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Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Kippershy on Sun Aug 12, 2012 2:13 pm

swicked wrote:
Kippershy wrote:
DON'T YOU LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT. I KNOW THE TRUTH ABOUT YOU.
You just don't like to view yourself as embracing it is all.
-pokes tongue out-
I had never known what having a child was like, but within these few moments, I understood why everypony who was anything decent of a parent had said it was something truly special.

If your response to the former meant my response to the later, then... it's more how you said it. Shouldn't it be, like... "I had never known what having a child was like, but within these few moments, I understood how it was something truly special."?

You intentionally, or Crimson intentionally, brings up the topic of sucky parents and uses the experience of holding a child to feel superior to those who don't feel the way he does. It's just... odd. It feels out of place to me. Like looking at a painting and remarking that only idiots wouldn't find it amazing. Or something.
You take a fantastic positive and seed it with a bitter negative.
Maybe this is your own opinion seeping into Crimson's. Maybe it's Crimson's, having met many bad parents. I dunno. It set me back a bit, is all.

After all, even if a parent didn't find a baby such a special thing in and of itself, does that really mean they would be terrible parents? That they couldn't still love the child or something?
I just... didn't get it.


Oh, and with that old, grumpy slave owner mare. You state she has gray hair, I believe. I was imagining a cranky granny smith. I kinda wanted her to crumple under the hit and be yelling at Crimson as he ran away "Rapscallion! Come back here and help me up so I can beat the crap out of you!"




Oooh, okay. I got ya now.
Nah, that's me accidentally throwing myself in there too much.
Obviously it's hard to write without a trace of who you are/how you feel on certain topics unless you're actively going against something you stand for to be in character of someone, so yeah.

It completely comes from my own fucked up childhood, and is completely unintentionally added. Still, it's in there now so I'll think of a way to work it out while still trying to voice how special it is to him.

Though like I say, my fucked up childhood seeping in a little by accident there, sorry x_______x


hahahaha. Oh, what an image that'd be.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Kippershy on Tue Aug 21, 2012 3:28 pm

Chapter 13 is up.
10,779 words for the chapter which brings it to 135,678 words total and just before the 6 month old date of the 24th, too!

That's right, in three days, Broken Bonds will be 6 months old!

By the current rate, it should mean I achieve somewhere around 260-270k words by one year... which compared to Horizons having somewhere around 950k for its first birthday, is shockingly poor.

But I'm happy with what I've got so far, I'm only young and this is my first ever proper attempt at writing a story - I'm surprised it's gotten as far as it has and I'm even more surprised it's got the followers and views it does, so it's not too bad, all things considered.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by IncoherentOrange on Tue Aug 21, 2012 3:42 pm

Good for you, man. I started writing around 5.4 months ago, and I'm at 97913 words published as of now, but I've been in a block for the past month or so. What now bugs me is that my first story, with its super-short chapters, (23 chapters @30303 words) moderate grammar, no characterization, and mediocre plot, has nearly as many views and a higher like ratio than your story--which I can tell is superior--despite being newer.

You deserve more credit.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Kippershy on Tue Aug 21, 2012 4:45 pm

Eugh, fuck month long blocks. I had that happen to me, too.
My best friend, someone I was insanely close with and loved dearly... well, she fucked me hard, damn hard.
At first she was the person always pushing me to write more, always with words of encouragement and telling me how good I was doing.

After the incident we had, I didn't have it in me to write for a month, shit was hard.
It also caused another two or three week gap some time after too, but that got kicked out of my system too.

I've had a few blocks like that, but I always find someone who helps me out just enough. So much love for the people that do.



I haven't read any of your work so I have no clue at all how honest you're being with your quality of work, personally I don't think my stuff is all that great - I like it, I love my story and I'm in love with my characters, but the over-all quality of the writing itself to me, isn't all that.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Ketchup on Tue Aug 21, 2012 4:52 pm

I'll get to reading chapter 13 tomorrow, most likely. I re-read the first 3 chapters of FOE today, so I'm kinda burnt out.

I hope things work out for motivation, I've never written anything long enough that it required more than, at most, a few hours of thinking.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Kippershy on Tue Aug 21, 2012 5:08 pm

Protip: it took me about a day or perhaps two [literally] to plan Broken Bonds.


I started on Friday the 13th of Jan 2012 (day of my operation) by jotting down notes for things like Crimsons name and the name of Four Ridges, who his first companion was going to be

(It was going to be a slave that Crimson bought from Usury for 500 caps, down from 1,250 because she had active camo magic and kept trying to break out... He was going to fall in love with her and she would at first decline his love, then eventually come round to it.)

As for the story length, hah, well, let's put it this way.... my original plan was fucking short. I think I had the plan ready to wrap up by chapter 10 or 11.
Then it got longer and I was going to get something at chapter eight, but then chapter four came and ruined that (which I'm glad of).


Then it got longer, the story got more complex, my characters evolved and a lot of things changed. All for the better.
Even now I doubt the story is really long enough, but I'm trying to figure out what would be interesting enough to make it last longer while not just being filler.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Ketchup on Tue Aug 21, 2012 5:21 pm

Pink Eyes was only 20 chapters in all. And it was good, IMO, so length isn't as much a factor as quality. Kkat and Somber have made good and long stories. PH isn't Somber's first story, and I doubt FO:E is Kkat's first, either. I don't know and won't bother checking for Mimezenga.

For a first story, I'd say you're doing great.

Neat to see how the plotline evolved from that to what it is, being centered on love(From what you've said)rather than a critical mission.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by IncoherentOrange on Tue Aug 21, 2012 5:37 pm

When I began writing, I sat down at my computer on a Saturday morning after reading a fanfic the night before, Hands, I believe it was, and just said, 'ya know what, why don't you give it a try?' And after finishing that over a period of one month, I began to write the sequel. For reasons mostly for the hell of it, it contains two crossover segments (Pokémon and Fallout, the latter is depicted in its cover art) and was fun as hell to write. However, I asked for feedback once on it, and guess what happened when I was told it wasn't very good, already at 25000 words? I broke. I gave a hasty, terrible ending and called it quits. A week or two later, I began to re-write it. The re-boot is far better, twenty thousand words longer, and ended on a cliffhanger, open to expansion at any point, yet still concluded for now.

What I learned from these experiences is that if you ever feel compromised as a writer, do not fall to despair; take the advice in stride, and keep going onward.

Though, taking the time to fix it all up after you're done is a good thing, too.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Ketchup on Tue Aug 21, 2012 11:38 pm

A little review.
Spoiler:
As I begin reading, I realize I've forgotten what is happening. A quick re-read of the last paragraph of chapter 12 brings the wanted refresher.
Still, that is kinda confusing. These Coltchester Anarchists seem to depend on misdirection in combat. An explanation is coming soon, I hope.

Titan has thermal vision. Interesting touch. I wonder where he got it.
Not many crazies will tend their wounded.

Magic field? Oh yeah, this is from Cherry's perspective.
"How are you going to hit me, what you can't even see me?"
Might need to be 'when' instead of 'what'.

It got worse.

Titan has explosive minigun rounds? Must be magical, because 5mm can't hold a practical amount of explosive.
I wonder who's doing the throat cutting.
These Anarchists sure are mean ponies. I wonder what their beef is.

This'll be interesting.
Joining the Coalition for protection from a ruthless enemy. Seemed like a good idea at the time, huh?
Good thing the Resistance is around.
Loyal pony is loyal.

"It became exceedingly obvious to me just how torn Coltchester was, though the majority preferred to let sleeping manticores lie"
Period needed here.

Because no government is better than a government that promises change. Sure...
The Anarchists seem like they could be very dangerous allies, they ought to keep an eye on them.

So that's why we haven't heard of the Anarchists yet. They seem quite large for a group of such low renown.

As soon as they reached the pile of rubble, I couldn't help but think: "Give me the location of the rubble base." In the voice of Darth Vader.

I'm glad that you used the term 'suppressed' rather than 'silenced'. Suppressed is much more accurate.

A very affectionate couple.
I wonder where Titan plans to take her next.
PSB is pretty funny.
Yep, shotguns certainly pack a bigger punch compared to pistol-round-spewers.
I wonder how long it'll be until Cherry learns of his addiction.

'Project in the ridges?' I thought it was a collaboration made by a bunch of random settlers who decided outside a Stable would be an ideal place. Or it describes the wall with the magic sentries, or the Stable itself.

Who'd mess up a courier's establishment?
Well, they found that out quick.

I wonder who this is. She seems pretty spirited.

Great. Another faction. I wonder what the ZUC are all about.
Not a trusting bunch.
Ack! Rhymes!

"We can't take him in as a resistance fighter because he;s too young, and without being able to earn his keep he'd simply be a drain on resources."
Replace ';' with '.

The unfortunate truth about refugees. If you offer to take one, be prepared to deal with more.
Cherry has a strong sense of empathy.
Crapsack worlds tend to make orphans out of many.
Cherry might just show no remorse for the next DZCs she faces in combat. Bastards.
They wouldn't have any trouble getting him to become a soldier.

Now this whole checkpoint deal could get messy. 2 battle rifle shots would easily incapacitate or kill a pony.
Poor stallion.
At least they have some restraint.
Yeah, that buck certainly is going to do something stupid.
Shit. Anarchists.
Actually, that went better than expected. Except, now they gotta find Sandstorm.

Star Swirls is alright, which is good.
Trouble.
And I guess we get Sandstorm next chapter?
Good job on this one, the action was diverse and the situations tense. Sort of like Dayz.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Kippershy on Wed Aug 22, 2012 11:44 am

ketchup504 wrote:A little review.
Spoiler:
As I begin reading, I realize I've forgotten what is happening. A quick re-read of the last paragraph of chapter 12 brings the wanted refresher.
Still, that is kinda confusing. These Coltchester Anarchists seem to depend on misdirection in combat. An explanation is coming soon, I hope.

Titan has thermal vision. Interesting touch. I wonder where he got it.
Not many crazies will tend their wounded.

Magic field? Oh yeah, this is from Cherry's perspective.
"How are you going to hit me, what you can't even see me?"
Might need to be 'when' instead of 'what'.

It got worse.

Titan has explosive minigun rounds? Must be magical, because 5mm can't hold a practical amount of explosive.
I wonder who's doing the throat cutting.
These Anarchists sure are mean ponies. I wonder what their beef is.

This'll be interesting.
Joining the Coalition for protection from a ruthless enemy. Seemed like a good idea at the time, huh?
Good thing the Resistance is around.
Loyal pony is loyal.

"It became exceedingly obvious to me just how torn Coltchester was, though the majority preferred to let sleeping manticores lie"
Period needed here.

Because no government is better than a government that promises change. Sure...
The Anarchists seem like they could be very dangerous allies, they ought to keep an eye on them.

So that's why we haven't heard of the Anarchists yet. They seem quite large for a group of such low renown.

As soon as they reached the pile of rubble, I couldn't help but think: "Give me the location of the rubble base." In the voice of Darth Vader.

I'm glad that you used the term 'suppressed' rather than 'silenced'. Suppressed is much more accurate.

A very affectionate couple.
I wonder where Titan plans to take her next.
PSB is pretty funny.
Yep, shotguns certainly pack a bigger punch compared to pistol-round-spewers.
I wonder how long it'll be until Cherry learns of his addiction.

'Project in the ridges?' I thought it was a collaboration made by a bunch of random settlers who decided outside a Stable would be an ideal place. Or it describes the wall with the magic sentries, or the Stable itself.

Who'd mess up a courier's establishment?
Well, they found that out quick.

I wonder who this is. She seems pretty spirited.

Great. Another faction. I wonder what the ZUC are all about.
Not a trusting bunch.
Ack! Rhymes!

"We can't take him in as a resistance fighter because he;s too young, and without being able to earn his keep he'd simply be a drain on resources."
Replace ';' with '.

The unfortunate truth about refugees. If you offer to take one, be prepared to deal with more.
Cherry has a strong sense of empathy.
Crapsack worlds tend to make orphans out of many.
Cherry might just show no remorse for the next DZCs she faces in combat. Bastards.
They wouldn't have any trouble getting him to become a soldier.

Now this whole checkpoint deal could get messy. 2 battle rifle shots would easily incapacitate or kill a pony.
Poor stallion.
At least they have some restraint.
Yeah, that buck certainly is going to do something stupid.
Shit. Anarchists.
Actually, that went better than expected. Except, now they gotta find Sandstorm.

Star Swirls is alright, which is good.
Trouble.
And I guess we get Sandstorm next chapter?
Good job on this one, the action was diverse and the situations tense. Sort of like Dayz.

Spoiler:


Thank you for the review, ever so much appreciated =3
Good pick up on the what/when with Cherry, that's down to a rewrite of the sentence and forgetting to change that part of it >.< Ooops, lo..
And the same to the rest of your grammar/typo pick ups - all very much appreciated.

Now for a point by point response and such =3




Yup, me being such a slow author and there being so many other stories does make it hard on people, I know. Shame really, but at least you can remember without too much effort.
Yes, the Anarchists very much do rely on misdirection and confusion. They aren't trained like Titan, Cherry or even Crimson in the art of refined combat, instead, they rely on guerilla tactics that hit fast and make it as hard on their opponent as they can to keep lines of contact open.
As such, smoke grenades filling the area is their main tactic, allowing them to move without being seen and strike like a ghost.


The answer to Titans thermal imaging is actually quite simple, I was going to write it into the chapter but then found it almost sounded corny.
Not trying to be all spoiler spoiler here, just a little thing. It's basically because he was a soldier he was given access to higher grade technology then Blackjack was when she was augmented, despite the younger technology.
Professor stripe (IIRC on her name) wouldn't have had needed T.I because she's not a soldier or a fighter -- it was never planned for her to give her bodyparts away as soon as she could use them.


For Titan's explosive rounds, it's briefly explained back in chapter... eight I think? He got that ability from a zebra explosive talisman that was salvaged from a zebra Superhoof mk II after he destroyed it by himself in a courageous act of self sacrifice that could've (and almost had) killed him.
As a reward, it was implanted into his minigun to give him a bigger boost.


The Anarchists... as a whole they're not mean, it's just the fact there is no solid leadership nor joining process, more that you just put on a cloak and take the fight to the DZC as you see fit.
It's unorganised and anyone can claim to be acting as one, but it's more of a general dissidence rather then an organised following like the PLAC.


Loyal pony is indeed loyal, he cares for his wife above all else, and will stick with her through anything she asks. [if that's who you're referring to.]
He would do anything to keep her safe.


As far as the Anarchists see it, no government will ever keep their promises of change, they'll only make empty words and pretty sentences to gain power to abuse it thmeselves.
Well, not -everyone- in the Anarchist movement, but it's the general feel of the group.
The Anarchists are basically a pony version of Anonymous.


I completely and utterly laughed at the rubble base / darth vader part, thank you.


I assume you mean CS/CW with the affectionate couple part? If so, very true.
I'm a very, very affectionate person myself - an utter hopeless romantic. Crimson and Cherry are my projection of the perfect couple and relationship.
Is this a bad thing? perhaps, but it's how I want them to be, it's part of why I enjoy writing Broken Bonds so much. They make me feel better in myself, in a totally 'autistic loser' way.


I'm glad the scene with PSB was funny for you. One line I especially loved as I wrote it was the whole "Ewwww, Radbit kisses" as Cherry kissed Crimson after kissing PSB.


Project in the ridges... this one is going to take a moment to explain.
Four Ridges as it stands today [roll with it] was indeed built and maintained by a collaboration between Stable ponies and the odd few ponies that had managed to wander on in after noticing the thick, strong walls and finding the one entrance open.
The locals provided the ponypower to rebuild properly and keep it reasonable (and which the population of has skyrocketed since the Stable opened).

When the Stable opened, they provided the technology and know how in rebuilding and securing the perimeter of Four Ridges.
This lead to it becoming a full on place to live, as we know it now.

Back 210~ years ago, "Four Ridges" didn't exist in any way at all.
205~ years ago, it went from being just an idea on paper to a project to physically secure a piece of land and reinforce it with the means to defend itself and provide for itself - creating a self sustaining environment in event of a war.
(Though nuclear warfare wasn't considered in the planning stages).

The military worked hoof in hoof with Stabletec to change the plan to reality.
Anything more would be going past trivial information and into stuff which I have yet to delve into.
The dates are all estimates that I made up on the spot right now, the rest of the information can be pieced together by anyone willing to look in enough depth over the different chapters for such hints and snips.


Too many factions too soon? Or are you speaking in terms of "Oh great, another problem for Crimson. Wonder how this will go?"


Yup, that's the problem with refugees indeed. Titan understands that, Crimson doesn't, despite his training.
His training has never really pushed into that side of things, Four Ridges have never really had a big refugee issue. Sure, there's been times where a small group of ponies (up to 10 or so) have come to them seeking refuge and been accepted, but there's never been a steady supply of them or of immense number.
So it's not something he understands, though Titan does - as seen this chapter.
(Again, more trivial info made up on the spot. Don't worry).


Cherry has a long way to come yet, though I definitley know how you could think that.
She's more logical then to just go after anyone at all though...


and when you say 'get Sandstorm', which way exactly do you mean?


I'm glad you enjoyed it, and I'm glad I hit my mark. I wanted this chapter to be tense and uncertain, partly hence the title for it (Disharmony).
The other, main reason for the title was because I wanted to convey that it's not just one group effort to rebel, lots of different people have lots of different ideas on how to go about it and they don't work together - disharmony.


Glad to hear the chapter was diverse, tense and reminded you of Day Z. We both know that's a good thing.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Ketchup on Wed Aug 22, 2012 1:19 pm

Spoiler:

I'm happy to do reviews. They seem to help me process the chapter in a deeper way. And, perhaps help the writer.
Thanks for the clarification on the origins of Four Ridges and on the minigun's explosive properties.
I was referring to Crimson and Cherry as affectionate, and Honeydew and her husband as the loyal ponies.
There aren't too many factions, just expressing that it could be a bad thing for another faction to be in Coltchester. They may very well end up fighting several.
What I mean by 'get Sandstorm' is that they just left him behind. I was under the impression that they were going to take him to the base.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Kippershy on Wed Aug 22, 2012 1:32 pm

ketchup504 wrote:
Spoiler:

I'm happy to do reviews. They seem to help me process the chapter in a deeper way. And, perhaps help the writer.
Thanks for the clarification on the origins of Four Ridges and on the minigun's explosive properties.
I was referring to Crimson and Cherry as affectionate, and Honeydew and her husband as the loyal ponies.
There aren't too many factions, just expressing that it could be a bad thing for another faction to be in Coltchester. They may very well end up fighting several.
What I mean by 'get Sandstorm' is that they just left him behind. I was under the impression that they were going to take him to the base.

Oh, my bad. He's actually riding on Cherry's back (they pick him up before the timeskip).
I'll go back and clarify that if it's not so, though I think I do mention how she puts him back on her shoulders. (or meant to, at the very least.)

Thought so @ affectionate and assumed you meant the guy with the loyal bit, but yeah, they have no loyalty to the coalition, they were purely doing it for survival.


Good to see that you meant that the factions could get dangerous to one another.



edit: It is in there, you silly pon-e

(Just after Cherry spares the commander, before talking of honour.)

Swiftly making our way through the haze, we found the other size and I
spotted Storm cowering by the red roofed market stand like I'd told him
to. Handing it to the colt, he followed orders pretty well when it meant
he'd carry on living.
Rushing over to him, I picked him up and put him onto my back before galloping as fast as I could without outrunning Titan.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Ketchup on Wed Aug 22, 2012 1:48 pm

Yeah, I added the Honeydew part to clarify, I meant her husband, whatshisname.
Must've skipped the paragraph. I just remember her sparing the commander and them walking past the checkpoint, then talking about honor after she showed the knife.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Kippershy on Wed Aug 22, 2012 4:46 pm

Some things I noticed while searching TVtropes. Obviously not every trope I've ever used, but ones that I came across / stuck out to me.


WARNING, THIS SPOILER IS NO JOKE. THIS IS -ACTUAL- SPOILER STUFF -
Though I don't explicitly state what's going to happen to who, when or how, some of these listed here can count as massive spoilers in a way, I suppose.
Read at your own risk.
Spoiler:

failure-to-save murder -- C8 -- Platinum
The big guy -- C4 -- Maisy, C11 Titan, 153
One man army -- 153
Taking you with me -- 153
I'm taking her with me -- C8 -- Cherished Chance



There is more I could've listed, but I really don't want to ruin this any further then this already has.
I could easily just link you to the overall plotline document though... but that'd really be at your own risk.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Kippershy on Wed Aug 29, 2012 4:52 pm

After a whole day, it's not as flashy as I'd like it to be - I can't enter the inventory like I'd plan to allow myself to do, but hey, it works.
Crimson wings (and Cherry Sundae) are followers.

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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Kippershy on Thu Aug 30, 2012 5:09 am

So it turns out it IS as flashy... well fuck, no, even FLASHIER then I'd planned.
I can choose to put pipboys onto them, make them wear collars, make them do a load of advanced stuff... you just gotta do it through speech, is all.

Now my next step is to try figure out how to voice them.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Kippershy on Fri Aug 31, 2012 7:46 pm

The FO:NV mod I've been working on is now somewhat worthy of being used.
The troubles that were arising should've been ironed out now.

The fallout nexus page can be found here and here's just two of the 10 pictures currently uploaded:

Spoiler:




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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Kippershy on Sat Sep 01, 2012 7:30 am

Titan has just had his photoshoot uploaded.

Spoiler:










There's also this bonus pic I took for the lulz when I found the poses while searching through.
There's 140 poses to go through, I've searched about 100 of them.
...there's no index to this, either.

Anyway, picture: (warning: adult theme)

Spoiler:
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Kippershy on Sat Sep 01, 2012 10:54 am

This is me.. enjoying my photo editing...
Spoiler:









Fixed the images by uploading to photobucket instead.


Last edited by Kippershy on Sat Sep 01, 2012 11:12 am; edited 1 time in total
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Admiral Stoic Rum on Sat Sep 01, 2012 11:09 am

Oh hoho hoho

That adult theme picture!
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Kippershy on Sat Sep 01, 2012 11:12 am

Images fixed now.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Kippershy on Sun Sep 16, 2012 5:16 pm

Chapter fourteen released.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Ketchup on Sun Sep 16, 2012 6:12 pm

Fluttershy
I'll probably read it after school tomorrow, watching a Paper Mario 2 LP.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Ketchup on Mon Sep 17, 2012 6:32 pm

Review now. I am, and have gotten, rather sick with the cold that goes around every year, so this one will probably be less thorough than any before it.
Spoiler:

As usual, I read the last bits of my last review to remember what was going on.
Clingy colt is adorable.
Good question. What could be happening here...
Admiral Pip's Rum. Hehe.
Yeah, Cherry was bound to get mad at that.
Storm seems to be obsessed with wings. This is interesting, and they'll probably get along just swell.
Wings: +1 Charisma.
Dat meaningful chapter title. He was a Steel Ranger too. Interesting.
Maybe they can rescue Pony Joe... or any plan will just fall apart and fail quite miserably.
Crimson? Well, he wouldn't do it willingly and he's not going anywhere. Also, blatant disobedience.
Oh no! The Coalition may have found the location of the rubble base!
And, less humorously, he lost a friend. Poor guy.
"Titan put his hoof on the bucks shoulder and nodded."
"buck's".
I like poker but I've never been good at it.
I wonder if the alicorns can read his hand from his mind.
Cherry has a chance for a flush. But that'll probably not resolve.
Or it shall. What a twist.
Cherry wine for the Cherry mare. What could possibly go wrong?
I wonder if Titan is any good at poker. Information looks like a valid betting material.
I wonder just how much booze they have.
Big question from the winner.
With a large answer.
Alcohol usually doesn't taste very good, so of course, Sandstorm wouldn't like it.
Suddenly it is go fish. He he.
And that is a bigger question. This could get messy.
Meh, looks like he didn't muck up. It was a really long answer, though.
"Where's the rum gone?"
Bestest bluff evar. A straight flush is almost the highest you can get, a royal straight flush is better.
I wonder just what has happened to the alicorns other than the whole Goddess bombing.
Err mah gerd. Acknowledgement of other fic being canon. Actually, not unexpected.
The Destroyer. Pfft.
History! Goody!
Iron Giant must be pretty important.
A large automaton, probably. The Iron Giant is the name of a movie that involved Lauren Faust, as you likely already know. Good movie, I watched it dozens of times growing up.
Re: footnote.
It wasn't boring at all, really. I kinda only skimmed the mushy parts between Crimson and Cherry, but they were interesting all the same.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Kippershy on Tue Sep 18, 2012 12:18 am

ketchup504 wrote:Review now. I am, and have gotten, rather sick with the cold that goes around every year, so this one will probably be less thorough than any before it.
Spoiler:

As usual, I read the last bits of my last review to remember what was going on.
Clingy colt is adorable.
Good question. What could be happening here...
Admiral Pip's Rum. Hehe.
Yeah, Cherry was bound to get mad at that.
Storm seems to be obsessed with wings. This is interesting, and they'll probably get along just swell.
Wings: +1 Charisma.
Dat meaningful chapter title. He was a Steel Ranger too. Interesting.
Maybe they can rescue Pony Joe... or any plan will just fall apart and fail quite miserably.
Crimson? Well, he wouldn't do it willingly and he's not going anywhere. Also, blatant disobedience.
Oh no! The Coalition may have found the location of the rubble base!
And, less humorously, he lost a friend. Poor guy.
"Titan put his hoof on the bucks shoulder and nodded."
"buck's".
I like poker but I've never been good at it.
I wonder if the alicorns can read his hand from his mind.
Cherry has a chance for a flush. But that'll probably not resolve.
Or it shall. What a twist.
Cherry wine for the Cherry mare. What could possibly go wrong?
I wonder if Titan is any good at poker. Information looks like a valid betting material.
I wonder just how much booze they have.
Big question from the winner.
With a large answer.
Alcohol usually doesn't taste very good, so of course, Sandstorm wouldn't like it.
Suddenly it is go fish. He he.
And that is a bigger question. This could get messy.
Meh, looks like he didn't muck up. It was a really long answer, though.
"Where's the rum gone?"
Bestest bluff evar. A straight flush is almost the highest you can get, a royal straight flush is better.
I wonder just what has happened to the alicorns other than the whole Goddess bombing.
Err mah gerd. Acknowledgement of other fic being canon. Actually, not unexpected.
The Destroyer. Pfft.
History! Goody!
Iron Giant must be pretty important.
A large automaton, probably. The Iron Giant is the name of a movie that involved Lauren Faust, as you likely already know. Good movie, I watched it dozens of times growing up.
Re: footnote.
It wasn't boring at all, really. I kinda only skimmed the mushy parts between Crimson and Cherry, but they were interesting all the same.

Thank you Ketch, as always it's absolutely wonderful to have your reviews and it means a lot to me. Thank you.
I'm glad that you managed to catch a lot of the references.

True that a royal flush is higher - I just didn't want to give Crimson the absolute highest ranking hand and make it a complete mary sue moment where he's given the very, very most elite stuff to achieve his goal, even if that is a hand of poker.

I'm glad it wasn't boring for you, even if you did skim over the mushy stuff - I expect that to be done by some people as it's not to everyone's tastes, just like Katarn skips over intimacy & fight scenes. (of just about every fic.)
So as long as you enjoyed it, it doesn't really matter. That was just me giving them some mushy mushy happy happy loving tender moments.

Sorry I can't give a full response right now, gotta head off to work, but again, thank you for this, it means a lot.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by CamoBadger on Thu Sep 20, 2012 7:38 pm

Well, I finished up with Chapter 1 and am working through Chapter 2. Sorry it took me so long to finally start reading this Kipper, I think I told you I would way back when you first posted it here...

My reviews probably won't be good in the way of helping with edits and such (I'm not good at that stuff), but will be more of what I thought of the story so far, sorry if you already get enough of that stuff.

Okay, Ch1
Spoiler:

I love the interaction between Crimson and his mom, it's great!

Heehee Royal Pegasus Voice activate! I want that armor.

It's kinda nice to see ponies who aren't all nervous around overmare and son, much different vibe than what we generally see, and I like it.

Crimson got some serious skill, why can't I flirt like that? And a mare with a .50? I already like her.
Bow chicka bow wow

Tank...your mayor is a dick...a dick who can't listen...

Cherry sure attached to him fast...either she really likes him, or she's had a bit of a crush...I'm leaning toward the latter. Either way, that was a cute moment.

Like I said, can't really do edit stuff, but I'll put my random thoughts of the story up after each chapter XD

Good work Kipper, I regret not reading this until now, it's amazing!

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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Kippershy on Fri Sep 21, 2012 12:07 am

CamoBadger wrote:Well, I finished up with Chapter 1 and am working through Chapter 2. Sorry it took me so long to finally start reading this Kipper, I think I told you I would way back when you first posted it here...

My reviews probably won't be good in the way of helping with edits and such (I'm not good at that stuff), but will be more of what I thought of the story so far, sorry if you already get enough of that stuff.

Okay, Ch1
Spoiler:

I love the interaction between Crimson and his mom, it's great!

Heehee Royal Pegasus Voice activate! I want that armor.

It's kinda nice to see ponies who aren't all nervous around overmare and son, much different vibe than what we generally see, and I like it.

Crimson got some serious skill, why can't I flirt like that? And a mare with a .50? I already like her.
Bow chicka bow wow

Tank...your mayor is a dick...a dick who can't listen...

Cherry sure attached to him fast...either she really likes him, or she's had a bit of a crush...I'm leaning toward the latter. Either way, that was a cute moment.

Like I said, can't really do edit stuff, but I'll put my random thoughts of the story up after each chapter XD

Good work Kipper, I regret not reading this until now, it's amazing!

You big ol' flatterer. My intro chapter really isn't all that, none of my story is, but I'm glad you liked it.
I've gone and fixed some minor errors yesterday, though I know there's more that I refused to allow myself to go and edit because I was trying to enjoy reading it, rather than picking it apart.

So I will go through it again for grammar, but it's mostly okay.
Haven't read my chapter two yet though.
Ha. sounds so weird, that I write but don't read my own chapters after releasing them.


So yeah, thank you for this! =3
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Kippershy on Sun Sep 23, 2012 4:02 pm

So, this is a very out of date point to make -- but something came up in the P.Horizons thread that made me think for a moment.

Someone brought up the fact that Cherished Chance uses magic to easily pull out one of Crimsons feathers, when in S2 rainbow gets a feather trapped under a rock and isn't able to release herself from it.
However, also in S2, in H&Hooves day, Sweetie Bell EASILY pulls a feather from Scootaloo to stir the love poison potion with.


Which only further backs my response that perhaps Dashie caught an entire section of her wing under the rock, as much as it only looks like a single feather?
I mean, feathers are like skin, anyway, they grow back and they shed as time goes on so a single feather (or even a few) wouldn't make a difference.

It's only when [you] lose a large portion of them that it makes any difference.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by Kippershy on Sun Sep 23, 2012 4:03 pm

Oh, also, 4.3k into chapter 15.
This chapter is looking like it'll be anywhere from 12k - 15k long, so it'll be longer then usual.

I plan to have it out on/by Saturday.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

Post by CamoBadger on Fri Sep 28, 2012 1:32 pm

I'm sorry it took so long to get through this, but I'm done with Chapter 2 finally. So, thoughtses time!
Chapter 2:

Oh Cherry, starting the chapter off with a laugh. I'm liking her more and more as this goes on.

At least she's not afraid of heights...oh shit...maybe I spoke too soon on that. I'm impressed that she didn't get all pissy with him for dropping her once he explained why it happened. Yup, definitely love this girl.

I won't lie, I laughed when Cherry whined through that helmet. It was funny.

K-k-k-KINKY! Damn lucky bastard...

That music fit way too well...lovely scene there Kipper.

Huh, looks like she's still not afraid of flying after what happened. She really trusts him then. And now my theory that she's had a crush on him for longer than she lets on is stronger...

HAHA! Wingsy talks to himself...wait...I shouldn't laugh at that, I do it too...hmm

Heheheh, yes. good. Embarrass the shit out of him Blossom.

Now I love Cherry even more, and am jealous of that ability beyond all belief. Lucky lucky mare.

Turrets...I sense something very important for later in this...

That mental picture of Cherry riding Crimson like Napoleon...best mental image all week XD

He's much better at haggling than BJ...I wonder how he would fair against Charity...

She cries a lot...why do I sense that Crimson is the first pony to ever treat her well...

So much crying...way to go Crimson, that's what? Crying mare #10 since this started?

One last cuddly wuddly with Melony. I certainly hope she enjoys it, because until Crimson gets back, it's all gonna be him and Cherry, and if I'm right, she won't approve of Wingsy hooking up with other mares after what they might go through.

And so our heroes departed to become big goddamn heroes.
Great chapter, I'm loving this story! Time for #3!

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If you have a complaint of any kind, a question or a suggestion, please PM me about it and I will respond as quickly as I can.  


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Well spank my flank and call me sexy!

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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

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