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[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Harmony Ltd. on Sun Jun 23, 2013 6:56 pm

Kippershy wrote:Wait, Blackjack masturbated in front of her? I don't remember that part.
From chapter 56, ante-penultimate page :

Spoiler:
Somber, PH chapter 56 wrote:I cleared the door, poked my head out into the hall, and eyed one of my bodyguards.  The two stallions jumped, “Yes, your majesty?” one asked.  Stringy.  Not what I was looking for.  I eyed the other.  Better, but not quite what I wanted.  If I couldn’t imagine the babies... And, I thought with a sigh, Glory would kill me.  And not in a fun way.

“Nevermind,” I muttered as I stepped back inside and closed the door.  Well, in the meantime, I had the old stable 99 standby...  Sticky hooves...  

*    *    *

When Glory stepped through the door a while later (the guards not trying to stop her, I noticed), we wore matching expressions of tired and awkward.  Boo trotted out immediately, flushing and looking like, at the moment, she wanted to be anywhere but here.  Glory gave her a curious look as she departed for said anywhere else, but then shrugged, walked right up to me, pushed herself into my hooves, and snuggled down atop me.  “Make me stop thinking about boys,” she groaned as she nuzzled my neck.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Kippershy on Sun Jun 23, 2013 7:06 pm

Harmony Ltd. wrote:
Kippershy wrote:Wait, Blackjack masturbated in front of her? I don't remember that part.
From chapter 56, ante-penultimate page :

Spoiler:

Somber, PH chapter 56 wrote:I cleared the door, poked my head out into the hall, and eyed one of my bodyguards.  The two stallions jumped, “Yes, your majesty?” one asked.  Stringy.  Not what I was looking for.  I eyed the other.  Better, but not quite what I wanted.  If I couldn’t imagine the babies... And, I thought with a sigh, Glory would kill me.  And not in a fun way.

“Nevermind,” I muttered as I stepped back inside and closed the door.  Well, in the meantime, I had the old stable 99 standby...  Sticky hooves...  

*    *    *

When Glory stepped through the door a while later (the guards not trying to stop her, I noticed), we wore matching expressions of tired and awkward.  Boo trotted out immediately, flushing and looking like, at the moment, she wanted to be anywhere but here.  Glory gave her a curious look as she departed for said anywhere else, but then shrugged, walked right up to me, pushed herself into my hooves, and snuggled down atop me.  “Make me stop thinking about boys,” she groaned as she nuzzled my neck.
Oh yeah. Forgot about that bit. Or more specifically, I didn't consider that Boo would be watching.
What a weird idea.
Now this just puts smut into my head.
Spoiler:
Anyone up for some R34 of Blackjack slicking away in the doggystyle position and Boo just watching like "wat Big mac"
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Derpmind on Sun Jun 23, 2013 7:56 pm

Has Boo ever seen masturbation or sex before? Maybe she's feeling embarrassed and confused because BJ just did a weird biology thing and it smells gross.

So I was thinking, Boo is cute and all but her name kinda feels like a pet name. When she 'grows up' and starts talking, (there is no spoon if,) anyone else think maybe she would want to change her name a little bit? It is common fandom that ponies sometimes change their name after they get their cutie mark.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by RoboRed on Sun Jun 23, 2013 8:16 pm

Just finished reading. Took notes this time while I read to remember my points, however random or brief they may be.
Spoiler:

There needs to be art of BJ nomming the crown. Possibly in the style of that overused Twilight-nomming-a-book meme.

Fancy's fate by getting assassinated/betrayed...boy, that is sad. Fancy's a swell guy, and it's a shame that had to happen.

If there were ever evidence of P-21 now being the most normal of the bunch, this chapter has it.

Wavemaster. Queen Snack Cake is now canon. More art now. Chop chop.Spike

That memory - I figured out it was Maripony before it was mentioned. Somehow, I just knew.

And now we know Psalm's ultimate fate and the depth of her/Lacunae's involvement between BJ and the Goddess.

Speaking of the Godddess...*ROBORAGEROBORAGEROBORAGEROBORAGEROBORAGEROBORAGEROBORAGEROBORAGEROBORAGEROBORAGEROBORAGE...*

You know, I had forgotten that Awesome and offspring were supposed to be descended from Shining Armor...Yay! Blackjack has cousins!Twilight Sparkle

Rampage is best life support. Honestly, I loved the way Rampage was portrayed in this chapter. It was hilarious.

Grace is high on the list of ponies I think will probably be chosen as ruler.

Dealer and Boo...There were a lot of Boo antics displayed in the chapter. And it's interesting how she seems to be able to sense Dealer.

“Lancer,” I muttered.  Sexy thoughts retreated... a little.
Oh yeah, I forgot they were all going through "that time". Heh...to think that she would even be thinking of doing THAT with him is amusing.

Wait...Glory and Splendid? Hoo boy...
Well, I guess it is a little bit explainable, given the "time of the month" thing, but I still have some issue with it. For all the hell that she's been giving BJ about sleeping with Stygius (I said his name - raeg nao, puppets.), it seems rather hypocritical that she's asking this way and giving BJ a pass if she wants to sleep with somepony else.

Also, I can't help but feel this is going to bite one or both of them in the flank in the near future. Possibly 11 months later with something calling Glory "mommy"...

Somber wrote:Anyway, sorry.  I hope this doesn't become a legate thing, because I can't change it much.  I can add that comment about Dash's body if it helps though.
*shrug* I don't have THAT big of an issue with it, heavens no. And I read the explanation you gave. Meh, whatevs.

Kippershy wrote:For some reason, I really want some R34 art of Blackjack x Lancer now.
Yeah, I kinda feel the same way. And ditto for Glory x Splendid.

Harmony Ltd. wrote:
Kippershy wrote:Wait, Blackjack masturbated in front of her? I don't remember that part.
From chapter 56, ante-penultimate page :

Spoiler:

Somber, PH chapter 56 wrote:I cleared the door, poked my head out into the hall, and eyed one of my bodyguards.  The two stallions jumped, “Yes, your majesty?” one asked.  Stringy.  Not what I was looking for.  I eyed the other.  Better, but not quite what I wanted.  If I couldn’t imagine the babies... And, I thought with a sigh, Glory would kill me.  And not in a fun way.

“Nevermind,” I muttered as I stepped back inside and closed the door.  Well, in the meantime, I had the old stable 99 standby...  Sticky hooves...  

*    *    *

When Glory stepped through the door a while later (the guards not trying to stop her, I noticed), we wore matching expressions of tired and awkward.  Boo trotted out immediately, flushing and looking like, at the moment, she wanted to be anywhere but here.  Glory gave her a curious look as she departed for said anywhere else, but then shrugged, walked right up to me, pushed herself into my hooves, and snuggled down atop me.  “Make me stop thinking about boys,” she groaned as she nuzzled my neck.
HA! Oh god, I completely overlooked that bit! Priceless!Applebloom


Last edited by RoboRed on Mon Jun 24, 2013 1:09 am; edited 2 times in total

------------------
Aonee wrote:
jacky2734 wrote:((Aonee, don't make me invent a way to punch you over the internet.))
((If you do, I will invent a Korean technique to block it with someone else's face. And, construct more pylons.))

CamoBadger wrote:((Wow, zebra incest is powerful shit))

Mister Frost's friend, "Darren" wrote:"I'm scared to break up with her, though. Her dad's an ex-marine; if I make her cry he'll club me over the head with a pillowcase full of doorknobs and Tom Clancy novels."

Sindri wrote:This is a thread for fans of a fanfiction of a fanfiction about murderous miniature pastel equines in a grimdark post-apocalyptic future.
If you wanted to stay anywhere near socially acceptable, you should have taken a left turn about three layers of WTF back.

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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Guest on Sun Jun 23, 2013 8:20 pm

So as I understand the going theory around here was Eclipse was princess Luna? Well that would be transformation magic... Anyone wanna take a bet on the SPP shield being special in that it not only has the ability to detect this type of magic but can dispel it as well?

Guest
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Moodyman90 on Sun Jun 23, 2013 8:34 pm

Transformation or a very powerful Illusion spell. That's my take on it.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by RoboRed on Sun Jun 23, 2013 8:38 pm

Alicorn-level magic. Don't gotta explain shit.Trollestia

------------------
Aonee wrote:
jacky2734 wrote:((Aonee, don't make me invent a way to punch you over the internet.))
((If you do, I will invent a Korean technique to block it with someone else's face. And, construct more pylons.))

CamoBadger wrote:((Wow, zebra incest is powerful shit))

Mister Frost's friend, "Darren" wrote:"I'm scared to break up with her, though. Her dad's an ex-marine; if I make her cry he'll club me over the head with a pillowcase full of doorknobs and Tom Clancy novels."

Sindri wrote:This is a thread for fans of a fanfiction of a fanfiction about murderous miniature pastel equines in a grimdark post-apocalyptic future.
If you wanted to stay anywhere near socially acceptable, you should have taken a left turn about three layers of WTF back.

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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by O. Hinds on Sun Jun 23, 2013 8:39 pm

FeatherDust wrote:
O. Hinds wrote:
Evilgidgit wrote:Another popular fan story is a certain one called Cupcakes.Crazy

Also, I think I found a grammar error in Chapter 46. About four pages before the end of the chapter:

"What?" I asked as looked from him to the armour.

Should there be an I in there?
Ah, thank you, though I think that it's just meant to be armor (American/Commonwealth spelling differences).
edit: Are you sure that that was in 46?  I'm not finding it.  Oh, actually, here it is; it was already corrected.  Thank you anyway.

No, no, you missed the point, it's not the spelling of armor.  There should be an "I" in there between "as" and "looked".  The second clause lacks a subject.
Oh, sorry! Thank you for pointing this out. Unfortunately, the doc seems to be full at the moment, but I've noted this down for later.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by O. Hinds on Sun Jun 23, 2013 8:46 pm

FeatherDust wrote:
O. Hinds wrote:Also, ugh, for some reason Gdocs thinks that pretty much every single word in Chapter 6 is misspelled.  It even offers suggestions!  "every->Did you mean Ebery?"
Check your language settings.  That usually means you accidentally got switched into German dictionary mode or something.
Huh, one can set language doc-by-doc?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Caoimhe on Sun Jun 23, 2013 9:24 pm

Ugh, so busy. So busy and tired. Finally finished it, though. 

Not much to say, however I figure it's about time I get to that one Sombery criticism I've always wanted to mention but keep forgetting to:

Sometimes you establish a character being in a scene or saying something, then have Blackjack's thoughts wander for a while and then refer to the referenced character using a pronoun. This can be confusing at times and happens quite often.

Let me reference the beginning of this chapter for an example:


“You have got to be fucking kidding me!” I shouted for the third time at the gray ghoul with the magnificent coiffeur.  At least this time we were doing it in the privacy of King Awesome’s bedchambers.  Seeing the body was the first thing I’d demanded.  I’d imagined that maybe this was some kind of joke or trick or… something.  Seeing him lying in repose on his bed… witnessing the relaxed expression on his face…. Damnit!  I’d liked the old stallion.  He’d been the first pony I’d ever been able to talk to about Goldenblood and the O.I.A.  He’d understood me!  And now he was gone and I was Queen and… “Tell me you are fucking kidding me,” I pleaded.
“Oh please.  As if I’d waste my good humor on such tacky comedy,” he said in fancy elocution.  “The King named you his successor soon after you departed.  And shortly before he did.”

Note the bolded "he" is referencing HT who spoke in the first line after BJ muses about several other characters and lines of thought. Of course BJ is easily distracted but it can be a bit confusing to the reader to recall who "he" is referring to (especially in this case since another use of "he" is referring to King Awesome). 

Anyway with that out of the way, I enjoyed this very much, not much to say really but I do like that Glorydash is being referenced bluntly (in a way) again. I was worried that everyone was getting too used to her not being herself.

Has she, at this point in the story, now been in Dash form longer than her normal self?



Edit: Holy crap when did the post edit thing change? It's nigh impossible to fix a bolding error now!
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Derpmind on Sun Jun 23, 2013 9:36 pm

Caoimhe wrote:Edit: Holy crap when did the post edit thing change? It's nigh impossible to fix a bolding error now!

I have no idea when it happened, and it's annoying as hell, but there's a 'switch editor mode' button that fixes it.  It looks like a piece of paper and going left to right is the last button.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by O. Hinds on Sun Jun 23, 2013 9:49 pm

@FeatherDust:
And now I feel foolish. I've been waiting for 56 to clear up for nothing, as the error was, of course, in 46.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by SilentCarto on Sun Jun 23, 2013 11:20 pm

Ch. 56 Commentary:

"Some even turned to…egghhh…”  He trembled, lip curling in disgust.  “…cannibalism.  Not from necessity but by choice. [...] It’s been two generations since then, but there are still some elements that cling to… uncivilized ways."
Ahh. Hello, Mortimer. Now I see what King Awesome wanted from BJ.

Rampage let out a feigned sneeze that sounded a lot like, “Whipped!”
“Only if she behaves,” Glory replied with a smile at me that made me wish the floor would swallow me up.
I'll just be over here, snickering.

It pinged, bounced off the floor, flipped end over end, and landed neatly on Boo’s head.
ALL HAIL THE NEW QUEEN! I, for one, welcome our new overlord of snack time!

The blank mare made a better queen than I did!
HAIL! HAIL! HAIL!

“Good!  Now you can pick somepony who can make things better for the serfs here,” P-21 said with the first real smile I’d seen since we’d arrived.

It was shortlived as Glory countered, “Now wait a minute, P-21.  The serfs already live much better lives than almost everypony in the Hoof. Think of the good the Society can do for the entire region!”

Rampage snorted and rolled her eyes.  “Please.  These bastards couldn’t do good with a gun to their head.  Just take whatever you need and move on.  This place isn’t worth your time.”
Configure power grid to send power to:
-Fremont and Westside
-Full region
-Archimedes II
And, of course, Splendid represents the choice for McCarran and the Strip.

Suddenly a horn dipped down from above and touched mine, and the impulse abated immediately.
Huh. It sort of sounds like the more the Goddess dumps on Lacunae, the more Lacunae slips out from under her control.

“So is there a reason I’m not experiencing this first-person?” I asked as I watched the black-armored mare trudge through the forest towards a ridge far above.
“This is not within you.  It is a memory within me,” Lacunae whispered.
You realize that doesn't make any sense, right? Lyra

Then Psalm crested the ridge and stopped at the lip of the valley, and I saw it: a massive hulking block of a building beside a luminescent hole full of chaotic, flickering light.
I have a feeling this is the last Psalm memory we're going to see...

Things… glowing, protoplasmic things… crept along those deep ravines.
Eyaaagh, Lovecraftian! I guess these are what's left of things that have been exposed to phenominal levels of taint and radiation...

From the buckling in the roads, it looked as if the entire area had been shaken like a bedsheet and left rumpled. [...] The blast echoed across the eerily howling valley.
That is some awesome imagery. I'm not positive, but it seems like you're taking a few pages from the Divide to describe early-post-war Maripony. Amazing.

Her horn flickered, and one by one the clasps of the respirator were detached from the helmet.
Ulysses' Mask? Might explain her radiation resistance.

Hoofington Megaspell Command.
It's the only way to be sure.

Then she hit enter. The targeting talisman turned from a milky white to a blood red.
That is... really cool!

Corroding your confidence.  Filling you with the self-destructive need that I’ve felt for two centuries.
It probably bears pointing out that BJ had already tried to kill herself at Star Point four chapters before she ever connected with Lacunae. Maybe the bits of Psalm made it worse, but that aspect of BJ was already there. And how could Lac possibly be responsible for the Seahorse? Is she taking credit for BJ using Folly, even knowing the cost? Because I'm not buying that.

I actually laughed, bringing her up short.  “Probably.”  She paused and gaped at me as I smiled at her.  “Come on, Lacunae.  This is teenager-grade angst.
Bwahahaha! Even BJ's not buying that. I love it!

“When I transferred my memories to you, it created a link between you and I.  That link has grown since.  No amount of taint would have connected you to myself and Unity!” she cried and shook her translucent head.  “Through me, the Goddess is connected to you.”
Hmm. So... isolating Lac should be enough to sever the connection. If they could trick her into some Pink Cloud or something without the Goddess noticing...

“Death to tyrants!” screamed a stallion behind me as I felt a prick in my shoulder.  I turned, looking at one of the unicorn servants whose magic glowed around a carving knife stuck an inch or two into my body.  Chaos broke out as there were yells and screams, but these dwindled away as everypony realized I wasn’t screaming in agony.  I could feel the tip of the blade caught in the augments under my hide.
Excuse me while I giggle my head off.

Okay, I'm back.

I levitated the blade to my mouth, flicked off the blood, and then began to eat it from the tip.  Chewing each bite deliberately, I maintained my stare, and since I didn’t have to blink, I could do it a very long time.
Nope, I'm gone again.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA...

Okay, back again. I love how BJ's friends are all totally inured to this. Next up, poison! "Do you have any idea what my liver is made of now? No, seriously, cuz I don't. Ask Glory, maybe."

If teaching me to dance was an incredibly convoluted way to get the crown, it was working.
Yeah, I'm still liking Grace, which makes me terribly suspicious of her, which makes me feel guilty for being suspicious.

I hate politics as much as Blackjack does.

Of course, nopony is ready for Rampage.
Oh boy! It's been a while since we got to see Rampage really go to town on somepony.

“Hoofington… rises…” he… or maybe she… it was hard to tell through all the blood… said weakly before falling over limply.
SHIT.

I’d publically declared that if I were killed, Rampage had full carte blanche to take my revenge on the perpetrators and left it vague as to if that meant the actual assassins, the Society, or everypony in the Hoof who’d looked at me wrong.
Now you're playing politics Blackjack-style!

With their help, we’ll turn the Hoof into what it once was: a cornerstone of Equestria.
And that worked out just great last time...

We’ve got more than half our security force keeping the serfs in line.  If we employed more stringent methods to get them to work, that would free up ponies to secure the rest of the Hoof.
Welp, you just earned a great big NOPE in my book, with a little asterisk noting that you should be killed if you decide to be a problem.

“What memories do feel like you?” I asked as I sat up.
She thought a moment.  “Everything from when I was yanked out of that crater by those ghouls on."
Toldja. I don't care how many souls you have or where they're stored, there's somepony named Rampage here that isn't Twist or Candy or anypony else.

Then the door was pushed open, admitting a frantic looking Charm.  “Blackjack!  They’ve taken them!”
RIGHT! Time to reduce the potential selections. I think someone has forgotten that being Queen gives BJ the right to dish out summary executions. (And if it doesn't, then being 400 pounds of angry cyborg does.)

“I’m following her PipBuck tag,” I replied evenly and saw her eyes grow a little wider.
I've no doubt this is still going to go bad, but BJ taking zero bullshit is so great.

In the back was the minotaur, Pain Train, holding onto a bound Scotch Tape with one huge hand.
Uh oh. Rematch time! With upgrades!

“You!  How did you find--“ the mare began, but I entered S.A.T.S. and shot her through her foreleg with a single magic bullet.
No, seriously, ONE chance. And that was it.

“He’s going to break her neck!  Any second now!  He’s going to do it!”  She looked at me, then at the stoic minotaur holding Scotch Tape by the neck.  “Do it!”
That's just about enough outta you, Darla Dimple.

I locked eyes with him, just as I had that last time we’d met.  Then he looked at Charm, reached down, and carefully undid the ropes on Scotch Tape’s legs.
Good choice.

“Get over here!” Scotch Tape roared, and tackled Charm before the filly got three steps.
Fuck yeah, Scotch Tape!

“That’s because you’re doing it wrong,” rasped a voice that I hadn’t heard in a while.
I thought this scene looked short by one character! Yay!

“You live with it and accept it.  You can’t gamble and expect not to fail, and nothing in this life comes with zero risk.  Trust yourself and decide, and then move on to all those big things that you need to do.
Ante up.

Lacunae raised her shield, but what came down was not an onslaught of bullets or energy blasts but a spark grenade and a strange black river rock with a spiral carved into the surface.
That looks like Zebra tech. Is that Lancer up there?

“With... your body... and the thoughts you’re trying to put inside my head!  Desist!  Now!”
Oh. Sweet. Celestia.

“Stop it,” he muttered, and I felt him move over me.  “Stop your... magic...”
Fuck me sideways with the sun. I'm starting to think Tenebra wasn't so far off base about the "beguiling flanks of steel" thing. When the heck did BJ pick up the Black Widow perk?

“So who was it?” I asked with a small smile.
“You’re not mad?” she said barely above a whisper.
Tsk tsk tsk... I think someone has some apologizing to do.

She sighed and looked away.  “Splendid.”
Ah.  Well, I couldn’t fault her taste.
Ew. I could fault BJ's. But I guess my criterion of "Are they a good person?" doesn't figure into her calculation.

“So, you seem... happy.  Have you made a decision about who to give the crown to?”
I paused, frowned, then realized.  “You know... I think I have...”
Grace kinda wins by default, here, doesn't she?
Editing:

A colt scampered out from a corners of the room with a red threadworn pillow and set it down just as Hoity sat.
I've never heard the word "threadworn". I think you meant to use either "worn" or "threadbare". Also, color traditionally comes after physical qualities a list of descriptors, so it should be "a threadbare red pillow".
More on Adjective Order:
Adjectives, for whatever reason, have an order of precidence and it sounds strange if you get your adjectives out of order. Chapter 126 of "English is Weird", I guess. You usually don't use more than two or three of these at a time, of course.
The typical list is:
Opinions -- beautiful, ugly, silly, that sort of thing. Generalized opinions (nice, beautiful) come before specific ones (intelligent, uncomfortable)
Size -- huge, tiny, eight-foot, pint-sized, etc.
Age -- Ancient, new, antique, old, young...
General Physical Qualities -- Round, flat, rough, overstuffed, threadbare...
Color -- Bluish, pink, ochre...
Origin -- French, lunar, eastern, Greek...
Material -- Wooden, metal, copper, paper...
Purpose -- This is really part of the noun, but it's useful to note that helper words that specify what sort of item you're talking about go here. "Ball gown", "cooking pot", "sleeping bag", "costume party", that sort of thing.

The lime green colt rubbed his darker pine green mane, “Actually, my name’s--”
This should be, "...rubbed his darker, pine-green mane." Including the final period.

"A good lad for raider stock."
The lack of a comma after "lad" completely reverses the meaning of this sentence!

"My discerning eye made acquiring the best goods far more simplistic,"
I think you want to use "far easier" here. Simplistic describes things that are patronizingly simplified, not things that are easy.

They just lived outside it.
Seems like this should be "outside of it".

The ghoul ignored them, speaking in grand tones,
Again, the quote isn't directly part of this sentence, so it should end with a period. If he was "saying in grand tones," then the comma would be appropriate.

So overloaded and with the world collapsing around us, we found ourselves at a loss.
"So, overloaded..."

The waitstaff and servants who remained were very pleased to have us put things in some semblance of civilization.
"To set things in order" is a set phrase. "To set things in civilization" doesn't quite fit here. I'd go with either "to have us put things in some semblance of order" or "to have us reestablish some semblance of civilization".

Not from necessity but by choice.
necessity, but

Even the serfs, who’ve been rumbling for years, have gone silent waiting to see what will happen next.
silent, waiting

It was shortlived as Glory countered,
short-lived

“Oh we closed that gaudy thing down years and years ago,” Hoity countered.
Oh, we

Then Psalm crested the ridge and stopped at the lip of the valley, and I saw it: a massive hulking block of a building beside a luminescent hole full of chaotic, flickering light.
massive, hulking

Either that suit had some superb radiation shielding or she was tripled dosed on Rad-X, or both.
triple-dosed

I expected bobby pins but was in error as I watched Psalm apply a wad of plastic explosives to the lock and move aside.
Should be "pins, but". Also, this might flow better as "in error. I watched..."

Her horn flickered, and one by one the clasps of the respirator were detached from the helmet.
one by one, the clasps

her black hide was pale and ashen and riddled with sores.
"pale" and "ashen" mean the same thing. I'd recommend removing "pale".

“You know,” Lacunae answered solemnly as we passed ponies whose bones had melted into the superstructure.
Woah, woah, woah. Time out! The only place we've ever seen bones melted into things is in Canterlot and Horizon Labs, where they were exposed to megadoses of Pink Cloud or Taint. Radiation doesn't do that.

Every now and then the memory around me blurred as she struggled to maintain consciousness.
now and then, the memory

Suddenly, Psalm entered a corridor that wasn’t just intact but lit!
intact, but

The emergency lighting flickered, despite the gaps in the wall.
Two issues here. No comma after flickered, but more importantly, the sentence needs to be reworked altogether. The paragraph starts out telling us the lights are on, then adds that they're flickering. So when you say "despite the gaps in the wall", it sounds like the lighting is flickering (off) in spite of the gaps in the walls, as if the damage should be making them work well.

The sentence should probably be switched around to start with, "Despite constant flickering, the emergency lighting lit the hallway well enough to see gaps and buckles in the walls" or "Despite the gaps in the walls, the emergency lighting ran with only the occasional flicker."

I stared down into an enormous room of vats of glowing blue flesh.  There’d once been six, but two had ruptured and filled the floor with purple and green sludge.
This sounds like the undamage vats contain glowing blue flesh, and like there were six... fleshes? Did you mean "vats and glowing blue flesh"? And it should probably specify six vats.

A chaotic storm of blue energy flickered and flashed over the living magical mass, occasionally coalescing into a twisted, agonized mare.
living, magical. Also, I assume the energy is just forming Trixie's ghostly image. It should probably say "coalescing into the shape of a..."

in a tattered white labcoat
Lab coat is two words.

She flailed her hooves, but instantly her broken limbs took on the consistency of soft wax.
"but her broken limbs instantly took on". Also, both sentences here refer to her "limbs". One of those should probably change to "legs".

Then she hit enter.
Enter should be capitalized.

Then there was a crack, and she was lifted into the air, blazing like a torch as her body hung limply as radiation and pieces of the ceiling tumbled down upon her.
Too many "as" conjunctions. How about "hung limply beneath the tendril. Radiation and pieces of the ceiling..."? Also, how does radiation tumble down on someone? "Radiation and pieces of the ceiling showered her" might be a more appropriate metaphor.

We fell with her, and suddenly Maripony disappeared in an endless sea of blue.
and suddenly, Maripony

“Murderer… treasonous… killer… butcher…”
I'd use "traitor" rather than "treasonous".

All the rest of the attendees clustered on the edges, watching with shifty eyes and whispering softly to each other while giving hard glares to others.
The distinction between "each other" and "others" isn't right. It should probably say, "whispering softly to some of their fellows while..."

Glory, P-21, and Rampage kept an eye out on me so I could focus on Awesome’s departure.
"kept and eye out for me" or "kept an eye on me".

Finally the body was pushed out onto the reservoir
Finally, the body

For an instant all eyes were on the craft
instant, all

Grace smiled at me in approval as Splendid seemed to work it over in her head.
His.

Splendid returned her cool glance.  “Certainly, you don’t believe this was me?”
No comma after "Certainly".

I never quite understood why either.
why, either.

“Need air!” she wheezed desperately, before I released her.
“Sorry!” I said at once, releasing her, then grinning a little sheepishly.  “I just… I never had much family.”
Released her twice, there. Also, it should be "then grinned".

and here I am dancing and giddy that I’ve found someone I can call family, no matter how removed.
how far removed

It isn’t always about you, Blackjack.
Direct quotation of thoughts should be italicized.

“You better not be without me!”
be, without

“I never met a guard immune to bribes, bullets, or blowjobs.”
There should probably be a "that was" before "immune", and the quote needs to be attributed. Is this Rampage talking?

“Catch!”  She snapped, heaving again and tossing the bisected remains on the pair on the right side of the door.
Technically, he's not bisected unless her ridge blades sliced him entirely in half.

I looked down the hall to where my ‘guards’ stood staring with gormless looks on their face.
faces.

sat at my side boredly as my ‘champion’.
sat boredly at my side

“There’s a certain point where you have so much going on, that helping my friends is the only thing that feels like it really matters."
No comma after "going on".

“Unless one of my friends’ lives are in danger, piss off!  That’s a royal command!”
The plurals and possessives in that phrase get really messy. I'm positive it's wrong but I'm not sure what would be right. I advise "Unless the life of one of my friends is in danger".

Finally she got Charm in a hooflock around the princess’s neck.
"Finally, she..." And this should say either "got charm in a hooflock" or "got a hooflock around the princess's neck". I recommend the latter.

Lacunae raised her shield, but what came down was not an onslaught of bullets or energy blasts but a spark grenade and a strange black river rock
energy blasts, but

I slipped off with a little petulant groan and trotted to Lacunae.
Order of adjectives -- should be "petulant little groan"

“I hope not.  Just...” she trailed off and tapped her forehooves together.  “Ask me when I’m a little more myself, okay."
Question mark after "okay".
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by StoneSlinger88 on Sun Jun 23, 2013 11:44 pm

Harmony Ltd. wrote:It has been suggested I think (or maybe I'm just inventing that on the spot) that Boo may have become "tuned" to Blackjack, which might explain :

- Why Boo can apparently see and hear things only Blackjack can.

- Why Boo reacted the way she did to BJ masturbating in front of her : it's in fact BJ projecting a feeling of shame onto Boo, which made Boo "feel" "embarrassed".

- Why Boo was distraught when separated from Blackjack for a long period of time : she's become a part of her, to some extent.


As for the weird luck of Boo... well, we know that she is born of Discord's blood. We also know that Blackjack got kissed by Discord. And it's become pretty evident that Boo isn't your run of the mill blank, but that there is something special about here - One In A Million. Blackjack's cutie mark also represent a game of luck and gamble. And if Boo got "tuned" into Blackjack...

I may be reading too much into that.
Well, it is possible Lacunae took some of Blackjack's mind and put it into Boo.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by O. Hinds on Mon Jun 24, 2013 12:14 am

SilentCarto wrote:
Ch. 56 Commentary:

"Some even turned to…egghhh…”  He trembled, lip curling in disgust.  “…cannibalism.  Not from necessity but by choice. [...] It’s been two generations since then, but there are still some elements that cling to… uncivilized ways."
Ahh. Hello, Mortimer. Now I see what King Awesome wanted from BJ.

Rampage let out a feigned sneeze that sounded a lot like, “Whipped!”
“Only if she behaves,” Glory replied with a smile at me that made me wish the floor would swallow me up.
I'll just be over here, snickering.

It pinged, bounced off the floor, flipped end over end, and landed neatly on Boo’s head.
ALL HAIL THE NEW QUEEN! I, for one, welcome our new overlord of snack time!

The blank mare made a better queen than I did!
HAIL! HAIL! HAIL!

“Good!  Now you can pick somepony who can make things better for the serfs here,” P-21 said with the first real smile I’d seen since we’d arrived.

It was shortlived as Glory countered, “Now wait a minute, P-21.  The serfs already live much better lives than almost everypony in the Hoof. Think of the good the Society can do for the entire region!”

Rampage snorted and rolled her eyes.  “Please.  These bastards couldn’t do good with a gun to their head.  Just take whatever you need and move on.  This place isn’t worth your time.”
Configure power grid to send power to:
-Fremont and Westside
-Full region
-Archimedes II
And, of course, Splendid represents the choice for McCarran and the Strip.

Suddenly a horn dipped down from above and touched mine, and the impulse abated immediately.
Huh. It sort of sounds like the more the Goddess dumps on Lacunae, the more Lacunae slips out from under her control.

“So is there a reason I’m not experiencing this first-person?” I asked as I watched the black-armored mare trudge through the forest towards a ridge far above.
“This is not within you.  It is a memory within me,” Lacunae whispered.
You realize that doesn't make any sense, right? Lyra

Then Psalm crested the ridge and stopped at the lip of the valley, and I saw it: a massive hulking block of a building beside a luminescent hole full of chaotic, flickering light.
I have a feeling this is the last Psalm memory we're going to see...

Things… glowing, protoplasmic things… crept along those deep ravines.
Eyaaagh, Lovecraftian! I guess these are what's left of things that have been exposed to phenominal levels of taint and radiation...

From the buckling in the roads, it looked as if the entire area had been shaken like a bedsheet and left rumpled. [...] The blast echoed across the eerily howling valley.
That is some awesome imagery. I'm not positive, but it seems like you're taking a few pages from the Divide to describe early-post-war Maripony. Amazing.

Her horn flickered, and one by one the clasps of the respirator were detached from the helmet.
Ulysses' Mask? Might explain her radiation resistance.

Hoofington Megaspell Command.
It's the only way to be sure.

Then she hit enter. The targeting talisman turned from a milky white to a blood red.
That is... really cool!

Corroding your confidence.  Filling you with the self-destructive need that I’ve felt for two centuries.
It probably bears pointing out that BJ had already tried to kill herself at Star Point four chapters before she ever connected with Lacunae. Maybe the bits of Psalm made it worse, but that aspect of BJ was already there. And how could Lac possibly be responsible for the Seahorse? Is she taking credit for BJ using Folly, even knowing the cost? Because I'm not buying that.

I actually laughed, bringing her up short.  “Probably.”  She paused and gaped at me as I smiled at her.  “Come on, Lacunae.  This is teenager-grade angst.
Bwahahaha! Even BJ's not buying that. I love it!

“When I transferred my memories to you, it created a link between you and I.  That link has grown since.  No amount of taint would have connected you to myself and Unity!” she cried and shook her translucent head.  “Through me, the Goddess is connected to you.”
Hmm. So... isolating Lac should be enough to sever the connection. If they could trick her into some Pink Cloud or something without the Goddess noticing...

“Death to tyrants!” screamed a stallion behind me as I felt a prick in my shoulder.  I turned, looking at one of the unicorn servants whose magic glowed around a carving knife stuck an inch or two into my body.  Chaos broke out as there were yells and screams, but these dwindled away as everypony realized I wasn’t screaming in agony.  I could feel the tip of the blade caught in the augments under my hide.
Excuse me while I giggle my head off.

Okay, I'm back.

I levitated the blade to my mouth, flicked off the blood, and then began to eat it from the tip.  Chewing each bite deliberately, I maintained my stare, and since I didn’t have to blink, I could do it a very long time.
Nope, I'm gone again.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA...

Okay, back again. I love how BJ's friends are all totally inured to this. Next up, poison! "Do you have any idea what my liver is made of now? No, seriously, cuz I don't. Ask Glory, maybe."

If teaching me to dance was an incredibly convoluted way to get the crown, it was working.
Yeah, I'm still liking Grace, which makes me terribly suspicious of her, which makes me feel guilty for being suspicious.

I hate politics as much as Blackjack does.

Of course, nopony is ready for Rampage.
Oh boy! It's been a while since we got to see Rampage really go to town on somepony.

“Hoofington… rises…” he… or maybe she… it was hard to tell through all the blood… said weakly before falling over limply.
SHIT.

I’d publically declared that if I were killed, Rampage had full carte blanche to take my revenge on the perpetrators and left it vague as to if that meant the actual assassins, the Society, or everypony in the Hoof who’d looked at me wrong.
Now you're playing politics Blackjack-style!

With their help, we’ll turn the Hoof into what it once was: a cornerstone of Equestria.
And that worked out just great last time...

We’ve got more than half our security force keeping the serfs in line.  If we employed more stringent methods to get them to work, that would free up ponies to secure the rest of the Hoof.
Welp, you just earned a great big NOPE in my book, with a little asterisk noting that you should be killed if you decide to be a problem.

“What memories do feel like you?” I asked as I sat up.
She thought a moment.  “Everything from when I was yanked out of that crater by those ghouls on."
Toldja. I don't care how many souls you have or where they're stored, there's somepony named Rampage here that isn't Twist or Candy or anypony else.

Then the door was pushed open, admitting a frantic looking Charm.  “Blackjack!  They’ve taken them!”
RIGHT! Time to reduce the potential selections. I think someone has forgotten that being Queen gives BJ the right to dish out summary executions. (And if it doesn't, then being 400 pounds of angry cyborg does.)

“I’m following her PipBuck tag,” I replied evenly and saw her eyes grow a little wider.
I've no doubt this is still going to go bad, but BJ taking zero bullshit is so great.

In the back was the minotaur, Pain Train, holding onto a bound Scotch Tape with one huge hand.
Uh oh. Rematch time! With upgrades!

“You!  How did you find--“ the mare began, but I entered S.A.T.S. and shot her through her foreleg with a single magic bullet.
No, seriously, ONE chance. And that was it.

“He’s going to break her neck!  Any second now!  He’s going to do it!”  She looked at me, then at the stoic minotaur holding Scotch Tape by the neck.  “Do it!”
That's just about enough outta you, Darla Dimple.

I locked eyes with him, just as I had that last time we’d met.  Then he looked at Charm, reached down, and carefully undid the ropes on Scotch Tape’s legs.
Good choice.

“Get over here!” Scotch Tape roared, and tackled Charm before the filly got three steps.
Fuck yeah, Scotch Tape!

“That’s because you’re doing it wrong,” rasped a voice that I hadn’t heard in a while.
I thought this scene looked short by one character! Yay!

“You live with it and accept it.  You can’t gamble and expect not to fail, and nothing in this life comes with zero risk.  Trust yourself and decide, and then move on to all those big things that you need to do.
Ante up.

Lacunae raised her shield, but what came down was not an onslaught of bullets or energy blasts but a spark grenade and a strange black river rock with a spiral carved into the surface.
That looks like Zebra tech. Is that Lancer up there?

“With... your body... and the thoughts you’re trying to put inside my head!  Desist!  Now!”
Oh. Sweet. Celestia.

“Stop it,” he muttered, and I felt him move over me.  “Stop your... magic...”
Fuck me sideways with the sun. I'm starting to think Tenebra wasn't so far off base about the "beguiling flanks of steel" thing. When the heck did BJ pick up the Black Widow perk?

“So who was it?” I asked with a small smile.
“You’re not mad?” she said barely above a whisper.
Tsk tsk tsk... I think someone has some apologizing to do.

She sighed and looked away.  “Splendid.”
Ah.  Well, I couldn’t fault her taste.
Ew. I could fault BJ's. But I guess my criterion of "Are they a good person?" doesn't figure into her calculation.

“So, you seem... happy.  Have you made a decision about who to give the crown to?”
I paused, frowned, then realized.  “You know... I think I have...”
Grace kinda wins by default, here, doesn't she?
Editing:

A colt scampered out from a corners of the room with a red threadworn pillow and set it down just as Hoity sat.
I've never heard the word "threadworn". I think you meant to use either "worn" or "threadbare". Also, color traditionally comes after physical qualities a list of descriptors, so it should be "a threadbare red pillow".
More on Adjective Order:
Adjectives, for whatever reason, have an order of precidence and it sounds strange if you get your adjectives out of order. Chapter 126 of "English is Weird", I guess. You usually don't use more than two or three of these at a time, of course.
The typical list is:
Opinions -- beautiful, ugly, silly, that sort of thing. Generalized opinions (nice, beautiful) come before specific ones (intelligent, uncomfortable)
Size -- huge, tiny, eight-foot, pint-sized, etc.
Age -- Ancient, new, antique, old, young...
General Physical Qualities -- Round, flat, rough, overstuffed, threadbare...
Color -- Bluish, pink, ochre...
Origin -- French, lunar, eastern, Greek...
Material -- Wooden, metal, copper, paper...
Purpose -- This is really part of the noun, but it's useful to note that helper words that specify what sort of item you're talking about go here. "Ball gown", "cooking pot", "sleeping bag", "costume party", that sort of thing.

The lime green colt rubbed his darker pine green mane, “Actually, my name’s--”
This should be, "...rubbed his darker, pine-green mane." Including the final period.

"A good lad for raider stock."
The lack of a comma after "lad" completely reverses the meaning of this sentence!

"My discerning eye made acquiring the best goods far more simplistic,"
I think you want to use "far easier" here. Simplistic describes things that are patronizingly simplified, not things that are easy.

They just lived outside it.
Seems like this should be "outside of it".

The ghoul ignored them, speaking in grand tones,
Again, the quote isn't directly part of this sentence, so it should end with a period. If he was "saying in grand tones," then the comma would be appropriate.

So overloaded and with the world collapsing around us, we found ourselves at a loss.
"So, overloaded..."

The waitstaff and servants who remained were very pleased to have us put things in some semblance of civilization.
"To set things in order" is a set phrase. "To set things in civilization" doesn't quite fit here. I'd go with either "to have us put things in some semblance of order" or "to have us reestablish some semblance of civilization".

Not from necessity but by choice.
necessity, but

Even the serfs, who’ve been rumbling for years, have gone silent waiting to see what will happen next.
silent, waiting

It was shortlived as Glory countered,
short-lived

“Oh we closed that gaudy thing down years and years ago,” Hoity countered.
Oh, we

Then Psalm crested the ridge and stopped at the lip of the valley, and I saw it: a massive hulking block of a building beside a luminescent hole full of chaotic, flickering light.
massive, hulking

Either that suit had some superb radiation shielding or she was tripled dosed on Rad-X, or both.
triple-dosed

I expected bobby pins but was in error as I watched Psalm apply a wad of plastic explosives to the lock and move aside.
Should be "pins, but". Also, this might flow better as "in error. I watched..."

Her horn flickered, and one by one the clasps of the respirator were detached from the helmet.
one by one, the clasps

her black hide was pale and ashen and riddled with sores.
"pale" and "ashen" mean the same thing. I'd recommend removing "pale".

“You know,” Lacunae answered solemnly as we passed ponies whose bones had melted into the superstructure.
Woah, woah, woah. Time out! The only place we've ever seen bones melted into things is in Canterlot and Horizon Labs, where they were exposed to megadoses of Pink Cloud or Taint. Radiation doesn't do that.

Every now and then the memory around me blurred as she struggled to maintain consciousness.
now and then, the memory

Suddenly, Psalm entered a corridor that wasn’t just intact but lit!
intact, but

The emergency lighting flickered, despite the gaps in the wall.
Two issues here. No comma after flickered, but more importantly, the sentence needs to be reworked altogether. The paragraph starts out telling us the lights are on, then adds that they're flickering. So when you say "despite the gaps in the wall", it sounds like the lighting is flickering (off) in spite of the gaps in the walls, as if the damage should be making them work well.

The sentence should probably be switched around to start with, "Despite constant flickering, the emergency lighting lit the hallway well enough to see gaps and buckles in the walls" or "Despite the gaps in the walls, the emergency lighting ran with only the occasional flicker."

I stared down into an enormous room of vats of glowing blue flesh.  There’d once been six, but two had ruptured and filled the floor with purple and green sludge.
This sounds like the undamage vats contain glowing blue flesh, and like there were six... fleshes? Did you mean "vats and glowing blue flesh"? And it should probably specify six vats.

A chaotic storm of blue energy flickered and flashed over the living magical mass, occasionally coalescing into a twisted, agonized mare.
living, magical. Also, I assume the energy is just forming Trixie's ghostly image. It should probably say "coalescing into the shape of a..."

in a tattered white labcoat
Lab coat is two words.

She flailed her hooves, but instantly her broken limbs took on the consistency of soft wax.
"but her broken limbs instantly took on". Also, both sentences here refer to her "limbs". One of those should probably change to "legs".

Then she hit enter.
Enter should be capitalized.

Then there was a crack, and she was lifted into the air, blazing like a torch as her body hung limply as radiation and pieces of the ceiling tumbled down upon her.
Too many "as" conjunctions. How about "hung limply beneath the tendril. Radiation and pieces of the ceiling..."? Also, how does radiation tumble down on someone? "Radiation and pieces of the ceiling showered her" might be a more appropriate metaphor.

We fell with her, and suddenly Maripony disappeared in an endless sea of blue.
and suddenly, Maripony

“Murderer… treasonous… killer… butcher…”
I'd use "traitor" rather than "treasonous".

All the rest of the attendees clustered on the edges, watching with shifty eyes and whispering softly to each other while giving hard glares to others.
The distinction between "each other" and "others" isn't right. It should probably say, "whispering softly to some of their fellows while..."

Glory, P-21, and Rampage kept an eye out on me so I could focus on Awesome’s departure.
"kept and eye out for me" or "kept an eye on me".

Finally the body was pushed out onto the reservoir
Finally, the body

For an instant all eyes were on the craft
instant, all

Grace smiled at me in approval as Splendid seemed to work it over in her head.
His.

Splendid returned her cool glance.  “Certainly, you don’t believe this was me?”
No comma after "Certainly".

I never quite understood why either.
why, either.

“Need air!” she wheezed desperately, before I released her.
“Sorry!” I said at once, releasing her, then grinning a little sheepishly.  “I just… I never had much family.”
Released her twice, there. Also, it should be "then grinned".

and here I am dancing and giddy that I’ve found someone I can call family, no matter how removed.
how far removed

It isn’t always about you, Blackjack.
Direct quotation of thoughts should be italicized.

“You better not be without me!”
be, without

“I never met a guard immune to bribes, bullets, or blowjobs.”
There should probably be a "that was" before "immune", and the quote needs to be attributed. Is this Rampage talking?

“Catch!”  She snapped, heaving again and tossing the bisected remains on the pair on the right side of the door.
Technically, he's not bisected unless her ridge blades sliced him entirely in half.

I looked down the hall to where my ‘guards’ stood staring with gormless looks on their face.
faces.

sat at my side boredly as my ‘champion’.
sat boredly at my side

“There’s a certain point where you have so much going on, that helping my friends is the only thing that feels like it really matters."
No comma after "going on".

“Unless one of my friends’ lives are in danger, piss off!  That’s a royal command!”
The plurals and possessives in that phrase get really messy. I'm positive it's wrong but I'm not sure what would be right. I advise "Unless the life of one of my friends is in danger".

Finally she got Charm in a hooflock around the princess’s neck.
"Finally, she..." And this should say either "got charm in a hooflock" or "got a hooflock around the princess's neck". I recommend the latter.

Lacunae raised her shield, but what came down was not an onslaught of bullets or energy blasts but a spark grenade and a strange black river rock
energy blasts, but

I slipped off with a little petulant groan and trotted to Lacunae.
Order of adjectives -- should be "petulant little groan"

“I hope not.  Just...” she trailed off and tapped her forehooves together.  “Ask me when I’m a little more myself, okay."
Question mark after "okay".
Ah, thank you as always. For various reasons, I've not implemented every change you suggested, but I concurred with most of your declarations of error.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by thatguyvex on Mon Jun 24, 2013 12:25 am

Just finished chapter. Thoughts:


Spoiler:

As expected, politics and Blackjack don't mix. Still, this involved far fewer explosions than I'd been expecting and had half feared the Society would be little more than a gore strewn crater by the end of this chapter. Blackjack's not doing too shabby on the restraint; only killed one pony that I could count for the whole chapter... is that a record? Still, poor sniper, who knew TK bullets had that kind of range?

Splendid sounds like he'd get along famously with Red Eye. No crown for him.

Grace I continue to like. Which worries me because characters I like tend to die. Don't get assassinated, or get dumb and try to betray Blackjack in some stupid plot Grace. Or jump in front of bullet to save Blackjack from someone else's stupid plot. Blackjack can survive getting shot a few times. Out of the three you're the best candidate for crown.

Charm, you are too young and dumb to run anything. Just quit this whole Society gig and become Scotch Tape's minion.

I like how Boo is more and more displaying acquired intelligence. Not sure where it's coming from, and I hope its really just her brain getting smarter as its put to use through constant stimulus and social interaction. Wonder if she'll ever learn speech? Hope so.

Lancer and Blackjack... Really? Really!? I mean... sure it'd be hot, but... the guy is a mass murderer... but it would be kind of hot...

Waitwhat, Glory and Splendid!? Well, here's hoping she remembered to use some kind of protection.

Overall alright chapter. Shows how frustratingly difficult it is to even try to find the high road in that kind of situation. Still got to keep my fingers crossed though, because they still got the Gala to go and the possibility of explosions only seems to increase around Blackjack in direct proportion to how much she wants to avoid them, magnified by the number of ponies that are around her that she doesn't want exploded.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by cb5 on Mon Jun 24, 2013 12:47 am

Just finished the chapter . . finally.

I liked it, also didn't expect lancer.  Also the stone thing is interesting.  Blackjack should keep a hold of it, just in case.

Also I did not expect the little one of the three siblings to be such a utter and complete brat.  Good thing she's sure isn't being chosen.

Finally I have a couple of dollars spare in my paypal. How does one send donations through a email on paypal? I haven't done that before.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Somber on Mon Jun 24, 2013 1:21 am

I really love the reviews.  I got a great laugh right when I needed one Silent.  Even though the Glory thing has proved to be a bit of a mess... well... nice to know the complete chapter wasn't a wash.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by O. Hinds on Mon Jun 24, 2013 2:35 am

cb5 wrote:Finally I have a couple of dollars spare in my paypal.  How does one send donations through a email on paypal?  I haven't done that before.
I don't remember the specifics, but it's quite easy. There's a "send money" button somewhere in your account that will give you a place to enter the email address.

Somber wrote:I really love the reviews.  I got a great laugh right when I needed one Silent.  Even though the Glory thing has proved to be a bit of a mess... well... nice to know the complete chapter wasn't a wash.
...You know, I do hope that, one day, there'll be a chapter about which you say "Yeah, that was a good chapter, wasn't it?".
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Somber on Mon Jun 24, 2013 3:10 am

I will.  It'll be titled.  "Friendship."
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Bootleg on Mon Jun 24, 2013 3:36 am

Somber wrote:I will.  It'll be titled.  "Friendship."
AND IT SHALL BE GLORIOUS! <Mhaura>HAHA!


Last edited by Bootleg on Mon Jun 24, 2013 3:38 am; edited 2 times in total
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Luminous Lead on Mon Jun 24, 2013 3:37 am

Somber wrote:I will.  It'll be titled.  "Friendship."
Sounds like a penultimate chapter, or at least a book capper.  You've invested an incredible amount of time writing up to this point, and the rest of us have put in a ton of reading to follow you.  I have no regrets either, 101% worth it. I'll look forward to "Friendship" then, because if these chapters aren't what you would call good, then I can't imagine how much more awesome the awaited one will be.  Until then though, I intend to fully enjoy all the intervening steps.

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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Overlong Analysis Cobalt on Mon Jun 24, 2013 3:46 am

Somber wrote:I will.  It'll be titled.  "Friendship."
This is the equivalent of GRRM's explanation of how A Song of Ice and Fire will end, isn't it. =P I can't tell if it'll be a happy chapter or a subdued, post-storm sort of chapter, though, and I don't want to know ahead of time.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Harmony Ltd. on Mon Jun 24, 2013 4:15 am

I'm betting on "bittersweet".
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Kippershy on Mon Jun 24, 2013 5:00 am

O. Hinds wrote:
FeatherDust wrote:
O. Hinds wrote:Also, ugh, for some reason Gdocs thinks that pretty much every single word in Chapter 6 is misspelled.  It even offers suggestions!  "every->Did you mean Ebery?"
Check your language settings.  That usually means you accidentally got switched into German dictionary mode or something.
Huh, one can set language doc-by-doc?
Should hope so, for what it's worth. If you're handling things of different languages you don't want it to affect EVERY document you handle unless you do it at the root level.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Harmony Ltd. on Mon Jun 24, 2013 5:02 am

Unless they have changed it since two years ago, yes you can change that setting doc by doc.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Kippershy on Mon Jun 24, 2013 5:05 am

Caoimhe wrote:Has she, at this point in the story, now been in Dash form longer than her normal self?
No, she's been in her own body a lot longer than she's been Dash, even without taking into consideration the years before meeting Blackjack.
She met Blackjack some time around chapter three or four, perhaps five at the latest. From there, it wasn't until after Blackjack became a cyborg and even then it was only once they reached Hippocratic Research Labs (I'm sure) that they came into contact with the KJ.
So no, she hasn't.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Kippershy on Mon Jun 24, 2013 5:12 am

Oh, and as for the ending of PH, definitely bittersweet. The way I personally see it, there's no other fitting end for the story.
The things Blackjack has gone through, had to face with both herself and external threats, the lessons she's learned along the way and the struggles she's had to endure.
She's made her mistakes and taken more than her fair share of lives. There will be no place for a pony like her after it's all done, despite what anyone may want.
If she doesn't die, she won't be able to stop. She won't be able to simply give up trying to make the world a better place because even with all of her friends telling her otherwise, even with her quest done, the fact will remain that she will know that the wasteland isn't fixed and she'll forever have that niggling urge to do better and do what she can to help.

Perhaps I'm wrong, perhaps Somber will make it a happy ending where in the end, Blackjack just lets go of it all and lives out the rest of her days in peace... but I don't see that happening. It doesn't fit the rest of the story in that it wouldn't feel right to me. It's going to be hard, but bittersweet.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by O. Hinds on Mon Jun 24, 2013 5:29 am

Kippershy wrote:
O. Hinds wrote:
FeatherDust wrote:
O. Hinds wrote:Also, ugh, for some reason Gdocs thinks that pretty much every single word in Chapter 6 is misspelled.  It even offers suggestions!  "every->Did you mean Ebery?"
Check your language settings.  That usually means you accidentally got switched into German dictionary mode or something.
Huh, one can set language doc-by-doc?
Should hope so, for what it's worth. If you're handling things of different languages you don't want it to affect EVERY document you handle unless you do it at the root level.

Harmony Ltd. wrote:Unless they have changed it since two years ago, yes you can change that setting doc by doc.
Hm, thank you. Chapter 6 seems to have fixed itself now, though...
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Overlong Analysis Cobalt on Mon Jun 24, 2013 6:05 am

Kippershy wrote:Oh, and as for the ending of PH, definitely bittersweet. The way I personally see it, there's no other fitting end for the story.
The things Blackjack has gone through, had to face with both herself and external threats, the lessons she's learned along the way and the struggles she's had to endure.
She's made her mistakes and taken more than her fair share of lives. There will be no place for a pony like her after it's all done, despite what anyone may want.
If she doesn't die, she won't be able to stop. She won't be able to simply give up trying to make the world a better place because even with all of her friends telling her otherwise, even with her quest done, the fact will remain that she will know that the wasteland isn't fixed and she'll forever have that niggling urge to do better and do what she can to help.

Perhaps I'm wrong, perhaps Somber will make it a happy ending where in the end, Blackjack just lets go of it all and lives out the rest of her days in peace... but I don't see that happening. It doesn't fit the rest of the story in that it wouldn't feel right to me. It's going to be hard, but bittersweet.
To bring up Sandman: when the world changes around her, she herself has to change, or die. Either of those things can be VERY bittersweet, indeed.
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