Sister forum[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Meleagridis Mon Jun 03, 2013 12:13 am
I've got a mishmash of chapters- between one and fourty-nine -getting modified today at around seven.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Admiral Stoic Rum Mon Jun 03, 2013 12:33 am
hackesd
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Mon Jun 03, 2013 1:32 am
...But isn't that around the range I edited?Meleagridis wrote:I've got a mishmash of chapters- between one and fourty-nine -getting modified today at around seven.
Oh, you did know that there were more spotted mistakes in Icy Shake's second spoiler, yes?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Train Dodger Mon Jun 03, 2013 11:58 am
OCD Powers, Activate!
In Chapter 5, Security goes shopping:
- Chapter 1:
- Mares might occasionally force another mare against her will, a class A crime, but for a buck to do that to a mare was… focus Blackjack!
Grammar: Double-space after ellipsis; should be single-space.Footnote: Level up.
New Perk: Rapid Reload - All your weapon reloads are 25% faster than normal.
I just noticed that all of these level up footnotes are formatted differently. Some have exclamation marks after level up. Some have a period after it. Some have no period after it. Some separate the perk's name and description with a hyphen, while others use a colon. Some don't capitalize the perk name correctly. Some say "New Perk". Others say "Perk", or "Perk Added".
The majority of them should probably follow a more standard format, similar to the original FoE's:
Footnote: Level Up.
Skill Note: [Skill] (xx)
New Perk: [Perk Name] – [Perk Description].
Quest Perk: [Perk Name] – [Perk Description].
Accordingly, this chapter's footnote should be formatted as follows:
[Footnote: Level Up.
New Perk: Rapid Reload – All your weapon reloads are 25% faster than normal.]
- Chapter 2:
- Footnote: Level up
Perk: Telekinetic precision: You’ve got a steady horn on your head for when you need to count sand, thread a needle, or keep a pin in a grenade.
Prose: "Level up" has no period after it and isn't capitalized in the standard format. Precision isn't capitalized either, and there's a colon instead of a dash between it and the description. Footnote should be revised to:
[Footnote: Level Up.
New Perk: Telekinetic Precision – You’ve got a steady horn on your head for when you need to count sand, thread a needle, or keep a pin in a grenade.]
- Chapter 3:
- Footnote: Level up.
Skill note: Guns (50)
Perk Added: Run and gun. Better accuracy with ranged weapons while moving.
Quest perk added: Minor Mutation: Rad Sight - When under the effects of minor radiation poisoning, gain +1 perception in low light conditions. -15 to sneak, speech when not wearing sunglasses, authority glasses, or mirrored sunglasses
Prose: "Run and gun" isn't capitalized correctly, there's a double-space between "gain" and "+1", "perception" isn't capitalized, and "low light" isn't hyphenated. Also, there's no period after "sunglasses" at the end of the quest perk description.
Again, footnote should read:
[Footnote: Level Up.
Skill Note: Guns (50)
New Perk: Run and Gun – Better accuracy with ranged weapons while moving.
Quest Perk: Minor Mutation: Rad Sight – When under the effects of minor radiation poisoning, gain +1 Perception in low-light conditions. -15 to sneak, speech when not wearing sunglasses, authority glasses, or mirrored sunglasses.]
- Chapter 4:
- There was some irony in that the raiders were based out of a donut shop along the road from Withers; if I hadn’t made that detour, we’d be facing much stiffer resistance. A faded brown unicorn held a ring and the chipped lettering read ‘Pony Joe’s’.
Grammar: Quadruple-space between words in bold.
![[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 30 3932362616](https://2img.net/u/2516/12/35/12/smiles/3932362616.png)
Footnote: Level up.
New Perk: Friend of the Night - Your eyes adapt quickly to low-light situations.
Prose: Same deal. Capitalize level up as "Level Up.", and replace the hyphen with a dash, as in "–". Example:
[Footnote: Level Up.
New Perk: Friend of the Night – Your eyes adapt quickly to low-light situations.]
In Chapter 5, Security goes shopping:
- Chapter 5:
- Bright neon lights flickered in the rainy gray weather: ‘Megamart’, they said, and beneath that in bright red paint was ‘Finders Keepers’.
Grammar: Double-space between words in bold.They moved in small clumps, keeping wary eye as they looked around.
Grammar: [keeping wary eye] > [keeping a wary eye]Two well dressed fillies were escorted by a dozen body guards as they chattered on about ‘slumming’.
Grammar: Should be hyphenated as "well-dressed".“Hoofington had more military bases around it than any city in Equestria on account of the enemy constantly attempting to disrupt research and development. After the bombs fell, the ordinance just sat around in hidden caches and arsenals. We pay top caps for any and all war materiel.”
Grammar/Typo: Should be a comma between "Equestria" and "on".
[ordinance] > [ordnance]I counted out two groups of twenty five caps each and handed them to Glory and P-21.
Grammar: [twenty five] > [twenty-five]“Be careful then. You may not realize it –she may not realize it- but she’s trouble.”
Grammar: Different symbols are used for the parenthetical text between the dashes, and the spacing is incorrect. To fix, copy the dash character from the left and paste it over the one on the right, adding spaces as indicated:
[“Be careful then. You may not realize it – she may not realize it – but she’s trouble.”]“Encrypted?” I nodded and she closed her blue eyes, nodding her head back and forth a little before she concluded, “Ten thousand caps.”
Prose: Repetition. Consider revising to:
[“Encrypted?” I nodded and she closed her blue eyes, swaying her head back and forth a little before she concluded, “Ten thousand caps.”]A five digit number.
Grammar: [five digit] > [five-digit]“So any suggestions on a way to get ten thousand caps?”
Grammar: Should have a comma between "So" and "any".Actually, P-21 reading them would be a safer bet…. P-21... I looked back at the yellow mare.
Grammar: Ellipsis has four periods instead of the standard three.“One last question. My friend was injured a few days ago. It’s really hurting him and he’s going to need some substantial healing. More than just a standing healing potion.”
Prose: This word usage is a little bit confusing. Is this supposed to be "standing" as in "stagnant", or is it supposed to read as "standard" instead?I unbelted my barding and let the blue and yellow padded armor be lifted from me. Beneath it my white hide was a roadmap of bruises, yellow discolorations, angry red lines, and half healed strips of medical bandages.
Grammar: Triple-space before "Beneath". Also, "half healed" should be hyphenated as "half-healed".Not that I was too embarrassed about that; clothing in 99 was a matter of duty and I’d been fine trotting around off duty with my mark just hanging out.
Grammar: [off duty] > [off-duty]“Well, she was the greatest heroine of the pegasi during the war… but… well…” she looked at me sadly, “When the bombs fell, she wanted us to go down to the surface and help.”
Grammar: Since this passage describes an action, it should be capitalized and terminated with a period, as follows:
[“Well, she was the greatest heroine of the pegasi during the war… but… well…” She looked at me sadly. “When the bombs fell, she wanted us to go down to the surface and help.”]I could tell I had a long way to go on this whole making friends thing.
Prose: Might want to enclose "making friends" in single scare quotes, as follows:
[I could tell I had a long way to go on this whole 'making friends' thing.]“So P-21. Have you seen their little bulletin board? I’m pretty sure if we can knock out some jobs, sell any salvage we don’t need, and get lucky then we might be able to get that ten thousand caps pretty quick.”
Grammar: Needs a comma after "So".I pulled out a couple the slips of paper and slid them to him. “I was hoping you could help me pick?”
Grammar: [the] > [of]“Okay… kill so and so… no. No. No.” he looked at one oddly, arching a brow, “Okay… kill and defile… No. Defile and kill? Ugh. What is wrong with these ponies?”
Grammar: Since the tag describes an action, it should be capitalized and punctuated like this:
[“Okay… kill so and so… no. No. No.” He looked at one oddly, arching a brow. “Okay… kill and defile… No. Defile and kill? Ugh. What is wrong with these ponies?”]S.A.T.S. had finally failed me too. The targeting and time manipulation spell might have slowed things down, but it didn’t stop time. By the time it finished two of the radscorpions were dead, but the remainder had put new holes in my forelegs with their razor-sharp pincers.
Grammar: Should be a comma after "me" and "finished".If I could just keep them off me this could be easy; they didn’t seem to realize the shotgun was the real threat, not me.
Grammar: Should be a comma between "me" and "this.Eating was this thing’s forte, and I pulled the stem right before it disappeared into radscorpion’s mouth.
Grammar: [into radscorpion's] > [into the radscorpion's]“No!” I bellowed as I ejected the drum, and slammed in a fresh one.
Grammar: Comma should be deleted.The slugs tore into the meaty appendage with a spray of sour yellow flesh and greenish black ichor.
Grammar: Should be hyphenated as "greenish-black".Its claws weren’t quite agile enough to simply pluck me off so instead it swept the claws back and forth over its back to knock me loose.
Prose: Perhaps the term "dextrous" should be used instead. Then again, perhaps not. Upon searching through a compilation of the entire fic, I found zero results for "dextrous", "dexterous" or "dexterity". It could very well be on a list of words that are not to be used under any circumstances. I would imagine that most ponies aren't quite familiar with the concept, seeing as they're all thumbs. Or all hooves, I should say.I locked in a blast that caught the radscorpion at the base of the pincer and took it completely off. When it finally flipped over on its back to scrape me off, I kicked free and rolled in the loose gravel, screaming as I rose to my hooves and charged the monster.
Grammar: Triple-space between words in bold.“No offence, but I really am starting to dislike the surface.”
Typo: Should use the American spelling:
[offence] > [offense]“Yeah, sure. I’m just a little light headed; hope it’s just blood loss. I’ll be fine,” she said as she took a seat.
Grammar: "Light headed" can also be hyphenated as "light-headed", or form a compound as "lightheaded". I'm leaning towards the one with the hyphen.I took the time to sift through with my telekinesis and was rewarded with an assortment of ammunition; two energy cartridges, a hoof sized energy drum called a ‘micromagic cell’, and a workable bolt action rifle.
Grammar: Both of the terms highlighted in bold should be hyphenated.“I could synthesize an antidote. One poison gland… one healing potion… but I’d need lab equipment….”
Grammar: Ellipsis has four periods.“Development, yeah.” he said as he followed my look.
Grammar: Period at the end of the sentence should be replaced with a comma.“Let’s go.” I said as I loaded a fresh drum into my shotgun. Morning Glory needed a lab, and I would find one. We weren’t going to lose another pony on my watch.
Grammar: Same deal. Needs comma instead of period.“I want that gun,” I shouted, my buckshot peppering the head of a sentry pony as I advanced on a grand unofficial tour of the premises.
Prose: This wording is a little awkward. You might consider replacing "advanced" with "embarked".
The way it is now, the reader sees "advanced on" and thinks "okay, she's heading towards something", and then they get "tour". It takes too long to parse her intended meaning.Levitating the mine into my gear, I moved through this hallway with more care, finding two more mines hidden under debris. The two were so close together I detonated them with a shot just to move faster.
Grammar: Triple-space between words in bold.Using my telekinesis to hold her in place I ran up the steps as fast as I dared.
Grammar: Needs comma after "place".Passing through a door we found ourselves surrounded by lab equipment… and spent shells.
Grammar: Needs comma after "door".“That’s the stuff you need, right Glory. Glory?” I gave her a telekinetic slap. “Glory!”
Grammar: This looks like a question, and should probably end in a question mark. However, I like it how the three different forms of punctuation highlight Glory's name three different ways. You be the judge.She stirred and looked around in a daze, muttering softly, “No. I don’t want to do this anymore.” Her pupils were unfocused as she stared around, “No more weapons. Please…”
Grammar: This action beat should end with a period instead of a comma.This was NOT the time to bring this up with me.
Prose: All-caps emphasis should probably be replaced with italics.“I…” He looked over at her and then sighed, “I wasn’t going to let her die. I just… why do you trust her? You trust everypony. Watcher. Bottlecap. Even the Crusaders. Morning Glory. You even trust me when I’ve told you that I want to shoot you.”
Grammar/Prose: Again, needs period instead of comma. Also, that last line should probably be revised as follows:
[“I wasn’t going to let her die. I just… why do you trust her? You trust everypony. Watcher. Bottlecap. The Crusaders. You even trust me when I’ve told you that I want to shoot you.”]
The reasoning is simple. Morning Glory is included in "why do you trust her?", so he's essentially asking why Blackjack trusts Morning Glory twice. Also, in that example, "Even the Crusaders" was shortened to "The Crusaders", because if you remove "Morning Glory", then P-21 also says "even" when referring to himself in the very next sentence.An orange shotgun shell, on the other hoof, exploded on contact like it were a grenade!
Grammar: [like it were a grenade] > [like a grenade]Perhaps not so large, but still impressive!
Prose: What's not so large, Blackjack? Consider revising to:
[Perhaps not as large of a blast radius as the thrown variety, but still impressive!]Then a minute later the damn thing powered back up again and I had to disable it the old fashioned way: with buckshot.
Grammar: Should be hyphenated as "old-fashioned".I put it in my duffelbag.
Typo: [duffelbag] > [duffel bag]I might not know the first thing about construction, but there were some walls with three inches of armored plate squeezed inside a foot of reinforced concrete.
Prose: Should be past tense, as in "I might not have known the first thing about construction".So when I walked to the hole in the wall, I could only stare through the glassy hole that passed through the armored office and the exterior wall of the room beyond that.
Prose: Repetition. Consider revising "glassy hole" to "glassy tunnel".Apparently, it was some sort of ‘cook book’, though it had some pretty odd articles like ‘Plastic explosives and you’ and ‘How did Pinkie Pie foil the Prance bombing? Three theories.’
Grammar: Was the title "To Serve Ponies", by any chance?
[cook book] > [cookbook]I’d give my left leg for somepony without a dark and troubled past.
Prose: Which left leg? Fore or hind? Presumably "left foreleg", since that one's particularly valuable to most PipBuck users. Then again, I kinda like how she leaves it up in the air. "Foreleg" increases the number of syllables and sort of interrupts the rhythm of the sentence, too. Decisions, decisions.“So you couldn’t just quit?” Gee… looks like stable 99 wasn’t so unique after all.
Grammar: Stable's not capitalized?
Oh, wait. I see Icy already caught this one. Which means this file I'm working from is now outdated. Rats.“I could, but… It would have been complicated.”
Grammar: "It" should be lowercase, since it looks like it's part of the same sentence.I gave a crooked smile. “You know, some day I’d really love to hear about life in the Enclave. Compare notes and all that?”
Grammar: Can form a word compound.
[some day] > [someday]She covered her face in her hooves.
Prose: Should probably be revised as either:
[She covered her face with her hooves.]
OR
[She held her face in her hooves.]It loaded from a breech like a break action shotgun, but clearly it’d been engineered for precision.
Grammar: Should be hyphenated as "break-action".Well, worse came to worse I could hit someone with it.
Prose: I've seen this idiom rendered numerous ways: "worse came to worse", "worse came to worst", "worst came to worst". I've always tended towards the last of those three. Honestly, I didn't expect this particular form to be the most popular one. How odd.
Just an observation; no changes are necessary.I have become death, destroyer of worlds. Creepy.
Prose: The actual quote is "I am become death, destroyer of worlds". No, that is not a grammatical error.“I’m on attempt sixty-one,” he replied with an soft sigh, returning his gaze to the terminal.
Grammar: [an] > [a]After a moment, he suddenly he brightened a bit.
Grammar: Delete the word in bold.I was destined to work with the greatest forces known to ponykind, not to make… bullets.
Grammar: Double-space between "to" and "ponykind".I foiled her interrogation spells and sent her mind-digging lackies on a tour of the Trottingham countryside.
Typo: [lackies] > [lackeys]“Wait? How’d you open that? I didn’t see a lock or a seam or anything!”
Grammar: This doesn't look like much of a question, so it technically shouldn't have a question mark. Might consider revising as follows:
[“Wait, how’d you open that? I didn’t see a lock or a seam or anything!”]
OR
[“Wait. How’d you open that? I didn’t see a lock or a seam or anything!”]“Well, that’s anticlimatic,” I muttered as I looked at the orange velvet-lined space, showing it to him.
Typo: [anticlimatic] > [anticlimactic]My PipBuck clicked ominously, and I closed to door once again.
Grammar: [to] > [the]I looked at the musty poster that read, ‘Ironshod Firearms: How do you like them apples?’ and chuckled at the joke.
Grammar: Is that comma after "read" necessary? Hmm, perhaps. Also, there's an extra line break after this paragraph that needs removing.“Well, probably the Ministry of Wartime Technology, ultimately.” I looked at her blankly, and she back with unease. “The Ministry of Wartime technology. One of the six Ministires that ran all of Equestria?”
Prose/Typo: That action beat has some really bizarre wording. I know it appears intentionally truncated, but the meaning is not immediately clear. Though it's optional, consider revising:
[I stared at her blankly, and she returned the look with an expression of unease.]
In the second dialogue passage, "technology" should be capitalized.
Also:
[Ministires] > [Ministries]Glory sighed. “Well... in a nutshell... the Ministries ran the war effort. There were six of them, and the the Ministry of Wartime Technology was in charge of Equestria’s private companies, particularly the defense contractors. The Ministry Mare of the M.W.T., the pony who ran it, was Applejack,” Glory supplied as she peered into the guts of the machine.
Grammar: [the the] > [the]
Also, this paragraph is not indented like the others.Carefully, she deactivated the power and started to remove some internal components with care.
Prose: Repetition. Consider revising to:
[Carefully, she deactivated the power and started to remove some internal components.]
OR
[She deactivated the power and started to remove some internal components with care.]All the ministries were involved here.
Grammar: Should ministries be capitalized in all circumstances, or no?Still, according to the official records, Hoofington was almost like a country in and on to itself.
Grammar: Congratulations, Morning Glory. You completely butchered that idiom. Revise as follows:
[Still, according to the official records, Hoofington was almost like a country unto itself.]
OR
[Still, according to the official records, Hoofington was almost like a country in and of itself.]Footnote: Level up.
New perk: Shotgun Surgeon- When using shotguns, regardless of the type of ammunition used, you ignore an additional 10 points of a target’s damage threshold.
Prose: Revise as follows:
[Footnote: Level Up.
New Perk: Shotgun Surgeon – When using shotguns, regardless of the type of ammunition used, you ignore an additional 10 points of a target’s damage threshold.]
* * * * * * *
In one scene, Blackjack describes what are undoubtedly flechettes as "nails", but I decided not to call it out; to the uninformed (which Blackjack certainly qualifies as), they may as well be nails. In reality, nails make piss-poor flechettes. When fired from a homebrew shotshell load, they start tumbling almost immediately after leaving the barrel. Zero penetration. Even honest-to-god flechettes with stabilizing fins fired out of a shotgun have questionable ballistic properties.
I was actually quite pleasantly surprised that their performance was depicted realistically in this, with them bouncing off the armored sentry bots. Too many authors out there think that flechettes "GO THROUGH ANYTHING, LOL", so this one exception stands out. Good work, Somber.
* * * * * * *
Love this chapter. First visit to Megamart, and Blackjack gets her grubby hooves on Folly, too.
Goddammit, I hate Radscorpions. I hate getting up on rocks just out of their reach and seeing them scurry out of sight before I can put lead into them.
So, in the Ironshod Firearms R&D building, there's a locked door with something radioactive behind it. Later on, they take a quick peek and then chicken out. Wouldn't it have been hilarious if all of Goldenblood's dirty little secrets were stashed on a terminal deeper in that room, and they never bothered to look? Think of all the places Blackjack's been where she skipped over shit that might've proven crucial if only she'd investigated a little bit more thoroughly. Eh, probably nothing worth growing a taint-induced supernumerary appendage over.
Trottenheimer appears to mention two OIA directors in his logs, which appear to have been written sometime shortly before the war's cataclysmic end. One's Goldenblood. The other is referred to as "the director", presumably Mr. Horse, taking over for Goldenblood after the latter was ousted from his position. In one of the later chapters, Sanguine is seen talking to a mysterious "Director" in one of Deus's memory orbs, if I recall correctly. Could Mr. Horse still be around and involved with Cognitum somehow? Or was Cognitum simply posing as Horse to Sanguine, like it tried tricking Blackjack with the holographic apparition of Goldenblood in Flash Industries? I might be misremembering some details, because this story is just so long, but I think that plot thread is still quite open-ended. Some speculated that either Horse or Goldenblood survived to the present day, but it was probably Cognitum's doing.
Also, this chapter contains the first reference to the titular Project Horizons, initialized as "P.H.". AFAIK, nobody really knows what Project Horizons actually does. Is it a gigantic beam weapon in Shadowbolt Tower that could blow up the moon? Does the Core somehow bring down the moon and make it crash into the EOS? Does the Core lift off into space and crash into the moon, taking the EOS with it? Any of those three possibilities would be a world-ending catastrophe. Somehow, I get the impression that Goldenblood did all this wheeling and dealing specifically to get rid of the EOS by some roundabout means, which he perceived as the true threat to Equestria, or something of the like.
Can't blow it up on the surface. It would destroy the planet. Can't blow it up on the moon, 'cause that would cause an enormous meteor shower and also destroy the planet. But perhaps... if you could sacrifice a few million souls to it to power it, and then harness its own power to generate an extremely powerful free-standing spell shield to temporarily contain and absorb the reaction from destroying it... oh shit. Those ponies that died in the Core when the bombs fell. That was intentional. That was part of Goldenblood's project. That son of a bitch. Or was it sabotage? Maybe the doing of Zebra agents, or those mysterious black-ops teams that might be linked to the OIA?
What sort of monster could do such a thing?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Meleagridis Mon Jun 03, 2013 2:07 pm
O. Hinds wrote:
Oh, you did know that there were more spotted mistakes in Icy Shake's second spoiler, yes?
No I did not. Whoopsie-ding, that's what I get for not opening editing tabs.
Train Dodger wrote:
- Spoiler:
Can't blow it up on the surface. It would destroy the planet. Can't blow it up on the moon, 'cause that would cause an enormous meteor shower and also destroy the planet. But perhaps... if you could sacrifice a few million souls to it to power it, and then harness its own power to generate an extremely powerful free-standing spell shield to temporarily contain and absorb the reaction from destroying it... oh shit. Those ponies that died in the Core when the bombs fell. That was intentional. That was part of Goldenblood's project. That son of a bitch. Or was it sabotage? Maybe the doing of Zebra agents, or those mysterious black-ops teams that might be linked to the OIA?
What sort of monster could do such a thing?
Didn't the bigwig at Flash Industries make a shield powered by things trying to break the shield? And wasn't the OIA taking interest in that meeting?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Mon Jun 03, 2013 7:35 pm
Ah, thank you very much.Train Dodger wrote:OCD Powers, Activate!
- Chapter 1:
Grammar: Double-space after ellipsis; should be single-space.Footnote: Level up.
New Perk: Rapid Reload - All your weapon reloads are 25% faster than normal.
I just noticed that all of these level up footnotes are formatted differently. Some have exclamation marks after level up. Some have a period after it. Some have no period after it. Some separate the perk's name and description with a hyphen, while others use a colon. Some don't capitalize the perk name correctly. Some say "New Perk". Others say "Perk", or "Perk Added".
The majority of them should probably follow a more standard format, similar to the original FoE's:
Footnote: Level Up.
Skill Note: [Skill] (xx)
New Perk: [Perk Name] – [Perk Description].
Quest Perk: [Perk Name] – [Perk Description].
Accordingly, this chapter's footnote should be formatted as follows:
[Footnote: Level Up.
New Perk: Rapid Reload – All your weapon reloads are 25% faster than normal.]
- Chapter 2:
Perk: Telekinetic precision: You’ve got a steady horn on your head for when you need to count sand, thread a needle, or keep a pin in a grenade.
Prose: "Level up" has no period after it and isn't capitalized in the standard format. Precision isn't capitalized either, and there's a colon instead of a dash between it and the description. Footnote should be revised to:
[Footnote: Level Up.
New Perk: Telekinetic Precision – You’ve got a steady horn on your head for when you need to count sand, thread a needle, or keep a pin in a grenade.]
- Chapter 3:
Skill note: Guns (50)
Perk Added: Run and gun. Better accuracy with ranged weapons while moving.
Quest perk added: Minor Mutation: Rad Sight - When under the effects of minor radiation poisoning, gain +1 perception in low light conditions. -15 to sneak, speech when not wearing sunglasses, authority glasses, or mirrored sunglasses
Prose: "Run and gun" isn't capitalized correctly, there's a double-space between "gain" and "+1", "perception" isn't capitalized, and "low light" isn't hyphenated. Also, there's no period after "sunglasses" at the end of the quest perk description.
Again, footnote should read:
[Footnote: Level Up.
Skill Note: Guns (50)
New Perk: Run and Gun – Better accuracy with ranged weapons while moving.
Quest Perk: Minor Mutation: Rad Sight – When under the effects of minor radiation poisoning, gain +1 Perception in low-light conditions. -15 to sneak, speech when not wearing sunglasses, authority glasses, or mirrored sunglasses.]
- Chapter 4:
Grammar: Quadruple-space between words in bold.
Footnote: Level up.
New Perk: Friend of the Night - Your eyes adapt quickly to low-light situations.
Prose: Same deal. Capitalize level up as "Level Up.", and replace the hyphen with a dash, as in "–". Example:
[Footnote: Level Up.
New Perk: Friend of the Night – Your eyes adapt quickly to low-light situations.]
In Chapter 5, Security goes shopping:
- Chapter 5:
Grammar: Double-space between words in bold.They moved in small clumps, keeping wary eye as they looked around.
Grammar: [keeping wary eye] > [keeping a wary eye]Two well dressed fillies were escorted by a dozen body guards as they chattered on about ‘slumming’.
Grammar: Should be hyphenated as "well-dressed".“Hoofington had more military bases around it than any city in Equestria on account of the enemy constantly attempting to disrupt research and development. After the bombs fell, the ordinance just sat around in hidden caches and arsenals. We pay top caps for any and all war materiel.”
Grammar/Typo: Should be a comma between "Equestria" and "on".
[ordinance] > [ordnance]I counted out two groups of twenty five caps each and handed them to Glory and P-21.
Grammar: [twenty five] > [twenty-five]“Be careful then. You may not realize it –she may not realize it- but she’s trouble.”
Grammar: Different symbols are used for the parenthetical text between the dashes, and the spacing is incorrect. To fix, copy the dash character from the left and paste it over the one on the right, adding spaces as indicated:
[“Be careful then. You may not realize it – she may not realize it – but she’s trouble.”]“Encrypted?” I nodded and she closed her blue eyes, nodding her head back and forth a little before she concluded, “Ten thousand caps.”
Prose: Repetition. Consider revising to:
[“Encrypted?” I nodded and she closed her blue eyes, swaying her head back and forth a little before she concluded, “Ten thousand caps.”]A five digit number.
Grammar: [five digit] > [five-digit]“So any suggestions on a way to get ten thousand caps?”
Grammar: Should have a comma between "So" and "any".Actually, P-21 reading them would be a safer bet…. P-21... I looked back at the yellow mare.
Grammar: Ellipsis has four periods instead of the standard three.“One last question. My friend was injured a few days ago. It’s really hurting him and he’s going to need some substantial healing. More than just a standing healing potion.”
Prose: This word usage is a little bit confusing. Is this supposed to be "standing" as in "stagnant", or is it supposed to read as "standard" instead?I unbelted my barding and let the blue and yellow padded armor be lifted from me. Beneath it my white hide was a roadmap of bruises, yellow discolorations, angry red lines, and half healed strips of medical bandages.
Grammar: Triple-space before "Beneath". Also, "half healed" should be hyphenated as "half-healed".Not that I was too embarrassed about that; clothing in 99 was a matter of duty and I’d been fine trotting around off duty with my mark just hanging out.
Grammar: [off duty] > [off-duty]“Well, she was the greatest heroine of the pegasi during the war… but… well…” she looked at me sadly, “When the bombs fell, she wanted us to go down to the surface and help.”
Grammar: Since this passage describes an action, it should be capitalized and terminated with a period, as follows:
[“Well, she was the greatest heroine of the pegasi during the war… but… well…” She looked at me sadly. “When the bombs fell, she wanted us to go down to the surface and help.”]I could tell I had a long way to go on this whole making friends thing.
Prose: Might want to enclose "making friends" in single scare quotes, as follows:
[I could tell I had a long way to go on this whole 'making friends' thing.]“So P-21. Have you seen their little bulletin board? I’m pretty sure if we can knock out some jobs, sell any salvage we don’t need, and get lucky then we might be able to get that ten thousand caps pretty quick.”
Grammar: Needs a comma after "So".I pulled out a couple the slips of paper and slid them to him. “I was hoping you could help me pick?”
Grammar: [the] > [of]“Okay… kill so and so… no. No. No.” he looked at one oddly, arching a brow, “Okay… kill and defile… No. Defile and kill? Ugh. What is wrong with these ponies?”
Grammar: Since the tag describes an action, it should be capitalized and punctuated like this:
[“Okay… kill so and so… no. No. No.” He looked at one oddly, arching a brow. “Okay… kill and defile… No. Defile and kill? Ugh. What is wrong with these ponies?”]S.A.T.S. had finally failed me too. The targeting and time manipulation spell might have slowed things down, but it didn’t stop time. By the time it finished two of the radscorpions were dead, but the remainder had put new holes in my forelegs with their razor-sharp pincers.
Grammar: Should be a comma after "me" and "finished".If I could just keep them off me this could be easy; they didn’t seem to realize the shotgun was the real threat, not me.
Grammar: Should be a comma between "me" and "this.Eating was this thing’s forte, and I pulled the stem right before it disappeared into radscorpion’s mouth.
Grammar: [into radscorpion's] > [into the radscorpion's]“No!” I bellowed as I ejected the drum, and slammed in a fresh one.
Grammar: Comma should be deleted.The slugs tore into the meaty appendage with a spray of sour yellow flesh and greenish black ichor.
Grammar: Should be hyphenated as "greenish-black".Its claws weren’t quite agile enough to simply pluck me off so instead it swept the claws back and forth over its back to knock me loose.
Prose: Perhaps the term "dextrous" should be used instead. Then again, perhaps not. Upon searching through a compilation of the entire fic, I found zero results for "dextrous", "dexterous" or "dexterity". It could very well be on a list of words that are not to be used under any circumstances. I would imagine that most ponies aren't quite familiar with the concept, seeing as they're all thumbs. Or all hooves, I should say.I locked in a blast that caught the radscorpion at the base of the pincer and took it completely off. When it finally flipped over on its back to scrape me off, I kicked free and rolled in the loose gravel, screaming as I rose to my hooves and charged the monster.
Grammar: Triple-space between words in bold.“No offence, but I really am starting to dislike the surface.”
Typo: Should use the American spelling:
[offence] > [offense]“Yeah, sure. I’m just a little light headed; hope it’s just blood loss. I’ll be fine,” she said as she took a seat.
Grammar: "Light headed" can also be hyphenated as "light-headed", or form a compound as "lightheaded". I'm leaning towards the one with the hyphen.I took the time to sift through with my telekinesis and was rewarded with an assortment of ammunition; two energy cartridges, a hoof sized energy drum called a ‘micromagic cell’, and a workable bolt action rifle.
Grammar: Both of the terms highlighted in bold should be hyphenated.“I could synthesize an antidote. One poison gland… one healing potion… but I’d need lab equipment….”
Grammar: Ellipsis has four periods.“Development, yeah.” he said as he followed my look.
Grammar: Period at the end of the sentence should be replaced with a comma.“Let’s go.” I said as I loaded a fresh drum into my shotgun. Morning Glory needed a lab, and I would find one. We weren’t going to lose another pony on my watch.
Grammar: Same deal. Needs comma instead of period.“I want that gun,” I shouted, my buckshot peppering the head of a sentry pony as I advanced on a grand unofficial tour of the premises.
Prose: This wording is a little awkward. You might consider replacing "advanced" with "embarked".
The way it is now, the reader sees "advanced on" and thinks "okay, she's heading towards something", and then they get "tour". It takes too long to parse her intended meaning.Levitating the mine into my gear, I moved through this hallway with more care, finding two more mines hidden under debris. The two were so close together I detonated them with a shot just to move faster.
Grammar: Triple-space between words in bold.Using my telekinesis to hold her in place I ran up the steps as fast as I dared.
Grammar: Needs comma after "place".Passing through a door we found ourselves surrounded by lab equipment… and spent shells.
Grammar: Needs comma after "door".“That’s the stuff you need, right Glory. Glory?” I gave her a telekinetic slap. “Glory!”
Grammar: This looks like a question, and should probably end in a question mark. However, I like it how the three different forms of punctuation highlight Glory's name three different ways. You be the judge.She stirred and looked around in a daze, muttering softly, “No. I don’t want to do this anymore.” Her pupils were unfocused as she stared around, “No more weapons. Please…”
Grammar: This action beat should end with a period instead of a comma.This was NOT the time to bring this up with me.
Prose: All-caps emphasis should probably be replaced with italics.“I…” He looked over at her and then sighed, “I wasn’t going to let her die. I just… why do you trust her? You trust everypony. Watcher. Bottlecap. Even the Crusaders. Morning Glory. You even trust me when I’ve told you that I want to shoot you.”
Grammar/Prose: Again, needs period instead of comma. Also, that last line should probably be revised as follows:
[“I wasn’t going to let her die. I just… why do you trust her? You trust everypony. Watcher. Bottlecap. The Crusaders. You even trust me when I’ve told you that I want to shoot you.”]
The reasoning is simple. Morning Glory is included in "why do you trust her?", so he's essentially asking why Blackjack trusts Morning Glory twice. Also, in that example, "Even the Crusaders" was shortened to "The Crusaders", because if you remove "Morning Glory", then P-21 also says "even" when referring to himself in the very next sentence.An orange shotgun shell, on the other hoof, exploded on contact like it were a grenade!
Grammar: [like it were a grenade] > [like a grenade]Perhaps not so large, but still impressive!
Prose: What's not so large, Blackjack? Consider revising to:
[Perhaps not as large of a blast radius as the thrown variety, but still impressive!]Then a minute later the damn thing powered back up again and I had to disable it the old fashioned way: with buckshot.
Grammar: Should be hyphenated as "old-fashioned".I put it in my duffelbag.
Typo: [duffelbag] > [duffel bag]I might not know the first thing about construction, but there were some walls with three inches of armored plate squeezed inside a foot of reinforced concrete.
Prose: Should be past tense, as in "I might not have known the first thing about construction".So when I walked to the hole in the wall, I could only stare through the glassy hole that passed through the armored office and the exterior wall of the room beyond that.
Prose: Repetition. Consider revising "glassy hole" to "glassy tunnel".Apparently, it was some sort of ‘cook book’, though it had some pretty odd articles like ‘Plastic explosives and you’ and ‘How did Pinkie Pie foil the Prance bombing? Three theories.’
Grammar: Was the title "To Serve Ponies", by any chance?
[cook book] > [cookbook]I’d give my left leg for somepony without a dark and troubled past.
Prose: Which left leg? Fore or hind? Presumably "left foreleg", since that one's particularly valuable to most PipBuck users. Then again, I kinda like how she leaves it up in the air. "Foreleg" increases the number of syllables and sort of interrupts the rhythm of the sentence, too. Decisions, decisions.“So you couldn’t just quit?” Gee… looks like stable 99 wasn’t so unique after all.
Grammar: Stable's not capitalized?
Oh, wait. I see Icy already caught this one. Which means this file I'm working from is now outdated. Rats.“I could, but… It would have been complicated.”
Grammar: "It" should be lowercase, since it looks like it's part of the same sentence.I gave a crooked smile. “You know, some day I’d really love to hear about life in the Enclave. Compare notes and all that?”
Grammar: Can form a word compound.
[some day] > [someday]She covered her face in her hooves.
Prose: Should probably be revised as either:
[She covered her face with her hooves.]
OR
[She held her face in her hooves.]It loaded from a breech like a break action shotgun, but clearly it’d been engineered for precision.
Grammar: Should be hyphenated as "break-action".Well, worse came to worse I could hit someone with it.
Prose: I've seen this idiom rendered numerous ways: "worse came to worse", "worse came to worst", "worst came to worst". I've always tended towards the last of those three. Honestly, I didn't expect this particular form to be the most popular one. How odd.
Just an observation; no changes are necessary.I have become death, destroyer of worlds. Creepy.
Prose: The actual quote is "I am become death, destroyer of worlds". No, that is not a grammatical error.“I’m on attempt sixty-one,” he replied with an soft sigh, returning his gaze to the terminal.
Grammar: [an] > [a]After a moment, he suddenly he brightened a bit.
Grammar: Delete the word in bold.I was destined to work with the greatest forces known to ponykind, not to make… bullets.
Grammar: Double-space between "to" and "ponykind".I foiled her interrogation spells and sent her mind-digging lackies on a tour of the Trottingham countryside.
Typo: [lackies] > [lackeys]“Wait? How’d you open that? I didn’t see a lock or a seam or anything!”
Grammar: This doesn't look like much of a question, so it technically shouldn't have a question mark. Might consider revising as follows:
[“Wait, how’d you open that? I didn’t see a lock or a seam or anything!”]
OR
[“Wait. How’d you open that? I didn’t see a lock or a seam or anything!”]“Well, that’s anticlimatic,” I muttered as I looked at the orange velvet-lined space, showing it to him.
Typo: [anticlimatic] > [anticlimactic]My PipBuck clicked ominously, and I closed to door once again.
Grammar: [to] > [the]I looked at the musty poster that read, ‘Ironshod Firearms: How do you like them apples?’ and chuckled at the joke.
Grammar: Is that comma after "read" necessary? Hmm, perhaps. Also, there's an extra line break after this paragraph that needs removing.“Well, probably the Ministry of Wartime Technology, ultimately.” I looked at her blankly, and she back with unease. “The Ministry of Wartime technology. One of the six Ministires that ran all of Equestria?”
Prose/Typo: That action beat has some really bizarre wording. I know it appears intentionally truncated, but the meaning is not immediately clear. Though it's optional, consider revising:
[I stared at her blankly, and she returned the look with an expression of unease.]
In the second dialogue passage, "technology" should be capitalized.
Also:
[Ministires] > [Ministries]Glory sighed. “Well... in a nutshell... the Ministries ran the war effort. There were six of them, and the the Ministry of Wartime Technology was in charge of Equestria’s private companies, particularly the defense contractors. The Ministry Mare of the M.W.T., the pony who ran it, was Applejack,” Glory supplied as she peered into the guts of the machine.
Grammar: [the the] > [the]
Also, this paragraph is not indented like the others.Carefully, she deactivated the power and started to remove some internal components with care.
Prose: Repetition. Consider revising to:
[Carefully, she deactivated the power and started to remove some internal components.]
OR
[She deactivated the power and started to remove some internal components with care.]All the ministries were involved here.
Grammar: Should ministries be capitalized in all circumstances, or no?Still, according to the official records, Hoofington was almost like a country in and on to itself.
Grammar: Congratulations, Morning Glory. You completely butchered that idiom. Revise as follows:
[Still, according to the official records, Hoofington was almost like a country unto itself.]
OR
[Still, according to the official records, Hoofington was almost like a country in and of itself.]Footnote: Level up.
New perk: Shotgun Surgeon- When using shotguns, regardless of the type of ammunition used, you ignore an additional 10 points of a target’s damage threshold.
Prose: Revise as follows:
[Footnote: Level Up.
New Perk: Shotgun Surgeon – When using shotguns, regardless of the type of ammunition used, you ignore an additional 10 points of a target’s damage threshold.]
* * * * * * *
In one scene, Blackjack describes what are undoubtedly flechettes as "nails", but I decided not to call it out; to the uninformed (which Blackjack certainly qualifies as), they may as well be nails. In reality, nails make piss-poor flechettes. When fired from a homebrew shotshell load, they start tumbling almost immediately after leaving the barrel. Zero penetration. Even honest-to-god flechettes with stabilizing fins fired out of a shotgun have questionable ballistic properties.
I was actually quite pleasantly surprised that their performance was depicted realistically in this, with them bouncing off the armored sentry bots. Too many authors out there think that flechettes "GO THROUGH ANYTHING, LOL", so this one exception stands out. Good work, Somber.
* * * * * * *
Love this chapter. First visit to Megamart, and Blackjack gets her grubby hooves on Folly, too.
Goddammit, I hate Radscorpions. I hate getting up on rocks just out of their reach and seeing them scurry out of sight before I can put lead into them.
So, in the Ironshod Firearms R&D building, there's a locked door with something radioactive behind it. Later on, they take a quick peek and then chicken out. Wouldn't it have been hilarious if all of Goldenblood's dirty little secrets were stashed on a terminal deeper in that room, and they never bothered to look? Think of all the places Blackjack's been where she skipped over shit that might've proven crucial if only she'd investigated a little bit more thoroughly. Eh, probably nothing worth growing a taint-induced supernumerary appendage over.
Trottenheimer appears to mention two OIA directors in his logs, which appear to have been written sometime shortly before the war's cataclysmic end. One's Goldenblood. The other is referred to as "the director", presumably Mr. Horse, taking over for Goldenblood after the latter was ousted from his position. In one of the later chapters, Sanguine is seen talking to a mysterious "Director" in one of Deus's memory orbs, if I recall correctly. Could Mr. Horse still be around and involved with Cognitum somehow? Or was Cognitum simply posing as Horse to Sanguine, like it tried tricking Blackjack with the holographic apparition of Goldenblood in Flash Industries? I might be misremembering some details, because this story is just so long, but I think that plot thread is still quite open-ended. Some speculated that either Horse or Goldenblood survived to the present day, but it was probably Cognitum's doing.
Also, this chapter contains the first reference to the titular Project Horizons, initialized as "P.H.". AFAIK, nobody really knows what Project Horizons actually does. Is it a gigantic beam weapon in Shadowbolt Tower that could blow up the moon? Does the Core somehow bring down the moon and make it crash into the EOS? Does the Core lift off into space and crash into the moon, taking the EOS with it? Any of those three possibilities would be a world-ending catastrophe. Somehow, I get the impression that Goldenblood did all this wheeling and dealing specifically to get rid of the EOS by some roundabout means, which he perceived as the true threat to Equestria, or something of the like.
Can't blow it up on the surface. It would destroy the planet. Can't blow it up on the moon, 'cause that would cause an enormous meteor shower and also destroy the planet. But perhaps... if you could sacrifice a few million souls to it to power it, and then harness its own power to generate an extremely powerful free-standing spell shield to temporarily contain and absorb the reaction from destroying it... oh shit. Those ponies that died in the Core when the bombs fell. That was intentional. That was part of Goldenblood's project. That son of a bitch. Or was it sabotage? Maybe the doing of Zebra agents, or those mysterious black-ops teams that might be linked to the OIA?
What sort of monster could do such a thing?
I disagree here. I read it as the second one being part of "You trust everypony." Sorry.Train Dodger wrote:Also, that last line should probably be revised as follows:
[“I wasn’t going to let her die. I just… why do you trust her? You trust everypony. Watcher. Bottlecap. The Crusaders. You even trust me when I’ve told you that I want to shoot you.”]
The reasoning is simple. Morning Glory is included in "why do you trust her?", so he's essentially asking why Blackjack trusts Morning Glory twice. Also, in that example, "Even the Crusaders" was shortened to "The Crusaders", because if you remove "Morning Glory", then P-21 also says "even" when referring to himself in the very next sentence.
O. Hinds- Zebra Engineer
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by cb5 Tue Jun 04, 2013 9:20 pm
*lurk lurk lurk lurk
"Eh might as well join the discussion"
"Eh might as well join the discussion"
I know how Somber feels. It sucks trying to find a job right now cause everyone is coming out of school or college looking for jobs and not enough to go around :\O. Hinds wrote:In this thread on the thirtieth of May:tylertoon2 wrote:So uh. Any news on progress? Haven't heard anything from Somber is quite a while.Somber wrote:Hee. Now you know what it's like...
In other news, no luck on the job front. Sick as a dog too, again. I dunno why but everytime I get a bug it hits me like a truck. Right now my skull feels pressurized. Fortunately Sindri donated some money so I could go to the doctor and get some antibiotics before it sets up shop in my lungs.
As far as 56 is concerned... ugh... its a mess. This whole year has been a mess! I wanted the Society to be one chapter and now it's turning into three! It's Hightower all over again. Sigh... I just need the school year over so I can focus on other things...
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Overthepacific Wed Jun 05, 2013 3:50 am
Somber wrote: I wanted the Society to be one chapter and now it's turning into three! It's Hightower all over again.
Called it.
At least now I know what to expect from it.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Guest Wed Jun 05, 2013 12:21 pm
Game of Thrones style politiking is my guess.Overthepacific wrote:Somber wrote: I wanted the Society to be one chapter and now it's turning into three! It's Hightower all over again.
Called it.
At least now I know what to expect from it.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by cb5 Wed Jun 05, 2013 12:28 pm
Let me guess the moral of the new chapters is going to be, "Don't play game of thrones with a cyborg reaper?"Overlong Analysis Cobalt wrote:Game of Thrones style politiking is my guess.Overthepacific wrote:Somber wrote: I wanted the Society to be one chapter and now it's turning into three! It's Hightower all over again.
Called it.
At least now I know what to expect from it.
![[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 30 779695502](https://2img.net/u/2516/12/35/12/smiles/779695502.png)
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Harmony Ltd. Wed Jun 05, 2013 12:38 pm
The question is who's going to get a non consensual abortion.Overlong Analysis Cobalt wrote:Game of Thrones style politiking is my guess.Overthepacific wrote:Somber wrote: I wanted the Society to be one chapter and now it's turning into three! It's Hightower all over again.
Called it.
At least now I know what to expect from it.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Overthepacific Wed Jun 05, 2013 2:37 pm
Harmony Ltd. wrote:
The question is who's going to get a non consensual abortion.
Glory would be my guess.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Guest Wed Jun 05, 2013 2:54 pm
This is semi-plausible, which is worrying.Overthepacific wrote:Harmony Ltd. wrote:
The question is who's going to get a non consensual abortion.
Glory would be my guess.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by CD Wed Jun 05, 2013 5:38 pm
Overlong Analysis Cobalt wrote:Game of Thrones style politiking is my guess.Overthepacific wrote:Somber wrote: I wanted the Society to be one chapter and now it's turning into three! It's Hightower all over again.
Called it.
At least now I know what to expect from it.
Does this mean we'll get to see a dwarf pony smack Prince Splendid across the face?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Harmony Ltd. Wed Jun 05, 2013 5:40 pm
Scotch Tape ?
Or more likely either P-21 or the youngest of his sisters...
Or more likely either P-21 or the youngest of his sisters...
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by SilentCarto Thu Jun 06, 2013 8:12 pm
So...
Does Boo have a 200-year-old Fluffle Puff plushie, or does Fluffle Puff have a brand-new Boo action figure?
Does Boo have a 200-year-old Fluffle Puff plushie, or does Fluffle Puff have a brand-new Boo action figure?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Evilgidgit Thu Jun 06, 2013 8:32 pm
Pardon me for chiming in. Hello, I'm Evilgidgit, and I joined the forums today. I've never joined a Brony community before aside from silent observation of Equestria Daily and commenting on YouTube videos, but I'd thought I would finally join my fellow Bronies. I'm currently on my third full-out readthrough of Project Horizons and I'd thought I would just say cheers to Somber and the editing team for the fantastic story so far (and love the original Fallout Equestria too).
![[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 30 459784477](https://2img.net/u/2516/12/35/12/smiles/459784477.gif)
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by thatguyvex Thu Jun 06, 2013 9:05 pm
SilentCarto wrote:So...
Does Boo have a 200-year-old Fluffle Puff plushie, or does Fluffle Puff have a brand-new Boo action figure?
I say Fluffle Puff has Boo action figure, because I want a Boo action figure; with authentic snake-cake eating action.
Evilgidgit wrote:Pardon me for chiming in. Hello, I'm Evilgidgit, and I joined the forums
today. I've never joined a Brony community before aside from silent
observation of Equestria Daily and commenting on YouTube videos, but I'd
thought I would finally join my fellow Bronies. I'm currently on my
third full-out readthrough of Project Horizons and I'd thought I would
just say cheers to Somber and the editing team for the fantastic story
so far (and love the original Fallout Equestria too).
Welcome to the forum! I'm pretty new here myself, but everyone here seems friendly enough.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Guest Thu Jun 06, 2013 9:57 pm
@evilgidgit
Hello! Welcome and suchlike! Make to sure frequent other threads, too, there are fun times all around. This is the chit-chat thread, for instance, which is where crazy things and people go.
Hello! Welcome and suchlike! Make to sure frequent other threads, too, there are fun times all around. This is the chit-chat thread, for instance, which is where crazy things and people go.
Guest- Guest
Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by tylertoon2 Thu Jun 06, 2013 10:02 pm
Evilgidgit wrote:Pardon me for chiming in. Hello, I'm Evilgidgit, and I joined the forums today. I've never joined a Brony community before aside from silent observation of Equestria Daily and commenting on YouTube videos, but I'd thought I would finally join my fellow Bronies. I'm currently on my third full-out readthrough of Project Horizons and I'd thought I would just say cheers to Somber and the editing team for the fantastic story so far (and love the original Fallout Equestria too).
I'm currently on my third full-out readthrough of Project Horizons
third full-out readthrough of Project Horizons
third
third
Welcome aboard you crazy bastard. To the land of the craziest bastards.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by cb5 Thu Jun 06, 2013 10:18 pm
And then I said to him, "tylertoon2 wrote:Evilgidgit wrote:Pardon me for chiming in. Hello, I'm Evilgidgit, and I joined the forums today. I've never joined a Brony community before aside from silent observation of Equestria Daily and commenting on YouTube videos, but I'd thought I would finally join my fellow Bronies. I'm currently on my third full-out readthrough of Project Horizons and I'd thought I would just say cheers to Somber and the editing team for the fantastic story so far (and love the original Fallout Equestria too).
I'm currently on my third full-out readthrough of Project Horizons
third full-out readthrough of Project Horizons
third
third
Welcome aboard you crazy bastard. To the land of the craziest bastards.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Thu Jun 06, 2013 10:21 pm
Welcome!Evilgidgit wrote:Pardon me for chiming in. Hello, I'm Evilgidgit, and I joined the forums today. I've never joined a Brony community before aside from silent observation of Equestria Daily and commenting on YouTube videos, but I'd thought I would finally join my fellow Bronies. I'm currently on my third full-out readthrough of Project Horizons and I'd thought I would just say cheers to Somber and the editing team for the fantastic story so far (and love the original Fallout Equestria too).
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Stringtheory Thu Jun 06, 2013 11:12 pm
Oh good a new poster!Evilgidgit wrote:Pardon me for chiming in. Hello, I'm Evilgidgit, and I joined the forums today. I've never joined a Brony community before aside from silent observation of Equestria Daily and commenting on YouTube videos, but I'd thought I would finally join my fellow Bronies. I'm currently on my third full-out readthrough of Project Horizons and I'd thought I would just say cheers to Somber and the editing team for the fantastic story so far (and love the original Fallout Equestria too).
Time for the traditional PHCC (Project Horizons Comment Crew) first post gift! Pick one: a shotgun, a bottle of whiskey, or infinite sanity (don't pick the sanity, you'll miss out on many a fun time)
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Guest Thu Jun 06, 2013 11:15 pm
Evilgidgit wrote:Pardon me for chiming in. Hello, I'm Evilgidgit, and I joined the forums today. I've never joined a Brony community before aside from silent observation of Equestria Daily and commenting on YouTube videos, but I'd thought I would finally join my fellow Bronies. I'm currently on my third full-out readthrough of Project Horizons and I'd thought I would just say cheers to Somber and the editing team for the fantastic story so far (and love the original Fallout Equestria too).
Welcome to thread, please do enjoy your stay. And don't mind the voices, you'll get used to them.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Overthepacific Fri Jun 07, 2013 12:41 am
Evilgidgit wrote: I'm currently on my third full-out readthrough of Project Horizons
Oh, man. I've read up to 34 four times, but all the way through? I have many words for the story after that. You sir are a braver soul than I.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Evilgidgit Fri Jun 07, 2013 7:03 am
Thanks everyone for the welcome. You don't find kindness like this over on the IMDb forums let me tell you.
I finished Chapter 17 last night, and it's kind of been a curiosity of mine what the Dealer's cards symbolise on the second page. I think I have an idea about most of them, but I'm curious about everyone else's views (if symbology is your thing). Here are some of my views:
-A pink mare on a cliff edge balancing on a ball holding a cupcake and a present - Obviously Pinkie teetering on the edge of addiction/insanity
-A white alicorn with a pair of scales - Princess Celestia and something to do with the balance of power.
-A pair of eyes eyes peeking out of a cage made of nine swords - Kind of vague this one, but I'd say something to do with the Marauders (since there are nine members) and the red eyes symbolise the monsters that most of them will become.
-An empty Wild Pegasus bottle with eight upturned shot glasses in a bar with a mare in the background - I'd say the foreshadowed destruction of the Marauders caused by Big Macintosh's relationship with Maripony/Twilight.
-A purple mare hanging from a rusty street light by her tail - Twilight's despair over the war and what she goes through.
-The moon overlooked by a black alicorn - Psalm/Lacunae and her doomed faith.
-A handsome stallion - Goldenblood.
-The black towers of Hoofington wreathed in green light - The horrors of Hoofington.
-Six swords piercing the clouds - Likely symbolises the Ministry Mares dooming Equestria/the exodus of the Pegasi.
-A yellow pegasus in front of a pool hugging a blue/grass ball - Fluttershy and the tragedy of her relationship with Goldenblood and her daughter.
Those are just my thoughts. What are yours?
I finished Chapter 17 last night, and it's kind of been a curiosity of mine what the Dealer's cards symbolise on the second page. I think I have an idea about most of them, but I'm curious about everyone else's views (if symbology is your thing). Here are some of my views:
-A pink mare on a cliff edge balancing on a ball holding a cupcake and a present - Obviously Pinkie teetering on the edge of addiction/insanity
-A white alicorn with a pair of scales - Princess Celestia and something to do with the balance of power.
-A pair of eyes eyes peeking out of a cage made of nine swords - Kind of vague this one, but I'd say something to do with the Marauders (since there are nine members) and the red eyes symbolise the monsters that most of them will become.
-An empty Wild Pegasus bottle with eight upturned shot glasses in a bar with a mare in the background - I'd say the foreshadowed destruction of the Marauders caused by Big Macintosh's relationship with Maripony/Twilight.
-A purple mare hanging from a rusty street light by her tail - Twilight's despair over the war and what she goes through.
-The moon overlooked by a black alicorn - Psalm/Lacunae and her doomed faith.
-A handsome stallion - Goldenblood.
-The black towers of Hoofington wreathed in green light - The horrors of Hoofington.
-Six swords piercing the clouds - Likely symbolises the Ministry Mares dooming Equestria/the exodus of the Pegasi.
-A yellow pegasus in front of a pool hugging a blue/grass ball - Fluttershy and the tragedy of her relationship with Goldenblood and her daughter.
Those are just my thoughts. What are yours?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by WavemasterRyx Fri Jun 07, 2013 8:40 am
Welcome to the forum, Evil, I hope you enjoy your stay.Evilgidgit wrote:Pardon me for chiming in. Hello, I'm Evilgidgit, and I joined the forums today.
Three readings is certainly a lot of dedication, heh.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Meleagridis Fri Jun 07, 2013 11:50 am
Evilgidgit wrote:
-An empty Wild Pegasus bottle with eight upturned shot glasses in a bar with a mare in the background - I'd say the foreshadowed destruction of the Marauders caused by Big Macintosh's relationship with Maripony/Twilight.
How many Partypooper targets has Psalm been able to hit so far, and how many more until Unity...
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Moodyman90 Fri Jun 07, 2013 2:14 pm
I had mostly forgotten about the cards, but the last one is probably Fluttershy, but the blue and green ball sounds like is means the world she wanted to save but ended up helping it's destruction.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Harmony Ltd. Fri Jun 07, 2013 2:28 pm
"blue and green ball"
P-21 / Scotch Tape ?
P-21 / Scotch Tape ?
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