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Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by swicked on Wed Jun 20, 2012 12:03 am

Aonee wrote:
Fuzzy wrote:Believe me, I am in the same boat.
Now all we have to do is make sure it doesn't drop on Security.... Speaking of which, I wonder how Murky would feel about her. Is the notasmart pony going to be mentioned to him ever?
I think Murky would initially be afraid of Blackjack.
But, eventually, they'd get along just fine. As long as you're not evil Blackjack is too helpful and laid back not to get along with.
In fact, after I read one of the early chapters of MN7 I wrote a skit to that effect :P

If he learns about her just based on DJ PON3's broadcasts, though... well, likely BJ would be presented in a positive light somewhat comparable to Littlepip's, if not as affectionately, and Murky would probably fall under the impression that she was a little mare like Littlepip was, which would lead to a rather rude awakening from his fantasies when he finally met her :P

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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by Cptadder on Wed Jun 20, 2012 12:18 am

Derpmind wrote:References for reference's sake is no better than throwing memes all over a story. When working within the same ~verse however, done well you can make your story and the world have little bits of interconnectedness that make everything more immersive and believable; 'realistic' in a way. The occasional radio broadcast that mentions 'Security' can't possibly snap anyone out of the story of the FoE~verse
Exactly, having Murky hear about the adventures of Security is far different from meeting Security or running into Littlepip again. The story would not be without the encounter with Littlepip so that's earned. Getting status updates via radio on where Littlepip is in her journey gives us a timing method to figure out where in the timeline we are. Hearing about some other Hero via the radio is no big issue, only meeting or directly interacting with them is.

As a side mention sometimes it can be useful to compare and contrast characters. For example I'd think Redeye if he payed attention to Security would be a big fan of her work stablising Hoofington and generally speaking not getting in his way or hurting his business. There was that one run in with some of his slavers but otherwise Security has been busy fighting all of his enemies this entire time. Seeing Protege contrasting the Stable Dweller with Security might make for fun dialog but that's always the main draw of inculding those little radio segments to get your own characters reacting to the base story of FoE.

Derpmind wrote:
Then there's having Murky meeting a character of another fic, which is completely different. Project Horizons spoiler (not that everyone here hasn't read it)
Spoiler:
I think there were a couple people who didn't like Blackjack meeting Littlepip, but most everyone loved the socks off of those two chapters. No reason you couldn't consider Murky meeting a character from FoE, even if only after FoE's ending.
I loved those two chapters because as MisterMech shows, Littlepip and Security would be an awesome comedy team. Littlepip makes such a great strait pony for Blackjack to work off of.

Spoiler:


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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by OneMoreDaySK on Wed Jun 20, 2012 12:42 am

Cptadder wrote:

Have you seen Swicked's skits?
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by Cptadder on Wed Jun 20, 2012 11:05 am

OneMoreDaySK wrote:
Cptadder wrote:

Have you seen Swicked's skits?
Yes, Yes I had, I read all 18,000k comments before I started commenting about three weeks back. And yes I noticed the skits that were first in the comments that appeared in 37. Trollestia
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by swicked on Wed Jun 20, 2012 2:44 pm

Cptadder wrote:Yes, Yes I had, I read all 18,000k comments before I started commenting about three weeks back. And yes I noticed the skits that were first in the comments that appeared in 37. Trollestia
I cannot overstate how cool it was for somber to do that XD
Absolutely not my intention; I didn't even realize there was an actual team-up of Blackjack and Littlepip in the works at the time.
I've written a bunch more since that initial batch, in case you didn't know. Some people like them.
I haven't thought of any especially good ones in a while, though. You're absolutely right about the teamup of Blackjack and Littlepip being gold Spike

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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by Fuzzy on Wed Jun 20, 2012 4:04 pm

Wait a minute, now I recognise you, swicked. You were the one that wrote up more of the jokes that turned up in Chapter 35, weren't you?

I knew I recognised your name from the PH comments threads somewhere on EQD long back. Most excellent, they were good funny stuff.

Cue me very interested in hearing that skit you wrote. Those BJ/LP ones were hysterical.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by swicked on Wed Jun 20, 2012 5:14 pm

Fuzzy wrote:Wait a minute, now I recognise you, swicked. You were the one that wrote up more of the jokes that turned up in Chapter 35, weren't you?

I knew I recognised your name from the PH comments threads somewhere on EQD long back. Most excellent, they were good funny stuff.

Cue me very interested in hearing that skit you wrote. Those BJ/LP ones were hysterical.
*blink blink*
I live to serve.
(note that they won't make sense unless you were caught up with Project Horizons at the time of their conception)
I also made a poem that spans the entire breadth of "Book 1" of Project Horizons, all told over a few hands of poker between Blackjack and The Dealer (also on that account).
And some other stuff.

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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by Fuzzy on Wed Jun 20, 2012 5:48 pm

I do recall a good many of those earlier ones. Good bit of mad fun, thanks for linking. For a bit I wasn't sure if you meant you'd written one involving Murky based on how you typed the post way above, but I was wishing to see those PH ones anyway.

Much laughter was had.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by swicked on Wed Jun 20, 2012 5:52 pm

swicked wrote:Not entirely caught up with Murky Number Seven yet (finished chapter 3, so this might not even make sense to someone who’s caught up), but this scene fell into my head so, as per usual, I typed it out to share with the other MNS fans here :P

Murky Number Seven: “BLACKJACK! Blackjack, have you seen my pipbuck anywhere? I fell asleep listening to it last night and now it’s gone!”
Blackjack: *lounging on a pile of whiskey bottles* “Nnnnope.”
Littlepip: *trots up, looking sleepy and disheveled* “Hey, Murky, sorry about that; I meant to surprise you. I fixed your pipbuck! I didn’t have many spare parts so it took a little longer than I thought, but it’s done. My gosh, it was SO much worse than it looked. It, uh… n-never mind, it doesn’t matter. Here! And look, you’ll able to wear it normally, now, too!”
Murky: “Ah…” *looks at it, questioningly, fiddling with the dials* “Um, what’s this?”
Littlepip: “Oh, uh… that’s your inventory, see? There’s where-”
Murky: “Right, right…” *fiddles a little more* “…and this?”
Littlepip: “…that, uh, those are your logs, so-”
Murky: “Mmhmm.” *pushes a button* “And what’s this?”
Littlepip: “Are you having trouble reading the display or something..?”
Murky: “Hmmm… Hey, Blackjack, can you smash this for me?”
Blackjack: “Hmm? Oh, sure.” *places pipbuck on a table and begins waling on it with a hoof while Littlepip watches, her jaw dropping in horror*
WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM
Murky: “Hmm… a little more.”
Blackjack: “k”
Littlepip: “Wait-”
WHAM WHAM WHAM CRACK CRASH CRUNCH
Murky: “Almost there.”
Littlepip: “B-but-”
CRUNCH CRUNCH BOOM Hissssssszat zat buzzzz…
Murky: *picks up the smoking, sparking pipbuck and fiddles with the dials, bits and pieces still falling off of it as the white noise eventually turns into Sweety Bell’s singing* “Thanks, Blackjack.”
Blackjack: “No problem.” *resumes drinking as Murky trots off happily*
Littlepip: *staring at the ground, wide-eyed and shaking her head* “Everyone… they’re all crazy. They’re all just crazy…”
Blackjack: “Eeeeyup.”

By the way, should we start a thread for it, even though its author doesn’t come here? Unlike FoE, MNS will never be canon with PH, so I don’t know if I should continue to talk about it in this thread.

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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by Fuzzy on Wed Jun 20, 2012 6:08 pm

Could not stop facepalming. For the right reasons, I assure. Fun stuff.

Although part of me continually is horrified at seeing poor Pip's hard work to be nice to him going to waste. I think as of later chapters we all know how Murky would react to Pip taking attention to him in the slightest. :p
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by Aonee on Wed Jun 20, 2012 7:12 pm

Okay, looks like i as wrong. It wasn't Maid!MurkyxGlimmerlight, it was MrukyxProtege. I'm starting to worry about those two Fuzzy...
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by Fuzzy on Wed Jun 20, 2012 7:26 pm

You and me both. It gives that Maid picture a whole new meaning of sheer mindboggling proportions.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by Aonee on Wed Jun 20, 2012 8:24 pm

Okay, now I'm coming up with a Soap Oprea-type scene where Shacklea has been forcing Murky to cheat on Protege.... Serious Wat is involved.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by Derpmind on Thu Jun 21, 2012 8:46 pm


Source
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by tylertoon2 on Fri Jun 22, 2012 12:00 am

Derpmind wrote:
Source

I almost fucking choked. Wow. That is hilarious.




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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by O. Hinds on Fri Jun 22, 2012 3:02 am

Derpmind wrote:
Source
...My.

On a related note, I'm beginning to think that I may have a very specific weakness for FoE crack M/M pairings.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by swicked on Fri Jun 22, 2012 4:25 am

Kay, reading review of Murky Number Seven, Chapter 8.

What this means is that I would read a bit and comment. Even if I didn't have anything particularly to say, I would just say something. Whatever was on my mind, the idea being to relay what it was like to read the chapter. Kind of like a play-by-play, I suppose. Sound fun? I hope so.

Take one. Action.

Spoiler:
Heh, yeah, Murky definitely failed pretty hard. It’s amazing how fast Ragini was on him. Maybe the master asked her to keep an eye on Murky?

I don’t think Murky has had anyone follow him so far. Leading him, though…

Nor has anyone helped him every step of the way. I suppose Brim and Glimmer are willing to, per say, but it hasn’t really worked out that smoothly so far.

By the way, that “no safety” thing last chapter was brilliant. I dunno what made me remember that.

Yeah, memories are certainly interesting in Fallout Equestria, to say the least. All the more so in this fic.

Murky is such a sap. Dreams are something to shoot for, but to reclaim a dream… is it really a dream, at that point? If you’ve already had it? I like the line, but now I’m confused by it. I do that a lot…

Heh, yeah, “You need freedom to get freedom.” You definitely can’t escape in your mind by escaping in your body.

While I don’t like Brim at all as he’s irredeemably stupid and self centered in my eyes, I rather like Glim. She’s just incredibly hilarious.

Yay, go for it, Murky! Fail spectacularly!

They’re hiding on the rooftops? What rooftops? Is this stable in a town?

Oooh, well, this is exciting/confusing. Chaotic indeed.

Gezz, lots of noise.

Aww… someone’s hugging him while he’s passed out.

Or it’s a dream? I wonder when Murky’s gonna figure out she’s not into males. Probably never. Murky will just eventually get over her.

These five words, though, will probably come together by the end of this chapter.

“We have to stay together”? “We will always be together”? Huh.

He’s tied up? Suddenly I remember that Murky as a French maid picture…

Hmm… was the older stallion hugging him? o_o

I wonder why Littlepip never spoke with a southern accent. She’s from stable 2, it had a large number from Applejack’s family… eh, not important.

What the heck happened to Murky to make everything hurt like this…

Bah, we’ve all run our head into things, or had things run into our heads. Your experience is not that unusual, in this case.

You noticed he did that a lot? But you’ve only had your eyes open and focused on him for about ten seconds. Or… oh, wait, I remember last chapter (or the one before it?) that he stopped and someone asked if he wanted to continue. I guess that info is for the sake of whoever he is talking to.

Hmm… already in the debt of a strange pony. Not the best of situations.

Well, this can’t be good. How messed could his face be, though, if all its individual parts seem to be working fine and he’s not brain damaged? At least, not more than he was when he woke up this morning.

Wow, is he ever messed up. And… gezz, he matches his “father”? If THIS isn’t ever messed up. Was this intentional? ‘Cause it’s awfully coincidental…

Hmm. He’s a bit too observant, and darn it Murky, don’t let on that you’re a slave. I know you can’t help it due to having always been one, and being pretty messed up in addition to that at the moment, but it’s like Protégé said, you have to get free in your head before your body can follow.

…I just don’t trust this guy. He’s putting me on edge. He’s too reserved.

Hah, Murky’s squeaks are cute.

Maaaaaaan, the more Murky says that word… I’m just really getting apprehensive. I started this chapter knowing he’s going back, because there’s more chapters and lots of loose threads to unravel, but it’s still a little… eh, to have him so excited about something I know is not going to work out.

I’m guessing Glimmer and Brim were recaptured. I don’t see them dying yet.

Hmmm… yeah, memory will all be returned by the end of the chapter.

Oooh, so this is sort of like a memory orb. Or, at least, it’s being treated like one. Interesting…

Oh man, I hope that guy that armed them isn’t dead, I really liked him. He was hilarious :D

Dark metal power armour? Only enclave have black armor. Or... maybe I just don’t get it.

Oh, good, there’s the arming guy. I think. I’m bad with names.

Frick, they want the pipbuck. Nothing is ever simple.

And now she’s told them who she is. Sigh…

What is Steelhooves to Glimmerlight..?

BOOM, headshot!

Spotting them running from the flanks of the battle? Wha?

I thought there were only three steel rangers outside. Or, wait, those corpses were probably from before…

It doesn’t sound like there’s more than five or six griffins flying in a V in the sky, and only one ranger on the ground, so I’m a little confused about how ponies and griffins are dying all around. Plus, after Stern took out that one ranger, why didn’t she just turn and shoot the other? Even if it didn’t kill the ranger it would definitely leave him open for more fire from her compatriots. Eh.

Yeah, war’s a bitch, ain’t it, Murphy?

Wait… Murphy… Murky… is this a quasi-hidden pun? Everything bad happens to him. He’s the embodiment of Murphy’s law. Hah, I hope that’s intentional :D

Man, raiders are bastards… sure, let’s pause for a moment and torture a fellow slave before going back to fighting for my life.

In any case I really like it when Murphy gets hurt. Hurt any other protagonist and it’s all knife goes in, knife goes out. They say it bleeds for a while, then they get a healing potion. Murky flips out and really describes it. Rather a different experience, the way he turns the extreme that’s been turned into the mundane back into the extreme again.

Hmm… battle is moving. Yeah, the Rangers really don’t have cover right now.

I’m guessing that’s his friends that just found him. Heh, Murky’s attacking them.

I was right… kay, so now he’s in a wagon?

Heh, I’ll give Brim one thing, he’s got good reflexes. He kinda reminds me of Sampson from The Venture Brothers.

“I didn’t want to lose my blood…” Poor Murky, now even your blood is abandoning you… *snort* hahaha XD

Items falling from the shelves… I wonder how many are sharp.

Not properly afraid, not properly missing others… Murky is certainly a proper gentlecolt, is he not? :P

“If only I shared that.” I think you left out “sentiment”

Yes, Murky could be a supermodel. A horribly scarred one, but still…

Huh, I don’t think I’ve ever had stale fruit. Overripe fruit, sure, but stale?

I just still have such a negative vibe from this guy. I can’t quite place why. Maybe I’m just suspicious of every pony Murky meets?

Frick, he’s in need of cash. I know, who isn’t, but… frick.

Where is Sunny? -_-

Just how much battle training did Glimmerlight go through? Having general knowledge of a lot of different technologies is one thing, she’s a jack of all trades, but… eh, maybe Murky just can’t gauge her skill well. Sometimes it just sounds like she’s nearly as skilled as Brim, just without his mass.

Yay Rangers, tear those slavers apart! :D

…alcohol takes one point from perception, so no, you DON’T shoot better with it, Glim :P

My goodness, now he has a little thief? Is it cousins with the little slave, or are these all the same little pony? It would be funny if they got in an argument at some point.

“Figured you were used to being bucked about hard.” Ooooooooooooooooooo :o

What was it about what he said that was cynical? :P

Does he even know how to load a weapon? I mean, why would he?

She's still messing with that bolt action? Maybe she considers it lucky? Otherwise I can't imagine why she would like it. It's so slow to reload...

Hmm... only unicorns use revolvers? I would think their simplicity would make them easier to load and use than semiautomatics. Lil Mac was an earth pony style revolver...

His fascination with battle saddles makes me laugh. He's such a total earth pony wannabe, if an entirely different sort than fluttershy. Gezz, would he ever love Fluttershy. Honestly, if I was a shipper... I think that one would work.

Ooof, mines are rough...

Gezz, what the crap is up with these slavers? They've got plenty of slaves back in Filly and the rangers are an actual threat. They're not raiders; they should be more sensible than this.

“Finding strength born of lethal danger ” he's, like, the antithesis of an anime hero. When the chips are down he very nearly gets strong enough to be adequate XD

“focussed ”, and Murky's obsession with Littlepip is getting worse... :P Is that seriously where he's going to go every time he gets really scared? Erotic fantasy about Littlepip?

DJ PON3 to the rescue :)

His eyes had dried up all of twenty seconds ago in the wagon and now he's crying again. Why are tears not his special talent?

I really like that Murky never kills anyone. It's rather nice. As is his appreciation of his role as support :D

“Apparently, whenever I thought they were dry, they always found ways to disprove me. ” I rather like it when my thoughts echo the main character's. It happens all the time with Blackjack...

Want-it-need-it spell o_o How did I not see this coming?

That is a rather nice name. Also: I hope Murky finished his food.

...is he in love with a ghoul?

What is Sunny to this Minstrel, anyway?

For a story WITHOUT memory orbs, there's certainly a strong focus on memories all of a sudden...

The nicer this Doc is the more suspicious I get. The wasteland isn't like this. He needs to show some kind of fault. Let him be lecherous, let him say something awful about zebras, let him be fat or easily annoyed or something... If he doesn't have an obvious fault, he has to have that much stronger of an inner one. I just really think he's a liar.

...don't turn the radio off, Murky. Just turn it down so low only you can hear, like usual...

Yeah... don't go check, you'll just end up seeing red eye's slavers coming back with sunny -_-

Man, this whole thing is making me feel bad for Murky. No, you can't go with him. He's selling you back :(

Ick, where did Murky's radaways get to? Actually, I think he drank his only packed on in the stable... eh. I'm not so worried about that, though, for obvious reasons.

When did Murky tell him he couldn't read or write?

Random escape prevention patrols? For a city with both a wall and a moat? Overkill much?

“Why are they trying so hard to get us? We're only three slaves! Why can't they

just...let us go?” About time he noticed. I mean... oh frick, this is why Murky was found alone.

“stunk of fried air ” - I am not familiar with this smell. What DOES air smell like when fried?

“More griffins dove from the clouds, their scout having spotted us by sheer luck down the alleyways. ” - the heck with luck, Murky, when you sat down and listened you heard them in every freaking direction, including one group about the enter the area. How are they not going to find you? o_O

“No arguments, Glim! Get in the fucking station!”
GET TO THE CHOPPA

Only two slaves spotted? Oh, Brimstone ambush...

Heh, brutal.

“way to far to- ” way too far

Stern specifically told them to kill the slaves? They're hunting them like this just to kill them? This just gets more and more weird. Red eye is not this prideful, so maybe Stern is?

They should probably try pouring the healing potion on the wound. I think they did that in FoE when they wanted to direct its power to a single, particularly bad injury...

Either Murky's pain tolerance has risen (maybe that's the perk he takes this chapter) or... well, I dunno. It just seems like he'd need med X to be able to run this much on that shoulder injury. It's definitely got to count as crippled...

See, NOW would be a good time for the Doc to of learned Murky is illiterate. Not before...

bampots ? What? Pretty random slang, there o_o

...is Brim pretending to feel guilty, here? Because it's pretty humorous. I hope Glim realizes it's just an act to try and justify his actions to try and protect his friends. The only two ponies he thinks deserve not to be burdened with the wasteland.

...no, she believes him. “now he wants to save some” indeed. Pishaw. Brim does not feel guilty about a damn thing. Not ever. Not now. He's trying to do better because of Glim and no one else. He wants to feel he deserves to be close to her. To be her friend. The actual acts are not something he feels a lick of shame for and, without her to try and act up for, he would go back to his old ways. I know he decided to “work off” his evil by allowing himself to be a slave, but... just no. There's just no sincerity to this whole act. The way he reacted when he killed that mare back at the crater, the whole “Oh crap, too much, darn it.” That is him. It's not guilt. He can shrug off any additional sin in the light of the mountain of them he's already got. His stories about his previous life, what he did before this kick. All of that. I will never believe he wants to do be a better person. He just wants her to be happy. So no, shut up, Brim. I don't like you lying to her. You don't bother lying 99% of the time, don't do it now. As you've said... you're a raider. You will never cease to be one, bloodthirsty and remorseless.

“amber lamps ” ambulance XD

I would really of thought those whip marks would have healed by now, after so many healing potions.

Dude, Murky, no. This is NOT what life is like outside the wall. This is just what life is like when you're being hunted by an entire slaver army.

I wonder if Murky will ever learn how to “properly” want something. At the moment he wants for a birthday party. Does he think anyone else is getting parties? It's just a little silly how petty he is. Silly in an endearing way, though. Most of the time :P

Eh, she's older than him, but I don't think she's TOO old for him. Not that I'd support that ship, anyway.

I don't think I even remember what Brimstone's cutie mark is...

...he's entertained by a trashcan?

Wow, Murphy is messed up. I'm a bit surprised the rotten juice from earlier is still visible under it all.

This speech from Glimmerlight. This memory. This is what this story is about. This is hope, and it's perfect :)

“Shaking my head, I then nodded, then shook it again. ” :D

“Yes...yes I will be. Your big sister best friend forever.” You're killing me here, fuzzy. I'm an evil, vindictive, twisted thing. Something wicked, something cruel. I can't be taking all this love. It'll be the death of me X)

He had been waiting for his frieeeeeeeeeends! This is killing me! Also, have I mentioned before how much I like this drawing framing device? Because it's pretty cool how it's used. I kinda wish it could be used more at times, with more expression to his strokes than it just being curves and lines. He could talk as if the drawing was becoming animated with each stroke, waving hair, fire exploding outward... in any case, it reminds me so much of Okami. Or, at least, that's what it looks like in my head. The drawings stark and contrasted (although his efforts to depict Glimmer's magic sort of hinted that he might be getting better ever since he started taking ownership of what he draws). I just like the imagery of the picture being drawn, then springing to life. Like the beginning of that Voyage of the Dawntreader movie... the picture beginning to move, then diving right in. Though, in that case, the characters were literally pulled into the piece and here it would be figurative.

Eh, Murky's so open with his emotions... I'm more surprised the Doc could have a problem with Murky developing such strong feelings for Glim so fast. It's perfectly in his tendencies to do so :P

I'm starting to really wonder what happened in his past life. He'll obviously have to look eventually, but for some reason I don't think it'll be as bad as he thinks. That he'll find something good that he forgot. I dunno. Just a hunch, I suppose. I sort of wonder if he's even gone through all this, the desire for freedom and etc., and just eventually been beaten down and forced himself to forget, making this whole stint some kind of “The Matrix”-esque cycle of rebellion, defeat, rebellion again.

...now, what is that book about...

“Immediately, my mind realised what it had thought and sent approximately eight prayers towards the sky in forgiveness. One for each letter of Her name. Just to be sure. ” - So, put him in Littlepip's company for about five minutes, and he'd be scarred yet another way for the rest of his life. That about sum it up?

“Hours of the day faded by...at least I thought they were day. ” - so... Sunny came back and Murky isn't captured? I'm just really confused...

No, NOW Sunny is here. And... hmm... I just... these ponies are too nice. They just are. It is not right.

Yup, that's Brim alright. I guess he can't find Glimmer...

...Murky, she wasn't listening to the rest of the story, why would she want to jump in now...

“It's a bin and a seat, Glimmer! Look!” - WHY am I laughing so hard at this? XD

“the road might our only ”

Holy frick, this griffin vs. wagons scene is tense :)

I have mixed feelings about the pinkie pie hate. I get the irony, as well as the creepy atmosphere, but it's just that I like pinkie pie and I imagine how upset she would be if she was aware all this would happen and she'd be reviled by a pony that just never got to have any fun. Eh...

That robot is weird... I'm getting flashes from Indiana Jones and the Ark of the Covenate.

Suddenly the robot grabs both Glimmer and Murky and tosses them out the window before muttering to itself “...no ticket...”

Murky is doing really well not to be thinking about all the lives represented by this luggage. The bare essentials of so many ponies that could have been trying to flee equestria before the final bombs hit, only to be too late...

I guess they're scouting out the place up here. Hopefully they don't get spotted by griffins...

“Friendship. Friendship never changes.” XD!!!! Also: Glimmer would make an even better DJ PON3 than Homage did, you know? XP

“...the PipBuck's height detection mechanism. (Hey, I could do fancy terms too!) ” ...what?

““Huh, seems that thing's elevation and geographical positioning sensor is going off again.”
Oh come on...can't I be the fanciest speaker for once? ” ...but Glimmer wasn't speaking french...

Heh, interesting little log, there. Not sure what to make of it. Unfortunate times coming for Sundial, though. I wonder if he ends up giving away his ticket..? Nah, I think his end was just sudden and unpleasant.

Frick, these rangers are annoying. There are actual COMBATANTS everywhere, but no, two observers need to be cleared out for things to be “safe”.

Mixed feelings about the chimney. Feeling appears to be shared with the characters... as well as proven right :P

Crap, I KNEW those griffins would be there...

Poor robot...

“I could see a sharp of metal stuck ” Shard. Also, what are those? I'm only familiar with bouncing betties...

...and that's how he got isolated. Meh. Nice that the griffins decided not to just kill Glim, though. That one a while back that said Stern had given orders to kill the slaves... or, wait, maybe that was just to kill Murky. Anyway, memories complete.

Sunny actually seems pretty nice. Cayenne too. Or especially. I wonder if Murky will ever have a pet of his own. I think I'm starting to believe these ponies might not screw Murky over.

Frick, look at that, closing in on the end of the chapter, the Doc comes back and, clearly, Murky's been sold out. If only for their own sake. I hope Doc and Sunny survive this engagement... they may be everything I expected them to be, but it doesn't particularly make them bad.

And it's even the master. In person. Sigh...

Really? Sold them anything? The heck is wrong with you, Doc? You know you could have managed the move if you'd just worked a little longer. If you're not a slaver, never make deals with Red Eye...

Wow, the master is possessive. So quick to anger, too. It isn't a sign of dominance to be so unhinged. I imagine him being brought low himself, one day. I wonder if he'd beg for his life? I have a feeling he would, if he really thought it was going to be the end. He just has such a weak character to him. He absolutely, strictly defines himself as a master of slaves that I doubt he is capable of seeing any other quality in himself, making him all the more aggravated if anyone sees him as anything else or otherwise risks that view he holds of himself.

Forget it, they're not getting away.

“In her hoof, she held a foal's stuffed toy, weathered all the more with age, before gently setting it in her travel bag. ” - AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGG!!!!!! YOU GAVE ME SHIVERS ALL OVER, WHAT THE CRAP, MAN?!?! I'M SERIOUSLY DYING HERE!!! I'm getting shivers just reading it again! The heck! You... just.... arg! I'm not built for this emotion! How can you do this to me? T_T

Man oh man, has this over turned south. I knew she never had a chance, but... I just don't see her becoming the master's, you know? She's gonna pull a suicide ploy. Or the Doc is going to step in. She's not just going to be dragged off and disappear...

...or no, I guess they just carted her off while Murky wasn't looking. Frick, I hate it when I'm that wrong.

“He had killed them. Killed them. Killed them. ” - but sunny isn't dead... I don't get it o_o

Protégé O_O

What the heck is Murky to this guy? Seriously? What the heck is he? He can't be the only born slave in Filly. What is he to Red Eye? What are a couple runaway slaves? He's hardly running a propaganda champaign here.

“His hooves held me tightly, one pressed over my chest as he screamed over the edge for somepony to bring potions immediately. “I'm sorry, Murk...I want you to be free...” I felt my head limply fall into his hooves. ” - Are you shipping these two? No, really? I'm serious. What is going on here.

Okay, wait, is sunny dead or not? I'm going to have to go check soon.

Corrupted Loyalty! Yay!

Eh, you're right, Murky. There is no justice in this. Shattered dreams do not justify death. Protégé, you are as savage and vindictive as shackles, just not as sadistic.

Heh, incoming Brimstone...

Ah, so he's gained perception instead of damage threshold or something. I suppose that's good, too.

...okay, went back, STILL can't figure out where Sunny died. Little help?

Either way, seven pages of review. Hope it helps! I enjoyed this chapter, in case it isn't obvious :P

Looks like there's some weird formatting going on. I don't know why, it looks fine in word and I'm just cutting and pasting. Oh well...

swicked
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by O. Hinds on Fri Jun 22, 2012 5:03 am

swicked wrote:Kay, reading review of Murky Number Seven, Chapter 8.

What this means is that I would read a bit and comment. Even if I didn't have anything particularly to say, I would just say something. Whatever was on my mind, the idea being to relay what it was like to read the chapter. Kind of like a play-by-play, I suppose. Sound fun? I hope so.

Take one. Action.

Spoiler:
Heh, yeah, Murky definitely failed pretty hard. It’s amazing how fast Ragini was on him. Maybe the master asked her to keep an eye on Murky?

I don’t think Murky has had anyone follow him so far. Leading him, though…

Nor has anyone helped him every step of the way. I suppose Brim and Glimmer are willing to, per say, but it hasn’t really worked out that smoothly so far.

By the way, that “no safety” thing last chapter was brilliant. I dunno what made me remember that.

Yeah, memories are certainly interesting in Fallout Equestria, to say the least. All the more so in this fic.

Murky is such a sap. Dreams are something to shoot for, but to reclaim a dream… is it really a dream, at that point? If you’ve already had it? I like the line, but now I’m confused by it. I do that a lot…

Heh, yeah, “You need freedom to get freedom.” You definitely can’t escape in your mind by escaping in your body.

While I don’t like Brim at all as he’s irredeemably stupid and self centered in my eyes, I rather like Glim. She’s just incredibly hilarious.

Yay, go for it, Murky! Fail spectacularly!

They’re hiding on the rooftops? What rooftops? Is this stable in a town?

Oooh, well, this is exciting/confusing. Chaotic indeed.

Gezz, lots of noise.

Aww… someone’s hugging him while he’s passed out.

Or it’s a dream? I wonder when Murky’s gonna figure out she’s not into males. Probably never. Murky will just eventually get over her.

These five words, though, will probably come together by the end of this chapter.

“We have to stay together”? “We will always be together”? Huh.

He’s tied up? Suddenly I remember that Murky as a French maid picture…

Hmm… was the older stallion hugging him? o_o

I wonder why Littlepip never spoke with a southern accent. She’s from stable 2, it had a large number from Applejack’s family… eh, not important.

What the heck happened to Murky to make everything hurt like this…

Bah, we’ve all run our head into things, or had things run into our heads. Your experience is not that unusual, in this case.

You noticed he did that a lot? But you’ve only had your eyes open and focused on him for about ten seconds. Or… oh, wait, I remember last chapter (or the one before it?) that he stopped and someone asked if he wanted to continue. I guess that info is for the sake of whoever he is talking to.

Hmm… already in the debt of a strange pony. Not the best of situations.

Well, this can’t be good. How messed could his face be, though, if all its individual parts seem to be working fine and he’s not brain damaged? At least, not more than he was when he woke up this morning.

Wow, is he ever messed up. And… gezz, he matches his “father”? If THIS isn’t ever messed up. Was this intentional? ‘Cause it’s awfully coincidental…

Hmm. He’s a bit too observant, and darn it Murky, don’t let on that you’re a slave. I know you can’t help it due to having always been one, and being pretty messed up in addition to that at the moment, but it’s like Protégé said, you have to get free in your head before your body can follow.

…I just don’t trust this guy. He’s putting me on edge. He’s too reserved.

Hah, Murky’s squeaks are cute.

Maaaaaaan, the more Murky says that word… I’m just really getting apprehensive. I started this chapter knowing he’s going back, because there’s more chapters and lots of loose threads to unravel, but it’s still a little… eh, to have him so excited about something I know is not going to work out.

I’m guessing Glimmer and Brim were recaptured. I don’t see them dying yet.

Hmmm… yeah, memory will all be returned by the end of the chapter.

Oooh, so this is sort of like a memory orb. Or, at least, it’s being treated like one. Interesting…

Oh man, I hope that guy that armed them isn’t dead, I really liked him. He was hilarious :D

Dark metal power armour? Only enclave have black armor. Or... maybe I just don’t get it.

Oh, good, there’s the arming guy. I think. I’m bad with names.

Frick, they want the pipbuck. Nothing is ever simple.

And now she’s told them who she is. Sigh…

What is Steelhooves to Glimmerlight..?

BOOM, headshot!

Spotting them running from the flanks of the battle? Wha?

I thought there were only three steel rangers outside. Or, wait, those corpses were probably from before…

It doesn’t sound like there’s more than five or six griffins flying in a V in the sky, and only one ranger on the ground, so I’m a little confused about how ponies and griffins are dying all around. Plus, after Stern took out that one ranger, why didn’t she just turn and shoot the other? Even if it didn’t kill the ranger it would definitely leave him open for more fire from her compatriots. Eh.

Yeah, war’s a bitch, ain’t it, Murphy?

Wait… Murphy… Murky… is this a quasi-hidden pun? Everything bad happens to him. He’s the embodiment of Murphy’s law. Hah, I hope that’s intentional :D

Man, raiders are bastards… sure, let’s pause for a moment and torture a fellow slave before going back to fighting for my life.

In any case I really like it when Murphy gets hurt. Hurt any other protagonist and it’s all knife goes in, knife goes out. They say it bleeds for a while, then they get a healing potion. Murky flips out and really describes it. Rather a different experience, the way he turns the extreme that’s been turned into the mundane back into the extreme again.

Hmm… battle is moving. Yeah, the Rangers really don’t have cover right now.

I’m guessing that’s his friends that just found him. Heh, Murky’s attacking them.

I was right… kay, so now he’s in a wagon?

Heh, I’ll give Brim one thing, he’s got good reflexes. He kinda reminds me of Sampson from The Venture Brothers.

“I didn’t want to lose my blood…” Poor Murky, now even your blood is abandoning you… *snort* hahaha XD

Items falling from the shelves… I wonder how many are sharp.

Not properly afraid, not properly missing others… Murky is certainly a proper gentlecolt, is he not? :P

“If only I shared that.” I think you left out “sentiment”

Yes, Murky could be a supermodel. A horribly scarred one, but still…

Huh, I don’t think I’ve ever had stale fruit. Overripe fruit, sure, but stale?

I just still have such a negative vibe from this guy. I can’t quite place why. Maybe I’m just suspicious of every pony Murky meets?

Frick, he’s in need of cash. I know, who isn’t, but… frick.

Where is Sunny? -_-

Just how much battle training did Glimmerlight go through? Having general knowledge of a lot of different technologies is one thing, she’s a jack of all trades, but… eh, maybe Murky just can’t gauge her skill well. Sometimes it just sounds like she’s nearly as skilled as Brim, just without his mass.

Yay Rangers, tear those slavers apart! :D

…alcohol takes one point from perception, so no, you DON’T shoot better with it, Glim :P

My goodness, now he has a little thief? Is it cousins with the little slave, or are these all the same little pony? It would be funny if they got in an argument at some point.

“Figured you were used to being bucked about hard.” Ooooooooooooooooooo :o

What was it about what he said that was cynical? :P

Does he even know how to load a weapon? I mean, why would he?

She's still messing with that bolt action? Maybe she considers it lucky? Otherwise I can't imagine why she would like it. It's so slow to reload...

Hmm... only unicorns use revolvers? I would think their simplicity would make them easier to load and use than semiautomatics. Lil Mac was an earth pony style revolver...

His fascination with battle saddles makes me laugh. He's such a total earth pony wannabe, if an entirely different sort than fluttershy. Gezz, would he ever love Fluttershy. Honestly, if I was a shipper... I think that one would work.

Ooof, mines are rough...

Gezz, what the crap is up with these slavers? They've got plenty of slaves back in Filly and the rangers are an actual threat. They're not raiders; they should be more sensible than this.

“Finding strength born of lethal danger ” he's, like, the antithesis of an anime hero. When the chips are down he very nearly gets strong enough to be adequate XD

“focussed ”, and Murky's obsession with Littlepip is getting worse... :P Is that seriously where he's going to go every time he gets really scared? Erotic fantasy about Littlepip?

DJ PON3 to the rescue :)

His eyes had dried up all of twenty seconds ago in the wagon and now he's crying again. Why are tears not his special talent?

I really like that Murky never kills anyone. It's rather nice. As is his appreciation of his role as support :D

“Apparently, whenever I thought they were dry, they always found ways to disprove me. ” I rather like it when my thoughts echo the main character's. It happens all the time with Blackjack...

Want-it-need-it spell o_o How did I not see this coming?

That is a rather nice name. Also: I hope Murky finished his food.

...is he in love with a ghoul?

What is Sunny to this Minstrel, anyway?

For a story WITHOUT memory orbs, there's certainly a strong focus on memories all of a sudden...

The nicer this Doc is the more suspicious I get. The wasteland isn't like this. He needs to show some kind of fault. Let him be lecherous, let him say something awful about zebras, let him be fat or easily annoyed or something... If he doesn't have an obvious fault, he has to have that much stronger of an inner one. I just really think he's a liar.

...don't turn the radio off, Murky. Just turn it down so low only you can hear, like usual...

Yeah... don't go check, you'll just end up seeing red eye's slavers coming back with sunny -_-

Man, this whole thing is making me feel bad for Murky. No, you can't go with him. He's selling you back :(

Ick, where did Murky's radaways get to? Actually, I think he drank his only packed on in the stable... eh. I'm not so worried about that, though, for obvious reasons.

When did Murky tell him he couldn't read or write?

Random escape prevention patrols? For a city with both a wall and a moat? Overkill much?

“Why are they trying so hard to get us? We're only three slaves! Why can't they

just...let us go?” About time he noticed. I mean... oh frick, this is why Murky was found alone.

“stunk of fried air ” - I am not familiar with this smell. What DOES air smell like when fried?

“More griffins dove from the clouds, their scout having spotted us by sheer luck down the alleyways. ” - the heck with luck, Murky, when you sat down and listened you heard them in every freaking direction, including one group about the enter the area. How are they not going to find you? o_O

“No arguments, Glim! Get in the fucking station!”
GET TO THE CHOPPA

Only two slaves spotted? Oh, Brimstone ambush...

Heh, brutal.

“way to far to- ” way too far

Stern specifically told them to kill the slaves? They're hunting them like this just to kill them? This just gets more and more weird. Red eye is not this prideful, so maybe Stern is?

They should probably try pouring the healing potion on the wound. I think they did that in FoE when they wanted to direct its power to a single, particularly bad injury...

Either Murky's pain tolerance has risen (maybe that's the perk he takes this chapter) or... well, I dunno. It just seems like he'd need med X to be able to run this much on that shoulder injury. It's definitely got to count as crippled...

See, NOW would be a good time for the Doc to of learned Murky is illiterate. Not before...

bampots ? What? Pretty random slang, there o_o

...is Brim pretending to feel guilty, here? Because it's pretty humorous. I hope Glim realizes it's just an act to try and justify his actions to try and protect his friends. The only two ponies he thinks deserve not to be burdened with the wasteland.

...no, she believes him. “now he wants to save some” indeed. Pishaw. Brim does not feel guilty about a damn thing. Not ever. Not now. He's trying to do better because of Glim and no one else. He wants to feel he deserves to be close to her. To be her friend. The actual acts are not something he feels a lick of shame for and, without her to try and act up for, he would go back to his old ways. I know he decided to “work off” his evil by allowing himself to be a slave, but... just no. There's just no sincerity to this whole act. The way he reacted when he killed that mare back at the crater, the whole “Oh crap, too much, darn it.” That is him. It's not guilt. He can shrug off any additional sin in the light of the mountain of them he's already got. His stories about his previous life, what he did before this kick. All of that. I will never believe he wants to do be a better person. He just wants her to be happy. So no, shut up, Brim. I don't like you lying to her. You don't bother lying 99% of the time, don't do it now. As you've said... you're a raider. You will never cease to be one, bloodthirsty and remorseless.

“amber lamps ” ambulance XD

I would really of thought those whip marks would have healed by now, after so many healing potions.

Dude, Murky, no. This is NOT what life is like outside the wall. This is just what life is like when you're being hunted by an entire slaver army.

I wonder if Murky will ever learn how to “properly” want something. At the moment he wants for a birthday party. Does he think anyone else is getting parties? It's just a little silly how petty he is. Silly in an endearing way, though. Most of the time :P

Eh, she's older than him, but I don't think she's TOO old for him. Not that I'd support that ship, anyway.

I don't think I even remember what Brimstone's cutie mark is...

...he's entertained by a trashcan?

Wow, Murphy is messed up. I'm a bit surprised the rotten juice from earlier is still visible under it all.

This speech from Glimmerlight. This memory. This is what this story is about. This is hope, and it's perfect :)

“Shaking my head, I then nodded, then shook it again. ” :D

“Yes...yes I will be. Your big sister best friend forever.” You're killing me here, fuzzy. I'm an evil, vindictive, twisted thing. Something wicked, something cruel. I can't be taking all this love. It'll be the death of me X)

He had been waiting for his frieeeeeeeeeends! This is killing me! Also, have I mentioned before how much I like this drawing framing device? Because it's pretty cool how it's used. I kinda wish it could be used more at times, with more expression to his strokes than it just being curves and lines. He could talk as if the drawing was becoming animated with each stroke, waving hair, fire exploding outward... in any case, it reminds me so much of Okami. Or, at least, that's what it looks like in my head. The drawings stark and contrasted (although his efforts to depict Glimmer's magic sort of hinted that he might be getting better ever since he started taking ownership of what he draws). I just like the imagery of the picture being drawn, then springing to life. Like the beginning of that Voyage of the Dawntreader movie... the picture beginning to move, then diving right in. Though, in that case, the characters were literally pulled into the piece and here it would be figurative.

Eh, Murky's so open with his emotions... I'm more surprised the Doc could have a problem with Murky developing such strong feelings for Glim so fast. It's perfectly in his tendencies to do so :P

I'm starting to really wonder what happened in his past life. He'll obviously have to look eventually, but for some reason I don't think it'll be as bad as he thinks. That he'll find something good that he forgot. I dunno. Just a hunch, I suppose. I sort of wonder if he's even gone through all this, the desire for freedom and etc., and just eventually been beaten down and forced himself to forget, making this whole stint some kind of “The Matrix”-esque cycle of rebellion, defeat, rebellion again.

...now, what is that book about...

“Immediately, my mind realised what it had thought and sent approximately eight prayers towards the sky in forgiveness. One for each letter of Her name. Just to be sure. ” - So, put him in Littlepip's company for about five minutes, and he'd be scarred yet another way for the rest of his life. That about sum it up?

“Hours of the day faded by...at least I thought they were day. ” - so... Sunny came back and Murky isn't captured? I'm just really confused...

No, NOW Sunny is here. And... hmm... I just... these ponies are too nice. They just are. It is not right.

Yup, that's Brim alright. I guess he can't find Glimmer...

...Murky, she wasn't listening to the rest of the story, why would she want to jump in now...

“It's a bin and a seat, Glimmer! Look!” - WHY am I laughing so hard at this? XD

“the road might our only ”

Holy frick, this griffin vs. wagons scene is tense :)

I have mixed feelings about the pinkie pie hate. I get the irony, as well as the creepy atmosphere, but it's just that I like pinkie pie and I imagine how upset she would be if she was aware all this would happen and she'd be reviled by a pony that just never got to have any fun. Eh...

That robot is weird... I'm getting flashes from Indiana Jones and the Ark of the Covenate.

Suddenly the robot grabs both Glimmer and Murky and tosses them out the window before muttering to itself “...no ticket...”

Murky is doing really well not to be thinking about all the lives represented by this luggage. The bare essentials of so many ponies that could have been trying to flee equestria before the final bombs hit, only to be too late...

I guess they're scouting out the place up here. Hopefully they don't get spotted by griffins...

“Friendship. Friendship never changes.” XD!!!! Also: Glimmer would make an even better DJ PON3 than Homage did, you know? XP

“...the PipBuck's height detection mechanism. (Hey, I could do fancy terms too!) ” ...what?

““Huh, seems that thing's elevation and geographical positioning sensor is going off again.”
Oh come on...can't I be the fanciest speaker for once? ” ...but Glimmer wasn't speaking french...

Heh, interesting little log, there. Not sure what to make of it. Unfortunate times coming for Sundial, though. I wonder if he ends up giving away his ticket..? Nah, I think his end was just sudden and unpleasant.

Frick, these rangers are annoying. There are actual COMBATANTS everywhere, but no, two observers need to be cleared out for things to be “safe”.

Mixed feelings about the chimney. Feeling appears to be shared with the characters... as well as proven right :P

Crap, I KNEW those griffins would be there...

Poor robot...

“I could see a sharp of metal stuck ” Shard. Also, what are those? I'm only familiar with bouncing betties...

...and that's how he got isolated. Meh. Nice that the griffins decided not to just kill Glim, though. That one a while back that said Stern had given orders to kill the slaves... or, wait, maybe that was just to kill Murky. Anyway, memories complete.

Sunny actually seems pretty nice. Cayenne too. Or especially. I wonder if Murky will ever have a pet of his own. I think I'm starting to believe these ponies might not screw Murky over.

Frick, look at that, closing in on the end of the chapter, the Doc comes back and, clearly, Murky's been sold out. If only for their own sake. I hope Doc and Sunny survive this engagement... they may be everything I expected them to be, but it doesn't particularly make them bad.

And it's even the master. In person. Sigh...

Really? Sold them anything? The heck is wrong with you, Doc? You know you could have managed the move if you'd just worked a little longer. If you're not a slaver, never make deals with Red Eye...

Wow, the master is possessive. So quick to anger, too. It isn't a sign of dominance to be so unhinged. I imagine him being brought low himself, one day. I wonder if he'd beg for his life? I have a feeling he would, if he really thought it was going to be the end. He just has such a weak character to him. He absolutely, strictly defines himself as a master of slaves that I doubt he is capable of seeing any other quality in himself, making him all the more aggravated if anyone sees him as anything else or otherwise risks that view he holds of himself.

Forget it, they're not getting away.

“In her hoof, she held a foal's stuffed toy, weathered all the more with age, before gently setting it in her travel bag. ” - AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGG!!!!!! YOU GAVE ME SHIVERS ALL OVER, WHAT THE CRAP, MAN?!?! I'M SERIOUSLY DYING HERE!!! I'm getting shivers just reading it again! The heck! You... just.... arg! I'm not built for this emotion! How can you do this to me? T_T

Man oh man, has this over turned south. I knew she never had a chance, but... I just don't see her becoming the master's, you know? She's gonna pull a suicide ploy. Or the Doc is going to step in. She's not just going to be dragged off and disappear...

...or no, I guess they just carted her off while Murky wasn't looking. Frick, I hate it when I'm that wrong.

“He had killed them. Killed them. Killed them. ” - but sunny isn't dead... I don't get it o_o

Protégé O_O

What the heck is Murky to this guy? Seriously? What the heck is he? He can't be the only born slave in Filly. What is he to Red Eye? What are a couple runaway slaves? He's hardly running a propaganda champaign here.

“His hooves held me tightly, one pressed over my chest as he screamed over the edge for somepony to bring potions immediately. “I'm sorry, Murk...I want you to be free...” I felt my head limply fall into his hooves. ” - Are you shipping these two? No, really? I'm serious. What is going on here.

Okay, wait, is sunny dead or not? I'm going to have to go check soon.

Corrupted Loyalty! Yay!

Eh, you're right, Murky. There is no justice in this. Shattered dreams do not justify death. Protégé, you are as savage and vindictive as shackles, just not as sadistic.

Heh, incoming Brimstone...

Ah, so he's gained perception instead of damage threshold or something. I suppose that's good, too.

...okay, went back, STILL can't figure out where Sunny died. Little help?

Either way, seven pages of review. Hope it helps! I enjoyed this chapter, in case it isn't obvious :P

Looks like there's some weird formatting going on. I don't know why, it looks fine in word and I'm just cutting and pasting. Oh well...
The status of Sunny was covered earlier in the comments: the chapter gives conflicting information because the characters have conflicting information. The last time the reader actually saw her, she was alive.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by swicked on Fri Jun 22, 2012 11:00 am

@Hinds
I'll have yet to read through the comments but Murky is the one telling this tale somewhere in the future and thought to himself that she was dead. I don't think he said that was a past thought, too. I dunno. This is just sort of weird...

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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by Fuzzy on Fri Jun 22, 2012 1:20 pm

I sense I have lost control of those two by this point.

swicked - Thanks so much for that, it's very insightful to garner thoughts and ideas on how people are viewing the story as it goes on. Also thanks for the typo notices, I find them so embarrassing.

I particularly enjoy hearing your thoughts on Brim and they make me very happy. Brimstone should be one of those characters that is possible to dislike for what he's done or feel like they cannot ever be forgiven. Or specifically, that he maybe doesn't want to properly. I did aim for him to be a bit more than "bad once, good now" afterall.

Interesting that you clocked Minstrel as like that almost instantly, every single prereader thought he'd actually gotten out. That's pretty cool though, I do like that it's possible to figure it out.

Thanks a whole bunch for that type of review.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by swicked on Fri Jun 22, 2012 1:29 pm

Fuzzy wrote:I sense I have lost control of those two by this point.

swicked - Thanks so much for that, it's very insightful to garner thoughts and ideas on how people are viewing the story as it goes on. Also thanks for the typo notices, I find them so embarrassing.

I particularly enjoy hearing your thoughts on Brim and they make me very happy. Brimstone should be one of those characters that is possible to dislike for what he's done or feel like they cannot ever be forgiven. Or specifically, that he maybe doesn't want to properly. I did aim for him to be a bit more than "bad once, good now" afterall.

Interesting that you clocked Minstrel as like that almost instantly, every single prereader thought he'd actually gotten out. That's pretty cool though, I do like that it's possible to figure it out.

Thanks a whole bunch for that type of review.

Minstrel was too perfect. You could have sold me if he smoked, drank, was rude, had a creepy hobby, etc. Everyone has a fault, especially in a story. If you can't find a fault, it's because they are hiding it.

I think Brim could absolutely be forgiven if he actually wanted to do better. I don't think he does. He claims to want to save just one or two slaves after selling and/or ruining so many... but he's lying. He wants to save Glimmerlight because she's the nicest pony he's ever known. He wants to save Murky because he feels a debt and just sort of likes him now. He sees him as innocent as well.
He is just as capable of murder and rape as ever. He will not save ponies he doesn't think deserve it. He will talk about his past or, like I said, kill that one slave mare where that ghoul colony was without feeling almost any guilt at all. He is acting up, trying to do better, entirely for Glimmer.
If he ever felt real remorse, tried to save a pony he didn't know, actually seemed to feel real shame about how he used to be, showed some modicum of restraint EVER, I could believe he was trying to do better. But he's not. Glimmer and Murky are his new crew and the rest of the wasteland can go buck themselves.

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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by Fuzzy on Fri Jun 22, 2012 2:36 pm

To be honest, seeing that only makes me smile more to an extent. It's rather nice to see that someone is willing to see that there is another level to his character and his "alignment" at the moment.

Brimstone is a long long way from any sort of redemption, regardless of his current deeds. Glad to see someone has spotted that.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by swicked on Fri Jun 22, 2012 2:46 pm

He doesn't want redemption. Not really. He doesn't even know what it is.
...I guess that sort of echoes Murky's deal with freedom? Though I personally see pretty much everything Protégé says as a load of bunk.

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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by Cptadder on Fri Jun 22, 2012 5:18 pm

swicked wrote:He doesn't want redemption. Not really. He doesn't even know what it is.
Exactly, we've seen Brim take pride in the slaughter and murder of Ponyville, not in subduing a foe that would not bend to his will (Typical warlord) but taking joy and pride in destruction for destruction sake. Brim is a psychopath in the medical sense of the word. He just does not understand the feelings of other ponies around him. He does what he wants to get what he wants via any means necessary. He still has a code of honor of sorts but until Glimmer came along and provided him with an outside context problem he was content to fight and die, rule of the strong and take what is his. Did he care about any member of his raider band? Look on any of them as anything but possible rivals and tools to be used? Did he look at his pones and see nothing but tools to be used up to achieve his goals?

I'm guessing no, until Glimmer he happily murdered (And I suspected raped) his way through any pony who crossed his path and did not instantly bow to his will.

swicked wrote:
Though I personally see pretty much everything Protégé says as a load of bunk.
What Protege says is bunk because who he draws his inspiration from is bunk, Red Eye is a fool. He (Red Eye) may be a magnificent bastard but he's terrible at long term thinking and once a situation becomes normal he accepts it even if it works counter to his goals. A simple example... look at Murky and his fellows. The work is backbreaking, the ratios short and the lives are shorter. As a result Red Eye has to constantly go further and further afield to find fresh slaves to replace the ones he's literally using up in his factories. That machine we saw where Murky had to dive down to retrieve threads... I know what it's based on and it was a real machine and the method described was used by the bobby boys back in industrial revolution factories. The thing is it's stupid on an extreme level... you can't spare a few unicorns to do the job? We've seen you using them to haul heavy loads and every Unicorn can do at least telekinesis to do the same thing. And every time you lose a worker the machine stops, productivity is lost. Every time a worker dies it takes more time to train a replacement. This kind of pace can only be maintained in a work camp that's designed to kill it's workers spending the bare minimum of time and resources required to get them to do work for the most amount of time possible before they die.

If Red Eye took his work quotas down by 30% and had a few Earth Pony's (Like himself!) look at some of the more hazard tasks in a serious way I bet he could cut down on work stoppages, accidents and deaths by a massive amount. And without all those pones dieing the work over time will go up as pones who get breaks, decent (Not great but decent) food work a whole lot more efficiently than half starved slaves waiting to die.

Are there still tasks that's going to kill people?
Yes the Parasprite pits and the Crater scavenging are going to kill pones no matter what you do unless you get your hands on some decent quality robots to do both jobs. But baring that yes your still going to lose ponies but most of the way Red-Eye loses ponies are easily avoided ways.

Which brings us back to Protege, it's one thing to do something evil and well, it's quite another to do it evilly and poorly.

About the ONLY thing I approve of in their handling of slaves is Protege's job of taking a bunch of otherwise useless raider slaves and using them as cannon fodder in dangerous areas. You want to do that? Knock yourself out, just add a rule would vastly improve the process. The buddy system, pick two pones every trip. If you don't make it back out with your salvage AND you buddy we shoot you. If you buddy dies you die unless you bring us something really good. Oh and the biggest guard fuckup has to buddy with a slave during raids (Motivation on both sides!) Spike
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by swicked on Fri Jun 22, 2012 5:43 pm

Technically, adder, I think he turned himself in to work as a slave prior to meeting glimmer. He came across her being raped at the pit, I think. If it had been the other way around I think he would have just raped her himself rather than stopping to be "changed" by her wanting her rapists to live.
I still love how one of his first reactions to Murky, at least after they were both part of Protégé's crew, was to remark how the little guy reminded him of a similarly small and defenseless colt that he threw on a fire after the guy objected to him raping a mare. Or something...

Honestly, that whole deciding-to-be-a-slave thing confused me. Maybe there's a story to that. Some initiating event other than him deciding he was too old to be raider-ing and thinking it was about time to work off his karma or something else similarly absurd.

You took the words right out of my mouth with the Red Eye and Protégé thing, though.

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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by Cptadder on Fri Jun 22, 2012 6:39 pm

swicked wrote:Technically, adder, I think he turned himself in to work as a slave prior to meeting glimmer. He came across her being raped at the pit, I think. If it had been the other way around I think he would have just raped her himself rather than stopping to be "changed" by her wanting her rapists to live.
I still love how one of his first reactions to Murky, at least after they were both part of Protégé's crew, was to remark how the little guy reminded him of a similarly small and defenseless colt that he threw on a fire after the guy objected to him raping a mare. Or something...

Honestly, that whole deciding-to-be-a-slave thing confused me. Maybe there's a story to that. Some initiating event other than him deciding he was too old to be raider-ing and thinking it was about time to work off his karma or something else similarly absurd.
There's gotta be a story to that. He was a Raider, a Raider at the top of his game. If age has anything to do with it he should have gone done fighting not just giving up.

swicked wrote:
You took the words right out of my mouth with the Red Eye and Protégé thing, though.
Protege is blind, Red Eye has a blind spot, he accepts what he could change because it's easier. Red Eye is focused on the long term goal to much to see the short term details that are going to screw him over, like telekinesis. Protege has a mind but he's not using it once Red Eye says it's so. If Red Eye came to Protege and asked him to set up something then maybe.. MAYBE we'd see if he had a real brain on his shoulders or he's just good at faking it.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by swicked on Fri Jun 22, 2012 8:04 pm

Cptadder wrote:If Red Eye came to Protege and asked him to set up something then maybe.. MAYBE we'd see if he had a real brain on his shoulders or he's just good at faking it.
That's more my thinking. The way he killed Minstrel like that... I dunno. It didn't show any sort of intelligence or civility. The guy was on Red Eye's payroll. He was supposed to catch the slaves and keep them occupied until capture. Why does it matter how, in the grand scheme of things? Would it have been better of he'd just tied murky up, or nailed his hooves to the floor?

There's something really off about him. Besides all the obvious stuff.
I really do suspect this may all turn out to be an act. This whole intellectual upstart business.
I really want to know what this guy is up to. What is the grand scheme all this lying and conniving is supposed to be headed towards?
What is this whole good cop, bad cop game being played by Protégé and Chainlink supposed to accomplish?

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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by Cptadder on Fri Jun 22, 2012 10:39 pm

swicked wrote:
That's more my thinking. The way he killed Minstrel like that... I dunno. It didn't show any sort of intelligence or civility. The guy was on Red Eye's payroll. He was supposed to catch the slaves and keep them occupied until capture. Why does it matter how, in the grand scheme of things? Would it have been better of he'd just tied murky up, or nailed his hooves to the floor?

Yes let's re-read that section here in spoilers
Spoiler:
Protégé hesitated for a second, before reaching toward his side and igniting his magic. He did not throw caps...he drew his revolver.

“There are few things that will drive me to anger, Doctor.”

Minstrel was already backing up, looking around for help which was never going to come.

“But I hold myself to a certain set of values, highest among them is that of loyalty. That if you aim to help ponies...you do. Not fix them up...only to dissuade them...to lead them astray with their trust in you! You have corrupted the idea of loyalty at the very highest!”

He wasn't shouting, but Protégé's voice did rise in strength, a small tinge of carefully controlled rage.
Protege obvious cares enough about Murky, Glimmer and Brimstone (Or at least one of them) to come out in person to recover Murky and put himself in a situation to cut off one of Murky's possible escape routes and thus ensure a decent chance of speaking directly to Murky. In fact when he confronts him he tries to talk Murky down.

Something in that little talk sets him off, had he been recovered by Chainlink I'm thinking Minstrel would have walked out of it alive. However there's another thing we are ignoring here. Something I just noticed a possible explanation for his behavior if it's not a plot hole....

Protege knew Sunny, and knew about her by name. No one names her to him and unless he got filled in off screen it might indicate a possible as yet unknown relationship between the two. Let me throw up this hypothetical, Protege knows Sunny, Sunny trusts Minstrel and now here comes Protege being forced to stop and shoot Murky himself and now he hears that Sunny got shot because of him as well. That might explain the otherwise very weird character behavior. Who knows (WAG) maybe he and Sunny don't just know each other but have history of some kind.

swicked wrote:
There's something really off about him. Besides all the obvious stuff.
I really do suspect this may all turn out to be an act. This whole intellectual upstart business.
He strikes me more as a philosopher than an intellectual. You don't need much in the way of intelligence to be a passable philosopher because you are as far from the realm of absolutes as possible. You can make any assumption, create any special rule you like. But be warned the difference between a decent philosopher and one remembered by history is a vast gulf. However to the average slave a decent and a great philosopher are equally as smart sounding and as confusing because philosophy involves examining core assumptions about everything which is something people almost never do on there own.

Everything sounds profound if you never think about it.
Which is what I peg Protege as, a book philosopher who deals only in fantasy worlds not the real world. A trusted Lieutenant of Red Eye who can be counted on to do as he's told and has a hobby Red Eye does not mind indulging as he has a love of knowledge himself. And I'm sure Protege is an excellent conversationalist.

swicked wrote:
I really want to know what this guy is up to. What is the grand scheme all this lying and conniving is supposed to be headed towards?
What is this whole good cop, bad cop game being played by Protégé and Chainlink supposed to accomplish?
Unity, remember that is Red Eye's end goal, to make a new goddess to provide the long term stability that only Celestia could provide. Something Red Eye spoke about often and something at the heart of any Monarch based democracy. The unchanging King or Queen figure provides a bedrock of stability and a core for the population to rally around. Intrinsic to that is the fact that the monarchy is always seen to be on the side of the people. Red Eye was trying to construct himself a civilization but as with many personality cult figures he was far to short sighted to pull it off and far to mortal for it to succeed. Only by building himself a new Unity with himself and some of his chose at it's head with the absolute power that would come from a properly lead GoPG.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by swicked on Fri Jun 22, 2012 11:36 pm

I just assumed Protege knew Sunny like he knew Minstrel. Maybe when
Minstrel went back to inform the slavers that he had Murky he told them
the slave was being watched by his assistant Sunny. I'd be more willing
to believe that. Protege just seems so sheltered and deluded I have a
hard time imagining he's had too many experiences with other ponies.

It's hard to gauge Protege's intelligence. I can't tell what parts of
his beliefs are his and which are ones he's picked up simply to match
Red Eye's philosophies. In that sense I don't know if he's all that much
of a philosopher. I just don't know how much of any of this is his plan
vs. him just following orders.

Wait... unity? Is Murky Red Eye's backup plan?

If Red Eye couldn't have littlepip he had an entire cage full of
unicorns to try with. But what if he couldn't get that pegasus comander
down there? What if that is what Protege has been tasked with...
training a backup pegasus that will be strong enough to form an alicorn
god?

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Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

Post by Cptadder on Sat Jun 23, 2012 12:07 am

swicked wrote:I just assumed Protege knew Sunny like he knew Minstrel. Maybe when
Minstrel went back to inform the slavers that he had Murky he told them
the slave was being watched by his assistant Sunny. I'd be more willing
to believe that. Protege just seems so sheltered and deluded I have a
hard time imagining he's had too many experiences with other ponies.
Well if Protege was his first (Remember Red Eye's school in FD that Pip runs into on accident?) student his home schooled student personally by Red Eye that would make a good deal of sense. And it would be like Red-Eye to pick out a likely colt to train in his beliefs both as a possible replacement, as an experiment to see how much he could do training foals from birth and... as a hobby of sorts. It would gell quite well with his name if Protege is not just Red Eye's best but first student.


swicked wrote:
Wait... unity? Is Murky Red Eye's backup plan?

If Red Eye couldn't have littlepip he had an entire cage full of
unicorns to try with. But what if he couldn't get that pegasus comander
down there? What if that is what Protege has been tasked with...
training a backup pegasus that will be strong enough to form an alicorn
god?
I think Murky was a lucky find but then Red Eye might not know how much in the way of damage goods Murky is (But will after the medical exam I'm going to guess he's about to be given) between the rad poisoning and the minor taint infection. But then as the cage full of unicorns indicates he has backup plans and backup plans. Protege is a unicorn right? (Doubles checks) yes he is. I'm sure Red Eye would love to make his own in house Alicorn God and mixing himself, Protege plus an unknown Pegasus seems perfect from his prospective. He'd like a female in there somewhere I'm guessing but I'd think he'd be happy to make an all male god if the choice was between himself, Protege and damaged goods Murky and no god period.

So that could be Murkys fate in Red-Eye's mind, Backup Plan F, if A, B, C, D, E, and F don't work we go with plan G as in "Good enough" His fallback plan to his fallback plan just in cause he loses his unicorns somehow, he has no Pegasus which survive to face him then he can turn to a trained up Murky and tell Protege okay son, jump into the ooze it's God making time lets hope for the best.
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