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[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

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Post by Icy Shake Sun Feb 01, 2015 8:31 pm

[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion Sw1tch10
Source

Welcome to the Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion Thread!
This is the place to discuss Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons, a Fallout/MLP:FiM crossover fic by Somber. Story discussion is on the left, group therapy to the right. Please try to schedule your emotional breakdowns when they don't conflict with anyone else's.

Rules
We have just a few simple rules here.

  1. Don't put down Somber.
  2. Project Horizons is a grimdark fic which deals with adult topics, so we might discuss subjects that some readers may find uncomfortable. Be mature about it.
  3. If Somber or a member of the editing team says to end a discussion, please do so.
  4. Spoilers abound. If you're not current on the fic, we recommend that you catch up before you read on.
  5. Expect random discussions that may or may not have anything to do with the story.
  6. Have fun!


People You Should Know
Somber: The author of Project Horizons, creator of Blackjack, maker of awesomeness, is a small gray mare who lives in the head of a guy named David. Ignore her claims of suckage.
Bronode, O. Hinds, swicked, and Heartshine: Your editing team. They make awesome writing look all shiny and pretty.
Snipehamster: Member of the editing team from Chapter 28 to Chapter 54. He made awesome writing look all shiny and pretty.
Kkat: The author of the original Fallout: Equestria. Not a participant in this discussion (yet), but you should be aware of her anyway. If you haven't read FOE, why are you even here? Go! Read!

Somber's Tip Jar
Thank-yous of the monetary variety may be made through PayPal. Simply click on Send Money, send it to  David13ushey@gmail.com and mark it as a personal gift.

Story Links
GoogleDocs chapter index - Links to every chapter, plus FOE and FOEPH resources, media, and story download formats.
.epub Format - Thanks to Scorch_Mechanic.
LaTeX ebook .pdf - Thanks to ThePowersGang.
Nallar's Fanfic Archive - An auto-updated collection of fics offered in a variety of formats including Kindle .mobi, .epub, and .html.


Last edited by Icy Shake on Sun Feb 01, 2015 8:40 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Post by Icy Shake Sun Feb 01, 2015 8:39 pm

swicked wrote:
Icy Shake wrote:Bronode, O. Hinds, swicked, and Heartshine: Your editing team, presented in alphabetical order.
I'll fix it. The first try was from an old template. The second one was, I thought, merged correctly with SilentCarto's most recent.

Also, I wasn't expecting 73 this weekend! Exciting!

Oh, so it did get to "Apogee," just jumped the gun on it being last chapter.

So, based on my roommate's audio right now, I just remembered that the Superbowl is on. Guess how much that's affecting my reading? Spike
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Post by Borsuq Sun Feb 01, 2015 11:19 pm

Awesome chapter, as always (duh).

For a moment there, I was certain that it would end with Blackjack falling down into the Flux, so in the next chapter she would emerge as an alicorn, but a real one, not like the Goddess' ones. But that's totally not what happened!

Okay, now to the thing that currently matters to me the most. Glory. Apparently, she is alive, and getting treated. And I must say, at this point, it will be better for the story if she were to be alive. All this build-up from this and the previous chapter, it simply would look bad if it went nowhere. Alright, let me rephrase that: it would be better, if she wouldn't die anytime soon, not until Blackjack would get back from the moon. I suppose she could die in Blackjack forelegs, after saying finally goodbye or something (though I really, really, really, really, really, really really really don't want that!). Also, I would like to point out how masterfully this is being dragged on, the uncertaintly of Glory's fate. We (those who like her) have been devasteted by chapter 71, but it turns out she can still die. That would be painful.

So, Angel is gone, huh? So, this means that Blackjack can do soul magic? Or did she just get a boost from the moondust and moonstone to her mind magic? Since mind is what connects soul to a body, it could be... right? (Also, I have just now recalled that one Rampage's souls is called Angel "of Death"! I had created a new FoE story where main character is named Angel [self advertisment for the win! ;p], now I will have to be carefull if I ever plan to mention Rampage in there...).

So wait, Angel wanted to give the entire planet a hug?
[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion Versus_abridged__melvin_vs_alucard_by_jerzeycj-d744ppk
Gentlemen, we need to find a way to add crazy Rampage to those internet memes...

Okay, I think that's all I wanted to cover for now I think... I will probably recall something tomorrow, but won't have energy to write...

Oh, one more thing! In the beginning, word "feet" was often used, like "I got on my feet" (well, I can remember twice that happening, so maybe not often...), instead of "hooves".
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Post by Epsilon Mon Feb 02, 2015 2:08 am

She just wants a hug!:

Seriously though, great chapter as always you guys. I get the feeling that Blackjack's going to be taking a swim in that lake of Flux before engaging Cognitum, though. That would certainly make for one hell of a final battle.
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Post by O. Hinds Mon Feb 02, 2015 2:36 am

Borsuq wrote:Oh, one more thing! In the beginning, word "feet" was often used, like "I got on my feet" (well, I can remember twice that happening, so maybe not often...), instead of "hooves".
Thank you. This has been brought up before, however, and it has been declared that "feet" is in such contexts valid.
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Post by Icy Shake Mon Feb 02, 2015 3:21 am

O. Hinds wrote:
Borsuq wrote:Oh, one more thing! In the beginning, word "feet" was often used, like "I got on my feet" (well, I can remember twice that happening, so maybe not often...), instead of "hooves".
Thank you.  This has been brought up before, however, and it has been declared that "feet" is in such contexts valid.
Similarly, it kind of gets me when people say "arms" is wrong for forelegs. Okay, only "forearm" for part of it is really, unambiguously correct, but come on, it's a logical extension. Isn't it? Tilt

Chapter Seventy Three Running Thoughts:
Chapter Seventy Three Overall Thoughts:
Chapter Seventy Three Editing:
Thank you, Somber and co., for a very enjoyable chapter. I look forward to the rest of Blackjack's moon adventure whenever it happens to come out. You chose a great cliffhanger location.


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Post by Epsilon Mon Feb 02, 2015 3:36 am

I think you got your running thoughts and your overall thoughts mixed up there, Icy. Spike

Not really sure how I should feel about the possibility of Glory surviving, though. Said it before, but I really don't think it'd be a good idea to have her somehow defy the conventions of logic and survive. I'd love to see some manner of final send-off for her though, say if the Eater managed to capture her soul and Blackjack was therefore given the chance to communicate with her before the end. But to have her actually survive, especially through such an emotional climax as C71? I don't know... that really just doesn't sit well with me.
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Post by WavemasterRyx Mon Feb 02, 2015 4:09 am

*nuzzles Somber and Hinds each just barely*


Chapter 73 Commentary:
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Post by O. Hinds Mon Feb 02, 2015 8:09 am

@Icy Shake:
Ah, thank you.

Icy Shake wrote:"cloudsville"
Hm, I tend not to edit the author's notes, but this might impair feedback and the like, so...

Icy Shake wrote:Well, the first time she tried to fight a doctor with a spoon she lost, but this time she probably has magic, and definitely has non-jelly legs.
I thought that too.  swicked, had forgotten the spoon scene, though, so I went back to look it up... and she actually did win.  Granted, it's not certain how long her victory would have lasted, given that the her escape plan was interrupted by finding out escape wasn't necessary, but still.

Icy Shake wrote:Damn it, now I'm thinking about Scotch's vagina. This is your fault. At least it wasn't humming.
It was in the original version, actually.  :)

@Ryx:
Glad you liked it.
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Post by ILM126 Mon Feb 02, 2015 9:32 am

Oh wait... 73 was released today? (12am Tuesday here)
Yay! I'm reading it now! Fluttershy
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Post by Somber Mon Feb 02, 2015 10:56 am

Ugh.  S.A.T.S.  Why'd I forget all about it?  Ugh... sorry.

Anyway, thank you very much for the commentary.  I'm glad the story was alright.  I'm really sorry for the next chapter.
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Post by O. Hinds Mon Feb 02, 2015 7:55 pm

As I am.  Sorry.  Even with five people on the team and all the time we spent working on the chapter, it seems none of us noticed that.  Well, it could have slipped Blackjack's mind too, I suppose.

Thanks, swicked.
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Post by Icy Shake Tue Feb 03, 2015 12:15 am

O. Hinds wrote:
Icy Shake wrote:Well, the first time she tried to fight a doctor with a spoon she lost, but this time she probably has magic, and definitely has non-jelly legs.
I thought that too.  swicked, had forgotten the spoon scene, though, so I went back to look it up... and she actually did win.  Granted, it's not certain how long her victory would have lasted, given that the her escape plan was interrupted by finding out escape wasn't necessary, but still.
Yeah, I was thinking more in terms of where she'd go from there.

O. Hinds wrote:
Icy Shake wrote:Damn it, now I'm thinking about Scotch's vagina. This is your fault. At least it wasn't humming.
It was in the original version, actually.  :)
Well, as long as that's what I was supposed to be thinking.  Spike
Which it sounds like it was.

swicked wrote:
Icy Shake wrote:
Spoiler:
Spoiler:
I think that getting around to playing Fallouts 1 and 2, reading up on things, and just generally seeing how much of that sort of thing was actually in there (to say nothing of, for instance, their Mike Tyson), really helped me to loosen up about the references in PH. I'm happy for that, because, among other things, it's made Stronghoof a lot more enjoyable.

Somber wrote:Anyway, thank you very much for the commentary.  I'm glad the story was alright.  I'm really sorry for the next chapter.
You're welcome, as always! But now you're making me worried!  Derpy Hooves
It's a good thing. Exciting and all that.

swicked wrote:
Somber wrote:Ugh.  S.A.T.S.  Why'd I forget all about it?  Ugh... sorry.
Eh, it's hardly all your fault. I'm sorry for it, too.
Shouldn't happen again, though. I'm adding it to my brushing checklist in-between "Boo" and "Rampage's mentats addiction".
O. Hinds wrote:As I am.  Sorry.  Even with five people on the team and all the time we spent working on the chapter, it seems none of us noticed that.  Well, it could have slipped Blackjack's mind too, I suppose.
Eh, things get missed, sometimes. And it's not like it made a big difference, since all of those were cases where I could see S.A.T.S. still not getting her what she needed. (High agility and -AC opponent, needing crits + high follow-up rolls against Rampage, it just being a bad shot below the thrown room, plus the added difficulty of using a battle saddle instead of levitation . . . ) But it's something I'd expect her to use, at any rate, even if it didn't help that much. And yes, it could just slip her mind, but then, it's not something I buy quite as easily as, for example, the various peripheral things she forgot about while aboard Storm Chaser's ship; fighting is just what she does, and what she had been trained to do before that, and S.A.T.S. has always been a part of that. Again, not the biggest deal, but kind of distracting while it's going on.

A bit more editing:

Also fixed my other post. Thanks, Epsilon.
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Post by O. Hinds Tue Feb 03, 2015 1:23 am

@Icy Shake:
...So are you saying that you think we should to go back and edit all of that, or not?

Thank you for the corrections, though. However, your 72 corrections appear to in fact be for 73.

Icy Shake wrote:unnecessary comma
Unnecessary, yes, but I think that it's doing the job there of portraying the particular pacing of the speech.
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Post by Icy Shake Tue Feb 03, 2015 1:28 am

O. Hinds wrote:@Icy Shake:
...So are you saying that you think we should to go back and edit all of that, or not?

Thank you for the corrections, though.  However, your 72 corrections appear to in fact be for 73.

Icy Shake wrote:unnecessary comma
Unnecessary, yes, but I think that it's doing the job there of portraying the particular pacing of the speech.
No. It's probably not worth the effort for that minor payoff.

Sorry. Forgot what the most recent chapter was. I'm kind of low on sleep.

Sounds good.
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Post by O. Hinds Tue Feb 03, 2015 2:52 am

Icy Shake wrote:No. It's probably not worth the effort for that minor payoff.
Ah, thanks!

Icy Shake wrote:Sorry. Forgot what the most recent chapter was. I'm kind of low on sleep.
No problem; I quite understand. :)
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Post by Valikdu Tue Feb 03, 2015 9:33 am

Icy Shake wrote:Oh. Well, I'm having trouble deciding just what to think now.

Well, as long as it doesn't want to solve the conflict between synthetic and organic life, I think we'll be fine.
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Post by Somber Tue Feb 03, 2015 9:42 am

Could be worse...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K3OXs_5AD2A
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Post by Dekshuduph Tue Feb 03, 2015 8:03 pm

73 edits:
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Post by O. Hinds Tue Feb 03, 2015 8:15 pm

@Dekshuduph:
Ah, thank you.

Dekshuduph wrote:Thought ponies normally have four legs. I must be doing the math wrong.
...Um. Yes? They also normally have only one head and aren't described by the phrase "profanity of flesh".

Dekshuduph wrote:I feel it'd flow better if there was a comma after 'whoa'.
Hm... I don't think so, sorry.

Dekshuduph wrote:'Vigor'. 'Vigor'? Unless I'm missing something obvious... 'vigor'.
"vinegar" is correct.
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Post by CD Tue Feb 03, 2015 8:24 pm

O. Hinds wrote:
Dekshuduph wrote:'Vigor'. 'Vigor'? Unless I'm missing something obvious... 'vigor'.
"vinegar" is correct.

Are you certain? Because vinegar's meaning of a cooking acid does not gel as well as vigour, a state of intense action. Is vinegar supposed to indicate an acidic mood here? Because the sentence sounds like vigour would indeed be more appropriate.
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Post by O. Hinds Tue Feb 03, 2015 9:31 pm

It's an admittedly relatively uncommon phrasing, but it is a valid one. I'm not entirely sure why Somber picked it over something more usual, though. Then again, I wanted to name one of the Thunderheads "Indefatigable", so...
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Post by Icy Shake Tue Feb 03, 2015 11:30 pm

Somber wrote:Could be worse...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K3OXs_5AD2A
That was fun. Should have chosen a higher-contrast for the subtitles, though. Never did see the second or third of those, or all of them, at any rate.

CD wrote:
O. Hinds wrote:
Dekshuduph wrote:'Vigor'. 'Vigor'? Unless I'm missing something obvious... 'vigor'.
"vinegar" is correct.

Are you certain? Because vinegar's meaning of a cooking acid does not gel as well as vigour, a state of intense action. Is vinegar supposed to indicate an acidic mood here? Because the sentence sounds like vigour would indeed be more appropriate.
Yep. See here and here for related information, or here for an example of its use.

O. Hinds wrote:It's an admittedly relatively uncommon phrasing, but it is a valid one.  I'm not entirely sure why Somber picked it over something more usual, though.  Then again, I wanted to name one of the Thunderheads "Indefatigable", so...
Look, if my first instinct (correct, as it turns out) is that that has to have been the name of a British capital ship, it probably won't make a great pony name. But maybe that's just me.
Wait, you said Thunderheads, not Thunderbolts. Carry on. Though I maintain that Victorious doesn't really fit with Glorious Dawn and Overcast. But given it, Triumphant was certainly more restrained than Indefatigable.
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Post by CD Wed Feb 04, 2015 2:24 am

O. Hinds wrote:It's an admittedly relatively uncommon phrasing, but it is a valid one.  I'm not entirely sure why Somber picked it over something more usual, though.  Then again, I wanted to name one of the Thunderheads "Indefatigable", so...
Inconceivable!
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Post by JadedPony Wed Feb 04, 2015 4:08 am

eagle claws, lion paws, and snake tails.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Gotta love those long odds. Somber, I have new respect for you.
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Post by SilentCarto Sat Feb 07, 2015 5:38 pm

All right! Chapter 73! I know you've all been wondering where I'd gone...

*cricket* *cricket*

...jerks...

Well, anyway, on with the commentary! Pretty short this time because I spent so much of the chapter clinging to the edge of my seat.

Chapter 73 Commentary:

Editing:
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Post by O. Hinds Sat Feb 07, 2015 8:00 pm

@SilentCarto:
Ah, thank you.

SilentCarto wrote:I may not understand what's going on here. The pink shape is Pisces, of course, but isn't Capri blue? Who's this green seapony?
Probably a mistake. Somber may say otherwise, of course, but I'm going to go ahead and change "chartreuse" to "blue". Oh, or "turquoise", since it looks like that's what Capri seems to have been originally described as.

SilentCarto wrote:Uh. That may be the most epic three paragraphs I've read in a while.
SilentCarto wrote:Make that four paragraphs.
Yes, Somber's writing certainly is still "horrible". :)
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[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion Empty Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Icy Shake Sat Feb 07, 2015 9:50 pm

@SilentCarto: You were quicker on the uptake than I was, at any rate. But the thing about Luna is still kind of sitting weird with me, since she seemed much more sympathetic when she contacted Blackjack under the Core than in the Shadowlands. Maybe it's the effect of being attached to Cognitum's mind.

O. Hinds wrote:
SilentCarto wrote:Uh. That may be the most epic three paragraphs I've read in a while.
SilentCarto wrote:Make that four paragraphs.
Yes, Somber's writing certainly is still "horrible".  :)
I may have done that more like this: "Yes, Somber's writing certainly is still """"horrible""""." But then, I'd guess there aren't enough scare-quotes in the world to do that sentence justice. Spike
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[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion Empty Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by SilentCarto Sun Feb 08, 2015 12:41 am

Icy Shake wrote:I may have done that more like this: "Yes, Somber's writing certainly is still """"horrible""""." But then, I'd guess there aren't enough scare-quotes in the world to do that sentence justice. Spike
Wait, if you scare-quote a scare-quoted word, doesn't that mean you didn't really mean the scare-quotes?
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[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion Empty Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Icy Shake Sun Feb 08, 2015 12:47 am

There are different potential views on the matter. It sounds like you're taking a negative-multiplicative route; mine works more along the lines of an additive or supra-unitary-positive-multiplicative interpretation.
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