Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

by **CamoBadger** Fri Apr 19, 2013 2:56 pm

lolnope.

by Kippershy Fri Apr 19, 2013 2:59 pm

lolyes

by Kippershy Sat May 04, 2013 4:46 pm

10k in.
Getting there.
Hopefully I can keep the motivation to write going through tomorrow.
No promises on Monday or Tuesday as I have to start work at 5 and 4am respectively, but hey.

by Kippershy Wed May 08, 2013 3:16 am

So uh, been holding out on this one from here because tiredness.
About to finish up the chapter (hopefully), so why not post it now?

Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds. - Page 11 BrokenBondsCoverPublic

Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds. - Page 11 BrokenBondsCoverPublic

Edit: had to switch to the downscaled version.
Want to see the full res version? https://i.imgur.com/JJXF5px.jpg

by Kippershy Wed May 08, 2013 6:26 am

by **CamoBadger** Wed May 08, 2013 11:12 am

BEST MORNING EVER!!!! NEW CHAPTER!!!!
IT'S TIME TO REEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD

by Kippershy Wed May 08, 2013 11:22 am

I just hope I don't disappoint you.
You made my heart swell with that comment Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds. - Page 11 3796487374

by Kippershy Wed May 08, 2013 11:23 am

Also, I am so totally using that image as my update signal from now on.

by **CamoBadger** Wed May 08, 2013 12:29 pm

Gonna do an as read review:

Okay, gotta go drop of my dog for a haircut, then I'll pick up where I left off. Shouldn't be more than 30 minutes or so.
Great chapter so far!

by **CamoBadger** Wed May 08, 2013 1:13 pm

Alright back to it.

continued:

by Kippershy Wed May 08, 2013 1:23 pm

CamoBadger wrote:
Gonna do an as read review:
Okay, gotta go drop of my dog for a haircut, then I'll pick up where I left off. Shouldn't be more than 30 minutes or so.
Great chapter so far!

So, first of all, it turns out I can say that motherfuckinglong extendo word all in one go... if I start from when it begins is on the very left and it ends on the very right.

Anyway, glad you're loving it so far. Time for more in depth replies, because they're always good, right?

Spoiler:

I eagerly await the rest of your review =3

by Kippershy Wed May 08, 2013 1:33 pm

CamoBadger wrote:Alright back to it.
continued:

Spoiler:

Really glad you liked it. I was so worried that no-one would.
Also, yeah, you get special mention. You truly are an amazing person, friend, fan, writer, everything.
All That Remains is honestly my #1 FOE fic that I follow now. I've gone back to enjoying Project Horizons after the latest chapter, but ATR is still higher quality in my mind.

Back 30 odd chapters ago I wouldn't have said so, but there's been way, way too much now to possibly keep the same charm as it used to have, where-as ATR shows no signs of losing its charm.

by **CamoBadger** Wed May 08, 2013 1:53 pm

Wow...thanks man. I don't think I deserve that, but I still appreciate it, I just hope I don't do something to ruin it for you...

by Kippershy Wed May 08, 2013 2:03 pm

But you do deserve that. That's exactly why I said it.
Project Horizons is written someone with excellent technical skill, of course. David has a very good vocabulary, knows how to structure sentences, does all that stuff very well.

But his plot? It started off wonderfully because it felt right and we didn't know the half of it. As time went on the plotline has changed but it still feels the same, over and over it's the same style of thing in the same style of response from Blackjack and co.

What charm it had has grown apart from where it is now that the characters have changed just enough to lose their charm but not enough to get a new charm.

You on the other hand?

Your story feels fresh and different. It's not the same old same old, it's its own thing. The story isn't bogged down by 20,000 mysteries, it just takes its nice little pace and gives you something fun (or tense) to read.
There ARE mysteries, but nothing tiresome.

Also, your characters are proving that they can change as time goes on. Of course, the change is slow enough to seem realistic but enough so that they don't repeat the same thing over and over again, in essence.

You do an amazing job and I really do want to see you getting the attention, views and likes you deserve.

by **CamoBadger** Wed May 08, 2013 2:17 pm

no u

by Kippershy Wed May 08, 2013 2:21 pm

U moar.

I'm fearing what stage I'm going through right now because I know the part of the story I'm in is essentially going to be the same idea for a while, which makes me guilty of the thing I complain about.

I just hope that I can do it in such a way where it doesn't feel like it's just dragging out to drag out kind've thing, ya know?

by **CamoBadger** Wed May 08, 2013 2:24 pm

That's not a bad thing for a story. The first 14 chapters of mine was all the same thing:
Fetch Quest

For big stories like this it's common for long stretches to follow the same idea, hell most books follow one idea the entire time.
Lord of the Rings: Throw this ring into a volcano.
The Hobbit: Go kill that dragon.
Harry Potter: Whatever the current book is titled.

Sure there is a bunch of stuff in the middle to make it interesting, but stories all follow one big thing most of the time. Don't be worried about it in your own writing Twilight Sparkle

by Kippershy Wed May 08, 2013 4:08 pm

Oh., Camo -- just noticed.
In your first commentary, did you mean you don't think he kissed her to get her to sleep? Or are you saying you think he did do it for that?

by **CamoBadger** Wed May 08, 2013 4:14 pm

Kippershy wrote:Oh., Camo -- just noticed.
In your first commentary, did you mean you don't think he kissed her to get her to sleep? Or are you saying you think he did do it for that?

I do think he did it for that, at least mostly (we've seen that he does have at least some feelings for her beyond friendship).

by Ketchup Wed May 08, 2013 5:09 pm

It's been a good while since the last chapter, or it at least feels like it, and my memory seems to be deteriorating as time goes by, but I'll see what I can remember. Apologies in advance.

Spoiler:

Chapter was quite good.

by Kippershy Thu May 09, 2013 4:47 pm

Ketchup wrote:It's been a good while since the last chapter, or it at least feels like it, and my memory seems to be deteriorating as time goes by, but I'll see what I can remember. Apologies in advance.
Spoiler:
Chapter was quite good.

Sorry for not replying for so long. Got caught up in other things and forgot to. Bad me, I know.
Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter and thank you very much for the errors you spotted.

Now, onto the points.

Spoiler:

Tired, so very tired. So if there's anything I missed or you want me to reply about, focus on, let me know and I'll reply when I can.

by Ketchup Thu May 09, 2013 5:56 pm

I'm sorry, there's more that looks like complaining in this post than most previous ones. More likely due to my less than ideal mood. Keep in mind, I did enjoy the chapter.

Spoiler:

And by the way, if you ever want an extra opinion on anything, I'm never busy. I enjoy helping others, it's very gratifying.

by Kippershy Sat May 11, 2013 8:58 am

Ketchup wrote:I'm sorry, there's more that looks like complaining in this post than most previous ones. More likely due to my less than ideal mood. Keep in mind, I did enjoy the chapter.
Spoiler:
And by the way, if you ever want an extra opinion on anything, I'm never busy. I enjoy helping others, it's very gratifying.

Never feel the need to be sorry, I need to hear criticism just as much as praise if I'm going to make this a good story.
Your criticism has never been "It's shit, end of." - it's always had reasoning. So yeah, thank you.

Now, onto the replies which I've left for so long.

Spoiler:

Yeah, that's a trend I noticed also. LittlepipxHomage had no actual affection, just sex. At the time I wanted something to hold onto, so I thought it was sweet. Now I'm much more balanced and fixed my issues, so looking back on it I see the flaws of it and wonder how the hell.
I mean, I do still like Homage as a character, but their relationship could've been so much more, especially given Homage's secret job of being the DJ.
Same goes for Blackjack and Glory. So much missed potential where their relationship has never really seen much development aside from a kiss here and there and then sex.
Nothing else, just a few kisses then sex then problems and more sex.

Once Cherry is back into the party, I damn well WILL have a chapter where Crimson and Cherry just spend time bonding, fuck the mission - both of them. They'll have a day out in Coltchester and maybe even the surrounding area.
I want to have their relationship feel like it could be real life. That's my only issue with this being FOE, makes it hard for me to justify them breaking away from everything just to spend time together, but I will do it once she's back.

I know I've been cheeky with telling you what Coltchester is and isn't. I know I should've put it in the fic directly, and I promise I will some time soon. Perhaps next chapter, perhaps the chapter after. For right now though, I'll tell you this:
Coltchester is primarily a city based around the military. It's Equestria's southern HQ for military activity, in my canon. Canterlot of course is the overall HQ for all the military but just like in real life, you've got different HQ's for different regions - much like... Fort Knoxx Army Base for example. That's a HQ for the region, but there's an even bigger HQ (Cheyenne?) for the overall layout. Get what I mean?
Anyway - Coltchester IS a big military presence but at the same time, it's also a civilian one.
There would have been domestic districts as well as military ones. There's also a small farming and mining district, the former being out on the outskirts while the latter is next to the industrial district.

The industrial district is pretty much basic city stuff. Nothing super special about it, just some normal manufacturing plants as well as some arms manufactures and robotics plants too, but again, nothing special about them.

Coltchester is meant to be somewhat like the Hoof in a sense... just a lot toned down. There's no deep dark mysteries but...

spoiler spoiler, as in, a proper spoiler:

So yes, the city is a lot, and I have failed everyone by not touching on what is and isn't properly in the story yet, but I promise I will. With the next chapter, I'll have time to give Crimson a break from the front after his new wound and so I'll use that to get some more backstory and interaction into the whole thing, meaning I'll set out what Coltchester is and isn't once and for all.

I hope you don't take this as me trying to backpedal or prove you wrong or be defensive in any way. I'm seeing you've got an extremely valid concern and I do appreciate it, I just know what I have in my head regarding it all nullifies these feelings (hopefully) but that doesn't excuse not having expressed that in the fic.

As for Coltchester being a major location yet not mentioned in the original fic... well, yeah, in terms of original canon it would be strange to never get a mention if it's as important as it likes to pretend, but that's life for you.
I would never dream of asking Kkat to make Coltchester canon even in a sequel or follow up fic, so it's just one of those expanded universe situations where you gotta either take it with a pinch of salt and deal with different authors having different visions to the universe or say you only want to consider the original to be any bit canon and ignore any others that mess with it in the slightest.
Again, not trying to sound hostile, just me saying it's one of those things.

The reason for taking away Maisy while adding the S.F is, to me, logical.
If I keep Maisy and the S.F, I then have a fighting force that renders Crimson useless. There would be next to no challenge as he could simply step back and command the fight from the sidelines, which while it may not be his style, would be the smart thing to do.
If I tell the S.F to hold out for this one, they'd tell Crimson to fuck off and that the very reason they came out was to keep him safe. They wouldn't be wanting to waste their time going out all that way only to be told they've gotta sit indoors while Crimson goes out and gets shot up.

I will mix and match the S.F with Maisy, but for patrols by Crimson? Taking everyone out at once would simply make the combat too easy.
Still, your opinion is again, valid and I can't argue with that. I'm just explaining my thoughts here.

I know this hasn't been explained in the fic properly, but in the setting discussion thread, I do expand on it when it comes to the TMG. They're mercenaries, they're paid by other settlements to do mercenary work from time to time. Guarding F.R isn't their only job, otherwise their town would be a lot smaller in size and population.
TMG are known in the south-east for being able to get shit done, but only when getting shit done doesn't wipe out an innocent settlement that is just getting by as peacefully as they can.

Sorry you don't enjoy Crimson too much. I like the way I've made him so that's why he's like that. Again, you're not wrong in your opinions, just me saying why it is that way.

Mundane to a FOE fic? Definitely.
Mundane to a city where rebels are sparsely active? Hell naw. In Coltchester, there's a lot of dissent but not a lot of action. Crimson is the powder-keg that sets it all off.
Sure, the DZCoaliton has made their "midnight raids" on dissenters who spoke publicly from time to time, but never did they go as far as feeling a need to massacre people to make their point.
They've been assholes for a long time. Crimson came along, saw that they were doing something bad and decided to kick up some shit over it all.
No outsider has simply walked on in and fucked shit up before.
Doesn't matter if he didn't kill many, or if he needed rescue. He marked the beginning of when people would change from idly waiting around for the right moment to strike, to the moment they do.

Crimson's actions may have seemed mundane to you, but if you were living under oppression and suddenly someone came along and stirred shit up, you'd hear of it and fast. The other thing is they're all living in a single district pretty much. There's a few other districts, but they're all living and communicating in one single, concentrated area.
News of anything happening in that area would spread quickly.

Someone has a keen eye for tropes.

Again, sorry if I seem defensive at any point. I really don't mean to tell you that you're wrong. I just have all these ideas in my head and I've either failed to explain them properly, completely forgotten to do so yet or they come out of the woodwork in time and are yet to be released.
You make very good points and I'm glad you do, as any and all criticism that carries a clear point is something I can consider and work with to improve, especially this early on.

I know Camo said at the end of his latest chapter that he would consider that point to be the end of "a book/volume" as it were, and I would call chapter 11 the end of my first volume, so yeah, I'd still class it as 'early on' for this volume anyway... or I think so anyway.

Anyway, thank you as always!

by Ketchup Sat May 11, 2013 7:49 pm

Kippershy wrote:
Never feel the need to be sorry, I need to hear criticism just as much as praise if I'm going to make this a good story.
Your criticism has never been "It's shit, end of." - it's always had reasoning. So yeah, thank you.

Now, onto the replies which I've left for so long.
Spoiler:
Again, sorry if I seem defensive at any point. I really don't mean to tell you that you're wrong. I just have all these ideas in my head and I've either failed to explain them properly, completely forgotten to do so yet or they come out of the woodwork in time and are yet to be released.
You make very good points and I'm glad you do, as any and all criticism that carries a clear point is something I can consider and work with to improve, especially this early on.

I say sorry a lot, it's just a part of my personality that apparently fits well with the stereotypical Canadian. I don't like offending people or making people unhappy.
How that contributes to why I say sorry all the time isn't completely clear to me.
I also greatly dislike complaining. I don't mind when others do it but making complaints is hard for me.

Spoiler:

I don't really have much more to say, although this post took a good portion of a day to write up. The closest you get to being defensive there is "it makes sense to me", which is the basis for any and all opinions and is expected, as otherwise you wouldn't write it. Besides, it makes more sense to you as you are the writer.
Write what you want, and do not make big changes to make a certain reader pleased. That would be like if Somber suddenly killed off Boo because someone thinks she's useless.

by Kippershy Sun May 12, 2013 10:41 am

I know you say don't try to fix it, but I gotta ask.
How could I go about improving the combat?

I'm planning on making Crimson a lot less free moving and being forced to take cover a lot more often from now on, but is there anything else I can do?
I know of course losing members of the party would be another way and until now, there's not been any members that I can simply throw away just like that while actually with the group... but now there is, so the option is there.

Anything else?

Crimson's shotgun is quite powerful, but definitely not within AMR range of damage. Maisy by her very nature is powerful. Cherry is currently locked up and crippled, so her fighting prowess is severely limited (even if I did give her a little hand in her last fight to make sure she won) but the Spec Ops members haven't got any unique weapons so that's one step to less OP members, in a way.

by Ketchup Sun May 12, 2013 12:03 pm

Kippershy wrote:I know you say don't try to fix it, but I gotta ask.
How could I go about improving the combat?

I'm planning on making Crimson a lot less free moving and being forced to take cover a lot more often from now on, but is there anything else I can do?
I know of course losing members of the party would be another way and until now, there's not been any members that I can simply throw away just like that while actually with the group... but now there is, so the option is there.

Anything else?

Crimson's shotgun is quite powerful, but definitely not within AMR range of damage. Maisy by her very nature is powerful. Cherry is currently locked up and crippled, so her fighting prowess is severely limited (even if I did give her a little hand in her last fight to make sure she won) but the Spec Ops members haven't got any unique weapons so that's one step to less OP members, in a way.

As I said, I really cannot tell you how. There's what I said here, but much of it doesn't apply well.

So, yes he was wounded. He was also given a drug cocktail so that he can keep fighting. Any dislike I had of the fighting in that respect isn't an issue.

There are seven TMG SF troops with Crimson, 8 including Cherry, I cannot see how that equals 1 manticore.
No special weapons? One of them has a missile launcher, another, a minigun. Neither are unique but you balanced Titan's by having it cranked, IIRC. Throw in a missile launcher and other guns, that is a lot of firepower.

The only problem I see is that his allies are too numerous and powerful. Enough so that Crimson doesn't actually have to fight at all because they all have more experience and better weapons. With just Maisy around, she varies from gamebreaker to mildly effective, going on memory.

But, Camo sees no problems with it, don't worry about it.

by Kippershy Sun May 12, 2013 12:31 pm

Well good news is past this first time, I don't actually intend to take them all out at once every time.
Most times it'll be a case of "You two/three, come with me."

Titan's gun isn't hand cranked but it does take time to wind up.
Thing is, walking around with a missile launcher and minigun isn't exactly ideal for low key situations, and this first time was a show of force/show them around more than setting the standard.

Still, point taken.
I want to try and even this out as much as I can so I don't just appease one person while others are miffed. There's a lot of people who don't comment, but I have no doubt others would agree.

by Kippershy Sun May 12, 2013 12:34 pm

Oh, also, out of curiosity - any way to make Crimson more likeable?
Both you and Camo have stated he's been annoying at times, and while I know I again, can't please everyone, it'd be good to know what it is exactly that I could do to perhaps make him less annoying.

by Ketchup Sun May 12, 2013 12:59 pm

Kippershy wrote:Oh, also, out of curiosity - any way to make Crimson more likeable?
Both you and Camo have stated he's been annoying at times, and while I know I again, can't please everyone, it'd be good to know what it is exactly that I could do to perhaps make him less annoying.

Speaking broadly, I don't like grandiose people, or those who are pretentious. Crimson is a little bit of both, but it's an integral part of his personality.

Don't worry about it, my opinions on many things have changed recently. I started off not liking Seer, for instance, but by the latest chapter of ATR I was really starting to like the character, it made me rather sad. Things change.

by Kippershy Sun May 12, 2013 1:12 pm

Well that's okay then. Maybe you'll like him a little bit more in Wasteland Reborn, or whatever the fuck I end up calling it.
...It's either Wasteland Reborn or Consequence.

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