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Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by Derpmind on Sat Jun 23, 2012 12:36 am

@Unity
Ok, not exactly adding anything to the conversation here, but I speculated on that in the OP. But to expand on it, that pegasus commander (whatever his name was) being around was kind of a huge stroke of luck. Even before all that, Redeye didn't exactly plan on drawing out the Enclave, did he? There aren't that many pegasi in the wasteland prior to the Enclave's invasion, and while Murky, when he was picked up by Protege, is completely unsuitable to being one of the 3 base ponies to form a new Unity, if Redeye absolutely couldn't capture any other Pegasi at all then maybe Redeye would consider Murky as a possibility, and that is enough reason to keep him around and alive and tell Protege to see what he can to with the guy.

Another thing: Is it really so implausible that Protege genuinely doesn't know about Chainlink Shackle's worst abuses? Sure, we've seen how he cranks abuse to 11 with Murky, but Shackle does keep that kind of behavior out of Protege's perception.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by swicked on Sat Jun 23, 2012 3:04 pm

Derpmind wrote:Another thing: Is it really so implausible that Protege genuinely doesn't know about Chainlink Shackle's worst abuses? Sure, we've seen how he cranks abuse to 11 with Murky, but Shackle does keep that kind of behavior out of Protege's perception.
Oh, its certainly possible. Just not likely.
Chainlink is near enough the polar opposite of protege and undermines everything protege claims to be important. Protege builds Murky up, then Chainlink tests those boundaries. Protege show what he must be like, be able to give up, in order to be free. Chainlink drives home the fact that Murky cannot ever have or be anything if he remains a slave.
Chainlink isn't that grand a conman. His very appearance perfectly advertises the whole of his character. I see them as such a perfect good cop / bad cop I don't know how it could be an accident.

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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by Fuzzy on Sun Jun 24, 2012 7:23 pm

As I said before, my official stance is I don't comment on speculation to avoid accidentally spoilering people, whether they are right or wrong.

All I'll say is I am loving seeing the theories, even the ones far from the mark, and learning about how people percieve the characters for good or ill. It makes writing a hell of a lot easier in the end to guage for reaction.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by swicked on Sun Jun 24, 2012 8:12 pm

Fuzzy wrote:As I said before, my official stance is I don't comment on speculation to avoid accidentally spoilering people, whether they are right or wrong.

All I'll say is I am loving seeing the theories, even the ones far from the mark, and learning about how people percieve the characters for good or ill. It makes writing a hell of a lot easier in the end to guage for reaction.

Just picking out what I think are non-spoiler questions from my last review:

Is Murky intentionally close to “Murphy”? Or is there some other reason for “Murky” (like... well, I guess his color scheme)?
Was Minstrel in love with a ghoul? Or he just had an old world photo of a pony that looked similar to the one he loved? Or what?
When did Murky tell him he couldn't read or write? Was that a clue that he knew who Murky was? Because I don't think Murky mentioned it prior to when Minstrel did.
What exactly is “fried air”? I couldn’t even imagine it. Is it the smell of fire or a deep frier or something?
Murky was entertained by a trashcan. I didn’t really get it. Could you name some other things he’d be randomly fascinated by, or was this a throwaway gag? Because a trashcan is a far cry an engineering marvel like a battle saddle, so I guess I just don't get his sudden fixation.

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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by Moodyman90 on Sun Jun 24, 2012 10:37 pm

Personally I imagine fried air smelling like burnt ozone. Granted I don't know what burnt ozone smells like but I've heard it used as a description enough by enough people to form is as a base.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by Cptadder on Sun Jun 24, 2012 11:31 pm

Moodyman90 wrote:Personally I imagine fried air smelling like burnt ozone. Granted I don't know what burnt ozone smells like but I've heard it used as a description enough by enough people to form is as a base.
Not to go into to it to long but be thankful there are plenty of smells that are very horrible once you get to know them. Burning ozone is typically an electrical fire smell, you can also smell it right after (Or very rarely before) a lightning strike. As for what it smells like you can find that out yourself by sticking a capacitor inside a microwave for thirty seconds and smelling the result. That should be long enough to generate the ozone but not burn the plastic which will overpower the ozone smell. Burnt Ozone is very distinctive in the same way that wet dog is distinctive, there is nothing to compare itself to but itself, if you have not smelled it you might as well be describing colors to a blind man.

Needless to say I do not recommend actually doing that, for that and other Microwave related safety tips there's always Is it a good idea to microwave this.. which is exactly what it says on the tin.

For those of you wanting to try it and not willing to wait for lightning, capacitors are a dime a dozen (literally) and a cheap microwave can be had for 20$ or a friends cheap microwave can be had for a single friendship.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by swicked on Sun Jun 24, 2012 11:39 pm

I've smelt burning ozone via electrical fire.
I did not realize that sharp (for lack of many better descriptive words) smell was implied by "fried air".
If this is an apt description, then kay :P

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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by OneMoreDaySK on Sun Jun 24, 2012 11:44 pm

So at this point Murky ain't going nowhere, since
1) he just got recaptured
2) he needs to get his friends out of there
3) he's not capable of surviving away from Filly

Just hope that Filly doesn't break Sunny.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by swicked on Mon Jun 25, 2012 12:05 am

OneMoreDaySK wrote:Just hope that Filly doesn't break Sunny.

I'm expecting something unspeakably horrible to happen to that entirely innocent mare, personally.

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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by O. Hinds on Mon Jun 25, 2012 3:10 am

Swicked wrote:Murky was entertained by a trashcan. I didn’t really get it. Could you name some other things he’d be randomly fascinated by, or was this a throwaway gag? Because a trashcan is a far cry an engineering marvel like a battle saddle, so I guess I just don't get his sudden fixation.
Hm... I'd hazard a guess that perhaps the fascination was due to the trashcan being a piece of engineered utilitarian convenience. It's not a weapon, a necessity, or something only the top of society gets to use; it's just a simple yet clever machine with the sole purpose of making life slightly easier for the common pony.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by Fuzzy on Mon Jun 25, 2012 7:47 am

swicked wrote:Just picking out what I think are non-spoiler questions from my last review:

Is Murky intentionally close to “Murphy”? Or is there some other reason for “Murky” (like... well, I guess his color scheme)?
Was Minstrel in love with a ghoul? Or he just had an old world photo of a pony that looked similar to the one he loved? Or what?
When did Murky tell him he couldn't read or write? Was that a clue that he knew who Murky was? Because I don't think Murky mentioned it prior to when Minstrel did.
What exactly is “fried air”? I couldn’t even imagine it. Is it the smell of fire or a deep frier or something?
Murky was entertained by a trashcan. I didn’t really get it. Could you name some other things he’d be randomly fascinated by, or was this a throwaway gag? Because a trashcan is a far cry an engineering marvel like a battle saddle, so I guess I just don't get his sudden fixation.

Murphy - Not intentional, of course the natural one was a twisting of "Lucky Number Seven." In practice, it could often be considered a very accurate statement.

Minstrel's love - It wasn't a ghoul, the idea was that the picture simply reminded him of his wife, even if it wasn't her. Just a little indication of how wastelanders find comfort where they can.

Fried Air - Yeah, it's burnt o-zone. Murky doesn't know what ozone is, so I had to get a little creative in his mind. Same thing happened when I was writing chapter 10 last night actually, he approaches a t-junction and I realised "Wait a minute, he doesn't know what 't' is!"

Trashcan - Running joke. Murky has a slight practicality angle on his mind, hence the mass annoyances about the lacking of safety rails and suchthings. He gets so very worked up about completely unimportant things that the wonder of a simply utilitarian tool will absolutely fascinate him. He's a quirky little fellow, is our Murky. :p
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by Moodyman90 on Mon Jun 25, 2012 9:44 am

Oh... typically an electrical fire smell, then yes I know what burnt o-zone smells like.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by swicked on Mon Jun 25, 2012 2:42 pm

Fuzzy wrote:Trashcan - Running joke. Murky has a slight practicality angle on his mind, hence the mass annoyances about the lacking of safety rails and suchthings. He gets so very worked up about completely unimportant things that the wonder of a simply utilitarian tool will absolutely fascinate him. He's a quirky little fellow, is our Murky. :p
Ah. I don't actually see handrails as all that practical, just sensible. Handrails are not necessary for the functioning of a walkway, they only become important if a worker loses their balance while on one. I chalked up his "obsession" with that as just annoyance that his life has to be constantly at risk, often for ridiculous and unnecessary reasons.

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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by Cptadder on Sat Jun 30, 2012 10:04 am

Since no one has posted yet, Chapter 9 got posted last night. In it Murky goes to the fair, eats some cotton candy and gets his first kiss from that special somepony.... Obviously none of those things happen, instead he gets to spend time having fun with para sprites and again we get another demonstration that Red-Eye is a short sighted as all get out.

I'd spoiler it but eh we've not been doing so up until now.

What I liked
Murky complains a lot but his crying is far down, burn those tears away my boy you've got surviving to do
Murky gets to meet Red-Eye and they have a nice chat and Red-Eye is portrayed well as both a believer in his own bullshit and a caring pony. Corrupt generosity indeed, he cares yet is happy to let the work in Filly be run by brutal task masters who enjoy the violence to much. If your going to have brutality at least do it efficiently.
The portrayal of the para sprite pits and the sprites themselves. They eat ponies because they are the only food they can get to easily. Also they are not innately hostile just hungry (One spends some time in the chapter riding on Murky's head)
Murky is terrible with an energy weapon that's great and shows Fuzzy not taking the easy way out with Murky getting half of them instead he gets like one in twenty shots.
I like Hive and her addiction, I've liked all of the taskmasters except Shackles who's Murky should get to killing.
Unique weapon got, I like Rarity's Grace in that it fits Rarity to a T in not only that it's the kind of thing Applejack would do in making guns for her friends but that as nice as Rarity's gun is, it's a gun so Rarity leaves it in her desk. I like the idea that it's magically enchanted not to be deadly but to be polite.

After all if your are going to shoot someone one must do it with class and style. Rarity

What I did not like
Unless Murky is sporting endurance ten he should be dead three times over by the end of this chapter. I expected him to get a full medical checkup at the end of the last chapter instead he gets another slipshod job and throw back out. He should be dead as a... a dead thing that's been shot irradiated, infected, poisoned and beaten daily.
Why is Murky listening to Shackles again? He knows Protege gives a damn try talking to him Murky about Shinny and his treatment.
The ending was abrupt I expected it to end when we Murky waved that would have been fine but instead we get a short conversation

Other comments
The pits are another demonstration of stupid management and inefficient methods. Okay lets take suits and not bother maintaining them because obviously taking the time out to make forty well crafted and well sealed suits is far more expensive than ten dead ponies a week because we are throwing everyone in terribly maintained second hand suits. They should have flooded the pits years again and burned the damn things rather sending ponies in there physically grab the nests cut them apart and burn them. Part of this should be in the what I did not like section because it was not explicitly explained WHY they are bothering to do all this rather than flood or burn the nests in place. If the parasprite nests were atop metal stores or something valuable it might make sense but as it is there are just a few hundred ponies dieing down there because... something. Maybe it was explained in FoE and I forget or here in Murky and I missed it.

Also it's confirmed that Protege is loving that Red-eye something fierce and his own believes are not his own, the intellectual thing is a facade instead he has Loyalty to Red Eye and thus Red Eye's believes, or maybe the reverse he loves the idea he loves the stallion who gifted them to him.

Also maybe Protege was not just his first student but a former slave?

OAN:Aww I wanted to see Murky OD on mintals or at least try one
I can see sound and taste colors Crazy
In fact I just want to see Murky on drugs period, lets get him drunk, high or stoned and soon.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by Fuzzy on Sat Jun 30, 2012 3:43 pm

Thanks for the great amount of feedback, Adder. It's always utterly appreciated.

Just while it's the first thing in my mind I'll invert what I read and answer one of the last things first regarding the "purpose" of the Parasprite Pits. After looking over FO:E, there is no 'specific' reason given for their existence or purpose other than to clear out parasprites. A somewhat intelligent handwave is given in chapter 25 about how hard it is to completely eradicate them and if left unchecked would grow and grow without serious effort.

While writing, I came up with a few reasons in my head to try and justify it, such as that they were not just in those pits but rather than the nests were simply being brought from where-ever they were found (like wasp nests) to simply be destroyed in the pits. But part of me didn't like the idea of taking liberties with Kkat's layout of Filly's industry and another part of me kinda liked the idea that Murky never really knew why. They just 'do.' To (I hoped) instill a sense of pointlessness and absolute uncaring monotony to his experience. Whether that succeeded, well, only readers can decide.

Murky on drugs is something of a running gag for the story. I noticed that a huge portion of side fics seem to grasp for the "drug story" in their plotlines, as though in reaction to Pip's amazing struggle against addiction. That they wanted that. Some were good (P-21), others not so. In the end, I wanted to throw that on its head and instead just have Murky not go through that same plotline when I could have his small size give him heavy effects from any he does take. ie - How doped up and high he gets from Med-X.

Mint-Als likely would have made him uncontrollably flirty or very much able to actually speak his mind. A very early character plotline I toyed with was that mint-als were the only thing that let him break the chains around his mind. But that eventually ended up dying off as found it not too interesting to write and plan with. In this chapter, I was tempted to have him take them...but there was no-pony to actually have dialogue with! As such, it would have been pointless. So unfortunately, mint-al Murky may have to wait for a future chapter, should the occasion ever emerge again.

Murky's endurance is low, very low. He's also badly hurt. Chapter 9 mainly concentrated on minor injuries or physical knocks, things that harm or affect him but not enough to undo what Weathervane fixed for him at the end of 8. Most of what he endured in 9 any other protaganist would likely have shrugged off.

Of course, that's what I'm aiming with it. I like to think of his endurance as though he's just desperately keeping his head above water however he can, but never really learning to swim/be properly healed.

I'd just like to stress, I'm not casting away the criticism. I've very much taken it on board to watch and be wary of. Just that's my thoughts I had running while writing Chapter 9. ^^
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by Moodyman90 on Sat Jun 30, 2012 6:02 pm

I enjoyed the chapter. I mean, it's painful to read about everything that happens to Murky but I've accepted that's just what the story is about.
Honestly, it didn't take me long to grasp that Murky can't take injuries like most other protagonist level characters could so even the small ones are major to him.

Course I did watch a lot of programs about prisoners of war who barely got fed and forced to work in horrible conditions where even the tiniest cut could mean the lost of a limb.

I'm also glad you haven't had Murky addicted to anything else. It's an all too common plot point in the FoE stories. I mean, we've had two Med-X addictions and alcoholism in the RP we have going in this very site.
But it's also probably due to that when playing the games I tend to sell every drug I have, with the exception of Med-X , which I rarely use anyways, and Mentats for a small boost.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by Fuzzy on Sat Jun 30, 2012 6:28 pm

You say a small boost. That's what Pip said at first too!

Very glad you enjoyed it!
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by Cptadder on Sat Jun 30, 2012 7:50 pm

First off lost my first long reply due to a back button, must hit review post more often now onto comments
Fuzzy wrote:

Just while it's the first thing in my mind I'll invert what I read and answer one of the last things first regarding the "purpose" of the Parasprite Pits. After looking over FO:E, there is no 'specific' reason given for their existence or purpose other than to clear out parasprites. A somewhat intelligent handwave is given in chapter 25 about how hard it is to completely eradicate them and if left unchecked would grow and grow without serious effort.

While writing, I came up with a few reasons in my head to try and justify it, such as that they were not just in those pits but rather than the nests were simply being brought from where-ever they were found (like wasp nests) to simply be destroyed in the pits. But part of me didn't like the idea of taking liberties with Kkat's layout of Filly's industry and another part of me kinda liked the idea that Murky never really knew why. They just 'do.' To (I hoped) instill a sense of pointlessness and absolute uncaring monotony to his experience. Whether that succeeded, well, only readers can decide.
As a world builder (I build worlds all imaginary because I lack the funds for the real deal) I love going into another writers world, taking his or her work apart down to the bare pieces and seeing if they all still fit together. Does the world make sense? If the heroes and villains vanished could the common folk soldier on for a year without everything falling apart and everyone dieing from starvation. To take a classic example of the Song of Ice and Fire series by George R.R. Martin he mentions in the first book a castled called the Eyrie which is your standard fantasy castle built over a gorgeous view about two thirds of the way up a major mountain. Along the way to the castle just via conversations and character building we get a glimpse of how this Castle works, we see how there were trade offs made in order to build a castle at all two thirds of the way up a mountain, how it's supplied, how it's defended and why you very much understand how medieval level peasants could construct this amazing thing with their level of technology. All of this world building is hidden in conversations of character building as I mentioned.

To the average reader, as you follow murky along you do get a good sense of the work flow in the pit, the fact that the swarm that kills a pony is everyday, the whoosh of flamethrowers, the description of the sad state of his fellow workers. All that works well, my only question is if Red-Eye does have access to power armor (Which he does) why not send in half a dozen soldiers with enough juice pre-stocked so they can burn the whole damn pit to ash. I'm not saying we should take off and nuke the site from orbit (It's the only way to be sure) but it's that key cog that's missing in my mind, that "why have they not burned this mother down yet?"

And my only idea, from my position from the outside looking in would be to say "Because Red-Eye needs a punishment detail" a job that's worse than all other jobs and is the mostly likely to get you killed. But if that were true the scale should be much smaller, not two hundred ponies but twenty, losing ten ponies a day indicates a massive loss ratio. And if Red-Eye was having to send down ten ponies a week he would quickly burn through five hundred ponies a year in his punishment detail. And he has a detail already that has a 90% mortality rate in Protege's little stable raider project. When dealing with prisons you can expect one percent of your population to be repeat troublemakers that would earn pit detail. That works out to roughly 300 pones assuming a slave population of 30,000 (Random number picked from the air). And that's 300 who are trouble makers to be sent to the pits not simply shot and left to die. So assuming the 300 pony troublemaker ratio that means Red-Eye will have to invent troublemakers to get them to fill out the punishment detail ranks. Quite possible as one of the popular methods is singling out a random person occasionally to punish so unless you do extra good you might be beaten anyway for just being average.

Fuzzy wrote:
Murky on drugs is something of a running gag for the story. I noticed that a huge portion of side fics seem to grasp for the "drug story" in their plotlines, as though in reaction to Pip's amazing struggle against addiction. That they wanted that. Some were good (P-21), others not so. In the end, I wanted to throw that on its head and instead just have Murky not go through that same plotline when I could have his small size give him heavy effects from any he does take. ie - How doped up and high he gets from Med-X.

Mint-Als likely would have made him uncontrollably flirty or very much able to actually speak his mind. A very early character plotline I toyed with was that mint-als were the only thing that let him break the chains around his mind. But that eventually ended up dying off as found it not too interesting to write and plan with. In this chapter, I was tempted to have him take them...but there was no-pony to actually have dialogue with! As such, it would have been pointless. So unfortunately, mint-al Murky may have to wait for a future chapter, should the occasion ever emerge again.
The addiction angle I can understand but I almost wish it was lampshaded like Murky goes on mintals and gets suave and suddenly he attracts the wrong kind of attention. Taking Party time mintals helps Littlepip greatly in the short term but hurts her greatly in the long term. Blackjack had something similar except the drug cocktails she was taking was causing long term damage that eventually killed her temporarily, to add in Hired Gun from Heroes that's another hero who's Med-X addiction came about from necessity but is much more downplayed but again the drug helped her right up until she ran out and started paying for it something fierce.

Besides it would be obvious Karma for Murky if every drug he took had an obvious in chapter negative reaction.
Example Murky takes drug x
Takes Med-X, starts tripping and laughing as already seen
Takes Mintals, walks up in bed with a very happy looking slaver pony
Takes Party Time Mintals, wakes up in bed with Shackles and/or Wicked Slit
Takes Dash, believes he can fly, wakes up a pool of his own sick in some horrifying place
Takes Buck, Thinks he's gained super strength, goes hoof to hoof and gets his ass kicked
Takes Rampage, Thinks he can take on Rampage... hilarity ensues as he tries to bite the legs off, alternative starts posing like a WWE wrestler... gets his ass kicked
Can't take Hydra due to taint sooo
Alcohol, gets instantly drunk a vomits all over himself never getting to enjoy the happy stages
When you showed the Med-X thing I thought you were building to an in series joke like Littlepip getting sexually harassed by all her friends or Blackjack getting shot by all of her friends. And now what I thought was Murky was going to find out that drugs... all drugs were bad after an increasingly worse set of experiences.

Besides I've got the mental image of Murky on Rampage trying to throw down and it's adorably hilarious.



Fuzzy wrote:
Murky's endurance is low, very low. He's also badly hurt. Chapter 9 mainly concentrated on minor injuries or physical knocks, things that harm or affect him but not enough to undo what Weathervane fixed for him at the end of 8. Most of what he endured in 9 any other protaganist would likely have shrugged off.

Of course, that's what I'm aiming with it. I like to think of his endurance as though he's just desperately keeping his head above water however he can, but never really learning to swim/be properly healed.
See that's the thing, maybe I missed it in eight but an acknowledgement at some point that Murky felt as healed as he had ever been. That resetting to zero which the last time we got was with Weathervane and his clinic. Since then the injuries just seemed to pile on till Mruky was at negative a billion hitpoints. Maybe I missed it but I expected him to wake up in that cell in Chapter 9 feeling like shit but that most of his pains were gone to indicate that medical treatment but it did not seem like he had gotten the full medical again. Could be me.


Fuzzy wrote:
I'd just like to stress, I'm not casting away the criticism. I've very much taken it on board to watch and be wary of. Just that's my thoughts I had running while writing Chapter 9. ^^
And thanks for popping in to share them, it's always fun to get a peak into the thoughts. I love developers commentaries in games and it's nice getting the internet version for fanfics here.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by Moodyman90 on Sat Jun 30, 2012 8:17 pm

Eeyup, a small boost. Like one every in game week if not more. I tend to favor Intelligence in game for some reason and the wearing of hats is usually enough for me to pass Perception checks.

Mostly use mentats to tie me over till I get can the implants.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by Fuzzy on Sat Jun 30, 2012 8:29 pm

I am an abject world builder as well by a lifelong love. You echo so many of my thoughts, ones I attribute to things like Babylon 5 and Firefly that had great world design elements in them. (Yet to read GoT, intend to though)

I'd like to think people can see a process and industry within Fillydelphia from my writing, as I always keep it forefront even with the brutal methods of Red Eye's work. In general I've tried to portray that there are varied types of slavers. Mr Shiny, Protégé and even to an extent Whiplash are more pragmatic and aim to get things working. Others like Shackles are not as concerned with Red Eye's vision, but get by on their skills as slavers and enforcing the rules to prevent the rougher slaves from rioting.

But the pits were a problem. Unfortunately the most practical solutions are made impossible by, well, the canon. Chapter 25 stated that they involved ponies in old weathered suits judging by Pip's experience. (Although hers was unbreachable until shot, granted.) This sort of killed off things like power armour (although I don't think we've ever seen Red Eye's forces using it) that hinted to me that the parasprties were almost impossible to get rid of, no matter how many times you burned them or made long efforts with big equipment. Although I'd hate to sound like I'm "defending" (no author should ever do this, a reader's first perception is final, as they say) I'd say that the reason for such brutal measures is just that it is one of perhaps the most cost effective ways of maintaining a low enough population by throwing the troublemakers at it.

I believe, if there is a fault on my part, it's perhaps in stating too high a casualty rate. But for story tension and assuring the readers who may not have seen FO:E, it felt indictive to set a threat. I guess you could say it's just been a "bad week" for the Pits if they lost that many a day, maybe? xD

I love that you are willing to get that much thought into it, as I said, I'm a HUGE fan of world design and have other original worlds in my head kicking around too. Getting those little points of "Hey wait..." to something in a practical sense are always handy, thanks. I'd hate to have one of those worlds (often seen in JRPGs, unfortunately) where you see those things make so little damn sense and ignore their own rules.

--

On drugs, you are absolutely right on the idea of it's a running joke. Believe me, if Murky has a good scene to gain from taking mint-als to become Flirty Number Seven (Trademark!) then he will, just in this chapter it didn't so much hold a purpose when he was already alone in a building. I could have worked it in, but I'd rather save such a sight for a classic moment.

Funnily enough, one of my prereaders suggested the same Rampage effect, just thinking he could take on Brim. But the mental image of him squaring up to Rampage is hilarious. I'm not one to often say this but...someone please draw that. xD
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by Cptadder on Sun Jul 01, 2012 12:49 am

Moodyman90 wrote:Eeyup, a small boost. Like one every in game week if not more. I tend to favor Intelligence in game for some reason and the wearing of hats is usually enough for me to pass Perception checks.

Mostly use mentats to tie me over till I get can the implants.

See I was totally different but then I always played a sniper, I ate mentats like candy and when shit hit the fan and I got found I'd swap to the pistol or shotgun of choice, down a buffout and some whiskey and throw with either a psycho if it was a gun fight or a med-x if it was a melee fight. I never touched jet since I only used VATS to put me on target for the first shot after I downed an enemy. Unless I saw the enemy with a grenade then I'd switch to my rapid fire weapon and unload and hope for the lucky hit.

Fuzzy wrote:I am an abject world builder as well by a lifelong love. You echo so many of my thoughts, ones I attribute to things like Babylon 5 and Firefly that had great world design elements in them. (Yet to read GoT, intend to though)
Do so, Game of Thrones is a great ride but if you have a choice these days I recommend you watch the show first then go back for the books.

Fuzzy wrote:
I'd like to think people can see a process and industry within Fillydelphia from my writing, as I always keep it forefront even with the brutal methods of Red Eye's work. In general I've tried to portray that there are varied types of slavers. Mr Shiny, Protégé and even to an extent Whiplash are more pragmatic and aim to get things working. Others like Shackles are not as concerned with Red Eye's vision, but get by on their skills as slavers and enforcing the rules to prevent the rougher slaves from rioting.
Which is why I despite Shackles, if he was anywhere else I'd imagine him getting dinged in his yearly Red-Eye performance review. And yes my head-cannon is that Red Eye brings his slavers in once a year to have a nice sit down chat with them about work quality, personal issues and some face time with the boss. I imagine Wicked Slit is probably employee of the month based on her mania with production numbers.


Fuzzy wrote:*snipped out of order
This sort of killed off things like power armour (although I don't think we've ever seen Red Eye's forces using it)
During the battle in his Church we hear descriptions of ponies in battle armor fighting Enclave forces. I imagine he has Power armor just very few suits. If he's been fighting Steel Rangers as long as he has after all some of those fights HAVE to go his way and with an intact earth pony stable he has an easy way to get them working again.


Fuzzy wrote:
But the pits were a problem. Unfortunately the most practical solutions are made impossible by, well, the canon. Chapter 25 stated that they involved ponies in old weathered suits judging by Pip's experience. (Although hers was unbreachable until shot, granted.) that hinted to me that the parasprties were almost impossible to get rid of, no matter how many times you burned them or made long efforts with big equipment. Although I'd hate to sound like I'm "defending" (no author should ever do this, a reader's first perception is final, as they say) I'd say that the reason for such brutal measures is just that it is one of perhaps the most cost effective ways of maintaining a low enough population by throwing the troublemakers at it.

I believe, if there is a fault on my part, it's perhaps in stating too high a casualty rate. But for story tension and assuring the readers who may not have seen FO:E, it felt indictive to set a threat. I guess you could say it's just been a "bad week" for the Pits if they lost that many a day, maybe? xD
Well look at it from a reader prospective just being described, there are pits, they have basically flying piranha fish. But the pits have existed long enough for all this elaborate safe guards and a wire mesh over the entire place. That indicates a permanence as that's not the thing you can throw up over night. And I'm guessing in the mean time you have parasprites flying around eating pones. So that means either the parasprites can not be eliminated or they are not all destroyed to keep the pits around for some reason.

Fuzzy wrote:
I love that you are willing to get that much thought into it, as I said, I'm a HUGE fan of world design and have other original worlds in my head kicking around too. Getting those little points of "Hey wait..." to something in a practical sense are always handy, thanks. I'd hate to have one of those worlds (often seen in JRPGs, unfortunately) where you see those things make so little damn sense and ignore their own rules.
The worst of those examples are the Elder Scrolls series. Only Morrowind had proper scale, hey look here's the high rent district, here's the merchants area and... yes those shitty looking buildings why it's a slum! Outside the city... is that a farm for feeding the city? Granted it's only two or three farms to feed a city of only about a hundred but by god it's a sense of scale. Compare that to Oblivion or Skyirm which have bandit filled dungeons every ten feet but the Nine forbid we have those damn poors stinking up our city, if we have a graveyard it shall be six graves tops as we are all immortal undying folks here. And never the tiny little land with green leafy trees less than half a mile from snow drifts. Only the throat of the world had the proper distant climb such a place should demand. Both those games suffered from a 1/3rd to scale problem as it was named, each game is about the third the size it needs to be to be somewhat realistic.
--
Fuzzy wrote:
On drugs, you are absolutely right on the idea of it's a running joke. Believe me, if Murky has a good scene to gain from taking mint-als to become Flirty Number Seven (Trademark!)
*Damn and I had the paperwork half filled out with the trademark office, even had the T-shirts and bath scents lined up.

Fuzzy wrote:
Funnily enough, one of my prereaders suggested the same Rampage effect, just thinking he could take on Brim. But the mental image of him squaring up to Rampage is hilarious. I'm not one to often say this but...someone please draw that. xD
If I had the talent I'd draw it. But I just like the inversion, fearless rage pony Murky trying to throw down (Which is why the posing is important) as he smack talks whoever before launching himself at the pony in question as he desperately tries to first pick them up, then throw them then goes for the ankles as the pony in question just kinda ignores Raging Number Seven.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by Moodyman90 on Sun Jul 01, 2012 1:14 am

"Well there was one play through where I took ALL the drugs in one go and got into a fight. Think it was with the Van Graffs in the Silver Rush since they wanted to kill Cass.

Having not played the earlier games all Cass was to me was the lady with the shotgun and drank whiskey, so to my surprise when I turned to talk to her after the fight she started yelling at me for taking those drugs. Later found out she's the daughter of Cassidy from the second game who had a heart condition but that's beside the point right now.

Her yelling at me, or rather my character, was the most concern I've seen about my health and well being outside of family in a long while. And that's why I now sell all my drugs and actually cut Mentat use WAY back from before.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by swicked on Sun Jul 01, 2012 1:32 am

Cptadder wrote:Which is why I despite Shackles, if he was anywhere else I'd imagine him getting dinged in his yearly Red-Eye performance review. And yes my head-cannon is that Red Eye brings his slavers in once a year to have a nice sit down chat with them about work quality, personal issues and some face time with the boss. I imagine Wicked Slit is probably employee of the month based on her mania with production numbers.

I hope to find time to read the chapter soon, so I'm just skimming the comments here for stuff that I think I could comment on without any future knowledge. Like this point, for example.

I don't think Red Eye paid any attention whatsoever to the slaves and slavers beyond his promotional messages. I personally think he was so involved in the R&D aspects of his operation, being a bit of an innovator himself (perhaps an unfair assumption I made based on his high-tech eye), as well as his arms race to prepare for the Enclave offensive, something he still wasn't able to prepare quite enough for. Between those and general diplomacy and propoganda, participating in planning for future developments in the industries, and taking ample time to personally teach his group of pet foals (something I imagine he couldn't help but do to try and ease what little conscience he had left while simultaneously stroking his ego with their cries of adoration), I think he barely spent a single moment trying to handle the production aspects of his operation, counting on his subordinates to handle everything and ensure production never slowed down. Being a stable pony I doubt he had the head to handle the enormity of the operation, let alone its economics. His second in command (I don't remember her name), being a griffin mercenary of comparable aptitude to Gawd, probably took charge of the majority of that. All the easier for Gawd to step in afterward and fill her role.

FoE griffins seem pretty much interchangeable, anyway.

In any case, considering how strongly Red Eye believed in his own BS, I just see him initially trying to do as you suggest... meeting with slavers and trying to help them to perform better, then quickly feeling himself becoming disillusioned and stopping before he couldn't live with dealing with these sort of ponies anymore.
One can only wonder how he put up with maintaining his appearances at the arena games.

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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by Derpmind on Sun Jul 01, 2012 4:35 pm

I don't agree with your headcanon, Swicked.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by OneMoreDaySK on Sun Jul 01, 2012 10:39 pm

Read the chapter, didn't comment. At least he's back with Glimmer. Now they really need to find a way to fix Murky and...

Oh wait, is Red Eye's plan to try and make Murky strong willed enough for his Assimilation plot? Really hoping he won't die here.

@CptAdder The reason why he doesn't just blab it all to Protoge about Shackles is because the guy still has leverage over Murky, seeing as he holds Sunny's and NiceMare's lives in check. Plus Murky is still in that scared mindset that makes him easily manipulated. He's showing a bit of spine in the last chapters, and I hope he gets in to a reversal scenario where he's gonna kill Shackles.

@Derpmind Care to expand on your own ideas?
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by O. Hinds on Mon Jul 02, 2012 5:55 am

OneMoreDaySK wrote:He's showing a bit of spine in the last chapters, and I hope he gets in to a reversal scenario where he's gonna kill Shackles.
With a battle saddle, naturally. I can see it now: Shackles, enraged, charges through a door or around a corner with the intent of doing some horrible thing or other... and there's Murky with a spinning pair of miniguns. No clever words or anythings, just a glare at Shackles's look of realization followed by a hard bite on the trigger.
...And then Murky flies back across the room from the recoil, but still.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by Fuzzy on Mon Jul 02, 2012 12:56 pm

Miniguns would likely be bigger than he is. I guess that might be an alternative method of flight. Think Wall-E with the fire extinguisher.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by OneMoreDaySK on Mon Jul 02, 2012 11:58 pm

Fuzzy wrote:Miniguns would likely be bigger than he is. I guess that might be an alternative method of flight. Think Wall-E with the fire extinguisher.

Bwahahahaha. Dat iz funny tink. All he needs now iz sandvich and he'll be heavy weapons guy. /horribleaccent
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by swicked on Tue Jul 03, 2012 2:56 am

And here's another reading review.

Spoiler:
Starting chapter 9. Mood: Vindictive.

Googling quote… I don’t get it.

Yeah, sucks about Sunny.

Hahaha, deaths and enslavement of others is the price to help you? Do you ever wonder why so few do? Besides, you cause that sort of crap everywhere you go, anyway!

Chainlink probably wouldn’t survive all that long out in the wastes. He could take on raiders, sure, but the way he looks, with the level of stealth he is capable of? If he headed into the wrong gang’s territory they’d blow his head off with a sniper round. He’s little more than a big fish in a moderately large pond.
…though, honestly, I’ve long felt the same about Brim. Hand to hand and melee-users are hard plays in Fallout and Brim takes a lot of hits. A couple flamer baths could probably do him in, let alone anyone with an energy weapon. He’s just too big a target to go up against anyone with firepower that isn’t slow enough for him to dodge. It’s a wonder he was able to take on a steel ranger like that. It wasn’t unreasonable to believe she could beat him on in a contest of strength in that thing. Unfortunately, with Murky’s help, she turned out to be the lower on that bet.
Anyway, it’s not like Chainlink would be supported in his personal campaign for a single slave, being sent out with scouting parties and the like. There just aren’t enough resources to go around for that.

Chainlink hid her from Minstrel? But Minstrel is dead… am I confusing ponies? O_o
Or… well, I guess Minstrel thought Sunny was dead prior to his own death. Eh.

Hah, I wonder what he could be doing to her? I mean, rape, okay whatever. But what else? I wonder if we’ll eventually get to see her again and get a look at the shape he’s left her in XD

Cutting the guard a break? If this is Protégé he’s being a fool. Chainlink is supposed to be his subordinate, stand up for once, lest I CONTINUE to suspect you two are in cahoots.

…it is Protégé. Sigh… I hope someone smacks this guy around eventually. Maybe Chainlink. That’d be nice…

Eyes Forward Sparkle. You know, I figured that was what that was. Nice to have it stated, though.

“Give me your trust, Murk, I will keep you from the dangers as much as I can, help you become somepony better. Perhaps you will see the value you can be as a worker to me, or perhaps something mo-”
Perhaps he can be more than just a worker to you, Protégé? Fuzzy, why are you giving in to this ship? x_X

“Stop calling me a worker! I'm not! I'm a slave! Whipped, hurt, kept locked up and ruining every day of my life it can!”
The wording is just sorta weird here…

Hmm… let me guess, at some point they are going to try and escape through the underground subway tunnels and will encounter these things no-pony has apparently ever identified.

“I do...care for you.”
I’m not even going to comment on this anymore.

Red Eye is a silly pony.

And a very personable SOB, too.

Paraspite pits… huh. What keeps those flying buggers in the pits, anyway?

“His Master seemed to agree with this, smiling a little greater and patting the shoulder once before standing tall and proud once again.”
Probably should be “his shoulder”

…huh, bucking the metal wall? Brim? Or was it Chainlink, thinking he’d lost his prize?

“Stood on the ashy gravel next to the broken tarmac road”
Standing.

Nice to see Whiplash punishing Murky for a good reason.

“With Protégé, Red Eye and now him...I was quickly beginning to remember how pathetically small I was in Fillydelphia.”
…and yet they are all interested in YOUR affairs. Hardly seems like you’re all that small…

…I wonder what Sooth Morass’s name means…

…from this description I still wonder what the point of the parasprite pits is. I mean, they appear to be feeding the paraspites slaves, so… what, are they creating their own problem?

…really, the nests are the problem? Why? The parasprites can just make more. They have nowhere else to go, so they’ll just make another in the general area. They don’t even store food or lay eggs… they reproduce instantly. I am very confused, here.

Hehe, so now he has to do a good job at something for once? That’ll be interesting…
I wonder if he’ll end up playing or making music by the end to survive this. Something to lead the parasprites directly into the flames…
…nah. That’s way too impressive for the likes of him. He’ll probably think of doing it, then write it off as being a stupid idea that that demonic pink pony would probably have thought of.

Mint-als is an interesting addiction for a slaver. She doesn’t seem all that more personable or charismatic on them, though.

Heh, sharing is caring. Ergo, NOT sharing…

I see the way you’re eyeing that patch, Murky. Good luck with that lift.

“sudden intelligent” my butt.

“All you are is another number to me...more than most.” No, you want him GONE. He’s bad luck and infamous… she knows not only his name, but every master he’s had since he got to Filly. These idiots just don’t know how to stop contradicting themselves.

Hah, nice lift, Murk. Strange how your skill with sewing is coming in handy so often.

Well, that was a close one. Rolling, huh?

…it really IS getting a little tiresome… him moaning about being a slave, I mean. This is his life. This is all he’s ever known. He can compare his pain and abuses to the times when he’s been left alone, but he can’t compare not being a slave to being a slave. He’s always been one.

“A single gunshot was usually heard following them...”
...the hell why. Throw them in the fires. The incinerator. What, now there’s ammo to waste? Someone tell me they at least remove the suit first.

If I had to guess, you’re going to have to impress her by saving her in some fashion. Not even another slave or slaver would do. Just her.

“sharp and perceptive personality come from” what? She’s being neither. She’s pointing out the obvious.

“show my worth to Hive...to Red Eye...to Equestria...”
Oooooo… Murky, you’re buying into Red Eye, aren’t you? ;D

Ooooh… the parasprites just… sit in the nests. Hibernating?

“My ears vibrated, their sensitive...whatevers...that actually heard things aching and pinging in pain”
Haha, Fuzzy, ever since you made that comment about “Oh wait, Murky wouldn’t know that, would he?” moments in the story, I imagine you getting to parts like this and going “Gaahhhh… WHATEVER.”
(Oh, this is my united states of…)

“Pulled from the swarm, behind me I saw the wagon explode into fragments and planks as it landed in the nest pile and punched right through to the concrete floor. Pulled at an angle, I dropped over the top of it and squelched into the rest. Punching through the weak material, it only marginally supported my landing before the hard rock knocked the wind out of me and sent lances of pain shooting from every wound I owned. Crying out, even within the nests, I simply curled up, clenching my teeth and seething in pain.”
I’ve read this a few times and I still don’t get what’s happening. Okay, Murky is on a ramp, or at least near and edge overlooking the pile of nests to be cut up and burned. He’s being pushed by the pony with a cart behind him, getting closer to falling down into the nests. One of the wheels of the wagon comes off while we’re at it.
Then… the swarm picks up, starts pushing him too, then… the wagon explodes… or, wait, he went off the edge, and the wagon hands on the nests, blowing apart and punching THROUGH a concrete floor? Is it not made of wood? Is the “weak material” here the concrete? Where did Murky land, if not on the nests? What happened here?

“Get it out! Somepony get it out! MY EYE! MY EYE!”
…talk about eye candy

Or this is good. By all means, live the legend.

Okay, you’ve given Morass everything you have and more, now take the dang RadAway and drink it.

…you didn’t drink it. You were told you had hours, at most, to live… and you carried it around with you like a damn fool. This is beyond stupidity. I would have guzzled it on the spot, in front of Morass. He probably would have thought it adorable, then giving you another line about employment, told you that at your current state the Rad-Away wouldn’t keep you overnight, something… but no. Go trotting about, searching for the ministry of image, with the rare and valuable medicine hanging from your mouth… naked as the day you were born, your wings in full view, no less.
Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid.

“Is...is this some kind of cruel joke?”
Hehe. I wonder why that slave let you go with just one stomp?
Actually, I wonder how Sooty recognized Murky so quickly in the first place, what with the full-body suit…

“Sorry, mas-I mean, Mister Mast, uh, Mister Mosi-, um, Mech- or...”
“Master!” ”Mister!” ”Mustard!” “Mew mew!"

“Why was nothing ever easy?”
Murky, you wouldn’t know easy if it came up and bit yah. You will whine about ANYTHING.

“The low buzz became louder as they rounded the same corner, twenty feet behind me.”
I don’t think this coma is needed.

Hmm… thinking back, I honestly think Murky taking up the stupid ball and giving up everything for that Rad-Away, in pain and coughing up blood as he was, as well as being told how little time he had left… for him to get the Rad-Away and do ANYTHING but greedily guzzle it down immediately, maybe only being stopped from finishing it by a larger buck knocking him to the side for being in the way, is a bit excessive. Maybe that’s what should have happened. He’s so overjoyed with it he rips it open and immediately gets knocked over, while Sooty sighs and shrugs at him for having let that happen to his precious Rad-Away, immediately offering him another if Murky will let him chop off his wings or something.

“Metallic, rounded and floating silently, a big screen on the front of it lay dormant as it seemed to just stare at me. After a second or two when my smile had faded, it gradually floated off in a rather wobbly fashion down the corridor. I really hated those things. Creeping up on you...acting randomly and then just buzzing off...”
And playing that music you hate. Can’t forget about that.
Something heavy on the tuba, and strangely enthralling to the parasprites…

Murky, getting further and further from the mission at this point…

Random thought: Red Eye likes going on about how cutie marks don’t matter, right? I’m a bit surprised he never commented on Murky’s. His cutie mark seemingly implies slavery is his destiny and yet his ambition is to be free. I would have thought Red Eye a bit impressed in finding another pony consciously ignoring his destiny.

I wonder if Spike is ever going to try talking to Murky… nah. He is only concerned with “heroes”.

“and likely would for at least another six rebirths”
What is he, a Buddhist? :P

This place really doesn’t seem as dangerous as advertised.

Oooh, he found mint-als. That’s sure to impress.
I don’t think you can overdose on mint-als. They’re advertised as having the same effect regardless of your addiction, it’s just your time OFF them that gets worse and worse. So taking a bunch would, at most, lengthen the high, right?

I feel almost apologetic for the lack of commentary on my part for the majority of this chapter so far. The dialogue is pretty good, the atmosphere is great, Murky’s behavior is pretty spot on, and the descriptions are very nice, if a little long at times. I have to admit that, occasionally, I kinda wish Murky could describe things either briefer or a bit more on the go rather than devoting a good paragraph to a given area if he’s rapidly changing venues. I mostly chalk this up to his artistic side, though. His need to flesh out an area for the sake of his story.

So that’s… possibly two dead, eight to go, right? Is he going to be stuck here into next chapter?

“Either somepony had one heck of a thing about cleanliness or it just hadn't ever been used.”
I would guess the later, considering Rarity’s style is “controlled chaos”, ala the “Sisterhooves Social” episode in which Sweetie Bell cleans up Rarity’s workroom :P
Cluttered but clean… after all, being overly orderly doesn’t lend itself to much creativity…
But dirt, sweat, and etc… yeah, she wouldn’t care for that, Murk.

“Granted, I may have cheekily given them a few pointers on getting blankets warmer.”
On getting warmer blankets? On making their blankets warmer?

Refugees disappearing? I wonder if your headcanon, Fuzzy, matches Somber’s… or if this is your OWN plot. I’m gonna assume the later, I think.

…oooooooooooo, new gun! I hope I hope I HOPE Murky somehow gets to keep this one…

Is Murky channeling sweetie bell or something..?

I’m even more confused about how this whole air vent thing went down. It’s so cramped he can’t even turn around, but they can get under his stomach. Then there’s a control panel in the air vent to be hit. Then there’s enough air passage around him for the parasprites to be sucked away, even thought he’s at a completely dead end. Then he just crawls back the way he came to get back to the cat bed. Huh.

:D, wingboner for mint-als, GENIUS

…darn it, taking that awesome gun. Darn it -_-

Sigh… la de dah, not he right answer, Protégé. Sad that Murky won’t call you on it.

The end. Decent chapter, not my favorite. Just a lot of directionless wandering. Given how few chapters this fic is going to have (twelve total, right?) this seemed a bit filler-y. I dunno. Still enjoyable, though.
You’ve also had some great hooks lately with the threat of the pits looming, before that freedom finally being in their sight, before that (I believe) Murky suddenly being isolated… this one isn’t a hook. It’s more of just a conclusion. I don’t ALWAYS expect a hook or anything, but it helps build excitement for the chapter to come.

I might be coming off a little blasé right now. In any case, good job, it was entertaining, if seemingly a bit longer than necessary at times.

Reading cptadder’s comments… I think it definitely would have been a stronger end to cut at Murky waving as he’s driven away. This conversation with Protégé could have been saved for next chapter. And his sudden endurance can be explained by his new quest perk! :P

By the way, for the problems with Hives being on mint-als I mentioned above… I would imagine a better way to portray it would have her having a bit of a slur while using incorrect grammar while she suffers her withdrawl shakes. Something to advertise she’s not putting that much focus into communication. Afterwards she’s not only direct and precise, but clear and commanding. Murky would feel a sway to follow her orders even when they weren’t directed at him, much like Red Eye’s or someone else with a high charisma score’s commands. He could comment she seemed like an entirely different pony.
I dunno, just my thoughts. I just sort of found it… off, to have him simply point out she suddenly seemed so much more coherent. I’d rather he describe the effect she had on him than his observations of her more general aura.

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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by Fuzzy on Tue Jul 03, 2012 1:29 pm

Absolutely lovely feedback, utterly honest too, which I really get into.

And truth be told, I actually agree with a lot of this, including some of the mor emoronic sentence structure errors, that normally isn't something I make mistakes on but I believe much of it was from some last minute editing I did, hence it may not have had as many re-reads.

Originally, Hive was actually a lot more like Slit, but she had a lot of dialogue changes to keep her from just being "Slit 2.0", as no-pony can really replace her. This may have been where that lack of "difference" came from. She used to have a stammer, t-t-this while speaking until she took the mint-al. In theory it's good, but prereaders found it annoying and it utterly broke her authority on first meeting her.

The wagon fall was really just falling off the earth ramp into the nests, the wagon shattering apart upon landing. That paragraph is a bit over descriptive though (this is a consistent writing element I am trying to address, Murky's artistic flourish on environment description is very deliberate, but this habit seeps into paragraphs it shouldn't be present in sometimes.

The air duct meanwhile, it was too cramped for him to say, turn around and face his head the other way. But he could still twist and roll onto his back to look down over his belly, which was how they reached him.

Murky very much had the idiot ball on the RadAway, but his mental reaction is to crawl off and find somewhere quiet most of the time. The unspoken intent was that he didn't want to look desperate in front of Sooty. This perhaps could have been stated. I sometimes like to test and see how well Murky's personality is judged by now, so it's interestig to guage the reactions.

Really, a big thanks for the feedback. It's stuff like this that makes me think and nod, even if it sometimes makes me bite my lip to have such things pointed out or questioned. Usually it ends with me going and editing up the next chapter to improve it or trying to get better in future ones, which of course is only a good thing!
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

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