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Rise of A New Sun

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Rise of A New Sun

Post by Flying Ace: Comet on Thu Jul 19, 2012 5:02 am

Equestria has fallen due to the rallying of citizens to rise up and overthrow the princesses. The results of these actions have obliterated a large amount of land and have caused a vast number of deaths. One mare born shortly before the fall of the Old Empire will recall the citizen revolt and her past as she saw it. Not only has she seen the corruption that caused this fall, but she has now set out to destroy the main predator in these new lands, the Shifters. They are a new and enhanced breed of changelings that have grown larger and stronger, now feeding on ponies completely. Will she succeed or will she succumb to the might of the Shifters?

Chapter 1: A New Dawn
Spoiler:
The ominous emerald glows of their eyes in the distance tantalized and intoxicated her with their seemingly magically properties. They left a trail of green light as they moved, almost as if everything in life had been slowed down and they moved, revealing every frame her eyes would capture as they did. The streams of energy in her glow flared a crimson red, snapping her out of the trance as she noticed they were gone. She held a hoof outwards to her side and from the ground burst Alabaster. She gripped the hilt firmly, the ever familiar feel of its weight feel relaxing and empowering as she pivoted around, spotting her enemies. She locked herself in a defensive position and split Alabaster in two, taking Obsidian in her other hoof. The shifters darted at her, their jaws gnashing furiously, blood and saliva flying crazily from their mouths. She launched herself into the air and spun, opening her wings and launching herself into the sky. She flipped herself, now facing the ground as the shifters stopped and stared up at her, jumping to reach. She slammed Alabaster and Obsidian together and spun like a drills, bolting through the air and piercing into the shifters, their screeches filling her ears. She twitched slightly but kept her focus, drilling deep into the earth. She turned and maneuvered, now being shot upwards. As the blades pierced the earth, she halted the spinning and was shot from the ground, landing graciously on her hooves.

*****

Her violet eyes opened and she stared upwards, the sky and moon looming overhead. She couldn’t help but smile at the beautiful sight. Her hoof reached to the side and tapped a panel beside her and the picture vanished, her bed being slid to the side and out into the bedroom. *She swung her hooves over the side and stepped out of bed, yawning and stretching. Her wings stretched and rustled, then nestled comfortably against her body. She smiled at the cloak that hung in-front of her. The black scales had a diffuse red glow as the power coursed through it. The familiar symbol of the shuriken with demon wings seemed to bore into her mind as she stared at it. A wave of memories crashed through her head and tears formed in her eyes. She quickly jerked her gaze away from the mark.

“No, he’s gone. Just accept it Ren, he isn’t coming back.” She thought to herself. She let out a heavy sigh and proceeded into the living room, tapping a panel on the wall. A line of blue energy weaved in and out between the square panels that formed the wall. It illuminated the pressed panel in an azure color as she sifted through a menu, observing the news of the other provinces. Most were doing fine and had held their weight against the shifters for the night. She removed the hoof from the wall and walked over, throwing the black cloak on and tying a scarlet head-wrapping with the same symbol as the cloak, around her head. She pressed a small red panel and two squares slid downwards, revealing a doorway. She walked out onto the dark streets and the door closed. She observed her surroundings, noting everything around herself. She turned and proceeded down the street to a large building with a giant, pulsating, red cross on the front. She stepped in and proceeded through the halls, walking into an office silently. As she closed the door behind her, the stallion jumped and spun around, releasing a breath of relief.

“Mrs. Cloud, I must ask you to knock before entering. You give me a near heart attack every session.” He spoke, smiling playfully.

“Sorry Doc, it’s second nature.” She said calmly, shrugging at him. She sat down on the couch in the office and stared at him, waiting for him to speak.

“Well, we’ve talked a lot about your dreams recently, but I think you seem to be shying away from a specific topic that is always brought up. Would you please mind telling me of your fillyhood?” He spoke softly, gently, warmly to her. His voice was like a serpent, trying to slyly coax its prey. She fell for the voice as it resonated in her mind, filling her with a false sense of rightness, of thinking things were alright. She smiled back at the doctor.

“Okay, today we can talk about my fillyhood.” She said calmly, and obvious aura of success emanated from the doctor. She leaned back and prepared her mind, falling deep through the caverns of her thoughts to the bottom. This is where she would begin.

Chapter 2: Alabaster and Obsidian
Spoiler:
“Daddy? Daddy, wake up!” She tugged at him, nudging him to wake up. He shook slightly and his icy blue eyes opened to look at her. He shifted to his side, ignoring her pleas for him to wake up. She tried harder, nudging and speaking louder, but still in a soft tone. “Dad, there are strange stallions in the house, taking things!” The moment she finished that statement, two large stallions burst through the door, yelling as they charged in. Renee jumped back, scared out of her wits. They charged at her father who had now lifter himself out of bed and charged at them. He bucked one of the stallions in the face before a sickening crack was heard. His body fell backwards onto the bed, obviously unconscious. She searched around herself and spotted a metal training blade next to her. She gripped the dull sword by the hilt and glared at the two stallions as they advanced towards her.

“Hey Sapphire, do you see the little filly with her fake sword trying to act all valiant? How about we teach her a lesson about the real world?” A scruffy voice from the back spoke. The stallion in the front, Sapphire, smiled wicked and nodded in concurrence. She shifted her backhooves and launched herself at Sapphire with a substantial amount of force, smashing the blade into his throat. He let out a gasp and coughed blood as he fell backwards, eyes wide with shock. The second burglar looked at her with surprise and grabbed a wooden piece from the bed, holding it like a club. He stared at her and fear started to become present in his eyes. She stared at the training blade in her hand and gasped in shock, noting that what used to be just a training blade was now a full-sized ivory colored claymore and her eyes glowed two different colors, one white and one black. She turned towards him and launched herself, slamming the blade ferociously against the wooden club, shattering it. The thief recoiled in awe and fear, grabbing another training blade and swinging it at her. She matched him blow for blow, the force keeping her body suspended in the air as if she were levitating. The sword seemed to send a surge of energy through her body and she shifted a hoof from the blade. Both of them were shocked when the second blade split from the first, a midnight black claymore matching the ivory shaded one. She smashed furiously at the training sword, shattering the blade. A voice from behind her spoke out.

“You little brat! I’ll kill you for hitting me!” Yelled Sapphire, obviously enraged. She now turned and looked at him, barely parrying his blow with a steel staff. She now stood between the two thieves, both furious with her. They charged from both sides and she her hooves glowed, releasing auras from the two blades. She moved the blades so gracefully and with such beauty, defending against the attacks as if their battle was a dance. Her body seemed to feel so peaceful regardless of the situation she was in. A wave of warm pleasure ran through her body, filling the emptiness that had seemed to dwell endlessly in her heart. It was in that moment of pleasure that she felt the pent up energy in the blades release and her body feel as if it had reformed itself. Wings burst from her sides, one an onyx black and the other a pearl white. She slammed the blades into the floor and kicked them, a trail of pure energy following each one as the glided through the ground, driving into the thieves and piercing them into two different walls. She looked back at her father on the bed and saw his face, awestruck and fearful. That sight sapped every ounce of happiness from her and the blades vanished, the wings dematerialized, and her eyes returned to normal.

Shortly after the whole fiasco had ended, her father had gotten rid of her, throwing her in an orphanage where she spent a year of her life. It wasn’t until a young stallion by the name of Shira snuck her out, that she began to train to use blades. She spent a lot of time with him, living in his closet without his father knowing. After a few years of living there, Shira’s father had disowned him and went on to start a rebellion that would impact the rest of Equestria’s history more than anypony could have imagined.

Chapter 3: The Games
Spoiler:
“Interesting… So Shira’s father is the one who started the uprising against the Princesses right? Would you mind explaining the events that led up to this event and the starting of the uprising, as well as what you remember from it, if that’s not too much to ask.” The doctor asked after she had finished her childhood story. Ren nodded to him and proceeded to explain the events leading up to the rebellion and the rebellion itself.
*****
“Mares and Gentlecolts, I extend a warm welcome to all of you and thank you for attending the Games! We have a newcomer showing up today from the local town of Ponyville. He’s a trained fighter and is determined to battle his way to the top tier, to become the best of the best. Please, give a loud round of applause for Snowstorm!” A quite large pony yelled from the middle of the ring. The crowd cheered wildly, applauding and screaming as Snow stepped into the ring. He smiled at the crowd as he walked. His azure blue mane and tail swished from side to side, trailing his movements. He stood in his corner of the caged in arena and waiting for his opponent to appear. The pony in the ring spoke to the crowd again, hushing them.

“His opponent is also a new fighter to these parts. His birthplace is not known but he has proven himself to be a survivor, making a living on the street for the last 8 years! Give a roar of cheers for Snow’s opponent, Steelhooves!” With those last words, a somewhat small pony walked out, around the age of 16. The crowd cheered just as loudly for him as they did for Snowstorm. The stallion seemed to walk with a bit of confidence in his step. Snow smiled at this, the thought of decimating this kid’s confidence and showing him what true survival was really like filled him with a sickening pleasure. The pony in the middle of the arena tugged a line and darted out of there, a steel door slamming behind him and signaling the beginning of the game. Snow smiled at the kid, using his gaze and body language to tempt him, to confuse him. Slowly but assuredly, the kid cracked and charged at him, lunging himself in the air and kicking downwards. Snow whispered to himself.

“Show time folks.” With that, he summoned a pole of magical ice and slammed the kid with it, knocking him into the caged edge of the arena. Steelhooves’ eyes grew wide with shock and he recoiled off the cage and collapsed against the ground. The crowd roared like hungry dragons, obviously excited that the match was finally picking up. Snow smiled and slipped the pole under the kid, flipping him into the air and driving it straight into his stomach. The kid’s eyes glowed furiously as his horn began to shimmer and his hooves transformed, becoming plated in some form of metal. His slammed a hoof against the pole, shattering it and sending shards of icy shrapnel around the arena. He then drove downwards, slamming a hoof into snow’s stomach, knocking him backwards and driving him into the cage. He stared at the kid dumbfounded as he coughed up a little blood. His eyes of confusion shifted into eyes of determination and a crazy smile became etched on his face, filling Steelhooves with a shudder of fright.

“Kid, those hooves may have helped you outside of this arena, but against me, they won’t do you any good.” Said Snow softly, touching his horn to the kid’s hoof and freezing it. Steelhooves stared in awe and tried desperately to hit his elusive enemy. Snow nimbly launched himself around the arena, dodging the blows and setting a trap that the kid had yet to have noticed. He smiled deviously as his trap was complete. The kid looked at him and charged forward, steeping right into his moat of water that he had been creating while dodging his foolish opponent. He shot a bolt of magic at the water, encasing Steelhooves’ limbs in ice. The kid stared helplessly into Snow’s eyes, unable to shift his position at all. Snow smiled and launched himself at the kid, slamming a hoof into his chest and snapping off all of his limbs with a disturbing snap. The kid shrieked and screamed in pain and torment at the sudden removal of his limbs. This only fueled Snow and his smiled at the kid, eyes glowing bright blue as a spike of ice drove through his chest, piercing through his spine and driving right through his heart, killing him almost instantly. The crowd cheered and roared, a wave of excitement flowing through them. Snow smiled victoriously and laughed. He had started his first miniscule steps to the top of the chain.

Chapter 4: Before the Dawn
Spoiler:
“So, is this the kind of behavior that was repeated through the entirety of his participation in the games?” The doctor asked, his soothing voice slowly whisking her back to reality. She nodded in approval and he took a little note of her action. He then smiled and asked her if she would explain the beginning of the rebellion. Ren’s violet eyes began to slip back into a state of remembrance, delving deep into the catacombs of her mind.

*****
The crowd was cheering his name, their voices beginning to unify and chanting for Snow as he stood, blood dripping from the cuts he had received during his battle. He raised his hoof in a show of prevalence and they became louder, emotion filling the air. He flashed his ever popular smile to the crowd and was handed a microphone upon silent request. The crowd grew deathly quiet upon the action of him raising a hoof. He brought the microphone to his mouth and spoke to them in a very passionate and powerful voice.

“Rise my brothers and sisters! We shall not stand by and watch as the military and the Princesses tyrannically control and dictate the land that is rightfully ours! We will launch an attack at the very ones who are trying to manipulate us and seize power over this place! This military thinks that they can just go roaming around hungrily controlling the land of us civilians because they feel they are entitled to it! We shall construct an army of our own and we will show these pigs that we are not just rats in a lab that will do whatever they want! Join me and we will show these demons that they cannot just parade through our land and take what they want! We built this land with our own blood, sweat, tears, and upon the backs and roads that many of our fallen comrades have paved for us. Will we just stand by while these… these hell-spawn, come through and reap the rewards of our efforts? Will we just let our fallen brothers' and sisters' deaths have been all for naught? No! We shall rise up and come at them with the power the Goddess has given us. This is a more than just a rebellion my brothers and sister! Oh, it is much more than that! This is a test of our will and our strength! This is a test of our power and spirit! This is the dawn of a new day; this is the rise of a new sun!”

The crowd was unimaginably silent after those words. The raw emotion and pure life that Snow had put into that speech hung in the air and infected the minds of the crowd members like the flu. It spread so quickly and gripped the hearts of so many of those who were standing by and observing what was once a game. He had brain-washed them with those words, the elegance of his deceit was beautiful. The twinges of truth that were thrown in were like spices in a secret recipe. They added that flavor, that extra push into its substance. He had the entire crowd wrapped around his hoof and was free to manipulate and use them as he pleased. They then began to yell and scream violently, grabbing all sorts of items that were around them and raising them as a form of chaos or anarchy. He dropped the microphone and tore out of the building, yelling loudly and leading them to an abandoned warehouse far from the outskirts of Ponyville. It was here that they trained and raised their army of blood-thirsty minions to do their bidding.

Months passed before anypony made a move. The tension in the air around Ponyville had seemed to be increasing as subtle differences in clothing or actions seemed to begin to denote the specific groups. Most of the rebellious ponies had begun to start wearing black gloves on their hooves. Those who were leaning towards helping the Princesses, more commonly just known amongst them as the Resistance, wore a red band tied around their heads. This seemed to signify the blood that they would shed for the honor of the Princesses and military. The black on the Resistance gloves symbolized the new moon, a sign of a new cycle. As the tensions rose, people began to prepare for the inevitable. Gunsmiths were now given large orders for rifles and handguns and blacksmiths were given orders for helmets, bullets, and body armor, as well as dagger attachments and such. An organized wave of chaos flooded the bowl of land that was Equestria. The pace was picking up and sure enough, all it took was a little extra drop of water and that bowl tipped, sending a flood of chaos and hellacious destruction throughout Equestria.

Chapter 5: Rise of a New Sun
Spoiler:
“I see, so this is what it was like before I got here. Would you care to explain the rebellion to me; or at least the more interesting and worthwhile part, the siege on Canterlot?” His viperous voice wrapped around her mind and began to dominate it, using her like its toy. She silently complied and returned to verbally painting the gruesome picture of the rebellion.

*****

Hell. That’s all that could describe the sight of Canterlot on that fateful morning. The sun had just begun to rise when the rebellion laid out a blatant, full on charge at the Canterlot walls, charging the gates and battering against them, breaking the locks and smashing through them. Deafening battle cries and terrible shrieks filled the air as they charged, driving blades, bayonets, and outright rifle barrels into the faces of guards and innocent civilians alike. The sounds of the gunshots echoed throughout Canterlot as shrieks and screams, wailing and pleading all occurred at once like a hellish symphony. Countless bodies fell to the ground, limp and cold, the icy grip of death yet to relinquish them. Blood painted the walls and floors in a sickly crimson that mixed with the bile and bodily fluids, creating a putrid greenish substance. The odor was worse than Death’s own stench. Still, the rebels pressed onward, breaking through the lines and fortification of the Resistance. The guards fought valiantly, gunning down many members in the first wave, but there was a power in this that not even the Rebels were aware of. Their drive and determination to succeed, their will to prevail was unparalleled by any creature that had ever existed. They fought until their last breaths, some even after they were dead. It was truly a beautiful disaster. The chaos giving a whole to glow to Canterlot’s once marvelous and lavish walls.

“Fight brothers and sisters! Are time to fight has come! Prove your selves worthy of this new day and we shall rise victorious!” Snow had shouted. Throughout all of the madness, all of the mayhem and chaos, the blood-curling shriek and heart-wrenching cries, his voice seemed to carry and touches the ears of every soul that fought. His soul, his pure passion seemed to ignite a spark in each and every soldier, setting their hearts ablaze and rallying them. The lights of the fires in their eyes seemed to dance and flicker, sending a storm of fear into the guards and resistance. Snow pushed forward, leading the troops as he swung his blades of pure ice, tearing through the soldiers like scissors through a measly sheet of paper. This only seemed to skyrocket their morale through the clouds and into the heavens. He pressed forward with his army, charging valiantly and without rest to the stairway of the castle. It was here that he realized how close to his ultimate goal he truly was. He saw it and in that moment, that shred of time, that fraction of life, the world as we knew it was forever corrupted with his passion. That little twinge of passion that flared within him sent his forced overboard, causing a domino effect of pure passion through the troops. Some say that their eyes began to glow a rebellious blue as they fought, casting a diffuse and ominous glow over all of Canterlot.

He darted up the stairs, jumping and twisting through the hailstorm of bullets and arrows, little scratches and nicks everywhere. Blood trickled down his body, filling him with a warm and somewhat whole feeling. He drove his ice blades straight down the barrels of two guards rifles, jamming the bullets as they pulled the trigger a second time, igniting the jammed bullet and sending shards of shrapnel into their faces and bodies. They screamed bloody murder but he pushed forward, using his magic to deflect bullets and arrows while shooting darts of ice into the guards’ skulls and body parts. He battered his way through the Throne Room doors and stood straight as he stared at the two Princesses. As soon as he had broken the doors, the rebels had advanced up the castle stairways and were now fending off guards. The princesses gave him a look of pure hatred as he smiled at them, obviously full of pride in his accomplishment of seizing what was considered the most highly fortified city in all of Equestria. Without uttering a single word, he charged at them, summoning two blades of the strongest and purest ice. He launched at them and they met him with magically blades, matching him blow for blow as he relentlessly battered at the blades. After a few minutes of darting around the throne Room and having his attacks thwarted by their blades, something in him snapped and he stopped. Everything stopped.

There are always these moments in life, those times when everything seems maligned. Those times when things don’t add up and some key piece of a plan goes fatally wrong. Those minor fractions of a second that could’ve meant a universe of difference. Well, this was not one of those times. Every single piece of Snow’s plan had fallen together impeccably, almost as if the Goddess herself had wanted this to happen. A flicker of light switched on in his body and his emotions began to burst from his body. His eyes shifted into a pure icy blue, his horn seemed to pulsate with a new found magic and he felt a whole new wave of energy crash over him. He smiled a very sinister smile as his blades began to emit a blue aura, leaving an icy trail of energy behind them as he swung at the Princesses magical blades. It was shortly after this moment that something spectacular happened, something so improbable that not even the Goddess could have foreseen it. Snowstorm shattered the magical blades of the princesses and dart at the, driving the blades through their stomach as they drove blades of raw magic into his chest and stomach. Snow smiled at them and they knew what he did. This war was over, and, against the popular belief, the rebellion had succeeded. Snow collapsed backwards onto the ground, his fighting spirit still prevalent and its energy still being discharged from his body. The princesses looked at the blades in their stomachs and did one last thing; they made one final effort to end this overthrow.

A small flicker of light illuminated the room as they touched their horns together, draining all of the light from the room and from the sky above Canterlot. The eyes of the two Princesses radiated an immense amount of light as an energy more pure than anything that could ever be recreated filled within them. The raw emotions, love, and spirit filled them as that energy transferred from their souls into their horns. A burst of magic came from each of them like twin dragons, wrapping and coiling around each other as it shot into the sky, piercing the veil of darkness and illuminating the sky. At first, it looked as if this were just a beacon of hope, a desperate plea for help. But the full magnitude of the magic dragons was seen as they drove straight into the sky and combusted. The pure magic tore apart the very confines of time and space as the dragon tore open the sky and revealed a sheer white hole. Then, without warning, the dragons dissolved and the princesses fell limply to the ground, smiled plastered on their faces as they were welcomed by death. They may have lost their rule, they may have lost their castle and their lives, but the one thing that was never stripped from them by the rebels was their spirit and will to succeed, no matter how drastic the measures they took were. Little did the rest of the world know what would ensue in the days following that fateful dawn.

Chapter 6: Combating the Wave

Spoiler:
“I see… So, leads us up to around two years ago, correct?” He asked, shattering through the fort of emotion that had constructed itself around Ren as she spoke to him. She looked at him with slightly sad eyes and nodded lightly. The doctor smiled at her and stood up, advancing towards her slowly. She eyed him carefully but didn’t make any movements, waiting to see what he would do. The doctor slowly leaned over with his hooves extended and wrapped them around her in an odd yet somehow relaxing manner. She eyed him inquisitively as he initiated this action, wondering why ponies did this and what it was supposed to symbolize. He let go of her and smiled contently, seeing the slight shift in her eyes from sad to happy and confused. He spoke to her while opening the door. “This will conclude our session for the day; I will see you next week at the same time?” He asked, obviously aware of the answer. She nodded lightly and walked through the doorway and out into the hospital halls. The session had gone differently than she had thought it would, but either way, it was still a quite insightful and relaxing time for her. As she walked through the halls, her mind was off in another world, contemplating thoughts of death and other things. Out of all her thoughts, there was one that shone brighter than the others and refused to leave her mind. That action of embracing her that the doctor had done, what was it supposed to mean? She walked through the doors unknowingly, still in her different world. She didn’t even notice the stallion approach her as she walked.

“Hey Ren!” Spoke the stallion, driving straight through her walls of thoughts and conspiracies and jerking her back to the real world. She twisted around and noticed an all too familiar uncloaked pony. She dashed over to him and wrapped her cloak around the both of them, smiling as she did so. She nudged him in the side as they began to walk to his house.

“Shira, how long were you waiting? I’m sorry if it took a little longer than normal. Nopony usually waits for me and I had never talked nearly as much as I did today.” She said to him, looking deep into his icy, glacier blue eyes. His smile invoked a warm feeling in her stomach and he told her it was alright. She smiled back and walked home with him, the conversation mostly silent between the two. She had been thinking about him a lot lately. That’s not to say she never thought of him, he plagued her thoughts and was always present in her mind, but over the last few weeks, his presence seemed more prevalent. Feelings began to correlate themselves to him and just the sight made her heart begin to beat a little faster and her eyes glow slightly brighter. She couldn’t place a hoof on the feeling, but whatever it was, she enjoyed it greatly and had been trying to devise a way to tell him of these emotions. By the time they had reached his house, she had mustered up the heart and courage to tell him. He placed his hoof on two green panels on the front of his house and they slid downwards, revealing a doorway. The two stepped through and it closed promptly by itself. Shortly after this, she tapped his should lightly, removing her cloak from the two. He looked at her contently.

“Hmm, what is it Ren? You have something on your mind to tell me about?” He asked, smiling brightly and warmly, almost as if he knew what she had planned. She nodded lightly and cleared her throat, a wave of nervousness crashing over her body and attempting to drown the courage she had built up. She exhaled deeply and looked at him, overcoming the nervous feelings and rising up the strength to speak.
“Shira, I really don’t know how you’ll take this, but hopefully you won’t resent me for it. As of late, thoughts of you having been fervently racing through my mind and I have begun to develop feelings for you. I know that may sound odd and I can’t explain it either, but I think that I’m starting to… like you as more than my closest friend. I don’t know if it’s due to the fact you’re always there for me, how you always smile at me and try to comfort me, or even how you are always there to help me out. It’s anypony’s guess as to how these feelings began to grow and maybe somepony out there can tell me, but as of right n-“ She was cut off as a soft feeling touched against her lips. Her eyes grew wide and she stared into his and he wrapped his hooves around her, similar to how the doctor had done, but with more… feeling. Her eyes began to shut slowly, her cheeks beginning to feel as if the temperature around them was increasing and butterflies were fluttering in her stomach. She wrapped her hooves around him and pressed back lightly, bringing their lips together in a mutual show of passion, love, and caring. He pulled his lips away from hers slowly and smiled as they both blushed brightly.

“Renee… I’ve wanted to do that for quite a while now but I never knew how you felt about me. I can understand how it is you are feeling because I feel the same way about you and I wish to be with you. Will you let me have your hoof as your special somepony?” He asked, smiling and looking at her with eyes full of what can only be descried as pure love. No matter how cold they always seemed to look, the heat of his love seemed to protrude from them and cast a light blue glow along the two. She nodded happily, the feeling of butterflies fluttering became more rapid and they shifted from butterflies to eagles. She held him tightly, nestling her head under his and smiling, a piece of her feeling purely ecstatic. This must have been why he was so prevalent in her thoughts and sparked emotions. It must have been that after around 10 years of knowing him and spending time with him, she had begun to fall in love with him and the returning of the emotion illuminated an untouched candle within her. She smiled and closed her eyes, feeling in a state of pure tranquility as he held her and smiled protectively and lovingly.


Last edited by Flying Ace: Comet on Thu Jul 26, 2012 7:30 am; edited 5 times in total
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Re: Rise of A New Sun

Post by Sky Cloud on Thu Jul 19, 2012 8:29 am

hmmm...... Some how Ren Cloud seems familiar.... anyway, its really good!! im looking forward to more Sweetie Belle
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Re: Rise of A New Sun

Post by Flying Ace: Comet on Sun Jul 22, 2012 8:36 am

Posted Chapter 2 and am waiting for submition approval on FimFiction :3
Critz and thoughts please? Thanks! :D
~Comet <3
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Re: Rise of A New Sun

Post by Sky Cloud on Sun Jul 22, 2012 10:46 am

i really like the story so far but there was one typo that i found that was in Chapter 2 First paragraph: They charged at her father who had now lifter himself out of bed and charged at them.

but otherwise its awesome!
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Re: Rise of A New Sun

Post by Sky Cloud on Sun Jul 22, 2012 1:15 pm

this is really good! i cant wait to read more! and i found another typo: Thing tension in the air around Ponyville

hope this helps!
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Re: Rise of A New Sun

Post by Flying Ace: Comet on Thu Jul 26, 2012 7:31 am

Chapter 6 is up and stuff, so erm, enjoy! :D
~Comet <3
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Re: Rise of A New Sun

Post by Sky Cloud on Thu Jul 26, 2012 10:47 am

its great!! cant wait to read more
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Re: Rise of A New Sun

Post by Flying Ace: Comet on Mon Oct 22, 2012 3:51 pm

Wow, haven't touched this in a while, expect some more chapters to be written soon as I have hit the mood to do so this week and my determination is unrivaled! :D
~Comet <3
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Re: Rise of A New Sun

Post by Sky Cloud on Mon Oct 22, 2012 5:51 pm

WOOT!!
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Posts : 493
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Join date : 2011-11-27
Age : 20
Location : Forney, Texas

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Re: Rise of A New Sun

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