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Shadow of Friends

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Shadow of Friends

Post by Shadow Star on Thu Jan 05, 2012 3:19 pm

Here is the new second part that I hope every one enjoys. Im bad with spelling please help. Also so far the parts are a little sort, but Sky, Comet and I are jsut warming up. You can all expect at least 20 parts for Season 1! Can't wait hope you poines enjoy our story of some misfit ponies.

Part 2
Spoiler:
Lunch was boring for Shadow due to the fact that Comet was out sick. Shadow sat and stared at her sandwich. She watched other ponies talking with their friends and playing games. Shadow picked up sandwich and walked over to the trashcan. Before she made their Silverwing intercepted her. “What’s up Shadow scared that you can’t make through the day without your friend.” “You know what I’m tried of you picking on me Silverwing.” “Well what are going to do about it, all alone, just like always.” Shadow started to grow angry, all of the sudden she got a rush of energy crawl up her spine. “Oh no not now.” she thought. “Not now.” Shadow tried to go passed Silverwing to get outside. “Oh no you don’t you aren’t going anywhere.” He said. “Silverwing you don’t understand I need to get outside.” Just then she started to lose focus the room started spinning, Shadow tried to move past Silverwing, she tripped over her own hooves and collapsed on the ground. Silverwing stepped back as Shadow started to twitch, she opened her eyes and purple light started to fill the lunch room. “Are you okay?” Silverwing asked. Shadow tried to get up, but as she tried the magical energy in unleashed in a massive explosion. The energy surrounded her and began to lift her of the ground. Random spells that Shadow her self didn’t even know started casting out at near by ponies and other objects. Ponies ran in fear as other ponies tables and food started to fly around the room. The energy started to congest on Shadow as it formed it built strength and the light intensified. All of the energy shot up and though the roof tearing a huge gapping hole in it. Ponies ran for cover and a near by teacher tried to calm her, but was knocked back. A green Pegasus with blue and black hair jumped to catch her, but flew backwards into a vending machine. There was a flicker and the chaos stopped as fast as it started. Shadow fell back to the ground unconscious. The other students stared to come out from their hiding spots, others climbing out of the ruble.

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Shadow Star
Earth Pony

Posts : 122
Brohoof! : 4
Join date : 2011-11-28
Age : 20
Location : Ponyville, Equestria

Character List:
Name: Shadow Star
Sex: female
Species: Unicorn

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Re: Shadow of Friends

Post by CamoBadger on Thu Jan 05, 2012 10:39 pm

O_O
I want more...MOAR!

My recommendation is to separate it into paragraphs. Each time a new pony speaks, it needs to be placed in a new paragraph.

But this is a great story, I've never read a joint story like this before, and I'm really enjoying it so far :)

------------------
My stories: Cold as Ice   |   Fallout Equestria: All That Remains FiMFic Page   |   Fallout Equestria: All That Remains Hub Page
Thanks if you read any of them.

If you have a complaint of any kind, a question or a suggestion, please PM me about it and I will respond as quickly as I can.  


Last wrote:((Camo just likes to kill happiness.))

Well spank my flank and call me sexy!

Until next time, hugs and kisses.


 ~Miguel
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CamoBadger
Royal Alicorn

Posts : 13890
Brohoof! : 588
Join date : 2011-11-29

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Re: Shadow of Friends

Post by Shadow Star on Fri Jan 06, 2012 5:48 pm

Cool thanks ill work thanks
avatar
Shadow Star
Earth Pony

Posts : 122
Brohoof! : 4
Join date : 2011-11-28
Age : 20
Location : Ponyville, Equestria

Character List:
Name: Shadow Star
Sex: female
Species: Unicorn

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