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Writing Help

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Writing Help

Post by swicked on Tue Jun 19, 2012 8:33 pm

I'm having difficulty with a poem I'm trying to write. I won't post what I have here, because I basically don't have anything.

A couple days ago I got an image in my mind of Xanthe wandering around behind Blackjack and company (by the way, this is Project Horizons stuff) and crying to herself from all the fear of curses, dark, danger, undead and everything else she's had to face in the span of a couple days. I get that most people might find her annoying, but somber's characters always get twisted when they enter my head, and my version of her is young and pitiable, maybe a little older than Scotch but having been trained in an entirely different set of skills (whereas the real Xanthe is probably around Glory's age and, while cute, is probably unlikely to regress to foal-hood).

Anyway, as she's following the group, head down, she starts muttering to herself. Blackjack tries to train her ears on what Xanthe is saying and listens as she sings to herself an old nursery rhyme her mother taught her when she was a foal. A song about how much her mother loves her and how she should feel loved and protected no matter what happens.
I want it to be simple, using small words that a child could remember. Something with clear symbolism and only four or eight lines long. I want it to sound like a nursery rhyme or a lullaby, and I obviously want to give it a pony (or, more specifically, zebra) spin.

I've written a couple pages of poems, several being alternate versions of the others. It's gotten really frustrating, they are all too complicated and lack the sort of passion and structure that would allow Xanthe to sing it between sobs, slowly cheering herself up a little. I've written nursery rhyme poems before, they've just always been silly, like humpty dumpty or etc.

TLDR:
I just want to ask if anyone knows any good nursery rhymes or lullaby about not being afraid or being loved. Something to get me started. Google searches are not helping and I would usually just sort of give up at this point but I thought I'd try asking for help because I've just never done that before.

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Re: Writing Help

Post by Meleagridis on Wed Jun 20, 2012 1:24 am

Hush Little Baby? It seems obvious, but you never know...
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Re: Writing Help

Post by swicked on Wed Jun 20, 2012 1:35 am

Meleagridis wrote:Hush Little Baby? It seems obvious, but you never know...
Yeah, I considered that, but in my mind it's a fairly complicated song that can very greatly in length.
I've already tried using it as inspiration, too. It's just more of a "cheer up" song than a "don't fear" song, anyway.

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Re: Writing Help

Post by Kippershy on Wed Jun 20, 2012 7:36 am

Come now child, mothers here for you.
Come now child, your daddy is here too.
No more dark nights, come back bright lights -
The night will fade away, this for sure I say.
Come now child, mothers here for you.



edit: if you don't want to use nights twice; you could also go with:

Come now child, mothers here for you.
Come now child, your daddy is here too.
No more dark nights, come back bright lights -
Your plight will fade away, this for sure I say.
Come now child, mothers here for you.
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Re: Writing Help

Post by swicked on Wed Jun 20, 2012 9:39 am

I thought one up. I think it works.
Thanks for the help. The poem turned out nothing like yours, kipper, but yours helped me sort of get into the mindset.
I'll be sure to post in this topic again next time I get stuck :)

Edit: just to preempt any possible question to it, it is absolutely NOT my intention to ever share this on the forum. If someone is seriously curious I can PM it to them. It's just a silly child's nursery rhyme, though, so its hardly worth anyone else's time.

Edit:
...I kind of wrote an entire scene around the poem, as well as placing it within the story where I originally imagined it would fit. A sort of null-time between the smooze and the soul jar room. Having the whole thing in context probably adds a more global world to the piece, I think, rather than having it only seem good in my eyes. I still lack any confidence necessary to post it, though, so this is just an update.


Last edited by swicked on Thu Jun 21, 2012 12:18 am; edited 2 times in total

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Re: Writing Help

Post by Kippershy on Wed Jun 20, 2012 10:07 am

Glad I could help you in any way at all :)
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