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Starmetal Sword Chronicles

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Starmetal Sword Chronicles

Post by Exodus Hero on Tue Feb 11, 2014 11:35 pm

Spoiler Alert! If you haven't read Fallout Equestria: Project Horizon up to chapter Sixty Two, its probably best you read that before coming to this story (although if you don't mind minor spoilers, I'd welcome you to read). You have been fairly warned! Spoilers will probably be in the text below! Spoilers!

The following narrative is intended to be a couple of small chapters highlighting the adventures of a Radroach in his quest to find the Champion of the Starmetal Sword.

I've made this thread in order for people to give me praise to point out the typos and errors that I can't see as the author. Any pointers will help a lot and also hopefully improve my writing in the long run. Thanks for taking the time to read and have a nice day!

Links in the Spoilers!:
Part One
Part Two
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Re: Starmetal Sword Chronicles

Post by Admiral Stoic Rum on Wed Feb 12, 2014 8:42 pm

seems plausable, how can the rad roach survive in the core?
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Re: Starmetal Sword Chronicles

Post by Exodus Hero on Fri Feb 14, 2014 4:20 pm

Admiral Stoic Rum wrote:seems plausable, how can the rad roach survive in the core?
Survive the enervation or just the harsh nature of core in general?
Spoiler:
To my understanding, radroaches are generally able to survive under normally harsh conditions just like other species of roaches in real life. In the story, I've made it so that the protagonist radroach survives generally from running away and hiding, unlike other radroaches encountered in FO stories. In addition, the Starmetal sword has a sentience and is able to guide and protect him in situations that would normally kill him, (Such as enervation). Thus far, the sword is trying to improve his combat skills (as revealed in part two) and give him a fighting chance to find the Champion. I'll try to make it more clear in additional chapters to avoid confusion.
Thanks for the comment and reading.
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Re: Starmetal Sword Chronicles

Post by Rusty Hooves on Sun Feb 16, 2014 5:47 am

Dude, this looks pretty cool.  I'm going to read this asap.  I'll try to provide feedback soon.  <insert relevant smiley here>
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Re: Starmetal Sword Chronicles

Post by Rusty Hooves on Mon Feb 17, 2014 9:52 pm

I've read parts 1 and 2 and I am enjoying so far.  
story stuff:
So, Pride (I swear I recognize that name from these stories) killed his buddy so he didn't have to live having been cut up and raped by slavers/raiders/D-bags after the roach wielded the starmetal sword and killed the bad guys.  I was slightly confused why Pride was so cool with a roach having sentience and being able to kill ponies.  
Also, I am guessing the sword is a soul jar or something?
I would like to read more of this story, looking forward to the rest of this and I hope we do get to reach Black Jack in the end.
Good luck on your work on this!  /] \_
Spoiler:
that was supposed to be a radroach leg and a brohoof
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Re: Starmetal Sword Chronicles

Post by Exodus Hero on Tue Feb 18, 2014 12:41 am

Rusty Hooves wrote:I've read parts 1 and 2 and I am enjoying so far.  
story stuff:
So, Pride (I swear I recognize that name from these stories) killed his buddy so he didn't have to live having been cut up and raped by slavers/raiders/D-bags after the roach wielded the starmetal sword and killed the bad guys.  I was slightly confused why Pride was so cool with a roach having sentience and being able to kill ponies.  
Also, I am guessing the sword is a soul jar or something?
I would like to read more of this story, looking forward to the rest of this and I hope we do get to reach Black Jack in the end.
Good luck on your work on this!  /] \_
Spoiler:
that was supposed to be a radroach leg and a brohoof
Thanks for reading!

Spoiler:
Pride, in this story, is not based on any characters. He's an OC I was planning on using for a Fallout story a while back and I thought it would be cool to link him in if I ever decided to expand that story. As for Pride being unphased by the Radroach's sentience, I will try and explain this in either the next chapter or improve the dialogue to make it more clear how the characters are feeling. As for the sword, I'm keeping that purposely ambiguous.
_/ [\
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Re: Starmetal Sword Chronicles

Post by Meleagridis on Fri Feb 21, 2014 12:59 pm

I love how Slave Willing is basically a samurai. Obey the master even in vileness for fear of dishonor. The dialogue is wonderfully campy, I was chuckling for a lot of this. Judging by the rain and the raider mercy killing, it's in Hoofington, right?

Rusty Hooves wrote:
Good luck on your work on this!  /] \_
Spoiler:
that was supposed to be a radroach leg and a brohoof
Exodus Hero wrote: _/ [\
Pft!
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Re: Starmetal Sword Chronicles

Post by Exodus Hero on Fri Feb 21, 2014 6:15 pm

Meleagridis wrote:I love how Slave Willing is basically a samurai. Obey the master even in vileness for fear of dishonor. The dialogue is wonderfully campy, I was chuckling for a lot of this. Judging by the rain and the raider mercy killing, it's in Hoofington, right?

Rusty Hooves wrote:
Good luck on your work on this!  /] \_
Spoiler:
that was supposed to be a radroach leg and a brohoof
Exodus Hero wrote: _/ [\
Pft!
Thanks for reading!
The setting is indeed in Hoofington. :)
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