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[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by O. Hinds on Tue Feb 24, 2015 5:17 am

@Icy Shake:
Ah, thank you very much as always.
Hm, and a pleasantly surprisingly small number of errors to fix this week, it looks like. :)

Icy Shake wrote:Also I'm glad that someone she met feels that way. Seriously.
Now that I think of it, that was probably really awkward for the first Harbinger she tried it on.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by ILM126 on Tue Feb 24, 2015 9:37 am

O. Hinds wrote:
ILM126 wrote:Is there a standard measurement for the Equus system?
This one not really, I suppose.

ILM126 wrote:And I just use Minmus as the sun and the Mun the Moon, just still working it out ^^
Hm, clever, though Minmus is almost certainly at a significantly wrong inclination.

Or I can just quickly learn how to move Minmus for it to be level with the Earth and make a rocket that looks like TOM and send it slingshoting between the systems before crashing into KSC :) Spike

I got a few more screenshots up, but I didn't upload the one I did today. I successfully landed on the Mun with a SSTO but it crashed because I accidentally landed it on a slope 9_6

It was the Mk4 revision 3, so, yay!


Note: I upload screenshots when ever I have a free 30 min typing up all the dialogues for the screenshots. The latest screenshot I've uploaded is of the Mk2 Test Flight 4(or 5?). So far, I've spend around 8~12 hours on this mini-project. And most of it is offline Applebloom
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by O. Hinds on Tue Feb 24, 2015 10:36 am

Interesting. What are you using for engines? A custom mod?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by RoboRed on Tue Feb 24, 2015 11:16 am

Icy Shake wrote:Those're some nice musical options, there.
(not sure if got joke with mine or is just being silly)


On a more serious note, this would fit well on repeat (turned up a bit, since it's quiet. I wasn't even aware for over half a year that there was actually something playing for this):
silent:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xjBSvJOsziI

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jacky2734 wrote:((Aonee, don't make me invent a way to punch you over the internet.))
((If you do, I will invent a Korean technique to block it with someone else's face. And, construct more pylons.))

CamoBadger wrote:((Wow, zebra incest is powerful shit))

Mister Frost's friend, "Darren" wrote:"I'm scared to break up with her, though. Her dad's an ex-marine; if I make her cry he'll club me over the head with a pillowcase full of doorknobs and Tom Clancy novels."

Sindri wrote:This is a thread for fans of a fanfiction of a fanfiction about murderous miniature pastel equines in a grimdark post-apocalyptic future.
If you wanted to stay anywhere near socially acceptable, you should have taken a left turn about three layers of WTF back.

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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by JadedPony on Tue Feb 24, 2015 1:22 pm

O. Hinds wrote:There aren't really a lot of cloud structures left over Hoofington anyway, though, are there?

Tom is ten thousand tonnes of moonstone. Just for comparison, the meteor that exploded over russia was 10 tons and it created a shock wave that was the equivalent to 300,000 tons of TNT. The infra-sound shock wave was measured over most of the globe. When Tom enters the atmosphere, every piece of glass in every cloud city around the world is going to shatter, most likely the Pegasus' will be tossed around like leafs on the wind and their cities will be displaced by miles suffering significant structural damage. Tom will set the Enclave back decades and force them to trade with the surface, like it or not.

Unless... he uses some magic to knock himself out of phase with the atmosphere like The Twins then he can sail through the atmo until the last moment, losing no mass and having maximum impact.

Alternatively, if he is out of phase the magic of the "Net" would still catch him and allow the reactor to harness his power.
Also if he misses all together he could just phase right through the planet and not hurt anything.

I would think that if you just wanted to fire a big hunk of rock at the planet you wouldn't need a star spirit in it. So maybe he is in the rock for the purpose of keeping it ghost until the process is complete? Having a pilot for something that dangerous sounds like something Goldie would have thought of.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by tylertoon2 on Tue Feb 24, 2015 1:30 pm

RoboRed wrote:Wasn't there some talk waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay long ago in this thread or the general chat about the "boss music" for when Blackjack fights Cognitum?

This is literally a dual in the throne room of a giant castle shaped Cannon on the fucking moon. This shit NEEDS to be as Hot Blooded(Don't click its a trap) as can be!

Spoiler:
This
    

Or Perhaps as I suggested before, and given her tendency for monologuing, the extra build up is probably needed. 


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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Harmony Ltd. on Tue Feb 24, 2015 1:54 pm

I'm happy to see a Perturbator song make it to that list.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by tylertoon2 on Tue Feb 24, 2015 1:57 pm

Harmony Ltd. wrote:I'm happy to see a Perturbator song make it to that list.
 
I've been on a hotline miami kick waiting for the second to come out. 

Speaking of which for a fight with the eater? There's something that fits your description
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by JadedPony on Tue Feb 24, 2015 4:07 pm

I've always thought that this was the best theme song for Blackjack:



I can totally see her singing this while drunk.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Vergil on Tue Feb 24, 2015 4:20 pm

Re: Music for Cogs: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JiLHKyLlg70
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Somber on Tue Feb 24, 2015 7:49 pm

I love your recaps Icy.  I'd forgotten that BJ had talked to Luna already.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Epsilon on Tue Feb 24, 2015 9:23 pm

@Cognitum Music

Personally, I'm quite partial to the score for Anno 2070 here. The climax for this track in particular seems rather fitting.

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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by RoboRed on Tue Feb 24, 2015 9:37 pm

tylertoon2 wrote:*snip*
Perturbator-Vengeance wins for Cogs battle.

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CamoBadger wrote:((Wow, zebra incest is powerful shit))

Mister Frost's friend, "Darren" wrote:"I'm scared to break up with her, though. Her dad's an ex-marine; if I make her cry he'll club me over the head with a pillowcase full of doorknobs and Tom Clancy novels."

Sindri wrote:This is a thread for fans of a fanfiction of a fanfiction about murderous miniature pastel equines in a grimdark post-apocalyptic future.
If you wanted to stay anywhere near socially acceptable, you should have taken a left turn about three layers of WTF back.

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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Icy Shake on Tue Feb 24, 2015 9:40 pm

O. Hinds wrote:@Icy Shake:
Ah, thank you very much as always.
Hm, and a pleasantly surprisingly small number of errors to fix this week, it looks like.  :)
I'm kind of expecting it to be smaller from here on out than it had been for a while.

O. Hinds wrote:
Icy Shake wrote:Also I'm glad that someone she met feels that way. Seriously.
Now that I think of it, that was probably really awkward for the first  Harbinger she tried it on.
I just imagine her getting some Harbinger alone, putting the moves on him, him trying to push her back without insulting the guest and intelligence asset, and right as she's pushing really hard and lifting her tail, the Harbinger's supervisor walks in, saying "The hell is going on here?" He, of course, tries saying what happened, but gets cut off and tossed in a cell (works even better if he'd liked to spend a lot of time in Flank or something before joining up). Then, a few days or a week later, the door to the cell opens up and Supervisor walks in, saying, "I think I owe you an apology."

RoboRed wrote:
Icy Shake wrote:Those're some nice musical options, there.
(not sure if got joke with mine or is just being silly)


On a more serious note, this would fit well on repeat (turned up a bit, since it's quiet. I wasn't even aware for over half a year that there was actually something playing for this):
silent:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xjBSvJOsziI
As far as the concept goes, I was serious. Obviously it'd be better with a lead-in rising in intensity before the sound just cuts out entirely (and matched to appropriate gameplay/cutscene footage, but I don't think the point here was a full production) as things really get started.

JadedPony wrote:I've always thought that this was the best theme song for Blackjack:



I can totally see her singing this while drunk.
I like the lyrics, but even for drunk-downtime Blackjack the music seems too laid-back for me.

Somber wrote:I love your recaps Icy.  I'd forgotten that BJ had talked to Luna already.
Happy as ever to hear that, thank you. Well, it's a big story, and over a year since.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by SilentCarto on Tue Feb 24, 2015 11:14 pm

JadedPony wrote:Tom is ten thousand tonnes of moonstone. Just for comparison, the meteor that exploded over russia was 10 tons and it created a shock wave that was the equivalent to 300,000 tons of TNT. The infra-sound shock wave was measured over most of the globe. When Tom enters the atmosphere, every piece of glass in every cloud city around the world is going to shatter, most likely the Pegasus' will be tossed around like leafs on the wind and their cities will be displaced by miles suffering significant structural damage. Tom will set the Enclave back decades and force them to trade with the surface, like it or not.
Not quite. First, blast pressue scales up as (approximately) 2/3 of yield, but drops off as the cube root of distance. That means that each additional megaton you add to a blast adds a diminishing distance to its blast radius. A 300 kt blast like the one at Chelyabinsk, occurring at ground level, would have an blast-effect radius of about 3.4 km. (Specifically, we're discussing the 5 psi overpressure radius, which is enough to destroy most civilian structures and kill unprotected humans.) A blast ten times that size, 3 Mt, just about doubles the radius to 7.3 km. The biggest nuclear bomb ever detonated, the 50 Mt "Tsar Bomba", still would have only hit 18.7 km if it were detonated on the ground. (I'm not using airbursts because the optimal altitude varies by yield and desired effect, and we're talking about Tom hitting the ground anyway. Numbers calculated by NukeMap.)

Second, the Chelyabinsk meteor caused an explosion like that because it shattered when it hit a thicker layer of air and dumped all its kinetic energy into the atmosphere. If we assume Tom to be more or less unbreakable, it would deposit very little energy in the air and spend it all converting solid bedrock into crater, which costs a lot of energy for not much hole. You'd likely end up with something similar to Barringer Crater (AKA Meteor Crater, Arizona), which was created by a 50m diameter nickel-iron meteorite weighing 300,000 metric tons. (For reference, a sphere of quartz weighing 10,000 metric tons would be just under 19.5 meters across.) Now, granted, the crater is over a kilometer across, and that's a big damn hole. But it's not that big a deal on a global scale -- the Earth has suffered many events of greater violence in human history that didn't shatter windows worldwide, including Krakatoa, the Siberian Fireball, and several nuclear weapons.

Of course, that assumes he doesn't hit a giant deposit of starmetal first.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Somber on Wed Feb 25, 2015 2:47 am

Helps if that deposit isn't buried, isn't it?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by ILM126 on Wed Feb 25, 2015 2:57 am

O. Hinds wrote:Interesting.  What are you using for engines?  A custom mod?

I'm using CKAN to install my mods, but the few that get used by this rocket are. I'll only put the ones for parts below.


  • Real Fuels
  • MechJeb 2
  • Tweak Scale
  • Kerbal Joint Reinforcement
  • Near Future Solar (Has Equestrians found Solar power yet?)
  • KineTech Animation Library?
  • RLA Stockalike


And for the module

  • SpaceX Launch Pack LR by LazTek


Plus I have more that helps makes launching rockets easier. I'm uploading some more screenshots now, here. Got a few more prototypes to go before the ESS-A1 is completed! Fluttershy
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by O. Hinds on Wed Feb 25, 2015 6:32 am

Oh, are you not trying to model the behavior of MTRpg and LAMTRpg engines?

ILM126 wrote:Has Equestrians found Solar power yet?
FoE gives them some solar power tech, yes (the Hope Solar Array and New Hope Solar Array). I don't know the details, though, I'm afraid.
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Another Big Replies And Rocket Stuff

Post by ILM126 on Wed Feb 25, 2015 7:09 am



That is the ESS-A1 Mk4 (Finite Fuel Version) on the launch pad about to travel to the Mun (Moon), that is just a modified version of the ESS-A1 Mk4 that I'm planning, this is just a very quick revision of my original rocket.

ESS-A1 on launch pad:






Here's it viewed from the top, with the few boosters rockets that I got strapped onto the side here.


ESS-A1 launching:





And here's it launching from KSC (Kerbal Space Centre) with MechJeb 2 controlling it with Ascent Guidance for it to reach it's intended Parking Orbit before doing a Hohmann transfer to reach the Mun. Which is what I presumed was done in the story. Or, since the ESS-A1 have infinite fuel, it might have just aimed itself at the Moon and just did a direct transfer. Which reduces travel time by a lot.

Doing a Gravity Turn:



And Orbit Insertion and Gravity Turn!

Escaping Kerbin, to the Mun!:



After one orbit around Kerbin (Earth) the ESS-A1 does a Hohmann Transfer to the Mun. All done without "Infinite Fuel" on!

Amazing View!:



And a panoramic view of the rocket with both the Sun and Kerbin in the background =D

Approaching the Mun:



And the approach of the Mun, as the rocket got closer. I prepare for the landing.

Preparing for landing:



This looks just about right, but then I decided to go for a direct landing in fear of running out of fuel.

Seconds to crashing into Mun:



Coming in for the landing, I hope this time that it wouldn't fail like my previous attempts ^^"

Deceleration:



And landing, the rocket actually jumped a few times before landing... On a slope at the edge of a crater...

Oh well, I'll have another try:



Yeah.. So... It landed on the crater slope and fell over... I still need to work on the rocket landing and the location of where I land...

And more words on the rocket and my idea of the Equus Solar System below!


More Thoughts On Project Horizons' Solar System and Rockets:

So that was one of my test launches of my ESS-A1 Mk4 yesterday. I'm hoping to finish testing the fuel system and find the fastest way to get to the moon without crashing. This time, with infinite fuel!


And @Somber is there a name for the space agency? I thought up of some not very creative names. "Equestrian Astronaut Project", "Equestrian Space Agency", "Project Starbound", or "The Lunar Solaris Project". Just something I thought up.


My idea of the Equus Solar System is that Equus is in the middle of the system and the Moon & Sun orbits around the planet. Before Luna and Celestia brought Harmony over Equestria thousand of years ago, the Moon and Sun orbit Equus erratically. With uneven days and nights, but when Luna & Celestia defeated Discord, both of them sorted out the orbits so that they will be on the opposite sides of Equus everyday.


So what see every time when either of them uses their magic to raise the Sun and Moon, they do that to keep both Celestial objects on tract in their orbit. So when the bombs fell and "both" of them died, both the celestial objects went out of sync. So, if I do rememeber correctly, in previous chapters of PH a pegasi mentioned an eclipse happened years after the B-Day event.


But the distance between the Sun and Moon causes the eclipse to cover the whole planet, instead of only a small section of the surface as with our planet. Then that would be why pegasi all over Equestria could have seen the eclipse. But for that to happen, the sun would have to be tiny. Which means that the physics of Equestria is very different to ours (hence, the magic that happens over there). I drew a design of how the Equus solar system would have looked like if we viewed it from the side. I posted it on dA, you can see that here.


But the idea is still something I'm still trying to finalise. If anything else pops up, I'll let you guys know ^^


O. Hinds wrote:Oh, are you not trying to model the behavior of MTRpg and LAMTRpg engines?

MTRpg, LAMTRpg..... Where did you mentioned these two... um... words? Plus, it runs on Liquid Hydrogen and Liquid Oxygen.

As for the rockets, my friend saw a flaw in my Mk2 design and fixed it up a bit (he built the whole thing from scratch, saying how and where my rocket's "stuff" went wrong. So I tuned up his design to fit for PH and made Mk4). And I did a successfull landing of the rocket back on Kerbin after 1 orbit, but I forgot to record it ^^"

But I did get some screenshots! Here's the one that showed it after landing XD

ESS-A1 Mk4 Test 3's Successful Landing!:


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Umm, there's a hole..

Post by ILM126 on Wed Feb 25, 2015 7:13 am

SilentCarto wrote:
JadedPony wrote:Tom is ten thousand tonnes of moonstone. Just for comparison, the meteor that exploded over russia was 10 tons and it created a shock wave that was the equivalent to 300,000 tons of TNT. The infra-sound shock wave was measured over most of the globe. When Tom enters the atmosphere, every piece of glass in every cloud city around the world is going to shatter, most likely the Pegasus' will be tossed around like leafs on the wind and their cities will be displaced by miles suffering significant structural damage. Tom will set the Enclave back decades and force them to trade with the surface, like it or not.
Not quite. First, blast pressue scales up as (approximately) 2/3 of yield, but drops off as the cube root of distance. That means that each additional megaton you add to a blast adds a diminishing distance to its blast radius. A 300 kt blast like the one at Chelyabinsk, occurring at ground level, would have an blast-effect radius of about 3.4 km. (Specifically, we're discussing the 5 psi overpressure radius, which is enough to destroy most civilian structures and kill unprotected humans.) A blast ten times that size, 3 Mt, just about doubles the radius to 7.3 km. The biggest nuclear bomb ever detonated, the 50 Mt "Tsar Bomba", still would have only hit 18.7 km if it were detonated on the ground. (I'm not using airbursts because the optimal altitude varies by yield and desired effect, and we're talking about Tom hitting the ground anyway. Numbers calculated by NukeMap.)

Second, the Chelyabinsk meteor caused an explosion like that because it shattered when it hit a thicker layer of air and dumped all its kinetic energy into the atmosphere. If we assume Tom to be more or less unbreakable, it would deposit very little energy in the air and spend it all converting solid bedrock into crater, which costs a lot of energy for not much hole. You'd likely end up with something similar to Barringer Crater (AKA Meteor Crater, Arizona), which was created by a 50m diameter nickel-iron meteorite weighing 300,000 metric tons. (For reference, a sphere of quartz weighing 10,000 metric tons would be just under 19.5 meters across.) Now, granted, the crater is over a kilometer across, and that's a big damn hole. But it's not that big a deal on a global scale -- the Earth has suffered many events of greater violence in human history that didn't shatter windows worldwide, including Krakatoa, the Siberian Fireball, and several nuclear weapons.

Of course, that assumes he doesn't hit a giant deposit of starmetal first.

Yeah, but TOM wouldn't have to go through much. Because there's already a hole that goes from the surface to the Starmetal, the hole that's in the middle of the Minstry Square...
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by O. Hinds on Wed Feb 25, 2015 8:02 am

ILM126 wrote:Which is what I presumed was done in the story. Or, since the ESS-A1 have infinite fuel, it might have just aimed itself at the Moon and just did a direct transfer. Which reduces travel time by a lot.
Not exactly infinite fuel, but yeah, it brachistochroned.

I'm afraid that I don't really understand your proposed eclipse mechanics for the Equus system, though.

ILM126 wrote:MTRpg, LAMTRpg..... Where did you mentioned these two... um... words?
Multiple places, including that editor's note and recently in this thread.

ILM126 wrote:Plus, it runs on Liquid Hydrogen and Liquid Oxygen.
Right, which neither the ESS-A1 or the older rockets do. That's what I'm asking about; I'm not really sure how accurate you're trying to make these.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by ILM126 on Thu Feb 26, 2015 2:33 am

O. Hinds wrote:
ILM126 wrote:Which is what I presumed was done in the story. Or, since the ESS-A1 have infinite fuel, it might have just aimed itself at the Moon and just did a direct transfer. Which reduces travel time by a lot.
Not exactly infinite fuel, but yeah, it brachistochroned.

I'm afraid that I don't really understand your proposed eclipse mechanics for the Equus system, though.

ILM126 wrote:MTRpg, LAMTRpg..... Where did you mentioned these two... um... words?
Multiple places, including that editor's note and recently in this thread.

ILM126 wrote:Plus, it runs on Liquid Hydrogen and Liquid Oxygen.
Right, which neither the ESS-A1 or the older rockets do.  That's what I'm asking about; I'm not really sure how accurate you're trying to make these.

The reason why I chose to make the orbits a bit ecliptic is because there's no pony guiding the moon and sun around Equus, so that's why it would be slightly ecliptic.

Alright.. MTR, Magic Thermal Rockets and LAMTR, LOX-augmented Magic Thermal Rocket... Let me think how I should incorprate into the rocket engine.

Ahhh.. Ooops, just read the Editor Notes again. So it's like nuclear power... Nuclear engines then ^^" Just change the design a tiny bit.



Alrighti-o, now to make those changes...
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by O. Hinds on Thu Feb 26, 2015 3:24 am

Right, the "fuel" is inside the reactor, and the propellant is a non-mixture gas that shouldn't be undergoing any chemical reactions inside the ship except during LAMTRpg mode. Here, though, the fuel isn't just providing the heat, it's actually driving onboard propellant creation too.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by ILM126 on Thu Feb 26, 2015 5:25 pm

O. Hinds wrote:Right, the "fuel" is inside the reactor, and the propellant is a non-mixture gas that shouldn't be undergoing any chemical reactions inside the ship except during LAMTRpg mode.  Here, though, the fuel isn't just providing the heat, it's actually driving onboard propellant creation too.

Alright, I'll see if I couldn't get a mod for this or I just make a mod by myself. It might take me a few weeks because school is on now for me.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by O. Hinds on Thu Feb 26, 2015 8:40 pm

Ah, good luck.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Blue Heron on Sun Mar 01, 2015 1:51 am

So I'm re-reading horizons in full because I have Swiss cheese memory, and in chapter 57 I recall a line was taken out about crumpet favoring the mares and replaced with the four left feet line. Then this exchange happens:

“You’re Morning Glory, right?” Crumpets asked Glory, and the blue pegasus swapped her amused look at me to a nod at the yellow-brown mare. “I was wondering if we could talk a little. We found some notes on the virus in Blackjack’s bedroom, and I was hoping you might have some advice on making sure the recycler is clean.”
Glory frowned and looked from Crumpets to me. “I… um… I’m not sure this is a good time…”
“Oh go on. This sounds like something Rainbow Dash couldn’t do,” I said with a warm smile. Glory blinked, then smiled back. I couldn’t resist, grinning and saying in a much lower voice, “And you heard what she said.” She looked at me flatly as I grinned back.
“You have some kind of personal vendetta against monogamy, don’t you?” Glory countered.
I spread my hooves wide. “Love wants to be free!”

Which to me now doesn't make sense with the four left feet ramark. Anyone else?

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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by O. Hinds on Sun Mar 01, 2015 2:40 am

Sigh. We seem to always miss something...
Thanks, though!
Unfortunately, the best I could think of was replacing
“Oh go on.  This sounds like something Rainbow Dash couldn’t do,” I said with a warm smile.  Glory blinked, then smiled back.  I couldn’t resist, grinning and saying in a much lower voice, “And you heard what she said.”  She looked at me flatly as I grinned back.
    “You have some kind of personal vendetta against monogamy, don’t you?” Glory countered.
    I spread my hooves wide.  “Love wants to be free!”
    “You’re impossible,” she said with a smile and a shake of her head.  Then she turned to Crumpets.  “I think we can talk a bit.  Let’s get a drink first.”
with
“Oh go on.  This sounds like something Rainbow Dash couldn’t do,” I said with a warm smile.  Glory blinked, then smiled back.  
"Thanks, Blackjack."  Then she turned to Crumpets.  “I think we can talk a bit.  Let’s get a drink first.”
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Icy Shake on Sun Mar 01, 2015 3:10 am

O. Hinds wrote:Sigh.  We seem to always miss something...
Thanks, though!
Unfortunately, the best I could think of was replacing
“Oh go on.  This sounds like something Rainbow Dash couldn’t do,” I said with a warm smile.  Glory blinked, then smiled back.  I couldn’t resist, grinning and saying in a much lower voice, “And you heard what she said.”  She looked at me flatly as I grinned back.
    “You have some kind of personal vendetta against monogamy, don’t you?” Glory countered.
    I spread my hooves wide.  “Love wants to be free!”
    “You’re impossible,” she said with a smile and a shake of her head.  Then she turned to Crumpets.  “I think we can talk a bit.  Let’s get a drink first.”
with
“Oh go on.  This sounds like something Rainbow Dash couldn’t do,” I said with a warm smile.  Glory blinked, then smiled back.  
"Thanks, Blackjack."  Then she turned to Crumpets.  “I think we can talk a bit.  Let’s get a drink first.”
Aww. :( I really liked the vendetta/love wants to be free exchange, and think that it was an important piece leading up to the stuff between Blackjack and Glory at the end of the chapter. Do you think it could be preserved with the addition of some body language/vocal cues Blackjack could pick up on, and Blackjack saying something like "And besides, I think she might have a thing for you/she might be interested in cleaning more than recyclers/studying some other biology too" as the segue instead? I think that you said the change was only to her not saying she was exclusively for mares, so it wouldn't be breaking anything as long as the conversation still flowed.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Blue Heron on Sun Mar 01, 2015 3:22 am

Oooooh good suggestion. I liked that exchange too! Now I feel bad :(

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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by O. Hinds on Sun Mar 01, 2015 4:17 am

Icy Shake wrote:Aww. :( I really liked the vendetta/love wants to be free exchange, and think that it was an important piece leading up to the stuff between Blackjack and Glory at the end of the chapter. Do you think it could be preserved with the addition of some body language/vocal cues Blackjack could pick up on, and Blackjack saying something like "And besides, I think she might have a thing for you/she might be interested in cleaning more than recyclers/studying some other biology too" as the segue instead? I think that you said the change was only to her not saying she was exclusively for mares, so it wouldn't be breaking anything as long as the conversation still flowed.
Ah, yes, good idea! Thank you.

Blue Heron wrote:Oooooh good suggestion. I liked that exchange too! Now I feel bad :(
No problem.


I didn't find anywhere to add body language/cues/etc., sorry (I'm rather tired and busy at the moment), but the passage now reads
“Oh go on.  This sounds like something Rainbow Dash couldn’t do,” I said with a warm smile.  Glory blinked, then smiled back.  I couldn’t resist, grinning and saying in a much lower voice, “And hey, since I have to keep the party going and Stronghoof's busy dancing, you two smart ponies will have to find a way to keep each other busy.”  She looked at me flatly as I grinned back. "After you're done studying biology, lots of places around here you could find some privacy to... study biology."
    “You have some kind of personal vendetta against monogamy, don’t you?” Glory countered dryly.
    I spread my hooves wide.  “Love wants to be free!”
    “You’re impossible,” she said with a smile and a shake of her head.  Then she turned to Crumpets.  “I think we can talk a bit.  Let’s get a drink first.”
That work? Sorry again for not figuring out how to do more.
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