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Fallout: Equestria - To The Heavens

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Post by Veradon Chimera Fri May 30, 2014 7:34 pm

Alright, this is an idea I've had gestating for a while and in the last week, I've writing out a plan encompassing a story of 13 chapters. I've also decided to do it in a different way when I've tried to do it in the past, choosing to post a snippet every day or two. Let's see how this turns out.

Word of warning: This is a basically an anime fanboy taking the absurd of shonen and filtering it through the Old World Blues DLC. That last sentence alone should have you either intrigued or running for the hills. You've been warned.

All proofreading and feedback is appreciated.

And now, to the heavens!

Fallout: Equestria - To The Heavens
Despite living in the ever expanding Stable 106, Brave has always felt constrained by it. For years he's been looking for a way out, dragging his soul brother Drillbit along on his misadventures. But when their Stable is invaded by a band of highly-equipped soldiers, they suddenly find their way into the world above.

Now they have to forge their way in the infamous Testing Stage.

[url=https://docs.google.com/document/d/1n3AzudY04g3qGOHCCzww3-_-GWIMEJiRCsy-kYz9k9Q/edit?usp=sharing]Chapter 1 - Serial GDoc[/url] / Chapter 1 - Final GDoc *
Snippet 1 (Here) / Snippet 2 / Snippet 3 / Snippet 4 / Snippet 5 / Snippet 5.5 / Snippet 6 / Snippet 7 / Snippet 8 / Snippet 9 / Snippet 10 / Snippet 11 / Snippet 12 / Snippet 13 / Snippet 14
*Serial is as the story was updated day-by-day. Final is the edited complete version of that chapter. 

Chapter 2 - Serial GDoc
Snippet 1 / 

Chapter One, Snippet One:

Hm. Could of sworn I wrote more than that. But I'll get another snippet out tomorrow, so hopefully it'll even out over time. Hope you enjoy.


Last edited by Veradon Chimera on Fri Jul 04, 2014 9:27 pm; edited 5 times in total (Reason for editing : Update of Chapter 1, Snippet 5)

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Post by Veradon Chimera Sat May 31, 2014 8:33 pm

New part. Fruit of the day's labours. GDoc is updates for those that prefer it.

Chapter 1, Snippet 2:

Again, any and all feedback is appreciate.

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Post by Veradon Chimera Sun Jun 01, 2014 8:24 pm

To anyone who this concerns: apologies, no snippet today. Was out all day and wasn't in a state of mind to write when I got home. I've a free morning tomorrow, so I'll have something to post tomorrow night.

Hopefully I'll keep these no productively days to a minimum, as that would entirely defeat the point of this day-by-day snippet posting schedule.

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Post by Veradon Chimera Mon Jun 02, 2014 8:43 pm

New snippet. GDoc updated.

Chapter 1, Snippet 3:

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Post by Veradon Chimera Tue Jun 03, 2014 6:13 pm

Today's new snippet. GDoc updated.

Chapter 1, Snippet 4:

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Post by Veradon Chimera Thu Jun 05, 2014 8:14 pm

Here it is. Sorry that there was no snippet yesterday, just couldn't find the drive. Might try for a double length update tomorrow to make up for it. GDoc updated for those that prefer. 

Chapter 1, Snippet 5:

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Post by Veradon Chimera Fri Jun 06, 2014 7:17 pm

New snippet, and am delving into the strange freedom of third person story-telling. Straying from Drillbit's viewpoint in this one. GDoc updated.

Chapter 1, Snippet 6:

I may not get an update up tomorrow, due to the fact that I'll be at a friend's house and he doesn't have internet. I'll still write tomorrow though, so expect some compensation on Sunday.

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Post by Veradon Chimera Tue Jun 10, 2014 7:26 pm

Right. Apologises for the long wait. Between card games and the pub, the weekend was not kind to writing. Monday was lack of muses/me being lazy, depending on how forgiving you are. But here's the next snippet. Schedule should be normal the next few days. GDoc updated.

Chapter 1, Snippet 7:

Now, I may or may not have put conflicts to the previous snippet in here (the first part of this snippet went through several drafts, so I forget), but once the first chapter is complete, I'll be touching the whole thing up in general. So if you are worried, no need.

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Post by Veradon Chimera Thu Jun 12, 2014 6:14 pm

Right, uh. Sorry about the lack of an update yesterday, I'll explain it below. GDoc updated, as usual.

Chapter 1, Snippet 8:

Alright, sorry that there was no update yesterday, but I hit a stumbling block. You have no idea how hard it was stopping Brave from just sprinting off into that fight. Trying to get him to react right to Drillbit and keep him to my plan was a task. I still don't think I pulled it off and I'm wondering should I have let him loose. And the the end of it does not know what it's doing either with the comparison of Brave and Valour. I'm telling you, this segment is getting particular attention when I'm touching the chapter up at the end. Again, apologies for it and hopefully tomorrow will be better.

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Post by Veradon Chimera Fri Jun 13, 2014 8:11 pm

New snippet. We're now getting into the meat of the chapter. About 2/3 to 3/4 of the way through Chpter 1 now. GDoc updated.

Chapter 1, Snippet 9:

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Post by Veradon Chimera Mon Jun 16, 2014 4:07 pm

Sorry for the two day silence. It was a mixture of 'laziness' and 'out with mates' so things took their time getting written. But I've a bit of the next section written, so hopefully, unless disaster strikes my muse, there'll be one tomorrow.

Chapter 1, Snippet 10:

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Post by Veradon Chimera Tue Jun 17, 2014 8:57 pm

I apologise in advance for the atrocious level of writing in this snippet. The words just weren't coming easily today. I might even just rewrite this section from scratch in the final draft, because I feel its just that poor.

Chapter 1, Snippet 11:

Here's this story's true self finally coming out now; robbing a tank. And this is just the beginning...

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Post by Veradon Chimera Wed Jun 18, 2014 7:26 pm

New update. Gdoc updated.

Chapter 1, Snippet 12:

Sorry for leaving it in such an 'in the middle' place, but the heat was getting to me today. Just wanted to laze about all day. Still, I posted something and am on track to finish Chapter 1 soon.

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Post by Veradon Chimera Sat Jun 21, 2014 7:06 pm

New update. Sorry for the few day wait, I was find it hard to sit down and write. GDoc as well.

Chapter 1, Snippet 13:

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Post by Veradon Chimera Thu Jun 26, 2014 6:29 pm

Apologies for the long wait again. Inspiration struck for another work of mine and that sucked away a few days of writing time. But here it is, the last section of chapter 1. Enjoy. GDoc updated. 

Chapter 1, Snippet 14 (Final):

Alright, now that Chapter 1 is complete, I'm going to talk about a few things. One, I'm going to take a few days off to touch up the first chapter. After that Chapter 2. But, for now, here are a few planned revisions for the first chapter.

Changes to Chapter 1:

If you want to suggest anything else, or weigh in on Brave/Braveheart, I'd love to hear from you.

Second, there may be a couple of you who noticed that the opening of the first chapter was aped from the first episode of Gurren Lagann. Do not worry, this isn't going to be a retelling of GL with post-apocalyptic ponies. Starting subtly next chapter, but exploding in Chapter 3 onwards, will be many references to other anime. It was just that in my head, FoE and the opening of GL lined up so well.

So I hope to hear feedback, discussion, anything at all. Did you love it? Did you hate it? What do you hope to see in it? How can I improve it? 

And, of course, thank you for reading.

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Post by Veradon Chimera Mon Jun 30, 2014 1:39 pm

Most of you won't care, but here's the compiled and touched up, final version of chapter 1. Most of it is the same except for an extra scene between snippet 5 and 6, which is there below. But first the link:

Chapter 1, Complete

And the extra scene, bridging what Drillbit was doing between the two snippets, because I thought that before it was a bit of a jump. 

Chapter 1, Snippet 5.5:

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Post by Veradon Chimera Fri Jul 04, 2014 9:08 pm

Sorry for taking so long in jumping into Chapter 2. Had a bit of a health scare, but everything's turned out grand. 

This is the first snippet for the second chapter. Sorry for it being so iffy, I literally slotted the Veteran's section in at the last minute to prevent a massive infodump later, so there will be a few contradictions throughout. I felt it was the most natural time in the near future to divulge this information, otherwise the main cast would spend ages wandering around without any idea who the villains are. However, I definitely want to smooth the transitions between sections at a later date.

Hope you enjoy.

Chapter 2, Snippet 1:

Just realised you Americans are celebrating your Independence Day today. Probably wasn't the best time to post a new section. Ah well, hope you all had a good day.

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Post by Veradon Chimera Sun Jul 06, 2014 7:52 pm

Sorry, continuing Sunlight's explanation from the last section. Really, should have been posted in the same snippet. GDoc updated.

Chapter 2, Snippet 2:

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Post by Veradon Chimera Thu Jul 10, 2014 4:40 pm

Sorry for the delay (this is becoming a bad habit), I had a bad time trying to make the setting compliant with canon and then had a hard time trying to characterise the doctor in this snippet. GDoc updated. 

Chapter 2, Snippet 3:

Might sound like begging here, but does nobody have anything to say about this? I'm in no dangerous of stopping, but the lack of feedback is slightly disheartening.

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Post by Veradon Chimera Mon Jul 14, 2014 7:12 pm

New update. Sorry for the slow-up overall this month. GDoc updated.

Chapter 2, Snippet 4:

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Post by Veradon Chimera Fri Jul 18, 2014 7:16 pm

New update.

Chapter 2, Snippet 5:

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Post by Veradon Chimera Wed Jul 23, 2014 6:31 am

New update.

Chapter 2, Snippet 6:

Not sure how effective, Brave's sentiment is in the second half of this. I tried to capture his confusion, but I think even the resolution is confusing too. Bah, I'll come back to it.

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Post by Veradon Chimera Sun Aug 03, 2014 2:53 pm

New update

Chapter 2, Snippet 7:

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