Moonlight wrote:Well, she wasn't my first... My first, I overreacted a lot more, and since then I've had a completely different frame of mind. Before then I was as naive as they come. See, my first breakup, she left out of nowhere with no reason to have a relationship with a guy she ended up never meeting in the first place. That killed my childhood, and every day now I see something I should have done differently with my past. This particular "separation" since it wasn't a real break-up just refuses to leave the cavities of my brain. I'm not depressed over it or anything. Just a little melancholy. I have more pressing and immediate things to be depressed about. Oh well, why does it always sound like I'm trying to argue a point? I don't know. Thanks though, anyway. I'm not sure if I'm ready or willing to let this go, and ultimately it's subconscious, and if it does end, it will take a while... And Stoic... I unfortunately do not have a family relationship like that at this time...

Okay with that addition information I will offer new and possibly better* advice. (*Offer not valid in some states)

You have gotten over this before, if she's not your first you should know this ride by now. If anything helped the first time do that.
If not...
If not then... damn your sixteen, okay Plan A (Go to a bar, get drunk find the biggest guy and pick a fight) won't work in this situation
Okay, I've never been accused of being insensitive of other peoples feelings if you can't work this out of your system the primitive hind brain way then it's time to find a task or activity and throw yourself at it for a few weeks. Something that involves working with your hands and lots of detail work to leave your brain able to sit back and just process for awhile.

That one works for lots of people, the other method is the "Rub some dirt on the wound and walk it off" method which I'm guessing won't work for you.

by Caoimhe Fri Sep 21, 2012 2:08 am

Also start a band or join a band and write hella happy music about sad things. Having a legit excuse to be sad/pissed off is great inspiration for, well, everything.

by Guest Fri Sep 21, 2012 3:31 am

Caoimhe wrote:Also start a band or join a band and write hella happy music about sad things. Having a legit excuse to be sad/pissed off is great inspiration for, well, everything.

Do this, and then become Steven Wilson, and then make ahelluvvalotta dollars (or, well, pounds) being a kickass producer of kickass music (except for Anathema's latest stuff, which is too sleepy for even me), and then start doing solo albums instead of another Porcupine Tree album, dammit, and then shoot iPods on YouTube and record everything on vinyl because you're an audiophile now.

Seriously, though, do that. World needs more Steven Wilsons. You don't have to change your name if you don't want to, I guess.

On an unrelated note, I think I overdosed on caffeine again. Meh.

Anyway, hanging out in this thread 'cos a friend just got dumped by her boyfriend of about a year or so, and I need good advice for her 'cos the last time I got dumped (first relationship) I did everything wrong. Well, okay, not everything (that's probably not possible), but it took friggin' forever to get over it and it did not do wonders for my brain, lemme tell you.

Um, advice... I've heard that severing all contact can help the process, and frankly I think it might. That's a mind-wound ya got there, mate, and you don't need to be gouging it open every so often. No idea if it actually works, I didn't do this. =P

by Cptadder Fri Sep 21, 2012 2:49 pm

Overlong Analysis Cobalt wrote:
On an unrelated note, I think I overdosed on caffeine again. Meh.

You need a lot of Caffeine to overdose unless you've got a drug interaction or genetic thing going on. For example The average adult male requires 220 16 ounce cans of Mountain Dew to OD in under twenty four hours. But hey only 140 Red Bull's can kill you.

FYI you should start getting Overdose symptoms at around 40% of the lethal dose so 88 Mountain Dews in one day should be enough to induce the headaches, arm and leg swelling and heart flutters associated with large doses of Caffeine.

by Guest Fri Sep 21, 2012 3:13 pm

Cptadder wrote:
Overlong Analysis Cobalt wrote:
On an unrelated note, I think I overdosed on caffeine again. Meh.

You need a lot of Caffeine to overdose unless you've got a drug interaction or genetic thing going on. For example The average adult male requires 220 16 ounce cans of Mountain Dew to OD in under twenty four hours. But hey only 140 Red Bull's can kill you.

FYI you should start getting Overdose symptoms at around 40% of the lethal dose so 88 Mountain Dews in one day should be enough to induce the headaches, arm and leg swelling and heart flutters associated with large doses of Caffeine.

A mild overdose is 300-500mg, apparently, and I was at... 410ish over the course of three hours (had more earlier in the day, probably another 140mg), which is usually fine for me, but I also was a bit dehydrated most likely. Not talking killer levels, just messes-with-your-heart-rate-and-makes-you-feel-funny levels.

EDIT: also I was taking acetaminophen, no idea if that interacts.

by Admiral Stoic Rum Fri Sep 21, 2012 11:01 pm

you're twinty, what do you need caffine in such level for?

by Guest Sat Sep 22, 2012 6:03 am

Admiral Stoic Rum wrote:you're twinty, what do you need caffine in such level for?

Spoiler:

Point is, this thread is about Moonlight, not me. I'm happy to carry on a conversation about this (e-mail, PMs, whatevah), but I don't want it to take over this thread any more than it has.

by brony all alone Sat Jun 22, 2013 9:04 pm

she must have been really special . my first breakup i was weeping in my closet for 2 weeks sorry man

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