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my first fanfic, The Pony Srcolls skyrim part 0 of ???553

my first fanfic, The Pony Srcolls skyrim part 0 of ???

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my first fanfic, The Pony Srcolls skyrim part 0 of ???

Post by brony all alone on Wed Oct 02, 2013 7:00 pm

before i start this i have to say: this is my 1st ever fanfic. so if someone doesnt like it, sue me(not really).



The pony wakes up in an automated carriage, before he can say anything, he is spoken to by a changeling with its hooves tied together."You there, your finally awake, you were trying to cross the border. Same as us, and that theif over there".

The pony turns his head to see a griffon (the theif), and a larger female changeling, whos is bound and muzzled. The griffon replied "Damn you changelings, Skyrim was fine until you came along. Empire was nice and lazy." He then turns to the mystery pony and says "You there, we shouldnt be here. its these changelings the empire wants.

"Were all brother and sisters in binds now theif". The changeling says, as they continued the carriage ride into the unknown.


hope you enjoyed chapter 1. couple of side notes: skyrim is the homeland of the changelings. with queen chrysalis being the leader of the changeling rebellion. if youve played skyrim then you should know you dont learn their names until the "execution". unless you hav esubtitles on, but im still coming up on names/ pony substitutes, i skipped some dialouge from the carriage ride in skyrim but will continue tomorrow. if theres any questions,comments,healthy critisism please let me know,

brony all alone
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Re: my first fanfic, The Pony Srcolls skyrim part 0 of ???

Post by Scienza on Wed Oct 02, 2013 7:14 pm

I hope you're not offended when I say that this just seems to be two minutes of the opening of Skyrim with a few of the species and names changed.

Writing is an opportunity to express yourself and your ideas, to create something new. Unfortunately, adding a ponified layer to Skyrim's writing doesn't make it yours, it's just the writing team's story rehashed (and to be honest, Skyrim wasn't that well written).

The way to make a story yours is to explore and design. Rather than just copy Skyrim, go off in your own direction. Tell your own tale, with your own characters and conflicts. You can set it in your Equestria-Tamriel, but the key is to create.

Once again, I don't mean this to crush your creativity or ideas, I enjoy seeing inspiration in everyone, but I'd hate to see you constrained by the limitations of what others have written.

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Re: my first fanfic, The Pony Srcolls skyrim part 0 of ???

Post by brony all alone on Wed Oct 02, 2013 7:21 pm

thx for the constructive critisism. but all in all ive been thinking about the details for this for about 2 months and this the finalized of 2 months. i know its a little...........eh, but im not that creative. inspired,but not creative. but thanks for the comment /). well ill probably forget this night anyway. so next time im on, remind me that i did this. im goin to just drink. im 14 but im a good drinker

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Re: my first fanfic, The Pony Srcolls skyrim part 0 of ???

Post by Kippershy on Thu Oct 03, 2013 12:25 am

Now, I'm going to sound like a right ass, but what I say now is for your own good.
This is paltry as all hell.
It's not a chapter, its a paragraph. Even my notes on what I'll do for my next upcoming chapter are so, so very much longer than this.
Hell, even my 18+ stories put this to shame both in level of depth and length.

So, how to fix it? First of all, I ought to make a note of this: please, please, keep this thread for the story rather than making a new one each time you update, the title makes it sound like you planned to do that. I might be wrong, ignore me if so.
Now, onto the real points on how to fix it:
-First of all, aim for a certain word count before you're willing to call something a chapter. On FimFiction for example, there's a minimum of 1,000 or 2,000 words to a story before you can try get it published. I don't remember exactly which but try aim for 1,000 words at the very least. Even for a new writer, 1,000 words shouldn't be hard to produce if you truly want to write it.
-Secondly, like mentioned, remember that writing a story is all about telling your own story. It's absolutely fine to use another person's world by writing fanfiction. Likewise, inspiration, references or locations when adhered to the same lore as the original source are also absolutely fine - but you still want to make it your own.
-Thirdly, you probably thought up the concept for a while but you most likely haven't planned anything. I know what I'm saying may sound offensive but you need to think about what you're going to write a whole lot more than you currently show.
Right now, we have no clue if you have any actual plans or if you were just thinking "I want to write my own Skyrim+ponies story!" and such is a massive lack of planning. A complete lack even.
Over the process of writing my own story I came to realise just how important it is to plan everything out because my own lack of planning (though I had some plans made) meant that I was constantly changing the details until I was happy with what I was aiming for in the end because I realised how underwhelming it was.
I'm not saying you can't salvage something part way through because that's exactly what I did and its turned out so, so very much better for it.

So here, take this. It's an infograph I made a little while ago for someone else but you definitely need to see it:


You're going to have to right click and select view image to get the whole thing (I think) but yeah, look through it and if you seriously want to write, take it to heart.


Lastly... avoid mentioning your age along with drinking, please. I don't know the official stance on it for the admins but technically you're admitting to breaking the law and that's something that under the rules of forummotion, they aren't supposed to take kindly should they notice.
On top of that? It really isn't as impressive as you imagine, it doesn't make you cool. Yes, yes, I've been there too back when I was your age and thought mentioning having a beer made me cool, but really, it doesn't.
Even if you are having one, allowed by your parents or not, there's no real need to mention it because it just looks silly.
I know you might feel upset by this, I hope not, but it's necessary to avoid making yourself look foolish and silly.
Same goes for the rest of my comment.

Anyway, hope to see if you'll take any of this to heart and hopefully produce something more than a paragraph, which again, even when I do teasers for a chapter of my own I still release a lot more than this.

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Re: my first fanfic, The Pony Srcolls skyrim part 0 of ???

Post by brony all alone on Thu Oct 03, 2013 4:44 am

plans for The Pony Scrolls, Skyrim.

i know it was short but i was putting it off for weeks. yesterday i said" im going to do that pony scrolls thing." then i was thinking which elder scrolls to use. i mean theres 5 of them (not counting online). but then i had to take my turtle to the vet. so i wrote the prolouge on the way to the vet on my phone. which i didnt charge so i had 2 bars,and crappy internet. so sorry the prolouge was short. but thanks to the recommendations and suggestions of many people including. so in short: i will continue the series. (might even do a dawn gaurd series.) they WILL be longer. some of the locations will be the same.probably wont do the MQ, as for why one pony dindt have a name or species. is because even mlp/skyrims gotta have different races. i need some pony races. i got a couple

changeling = nord
unicorn = imperial
zebra = redguard
pegasi = breton

i need a pony race for high elves (altmer). and probably dark and wood elves (dunmer),(bosmer). trust me ive got a surprise for general tullius. try to guess who he will be. read my prolouge for hints on ulfric stormcloak. if you know who i ponified ulfric into. youll be pretty close to general tullius.

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Re: my first fanfic, The Pony Srcolls skyrim part 0 of ???

Post by Mister Frost on Fri Oct 04, 2013 6:34 am

You see, the key to any story is to not rush. It's one thing to pick up the pace to meet a deadline, but no one will enjoy a story that's been thrown together slapdash in the space of a few minutes.

As far as races go.....remember that there are more races in FiM than just ponies. Griffons, Minotaurs, Moose, and whatever you'd like to make--many who involve elf-like races tend to make them stag deer, for their slim, elegant appearance that bellies danger when cornered. And, honestly, Griffons or Earth ponies fit Nordic themes of a strong, proud warrior race far, far better than Changelings.

as far as your mention about the characters.....uh, are you just putting pony names on Elder Scrolls' characters and races and calling it done? As I mentioned, you've got a race of infiltrators replacing a race of warriors.

Consider that Fallout: Equestria and Ace Combat: The Equestrian War, for starters, put a lot of work into blending their two respective worlds in a smart, planned-out way that created a world that was drawn from, but completely unique to, either source. Events, factions, and new characters are created from whole-cloth because they're the result of the two worlds mixing, and belong uniquely to neither.

Contrast with simply switching some names around, with no explanation. How and why did Unicorns come to rule the land of the Changelings? Why are Unicorns, Pegasi, and Earth Ponies considered distinct races rather than a unified whole--does this mean that the events of Hearth's Warming never took place? The Magic of Friendship was never discovered? Skyrim is to the north of the main continent in Elder Scrolls, if I remember correctly. Where is the Crystal Empire? These aren't anywhere near the only questions to consider, they're just examples--like Scienza and Kip have already explained (far more coherently, probably) the blend of the two worlds will take a lot of planning and thought.

Also, please, please, please be sure to clean up your grammar, spelling, and punctuation. I know it's tedious to have to worry about it when you're writing, but it really makes the story far, far more readable.

"I helped my Uncle, Jack, off his horse"
contrast
"I helped my uncle jack off his horse."

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