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Potential Story, Need Feedback

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Potential Story, Need Feedback

Post by OverlordTwiggy on Sun Nov 27, 2011 9:47 pm

Well, for the past week or so I've been considering writing an MLP: FiM fanfic of my own to contribute to the fandom. I'm probably going to get started on it once classes end for the semester, but here are the details I've come up with so far.

Tentative Title: Nocturne

Tentative Summary: It is said that one thousand years ago, Equestria was ruled by two regal sisters. The eldest controlled the sun, and the youngest controlled the moon. One day, driven by jealousy and loneliness, the younger sister refused to lower the moon and allow her sister to raise the sun. History dictates that the younger sister became a monster known as Nightmare Moon and the elder sister banished her to the moon using the elements of harmony. However, no pony knows just what caused her to transform into the wicked Mare in the Moon...

General Idea: A strange entity took hold of Princess Luna, manipulating her naivety and childlike emotions in order to gain a seat of power and punish the ponies who made her take her cursed form. Basically, this entity was cursed by a sorceress to take the form of shadows. This pitiful pony spends her days hiding in the darkness and is forced to eat the dreams of sleeping ponies. This entity must hide from all sources of light, especially the sun, or else she will disappear. I'll re-tell the old tale of the two sisters, implementing this new element to the story, and do it from the perspective of those involved in the tale rather than as an unseen narrator. I'd like to incorporate this entity into future plots--perhaps one where she attempts to take hold of someone else. If so, I'd like to have it so that she was broken into fragments--ie, the armour fragments left behind when Luna returns to her former self--and have them be found by someone else.

What I need help with: I can't decide on a name for this entity: Shadowmare, Umbra, Sable, or Cauche-mar (or maybe something else?). Would anyone read something like this? Should I go ahead and have this entity return and create a new story with new goals for her?

Any feedback would be appreciated.
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OverlordTwiggy
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Re: Potential Story, Need Feedback

Post by CamoBadger on Tue Nov 29, 2011 11:10 pm

*raises hoof* I'd totally read this!

For some reason I'm really diggin' the name Umbra as well....

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My stories: Cold as Ice   |   Fallout Equestria: All That Remains FiMFic Page   |   Fallout Equestria: All That Remains Hub Page
Thanks if you read any of them.

If you have a complaint of any kind, a question or a suggestion, please PM me about it and I will respond as quickly as I can.  


Last wrote:((Camo just likes to kill happiness.))

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Until next time, hugs and kisses.


 ~Miguel
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Re: Potential Story, Need Feedback

Post by InterNutter on Wed Nov 30, 2011 4:32 pm

In situations like this, I turn to either babel fish [to find other language versions of the word I want to use] or thesaurus.com to find interesting synonyms.

In this case, I went to the latter. Here's all the interesting ones.

Dark: cimmerian, aphotic, atramentous, obfuscous, stygian, tenebrous, delphian, abstruse, anagogic, sinister, caliginosity and opacity.

You can make sound-alike or sound-similar names out of most of these. Personally, I like Sinister, because of the multiple meanings. You can even make them a left-hooved pony. If they take pony form.
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Re: Potential Story, Need Feedback

Post by Moonlight on Wed Nov 30, 2011 5:09 pm

Well, you could go directly accurate to the show and call it "Nightmare Moon" or you could use Shadowmare, which is also a really intense idea

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Re: Potential Story, Need Feedback

Post by OverlordTwiggy on Wed Nov 30, 2011 6:31 pm

Thanks for the feedback, guys! =) I'll consider these thing when I get to writing the story and be sure to post it here when I'm finished. ^^
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Re: Potential Story, Need Feedback

Post by OverlordTwiggy on Wed Dec 21, 2011 4:29 pm

Alright, so an update on this! I'm going to get started on this story very soon. I've decided that the shadowmare will be female and will have two names:

1) The name that she had when she was a normal pony (before the curse)
2) A name given to her by Princess Luna

Her original name will be Sinistra and the name given to her by Luna will be either Sable or Moonflower.
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OverlordTwiggy
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Name: Twiggy
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