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[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Frost on Mon Jan 26, 2015 12:11 am

You teach'n'shit, yeah? Offer extra credit to any student who can edit or critique your work, "to develop their critical analysis and advanced literary structure and grammar skills"

That's what we in the Army call shamming delegating
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by swicked on Mon Jan 26, 2015 12:56 am

Vergil wrote:Sometimes things take time. Usually they turn out all the better for it!
Nah, we just need to be more efficient, really.

I really like the chapter so far, though.

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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Somber on Mon Jan 26, 2015 1:28 am

No.  It's not that.  It was more just not able to get stuff together.  I really want Horizons finished before Everfree, but at this rate it's not going to happen... sigh...
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by swicked on Mon Jan 26, 2015 1:35 am

Somber wrote:No.  It's not that.  It was more just not able to get stuff together.  I really want Horizons finished before Everfree, but at this rate it's not going to happen... sigh...
I'm not sure what you mean by "get stuff together". You guys admitted to getting off on a bunch of tangents yesterday after I had to leave, too, so... I think efficiency is definitely part of it.

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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Icy Shake on Mon Jan 26, 2015 2:33 am

Frost wrote:You teach'n'shit, yeah? Offer extra credit to any student who can edit or critique your work, "to develop their critical analysis and advanced literary structure and grammar skills"

That's what we in the Army call shamming delegating
I can only imagine what would happen if he were caught doing that, even if he were in the position to as a full-time teacher. Still, can't deny the idea's fun!

swicked wrote:
Vergil wrote:Sometimes things take time. Usually they turn out all the better for it!
Nah, we just need to be more efficient, really.

I really like the chapter so far, though.
Glad to hear that part.


On the recent topic of drinking and punishment in 99:
Chapter 64 wrote:For the duration of her pregnancy, the expectant mother was supposed to take things easy. A mare that drank illegally, or did chems, or took risks was socially castigated. You simply didn’t do it when you were with child. Once the baby was born, things would return to normal; until then, you played it safe and wallowed in all the attention and well-wishes.
So it sounds like there's at least some room for punishment below death, and possibly even flogging. And that that's what happens when you drink while pregnant, merely drinking illegally probably wasn't that harshly punished. But again, I don't see illegally drinking on the job being looked at at all favorably.

Oh, and for big Blackjack fans, you might be interested in checking out "Sensation Comics Featuring Wonder Woman" #6. I think that there are some engaging parallels there, in both of the stories in the issue. Well, that and "Sensation" is probably the best Wonder Woman available right now in general, even if the art is kind of hit-and-miss. But that doesn't have much to do with this topic.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Frost on Mon Jan 26, 2015 3:00 am

"Delegating" work, "Acquiring" gear, "Scheduling an appointment", "Supervising" and "securing" an area are all skills that require a good bit of art and subtlety to perform. That's something that just about every work of fiction gets wrong--patriotism and dedication to one's cause are great, but there's only so much menial work you're going to get from an underpaid and overworked joe or all-that-plus-babysitter NCO.

The depiction of Lieutenant Butterbar eagerly telling a main character that "we stand ready to perform our duty without fail! [organizational motto]!" Is entirely accurate--so long as it includes his platoon standing behind him, collectively rolling their eyes and muttering "shut the fuck up....." Under their breath.


Last edited by Frost on Mon Jan 26, 2015 4:21 am; edited 1 time in total
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by O. Hinds on Mon Jan 26, 2015 3:50 am

Frost wrote:You teach'n'shit, yeah? Offer extra credit to any student who can edit or critique your work, "to develop their critical analysis and advanced literary structure and grammar skills"

That's what we in the Army call shamming delegating
[shudders]
After some of the stories Somber has told about students he's had, I don't want them anywhere near PH with editing permission.

Icy Shake wrote:Still, can't deny the idea's fun!
Nope. No no no. I don't know if Somber would be okay with me sharing some of the things he's told us publicly here, so I won't, but... Oh dear, the mess that could make.
(And yes, also probably illegal and whatnot.)
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Icy Shake on Mon Jan 26, 2015 8:38 pm

O. Hinds wrote:
Icy Shake wrote:Still, can't deny the idea's fun!
Nope.  No no no.  I don't know if Somber would be okay with me sharing some of the things he's told us publicly here, so I won't, but...  Oh dear, the mess that could make.
(And yes, also probably illegal and whatnot.)
Some things to remember:
1. There's a difference between fun for the people involved and fun for people watching.
2. Metaphorical train wrecks can be the latter (and, for some, literal too, I suppose).

But certainly, lots and lots of "fun" at different stages, like potentially getting flooded with submissions that will tend to be at best repetitive and at worst actively unhelpful; if you try to avoid that, it'd probably amount to favoritism; it's generally unethical to solicit help from students on personal projects; parents would tend to be unhappy with the violent content; same with the sex if it's a chapter that includes any, and if so, you could well be looking at employment and legal issues related to giving erotic materials to a student (and yet more so if they are a minor); and they would lack the requisite background knowledge of the story. I'm probably missing plenty.

But if the legal etc. issues weren't there, and there were no intent of actually trying to use the suggestions, I think it could be genuinely fun to see what a bunch of high school students getting dropped in at this late stage would come up with.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by O. Hinds on Mon Jan 26, 2015 11:30 pm

Icy Shake wrote:Some things to remember:
1. There's a difference between fun for the people involved and fun for people watching.
2. Metaphorical train wrecks can be the latter (and, for some, literal too, I suppose).
Ah, yes. This is true. :D
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Icy Shake on Tue Jan 27, 2015 12:55 am

Right. And don't take any of that to mean I'd value the entertainment value of watching the wreck play out over all the problems it would cause. Not everything we imagine is something we want to come true, after all.

So, a perceptive, acrobatic quadruped possessed by an often malicious (if sometimes playfully so) spirit of chaos? Sounds like a cat to me! Applebloom

Chapter Sixty Four Running Thoughts:
Rampage arched a brow and asked dryly, “So… what?  Those wings are just for show?”

Well, given how much Twilight uses hers, I'd say there's some precedent. Also, being in the open air seems dangerous.


“Luckily, Boo’d found a whole box of snack cakes five minutes before we’d gotten stuck in there,” I said with a smile at the beaming blank.

I think that a sentence structured "Boo [did something]" can almost have an assumed "luckily" at the start. :D


“So how’d you find us?” I asked quickly.
For a moment she was silent, and then she shrugged.  “I’ve got a zebra soul inside me, so naturally I’ve got crazy tracking skills.  They’re all natural trackers and survivalists and stuff.  Funny that way.”

An okay cover on the surface, but it doesn't really hold up to scrutiny: she does sometimes have the knowledge of the people absorbed by the talisman, but infrequently and unreliably, and this sort of thing would probably require closer to full-time Shujaa emergence. Beyond that, if you need to pause, you probably won't phrase it so confidently. Will say, though, that given she's hiding something, this is a question she should have anticipated and had a plan for.
Also, "They're all natual trackers and survivalists and stuff" is kinda racist, and not even true: see Xanthe, for instance.

“I’m pretty sure Xanthe didn’t have mad tracking skills,” I countered.

Well that was fast: normally it takes longer for that to happen.


“Unhuh,” I said skeptically, then grunted as my wings got caught on some dangling cables.  I jerked, pulled, and then slumped.  “Boo.”
   “Got it!” she clambered on my back and shoved, tugged, and yanked the wires off my metallic pinions.  Some day they were going to get me, or somepony, killed.

Did that happen already? If not, I'm now watching out for Cognitum to get her wings caught in something at a crucial moment, even if it doesn't make as much sense with a (copy of a) naturally winged pony.


“Well.  Not if you’re immortal.  But you two… yeah.  Worse.”  Her smile faded.  “You’re actually really smart to avoid the streets like a plague.  Those swarmers would be on you in seconds… and even worse likes to hide under the streets.”

Then why were you asking if the wings were just for show?


“Last time I was in here, one spent a month or two ripping me to pieces, eating me, and repeating the process on an hourly basis.  Trust me.  Being eaten alive really, really sucks.  Especially when you can’t die.”

Well, it wasn't for nearly that long, but sounds almost exactly like her experience in 99.


“Hush, you two,” I said flatly, then sighed.  “When I try and use my broadcaster... I… go out of it.  Every time I use it I… I dunno?  Dream?  Hallucinate?  I’m not sure which any more.  I just stand there blissing out at how awesome the Core is.  And it’s… it’s…” I struggled to say the word as Rampage waited impatiently.  “Nice,” I finally admitted.  “It’s comforting and soothing and… I don’t know.  I like it.”  It also kept me from thinking about other things.

And as we all know, most things that make Blackjack happy, especially if native to the Hoofington wasteland itself, are evil and lies.


“How many ponies have you ‘experienced’ getting it on?” Rampage asked, grinning ear to ear and swatting me with her barbed tail.

Well, given what Blackjack was saying, and how, earlier . . . also just who she is . . .

“What are you, a foal?!” I snapped, what cheeks I had left blushing hard.  “Everything going on in my life, and you’re wondering if I’ve been peeking on ponies having sex?  How immature are you?”  

I'm not hearing a "zero."


“I’m not a leader, Blackjack.  I just do; I follow.  Like Twist, Shujaa, and Officer Whatshername… they all follow orders.

Of course, there's the question of whose orders she is following. Going into the Core before the mortals seems pretty take-chargey, and based on the previous chapter, there's no indication it was on the request of any of Blackjack's friends.


“Well, you have two now, and Glory was turning the Hoof upside down to try and find some way to survive in here.”  Then she blinked and looked back at Boo.  “Speaking of which, why isn’t she goop?”
   Boo cocked her head as we regarded her.  “No idea,” I admitted.  “I don’t know if it’s that she’s a blank made from Flux or something else, but she doesn’t decay here.

But even absent that, there's also the moonstone medallion which she's never necessarily been far from. In fact, Blackjack was earlier wondering not why she didn't die to Enervation, but why she didn't need the medallion.


She backed down the hall, gestured for us to move aside, then gave a war cry and charged, smashing her head into the door with a crunch and making the doorjamb crack free of the cinderblock wall surrounding it.

Sure, fine for her, but that's got to take a toll on her armor.


Rampage had a way of shoving through anything: blocks, stuck doors, locks, the occasional non-load-bearing wall, one not so non-load-bearing wall… well, we dug her out eventually.

Heh. But it's a learning experience. Though for the Core, I'd kind have expected all the walls to be non–load bearing, with the structural support instead handled by traditional steel-frame or tube-frame construction.


“Nothing’s in me, Rampage!  Okay?” I snapped.  “I’m just… I’m in a bad mood, and I’m not sure what the best thing to do is.”
   "And how is that different from any other time we've hit a fork in the road?" Rampage countered with a scowl.  I loathed her ability to scowl.  A toxic hatred born of envy.  “Blackjack, you have two modes: full stop and full speed ahead.  Even if you didn’t have a clue on the direction, you kept moving.  Now you’re… I don’t know what.  But it doesn’t feel like you.”

It's not one of her more obvious traits, but Rampage's perceptiveness can't be ignored. Granted, it may be a little exaggerated here since for the reader it's been a few paragraphs, but for her, she's been watching Blackjack for days.


And I trotted forward and made a show of inspecting the lobby of whatever office we were now inside.  Solaris Industries?  Never heard of them.

Well, it wasn't the most memorable part of P-21's mine-based lesson for the kids last chapter anyway. And it's been a while since then.


“No, Blackjack!  Look out!” Rampage warned as I set my foot down inside a flat band of silver attached to a thin silver wire.  Instantly, the band snapped closed around the ankle of my left hindleg.

Appropriatly enough, there's a trap in the office of the company that made the land mines. And, of course, don't trust silver anything in the Core.


I masticated furiously, too fast to enjoy the minty flavor, and set myself.

Because I'm apparently fourteen, "masticate" tends to give me a twinge of humor. Adding the adverb "furiously" doesn't help. So, odds on that being exactly the point?


Then I saw eyes on the far side of the gap.  Some may have been pony eyes.  Others might have been the eyes of radroaches or bloatsprites.  Several could have been blind, sightless things or immense wet pustules.  It was impossible to know.  I just knew that scream; I’d heard it before and knew that it came from many, many mouths.

I like that description. It builds nicely,

And those mouths were spilling forth.  A beet red protrusion, vaguely, horribly phallic, began to push through.  Gibbering orifices, fanged and revoltingly yonic, opened and closed on the veined, maroon shaft.  The end of it split open like a grotesque fanged flower, squirming tendrils within reaching for my flesh.  Each one was tipped in a star-like maw as it reached for my midriff.

Sometimes things the show adds are just too good to pass up, aren't they?


More tentacles pushed through, thinner and quicker.  The mouth-studded tendrils sought out gaps in her armor; when they found them, they drilled into her body with a foaming fury.

And that's one of the more horrifying attacks we've seen, I think.


As Rampage studied the moonstone, a sly look crossed her face.  “Say, Blackjack...  I dare you to eat it.”

Come on, such an easy target. Sure, Blackjack can sometimes stand up to peer pressure, but without some kind of principle or feeling of morality, justice, or simple kindness behind it to support her? Gone.


The grin multiplied in the air behind her as dozens of shadow ponies began to appear, all smiling at me.  One had darker stripes.  Another a choker of barbed wire.  A third dripped blood.  There were dozens more behind her, some distinct, others vague.

Now that's interesting; we've only ever really seen about half a dozen personalities distinctly emerge, and about that many components of her cutie mark. And none of those we have seen were among the first six or seven the talisman was implanted in. So who are all these others, and why have they never really emerged?


My eyes drifted over to Boo.  Her strings glistened as they were tugged.  From above, the shadowy thing manipulating the puppeteer’s crossbars peered back at me and raised a finger to its lips.

Dun dun duuuuuuunnnnnnn!


Echo stood by, small and translucent, head hung in shame, a collar of thorns hung about his neck.

And naturally that'll be related to the memory scene of him with Luna, the binding to EC-1101, and his need to return it to Luna or face his soul being gradually destroyed.


Six tiny Rarities goggled at each other, one normal and the other five with the palettes of her friends.

I like that touch.


I looked down at my hooves as my flesh popped through the seams and twisted around my augments, and my augments started churning and ripping away my flesh and my chest starting singing and that was when I decided that the appropriate response in this situation was to scream…

Okay, there's that part of her singing that I've heard about before, I think possibly as an explanation of why she's Enervation-resistant. Possibly related to being touched by the stars, or having returned from death? Though with it only starting to sing, it could just be from the moonstone itself.
ETA: Okay, the song was in her since at least 62.1, I think, and even there it sounds like it had been going on for a while.


In all these states, I was, and in all these states, in countless voices, I sang.

Okay, so it could just have been as simple as that she was alive (or possibly, a specific kind of alive which may have precluded Boo and Rampage from having that kind of singing in the last scene).


Time passed.  The world below grew green once more.  A newer song rose up, but the echo of our scream persisted like a scar.  The song expelled one bearing the scream to our tiny world, and I held her.  Sang to her.  Calmed her and soothed her anguish and rage so that when she returned, she would be able to be free.  Not healed… not completely.  She would always be scarred.

That's an interesting potential, or perhaps complementary to Celestia using them alone, explanation for why the Elements couldn't have just freed Luna the first time around.


But when we arrived, we were given to ponies whose songs were muted, then to others who held the scream inside them.  And with their cold metal, they scraped and shaped and drilled me.

And more to indicate that lots of exposure to Enervation, or perhaps (or also) starmetal, directly affects the soul. Or, perhaps, that certain behaviors or attitudes do the same independent of Enervation/starmetal. I suppose it's even possible that some could even start with the muted song or scream, though.


Oh, also: looks like Pain Train was right about at least some rocks.


Oh, also, the 651 words of this segment are one of the stronger arguments that Somber can, in fact, write short stories.


“I am too,” he said, and sniffed.  “I don’t want to die, Blackjack.  Not when I was with the Marauders.  Not now.  Am I a coward for that?”
   “No,” I answered calmly.  “I don’t think so, at least.”

Well, cowardice is less about not wanting to die than what you will do (or fail to do) in order not to.


I didn’t want to think about that fluttering inside my tummy, that occasional rapid movement of promise.  “Am I?”
   “No,” he said with a sigh.  “No, you’re not.  You’re the bravest mare I know.”
   “That’s news to me,” I said with a sniff and a smile.

Similar to how nothing (from Hoofington) can make Blackjack feel good and also itself be good and true, Blackjack doesn't get to feel good about herself. That's just the rules.


“Well… you remember the drug ‘Moon Dust’?  I once heard there might be a little tiny bit of actual moonstone in it.  So you just took a Blackjack-sized dose of the stuff.”  She looked me over as I glared at her.  “I just thought it’d clear your head and make you a little loopy for a few hours, that’s all.  I didn’t know you’d be out of it for three days ranting about songs and screams.”  She tapped her Hoofclaws together sheepishly.  “Sounds like you took a bad trip.”

Wonder if she'll think back to this when she finds out Blackjack is pregnant. Figure even if Rampage herself doesn't know huge doses of drugs plus pregnancy tends to equal badness, which I'd honestly be kind of surprised of even in the context of the Wasteland, Octopus would.
On the plus side, at least it seemed like she was wrong about it being a bad trip.


“So… we have a plan, right?” she said.  “To kill Cognitum, with lots of awesome collateral damage?”  Her grin annoyed me, and I sighed and turned away.

Pushing hard to get to Cognitum. And Blackjack know's something's off. The contrast with Echo, who was suggesting she leave the Core, is pretty pronounced.


No diamonds or nature motifs or obscure science references… nothing.  Though I got a mental glower from a white unicorn for thinking she’d be so gaudily obvious.

Well, she always had her pride as a designer.


Now, can we get going?  I think there’s a breach to the east that we can use to get closer to...”  She paused and then turned her head back at me.  “Where are we going, again?” she asked with exaggerated sweetness, batting her eyes at me as she grinned a smile that threatened to thump a destination out of me.

She really isn't good with subtlety.


After an hour, I’d gotten through five of the offices and had mixed feelings.  I’d expected blatant corruption.  What I’d found was a Quartz who was constantly concerned with Morale’s ever-expanding operations and her worries that she wouldn’t be able to rein in Pinkie.  Keep your hooves on law enforcement, Q.  Above all, make sure that she doesn’t start arresting people based on ‘Pinkie Sense’.  Keep Pumpkin and Pound Cake close; they’re our best leverage on her.  –GB.  A scroll wadded up in the trash read I need all the dirt you’ve got on Pinkie, pronto.  –H.

Nothing like a comparison with Horse to make Goldenblood look good. Of course, this simply seems like the kind of thing that they, or at least somebody, should be doing, with respect to Pinkie and the M.o.M.


He asked for their itinerary… Withers Sugarcube Corner subsidiary.  Hoofington Museum of Natural History.  Hoofington Sports Arena.  Flankfurt Sugarcube Corner operations office…

At least two of those were locations where there were break-ins or non–Party Pooper assassinations right before the bombs fell.


Onyx must have possessed the soul of an accountant, though.  Every file in every room of her office had painstaking records of materials and where they were being moved all around Equestria.  Everything from Flux to food to steel to energy was recorded.  Where it came from, where it went, how much there was, and how much they paid for it.  I did manage to find several much more chilling documents, though.  Since the attempted assassination on Applejack, war efficiency increased thirty-seven percent following the removal of six unqualified members of her family from their positions.  I recommend a systematic purge of all Apple family members from critical positions through retirement incentives, legal action, or ‘misfortunes’.

Okay, does this give anyone else an Eichmann-esque banality of evil vibe? Granted, if it was limited to getting Apples out of the M.W.T., we're talking really small scale and an isolated event which may never have even come to violence.


But nowhere could I find a reference to Horizons or where it could be found.  Please check your files a third time.  I cannot believe that Goldenblood would die for something that doesn’t exist, nor that anything he created could be made from thin air.  Princess Luna MUST KNOW what he did, how, and why.  Eclipse. and beneath it PS: Amnesty will be granted to any who assist in this critical investigation.

Okay, that's a reference to Horizons, just not a very helpful one. But more on point, there were ways to get close to that.


The nest was at 1.0kg as the moonstone hovered, glowing brighter and brighter.  Trottenheimer put his hooves to his ears and backed up, but Horse just grinned with foalish glee despite the blood trickling out of one nostril.  The stone began to release hundreds of tiny glowing motes.  One by one they were swept down into the birdsnest.  As I watched, the number on the scale began to climb.

And, considering what we now know moonstone is, this seems a pretty horrifying fate.


“This shit will keep you publishing for decades.  And what’s the saying?  ‘Publish or perish’?”

Sounds especially threatening considering Trottenheimer isn't an academic, working at Ironshod.


Trottenheimer just stood there a moment.  “An inch,” he murmured.
   “Excuse me?” Horse’s grin melted to a grimace of uncertainty.
   “An inch,” Trottenheimer said quietly.  “It is small and it is fragile, but it is the only thing worth having.”

Hi, V for Vendetta!


“I’m sorry,” Trottenheimer said lightly.  “I’m afraid I can’t help you.”
   Horse blinked, bafflement crossing his face.  It seemed to be causing him physical pain, as if the confusion had lodged in his cranium and couldn’t make it out again.  “Wha… how… who…” Horse sputtered as Trottenheimer walked slowly out the door.  “You’re done!  You’re finished!  I thought you were smart!  I thought you were fucking smart, Doc!” Horse yelled after him down the hall.  Getting no answer, he returned then the room and looked at the vibrating metal of the bird’s nest, a fresh rivulet of blood trickling out of his nose.  “Fuck…” he muttered.  The video ended there.

I think that one of the things about Horse is, where Goldenblood knew the power of friends, and love, and loyalty, and their value, and would use them or threaten them to get what he wanted—and maybe even at some point lost that himself, leaving only a memory about that[/i]—Horse never did. And lacking that, especially in a world with them at the core, he just brute-forcing his way through everything when it comes to people who run on anything other than ambition. And that doesn't just weaken him, but actually leaves him a little pathetic.


Damn it.  They must have done something to Rampage; she wouldn’t have gone down without a shot being fired.

"Your faith in your friends is yours."


No doubt I was showing up on their E.F.S.; if I was lucky, I’d be lost against the thousands of other red bars in range.  Still, if they had any skill, they’d be looking for red bars that shifted more rapidly than others when they moved from side to side.

Well, that would give them the range of something, but I thought PipBucks didn't differentiate between things except whether they were hostile or not. I guess if everything else is a lot farther away, that could work.


“I saw something.  I know I did,” a pasty white unicorn mare with a spark grenade muttered.  “A yellow bar.  I’m sure of it.”
   “Nothing here is yellow.  That’s got to be Blackjack.  She doesn’t want to kill anypony,” the other unicorn in combat armor replied.

Oh, you might be putting just a little too much confidence in how non-hostile she is.


“Nothing here is yellow.  That’s got to be Blackjack.  She doesn’t want to kill anypony,” the other unicorn in combat armor replied.  He raised his hoof and said in low voices.  “Rain, this is team D on floor three one.  Strong contact, over.”
   “Stay –Kzzt-, team D.  I’m on my way.  –Kzzrrt- engage BJ –bzzz- we get there.  Understood?” his radio replied, barely audible through the static.  “Do not –Kzzzzzrt- I get there!”  A moment later came a shout of alarm, “No!  Wh--you do--” and then silence.
   “You’re breaking up.  Say again, Rain?” the stallion said in a low, terse voice.  “Damn it.  Why give us these broadcaster things if we can’t get a signal in half this place?  This Core isn’t half as good as we were told.”
   “I dunno… I kinda like it,” one of the armored ponies said.  “It feels… nice.”

Note that the one in normal armor is at least disappointed, and the one who is in (I think) power armor likes it. Goes along with how Blackjack blisses out when using the (integrated)broadcaster.


I stepped on something, hearing a crunch under my hoof.  I lifted my leg, looking at the pendant I'd trodden on.  “Oh no!” I gasped, scooping it up with my magic and racing to where she’d fallen.
   The mare tried to say something, a hoof extended towards me as her eyes bulged and her other forehoof clutched at her throat.  It was only a second or two… three at the most…  And then a great slurry of blood poured forth as she vomited up her organs.  I watched her eyes pop and run like pink glass down her cheeks as I just stood there, pendant dangling from my wing.  Stupidly, I pressed the pendant to her shaking chest, but the damage was done.

. . . It's the thought that counts?


I levitated the talisman away.  The mare trembled, her flesh sloughing off her bones, then collapsed as her hide gave way in a wet slurry.  Even her bones seemed to be melting before my eyes into runny fluid that trickled out of the holes in the combat armor.  A white glow rose from her remains, then swept away down the hall and through the floor as if carried away on a wind.

Well, every time she manages a clearly-needed mercy kill is probably a good thing. Also, there's been a lot of vividness this chapter, even outside of the trip. Too bad most of it's been nastiness.


Wait… there she was!  Down below me, in the office foyer, surrounded by a half-dozen prone ponies.  Hah!  I knew that Rampage…
   …would be talking with Steel Rain, who was now in fancy, sparkling silver armor?

Curse your . . . long ago and kind of telegraphed betrayal!
Also, of course it's a great idea to wear the mind- and soul-corrupting metal as armor! Which happens to react really violently to the substance you need to carry around to not melt in the Core! I see no ill short or long term consequences to this choice.


I stared down, then assembled the rest of Penance and checked the bypass bullet still in the chamber.  It’d been intended for Twilight Sparkle; it was too good for him.  I set the crosshairs right above his left temple.  I just had to pull the trigger.  He was my enemy!  He was making a deal or doing… doing something!  I licked my lips, slipping into S.A.T.S.  Just pull the trigger.  He’d annihilate me in a moment if our positions were swapped!  Do it!  Do it!
   There was just one problem.  I hissed through my teeth and lowered the gun.  Once again, I really wished I was half the killer any of my friends were, or even the scum of the Wasteland.  I grit my teeth and bumped my horn in annoyance against the barrel of the weapon for a few seconds before I popped out the bypass round and put in some normal .308 AP rounds.  Sniper weapons weren’t… me.  I was better suited with close in, rapid fire, messy weapons.

Now, I get it. It's in some ways more personal, and doesn't feel, I guess, fair, but moreover, it's like you're hunting them. But especially for her, I figure it's that a sniper tends not to be in immediate danger from the specific person they are targeting apart from sniper's duels. And that danger is something she kind of needs to feel right about killing someone. Doesn't change the fact that it would be really useful for that not to be the case.


“Keep it together, Blackjack,” I mumbled to myself, then turned on my broadcaster.
   The effect was immediate but subtle, a faint changing of the halls from dim to a pale gold.  The debris and garbage on the floor didn’t disappear so much as just fade from my attention.  The illumination increased, the air turned warmer, and the silence was replaced by the babble of thousands.  “Focus on the ones that are real,” I muttered to myself.  Something smacked my face, and I started and looked over at Boo, frowning in concern.  The blank pony seemed almost spectral; real, but also not.

Yeah, keeping it together isn't exactly sounding like something that'll be easy to do.


If P-21 had been standing where they were, he could have sent a grenade right up my… well… anyway, these ponies weren’t nearly as precise as he; their shots bounced wildly, filling the hall with dazzling sparks of energy.  Penance fired a perfectly placed cluster of five into the helmet of one of the Rangers, and he went down.  That got the other three to back out of sight for the moment.
   Okay, maybe there was some good to sniper rifles beyond killing helpless targets unawares…

Yeah, there's that.

“Find the way out, Boo,” I reiterated as I slid in another five-round magazine.  Spark mines wouldn’t do anything to her except ruin her mane.

You monster! /Rarity


So many augmented ponies.  So many voices.  Hundreds.  Thousands.  Millions.  All blending together into a scream, one single continuous babbling scream.  It was my scream too.  I was every bit a part of it.  Eventually, we all would be.

That sounds like one of the cases where the Evervation scream is data.


“You have an enemy you need to beat,” she said once it regenerated.  “Ow... hrk... Remember?”
   “Enemy?” I murmured.
   “Cognitum?” Rampage asked as she was eaten, regenerated, and eaten again.  “She’s hurting me.  Boo.  Glory.  P-21.  Scotch.  Remember your friends?”
   “My friends,” I said faintly.  “They won’t be hurt.  All they have to do is get augmented and connected and… and everything will be wonderful.”

This all is really creepy and everything, but I wonder how long it takes for the impression to become permanent encough to really influence you after not continuing to see it. Dawn, presumably, wasn't experiencing that outside the Core, for instance, but was still devoted. Granted, she probably didn't have the general anti-augmentation feeling that Blackjack normally does.


Only the M.o.I. building was intact.  More than intact, in fact; it was untouched by the strange alterations happening throughout the city.

Yeah, this is one of those things that screams something is up, and you shouldn't trust it.


“NAY!  COGNITUM IS BUT A SHADOW OF MY GLORY!  SHE WOULD SEE ME A TOOL!  A DEVICE!  SHE AND HER CREATOR BOTH!  THEY WOULD ENSLAVE ME!

Okay, trying to decide if "creator" means Goldenblood or Horse. Horse seems the more likely choice, but of course both wanted to use the Eater. Or maybe it doesn't even matter.

. . .
“YOU ARE UNLIKE THEY.  YOU ARE LIKE HIM.  HE THAT HEARD MY SONG.  THAT HEEDED MY DREAM!  YOU MUST COMPLETE HIS WORK!  THEN ALL WILL BE UNITED INSIDE ME!”

Presumably Amadi.


“Takes one to know one,” a voice muttered sarcastically in my ear.
. . .
“Oh yes.  Sooo appealing...” that voice drawled sarcastically.  “That’s enough of that.”

Dealer to the rescue? No, that sounds more like someone holding strings than wearing a collar.


“Wow, that was close, huh Blackjack?” Rampage asked in a flanged, wetly slurred voice.
   I turned and saw my friend... her stomach bulged grotesquely beneath her, and vestigial limbs poked from her shoulders and hips.  Her entire body seemed to have the consistency of chewed gum as she stood at the edge of the pit.  I watched the silhouettes of heads bulge beneath her striped hide, mouths moving silently.

Yeah, sounds as bad as or worse than, at least in terms of grossness, Blackjack's medical condition ever got before dying.


I munched down a milky jade from a necklace.  It calmed me a little, and I considered the motes swirling above me.

Something must be going on to protect them from being sucked into the nearby hole with its especially strong Enervation from the Eater. The zebra artifacts in the warehouse?


As we trotted together, the soft motes curling around us curiously, I started thinking about what it’d said.

I like the potential double meaning of "curiously" here


“Nawww... but is preddy though!  An warm,” she said as she waved her hoof through the pale, glowing light.  If Boo liked it, it couldn’t be bad.

Careful, Blackjack. If you apply that thought consistently, it means that you aren't bad. And that would just be silly!


Goldenblood sat at the workstation.  The stallion was a wreck, his mane scraggly and his eyes shadowed, his sides gaunt.  He appeared on the verge of a complete psychological breakdown; I imagined that, if I weren’t metal, I’d look much the same.  “No... no no no... Pinkie was right.  She was right all along,” he muttered to himself as he stared at the scrolls.

Some of the most painful words to need to say.


“I made a weapon... Project Horizons... something that would wipe out the bad while saving the rest... but I went too far!  Why go halfway if you’re going to destroy the world?”  He laughed a little madly.  “And in doing so, I gave it exactly what it wants!”
   Glass was now backing away.  “Sir...”
   “I’ve killed so many.  Done so many horrible things!  And I played right into the hooves of my greatest fear!” he said, slamming his own hooves down on the table, then breaking into his hacking cough.  “I have to end it.  I’ve had another weapon built.  It should be powerful enough to destroy the Eater... I hope so... I pray so...”

Horizons is simple, and given what we've seen this chapter with Horse's increasing-starmetal thing, it's not hard to see how that plays in with giving the Eater what it wants. But the weapon to destroy it . . . just something to counter the F.A.D.E. over the Core, in case of Horizons activating, or something independent?


“Any truth to this ‘Eater’ nonsense, Amadi?”
   From the shadows stepped the oddly tattooed zebra I’d seen in the Tokomare below.  His lips were curled in a blissful smile.  “None whatsoever.  Just superstition and nonsense.”
   The appearance of the zebra had a profound effect on the gagged Goldenblood.  His eyes popped, wide and bloodshot as he screamed into the gag.

I bet he would! The best part is that it made a good deal of sense from the start, with it simply being that Amadi was clearly Starkatteri based on the markings and the lore of them being marked. But with the memories from Blackjack's "interrogation" of him, it's all the more personal.


Amadi reached over his shoulder and pulled out the starmetal tuning fork.  “I believe you should have it.  It has such a lovely tone.”
Horse took it in his mouth and struck it on the table.  The screaming note rang out and he smiled, tossed it in the air, and caught it behind his ear.  “Yeah, I think I could get used to it.

For some reason I thought that he had already expressed liking the sound, especially since he was the one working on starmetal. Maybe not.


For the duration of her pregnancy, the expectant mother was supposed to take things easy.  A mare that drank illegally, or did chems, or took risks was socially castigated.  You simply didn’t do it when you were with child.  Once the baby was born, things would return to normal; until then, you played it safe and wallowed in all the attention and well-wishes.

Relevant to some recent discussion. Sounds like there was at least some level of informal punishment either below flogging or between it and death.


“Blackjack, you’re pregnant.  That changes things.  If you weren’t, then yeah.  I’d think you were a coward and a fucking idiot.  But you’re not.  You’re a mother, and you’re scared for your baby.  I can’t think of anything more powerful.”  She patted my shoulder again.  “Leave me with EC-1101.  Who cares who dicks with it?  You go.”

I'm glad this is coming from Rampage and Blackjack, who have a lot of personal stuff backing up this sentiment.


“Come on out, Steel.  I know it’s you.”  Who else would be approaching like this?
“You would be mistaken,” a calm, familiar voice replied as it advanced through the assembled ruins.

No, you're dealing with a top tier.


“You.  What are you doing here?  How can you even be here?!” I demanded as he slowly approached the workstation.

Well, there are a few answers, ranging from whatever your deal is, to being a blank and having protection either from being derived from Discord or not having a soul (that seems the least likely, of course), to Rampage's phoenix talisman deal, to the mundanity of having some moonstone on you, to the ever-popular "or something else."

I remembered fighting that fit, athletic body.  Struggling against it.  Feeling -- damn it, no!  No no no!  What the hell was wrong with me?  Stop thinking sexy thoughts about a deadly zebra sworn to kill me!  No matter how hot his son had been lying atop me–
Sweet Celestia, did I need to be spayed?

No. Let's not go there. That's something you do to other people—who happen to all be males, hopefully simply because their bits are on the outside—not yourself. It's one of the things that makes you fun.


He must have had a moonstone hidden in those wrappings, or underneath that skull.

There's that critical thinking!


“I don’t want to fight you.  I’m not your Maiden.  Believe me, I am absolutely most emphatically neither a maiden nor Princess Luna,” I said as I backed away, remembering how quickly he’d moved when we’d last fought.
“I know.  I believe you.  Indeed, I have no wish at all to fight you.”  He began to move to the side.  “My son was an idiot who attempted to force a confrontation before its time.  There is no question, whatsoever, that you are not the Maiden of our lore,” he said as he approached the papers on the workstation.  “No.  My business is with the other one.”
Rampage took a standing zebra fighting stance.  “You wish to face me, nothus?” she asked in Shujaa’s accent as she raised her forehooves.  “Bring it.  A true daughter of the Achu will show an impostor the might of our clan.”
But the Legate wasn’t looking at Rampage either.  His amber eyes stared right past both of us... at Boo.  Together, Rampage and I gaped at him, then at the terrified mare, and back at the Legate.  “Boo?  You’re here for Boo?” I blurted.

And that was a good build-up to a twist.



“Haven’t you wondered, Blackjack?  Such a helpless mare, all alone, desperate for your protection.  Seeking to accompany you?  Haven’t you wondered about her odd luck?  The way she always survives while her enemies die in odd... often amusing, ways?”  His smile faded.  “You have to die.  Your meddling is done,” he told the trembling mare.

And, for those with long memories:
Chapter 32 wrote: I remembered the warped and twisted bones in Ironshod Firearms R&D.  Melted like this room.  Scalpel had detected the taint in me days after I’d fired Folly at Miramare.  After firing it in the factory, I’d been told by Triage that my taint exposure had jumped once again…  I’d been killing myself with every shot of the superweapon.

       No, not killing myself.  Turning myself into… this.  The room muttered, giggled, and laughed softly.

       “What is that… that crystal?  That sludge?  That metal?” I gasped.  I lurched but managed not to fall over.  I knew I’d seen that odd glowing gem before somewhere...  The room, however, gave a hateful shriek that made me spasm.  The walls began to pulsate.

       “Blackjack… tell me we can get the fuck out of here… Blackjack?” Rampage said.  I tried to wave my hoof, to buy some time, but I couldn’t lift it.  “Shit… oh shit… shit shit shit…” she muttered.

       “That rock… of a lesser song.  The metal… of a greater glory!  The potion… the ichor of the meddler… a neutral buffer to separate the two,” the mouths muttered in unison.  “Sing with us.  Sing your screams with us!  The other cannot join.  She is of a false unity.  But you can be together with us!”


“You were supposed to die two centuries ago, but Goldenblood spirited you away.  You should have died when Blackjack freed you, but you hitched along in that empty vessel.”  The Legate pointed a hoof at the mare.  “It’s time for you to die, Discord!”

And there's the full drop.


When she opened her eyes again, the pale orbs were now yellowed, her irises bright red.  “Well then.  If you insist...”  She lowered herself onto all four hooves, grinning back at the striped stallion with her lone fang gleaming.  “Ante up.”

When an all-powerful chaos being decides to borrow your catch phrase, you know you've made an impact.
Chapter Sixty Four Overall Thoughts:
Probably the first thing that stands out about chapter 64 is how much it plays up the setting of the Core. Some of that is simply how conventionally dangerous it is. The most mundane aspect of that is probably the earthquakes, which combine with the buildings, many of which were unstable from damage and disrepair, to threaten being crushed to death or trapped. Then there are some of the natural occupants, of which we were introduced to one: something bearing some considerable resemblance to the Tatzlwurm introduced a few weeks before in "Three's a Crowd," but incorporating starmetal filaments to trap prey and including a choir like that in Horizon Labs. On the mechanical side, there are swarms of mechasprites that will eat anyone not sufficiently cyberized. Lastly, the Enervation is so strong that for ordinary organic life, going a few seconds without one of the protective pendants seen in the memories of the Tokomare chamber is fatal. The unconventional danger of the city comes if you are highly cybernetic and access the city's network. In that case, you'll start to "bliss out," as Blackjack puts it, becoming calm and happy while seeing a golden world of information age ponies with cybernetic enhancements and a very recognizable Internet. The clouds of mechasprites go from being composed of little robotic monsters that look like they want to devour you to "golden swarm[s] of shining motes" which protect the "improved." It should be noted that "mote" is the word generally used to describe floating memory/soul fragments and what's released from moonstone, making this a direct point of contrast. This is added to when Blackjack is at the MoI near the end of the chapter, and the soul motes there help her by confirming that her baby is still fine, even after the Enervation surge she had experienced, and giving her a memory of Goldenblood immediately before and during his arrest.

Related to this focus on the Core is the result of a sort of prank Rampage plays on Blakcjack: after Boo uses the protective pendant to attack the starmetal wires of the wurm and it's revealed to contain moonstone, Rampage dares Blackjack to eat some, which she does. It turns out that moonstone is a powerful hallucinogenic (and is in the drug Moon Dust in trace amounts). Blackjack has quite a trip, which starts with seeing aspects of the things around her that are otherwise invisible. She sees an ashamed and collared Echo by her side; she sees dozens of shades behind Rampage; there is a shadowy figure pulling strings leading to Boo; the Core takes on aspects of a body (and remember that there are starmetal wires and cables added all over); looking at the ministry mare figurines, she sees six ghosts of Rarity, with five in the colors of her friends. Then she loses consciousness, and it really begins (she's out for three days). She sees the history of the rock she nibbled, starting with the collected experience of countless plants and animals on prehistoric Equestria, snuffed out when a great green flash of Enervation comes from the sky. The experience of all that died was thrown to the heavens, but couldn't reach the stars, instead continuing to circle Equus. In time, life returned to the planet, and later, a being was expelled to the circling spirits, which worked to calm her anguish and rage to help her be freed once she returned to the planet. Then another came, this time in a ship, not bearing the echoes of the scream that had brought death, but the song of life. And the stone was picked up by her, and returned to Equus, only to be sealed under the plastic of the protective pendant, cutting it off from the stars and their music. It was alone until it was reopened and reunited with the song and those who sing it by one with a song like the traveler who had brought the stone back to the planet, one who was "fighting the scream without and fostering the song within," who then raised the stone, and took a bite.

This whole experience was, I think, meant to be a counterpoint to the Core, and especially to place the natural world and its Harmony against the backdrop of the techno-utopian promises of the vision of the Core. Blackjack, when lucid, is disturbed by the latter, and at one point manages to break free of it due to seeing parents doting over a baby foal with heavy cybernetic augmentations, which she's horrified by. The experiences of the golden world—Youtube and EQD, plus of course the benefits of cyberization, like an earth pony winning the Best Young Fliers competition, and others—kind of play counterpoint to those of the world the moonstone's constituent spirits knew—"I slithered.  I flapped.  I raced.  I dug.  I sang.  I hid.  I killed.  I died.  I swam.  I mated.  I slept.  I birthed.  I suckled.  I rejoiced.  I mourned.  I was in so very many things and was so many things at once.  I was an ant on a tree, and the tree cradling the bird, and the bird sitting upon the egg, and egg with life stirring within.  In all these states, I was, and in all these states, in countless voices, I sang." Then there is the difference between the help the motes gave in each case: the mechasprites defended Blackjack by devouring the Harbingers seeking her capture, where she had put great effort, while lucid, into escaping them through non-lethal means where possible; the moonstone "soothed [Luna/Nightmare Moon's] anguish and rage" to prepare her for her return to Equestria, and release by the Elements. Some of this is probably accentuated further by the fact that it's all through Blackjack's perspective, and she has at best an ambivalent view of directly incorporating technology into yourself, seeing it as a toll on your equinity.

One of the other things that the chapter spends a lot of time on is establishing how Horse ran the OIA after being made its director. There are documents that show that at least some of the liaisons to the ministries were keeping secrets from him or otherwise being uncooperative, even if that was in some cases limited to dragging their feet. (About the same time there was information suggesting that some of the assassinations and break-ins right before the bombs fell were based on the Cake twins' itinerary for the day, and likely ordered by Horse.) But there are some major contrasts made with Goldenblood, as where a memo from Goldenblood to Quartz was first about making sure Pinkie didn't start arresting people based on Pinkie Sense, then keeping close to Pumpkin and Pound, who were their leverage on her; Horse's was just demanding whatever dirt Quartz had on Pinkie. But the strongest point on this subject is a meeting between Horse and Trottenheimer. To get Trottenheimer to divulge what he knows about Horizons, Horse offers the chance to work with the method he'd started developing for increasing the mass of starmetal by converting moonstone (and incidentally the F.A.D.E. shields that can catch and hold in place a moonstone projectile so that it can happen), then threatens to cut him off from any job, ruin his wife's career, and force his kids out of their elite school. But Trottenheimer refuses, saying that in the end his integrity matters more, which is something that Horse just doesn't seem to understand when he's told it. And I think that's one of the things about him, and part of why he can't play the game quite like Goldenblood did. Horse doesn't seem to get motivations beside base ones like ambition, resentment, or fear, and of course simple material gain. He clearly gets on some level that people care, for instance, about their families, and he'll use that as a lever against them, but I'm not sure that he really loves like others do: see his superficial interest in Sweetie Belle, and creation of Sweetie Bot, in comparison to Goldenblood's love for Fluttershy and devotion to Luna (until that was over, anyway). Similarly, when recruiting Diamond Flash, Horse's pitch was a chance to do things on the scale of Twilight, mirroring his own resentment of what unicorns (and possibly pegasi) could do, and at the OIA he made heavy use of blunt threats or assertions of his authority; that's not to say that Goldenblood never used tactics like these (see Sanguine, or pushing people down a mine shaft), but he could also appeal to Fluttershy's desire to help, or the Mane Six's sense of duty more generally, or Psalm's faith, gave Quartz a reason keeping leverage over Pinkie was a necessary step, and had Trottenheimer's loyalty as his friend. Yes, he was in so many ways fallen and corrupted by his pride and the ends he put his talents to, but he understood a whole side to ponies that I'm not sure Horse ever did, and the love and life of ponies was one of the things that made him fall in love with Equestria when he returned following the death of his mother. And where getting that sort of thing would in a purely cynical story give him extra avenues of using people, here it means that he's (if imperfectly) in tune with the fundamental nature of the world in a way Horse can't be. Even just the first part helps explain why Horse seems to bulldoze his way through things, running the OIA like a simple bully, but the second adds an even more pathetic note to it.

(A last couple of points on Goldenblood: when he was arrested he was lamenting how he'd been used by the Eater and Pinkie'd been right all along (paying off on the prediction she made at the party in a memory some forty chapters ago, when she first took Mint-als from Twist and said he would kill countless people); and, after being restrained and gagged, he sees Amadi with Horse, and reacts very strongly and negatively—as of this point, that makes sense enough as a reaction to, based on the markings that were a curse on his tribe, a Starkatteri feeding lies about the Eater of Souls being nothing but a myth to Horse, but is strengthened later by the knowledge that they had met before.)

Next we have Rampage, and her behavior through the chapter. To start, she seems to be pushing hard for Blackjack to go to and deal with Cognitum, now, where you'd think she'd be thinking more along the lines of getting the gang together and then coming back. Add to that apparent knowledge of where she wants them to be going and the best way to get there, and there's plenty indicating there's something up. Then Blackjack sees her (using the scope from Penance, which can see through solid objects) talking with Steel Rain. (This is after Blackjack was knocked out for three days, which raises a potential plot hole: why didn't she do whatever she's working on with the servants of Cognitum during that time?) She rejoins Blackjack, who doesn't ask what that was about. It comes to a head a while later; Blackjack had bolted from Rampage with Boo, as Rampage had been turned really grotesque by an extreme burst of Enervation when the Eater was talking to Blackjack (not a particularly interesting conversation, which was cut short when a mysterious voice silenced the Eater), and when Rampage caught back up with her in the MoI, she asked why Blackjack had been acting so flighty, always flip-flopping on what she wanted to do. After all, when Blackjack doesn't do something, it's not for indecision or want of trying. And it's at that point that Blackjack lets her know she's pregnant. Suddenly, Rampage's tone changes entirely. She's sympathetic to Blackjack not wanting to risk her baby, and offers some alternatives, like taking EC-1101 to Cognitum herself, then beating her and taking it back. (In contrast, after the moonstone trip, which Echo had experienced as well, he suggested that Blackjack should leave the Core, even all of Hoofington if she had to, unprompted. But then he says he doesn't want to die, Blackjack is the bravest mare he knows, he is tired of the game Goldenblood started, and that one way or another, Blackjack will help him. He ended by telling her where Cognitum was.) But after it all, Blackjack decides she needs to see it through herself, even if it means one more price she needs to pay.

They are interrupted by the arrival of the Legate, who drops the last link of another chain that's had some other bits in this chapter, and explains a lot more besides. He's not tracked them down for Blackjack, whom he says he knows is not the Star Maiden of the prophesy, nor yet for Rampage. He has unfinished business with Boo, and the trickster within. Boo, made from his essence, was host to Discord's spirit, which Blackjack had seen as the puppeteer when she'd eaten the bit of moonstone, and who had brought the "oh so appealing" offers of the Eater down in volume from a great scream to a whisper. But now the Amadi is here to kill him, after he escaped death during the war when he was spirited away by Goldenblood, and again after Blackjack freed him by "hitch[ing] along in that empty vessel" that was Boo. Discord responds to the challenge by borrowing a line from Blackjack to end the chapter: "Ante up."
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Icy Shake on Tue Jan 27, 2015 12:56 am

Chapter Sixty Four Editing:
“Got it!” she clambered on my back and

should have second space after quotation, "she" should be capitalized


Some day they were going to get me, or somepony, killed.

"Someday"


When she blinked in bafflement, “Your airship?

suggest dropping the "When" and changing the comma to a period, or adding a speaking verb (there isn't even really one earlier in the paragraph that would work as implicitly repeated by the sentence's structure)


She went on quickly, “It’s okay, though.  I’m exploring other options.  Ways to shut down the phoenix talisman once and for all.  And no loss, really.  Those souls get to go free.  Sounds like a deal to me,” she said with a smile and a shrug.

quotation is double tagged


“Oh this is bad…”

comma after "Oh"?


I masticated furiously, too fast to enjoy the minty flavor, and set myself.  I began to pull my left hindleg back out the gap.
   “We gotta get it off before it gets up here!” Rampage said as she sliced furiously

suggest changing one of those to something else; that's a little close for a word that stands out that much to be repeated


The grin multiplied in the air behind her as dozens of shadow ponies began to appear, all smiling at me.  One had darker stripes.  Another a choker of barbed wire.  A third dripped blood.  There were dozens more behind her, some distinct, others vague.

suggest cutting (or possibly replacing) first instance of "dozens"


“Purple…” I muttered weakly “It tastes horizontally

missing punctuation after "weakly"


“Moonstone was always secondary to Starmetal to Goldenblood.

"Starmetal" shouldn't be capitalized


Has she been strong for going on, knowing the responsibility

"Had" not "Has"


I was in some kind of private office.  It had a comfortable pullout bed that I was lying on.

the pullout bed Blackjack was lying on is something she's already remarked on right after she woke up (I lay on a pullout bed; it was hard to see past that.)


Rampage pointed to a door, “Besides, take a gander.

comma before quotation should be period, or speaking verb needed.


them walking again.  G.  and I know that

I believe there should be only one space after the "G."


called Horizons?”  Horse said the word casually,

should have only one space after quotation


was at 1.0kg as the moonstone hovered,

should have space before "kg"


“Nothing here is yellow.  That’s got to be Blackjack.  She doesn’t want to kill anypony,” the other unicorn in combat armor replied.
. . .
   “I dunno… I kinda like it,” one of the armored ponies said.  “It feels… nice.”

I believe the second should be power-armored, or the first "combat barding"--otherwise, everyone is "armored", and I think that part of the point was to draw a difference between how those with different degrees of tech saw the place


What in Sweet Celestia was going on?

should "Sweet" be lower case?


I heard the shouts around me; green must’ve told them where I was

"green" should be capitalized


“Cut her off, pin her down and wait!

comma after "down"


They used technology.  I was technology

suggest italicizing "was"


“Ow... hrk... Remember?”

second space after second ellipsis


The hole that had once swirled around Shadowbolt tower was now a deep

"tower" should be capitalized


Two teal eyes stared out in desperation from a large mural half covered in char; they appeared to be silently screaming for help at us as I stood there.

Suggest changing to "screaming at us for help"; I don't know why, but as written it just feels wrong, and a Google search for "screaming for help at us" shows 6 results (of which 2 are basically one repeated, one is Fanfiction.net, and 1 is a Pastebin of this chapter), against almost 22,000 for "screaming at us for help"


“YOU ARE UNLIKE THEY.  YOU ARE LIKE HIM.  HE THAT HEARD MY SONG.  THAT HEEDED MY DREAM!

I think "they" should be "them"


Thank you...  slowly I dragged myself to my hooves.

"slowly" should be capitalized


I raced into the lobby of the Ministry of Image hub, smashing the purple glass panes as I charged in a panic.

I believe that it should be white panes.


An warm,” she said as she waved

apostrophe for "An"?


Well, following a strange, ghostly light in a warehouse full of spooky zebra artifacts wasn’t the worse choice I’d made in my life.

"worst" not "worse"


Many were in Zebra, but others were written in Equestrian.

I believe the language was supposed to be "Pony", not "Equestrian", right?


When she opened her eyes again, the pale orbs were now yellowed, her irises bright red.

suggest dropping the "now" since timing is covered by "when ... again"
Other Editing:
1:
Misty was a chronic repeat offender.

maybe drop the "repeat"? it seems redundant given the stronger "chronic"


3:
Turns out, starting involved me getting off that filthy bed and finding some Rad-Away before I
“I’m dying without that Rad-Away,”

"RadAway"


44:
How could you do that to me?   Call

three spaces after question mark


I pulled out a pouch of Rad-Away for each of us,

"RadAway"


shall be appealable by Equestrian court--“

inverted quotation mark


We’re all nice here, and--“

inverted quotation mark


I was hoping that I might get some ans--“

inverted quotation mark


What is--“

inverted quotation mark


I trotted to the cave and conjoured a tiny star of light.

"conjured"


“Woah.”  He scrambled to his hooves and stared as well.

"Whoa"


“Woah.  That is so weird.”

"Whoa"


“Woah, cool!” Pound Cake said as he flew above us all.

"Whoa"


Woah… that was… interesting.

"Whoa"


“Woah…” I murmured as I looked at the faintly glowing white stone.

"Whoa"


flushed, coughing self-conciously as he looked away

"self-consciously"


Ya’ll might have just saved Equestria.

"Y'all"


Out in the Wasteland, I’d realized that they were so much more: friends, enemies... and maybe even something else some day.

"someday"


He sighed and reclined in the hotspring,

"hot spring"


might get the opportunity for a second if a another mare died

delete the "a" before "another"


That lead to the zebra invasion at Dawn Bay

"led" not "lead"


46:
complete soul bound within.”   He looked at

three spaces after quotation


large stock of Rad-X and Rad-Away and other medical
Xanthe examined pouches of orange Rad-Away
and Lacunae had a half dozen dozes of Rad-X and Rad-Away;
packets of Rad-Away to all of us.  
I slurped down another pouch of Rad-Away,
The Rad-Away isn’t going to hold out
healing and more pouches of Rad-Away to those who needed it

"RadAway"


when one of her powerhooves lashed out and blasted me straight in the face.

"power hooves"

Xanthe gulped and gave the tinest little nod.  
Rampage looked at her coolly, then gave the tinest smile.  

"tiniest" in each case


fighting hoof to hoof.“  And I’d seen

inverted quotation mark


Psychoshy said skepticaly as she held one to her ear

"skeptically"


“As awesome as catching up on stale M.o.M. gossip  is,

extra space between "gossip" and "is"


I  wouldn’t want a repeat here in Canter

extra space between "I" and "wouldn't"


She continued dialling, but

"dialing"


Suddenly it popped, spraying goop everywere.  

"everywhere"


it off before it made its way though her suit

"through"


and help me with  a little problem

extra space between "with" and "a"


“No question,”  Rampage replied as

extra space after quotation


I wasn’t the Goodiest goodest pony in the Wasteland...

should "Goodiest" not be capitalized?


Was the reason I wasn’t affected by Enervation any more because I wasn’t like the rest of my friends?  

"anymore"


“Have you ever heard of a  soul jar?”

extra space between "a" and "soul"


full of strange knick knacks, toys

"knickknacks"


but I think I’ll be able to manage,”  she said as she

extra space after quotation


“The silk,” I choked out, tasting blood.  “Stig!  The silk!”

"Styg"? (to match "Styggie")


It shrank back, hiding behind one one the smashed display cases and peeking out at me.  

"one of the"?


and there was a hiss, and then an synthetic mare’s

"and then a"


From above, six hovering robots like Ceberus dropped down

"Cerberus"


47:
“If ya’ll don’t mind my sayin’ so, Equestria’s a lot more than its soldiers.

"y'all"


“I doubt the value of a promise from such a treacherous pony as yourself,” Lacuane replied.

"Lacunae"


Princess Luna don’tcha call me, ‘Cause I can’t go!
I owe my soul to the Company Store!”

I'm not sure why "'Cause" is capitalized, or for that matter, "Company Store" (also, later on, an enlongated "store" isn't)


as she cried out, “Princess Luna, don’tcha call me ‘cause I can’t go!  I owe my soul to the Company Store!”

again, in the case of "Company Store"


“To the compannnnnieeeeeee….”  

if the other cases keep "company" capitalized, this should be too


50:
She closed to the last,  shoved his rifle barrel

extra space after comma


It was pretty good.  But--“

inverted quotation mark


Goldenblood’s scheduling, I never get a--“

inverted quotation mark


care what Twilight says--“  Pinkie Pie blinked

inverted quotation mark


giving her cheek the tinest nuzzle.

"tiniest"


Woah... we had a basement?

"Whoa"


You could cut the self pity with a knife.  “Are you serious?” I asked with a little frown, thinking of how I’d wanted somepony to buck me off it.  

"self-pity"


she said in a hysterical, sing song voice.

"singsong" or "sing-song"


51:
I picked my way back back to the entrance.

repeated "back"


where the sheets were stained  with ‘ingredients’

extra space between "stained" and "with"


And in her eyes I saw endless worry, barely kept in check, that she'd she'd end up living in a world without Blackjack.

repeated "she'd"


Red beams burst from the spectre’s mouth and struck around the pair as the wraith cackled madly and the two ponies scattered.

"specter's"


I hunger for you!” the spectre shrieked.

"specter"


the spectre demanded, its voice rising

"specter"


The spectre’s ear-stabbing

"specter's"


Little Pip?  An agent for who?  

"LittlePip"


I like how she keeps trying to to good,

"trying to do good"


54:
Then the skies were split by a ripping boom as a dozen trails of crackling clouds coursed through the air, lead by a single rainbow vein.  

"led" not "lead"


Ramage laughed and grinned at Scotch Tape.

"Rampage"


My metal legs kicked the air before I huffed and laid limply.

"lay" not "laid"


Killed by a zebra sniper at Shattered Hoof  Ridge.

extra space between "Hoof" and "Ridge"


disappeared her into the O.I.A. ”

shouldn't have space between period/last dot and closing quotation mark


clip into the hellhound in front of me me before it finally

repeated "me"


and four alicorn hooves slammed into the her

delete "the"


“I can take em all on!” Glory said with a snap of her tail.

apostrophe for "em"


65:
So... where’s the Starmetal it’s supposed to react with?”

"Starmetal" shouldn't be capitalized


68:
Of course, that lead to me talking about

"led" not "lead"


of Flux and a unicorn template–"
"And used computer
to build the gun," I interrupted
"You said that.  What
putting a star spirit in Tom?"
"Unicorn Flux clones," he said, rather
"The mechasprites built

non-directional quotation marks


You might call it ‘self defense’ but your self defense is exceptionally hazardous to those who challenge it.”

"self-defense" in each case


“Right.  I gotta remember that line,” smirked the other

"smirk" isn't a speaking verb


One tube of wonderglue later, and all four of

"wonderglue" should be capitalized


We must look to the future and our self defense,

"self-defense"


“Pretty shure tha thing...  twernt feelin mighty talky,” he said as he sat down,

apostrophes for "tha", "twerent", and "feelin"? (also, why spell "sure" accent-phonetically when that's how it's pronounced anyway?)


“Y’all musta studied somethin fierce, that’s fer sure.”

apostrophe for "somethin"


My spoon hovered a inch from my mouth as I stared at her.  

"an inch"


69:
You want to distribute them across the hoof so we can organize

"the Hoof"


I’ll be in charge of every gang and soldier in the hoof.  

"the Hoof"


Much as I hate Cognitium for what she did,

"Cognitum"


I’ll go help Scotch,“ Glory said, starting to get up

inverted quotation mark


“Glory?” I rose and stepped after her

should have second space after quotation


“It’s LittlePip’s doin’,” Calamity said, straightfaced.  

"straight-faced"


The Castelanus... well...” Storm Chaser shook her head

"Castellanus"


70:
An impossible dream for three Wastelanders, but it was a start.”
Not just thrifty wastelanders.”
Just another Wastelander who’d come to fight for my survival.

should "Wastelander" be capitalized or not (6 times it is, ~13 it isn't)


Applejack.  Applebloom.  All failed

"Apple Bloom"


Sweetie Bot alongside a holographic Applebloom whose appearance flickered

"Apple Bloom"


71:
General Stormchaser that it was happening now,

"Storm Chaser"


I asked with a  frown.

extra space between "a" and "frown"


The support twisted under the weight of the tower, the clamp still attached to the rocket pulled it away from the other other two, and the great ship crumpled in the middle and toppled, smashing into pieces and a great pool of steaming liquid on the ground

repeated "other" (it's referring to the other two rockets, right, not something like two of the other four launchpads that weren't the central launchpad?)


72:
row after row of metallic and ivory fangs.   The scream it unleashed

three spaces after period


the medical mare said to Stronghoof as she started to remove the boot from Crumpet’s armor

"Crumpets's"


Finally I lifted my head enough to look at the a pair.

"the pair"
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by StoneSlinger88 on Tue Jan 27, 2015 1:58 am

Frost wrote:"Delegating" work, "Acquiring" gear, "Scheduling an appointment", "Supervising" and "securing" an area are all skills that require a good bit of art and subtlety to perform. That's something that just about every work of fiction gets wrong--patriotism and dedication to one's cause are great, but there's only so much menial work you're going to get from an underpaid and overworked joe or all-that-plus-babysitter NCO.

The depiction of Lieutenant Butterbar eagerly telling a main character that "we stand ready to perform our duty without fail! [organizational motto]!" Is entirely accurate--so long as it includes his platoon standing behind him, collectively rolling their eyes and muttering "shut the fuck up....." Under their breath.
"So, in short, you want us to do nothing while looking like we're doing something while actually doing nothing, albeit with half-assed motivation?"
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by O. Hinds on Tue Jan 27, 2015 5:21 am

@Icy Shake: Ah, thank you very much as always.

Icy Shake wrote:So, a perceptive, acrobatic quadruped possessed by an often malicious (if sometimes playfully so) spirit of chaos? Sounds like a cat to me!
:)

Icy Shake wrote:(also, why spell "sure" accent-phonetically when that's how it's pronounced anyway?)
[shrugs]

Icy Shake wrote:should "Wastelander" be capitalized or not (6 times it is, ~13 it isn't)
I don't know, but it looks like decapitalized is currently prevailing, so...
This probably means you'll need to add the other four to your list of things to post.  Sorry.

Icy Shake wrote:(it's referring to the other two rockets, right, not something like two of the other four launchpads that weren't the central launchpad?)
No, the other two remaining launch clamp supports.

Icy Shake wrote:I believe that it should be white panes.
Ah, yes, you appear to be correct.  I've changed the earlier description as well.

Icy Shake wrote:I believe the language was supposed to be "Pony", not "Equestrian", right?
Yes.

Icy Shake wrote:This is after Blackjack was knocked out for three days, which raises a potential plot hole: why didn't she do whatever she's working on with the servants of Cognitum during that time?
I'd guess it's because carrying Blackjack through the Core to Cognitum would be too much of a risk (to Blackjack, that is).
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by pokeperson1000 on Tue Jan 27, 2015 4:43 pm

Icy? um... though you assumed initially that there weren't many too many souls in the talisman, don't you remember a point in the story where fluttershy talks to rarity about how she didn't want the talisman, and how the hospital patients sent to rarity were supposedly "test subjects"?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Icy Shake on Tue Jan 27, 2015 8:55 pm

O. Hinds wrote:
Icy Shake wrote:This is after Blackjack was knocked out for three days, which raises a potential plot hole: why didn't she do whatever she's working on with the servants of Cognitum during that time?
I'd guess it's because carrying Blackjack through the Core to Cognitum would be too much of a risk (to Blackjack, that is).
Yeah, but there's still going to find Steel Rain and having a group of Harbingers bring her back with mechasprite suppression from Cognitum. I guess another explanation is that she couldn't know how long Blackjack would be out, and couldn't risk the questions raised if she were gone for a long time after she woke up.

pokeperson1000 wrote:Icy? um... though you assumed initially that there weren't many too many souls in the talisman, don't you remember a point in the story where fluttershy talks to rarity about how she didn't want the talisman, and how the hospital patients sent to rarity were supposedly "test subjects"?
Yes. The most relevant point is this:
Chapter 43:
Why would a buck like Rumble warrant a visit from a Ministry Mare? Especially this mare!

Rarity looked down at the limp buck with clear unease. She utterly ignored my presence as she sat beside him. “Number seven,” she said quietly as she peeled the sheet back. For a moment, I was certain that she was doing something indecent, but her eyes were drawn to his flank. His blank flank.

“You’d think after seven failures, we would have finally gotten it right…” Rarity said as she lifted a book from her saddlebag. As somepony who’d seen more treated hide than I had any right to, I could say with authority that it wasn’t like any book I could ever imagine Rarity allowing on her person. The cover was bound in black and silver gray in the pattern of a zebra glyphmark. The sight of it sent my mane squirming as I shivered involuntarily. “I’m following the instructions perfectly. So why isn’t it working?” she asked as she stroked her hoof over the dark surface. The hiss of her hoof against the leather cover sounded like whispers.

“Rarity?” a mare called softly from the doorway, making both of us jump. The book was whisked behind her poofy-curled purple tail as Rarity turned towards the door. There stood a rather exhausted looking Fluttershy. Her pink mane, shot through with a few strands of premature white, hung in disheveled sheets across her face. Worry lines were making their way slowly but inexorably across her features. “What are you doing here?”

“Ah… yes…” Rarity stammered as she grinned nervously, glancing back at Rumble and then at the concerned yellow pegasus. “Well, I’d gotten a report about mysterious attacks in Hightower Jail, darling. I was in the area, so I decided to see if my editors were getting creative again! That’s all,” she said with a nervous laugh. It was one that Fluttershy didn’t share as she walked to the bed.

“Have you heard anything else about it?” Fluttershy asked quietly before tugging the blanket back in place over Rumble. There was something oddly firm in Fluttershy’s question, and it made Rarity strain her smile even more.

“And how would I have heard anything about this? I don’t even know what is wrong with the poor dear!” she said as she gestured with her hoof.

“There isn’t anything wrong with him. Physically… medically… his body is just fine. Even his mind is intact, with all his memories. Whatever was done to him was completely outside the experience of unicorn magic.” She closed her eyes and bowed her head. “I’ve considered bringing Zecora in… or even trying to find medical experts in Yellow River and seeing if we can convince them to help us.”

“You wouldn’t dare!” Rarity hissed, narrowing her eyes at Fluttershy as her tail tightened. “They’re vicious, savage, horrible fiends.” Then, when she saw Fluttershy’s shocked expression, her words faltered. “They… um… they’re so… dirty and… garish…” Finally, she composed herself. “Besides, it’s firmly against Luna’s rules to associate with zebra mystics.”

“If they can help somepony like Rumble or the others…” Fluttershy began to say quietly as she smoothed his sheets, “I’ll do what I have to to help.”

Rarity sighed. “Fluttershy. Please, as tragic as this is, he wasn’t anypony important. Just an east side gang member with a history of assaults and attacks on others…” she said in a subdued voice as she surreptitiously transferred the black book to her bag.

“And how do you know that?” Fluttershy asked in a voice barely above a murmur.

“I… I… read it in the report, of course.” Rarity laughed nervously with a guilty grin.

Fluttershy didn’t look at her friend as she sat besides Rumble’s bed. “No. How do you know he’s not important?” Rarity’s grin melted as she looked at Fluttershy’s back. The pegasus never raised her voice. “I know he probably wasn’t the best pony, but he has a sister. Tumble. She’s been here almost every day she can. He’s her whole world.” The soft disappointment in her voice was worse than any accusation. “Everyone is important to someone,” she said quietly.

“Fluttershy… I…” Rarity began before her ears folded and she looked away. “I’m sorry, Fluttershy. It’s just… with everything going on… I didn’t mean what I said.”

Fluttershy turned and looked at her with that sad, searching expression. “I’ve got six other patients just like him, Rarity. All from Hightower… all missing their cutie marks. They’re not dead, nor have they had their memory erased. They’re just broken… and I don’t know how to help them.” Her teal eyes looked into Rarity’s darker eyes with sadness. “Do you?”

“I… I…” Rarity stammered as she glanced at the bag she’d tucked the book into. For a moment, I was certain that she was going to say something, but she slumped. “I’m sorry, Fluttershy. I can’t. I wish I could, but…”

But she couldn’t meet Fluttershy’s eyes.
It indicates Rumble was the seventh. Later, Snails gives us this:
Chapter 48:
When we were out of sight, I said in a low voice, “Tell me everything about that talisman inside Rampage. Specifically.”

He sighed and looked back at the door. “There’s not much to tell. We were more focused on getting it to work than on how it actually worked. It’s a regeneration talisman. It has a magical template and it restores the pony it’s imprinted on. The idea was that it would contain the soul of the last pony it was imprinted on. Removing a soul from a pony in its entirety was fatal, but what if the soul was still contained within the pony? That’s the idea.”

“And you put it in Razorwire first?”

“We put it in a half dozen ponies first… terminally ill or injured ponies… but they were too close to death for the talisman to work. Oh, there might have been some slight imprinting, but it didn’t do what Rarity intended.” He coughed and looked aside. “The Warden offered an alternative… we didn’t know he meant to kill Razorwire. Please, believe me, we wouldn’t have ever taken that step. The talisman almost worked, though… but she still died. Then the Angel of Death was captured…” And he shivered.

“That was one you killed.”

“I didn’t! And I never would.” He shuddered as he shook his head hard. “I don’t know what happened. I just know that when Snails and I came to the lab in the morning… Rarity… and the Angel…” He shook his head again, as if trying to physically rattle the memory from his mind. “When we got here, the Angel was dead. Rarity said that the Angel would never hurt anypony ever again, and then she insisted that we put the talisman in somepony who deserved it. The detective who captured the Angel was grievously wounded before her partner rescued her.”

Softheart. “But the talisman drove her insane, didn’t it?” I pressed.

“Maybe…” Snips said softly, looking away from me. “The haunting effect of soul jars wasn’t understood then… still isn’t, really. A soul jar is more than just an indestructible object. They want things. Feel things. Hate. Love. The detective was already under a lot of stress, and if we hadn’t gotten the haunting fully blended out by then… it could have been the haunting effect that pushed her over the edge.”

“What happened next?”

“That’s when we lost it the first time,” Snips said, licking his lips and giving me a sheepish smile.

“Right. And... how exactly do you lose a soul jar healing talisman?” My incredulous question drew a mirthless smile.

“Funny, that’s exactly what Rarity said. But the detective… well… after she was splattered by the train, her body went to the Ministry of Peace. And they found the talisman, saw it was perfectly undamaged… and… eh… somepony recycled it on the black market.” He licked his lips and looked away. “We spent six months looking for it. We have no idea how many ponies it might have been put inside; healing talismans like that were generally reserved for very important ponies. But eventually it was found when a patient it was inside… wouldn’t die.”

So there could still be souls hidden away inside Rampage. Ponies who received the illegal talisman, then grew increasingly unstable until they died, their souls trapped in the talisman. It was like a Silverstar Sporting Supplies that you stuck inside your chest. “Wouldn’t die… how?” I asked, fearing the answer.

“There was a commercial sky carriage en route to Canterlot when a bomb went off -- prematurely, it’s suspected. There were only a hoofful of survivors, mostly the pegasus team pulling it who could undo their harnesses. But there was one pony trapped inside the burning wreckage who was screaming… for hours. Rarity heard about it and immediately went personally to the scene of the crash.

“We’d been doing more research while the talisman was being looked for and had learned of the possibility that zebras are immune to telepathic magics through studies done in the M.A.S. Some mind control megaspell they were contemplating to end the war that never went anywhere. We’d been hypothesizing that that could help stabilize the talisman, and Rarity was so happy about getting it back... the very same day as the accident, we conducted an inspection to make sure that the talisman hadn’t significantly changed since we last saw it, and then Rarity sent it off to be implanted into one of the Proditor.”

“Shujaa…” I said as I looked back at him.

“...You’d probably know that better than us. Anyway, Rarity changed her mind the very next day, to our surprise... but by then the operation had been completed and the zebra was heading back into the field. We considered retrieving it, but decided that that would be more trouble that it was worth; if it still didn’t work, we’d get it back when she died.”

“But then you lost it again,” I said as I looked back at him. The unicorn gave me an uneasy look. “Somehow it got from Shujaa into Twist… and then Twist died…” That turned his features grim as his glowing eyes dropped.
So while there could have been some between Rumble and Razorwire, we aren't talking about many; there's only so many you can really round down to "a half dozen." Then there are the two gaps, the first after Softheart and going until Octopus. The number in there is unknown, but based on Rampage's cutie mark and the way everyone we can identify that had the talisman after Rumble has surfaced and none before, it's not too unreasonable to think that there probably weren't many in between. Then it was the simple track from Shujaa to Twist to Peppermint.

What I think is probably going on is that most of the souls seen in the MoI scene weren't recipients of the phoenix talisman like the personalities that have emerged, but souls directly harvested and put in the talisman before it was implanted in the first test subject. That could also explain why some were distinct, some vague.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by O. Hinds on Tue Jan 27, 2015 9:33 pm

Icy Shake wrote:Yeah, but there's still going to find Steel Rain and having a group of Harbingers bring her back with mechasprite suppression from Cognitum. I guess another explanation is that she couldn't know how long Blackjack would be out, and couldn't risk the questions raised if she were gone for a long time after she woke up.
Aye. Leaving Blackjack alone had the potential to be much more problematic than just waiting a bit longer. Rampage didn't actually want to hurt Blackjack, and Cognitum wanted to convert Blackjack; spooking Blackjack and making her feel suspicious and/or betrayed in an uncontrolled situation would not have been good for either of those.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Icy Shake on Tue Jan 27, 2015 11:39 pm

Did PH introduce Hydra and Turbo?

Asking because they appear in the Fallout Equestria game and I'm pretty sure they don't come from FoE.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by O. Hinds on Tue Jan 27, 2015 11:58 pm

Hm, you're right; they don't seem to appear in FoE.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by O. Hinds on Wed Jan 28, 2015 5:20 am

We have made an edit in Chapter 19.
Old Text:
Over the workstations were more stable designs flickering and rotating silently on their screens.  ‘Rapture Hydrostable’ resembled dozens of bubbles.  Was it supposed to go underwater?  ‘Sea Star Hydrostable’ looked more like some sort of floating island.  ‘Celestia I Astrostable’ had rotating wheels like a wagon and long sweeping wings while the ‘Luna I Astrostable’ didn’t appear much different from the big Stable Two.  ‘Big Macintosh Megastable’ was positively huge, looking as if it’d been designed to hold thousands instead of hundreds.  ‘Scootaloo Aerostable’ seemed more designed for cloud dwellers, while the ‘Pinkie Pie Aerostable’ hung from huge balloons!  There were other designs that seemed even less concrete.
New Text:
Over the workstations were more stable designs flickering and rotating silently on their screens.  ‘Rapture Hydrostable’ resembled dozens of bubbles.  Was it supposed to go underwater?  ‘Sea Star Hydrostable’ looked more like some sort of floating island.  ‘Celestia Astrostable’ had rotating wheels like a wagon and long sweeping wings while 'Luna Astrostable' actually looked a lot like 99 but built inside a big aboveground pyramid for some reason; I couldn't see how ponies were supposed to reach the door all the way up at the top.  ‘Big Macintosh Megastable’ was positively huge, looking as if it’d been designed to hold thousands instead of hundreds.  ‘Scootaloo Aerostable’ seemed more designed for cloud dwellers, while the ‘Pinkie Pie Aerostable’ hung from huge balloons!  There were other designs that seemed even less concrete.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by ILM126 on Wed Jan 28, 2015 8:46 am

O. Hinds wrote:We have made an edit in Chapter 19.
Old Text:
Over the workstations were more stable designs flickering and rotating silently on their screens.  ‘Rapture Hydrostable’ resembled dozens of bubbles.  Was it supposed to go underwater?  ‘Sea Star Hydrostable’ looked more like some sort of floating island.  ‘Celestia I Astrostable’ had rotating wheels like a wagon and long sweeping wings while the ‘Luna I Astrostable’ didn’t appear much different from the big Stable Two.  ‘Big Macintosh Megastable’ was positively huge, looking as if it’d been designed to hold thousands instead of hundreds.  ‘Scootaloo Aerostable’ seemed more designed for cloud dwellers, while the ‘Pinkie Pie Aerostable’ hung from huge balloons!  There were other designs that seemed even less concrete.
New Text:
Over the workstations were more stable designs flickering and rotating silently on their screens.  ‘Rapture Hydrostable’ resembled dozens of bubbles.  Was it supposed to go underwater?  ‘Sea Star Hydrostable’ looked more like some sort of floating island.  ‘Celestia Astrostable’ had rotating wheels like a wagon and long sweeping wings while 'Luna Astrostable' actually looked a lot like 99 but built inside a big aboveground pyramid for some reason; I couldn't see how ponies were supposed to reach the door all the way up at the top.  ‘Big Macintosh Megastable’ was positively huge, looking as if it’d been designed to hold thousands instead of hundreds.  ‘Scootaloo Aerostable’ seemed more designed for cloud dwellers, while the ‘Pinkie Pie Aerostable’ hung from huge balloons!  There were other designs that seemed even less concrete.

So.... I'm gonna have to redownload the file? And reread...   Big mac
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by O. Hinds on Wed Jan 28, 2015 11:28 am

The edit was only in one part of that one paragraph.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by MSCA on Wed Jan 28, 2015 3:03 pm

Icy Shake wrote:Did PH introduce Hydra and Turbo?

Asking because they appear in the Fallout Equestria game and I'm pretty sure they don't come from FoE.
Those chems appeared in Fallout: New Vegas.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Harmony Ltd. on Wed Jan 28, 2015 4:16 pm

Hydra has been a plot point in one (or several?) chapter(s) of PH already, back in the first or second Book.

Turbo... I'm not sure but I think it got covered as the drug called "Dash" in PH.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by O. Hinds on Wed Jan 28, 2015 8:02 pm

Dash is Jet, I think.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Icy Shake on Wed Jan 28, 2015 10:04 pm

Right, one of the games all this is based on. Oops. If I ever knew those were in NV (I've only played 1 and 2), I'd forgotten. Also, turns out PH didn't include Turbo at all.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Valikdu on Thu Jan 29, 2015 2:16 am

Icy Shake wrote:Also, turns out PH didn't include Turbo at all.

Rainboom? I think.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by O. Hinds on Sat Jan 31, 2015 6:27 pm

We have edited 72:
Old Text:
Below us, I could see our destination: a square pad, Cognitum's rocket already perched imperiously in the center of it, sitting on a flat, open plain. Two lines on the moon’s surface ran off from the pad at an acute angle to each other, one plunging straight into a abyssal crevasse of deep purple and black crystals and the other running to a pyramidal structure perched on the edge of the chasm. I watched a little train streaking away from the landing platform along one of the lines, headed straight for the dark gorge, as we came in for a landing.
New Text:
Below us, I could see our destination: a square pad, Cognitum's rocket already perched imperiously in the center of it, sitting on a flat, open plain. Two lines on the moon’s surface ran off from the pad at an acute angle to each other, one plunging straight into a abyssal crevasse of deep purple and black crystals and the other running to a terraced structure built into the edge of the chasm. I watched a little train streaking away from the landing platform along one of the lines, headed straight for the dark gorge, as we came in for a landing.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by MSCA on Sun Feb 01, 2015 5:14 pm

These changes are tantalizing, since they're relatively small changes but obviously made out of necessity for upcoming events.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by pokeperson1000 on Sun Feb 01, 2015 5:54 pm

Valikdu, i thought rainboom was mentioned by razorwire as a mixture of dash and something else, wasn't it?

correct me if i'm wrong (which i most likely am)
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Icy Shake on Sun Feb 01, 2015 6:00 pm

Dash plus a couple drops of Flux.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

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