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Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Kippershy on Wed May 08, 2013 1:23 pm

CamoBadger wrote:
Gonna do an as read review:

Okay, so it's been a while, but I think Crimson is sleeping with Eos on the couch (in a completely non-sexual way, but I do think he kissed her to get her to sleep), and Cherry is stuck in the DZC prison.

And right off the bat it's time to return to an old tradition:
10 POINTS TO SLYTH...SELE...SLYRENE...SELENE!

...she didn't...on top of him... while he slept...
and she's hung over, woooo! This is a fun start to a morning, where's Cherry for all thi- oh, that's right, she's in prison!

When you say "Cherry ain't going to free herself" I instantly think "Unless she really wants to".

"The sooner I find out the information on how to get her out of captivity, the sooner I have her back in my hooves and thus I'll be able to rest happy again."
I dunno Crimson, you seemed to sleep pretty damn well last night...

ARE YOU ALL READY FOR A SHOWER SCENE?!

"I didn't know what to do as the alicorn smoothly coated me in her blueberry scented bodywash, though I suspected she got quite the motherly thrill out of it as she focused on getting me clean."
Yes Crimson, because her affection toward you has been completely motherly recently.

"Oh, I know. I'd just like to take care of you and leave you with no effort required."
Bow-chicka-
"Well, that wasn't something I could really argue against, if that was what she wanted."
You should reword your thoughts Crimson...

10 POINTS TO EO...SLYTHEROS? SLYTHEOS! FOR THE WASHING OF CRIMSON'S MANE!

Alicorn Crusaders Hairdresser time?

PIPSQUEAK REFERENCE!

She's done hairdressing GO LOOK IN A MIRROR NAO!
Aw, no crazy new style... Oh well, maybe some other time.

HOLY SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT

I looked at Selene, smiling down at me. "You smell like Eos."
In only one chapter, Selene has jumped up to one of my favorite characters, and only from 2 lines. Well played, well played.
But now it's time to start overly speculating on her behavior:
For some reason I've got a feeling that if Crimson keeps staying close to Eos with stuff like this, her sisters are going to get the very wrong impression stuck in their heads (even though Crimson has already told them that he's with Cherry and that's it), and Eos is going to get the wrong idea as well. It's already starting to border on more-than-friendly between the two since they've kissed on more than one occasion now, and if the wrong pony sees that kind of thing then it will end very badly for someone. I'm also very interested to see what Cherry thinks of all this; she's seemed pretty open before considering the first day they knew each other she happily jumped into bed with Crimson and the other mare (can't remember her name right now), but I wonder if that was just because they were only in the initial super-physical stage of their relationship? And even if she was still okay with that kind of thing (but I'm starting to doubt it with how she's acted with him recently) I don't think that she would be okay with it happening while she's not around. Well, I anticipate we'll be finding out at some point considering this is starting to become a pretty big plot point, and I greatly look forward to it (no matter how messed up that sounds...).

On another note: Eos has a habit for swabbing the deck in the shower?

If she's hurt he'll go crazy?
I can guess what's going to happen when he gets there...

This is one thing I do like about Crimson: He can appreciate a nice butt.

Crimson, quick, GET OUT OF THE ROOM BEFORE SHE SHOWS YOU WHY THEY CALL HER TSUNAMI!!!
Oh, nevermind, it looks like she's like the only mare from Four Ridges that doesn't want to jump your bones. Well, besides the mayor of Tank, but I'm sure she's still gonna fuck you at some point, just in a different way.

But Crimson, there's no kill like overkill! BRING THE FLYING DEATH LION!

Wait... Crimson... doesn't feel like saying much? BUT HE LOVES TALKING! IT'S WHY HIS SPEECH SKILL IS SO HIGH!

Methinks that Tsunami is new to the SF game.

And it seems that the DZC is still too dumb to tell their soldiers "The Executioner is the only pegasus you'll ever see with a black coat and red wings, shouldn't be hard to spot".

Oh god here we go with Crimson Logic time...

"Watching Freight train pummel the ever loving shit out of the previously rowdy Coalition soldier was.... well, quite the sight."
This line made me smile.

Noooo, Tsunami thinks you get protective of Cherry? That's crazy, Crimson would never do that.

I'm so disappointed in this SF team. At least one of the guys should have made a crack about how fruity that speech was.

I like this zebra colt...

I r confus... how does saying the PLAC phrase show them he's the Executioner and not a fake?

NEON'S BACK!

He wants his pay in books? This stallion is one classy motherfucker.

Okay, gotta go drop of my dog for a haircut, then I'll pick up where I left off. Shouldn't be more than 30 minutes or so.
Great chapter so far!


So, first of all, it turns out I can say that motherfuckinglong extendo word all in one go... if I start from when it begins is on the very left and it ends on the very right.

Anyway, glad you're loving it so far. Time for more in depth replies, because they're always good, right?
Spoiler:

Yup, exactly right. Good memory!

Hahaha. I'm glad you approve. I really wanted to show the alicorns getting their own personalities since it all happened and seeing as how they've been around Crimson a fair amount now since it all happened, I imagined that they'd be comfortable enough for jokes and comments like this as their personalities shine through.
(Not that they didn't have their own personalities under the goddess.. just, lessened. Remember, they were sent out by The Goddess and given some free will for recon purposes, after all.)

Eeeeehh. Sleeping well when you need it (say, after having a drink or two) and sleeping comfortably next to the one you love is a little different. Hand it to you, he wasn't non stop crying, but I'd call that down to his stubborn attitude to things. He'd rather get angry at those who have her than cry... for now.

Shhhh. Speak too loudly and you'll wake Crimson up and make him smell the coffee.

And again, I'm really glad you enjoyed his mane wash. Maybe next time I'll make her style it differently for you? hah. Would be funny indeed.

"Who styled your mane?"
"Eos"
"Why?" *raises eyebrow*
*Shrugs* "She wanted to?"

Indeed. Pipsqueak is one of my favourite characters, partially because of his accent (and my own being similar, lololool) and also because his difference in design to the norm. As well of course as the reason of him being cute in general.

I'm really glad you're loving Selene. I want people to really feel like my characters are real and likeable. I don't plan things out like Murky Number Seven does because of it.
Does that mean that I miss out on some moments? Yes. Does that mean I mess up a lot? Yes. Does that mean that they do things that don't feel right for what's going on? No, or I hope not.
I try make it all as organic as I can, very rarely planning out dialogues or specific situations but rather, the general situations and letting what's happened and what wants to happen guide how it goes.
I want to make it feel as realistic as I can, even if it means I lose out on planning benefits.

So yeah, if you like her, that's made me happy.

and yes, Eos does like to relieve herself in the shower.

I can't wait for that moment either.

Yup. He does indeed enjoy some nice plot when he sees it, ain't no shame in looking.

As for Tsunami, I did actually consider adding some backstory where he'd banged her too, but then I thought about it and thought "nah, too much."
Not -every- female in F.R was after him, but it was a decent proportion who either would have, had or would at least consider it if given the opportunity. He's a celebrity after all.

His duster covers his wings, but only with loose flaps so he can still fly with ease. It's designed to conceal the identity of pegasus ponies such as himself, or just keep their wings dry during any rains.
So while yes, if they had seen his red wings they would have fired, he didn't see them. So in effect, he becomes a dark coated probable earth pony.
There's only one pegasus, why make every dark coat earth pony reveal their sides until there's suspicion?

Never considered that. I missed out on a good chance, eh?

Crimson is the only pegasus in the P.L.A.C. It's a known fact that The Executioner is a pegasus.
Crimson says the phrase and while the kid is halted for a moment after realising he knows the sign/co-sign, shows him his wings. Make sense now?
Crimson knows the code and has the wings, so.. yeah.

Though I'm again, really glad you like him.

Indeed, Neon is one classy mofo when he wants to be. Not saying he isn't normally, mind you.

I eagerly await the rest of your review =3
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Kippershy on Wed May 08, 2013 1:33 pm

CamoBadger wrote:Alright back to it.
continued:

"Gimmie yo' muny"
10 POINTS

Crimson, seriously man try to go one day, JUST ONE DAY, without getting shot/stabbed/blown up.

Huh, turns out I didn't have too long left... shoulda just finished before leaving.
AND NOW WE GET TO SEE CRIMSON ON DA DRUGSES!!! Dis gon be gud.

This was a fun chapter, got a good mix of interaction and character development along with some fighting. I approve.

Still a little worried about the whole Crimson/Eos thing, but I'll just have to wait and see what happens.

Also, you dare promote my story in the notes?!?!
I'm glad I helped you out man, and I'm glad you've gotten back to writing and feeling at least a little better

Spoiler:
Yeah, Crimson is taking a lot of hurt right now. My original plan was that he didn't get hurt in this upcoming scene, but then I thought about it and I really don't want to go back down the route of Crimson seeming invincible.For the record, the thing that hit him was a god damn sniper - hence why it was so bad.

Yup. Crimson has just been given a cocktail of drugs that once it really kicks in (they'll have just enough time to quickly bandage him) he'll be back up and functioning and now at 120% (unintentional reference).
Mind you, as soon as it wears off.. well, it ain't going to be pretty.

As for the last thing?


Really glad you liked it. I was so worried that no-one would.
Also, yeah, you get special mention. You truly are an amazing person, friend, fan, writer, everything.
All That Remains is honestly my #1 FOE fic that I follow now. I've gone back to enjoying Project Horizons after the latest chapter, but ATR is still higher quality in my mind.

Back 30 odd chapters ago I wouldn't have said so, but there's been way, way too much now to possibly keep the same charm as it used to have, where-as ATR shows no signs of losing its charm.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by CamoBadger on Wed May 08, 2013 1:53 pm

Wow...thanks man. I don't think I deserve that, but I still appreciate it, I just hope I don't do something to ruin it for you...

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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Kippershy on Wed May 08, 2013 2:03 pm

But you do deserve that. That's exactly why I said it.
Project Horizons is written someone with excellent technical skill, of course. David has a very good vocabulary, knows how to structure sentences, does all that stuff very well.

But his plot? It started off wonderfully because it felt right and we didn't know the half of it. As time went on the plotline has changed but it still feels the same, over and over it's the same style of thing in the same style of response from Blackjack and co.

What charm it had has grown apart from where it is now that the characters have changed just enough to lose their charm but not enough to get a new charm.

You on the other hand?


Your story feels fresh and different. It's not the same old same old, it's its own thing. The story isn't bogged down by 20,000 mysteries, it just takes its nice little pace and gives you something fun (or tense) to read.
There ARE mysteries, but nothing tiresome.

Also, your characters are proving that they can change as time goes on. Of course, the change is slow enough to seem realistic but enough so that they don't repeat the same thing over and over again, in essence.


You do an amazing job and I really do want to see you getting the attention, views and likes you deserve.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by CamoBadger on Wed May 08, 2013 2:17 pm

Shy
no u

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If you have a complaint of any kind, a question or a suggestion, please PM me about it and I will respond as quickly as I can.  


Last wrote:((Camo just likes to kill happiness.))

Well spank my flank and call me sexy!

Until next time, hugs and kisses.


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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Kippershy on Wed May 08, 2013 2:21 pm

U moar.

I'm fearing what stage I'm going through right now because I know the part of the story I'm in is essentially going to be the same idea for a while, which makes me guilty of the thing I complain about.

I just hope that I can do it in such a way where it doesn't feel like it's just dragging out to drag out kind've thing, ya know?
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by CamoBadger on Wed May 08, 2013 2:24 pm

That's not a bad thing for a story. The first 14 chapters of mine was all the same thing:
Fetch Quest

For big stories like this it's common for long stretches to follow the same idea, hell most books follow one idea the entire time.
Lord of the Rings: Throw this ring into a volcano.
The Hobbit: Go kill that dragon.
Harry Potter: Whatever the current book is titled.

Sure there is a bunch of stuff in the middle to make it interesting, but stories all follow one big thing most of the time. Don't be worried about it in your own writing Twilight Sparkle

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If you have a complaint of any kind, a question or a suggestion, please PM me about it and I will respond as quickly as I can.  


Last wrote:((Camo just likes to kill happiness.))

Well spank my flank and call me sexy!

Until next time, hugs and kisses.


 ~Miguel
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Kippershy on Wed May 08, 2013 4:08 pm

Oh., Camo -- just noticed.
In your first commentary, did you mean you don't think he kissed her to get her to sleep? Or are you saying you think he did do it for that?
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by CamoBadger on Wed May 08, 2013 4:14 pm

Kippershy wrote:Oh., Camo -- just noticed.
In your first commentary, did you mean you don't think he kissed her to get her to sleep? Or are you saying you think he did do it for that?
I do think he did it for that, at least mostly (we've seen that he does have at least some feelings for her beyond friendship).

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If you have a complaint of any kind, a question or a suggestion, please PM me about it and I will respond as quickly as I can.  


Last wrote:((Camo just likes to kill happiness.))

Well spank my flank and call me sexy!

Until next time, hugs and kisses.


 ~Miguel
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Ketchup on Wed May 08, 2013 5:09 pm

It's been a good while since the last chapter, or it at least feels like it, and my memory seems to be deteriorating as time goes by, but I'll see what I can remember. Apologies in advance.
Spoiler:

I do remember them settling in for some cuddles. I can never say I don't like that kind of affection in the setting, gives some variety and general sweetness to it, I find.

Tsunami and Shockwave were part of the TMG team dispatched to the area, IIRC. But I dunno.
Also, gotta love how everyone makes assumptions.

Dat positioning... Awk...

The fragility of Eos' psyche is rather interesting.

Just great, she doesn't remember. Whoopee.

Yeah, I totally remember who Neon is!No I don't. Damn it.

I do remember an attack that occurred recently in the story, though not many that could have injured Titan badly.

Just looking for trouble, as usual, Crimson. Sigh.

A bunker is a bunker, of course they'd have similarities in design.

Yes, the water talisman, the thing you really should be more concerned about than you actually are.

-Communal shower.
-Eos.
Snrk.

"Uh, usually I'm called mister Wings."
'Mister Wings'.

This scene reminds me a lot of something my RP character ended up doing once.
This one is a bit less awkward for Crimson than it was for Quiver, though.

I'd imagine any wing-using pony that actually groomed themselves would know how to do it and make it feel at least moderately good. Eos seems like the type to preen her sisters' wings, too, if I interpret the character correctly.

Wet manes are funny. They just are.

Turns out that assumption about Eos was right.

I'd imagine shampoo would be rather rare. Not something most ponies would save in an apocalypse intentionally, anyway.

"My mane goes poofy..."
Heh, I laughed at little at that and how concerned he was with that.

Thought occurs now: where does the water come from for the base? Water talismans are basically the only way to get pure water, and his PipBuck isn't clicking.

Crimson Wings, being unique, all FO:E protagonists are in a way. A gimmick.
Pfft, Admiral Pip.

...
Well that escalated quickly.

Heroes always inflict collateral damage, it's in the job description.

"...damn those alicorns had some nice flanks."
Dammit Crimson. Behave.
Though you can't blame someone for just thinking.

That's an odd way for Tsunami to greet him.

Good ol' irons, who needs scopes?

No need for overkill? Crimson, what kind of heresy is this?

Maybe Neon is that quisling captain I remember. Still not sure. Damned memory.

Not unexpected reaction to the conditions in Slumside, live a privileged life and you'll never know the same sort of hardships.

"Surely the Coalition couldn't simply go around killing ponies for wearing green without some kind of reasoning behind it."
Reminds me of The Green Hornet.

Tsunami, you're too moral and idealistic. The wasteland will wrench it from you yet.

Crimson, trouble doesn't find you, you find it and seek it like a Sidewinder.

I suppose Crimson's new entourage will change combat more towards curbstompy. Justifiably, but I don't think TMG members would be too battle-hardened per se.

'With grace I made my way over to the pony who held the back of his head tightly, writing in pain from the punishment."
'writhing'

I don't like that he killed him, it doesn't leave a message like a heavily wounded soldier does.
And where are this guy's buddies? It was mentioned to be a patrol, not a lone patrolpony.

Crimson, you so careless. They do have a chip to use against you, even if friendly captain guy is in charge of her detention.

Crimson repeatedly makes these little speeches that harming Cherry will get the harmer dead, and how she's the most important thing in the world and all that good jazz. He does it almost too often, I find.

Love is a fickle thing.

Heh, they really should stop wasting time, shouldn't they?

Oh dear, what's the zebra doing...

I'm not fond of the 'Executioner' label. Sounds too grandiose. But Crimson is like that.

Hero worship? Really?

"Well, sort've. "
'Sort of.' There's no conjunction for sort of aside from the informal 'sorta'.

Oh, Neon is that badass ninja fellow. Good to see him again.

" You don't mess with us, you don't die. "
Pfft, nice boast, but you're wearing a Mauve Shirt.

"|He doesn't want caps?"
That vertical bar doesn't belong there.

Ermagerd, berks.
Orphans, orphans everywhere. Wasteland is sucky.

Crimson is very genre-savvy for a Stable pony, even if he has had much more outside contact than most.

A simple task, naturally...

Stables should be an enigma to most. Or an opportunity.

"Gimmie yo' muny!"
U wot, M8?

"S.A.T's"
SATS or S.A.T.S. are typically used. That's a possessive applied to S.A.T.
This error occurs again.

"Xanders expression turned from anger to sudden fright, realising I hadn't been wrong."
Xander's.

Reinforcements, naturally.

Given that Crimson's armour isn't heavy enough to slow him down in combat, there's little doubt that it's going to be completely proof to quite a few things.

Pump some drugs to get back in that fight! Wisdom!

That's a very situational perk to give as a level-up.
Chapter was quite good.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Kippershy on Thu May 09, 2013 4:47 pm

Ketchup wrote:It's been a good while since the last chapter, or it at least feels like it, and my memory seems to be deteriorating as time goes by, but I'll see what I can remember. Apologies in advance.
Spoiler:

I do remember them settling in for some cuddles. I can never say I don't like that kind of affection in the setting, gives some variety and general sweetness to it, I find.

Tsunami and Shockwave were part of the TMG team dispatched to the area, IIRC. But I dunno.
Also, gotta love how everyone makes assumptions.

Dat positioning... Awk...

The fragility of Eos' psyche is rather interesting.

Just great, she doesn't remember. Whoopee.

Yeah, I totally remember who Neon is!No I don't. Damn it.

I do remember an attack that occurred recently in the story, though not many that could have injured Titan badly.

Just looking for trouble, as usual, Crimson. Sigh.

A bunker is a bunker, of course they'd have similarities in design.

Yes, the water talisman, the thing you really should be more concerned about than you actually are.

-Communal shower.
-Eos.
Snrk.

"Uh, usually I'm called mister Wings."
'Mister Wings'.

This scene reminds me a lot of something my RP character ended up doing once.
This one is a bit less awkward for Crimson than it was for Quiver, though.

I'd imagine any wing-using pony that actually groomed themselves would know how to do it and make it feel at least moderately good. Eos seems like the type to preen her sisters' wings, too, if I interpret the character correctly.

Wet manes are funny. They just are.

Turns out that assumption about Eos was right.

I'd imagine shampoo would be rather rare. Not something most ponies would save in an apocalypse intentionally, anyway.

"My mane goes poofy..."
Heh, I laughed at little at that and how concerned he was with that.

Thought occurs now: where does the water come from for the base? Water talismans are basically the only way to get pure water, and his PipBuck isn't clicking.

Crimson Wings, being unique, all FO:E protagonists are in a way. A gimmick.
Pfft, Admiral Pip.

...
Well that escalated quickly.

Heroes always inflict collateral damage, it's in the job description.

"...damn those alicorns had some nice flanks."
Dammit Crimson. Behave.
Though you can't blame someone for just thinking.

That's an odd way for Tsunami to greet him.

Good ol' irons, who needs scopes?

No need for overkill? Crimson, what kind of heresy is this?

Maybe Neon is that quisling captain I remember. Still not sure. Damned memory.

Not unexpected reaction to the conditions in Slumside, live a privileged life and you'll never know the same sort of hardships.

"Surely the Coalition couldn't simply go around killing ponies for wearing green without some kind of reasoning behind it."
Reminds me of The Green Hornet.

Tsunami, you're too moral and idealistic. The wasteland will wrench it from you yet.

Crimson, trouble doesn't find you, you find it and seek it like a Sidewinder.

I suppose Crimson's new entourage will change combat more towards curbstompy. Justifiably, but I don't think TMG members would be too battle-hardened per se.

'With grace I made my way over to the pony who held the back of his head tightly, writing in pain from the punishment."
'writhing'

I don't like that he killed him, it doesn't leave a message like a heavily wounded soldier does.
And where are this guy's buddies? It was mentioned to be a patrol, not a lone patrolpony.

Crimson, you so careless. They do have a chip to use against you, even if friendly captain guy is in charge of her detention.

Crimson repeatedly makes these little speeches that harming Cherry will get the harmer dead, and how she's the most important thing in the world and all that good jazz. He does it almost too often, I find.

Love is a fickle thing.

Heh, they really should stop wasting time, shouldn't they?

Oh dear, what's the zebra doing...

I'm not fond of the 'Executioner' label. Sounds too grandiose. But Crimson is like that.

Hero worship? Really?

"Well, sort've. "
'Sort of.' There's no conjunction for sort of aside from the informal 'sorta'.

Oh, Neon is that badass ninja fellow. Good to see him again.

" You don't mess with us, you don't die. "
Pfft, nice boast, but you're wearing a Mauve Shirt.

"|He doesn't want caps?"
That vertical bar doesn't belong there.

Ermagerd, berks.
Orphans, orphans everywhere. Wasteland is sucky.

Crimson is very genre-savvy for a Stable pony, even if he has had much more outside contact than most.

A simple task, naturally...

Stables should be an enigma to most. Or an opportunity.

"Gimmie yo' muny!"
U wot, M8?

"S.A.T's"
SATS or S.A.T.S. are typically used. That's a possessive applied to S.A.T.
This error occurs again.

"Xanders expression turned from anger to sudden fright, realising I hadn't been wrong."
Xander's.

Reinforcements, naturally.

Given that Crimson's armour isn't heavy enough to slow him down in combat, there's little doubt that it's going to be completely proof to quite a few things.

Pump some drugs to get back in that fight! Wisdom!

That's a very situational perk to give as a level-up.
Chapter was quite good.

Sorry for not replying for so long. Got caught up in other things and forgot to. Bad me, I know.
Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter and thank you very much for the errors you spotted.

Now, onto the points.

Spoiler:
Exactly what I plan for. I don't want this to be 'HUUR DUUR DARK FOR DARK' all of the time.
Yes there are moments where I've done this, but I also want to show how Fallout Equestria can have those sweet, softer moments too if you'd just consider them.

Yeah, they're part of the Spec Ops.
And also, yeah, assumptions galore! LOL.
Seriously though, that's just like real life.

Awk? I'd say hilarious. I'm so evil, lol.

Glad you agree.

Drunks eh?

Don't worry about Neon, he's not had much spotlight as of yet.

The damage he sustained while needing rescue is sill taking its toll on him.

*waves a hoof at you* He knows, he knows. He just gotta play ball to get what he wants, ya dig?

Crimson will be Crimson.

Yeah, Crimson can groom himself and make it nice enough, but there's nothing quite like having someone else do it all for you, is there?
The relaxing feeling of just giving into them and letting them take care of you is relaxing and very soothing for the soul. Also a touch of intimacy makes it exciting.
So that's why it's different for him than doing it himself.
And yes, Eos does do her sisters wings for them, and they do it in return for her.

Rare? Yes, probably. Impossible to find? Hell no. Coltchester is a city with a lot of scavving activity and I can see the alicorns having their guilty little pleasure and buying shampoos and bodywash to look/smell nice.

Yes, it's a water talisman feeding the showers. No, Crimson isn't going to just demand their water talisman. I know I haven't written it in stone by adding it canon but there's an unspoken agreement between Crimson and Titan that they need the water talisman they have and Titan will lead him to a different one.

I wanted to give Maisy a break, didn't want her making every single encounter too easy, ya know? So yeah, put her off to the side for a time and class it as overkill prevention.

Most of the TMG aren't battle hardened, no. In fact, at least 75% of them haven't seen serious combat outside of small raider skirmishes. Definitely nothing more than small groups of 5 - 6 while they range in the 20+.
However, SpecOp's HAVE all seen proper combat.
...Tsunami just wasn't ready for such debauchery.

Noted on the speeches.

Crimson is big and flashy. The title is big and flashy. Suits him perfect, if you ask me.

Hero worship because when you live in a city where every day is shit and your parents are dead, when you live in a world that's destroyed with little hope... when someone comes along out of the blue and starts kicking ass, why not make them your hero?
Crimson came as a sudden ray of light, a chance to fight back and kickstart the revolution.
He is a hero to more than one or two, even if he doesn't know it yet.

The sort've is based on my actual spoken language, and because of that, when used in dialogue it is acceptable.
Because yes, I don't actually say "sort of" I say "sort've" which sounds more like "sort'v"

I don't get the whole Mauve Shirt thing. I'll check TVT.

He is indeed genre savvy. It's something I've always wanted for him. I just hope it isn't a bad thing for you.

Situational? Yeah. Out of place? Not really.
Fallout games have had a lot of situational perks, this one is just a little more specific than usual is all.
Think of it more as learning a new medicine technique like when you unlock more craft recipes on a level up perk.

Tired, so very tired. So if there's anything I missed or you want me to reply about, focus on, let me know and I'll reply when I can.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Ketchup on Thu May 09, 2013 5:56 pm

I'm sorry, there's more that looks like complaining in this post than most previous ones. More likely due to my less than ideal mood. Keep in mind, I did enjoy the chapter.
Spoiler:
Exactly what I plan for. I don't want this to be 'HUUR DUUR DARK FOR DARK' all of the time.
Yes there are moments where I've done this, but I also want to show how Fallout Equestria can have those sweet, softer moments too if you'd just consider them.
I've noted that most affection in Fo:E stories is simply sex and not much else. As mentioned, a little variety is nice.
And also, yeah, assumptions galore! LOL.
Seriously though, that's just like real life.
Of course, many things give connotations that may or may not be true.
Rare? Yes, probably. Impossible to find? Hell no. Coltchester is a city with a lot of scavving activity and I can see the alicorns having their guilty little pleasure and buying shampoos and bodywash to look/smell nice.
I'd guess that alicorns would come in all sorts of flavors.
Not specifically related to this, but you've mentioned that Coltchester is a lot of things, such things that I would definitely make it more notable than not at all, as it is in original story canon. This is essentially necessary for recursive fanfics, however.
Not a specific complaint, just saying.
I wanted to give Maisy a break, didn't want her making every single encounter too easy, ya know? So yeah, put her off to the side for a time and class it as overkill prevention.
It kinda defeats the purpose when you send in a bunch of SF troops anyway.
I'm just griping, as I'm not much of a fan of that, truth be told.
Most of the TMG aren't battle hardened, no. In fact, at least 75% of them haven't seen serious combat outside of small raider skirmishes. Definitely nothing more than small groups of 5 - 6 while they range in the 20+.
However, SpecOp's HAVE all seen proper combat.
I'm sorry, I just have trouble wrapping my head around what is essentially a town guard having special forces with experience to match. I'm probably underestimating the level of conflict that you have in mind that they face regularly.
Noted on the speeches.
I think it's at least one every 2-3 chapters, which is really a bit much. But as mentioned, my memory is godawful and selective.
Crimson is big and flashy. The title is big and flashy. Suits him perfect, if you ask me.
Which is part of the reason I don't like Crimson much. I'm definitely looking forward to more Cherry, the lack of which was the only disappointment in the chapter.
Hero worship because when you live in a city where every day is shit and your parents are dead, when you live in a world that's destroyed with little hope... when someone comes along out of the blue and starts kicking ass, why not make them your hero?
Crimson came as a sudden ray of light, a chance to fight back and kickstart the revolution.
He is a hero to more than one or two, even if he doesn't know it yet.
It just seems that his title and news of his actually rather mundane deeds spread very quickly. Coltchester may be smaller than I think it is.
It's just a perspective thing. And I am well aware, the original and several other sidefics make use of PON-3 to spread news in a wider, but usually less effective, manner.
I don't get the whole Mauve Shirt thing. I'll check TVT.
A redshirt with characterization.
It just seems that since you pumped a whole bunch of comparatively elite fighters into the story in such a short period of time, it's way too much of an advantage to keep forever, lest the story become boring.
He is indeed genre savvy. It's something I've always wanted for him. I just hope it isn't a bad thing for you.
It's not necessarily a bad thing, I just think that he knows a bit too much for his background. But of course, there's an explanation behind that.
Situational? Yeah. Out of place? Not really.
Fallout games have had a lot of situational perks, this one is just a little more specific than usual is all.
Think of it more as learning a new medicine technique like when you unlock more craft recipes on a level up perk.
The whole perks in the footnotes was a joke, since they literally mean nothing storywise and craft perks are easy to just assume they have anyway from learning the recipe. But thinking like you would when actually playing a Fallout game, that's like, the most useless perk ever compared to most others.
And by the way, if you ever want an extra opinion on anything, I'm never busy. I enjoy helping others, it's very gratifying.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Kippershy on Sat May 11, 2013 8:58 am

Ketchup wrote:I'm sorry, there's more that looks like complaining in this post than most previous ones. More likely due to my less than ideal mood. Keep in mind, I did enjoy the chapter.
Spoiler:
Exactly what I plan for. I don't want this to be 'HUUR DUUR DARK FOR DARK' all of the time.
Yes there are moments where I've done this, but I also want to show how Fallout Equestria can have those sweet, softer moments too if you'd just consider them.
I've noted that most affection in Fo:E stories is simply sex and not much else. As mentioned, a little variety is nice.
And also, yeah, assumptions galore! LOL.
Seriously though, that's just like real life.
Of course, many things give connotations that may or may not be true.
Rare? Yes, probably. Impossible to find? Hell no. Coltchester is a city with a lot of scavving activity and I can see the alicorns having their guilty little pleasure and buying shampoos and bodywash to look/smell nice.
I'd guess that alicorns would come in all sorts of flavors.
Not specifically related to this, but you've mentioned that Coltchester is a lot of things, such things that I would definitely make it more notable than not at all, as it is in original story canon. This is essentially necessary for recursive fanfics, however.
Not a specific complaint, just saying.
I wanted to give Maisy a break, didn't want her making every single encounter too easy, ya know? So yeah, put her off to the side for a time and class it as overkill prevention.
It kinda defeats the purpose when you send in a bunch of SF troops anyway.
I'm just griping, as I'm not much of a fan of that, truth be told.
Most of the TMG aren't battle hardened, no. In fact, at least 75% of them haven't seen serious combat outside of small raider skirmishes. Definitely nothing more than small groups of 5 - 6 while they range in the 20+.
However, SpecOp's HAVE all seen proper combat.
I'm sorry, I just have trouble wrapping my head around what is essentially a town guard having special forces with experience to match. I'm probably underestimating the level of conflict that you have in mind that they face regularly.
Noted on the speeches.
I think it's at least one every 2-3 chapters, which is really a bit much. But as mentioned, my memory is godawful and selective.
Crimson is big and flashy. The title is big and flashy. Suits him perfect, if you ask me.
Which is part of the reason I don't like Crimson much. I'm definitely looking forward to more Cherry, the lack of which was the only disappointment in the chapter.
Hero worship because when you live in a city where every day is shit and your parents are dead, when you live in a world that's destroyed with little hope... when someone comes along out of the blue and starts kicking ass, why not make them your hero?
Crimson came as a sudden ray of light, a chance to fight back and kickstart the revolution.
He is a hero to more than one or two, even if he doesn't know it yet.
It just seems that his title and news of his actually rather mundane deeds spread very quickly. Coltchester may be smaller than I think it is.
It's just a perspective thing. And I am well aware, the original and several other sidefics make use of PON-3 to spread news in a wider, but usually less effective, manner.
I don't get the whole Mauve Shirt thing. I'll check TVT.
A redshirt with characterization.
It just seems that since you pumped a whole bunch of comparatively elite fighters into the story in such a short period of time, it's way too much of an advantage to keep forever, lest the story become boring.
He is indeed genre savvy. It's something I've always wanted for him. I just hope it isn't a bad thing for you.
It's not necessarily a bad thing, I just think that he knows a bit too much for his background. But of course, there's an explanation behind that.
Situational? Yeah. Out of place? Not really.
Fallout games have had a lot of situational perks, this one is just a little more specific than usual is all.
Think of it more as learning a new medicine technique like when you unlock more craft recipes on a level up perk.
The whole perks in the footnotes was a joke, since they literally mean nothing storywise and craft perks are easy to just assume they have anyway from learning the recipe. But thinking like you would when actually playing a Fallout game, that's like, the most useless perk ever compared to most others.
And by the way, if you ever want an extra opinion on anything, I'm never busy. I enjoy helping others, it's very gratifying.

Never feel the need to be sorry, I need to hear criticism just as much as praise if I'm going to make this a good story.
Your criticism has never been "It's shit, end of." - it's always had reasoning. So yeah, thank you.

Now, onto the replies which I've left for so long.

Spoiler:

Yeah, that's a trend I noticed also. LittlepipxHomage had no actual affection, just sex. At the time I wanted something to hold onto, so I thought it was sweet. Now I'm much more balanced and fixed my issues, so looking back on it I see the flaws of it and wonder how the hell.
I mean, I do still like Homage as a character, but their relationship could've been so much more, especially given Homage's secret job of being the DJ.
Same goes for Blackjack and Glory. So much missed potential where their relationship has never really seen much development aside from a kiss here and there and then sex.
Nothing else, just a few kisses then sex then problems and more sex.

Once Cherry is back into the party, I damn well WILL have a chapter where Crimson and Cherry just spend time bonding, fuck the mission - both of them. They'll have a day out in Coltchester and maybe even the surrounding area.
I want to have their relationship feel like it could be real life. That's my only issue with this being FOE, makes it hard for me to justify them breaking away from everything just to spend time together, but I will do it once she's back.


I know I've been cheeky with telling you what Coltchester is and isn't. I know I should've put it in the fic directly, and I promise I will some time soon. Perhaps next chapter, perhaps the chapter after. For right now though, I'll tell you this:
Coltchester is primarily a city based around the military. It's Equestria's southern HQ for military activity, in my canon. Canterlot of course is the overall HQ for all the military but just like in real life, you've got different HQ's for different regions - much like... Fort Knoxx Army Base for example. That's a HQ for the region, but there's an even bigger HQ (Cheyenne?) for the overall layout. Get what I mean?
Anyway - Coltchester IS a big military presence but at the same time, it's also a civilian one.
There would have been domestic districts as well as military ones. There's also a small farming and mining district, the former being out on the outskirts while the latter is next to the industrial district.

The industrial district is pretty much basic city stuff. Nothing super special about it, just some normal manufacturing plants as well as some arms manufactures and robotics plants too, but again, nothing special about them.

Coltchester is meant to be somewhat like the Hoof in a sense... just a lot toned down. There's no deep dark mysteries but...
spoiler spoiler, as in, a proper spoiler:
The P.L.A.C HQ is located in is the one and only place in Coltchester where any kind of mystery type thing happens. Project Iron Giant, the predecessor of Steelpony (because if Somber can do stuff like that, what rule is there against others doing it?) which was a one time thing to see if the idea worked... anyway, past that, no top secret facilities with uber advanced technologies)

Anyway, yeah. Coltchester has a large military presence but that's not all it is. It isn't some super secret base of hundreds of top research facilities, but it does have that one facility that was mostly a mundane underground hospital bunker but also served use as a one time facility for the operation.

So yes, the city is a lot, and I have failed everyone by not touching on what is and isn't properly in the story yet, but I promise I will. With the next chapter, I'll have time to give Crimson a break from the front after his new wound and so I'll use that to get some more backstory and interaction into the whole thing, meaning I'll set out what Coltchester is and isn't once and for all.

I hope you don't take this as me trying to backpedal or prove you wrong or be defensive in any way. I'm seeing you've got an extremely valid concern and I do appreciate it, I just know what I have in my head regarding it all nullifies these feelings (hopefully) but that doesn't excuse not having expressed that in the fic.

As for Coltchester being a major location yet not mentioned in the original fic... well, yeah, in terms of original canon it would be strange to never get a mention if it's as important as it likes to pretend, but that's life for you.
I would never dream of asking Kkat to make Coltchester canon even in a sequel or follow up fic, so it's just one of those expanded universe situations where you gotta either take it with a pinch of salt and deal with different authors having different visions to the universe or say you only want to consider the original to be any bit canon and ignore any others that mess with it in the slightest.
Again, not trying to sound hostile, just me saying it's one of those things.


The reason for taking away Maisy while adding the S.F is, to me, logical.
If I keep Maisy and the S.F, I then have a fighting force that renders Crimson useless. There would be next to no challenge as he could simply step back and command the fight from the sidelines, which while it may not be his style, would be the smart thing to do.
If I tell the S.F to hold out for this one, they'd tell Crimson to fuck off and that the very reason they came out was to keep him safe. They wouldn't be wanting to waste their time going out all that way only to be told they've gotta sit indoors while Crimson goes out and gets shot up.

I will mix and match the S.F with Maisy, but for patrols by Crimson? Taking everyone out at once would simply make the combat too easy.
Still, your opinion is again, valid and I can't argue with that. I'm just explaining my thoughts here.


I know this hasn't been explained in the fic properly, but in the setting discussion thread, I do expand on it when it comes to the TMG. They're mercenaries, they're paid by other settlements to do mercenary work from time to time. Guarding F.R isn't their only job, otherwise their town would be a lot smaller in size and population.
TMG are known in the south-east for being able to get shit done, but only when getting shit done doesn't wipe out an innocent settlement that is just getting by as peacefully as they can.


Sorry you don't enjoy Crimson too much. I like the way I've made him so that's why he's like that. Again, you're not wrong in your opinions, just me saying why it is that way.


Mundane to a FOE fic? Definitely.
Mundane to a city where rebels are sparsely active? Hell naw. In Coltchester, there's a lot of dissent but not a lot of action. Crimson is the powder-keg that sets it all off.
Sure, the DZCoaliton has made their "midnight raids" on dissenters who spoke publicly from time to time, but never did they go as far as feeling a need to massacre people to make their point.
They've been assholes for a long time. Crimson came along, saw that they were doing something bad and decided to kick up some shit over it all.
No outsider has simply walked on in and fucked shit up before.
Doesn't matter if he didn't kill many, or if he needed rescue. He marked the beginning of when people would change from idly waiting around for the right moment to strike, to the moment they do.

Crimson's actions may have seemed mundane to you, but if you were living under oppression and suddenly someone came along and stirred shit up, you'd hear of it and fast. The other thing is they're all living in a single district pretty much. There's a few other districts, but they're all living and communicating in one single, concentrated area.
News of anything happening in that area would spread quickly.


Someone has a keen eye for tropes.
Again, sorry if I seem defensive at any point. I really don't mean to tell you that you're wrong. I just have all these ideas in my head and I've either failed to explain them properly, completely forgotten to do so yet or they come out of the woodwork in time and are yet to be released.
You make very good points and I'm glad you do, as any and all criticism that carries a clear point is something I can consider and work with to improve, especially this early on.

I know Camo said at the end of his latest chapter that he would consider that point to be the end of "a book/volume" as it were, and I would call chapter 11 the end of my first volume, so yeah, I'd still class it as 'early on' for this volume anyway... or I think so anyway.


Anyway, thank you as always!
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Ketchup on Sat May 11, 2013 7:49 pm

Kippershy wrote:
Never feel the need to be sorry, I need to hear criticism just as much as praise if I'm going to make this a good story.
Your criticism has never been "It's shit, end of." - it's always had reasoning. So yeah, thank you.

Now, onto the replies which I've left for so long.
Spoiler:

Yeah, that's a trend I noticed also. LittlepipxHomage had no actual affection, just sex. At the time I wanted something to hold onto, so I thought it was sweet. Now I'm much more balanced and fixed my issues, so looking back on it I see the flaws of it and wonder how the hell.
I mean, I do still like Homage as a character, but their relationship could've been so much more, especially given Homage's secret job of being the DJ.
Same goes for Blackjack and Glory. So much missed potential where their relationship has never really seen much development aside from a kiss here and there and then sex.
Nothing else, just a few kisses then sex then problems and more sex.

Once Cherry is back into the party, I damn well WILL have a chapter where Crimson and Cherry just spend time bonding, fuck the mission - both of them. They'll have a day out in Coltchester and maybe even the surrounding area.
I want to have their relationship feel like it could be real life. That's my only issue with this being FOE, makes it hard for me to justify them breaking away from everything just to spend time together, but I will do it once she's back.


I know I've been cheeky with telling you what Coltchester is and isn't. I know I should've put it in the fic directly, and I promise I will some time soon. Perhaps next chapter, perhaps the chapter after. For right now though, I'll tell you this:
Coltchester is primarily a city based around the military. It's Equestria's southern HQ for military activity, in my canon. Canterlot of course is the overall HQ for all the military but just like in real life, you've got different HQ's for different regions - much like... Fort Knoxx Army Base for example. That's a HQ for the region, but there's an even bigger HQ (Cheyenne?) for the overall layout. Get what I mean?
Anyway - Coltchester IS a big military presence but at the same time, it's also a civilian one.
There would have been domestic districts as well as military ones. There's also a small farming and mining district, the former being out on the outskirts while the latter is next to the industrial district.

The industrial district is pretty much basic city stuff. Nothing super special about it, just some normal manufacturing plants as well as some arms manufactures and robotics plants too, but again, nothing special about them.

Coltchester is meant to be somewhat like the Hoof in a sense... just a lot toned down. There's no deep dark mysteries but...
spoiler spoiler, as in, a proper spoiler:
The P.L.A.C HQ is located in is the one and only place in Coltchester where any kind of mystery type thing happens. Project Iron Giant, the predecessor of Steelpony (because if Somber can do stuff like that, what rule is there against others doing it?) which was a one time thing to see if the idea worked... anyway, past that, no top secret facilities with uber advanced technologies)

Anyway, yeah. Coltchester has a large military presence but that's not all it is. It isn't some super secret base of hundreds of top research facilities, but it does have that one facility that was mostly a mundane underground hospital bunker but also served use as a one time facility for the operation.

So yes, the city is a lot, and I have failed everyone by not touching on what is and isn't properly in the story yet, but I promise I will. With the next chapter, I'll have time to give Crimson a break from the front after his new wound and so I'll use that to get some more backstory and interaction into the whole thing, meaning I'll set out what Coltchester is and isn't once and for all.

I hope you don't take this as me trying to backpedal or prove you wrong or be defensive in any way. I'm seeing you've got an extremely valid concern and I do appreciate it, I just know what I have in my head regarding it all nullifies these feelings (hopefully) but that doesn't excuse not having expressed that in the fic.

As for Coltchester being a major location yet not mentioned in the original fic... well, yeah, in terms of original canon it would be strange to never get a mention if it's as important as it likes to pretend, but that's life for you.
I would never dream of asking Kkat to make Coltchester canon even in a sequel or follow up fic, so it's just one of those expanded universe situations where you gotta either take it with a pinch of salt and deal with different authors having different visions to the universe or say you only want to consider the original to be any bit canon and ignore any others that mess with it in the slightest.
Again, not trying to sound hostile, just me saying it's one of those things.


The reason for taking away Maisy while adding the S.F is, to me, logical.
If I keep Maisy and the S.F, I then have a fighting force that renders Crimson useless. There would be next to no challenge as he could simply step back and command the fight from the sidelines, which while it may not be his style, would be the smart thing to do.
If I tell the S.F to hold out for this one, they'd tell Crimson to fuck off and that the very reason they came out was to keep him safe. They wouldn't be wanting to waste their time going out all that way only to be told they've gotta sit indoors while Crimson goes out and gets shot up.

I will mix and match the S.F with Maisy, but for patrols by Crimson? Taking everyone out at once would simply make the combat too easy.
Still, your opinion is again, valid and I can't argue with that. I'm just explaining my thoughts here.


I know this hasn't been explained in the fic properly, but in the setting discussion thread, I do expand on it when it comes to the TMG. They're mercenaries, they're paid by other settlements to do mercenary work from time to time. Guarding F.R isn't their only job, otherwise their town would be a lot smaller in size and population.
TMG are known in the south-east for being able to get shit done, but only when getting shit done doesn't wipe out an innocent settlement that is just getting by as peacefully as they can.


Sorry you don't enjoy Crimson too much. I like the way I've made him so that's why he's like that. Again, you're not wrong in your opinions, just me saying why it is that way.


Mundane to a FOE fic? Definitely.
Mundane to a city where rebels are sparsely active? Hell naw. In Coltchester, there's a lot of dissent but not a lot of action. Crimson is the powder-keg that sets it all off.
Sure, the DZCoaliton has made their "midnight raids" on dissenters who spoke publicly from time to time, but never did they go as far as feeling a need to massacre people to make their point.
They've been assholes for a long time. Crimson came along, saw that they were doing something bad and decided to kick up some shit over it all.
No outsider has simply walked on in and fucked shit up before.
Doesn't matter if he didn't kill many, or if he needed rescue. He marked the beginning of when people would change from idly waiting around for the right moment to strike, to the moment they do.

Crimson's actions may have seemed mundane to you, but if you were living under oppression and suddenly someone came along and stirred shit up, you'd hear of it and fast. The other thing is they're all living in a single district pretty much. There's a few other districts, but they're all living and communicating in one single, concentrated area.
News of anything happening in that area would spread quickly.

Someone has a keen eye for tropes.
Again, sorry if I seem defensive at any point. I really don't mean to tell you that you're wrong. I just have all these ideas in my head and I've either failed to explain them properly, completely forgotten to do so yet or they come out of the woodwork in time and are yet to be released.
You make very good points and I'm glad you do, as any and all criticism that carries a clear point is something I can consider and work with to improve, especially this early on.
I say sorry a lot, it's just a part of my personality that apparently fits well with the stereotypical Canadian. I don't like offending people or making people unhappy.
How that contributes to why I say sorry all the time isn't completely clear to me.
I also greatly dislike complaining. I don't mind when others do it but making complaints is hard for me.
Spoiler:
I'm curious how it could be possible in terms of urgency for them to just relax for a day. They have a mission that they need to do, as soon as possible.
But we'll see.

Again, incorporating non-canon elements in important roles is inevitable, it's just how it is. It's a minor problem that most recursive fics have, unless the integration is done really well.

Another thing I've noticed, everything is super-contained and organized to such a degree that it's kind of unbelievable. Everything is divided into district this, sector that. Four Ridges is a super-example, totally dependant on one another for things they cannot do.
Whole cities aren't organized like military bases, it's impractical.

From what you've said, the fights are going to continue being too easy in my eyes. Always have been to an extent, Cherry starting out with an AMR and the acquisition of Maisy early on contributed, for example.
The story isn't about the fighting. It's not a big issue, and I cannot tell you how to fix it.
I am not asking you to fix it. Don't worry about it, nobody else seems to feel that way.

Try to avoid an exposition dump with explaining the TMG situation, as a lengthy discussion doesn't seem likely and excessive thoughts on things that aren't important detract from a story.

I've already said pretty much all I have to say about Crimson being the benevolent saviour of Coltchester.
To be clear, I don't like Crimson as much as I used to. That doesn't mean I don't enjoy the fic.

And yes, TVT has ruined everything ever.
I don't really have much more to say, although this post took a good portion of a day to write up. The closest you get to being defensive there is "it makes sense to me", which is the basis for any and all opinions and is expected, as otherwise you wouldn't write it. Besides, it makes more sense to you as you are the writer.
Write what you want, and do not make big changes to make a certain reader pleased. That would be like if Somber suddenly killed off Boo because someone thinks she's useless.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Kippershy on Sun May 12, 2013 10:41 am

I know you say don't try to fix it, but I gotta ask.
How could I go about improving the combat?

I'm planning on making Crimson a lot less free moving and being forced to take cover a lot more often from now on, but is there anything else I can do?
I know of course losing members of the party would be another way and until now, there's not been any members that I can simply throw away just like that while actually with the group... but now there is, so the option is there.

Anything else?

Crimson's shotgun is quite powerful, but definitely not within AMR range of damage. Maisy by her very nature is powerful. Cherry is currently locked up and crippled, so her fighting prowess is severely limited (even if I did give her a little hand in her last fight to make sure she won) but the Spec Ops members haven't got any unique weapons so that's one step to less OP members, in a way.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Ketchup on Sun May 12, 2013 12:03 pm

Kippershy wrote:I know you say don't try to fix it, but I gotta ask.
How could I go about improving the combat?

I'm planning on making Crimson a lot less free moving and being forced to take cover a lot more often from now on, but is there anything else I can do?
I know of course losing members of the party would be another way and until now, there's not been any members that I can simply throw away just like that while actually with the group... but now there is, so the option is there.

Anything else?

Crimson's shotgun is quite powerful, but definitely not within AMR range of damage. Maisy by her very nature is powerful. Cherry is currently locked up and crippled, so her fighting prowess is severely limited (even if I did give her a little hand in her last fight to make sure she won) but the Spec Ops members haven't got any unique weapons so that's one step to less OP members, in a way.
As I said, I really cannot tell you how. There's what I said here, but much of it doesn't apply well.

So, yes he was wounded. He was also given a drug cocktail so that he can keep fighting. Any dislike I had of the fighting in that respect isn't an issue.

There are seven TMG SF troops with Crimson, 8 including Cherry, I cannot see how that equals 1 manticore.
No special weapons? One of them has a missile launcher, another, a minigun. Neither are unique but you balanced Titan's by having it cranked, IIRC. Throw in a missile launcher and other guns, that is a lot of firepower.

The only problem I see is that his allies are too numerous and powerful. Enough so that Crimson doesn't actually have to fight at all because they all have more experience and better weapons. With just Maisy around, she varies from gamebreaker to mildly effective, going on memory.

But, Camo sees no problems with it, don't worry about it.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Kippershy on Sun May 12, 2013 12:31 pm

Well good news is past this first time, I don't actually intend to take them all out at once every time.
Most times it'll be a case of "You two/three, come with me."

Titan's gun isn't hand cranked but it does take time to wind up.
Thing is, walking around with a missile launcher and minigun isn't exactly ideal for low key situations, and this first time was a show of force/show them around more than setting the standard.

Still, point taken.
I want to try and even this out as much as I can so I don't just appease one person while others are miffed. There's a lot of people who don't comment, but I have no doubt others would agree.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Kippershy on Sun May 12, 2013 12:34 pm

Oh, also, out of curiosity - any way to make Crimson more likeable?
Both you and Camo have stated he's been annoying at times, and while I know I again, can't please everyone, it'd be good to know what it is exactly that I could do to perhaps make him less annoying.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Ketchup on Sun May 12, 2013 12:59 pm

Kippershy wrote:Oh, also, out of curiosity - any way to make Crimson more likeable?
Both you and Camo have stated he's been annoying at times, and while I know I again, can't please everyone, it'd be good to know what it is exactly that I could do to perhaps make him less annoying.
Speaking broadly, I don't like grandiose people, or those who are pretentious. Crimson is a little bit of both, but it's an integral part of his personality.

Don't worry about it, my opinions on many things have changed recently. I started off not liking Seer, for instance, but by the latest chapter of ATR I was really starting to like the character, it made me rather sad. Things change.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Kippershy on Sun May 12, 2013 1:12 pm

Well that's okay then. Maybe you'll like him a little bit more in Wasteland Reborn, or whatever the fuck I end up calling it.
...It's either Wasteland Reborn or Consequence.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by CamoBadger on Mon May 13, 2013 2:47 pm

@Combat: I'm not good at combat sequences myself and don't write too many of them up myself, so I can't really give an opinion on how to improve there.

@Crimson's Character: Honestly you can't really change it. There are plenty of things I like about him, but it's in his character to be cocky and pretty impulsive (at least from what I've seen), so the things about him that tend to annoy me are just a part of who he is. It's not that I hate him as a character, but some of the things he does do annoy me pretty badly.

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Thanks if you read any of them.

If you have a complaint of any kind, a question or a suggestion, please PM me about it and I will respond as quickly as I can.  


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Until next time, hugs and kisses.


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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by swicked on Mon May 13, 2013 8:26 pm

Kippershy wrote:Oh, also, out of curiosity - any way to make Crimson more likeable?
Both you and Camo have stated he's been annoying at times, and while I know I again, can't please everyone, it'd be good to know what it is exactly that I could do to perhaps make him less annoying.
Have bad things happen to him as a result of his misbehavior. Also? Have him lose (not in battle or anything where he'd get hurt, but shown up by someone stronger or more clever than he is, make him eat some humble pie and etc.), and not to another main character.
While karma is a bad concept in the real world, in the literary one it can make up for a lot. It's the reader's way of getting revenge on an annoying character and can make someone you'd otherwise find intolerable a delight to read/watch.
Dan vs. is a decent example of this. He's a jerk, he creates his own problems, you laugh as he flails about. Not quite applicable to a story where the main character has to actually DO stuff, but hopefully still a decent example.

...unfortunately, I don't know the context of the actual complaints, here, so I dunno how to address their problems more specifically.

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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by swicked on Mon May 13, 2013 10:21 pm


Starting again slow, okay? Okay!


Now, what do I remember about this fic...
Crimson is a showboating horn dog that likes to punch old mares, Cherry is his special ops mff, Macy is their pet manticore who also has a thing for Crimson, Cherry also has a radbit whose whole family was brutally murdered by Crimson in an absolute slaughter and, if it's a she, will inevitably have a thing for Crimson despite this fact and they've got a baby they've left for Crimson's mom to raise like so many high school couples.
Of course, the baby is a mare, she will likely develop a thing for Crimson as well, which (since they're not related) will be okay, but hey, at least his mom's safe.
...probably.


Oh, and there was some form of plot. Something about alicorns and militarizing peaceful settlements...
I've lost it.


Gonna start anyway! Woo!

Broken Bonds Chapter 12 Swicked Review!:

"Please calm down! We're trying to help!"
"TRYING TO EAT ME!"
Hehehe, I had forgotten he'd developed necrophobia.
Ahem
'Tis a lie! Thine hindquarters remain ungobbled!
*snicker*


"Why can't I move Titan? What's going on!?"
Probably some form of satanic ritual. Certainly.


"I'll explain later, right now you need to clam down and not hurt the medical staff."
"You mean the ghoul."
"The nurse."
"Ghoul nurse."
Ghoul: Actually, I'm the witchdoctor.
*pulls out a shrunken head*
Ghoul: This is the nurse.
Head: Yo.


"Hey, when you've seen what I have, you have the right to be a bigot."
Nurse: Yeah, I was around when the bombs fell, so I'm willing to bet I've seen more than you'd see in three lifetimes, jerk.


...although, honestly, I doubt any of the ghouls aren't guilty of similar thoughts from time to time. Smoothies are... unpleasant.


What an interesting tale this had turned out to be already, all I wanted was a water talisman.
Ah, right. Water.
It's always water.


Eyeing him, I spoke slowly and cautiously. "How the hell did you know?"
Y’see, there's this thing called a poker face.
You don't have one.


It was obvious that they'd tried to keep the place clean, though both time and inability reduced its cleanliness with subtle brown stains in the corners. I could only hope those stains were dried in blood like I'd assumed and nothing else.
...like what? Poop?
You think they poop in the corners of their patients' rooms?
What in the heck could you imagine it'd be?!


"Why are you crying, Wingsy?
I don't remember that nickname at all.

" weakening the enemies infrastructure. " enemies'


If we're going to take down the D-Z-C, we're going to need to take their weapons from them and give them to ourselves.
Is that the zebra group referred to earlier?
...yes. Yes, it was. Pretty sure.


"Auh, let me finish. The top pony is a figurehead, a pony in charge to turn to in times of need, be it to blame or to seek deliverance. The middle is where the power is."
Depends on the structure.
One could argue if the goddesses or Caesar had died, their respective sides would fall apart into infighting. That's what happens when you take off the head.
Your uneducated assumption about a decentralized command structure is just that... uneducated.


"If you died, the uprising would still continue if it was the true desire of the pones. Perhaps it would be stunted, but a new leader would be found. Somepony would show the courage and qualities of leadership and they would be made the new leader. For as long as the need exists, it will be filled sooner or later."
Nothing truly strong can be defeated in a single blow. Like in martial arts or, really, any kind of fighting... the best strategy is to get your foe off-balance before swinging your killing blow.
Plus, even if the leader's a figurehead, it can be devastating from a propaganda point of view.
Do you honestly think Filly would survive Red Eye and Stern being killed in a single swoop? Yes, they'd eventually find a new, powerful leader... but the infighting would go on for years and progress would grind to a halt in the meantime.

"with an embrace only a pony as magnificently big as her could do." As she could do.


"I desire love and admiration. If that seems strange to you, so be it."
Yeah, no.
It's because it's Crimson, Titan.


"Goodnight."
I heard the nurse from earlier reply to me. "Seep well, Mr. Wings."
Crimson: ...have you been sitting there the entire time?
Nurse: Yes. I mean, I was nuked over two hundred years ago and not so much as a throb since then, but looking at you now... oh my.
Crimson: ...I miss thinking you just wanted to eat me.
Nurse: Who said I don’t? ;)

As much as I'd love to Crimson to get twice traumatized by ghouls... probably not a good idea :P
Oh, and "Seep"


I always assumed that if we took out the Caesar, the war would be won. That if Celestia and Luna were to fall, all would be lost."
If I recall correctly, the Caesar was the glue that held the tribes together. He was also the instigator of the war in the first place due to his unwillingness to seem weak.
More than likely, if he (and one or two backups) were removed from power, some of the tribes would have left the fight or tried to sue for peace.
Infighting, most assuredly. Not enough to win the war by itself, but enough of an advantage to have a chance.
If Celestia fell, though... she wasn't in power. The war would have intensified. If Luna fell, the war would intensify further, the ponies had a decentralized command structure via the six ministries, which were THEMSELVES decentralized. The loss of any given one of them would have made the others fight harder but, as stated in PH, if they all LEFT their positions... that would definitely cause enough chaos, doubt and negative propaganda for the zebra to potentially win.
...basically, to wrap-up, knowing HOW an organization is set up is critical to knowing how to take it down. There is never just one answer.


"We're going to be travelling with a compliment of scouts, for your protection somewhat and for generally speaking to the public.
The scouts are for generally speaking to the public? What?


">Please reactivate Project Iron Giant"
I love that movie.


Terrified mothers see them as monsters who they bow to in hopes of avoiding being hurt or worse. All the while, horrified fathers are left with no option but to join their ranks or ultimately support them in some other way, lest they wish to be those who live in West Slumside and fail their families.
...so, what, there’re no mares in their ranks?
You've also identified, here, that many of their ranks don't want to be a part of this. Will there be some effort to minimize casualties, then?


Or will you be just as monstrous?


As he spoke, my magic encased me in a stealth cloak, removing me from sight.
I forget, can everyone in special ops do that? I ask because Twilight couldn't figure it out herself and Trixie did due to her own specialty in general magic and illusion spells, so the spell's kinda a big deal. So much so that significant amounts of bits were put into developing not just the original stealth buck, but the stealth buck mark 2.
Not that it matters at this point; she has the spell, either way.


Really? Really? He was going to try and organize an uprising and new government like this? I facehooved.
Yeah, at least give us a layout of the place. Depending on the architecture it might be possible to bait them into an ambush and crossfire or try to infiltrate their ranks and take out some key targets prior to an open exchange.

"or make the everypony scatter." make everypony


"Sorry Titan, but some things just gotta be kept as they are."
Not okay! She just made a play that WILL be affecting their strategy and is keeping it under wraps despite the fact that the point of this meeting is to form a joint decision!


"Generally we go out, speak to the ponies topside. We find out what they need most and what's been happening."
"Uh huh, what else?"
"If we have the supplies? We do what we can. Otherwise we apologize and go to the next lot."
...I don't think so. Your supplies are important. Better to try and take some from the enemy, otherwise you're starving yourself before the main event.
An army marches on its stomach, after all.


"That's the wrong approach there, then. We're going to need to stick with the ponies, get them the supplies from the DZC and give it to the ponies."
Kay, so that's what they're doing! Yay!


"If we need to? Yes. You say your forces are strong at guerilla tactics? We ambush the enemy convoys as they move or we make hit and run on their stockpiles, keeping the method of attack and approach changed up each and every time if we can help it, because the moment we get lazy and follow through with the same method for the third time in a row is when they start to shore their defenses from that type of attack."
Depends on the method. Some means have no countermeasures.
I mean, IEDs are pretty much always effective.
I think I’m just splitting hairs here, though.


This pony was war material, leadership of a unit or perhaps even an army, but I couldn't imagine him leading a city.
...more than kinda two entirely different skill sets, there, Cherry :P

“Titans low voice”


Prince Snugglebums is a radbit."
Kay, so, the radbit is male.
Nevermind what I said at the start of this review...


...Prise. Angels of the sky? Gave birth to the princesses?
Kind of... nevermind, I don’t know.


...hmm. Another rape attempt.
...and, instead of moving quickly and taking them out silently, she screams at the top of her lungs.
But eh, she had a close call, as I recall.


"You're all alone now, bitch. No gun to use on me, what you gonna do?"
She was alone to begin with and your friend is dead because of it. Plus, she’s a unicorn, “no gun” is a very temporary state of being.


Once more the buck charged me and stamped his hooves into my chest, I doubled over in pain and he knocked me onto my front.
This guy is thoroughly undisciplined and doing little but raging at you like a pro wrestler. Aren’t you special ops something or other?


I rolled onto my back and magically pulled my knife out from my armour and lodged it deep into his throat.
Eh, that’s a bit better.


You've been trained excellently in hoof to hoof."
"Yeah? Well I never was too brilliant at it. It's why I keep my range, something I'm a lot more confident with."
Sigh... objection mostly-rescinded.


End of the fight, you win or you lose, and you came out physically hurt but not molested nor the loser."
"So fighting is just about who wins and loses to you?"
"I'm not sure. Just understand that you did well, okay?"
"Okay."
So, this guy’s never heard of a pyrrhic victory?
That bodes pretty badly for their futures. She’s probably the best sharpshooter they have and she got injured in a brawl. This is far from optimal... it’s a good thing the “real” battle isn’t for over a week.


And done! Not bad, not bad... still getting my bearings. Enough for now, though.
Good job, Kipper, and I hope most of this is still relevant since I was working against my old downloaded copy. Whatever, it’ll be the newest-ish stuff from now on.
Gonna have to get used to the characters again. They all share one big trait of yours... they like to throw their emotions around. Let it drive not just their resolve, but dictate their actions entirely. Just bullheaded at times. It’s something that clashes with my own personality, not that that’s a bad thing.
But yeah, until next time, something wicked review: complete!

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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Kippershy on Tue May 14, 2013 5:45 am

Haha, love it swicked, thank you.
on my phone at the moment so no indepth reply right now, but once im home I will.
thank you, really. Made me laugh and smile a lot.

I so badly need to hurry up and rewrite my shit so its readable both in content and presentation.

Edit: for the record, I've since removed the rape thing from the enclave fight because I realised it was unnecessary.
It was grimderp for the sake of trying to make things tense but in reality, severe threat without that works plenty. I think I changed it to something like either de-horning her or gauging out her eyes (as a threat.)
Still grim, but not quite as bad.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Kippershy on Tue May 14, 2013 9:24 am

swicked wrote:
Starting again slow, okay? Okay!


Now, what do I remember about this fic...
Crimson is a showboating horn dog that likes to punch old mares, Cherry is his special ops mff, Macy is their pet manticore who also has a thing for Crimson, Cherry also has a radbit whose whole family was brutally murdered by Crimson in an absolute slaughter and, if it's a she, will inevitably have a thing for Crimson despite this fact and they've got a baby they've left for Crimson's mom to raise like so many high school couples.
Of course, the baby is a mare, she will likely develop a thing for Crimson as well, which (since they're not related) will be okay, but hey, at least his mom's safe.
...probably.


Oh, and there was some form of plot. Something about alicorns and militarizing peaceful settlements...
I've lost it.


Gonna start anyway! Woo!

Broken Bonds Chapter 12 Swicked Review!:

"Please calm down! We're trying to help!"
"TRYING TO EAT ME!"
Hehehe, I had forgotten he'd developed necrophobia.
Ahem
'Tis a lie! Thine hindquarters remain ungobbled!
*snicker*


"Why can't I move Titan? What's going on!?"
Probably some form of satanic ritual. Certainly.


"I'll explain later, right now you need to clam down and not hurt the medical staff."
"You mean the ghoul."
"The nurse."
"Ghoul nurse."
Ghoul: Actually, I'm the witchdoctor.
*pulls out a shrunken head*
Ghoul: This is the nurse.
Head: Yo.


"Hey, when you've seen what I have, you have the right to be a bigot."
Nurse: Yeah, I was around when the bombs fell, so I'm willing to bet I've seen more than you'd see in three lifetimes, jerk.


...although, honestly, I doubt any of the ghouls aren't guilty of similar thoughts from time to time. Smoothies are... unpleasant.


What an interesting tale this had turned out to be already, all I wanted was a water talisman.
Ah, right. Water.
It's always water.


Eyeing him, I spoke slowly and cautiously. "How the hell did you know?"
Y’see, there's this thing called a poker face.
You don't have one.


It was obvious that they'd tried to keep the place clean, though both time and inability reduced its cleanliness with subtle brown stains in the corners. I could only hope those stains were dried in blood like I'd assumed and nothing else.
...like what? Poop?
You think they poop in the corners of their patients' rooms?
What in the heck could you imagine it'd be?!


"Why are you crying, Wingsy?
I don't remember that nickname at all.

" weakening the enemies infrastructure. " enemies'


If we're going to take down the D-Z-C, we're going to need to take their weapons from them and give them to ourselves.
Is that the zebra group referred to earlier?
...yes. Yes, it was. Pretty sure.


"Auh, let me finish. The top pony is a figurehead, a pony in charge to turn to in times of need, be it to blame or to seek deliverance. The middle is where the power is."
Depends on the structure.
One could argue if the goddesses or Caesar had died, their respective sides would fall apart into infighting. That's what happens when you take off the head.
Your uneducated assumption about a decentralized command structure is just that... uneducated.


"If you died, the uprising would still continue if it was the true desire of the pones. Perhaps it would be stunted, but a new leader would be found. Somepony would show the courage and qualities of leadership and they would be made the new leader. For as long as the need exists, it will be filled sooner or later."
Nothing truly strong can be defeated in a single blow. Like in martial arts or, really, any kind of fighting... the best strategy is to get your foe off-balance before swinging your killing blow.
Plus, even if the leader's a figurehead, it can be devastating from a propaganda point of view.
Do you honestly think Filly would survive Red Eye and Stern being killed in a single swoop? Yes, they'd eventually find a new, powerful leader... but the infighting would go on for years and progress would grind to a halt in the meantime.

"with an embrace only a pony as magnificently big as her could do." As she could do.


"I desire love and admiration. If that seems strange to you, so be it."
Yeah, no.
It's because it's Crimson, Titan.


"Goodnight."
I heard the nurse from earlier reply to me. "Seep well, Mr. Wings."
Crimson: ...have you been sitting there the entire time?
Nurse: Yes. I mean, I was nuked over two hundred years ago and not so much as a throb since then, but looking at you now... oh my.
Crimson: ...I miss thinking you just wanted to eat me.
Nurse: Who said I don’t? ;)

As much as I'd love to Crimson to get twice traumatized by ghouls... probably not a good idea :P
Oh, and "Seep"


I always assumed that if we took out the Caesar, the war would be won. That if Celestia and Luna were to fall, all would be lost."
If I recall correctly, the Caesar was the glue that held the tribes together. He was also the instigator of the war in the first place due to his unwillingness to seem weak.
More than likely, if he (and one or two backups) were removed from power, some of the tribes would have left the fight or tried to sue for peace.
Infighting, most assuredly. Not enough to win the war by itself, but enough of an advantage to have a chance.
If Celestia fell, though... she wasn't in power. The war would have intensified. If Luna fell, the war would intensify further, the ponies had a decentralized command structure via the six ministries, which were THEMSELVES decentralized. The loss of any given one of them would have made the others fight harder but, as stated in PH, if they all LEFT their positions... that would definitely cause enough chaos, doubt and negative propaganda for the zebra to potentially win.
...basically, to wrap-up, knowing HOW an organization is set up is critical to knowing how to take it down. There is never just one answer.


"We're going to be travelling with a compliment of scouts, for your protection somewhat and for generally speaking to the public.
The scouts are for generally speaking to the public? What?


">Please reactivate Project Iron Giant"
I love that movie.


Terrified mothers see them as monsters who they bow to in hopes of avoiding being hurt or worse. All the while, horrified fathers are left with no option but to join their ranks or ultimately support them in some other way, lest they wish to be those who live in West Slumside and fail their families.
...so, what, there’re no mares in their ranks?
You've also identified, here, that many of their ranks don't want to be a part of this. Will there be some effort to minimize casualties, then?


Or will you be just as monstrous?


As he spoke, my magic encased me in a stealth cloak, removing me from sight.
I forget, can everyone in special ops do that? I ask because Twilight couldn't figure it out herself and Trixie did due to her own specialty in general magic and illusion spells, so the spell's kinda a big deal. So much so that significant amounts of bits were put into developing not just the original stealth buck, but the stealth buck mark 2.
Not that it matters at this point; she has the spell, either way.


Really? Really? He was going to try and organize an uprising and new government like this? I facehooved.
Yeah, at least give us a layout of the place. Depending on the architecture it might be possible to bait them into an ambush and crossfire or try to infiltrate their ranks and take out some key targets prior to an open exchange.

"or make the everypony scatter." make everypony


"Sorry Titan, but some things just gotta be kept as they are."
Not okay! She just made a play that WILL be affecting their strategy and is keeping it under wraps despite the fact that the point of this meeting is to form a joint decision!


"Generally we go out, speak to the ponies topside. We find out what they need most and what's been happening."
"Uh huh, what else?"
"If we have the supplies? We do what we can. Otherwise we apologize and go to the next lot."
...I don't think so. Your supplies are important. Better to try and take some from the enemy, otherwise you're starving yourself before the main event.
An army marches on its stomach, after all.


"That's the wrong approach there, then. We're going to need to stick with the ponies, get them the supplies from the DZC and give it to the ponies."
Kay, so that's what they're doing! Yay!


"If we need to? Yes. You say your forces are strong at guerilla tactics? We ambush the enemy convoys as they move or we make hit and run on their stockpiles, keeping the method of attack and approach changed up each and every time if we can help it, because the moment we get lazy and follow through with the same method for the third time in a row is when they start to shore their defenses from that type of attack."
Depends on the method. Some means have no countermeasures.
I mean, IEDs are pretty much always effective.
I think I’m just splitting hairs here, though.


This pony was war material, leadership of a unit or perhaps even an army, but I couldn't imagine him leading a city.
...more than kinda two entirely different skill sets, there, Cherry :P

“Titans low voice”


Prince Snugglebums is a radbit."
Kay, so, the radbit is male.
Nevermind what I said at the start of this review...


...Prise. Angels of the sky? Gave birth to the princesses?
Kind of... nevermind, I don’t know.


...hmm. Another rape attempt.
...and, instead of moving quickly and taking them out silently, she screams at the top of her lungs.
But eh, she had a close call, as I recall.


"You're all alone now, bitch. No gun to use on me, what you gonna do?"
She was alone to begin with and your friend is dead because of it. Plus, she’s a unicorn, “no gun” is a very temporary state of being.


Once more the buck charged me and stamped his hooves into my chest, I doubled over in pain and he knocked me onto my front.
This guy is thoroughly undisciplined and doing little but raging at you like a pro wrestler. Aren’t you special ops something or other?


I rolled onto my back and magically pulled my knife out from my armour and lodged it deep into his throat.
Eh, that’s a bit better.


You've been trained excellently in hoof to hoof."
"Yeah? Well I never was too brilliant at it. It's why I keep my range, something I'm a lot more confident with."
Sigh... objection mostly-rescinded.


End of the fight, you win or you lose, and you came out physically hurt but not molested nor the loser."
"So fighting is just about who wins and loses to you?"
"I'm not sure. Just understand that you did well, okay?"
"Okay."
So, this guy’s never heard of a pyrrhic victory?
That bodes pretty badly for their futures. She’s probably the best sharpshooter they have and she got injured in a brawl. This is far from optimal... it’s a good thing the “real” battle isn’t for over a week.


And done! Not bad, not bad... still getting my bearings. Enough for now, though.
Good job, Kipper, and I hope most of this is still relevant since I was working against my old downloaded copy. Whatever, it’ll be the newest-ish stuff from now on.
Gonna have to get used to the characters again. They all share one big trait of yours... they like to throw their emotions around. Let it drive not just their resolve, but dictate their actions entirely. Just bullheaded at times. It’s something that clashes with my own personality, not that that’s a bad thing.
But yeah, until next time, something wicked review: complete!

Again, I'm really glad to see another review from you. Made me smile a lot and I really, really do appreciate your reviews.
Onto replies!


Crimson showboating? *Gasps* never! He just.. uh... takes pride in himself! Yes, pride!
As for how easily he gets laid, lololool, well, all part of being exotic and friendly with a pinch of charm and know-how. But yeah, I know you're not complaining and I'm just playing along here.
I had to laugh at you mentioning the whole slaughtering of Prince Snugglebums family.
Also, don't worry, no incest (no matter how non blood related) is going to happen.

You are right with the plot you remember.


Crimson is after a new water talisman for the Stable and this leads him to yes, militarise a settlement without thinking too much about it. Though at the same time, he only does it for their own safety so it's not a bad thing, right?
And yes, there is "some" alicorn influence in the whole shebang. You'll learn more as it goes on.

So many spelling errors. Eugh. Really need to sort them out ASAP. Thanks for letting me know about those!
Once I get back to the rewrites, which I plan to rewrite chapter two before letting myself work on 21, I'll be putting the chapters through proof-readers before releasing them to avoid such mistakes.

Indeed, that was her internal feelings (the whole 3x what you've seen thing/jerk)
They understand after the apology but there would still be that "great, the bigot is here" feeling when they see him.

Speaking of poker faces.... I don't even remember which chapter, mind you.

Also thanks for pointing out my ever changing methods to put down DZC. I've done it so many times, put it with dots or like seen then, -'s.
Now I've decided I'm going to just put it as DZC.
But yes, DZC, Donkey Zebra Coalition.

On the topic of leadership: Very true, very true. At that moment, I was going for a very in character thing, rather than how it can work in the real world. Crimson knows leadership to be figure head at the top but the middle having the real control over the majority of things, sending only the more important and urgent decisions to the top while handling all the micromanagement for the leader.
It's how his Stable works and how he's always known leadership to be in larger cases, so it makes sense to him.

@Eos, Love & Admiration
Keen eye.

Titan was just a soldier, never a leader. His leadership capabilities are purely that of the battlefield and nothing more. He knows how to lead a squad through a firefight, he knows how to protect anyone under him and to keep others safe, but politics and anything akin to that was never his strong suit.
Him not knowing that either of the princesses dying would've pumped things up is because for himself, it would've felt like a loss so bad that he would've had to reconsider it all.

Cherry is the only pony (non alicorn) that I ever intend to give invisibility powers to.
The rest of the spec ops team... well, most of them are trained in stealth, in how to move swift and silent without leaving a trace if they can help it, but there are a few with big guns that aren't about stealth but about pure power and endurance.
Chosen for their capability to fight and carry on through the thick of it, sort've akin to Big Macintosh.
Cherry got her invisibility spell through always trying to make herself invisible because it's how she felt at times when she was younger.

Prise are angels of the skies, not having given birth to the princesses but they are the princesses, and all those who are like the princesses in terms of being alicorn/hugely powerful.
It's not something I've ever gone back to, something I'm not sure if I'll keep or scrap come the rewrite.
Anyway, it was supposed to be a reference to a comic series called The Amory Wars where there's a breed of guardian angels told by god that they have to protect the keywork (the universe) and The Crowing (the saviour).
They've got immense capabilities and since they're guardians, I thought maybe I could play a little lore into it all and say that Celestia/Luna was thought by some to be of this mythical race (of very few) sent to protect ponies for all of eternity.
...Really can't decide if I should keep it or remove it come the rewrite.

And again, again again again, thank you.
I'm glad you enjoyed it. There's a lot of things I fucked up on in the story and thus will change and improve when I rewrite it.
I think you're coming close to when I revamp my writing formatting style so you won't have to put up with that horrid mess for too much longer if you continue reading.

Thanks for dedicating the time to read my terrible story, and to give such amazing reviews!


Also, yeah, my characters are a lot like me in their emotions influencing them a lot. Without making them direct copies of me, I try to add a lot of my own essence (or, specific parts of it) into my characters for the more personal, realistic feel to them.
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Kippershy
Lord of Derail

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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Kippershy on Tue May 28, 2013 9:54 am

Just to let youlot know, i've begun work on the rewrite of chapter two as well as twenty one.

Gonna take a while with chapter two i think because i'm nervous about fucking up. Camo. I know it's unusual for me, but would you consider pre-reading content to make sure i don't fuck up horribly?
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Kippershy
Lord of Derail

Posts : 3480
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by CamoBadger on Tue May 28, 2013 12:00 pm

Sure, I'll happily do that for you.

------------------
My stories: Cold as Ice   |   Fallout Equestria: All That Remains FiMFic Page   |   Fallout Equestria: All That Remains Hub Page
Thanks if you read any of them.

If you have a complaint of any kind, a question or a suggestion, please PM me about it and I will respond as quickly as I can.  


Last wrote:((Camo just likes to kill happiness.))

Well spank my flank and call me sexy!

Until next time, hugs and kisses.


 ~Miguel
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Kippershy on Tue May 28, 2013 12:09 pm

Thanks dude.
Would you rather see it in infancy with how the chapter is being rewritten or wait until I'm most of the way with it?
I can send you the link now, though I'm thinking of toning some stuff down if you do wanna see it early on so you can tell me before I go too far.
I'm just so nervous I'll mess it up and it won't have the same charm.
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Kippershy
Lord of Derail

Posts : 3480
Brohoof! : 121
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Age : 26
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by CamoBadger on Tue May 28, 2013 12:18 pm

Whichever you think will help you more man.

And don't be nervous, I'm sure I'll love it either way.

------------------
My stories: Cold as Ice   |   Fallout Equestria: All That Remains FiMFic Page   |   Fallout Equestria: All That Remains Hub Page
Thanks if you read any of them.

If you have a complaint of any kind, a question or a suggestion, please PM me about it and I will respond as quickly as I can.  


Last wrote:((Camo just likes to kill happiness.))

Well spank my flank and call me sexy!

Until next time, hugs and kisses.


 ~Miguel
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Ketchup on Tue May 28, 2013 3:21 pm

I could also pre-read it for you if you think my opinion may be of value.

I'll be re-reading BB to refresh after finishing the re-read of ATR, which I've only got one more chapter to get through.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

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