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Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Ketchup on Wed Oct 16, 2013 8:24 pm

Got around to reading 21, finally.
Last time I read your story was May because I didn't read this one as it came out. Didn't seem that long.
Spoiler:
Opening with the young zebra that idolizes Crimmy, IIRC. Don't remember his name.
I remember the cocktail and the accompanying perk that was kinda weird.
Xander. Very... zebra-ish.

Damn right you make big impressions.
Magic drugs are always a good idea. They're like normal drugs, just magic.

Tsunami seems to be laying exposition down pretty hard. Meh.

I'm guessing all these hardened special forces ponies are very impressed by the relatively sheltered Overmare's son's battlelust. Like everyone is.
Dodging bullets... meh.
Quite video game-ish. "All your allies are pinned down, you gotta help them all by yourself" seems a bit out of place to me in written media.
But hey, drugs.

Lucky, door was locked. No real reason why it would be, better to be able to communicate with and move to other firing positions, but that's a very minor nitpick.

He didn't explode. Bien. Flamethrowers do not explode when shot.

Mercy is a pretty bad name for the knife considering what he does with it. Because irony.

Speaking of mercy, look what you did Crimson, your victim was given a name. Fantastic.
But nope, destructinator doesn't have feelings. I don't even remember who he is fighting, exactly.

Oh he'll be fine, he won't die just yet. He'll get saved, of course.
Ah. Predictable.

Helmets strong enough to deflect a direct hit from most bullets are far too heavy. I doubt the helmet, wherever it is, would help him here.
He's been hit quite a few times, and most grazed. I remember this being the usual.

Foolish. He exposes more vital flesh while he still has a knife. Damn cocky idiot.

The perspective seems a bit off. The tense seems to shift to past from present and a weird mix of the two. Only distracting in a few places.

This guy is dumber than a sack of broken bricks. If you're trying to kill someone you don't stop for a chat. It's an all too common cliche.
At first I thought it may have been Deadlight, but them the armour wasn't to be seen.
The 'them' isn't necessary, and it's a strangely worded sentence.

Deus ex machina is right. Putting it right in the text just makes me think Crimson has access to TV Tropes.
Not fond of that.

Why do they just start talking about that now? I find this conversation path nonsensical.
I'm tired of the us verus them attitude when it comes to races.
Versus.

Speaking of the enemy, prudence is lacking.

Oh of course, Crimson can do things that most others can't just because he's him, or something to due with drug tolerance. His 'protagonist syndrome' is more severe than I remember.

Again a bit heavy with the exposition. I guess the other drugs don't matter, then?
Never was fond of the rather external(until now it didn't have much relevance, IIRC) med-x issue, it seems forced in. Many a sidefic has a character with a drug problem, but it's usually not the primary protagonist. That pushes it into your face and that's entirely an opinion.

SF doing SF stuff. Good job putting Crimson in some danger, by the way, even if it seemed a bit forced. For special forces they seem rather inept at advancing and clearing positions.

Ah, expected one of them to die eventually. And, "sniper friend"?

Just great, another enemy force shows up.

Seems large group size is taking a toll, several characters didn't matter at all so far.
Anarchist forces. Jolly good, let's have a go at em'.

Crimson can fight again. He's got superpony stamina.

Crimson isn't doing this for Coltchester, he's basically a lucrative mercenary who fancies himself differently. Not much that's really honourable about it.

Now I'm confused. Zimena is the zebra? I had to read that over many times to find out that the 'familiar pony', Neon, was speaking.
Couldn't like this one. I tried to remain constructive in criticism but I'm afraid my sarcasm was a bit overdone. If anything needs clarification say so. I'll read the next at the very least. I'm really not picky about individual chapters if the story has promise.
Apologies.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Kippershy on Thu Oct 17, 2013 3:28 am

Ketchup wrote:Got around to reading 21, finally.
Last time I read your story was May because I didn't read this one as it came out. Didn't seem that long.
Spoiler:
Opening with the young zebra that idolizes Crimmy, IIRC. Don't remember his name.
I remember the cocktail and the accompanying perk that was kinda weird.
Xander. Very... zebra-ish.

Damn right you make big impressions.
Magic drugs are always a good idea. They're like normal drugs, just magic.

Tsunami seems to be laying exposition down pretty hard. Meh.

I'm guessing all these hardened special forces ponies are very impressed by the relatively sheltered Overmare's son's battlelust. Like everyone is.
Dodging bullets... meh.
Quite video game-ish. "All your allies are pinned down, you gotta help them all by yourself" seems a bit out of place to me in written media.
But hey, drugs.

Lucky, door was locked. No real reason why it would be, better to be able to communicate with and move to other firing positions, but that's a very minor nitpick.

He didn't explode. Bien. Flamethrowers do not explode when shot.

Mercy is a pretty bad name for the knife considering what he does with it. Because irony.

Speaking of mercy, look what you did Crimson, your victim was given a name. Fantastic.
But nope, destructinator doesn't have feelings. I don't even remember who he is fighting, exactly.

Oh he'll be fine, he won't die just yet. He'll get saved, of course.
Ah. Predictable.

Helmets strong enough to deflect a direct hit from most bullets are far too heavy. I doubt the helmet, wherever it is, would help him here.
He's been hit quite a few times, and most grazed. I remember this being the usual.

Foolish. He exposes more vital flesh while he still has a knife. Damn cocky idiot.

The perspective seems a bit off. The tense seems to shift to past from present and a weird mix of the two. Only distracting in a few places.

This guy is dumber than a sack of broken bricks. If you're trying to kill someone you don't stop for a chat. It's an all too common cliche.
At first I thought it may have been Deadlight, but them the armour wasn't to be seen.
The 'them' isn't necessary, and it's a strangely worded sentence.

Deus ex machina is right. Putting it right in the text just makes me think Crimson has access to TV Tropes.
Not fond of that.

Why do they just start talking about that now? I find this conversation path nonsensical.
I'm tired of the us verus them attitude when it comes to races.
Versus.

Speaking of the enemy, prudence is lacking.

Oh of course, Crimson can do things that most others can't just because he's him, or something to due with drug tolerance. His 'protagonist syndrome' is more severe than I remember.

Again a bit heavy with the exposition. I guess the other drugs don't matter, then?
Never was fond of the rather external(until now it didn't have much relevance, IIRC) med-x issue, it seems forced in. Many a sidefic has a character with a drug problem, but it's usually not the primary protagonist. That pushes it into your face and that's entirely an opinion.

SF doing SF stuff. Good job putting Crimson in some danger, by the way, even if it seemed a bit forced. For special forces they seem rather inept at advancing and clearing positions.

Ah, expected one of them to die eventually. And, "sniper friend"?

Just great, another enemy force shows up.

Seems large group size is taking a toll, several characters didn't matter at all so far.
Anarchist forces. Jolly good, let's have a go at em'.

Crimson can fight again. He's got superpony stamina.

Crimson isn't doing this for Coltchester, he's basically a lucrative mercenary who fancies himself differently. Not much that's really honourable about it.

Now I'm confused. Zimena is the zebra? I had to read that over many times to find out that the 'familiar pony', Neon, was speaking.
Couldn't like this one. I tried to remain constructive in criticism but I'm afraid my sarcasm was a bit overdone. If anything needs clarification say so. I'll read the next at the very least. I'm really not picky about individual chapters if the story has promise.
Apologies.
Hah, the drugs making a mark on your memory. Means I either annoyed you enough with 'em or wrote it well enough at the start to make you remember. Hah.

You say it's very video game like, but then it's happened in real life as well. It's not recommended because real life is a lot riskier than any game but there has been times where a single person with the opportunity to move has been able to open up a whole new window of opportunity with the element of surprise. Or twisted around, where a group of six managed to defend a whole apartment building from an army - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pavlov%27s_House

Looking up the meaning of bien, I suppose I managed to imply the right thing with flamethrower man.
His armour being flame retardant was literally only meant to be for when he was shooting it and not implying that his tank exploded, hence shooting him in the face - but I think you see that I meant that, so cool cool.

Mercy:
And that's the whole point of his knife being called Mercy and why Cherry has Justice.
It starts with irony and becomes something more as the story progresses.

Your comment about it being predictable is a little backwards, no?
I'm assuming you mean Crimson. Fact is you've got to accept he's got plot armour until the time is ready but at the same time I don't want to keep him away from any intense fighting just because the risk of showing off his plot armour because that in itself would be an even bigger sign of plot armour.
Sorry, but this is one of those things that if I interpret the reader (of any fic, not just my own) wrong and think they're whining, I find it annoying as all fuck. Of course there's plot armour otherwise he'd have died at either the wolves or the bandit attack back in Coltshire Commons.

We're working on Fallout logic here. A light helmet won't do shit against anything other than melee attacks but a heavy helmet like the BoS use in-game is supposed to be able to take quite a lot of punishment to the face and continue working as protection. Sure, in real life you'd likely snap your neck from wearing it alone before you've even got the force of a bullet, but game-logic.
So that's what that's about. Fallout logic for the helmet the bandit was wearing.

The 'strangely worded sentence' is a typo. Reread it as 'then' and see how much more sense it makes.

It's because he's a med-x abuser. Nothing more than that.
Tsunami wasn't expecting to find out that he's a junkie and if she had known it from the start rather than simply suspected it when he asks for more, she would have understood how the hell his body can handle it without freaking out.
What's so hard to understand about that? Really?

I'll go back and edit the familiar pony thing when I've got the time, but right now I've not because of work. Took me a lot longer to read/respond to this than I expected.
Anyway, thanks for reading and thanks for the feedback. I know some of this may seem a little off but I'm not the type to simply roll over and let anyone say anything just because I want the attention of any kind. I appreciate that you're doing it for me I just have my reasons for things and get more defensive than I should over it.
And yes, Crimson is a fancy, 'high class' mercenary. But remember, he's supposed to have a high speech skill too and that means that he'll lie about it to win over new friends if it benefits him.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Ketchup on Thu Oct 17, 2013 3:48 pm

You say it's very video game like, but then it's happened in real life as well. It's not recommended because real life is a lot riskier than any game but there has been times where a single person with the opportunity to move has been able to open up a whole new window of opportunity with the element of surprise. Or twisted around, where a group of six managed to defend a whole apartment building from an army - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pavlov%27s_House
Oh yes, it happens, albeit rarely. Not really the point, though. Crimson, as I interpreted it, was dodging lines of fire that were probably pre-established. I know he's a pegasus and was on drugs, but it just seems unrealistic, even in setting.
Looking up the meaning of bien, I suppose I managed to imply the right thing with flamethrower man.
His armour being flame retardant was literally only meant to be for when he was shooting it and not implying that his tank exploded, hence shooting him in the face - but I think you see that I meant that, so cool cool.
Bien is French for 'good' as I learned it but does not literally mean that.
And yeah.
Mercy:
And that's the whole point of his knife being called Mercy and why Cherry has Justice.
It starts with irony and becomes something more as the story progresses.
I'm sure it does. Many things in your story are said to develop later.
Your comment about it being predictable is a little backwards, no?
I'm assuming you mean Crimson. Fact is you've got to accept he's got plot armour until the time is ready but at the same time I don't want to keep him away from any intense fighting just because the risk of showing off his plot armour because that in itself would be an even bigger sign of plot armour.
Sorry, but this is one of those things that if I interpret the reader (of any fic, not just my own) wrong and think they're whining, I find it annoying as all fuck. Of course there's plot armour otherwise he'd have died at either the wolves or the bandit attack back in Coltshire Commons.
Not quite, actually. Him doing all that stuff all by himself shows off his plot armour to me, precisely the opposite. What I meant by predictable is that his buddies distracted them just when needed. I should have clarified. I understand the requirement for plot armour, but I prefer more subtle approaches than having bullets graze or bounce off more often than not.
We're working on Fallout logic here. A light helmet won't do shit against anything other than melee attacks but a heavy helmet like the BoS use in-game is supposed to be able to take quite a lot of punishment to the face and continue working as protection. Sure, in real life you'd likely snap your neck from wearing it alone before you've even got the force of a bullet, but game-logic.
So that's what that's about. Fallout logic for the helmet the bandit was wearing.
Been too long, gotta get a bit back into the fantasticism of the setting a bit more.
The 'strangely worded sentence' is a typo. Reread it as 'then' and see how much more sense it makes.
It makes more sense, sure, but I still don't think it flows very well. It has an odd structure for that kind of sentence, it "wasn't to be seen" can be replaced by more concise structures.
It's because he's a med-x abuser. Nothing more than that.
Tsunami wasn't expecting to find out that he's a junkie and if she had known it from the start rather than simply suspected it when he asks for more, she would have understood how the hell his body can handle it without freaking out.
What's so hard to understand about that? Really?
It was that she immediately goes to the med-x. The other drugs didn't concern her at all. Shouldn't those also have negative effects on the user's abilities after they 'wear off' a la Fallout? I know they do in Fo:E. If med-x is reasoned to bestow tolerance to other drugs too, I don't think that's really how it works but I could be totally wrong. Ingesting caffeine regularly doesn't make you less effected by painkillers, for a rough metaphor.
The sheer endurance was also offsetting.
Anyway, thanks for reading and thanks for the feedback. I know some of this may seem a little off but I'm not the type to simply roll over and let anyone say anything just because I want the attention of any kind. I appreciate that you're doing it for me I just have my reasons for things and get more defensive than I should over it.
A defensive response is expected to most criticism, mine was very offensive compared to my usual fare, too, for which I apologize. So I understand to a degree.

The point of these is to give feedback, what I felt could be done better, what I liked, what I disliked. Usually more emphasis is placed upon positive comments but I quite honestly had very few. My interpretations may be not what you intended, either, but there's not much that you can do to account for that aside from writing in a different style, which is impractical.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Kippershy on Thu Oct 17, 2013 4:48 pm

Ketchup wrote:
You say it's very video game like, but then it's happened in real life as well. It's not recommended because real life is a lot riskier than any game but there has been times where a single person with the opportunity to move has been able to open up a whole new window of opportunity with the element of surprise. Or twisted around, where a group of six managed to defend a whole apartment building from an army - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pavlov%27s_House
Oh yes, it happens, albeit rarely. Not really the point, though. Crimson, as I interpreted it, was dodging lines of fire that were probably pre-established. I know he's a pegasus and was on drugs, but it just seems unrealistic, even in setting.
Looking up the meaning of bien, I suppose I managed to imply the right thing with flamethrower man.
His armour being flame retardant was literally only meant to be for when he was shooting it and not implying that his tank exploded, hence shooting him in the face - but I think you see that I meant that, so cool cool.
Bien is French for 'good' as I learned it but does not literally mean that.
And yeah.
Mercy:
And that's the whole point of his knife being called Mercy and why Cherry has Justice.
It starts with irony and becomes something more as the story progresses.
I'm sure it does. Many things in your story are said to develop later.
Your comment about it being predictable is a little backwards, no?
I'm assuming you mean Crimson. Fact is you've got to accept he's got plot armour until the time is ready but at the same time I don't want to keep him away from any intense fighting just because the risk of showing off his plot armour because that in itself would be an even bigger sign of plot armour.
Sorry, but this is one of those things that if I interpret the reader (of any fic, not just my own) wrong and think they're whining, I find it annoying as all fuck. Of course there's plot armour otherwise he'd have died at either the wolves or the bandit attack back in Coltshire Commons.
Not quite, actually. Him doing all that stuff all by himself shows off his plot armour to me, precisely the opposite. What I meant by predictable is that his buddies distracted them just when needed. I should have clarified. I understand the requirement for plot armour, but I prefer more subtle approaches than having bullets graze or bounce off more often than not.
We're working on Fallout logic here. A light helmet won't do shit against anything other than melee attacks but a heavy helmet like the BoS use in-game is supposed to be able to take quite a lot of punishment to the face and continue working as protection. Sure, in real life you'd likely snap your neck from wearing it alone before you've even got the force of a bullet, but game-logic.
So that's what that's about. Fallout logic for the helmet the bandit was wearing.
Been too long, gotta get a bit back into the fantasticism of the setting a bit more.
The 'strangely worded sentence' is a typo. Reread it as 'then' and see how much more sense it makes.
It makes more sense, sure, but I still don't think it flows very well. It has an odd structure for that kind of sentence, it "wasn't to be seen" can be replaced by more concise structures.
It's because he's a med-x abuser. Nothing more than that.
Tsunami wasn't expecting to find out that he's a junkie and if she had known it from the start rather than simply suspected it when he asks for more, she would have understood how the hell his body can handle it without freaking out.
What's so hard to understand about that? Really?
It was that she immediately goes to the med-x. The other drugs didn't concern her at all. Shouldn't those also have negative effects on the user's abilities after they 'wear off' a la Fallout? I know they do in Fo:E. If med-x is reasoned to bestow tolerance to other drugs too, I don't think that's really how it works but I could be totally wrong. Ingesting caffeine regularly doesn't make you less effected by painkillers, for a rough metaphor.
The sheer endurance was also offsetting.
Anyway, thanks for reading and thanks for the feedback. I know some of this may seem a little off but I'm not the type to simply roll over and let anyone say anything just because I want the attention of any kind. I appreciate that you're doing it for me I just have my reasons for things and get more defensive than I should over it.
A defensive response is expected to most criticism, mine was very offensive compared to my usual fare, too, for which I apologize. So I understand to a degree.

The point of these is to give feedback, what I felt could be done better, what I liked, what I disliked. Usually more emphasis is placed upon positive comments but I quite honestly had very few. My interpretations may be not what you intended, either, but there's not much that you can do to account for that aside from writing in a different style, which is impractical.
You have a fair point, though by this point we've established I suck at combat in terms of your tastes.
You're not the only one to think so, I'm pretty sure I suck in writing combat altogether, but by this point I'm going to tell you it's not likely going to improve because I honestly don't believe it will.

I'm slow to implement or divulge things I consider to be a big issue most of the time. The development of many things in my story could have come a lot sooner and judging by the way you say that, you would have preferred it. However, I prefer the slow approach so I can have more time to build up to it and not make it feel like a quick change.
Crimson's change from slut to romantic was a damn quick change, in complete opposite of my usual preference, but if you ever get yourself into a relationship that's like that, you'll understand.
You likely will find a relationship that does that to you, most people do. True that it's sped up because of literature and my designs, but if you ever find that someone who makes your head spin by the mere thought of them and the thoughts of them just won't stop, you'll understand why I chose to go so fast with that while everything else is slow.
We're beginning to see things that you won't appreciate for a while yet, however.

With the plot armour - you've got a choice.
You can either whine that I'm having too many bullets miss, too many bullets graze and ping off - or you can whine that Crimson doesn't come out of the medical bay - ever.
Which, if I remember correctly, you like Murky Number Seven, right?
With that said, you'd probably not whine if he never left the medical bay. But what I mean is, fuck that shit. I'm not pulling a fucking MN7 and having my MC in the medical bay every day of his life because that's what I've established wounds to do, no?
How many times has Crimson needed medical help because of a fight going wrong? How many times has he blacked out or been rescued because he's been overwhelmed?
Fact is, it's my style. He's going to either get lucky or be fucked up and have injuries that don't flash away in an instant through a healing potion.

You completely forget a big issue here.
Crimson is med-x tolerant.
He's not Buck tolerant. Nor is he a proper medic, he simply knows some basic first aid and some simple stuff from that time he read the doctors books.
When he thought the drugs were wearing off, it was actually the adrenaline running down and the med-x beginning to wear off already given the extreme nature of his wound.
The 'Buck Up' wasn't ending fully, the med-x was.
That's why he was so desperate for more. He didn't know it consciously to be the reason, but his body was begging for more because the cocktail requires it to be [as] effective.
Substituting with a healing potion is a very, very short-term fix and he only got energy again through another adrenaline rush before - guess what? the drugs wore off entirely and he passed out.
Crimson is tolerant to med-x because his abuse and addiction. This messes up all med-x based healing methods.

Still, I'm not trying to tear your head off and nor "should" I even be anything but listening and not saying a thing in return that counters your points, if what I hear is true about accepting criticism.
Despite that though, I just don't have it in me not to respond honestly. I just hope you don't take it as me telling you to fuck off or nout.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Ketchup on Thu Oct 17, 2013 5:45 pm

Kippershy wrote:You have a fair point, though by this point we've established I suck at combat in terms of your tastes.
You're not the only one to think so, I'm pretty sure I suck in writing combat altogether, but by this point I'm going to tell you it's not likely going to improve because I honestly don't believe it will.
C'est la vie. You've written good combat before, I'm sure of it. Just that this chapter was mostly combat and not that. I've given you some 'advice' so to speak but it was a very long time ago and I don't know if it had an effect or if it was of any value. Improvement comes with experience, and you did go on something of a hiatus before writing this chapter.
I'm slow to implement or divulge things I consider to be a big issue most of the time. The development of many things in my story could have come a lot sooner and judging by the way you say that, you would have preferred it. However, I prefer the slow approach so I can have more time to build up to it and not make it feel like a quick change.
Crimson's change from slut to romantic was a damn quick change, in complete opposite of my usual preference, but if you ever get yourself into a relationship that's like that, you'll understand.
You likely will find a relationship that does that to you, most people do. True that it's sped up because of literature and my designs, but if you ever find that someone who makes your head spin by the mere thought of them and the thoughts of them just won't stop, you'll understand why I chose to go so fast with that while everything else is slow.
We're beginning to see things that you won't appreciate for a while yet, however.
I understand that as an aspect in the story and have accepted that for a while now, I did not mean it as a detraction. But it seems things are frankly too slow. That whole chapter was one fight and one meaningful conversation. And it felt pretty long. The whole PLAC arc(I'm not sure what else to call it) could have been over in a few chapters, but more and more kept on getting added on.
I get that it was planned. I get that it is, at least for the first chunk, the main conflict. But almost nothing really gets done by my memory, but don't place a lot on that, it's been months.
I don't mean to go for any nerves, but isn't that one of the litany of reasons you no longer read Project Horizons? More and more things inflating how long it has to be?

That said, I still like your fic.
With the plot armour - you've got a choice.
You can either whine that I'm having too many bullets miss, too many bullets graze and ping off - or you can whine that Crimson doesn't come out of the medical bay - ever.
Which, if I remember correctly, you like Murky Number Seven, right?
With that said, you'd probably not whine if he never left the medical bay. But what I mean is, fuck that shit. I'm not pulling a fucking MN7 and having my MC in the medical bay every day of his life because that's what I've established wounds to do, no?
How many times has Crimson needed medical help because of a fight going wrong? How many times has he blacked out or been rescued because he's been overwhelmed?
Fact is, it's my style. He's going to either get lucky or be fucked up and have injuries that don't flash away in an instant through a healing potion.
First, I do not read Murky and do not intend to for a while yet if at all. Rather strong dislike of it, I see.
You diverge from the original and most other fics I've seen in how wounds work. That's just fine. But, as this fic is combat-heavy, the longer though quite abbreviated recovery times do clash with the intense battles. This leads to very few wounds while Crimson kills scores of the enemy. Healing potions could be used for more severe wounds than what you seem to regularly restrict Crimson to in regular battle, perhaps? Basically, you made them mostly useless for what a drinkable healing drug would be useful for: quick recovery.
Crimson is currently badly wounded, so larger wounds are not entirely exempt from occurring, of course.

Oh, and I try not to "complain or protest in a childish fashion". Looks like it's not working. I can stop opining if you wish.
You completely forget a big issue here.
Crimson is med-x tolerant.
He's not Buck tolerant. Nor is he a proper medic, he simply knows some basic first aid and some simple stuff from that time he read the doctors books.
When he thought the drugs were wearing off, it was actually the adrenaline running down and the med-x beginning to wear off already given the extreme nature of his wound.
The 'Buck Up' wasn't ending fully, the med-x was.
That's why he was so desperate for more. He didn't know it consciously to be the reason, but his body was begging for more because the cocktail requires it to be [as] effective.
Substituting with a healing potion is a very, very short-term fix and he only got energy again through another adrenaline rush before - guess what? the drugs wore off entirely and he passed out.
Crimson is tolerant to med-x because his abuse and addiction. This messes up all med-x based healing methods.
I didn't forget that, though I didn't explicitly mention it in the last post.
I don't really have much else to say on it. From the story I got the impression that the drugs had entirely worn off, not just the med-x, it wore off first because he's tolerant, that does make sense. It was not clear to me from the text that that was indeed the case. That'd be hard to do from his perspective.
Just how extreme was the wound, anyway? Just slapping a dressing on a wound doesn't simply stop it from bleeding, especially if internal damage is more than even very minor. Not knowing the severity, I wouldn't be able to begin to estimate from limited knowledge whether he'd bleed out or not. Word of God says no, though, so I'm guessing it's not that severe.
Still, I'm not trying to tear your head off and nor "should" I even be anything but listening and not saying a thing in return that counters your points, if what I hear is true about accepting criticism.
Despite that though, I just don't have it in me not to respond honestly. I just hope you don't take it as me telling you to fuck off or nout.
"You don't like it? Fuck you, this is how it is" is the vibe I'm getting from this. I am rather sensitive so don't take that heavily.

Curious, who is upvoting my posts?
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Kippershy on Fri Oct 18, 2013 12:26 am

Spoiler:

Ketchup wrote:
Kippershy wrote:You have a fair point, though by this point we've established I suck at combat in terms of your tastes.
You're not the only one to think so, I'm pretty sure I suck in writing combat altogether, but by this point I'm going to tell you it's not likely going to improve because I honestly don't believe it will.
C'est la vie. You've written good combat before, I'm sure of it. Just that this chapter was mostly combat and not that. I've given you some 'advice' so to speak but it was a very long time ago and I don't know if it had an effect or if it was of any value. Improvement comes with experience, and you did go on something of a hiatus before writing this chapter.
I'm slow to implement or divulge things I consider to be a big issue most of the time. The development of many things in my story could have come a lot sooner and judging by the way you say that, you would have preferred it. However, I prefer the slow approach so I can have more time to build up to it and not make it feel like a quick change.
Crimson's change from slut to romantic was a damn quick change, in complete opposite of my usual preference, but if you ever get yourself into a relationship that's like that, you'll understand.
You likely will find a relationship that does that to you, most people do. True that it's sped up because of literature and my designs, but if you ever find that someone who makes your head spin by the mere thought of them and the thoughts of them just won't stop, you'll understand why I chose to go so fast with that while everything else is slow.
We're beginning to see things that you won't appreciate for a while yet, however.
I understand that as an aspect in the story and have accepted that for a while now, I did not mean it as a detraction. But it seems things are frankly too slow. That whole chapter was one fight and one meaningful conversation. And it felt pretty long. The whole PLAC arc(I'm not sure what else to call it) could have been over in a few chapters, but more and more kept on getting added on.
I get that it was planned. I get that it is, at least for the first chunk, the main conflict. But almost nothing really gets done by my memory, but don't place a lot on that, it's been months.
I don't mean to go for any nerves, but isn't that one of the litany of reasons you no longer read Project Horizons? More and more things inflating how long it has to be?

That said, I still like your fic.
With the plot armour - you've got a choice.
You can either whine that I'm having too many bullets miss, too many bullets graze and ping off - or you can whine that Crimson doesn't come out of the medical bay - ever.
Which, if I remember correctly, you like Murky Number Seven, right?
With that said, you'd probably not whine if he never left the medical bay. But what I mean is, fuck that shit. I'm not pulling a fucking MN7 and having my MC in the medical bay every day of his life because that's what I've established wounds to do, no?
How many times has Crimson needed medical help because of a fight going wrong? How many times has he blacked out or been rescued because he's been overwhelmed?
Fact is, it's my style. He's going to either get lucky or be fucked up and have injuries that don't flash away in an instant through a healing potion.
First, I do not read Murky and do not intend to for a while yet if at all. Rather strong dislike of it, I see.
You diverge from the original and most other fics I've seen in how wounds work. That's just fine. But, as this fic is combat-heavy, the longer though quite abbreviated recovery times do clash with the intense battles. This leads to very few wounds while Crimson kills scores of the enemy. Healing potions could be used for more severe wounds than what you seem to regularly restrict Crimson to in regular battle, perhaps? Basically, you made them mostly useless for what a drinkable healing drug would be useful for: quick recovery.
Crimson is currently badly wounded, so larger wounds are not entirely exempt from occurring, of course.

Oh, and I try not to "complain or protest in a childish fashion". Looks like it's not working. I can stop opining if you wish.
You completely forget a big issue here.
Crimson is med-x tolerant.
He's not Buck tolerant. Nor is he a proper medic, he simply knows some basic first aid and some simple stuff from that time he read the doctors books.
When he thought the drugs were wearing off, it was actually the adrenaline running down and the med-x beginning to wear off already given the extreme nature of his wound.
The 'Buck Up' wasn't ending fully, the med-x was.
That's why he was so desperate for more. He didn't know it consciously to be the reason, but his body was begging for more because the cocktail requires it to be [as] effective.
Substituting with a healing potion is a very, very short-term fix and he only got energy again through another adrenaline rush before - guess what? the drugs wore off entirely and he passed out.
Crimson is tolerant to med-x because his abuse and addiction. This messes up all med-x based healing methods.
I didn't forget that, though I didn't explicitly mention it in the last post.
I don't really have much else to say on it. From the story I got the impression that the drugs had entirely worn off, not just the med-x, it wore off first because he's tolerant, that does make sense. It was not clear to me from the text that that was indeed the case. That'd be hard to do from his perspective.
Just how extreme was the wound, anyway? Just slapping a dressing on a wound doesn't simply stop it from bleeding, especially if internal damage is more than even very minor. Not knowing the severity, I wouldn't be able to begin to estimate from limited knowledge whether he'd bleed out or not. Word of God says no, though, so I'm guessing it's not that severe.
Still, I'm not trying to tear your head off and nor "should" I even be anything but listening and not saying a thing in return that counters your points, if what I hear is true about accepting criticism.
Despite that though, I just don't have it in me not to respond honestly. I just hope you don't take it as me telling you to fuck off or nout.
"You don't like it? Fuck you, this is how it is" is the vibe I'm getting from this. I am rather sensitive so don't take that heavily.

Curious, who is upvoting my posts?
No, no it couldn't be a few chapters. That's the issue, Ketch. You COMPLETELY misunderstand the PLAC arc.
Coltchester isn't a short stop-off. Coltchester is where the story really tells itself. Coltchester is the story.
Four Ridges? Four Ridges has it's part to play of course, we will be seeing more of it and it'll never be left to be forgotten or anything, but Coltchester and the revolution is about the chunkiest piece of the story.
Getting it done in 'a few chapters' would do it no justice and mean that by that kind of thought, the story would be over by now or at 25.
It won't be.
It's got a long while yet, so here's my words of advice and there's no malice in them - just warning: If you don't want a slow progression, if you don't want to be hearing about Coltchester, if you don't want to be dealing with all of this type of stuff, leave the story now.
I'm not saying I don't want you around, but the fact is the story is the story and no matter what you say I will not change that one bit.
Again, not that I don't want you, but neither do I want to mislead you and make you think this is something it isn't.

I'll keep in mind to start using healing potions for smaller wounds, though yeah, like you say, I was never one for the instant quick fix of a healing potion because I find it to be a cheap way out of injury. The fact you can just chug a potion - or two if it's serious - and then be restored from any ill doesn't sit with me.
And don't worry about telling me your opinion on things. I'd honestly rather you stopped giving me reviews at all if you weren't to give me your opinions no matter how much "childish whining" there is in them then to give me opinions that just kiss ass so there's nothing I can disagree with you about (when it's not how you really feel.)
Even when I'm disagreeing with you, even when I feel you've said something before and it's not something I can do much about, I'd rather have the genuine package so at least there's some chance that I'll be able to use it for improvement should it be something I can work on.
Oh, and sorry for getting you mixed up then. Could've sworn that you read MN7 but obviously I was thinking of someone else then. And yes, I dislike MN7. Like PH it has brilliant technical writing but the content itself is often drab in my own opinion. Too long, too much whining and crying, not the feel nor style I'm keen on.

As for Crimson's drug/wound issue, I know it's a confusing state but we'll hear more about that in 23. 22 went to Cherry and 23 goes back to Crimson.
Like I said however, the trouble was we saw it from his perspective and because he's not fully trained like Tsunami is for example, he has misconceptions on what is actually happening to him.
The buck worked to keep him strong enough that he wouldn't collapse, literally making him endure the physical tiredness and inability to do anything.
The healing potions worked to heal as much immediate damage as possible. He hasn't been hit through any organs luckily, but the wound was still god damn nasty and it was as much about the force of the blow as internal damage. Getting hit with a rifle ain't exactly a pleasant feeling.
The med-x worked to get him to ignore the pain and sluggishness. Although the buck had worked to make him strong enough to stand and fight, it would still leave him feeling sluggish after such trauma. His joints would ache and he'd feel sick, tired and unable - but awake.
The med-x solves that issue and allows him to 'forget' the pain and drowsiness so he can get out of the situation as quick as possible without being dragged the whole way - or that's the intention of the drug, anyway.
By forcing even more adrenaline through his system and speeding up his heartrate it only served to reduce the effective time of all these drugs and because of how accustomed to med-x he is, it began to wear off before the buck.
He'll be under care and not getting into fights for a little while now to give him a chance to actually, properly heal now.


I know I've told you now in this post, quite literally 'yeah, this is how it is and if you don't like it I won't lie it ain't changing' but again, that's only so I don't mislead you into thinking it is.
Broken Bonds is a slow progressing story with the heart of the tale set in Coltchester and I don't want you to believe it'll be changing any day now. It won't be.
If you don't enjoy it, I don't expect you to hang around in hopes it'll get better because for you it likely won't.
As for the rest of my comments, I apologise if I come off as harsh. I just feel that I've gotta keep everything explained because it's my baby and no matter what anyone says, there's a lot more thought and rationality behind everything that I do with the exclusion of very, very few scenes that come off the top of my head.
The trouble is it is a slow progressing story and you readers have no clue just how much has an explanation, has a reason, has a damn thorough thought process.
None of you bar Katarn know anything of my plans and even he hasn't got the absolute smallest details because they exist only in my head right now until the time is right to share them.
The story is starting to show some of them with 22, but again, I like my stuff slow.

As with the upvotes, I've upvoted but I don't know who else did. I should've upvoted straight away because you do at least give decent criticism no matter what I may have you think with my reactions, though I don't know who else did. I was literally leaving out of the door at the time yesterday, however. That's why I didn't that very second.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Ketchup on Fri Oct 18, 2013 3:50 pm

Kippershy wrote:No, no it couldn't be a few chapters. That's the issue, Ketch. You COMPLETELY misunderstand the PLAC arc.
Coltchester isn't a short stop-off. Coltchester is where the story really tells itself. Coltchester is the story.
Four Ridges? Four Ridges has it's part to play of course, we will be seeing more of it and it'll never be left to be forgotten or anything, but Coltchester and the revolution is about the chunkiest piece of the story.
Getting it done in 'a few chapters' would do it no justice and mean that by that kind of thought, the story would be over by now or at 25.
It won't be.
It's got a long while yet, so here's my words of advice and there's no malice in them - just warning: If you don't want a slow progression, if you don't want to be hearing about Coltchester, if you don't want to be dealing with all of this type of stuff, leave the story now.
I'm not saying I don't want you around, but the fact is the story is the story and no matter what you say I will not change that one bit.
Again, not that I don't want you, but neither do I want to mislead you and make you think this is something it isn't.
Believe it or not, I have actually read the story and remembered some of it so I do have some idea of what the PLAC arc is, at least from my point of view. If I didn't understand at all I wouldn't read the story.
I merely did not fully understand that the story is barely about water anymore, but rather about a revolution that Crimson decides to be a part of(and get passionate about) to get the water talisman in the long run. Most Fo:E stories are adventures in some way or form, the start of this one was for sure, but it really isn't any longer. It's a dramatic take on a revolution and the potential effects of outside intervention. Being accustomed to Fo:E stories being adventures and not about a sort of civil conflict, I hadn't expected the entire story to be about Coltchester. What I meant by it being potentially over in a few chapters is that you could, if you so wished, had it turn out to be a dud and kept the story going as an adventure. That could have created an arc where Crimson would be torn between helping the downtrodden and getting his mission done.
It'd be nice to see his ego taken down a few notches, heh.
But I'm getting off topic. That's not what you planned, not what happened, and not what you want. Props to you for writing what you want to write. Sometimes authors are pressured by readers to write a different story, and I don't think that's right.
I don't know why it took so long for me to realize the story will probably go on mostly in Coltchester. I don't remember how I thought all those months ago.

I think the English, Political Sciences, and Modern History classes I'm taking have changed how I view things. I have effective teachers.
I'll keep in mind to start using healing potions for smaller wounds, though yeah, like you say, I was never one for the instant quick fix of a healing potion because I find it to be a cheap way out of injury. The fact you can just chug a potion - or two if it's serious - and then be restored from any ill doesn't sit with me.
And don't worry about telling me your opinion on things. I'd honestly rather you stopped giving me reviews at all if you weren't to give me your opinions no matter how much "childish whining" there is in them then to give me opinions that just kiss ass so there's nothing I can disagree with you about (when it's not how you really feel.)
Even when I'm disagreeing with you, even when I feel you've said something before and it's not something I can do much about, I'd rather have the genuine package so at least there's some chance that I'll be able to use it for improvement should it be something I can work on.
Oh, and sorry for getting you mixed up then. Could've sworn that you read MN7 but obviously I was thinking of someone else then. And yes, I dislike MN7. Like PH it has brilliant technical writing but the content itself is often drab in my own opinion. Too long, too much whining and crying, not the feel nor style I'm keen on.
I've always been honest with feedback, but I've always thought I looked like a colossal kissass. I try to be polite and be nice by my own standards, which is part of what used to(and still subtly does) inhibit my capacity to complain.
Interesting position on whining, I don't see what most people say in regards to criticism as whining. Saying an author is moronic or stupid for taking their story where they wish is childish to me in that respect.
As for Crimson's drug/wound issue, I know it's a confusing state but we'll hear more about that in 23. 22 went to Cherry and 23 goes back to Crimson.
Like I said however, the trouble was we saw it from his perspective and because he's not fully trained like Tsunami is for example, he has misconceptions on what is actually happening to him.
Yep, I understand why and what. With books when stuff like this happens you'd keep going until you would eventually find out what the heck is going on. As this is a serial piece, I read it as such.
I know I've told you now in this post, quite literally 'yeah, this is how it is and if you don't like it I won't lie it ain't changing' but again, that's only so I don't mislead you into thinking it is.
Broken Bonds is a slow progressing story with the heart of the tale set in Coltchester and I don't want you to believe it'll be changing any day now. It won't be.
If you don't enjoy it, I don't expect you to hang around in hopes it'll get better because for you it likely won't.
As for the rest of my comments, I apologise if I come off as harsh. I just feel that I've gotta keep everything explained because it's my baby and no matter what anyone says, there's a lot more thought and rationality behind everything that I do with the exclusion of very, very few scenes that come off the top of my head.
The trouble is it is a slow progressing story and you readers have no clue just how much has an explanation, has a reason, has a damn thorough thought process.
None of you bar Katarn know anything of my plans and even he hasn't got the absolute smallest details because they exist only in my head right now until the time is right to share them.
The story is starting to show some of them with 22, but again, I like my stuff slow.
You are a very protective mother then. It's all good. Thing is, as you know, people interpret and see things differently, and this ranges from reading to mathematics learning. Something that makes absolutely flawless sense to one person might be the cause of utter confusion in another, to use extremes.

Something to keep in mind, nothing I've said is intended as rhetoric. I'm not trying to change you, not trying to convince you. From my point of view, I'm telling you of things I see that can be interpreted as holes, issues, unexplained actions and events, or other things that I perhaps saw as potentially damaging the story in the future. Doing so has the purpose not to hinder or cause upset, but rather to create a mutual understanding, and to perhaps learn something.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Kippershy on Thu Nov 07, 2013 12:43 am

So, while thinking about things, I came to an interesting idea that I wanna ask my readers - you.
Crimson's love life is the topic here. I want to know what people think is going to happen both short term and long term.
Who is Crimson going to end up with? Will he stay faithful or cave in? Will he move on? Will one of the other two move on and allow him to get with the other mare?

See, here's the thing. Everyone probably has their ideas of what they want to happen and perhaps what they think will happen if it's not the same thing.

Crimson getting with Eos while Cherry is away would be heartbreak for Cherry if she found out and thanks to her special forces buddies, there's little chance that Crimson would be able to hide something like that.
It could cause tension or total breakdown of their relationship and mean the end of it all. While Crimson would be hurt, Eos would more than happily sweep him up and take him as her own.

Crimson ignoring Eos and sticking with Cherry would hurt Eos. Would she be able to handle the rejection and still feel the same about Crimson? Would she still want him around to help out or keep up to their end of the bargain with his help? Would she keep at it and desperately hope that Crimson would see just how much he means to her and give her a chance?

Or perhaps Cherry would be the one who breaks things and not Crimson? Her interactions with Blueheart are early days for sure but she's just entered some very tough times emotionally and opened herself up only to be taken away from the source of comfort that made her open up in the first place. Blueheart has shown that he thinks Cherry is beautiful and he's been awfully kind to her thus far... what if she were to do something she wouldn't expect from herself?

Then there's the possibility that she would come to find things aren't what she hoped, even if she doesn't do anything with Blueheart and Crimson with Eos, what would happen? Would she? What reasons might she have for something like this?


I know it's unorthodox for an author to ask questions like this because not only does it imply that the author doesn't know or would change what they're planning because of the readers thoughts (don't worry, I've got my plans and I'm sticking to them) and also that it might feel forced rather than genuine topic discussion from an organic source (readers) and I apologise, but I'm interested in hearing thoughts.
I know there's people with different ideas out there, I've seen glimpses of them, but I'm interested in seeing if anyone feels like giving me a full discussion about the issue.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Ketchup on Thu Nov 07, 2013 4:14 pm

From what I've gathered about Crimson, he's been built as a sort of honourable fellow. I'd think he'd stay with Cherry for at least a while. I don't see it being the last relationship that he could be in, though, provided he survives for that long. He wouldn't just dump her for Eos, is what I'm saying. It'd be too... inelegant for his charismatic ways.

That said, I still need to read the latest chapter to give something updated on Cherry. I'll probably read it over the Remembrance Day weekend.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Kippershy on Fri Nov 08, 2013 3:43 am

OOooh, nice outlook. Also, I'm glad you have reading comprehension unlike everyone else who replied with 'you should...' rather than 'my thoughts are...'
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Kippershy on Fri Nov 08, 2013 12:48 pm

I had a dream about Crimson and Cherry. We were somewhere and me and Crimson went off to do something real quick during a fight, but made our way back as quickly as we could.
If I remember correctly, we were trying to start up a superweapon that is relevant to the story.
...We weren't fast enough, by a mere second or so.
Cherry was hit and if I had just been there a second or two earlier I could have stopped it.
Cherry died in Crimson's hooves, her final words: "I love you."

We tried to transfer her mind to the superweapon but the dream ended.
I felt sad.
This is the second time I've had this happen in a dream now. I don't want Cherry to die.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by CamoBadger on Fri Nov 08, 2013 3:24 pm

Kippershy wrote:So, while thinking about things, I came to an interesting idea that I wanna ask my readers - you.
Crimson's love life is the topic here. I want to know what people think is going to happen both short term and long term.
Who is Crimson going to end up with? Will he stay faithful or cave in? Will he move on? Will one of the other two move on and allow him to get with the other mare?

See, here's the thing. Everyone probably has their ideas of what they want to happen and perhaps what they think will happen if it's not the same thing.

Crimson getting with Eos while Cherry is away would be heartbreak for Cherry if she found out and thanks to her special forces buddies, there's little chance that Crimson would be able to hide something like that.
It could cause tension or total breakdown of their relationship and mean the end of it all. While Crimson would be hurt, Eos would more than happily sweep him up and take him as her own.

Crimson ignoring Eos and sticking with Cherry would hurt Eos. Would she be able to handle the rejection and still feel the same about Crimson? Would she still want him around to help out or keep up to their end of the bargain with his help? Would she keep at it and desperately hope that Crimson would see just how much he means to her and give her a chance?

Or perhaps Cherry would be the one who breaks things and not Crimson? Her interactions with Blueheart are early days for sure but she's just entered some very tough times emotionally and opened herself up only to be taken away from the source of comfort that made her open up in the first place. Blueheart has shown that he thinks Cherry is beautiful and he's been awfully kind to her thus far... what if she were to do something she wouldn't expect from herself?

Then there's the possibility that she would come to find things aren't what she hoped, even if she doesn't do anything with Blueheart and Crimson with Eos, what would happen? Would she? What reasons might she have for something like this?


I know it's unorthodox for an author to ask questions like this because not only does it imply that the author doesn't know or would change what they're planning because of the readers thoughts (don't worry, I've got my plans and I'm sticking to them) and also that it might feel forced rather than genuine topic discussion from an organic source (readers) and I apologise, but I'm interested in hearing thoughts.
I know there's people with different ideas out there, I've seen glimpses of them, but I'm interested in seeing if anyone feels like giving me a full discussion about the issue.
Alright, my personal opinion?
Personally, I don't think Crimson has figured out how much Eos cares about him. He's stuck in lala land thinking she just has a silly crush at the most, and until she up and says it to him he'll continue to think this. And when she does do this, and explains her feelings, he's going to break a little because he wants to stay loyal to Cherry, but seeing that it hurts someone he considers a close friend would throw him for a loop. And to be honest, with Cherry gone, I have a feeling he would lean toward Eos; not to be an asshole, but she's there, and Cherry isn't. Both of them show extreme affection and care for him, and he cares for both of them as well, so I don't doubt he would take the chance. Now, I guarantee he'd feel bad about it later, but until he and Cherry are reunited I can't say for sure which one he would stay with long-term.

As for Cherry, I think she'll stay loyal to Crimson just fine. 
Right up until she gets reunited with him and figures out what he did with Eos, then she'll lose her shit as well. I wouldn't doubt that this would end in her heart shattering, a vicious yelling match that would probably end in her kicking him repeatedly before running off. She'd spend a while not knowing what to do until she recalled a certain other stallion who treated her well even though he was to be considered an 'enemy' when they first met. She'd run off to him, originally just to find comfort from someone after what happened, and after a few hours they'll do the nasty; partly for Cherry to get back at Crimson, and partly because a part of her wanted to get closer to him.

This is the personal opinion of CamoBadger and totally isn't biased for any reason.

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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by CamoBadger on Fri Nov 15, 2013 3:44 pm

NEW CHAPTAH!!!!
Reading now, will provide review.

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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by CamoBadger on Fri Nov 15, 2013 4:35 pm

It's time... for the thing I've been waiting to happen for like 5 chapters... STORY TIME BITCHES!!!
Spoiler:

Heheheh, I love Helios. So great.

3 days? Oh boy can't wait to see Cherry's adventures in that time. Also, surprise, Crimson did something stupid and almost died for it. Maybe he'll learn this time? Wait...no, probably not.

Eos, what're you doing? Eos...

Good, the alicorns are starting to do the post-unity gain all the powers thing. GOOOOOOOD. (This can only end well with Helios being Helios...)

Fluttershy's lullaby...well, that would be more cuter if I hadn't ruined it for myself with a previous story.

SANDSTORM! I missed him. And glad to see he's more talkative now, even if it is a bit sad...

Maisy and Selene hang out now? Must see.

Well, glad to see I'm already right about Helios' reaction to being able to teleport.

Tsunami, you're way too nice for a medic. Start calling him a retard or something damnit!

lolol, you think not giving Crimson a weapon will stop him from going full-retard and trying to duke it out with some random DZC soldier.
Even better! Crimson believes it too.

Yes Tsunami, point out him and Eos being so close. Good medic. Followed by a threat if he does anything stupid? That's my girl.

It's happening...it's here...MOTHAFUCKIN ALICORN BEDTIME!
OH JESUS GOD YES THAT NIGHTCAP
This first story, is fucking amazing. Haven't heard this in a long time. Love how you made it fit very well in the pony-setting. And I like where this is going. Timberwolf story gooooood.
Heheheh, Discord story. Yis Luna...and I guess Celestia is there too.

Helios, stop being so damn cute and hilarious.

Eos, that was dirty... do it again...

And now Crimson is going out, and either he'll do something straight up stupid, or something bad will happen. Not sure which.

And now for analyzing Crimson's thoughts about Eos, which I'm almost certain the Alicorn's picked up on.
He's most certainly going to do something stupid with Eos. Even though he kept saying that he'll stick with Cherry because he loves her, I doubt he'll actually stay with that promise. Call me a pessimistic asshole, but in my experience, thoughts like that are what lead people to cheat on their lover. Starts out innocent enough, just being comfortable with the person and feeling safe with them when their loved one is away, possibly because they miss that person and are looking for someone to give the affection they can't receive during the separation, but eventually it leads into stronger feelings and finally doing something overtly stupid. Of course this is made worse by Crimson hearing Eos' little slip of how she feels about him, so I think he's finally figured out she doesn't just have a silly crush like he originally thought, and is suddenly much more open to her advances than he was before. 
Yes, some of the fault is on Eos, because he has told her how he feels about Cherry and that he doesn't want to lose that, but again, she's providing what he's lacking while Cherry isn't around. Honestly, I'm seeing this inevitably leading to him replacing Cherry and her affection with Eos', simply because she's there and Cherry isn't. Yes it's cold, but it happens, and I'm not seeing this ending any other way right now. Yes, I'm also very biased in this matter, so I could be oh so wrong, but we'll have to wait and see.

Overall, very cute chapter with wonderful interaction that I really enjoyed, and can't wait to see what happens next. Guessing it'll be a Cherry chapter since we need to fill in those 3 days he was out, which makes me happy because moar Cherry and possibly learning more about what's up with the DZC and the mystery faction we were hinted about in the last chapter.

------------------
My stories: Cold as Ice   |   Fallout Equestria: All That Remains FiMFic Page   |   Fallout Equestria: All That Remains Hub Page
Thanks if you read any of them.

If you have a complaint of any kind, a question or a suggestion, please PM me about it and I will respond as quickly as I can.  


Last wrote:((Camo just likes to kill happiness.))

Well spank my flank and call me sexy!

Until next time, hugs and kisses.


 ~Miguel
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Kippershy on Fri Nov 15, 2013 4:36 pm

I know I'm always saying it, but it needs to be said over and over. I love you Camuuuuu.
Always makes me so happy to see you get excited over this Rainbow
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Kippershy on Thu Nov 21, 2013 4:03 am

Forgot to post that I had these two commissioned, and I feel like reposting the picture of bedtime stories for alicorns for any who might not have seen it.



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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Kippershy on Fri Nov 22, 2013 2:55 pm

I am so fucking nervous it ain't even funny.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Kippershy on Tue Feb 04, 2014 1:39 pm

So, logging on for the first time in quite some time!
Just came by to let everyone know that I've finished rewriting chapter three now. I don't expect anyone will actually want to go back and read it seeing as you all know what essentially happens in it anyway, but I'm hoping that anyone who does come along and read it (old or new) finds it a lot more enjoyable than the original version.
All in all the rewritten chapter three jumped up to 21,500 words.

Oh, and for the life of me I can't seem to find the post where this was originally posted:

I remember it being one of you lot and I've been meaning to come back and thank the artist again, but I can't remember for the life of me who it was.
I've just had this desire to apologise for never showing enough appreciation for those who have done so much for me.
So yeah, thank you and I'm sorry I've never been good enough to any of you.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Guest on Thu Feb 06, 2014 5:58 am

I can't match up the artstyle to anyone here. Maybe plasticube? Sorry wish I could help more.

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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Ketchup on Sat Feb 08, 2014 11:56 pm

Sorry it took so long to happen, but here's 22. One benefit to coming back to a story after a long time is a fresh perspective, at least.
Spoiler:
From what I've heard, people do indeed intentionally go to prison sometimes just to have a steady means of living.

The quisling is chivalrous. Interesting.

The majority of Cherry's skills as I remember them are violent in nature. I wonder if he wants her to assassinate someone.
Or just to look around. Many possible reasons.

What's interesting about this guy is that everything he has done can't be seen as definitely true. He may simply be gathering information, which he's doing very well at. He also smiles very frequently. I'd find that unnerving. He has discovered that they are from Four Ridges.
I remember something about stone things that are deactivated at Four Ridges, and I remember that they will come in later. They might attack Four Ridges.

New Vegas, anyone?

To quote Shakespeare's Macbeth:
"They earn our trust by telling us the truth about little things, but then they betray us when it will damage us the most."
Though they are pretty large things.

Cherry offering another spiel on her morality. Seems common in your story.

He was referred to as Captain before Cherry knew of his promotion. Would he not be a Major now if following conventional English rank structures? Or was he referring to an Honor Guard promotion?

Besides, a million is a statistic.

Where did the name Gout come from? He's never introduced.

And so, the DZC has an enemy. A flashy one that uses big flags.
Maybe they assail Four Ridges.

And end.
Definitely a connecting chapter, and rather short. Not boring though. It certainly gave motivation to the faceless enemy and developed characters significantly.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

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