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[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by StoneSlinger88 on Sat Jun 22, 2013 8:25 pm

She could give the crown to Lancer!Twilight crazy
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Luminous Lead on Sat Jun 22, 2013 8:32 pm

StoneSlinger88 wrote:She could give the crown to Lancer!Twilight crazy
I think that's what her punishment for Lancer is meant to be.  It's devious, but totally productive.

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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by O. Hinds on Sat Jun 22, 2013 8:50 pm

SilentCarto wrote:That still doesn't quite make sense. While BJ was "out", Trixie had her running in and out of the E-field. If it cut off Trixie's ability to manipulate BJ and Trixie couldn't implant ongoing instructions, BJ should have suddenly frozen in the middle of the E-field until the memory orb ran out. And if she could implant instructions, then one of those instructions could easily have been "don't think about your broadcaster" or "keep on not telling anyone". At any rate, I thought Trixie laid that down as a standing order way back when BJ had her "Unity moment" over a box of magazines in the Star House.
Ah, but by now releasing the order not to think about it, the Goddess now gets a chance to gloat about how clever she is.  As for Blackjack not realizing that she still couldn't tell people, I put that down to Blackjack being Blackjack.  At least, that's how I'm explaining it.  Does that work, or do I need to have this issue reopened until whenever I can get the others together again to address it?
Also, sorry if I sound a bit annoyed. The original lack of explanation made sense to me, a bunch of people complained, we changed it, now apparently the explanation is wrong... Also, I've not had breakfast yet.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by O. Hinds on Sat Jun 22, 2013 8:56 pm

Kippershy wrote:And a typo which has no doubt been picked up on a million times now:

"and I couple practically feel" - could practically...
Nope, that's new. Thanks!
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by CD on Sat Jun 22, 2013 9:07 pm

Man, is this a tough decision for Blackjack to make. At least Charm seems right out. All she has is the memory orbs to tempt Blackjack, and I look forward to BJ swindling her for them. Maybe have Scotch Tape torture her a bit more for them.

It's rather frustrating to see that Splendid has the best odds of ruling competently. His plans for increasing productivity just don't sound right for Blackjack to seriously consider him. Still, he's at least not as infuriating as First Citizen Lynette.

And Grace? Well, I just don't see her doing as well as Splendid, but she'd be a more or less harmless choice. Perhaps it's better if Blackjack doesn't think in terms of what the Society can do for the wasteland, but what she can do to make the Society behave, while she herself fights to improve the Hoof. It's just a pity all the infighting and assassinations could kill any 'right' choice in an instant.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Guest on Sat Jun 22, 2013 9:15 pm

Thanks OAC. Nice to know that someone agrees with me to an extent, didn't really expect that.

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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Luminous Lead on Sat Jun 22, 2013 9:25 pm

CD wrote:Man, is this a tough decision for Blackjack to make. At least Charm seems right out. All she has is the memory orbs to tempt Blackjack, and I look forward to BJ swindling her for them. Maybe have Scotch Tape torture her a bit more for them.

It's rather frustrating to see that Splendid has the best odds of ruling competently. His plans for increasing productivity just don't sound right for Blackjack to seriously consider him. Still, he's at least not as infuriating as First Citizen Lynette.

And Grace? Well, I just don't see her doing as well as Splendid, but she'd be a more or less harmless choice. Perhaps it's better if Blackjack doesn't think in terms of what the Society can do for the wasteland, but what she can do to make the Society behave, while she herself fights to improve the Hoof. It's just a pity all the infighting and assassinations could kill any 'right' choice in an instant.
When all choices are bad, sometimes the protagonist will take the third option.  Of course, in this case it's more of the fourth.

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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by O. Hinds on Sat Jun 22, 2013 9:37 pm

Train Dodger wrote:
O. Hinds wrote:I disagree here. I read it as the second one being part of "You trust everypony." Sorry.

No big deal. I like that line just fine the way it is. I hardly expect all of these edits to be accepted. It's entirely up to you to decide which ones to keep and which ones to toss. A good portion of these edit suggestions are borderline cases, anyway. Part of being thorough. I do go a little bit overboard, sometimes, but that's just because I don't want to feel like I'm missing anything that may need your attention.

Huh, just what the heck is a "micromagic cell", anyway? Something kinda like an MFC? I noticed that tidbit was cut completely from the description of Blackjack's haul.

Chapter 2:

Perk: Telekinetic Precision

Prose: Should read as "New Perk:".

(Whoops, I forgot to bold it in the example in the previous post; sorry about that)

Chapter 5:

New perk: Shotgun Surgeon

Prose: Should be capitalized as "New Perk:".

(Same deal)

Now these are forty foals you don't want as playmates:

Chapter 6:

The rain had returned while we were in Ironshod Firearms R&D; this time it was a seemingly endless drizzle that cut the world down to a thirty foot bubble around us and rendered the ground a layer of slippery muck.

Grammar: Should be hyphenated as "thirty-foot".

I wasn’t going to discard a single bullet or bit of loot that might contribute to our ten-thousand cap goal, though, and with P-21’s injured leg and Glory’s lack of pockets that left me slogging through knee-deep mud while they trotted ahead.

Grammar: Should be revised as follows:

[I wasn’t going to discard a single bullet or bit of loot that might contribute to our ten-thousand-cap goal, though, and with P-21’s injured leg and Glory’s lack of pockets, that left me slogging through knee-deep mud while they trotted ahead.]

OR

[I wasn’t going to discard a single bullet or bit of loot that might contribute to our ten-thousand-cap goal, though, and with P-21’s injured leg and Glory’s lack of pockets, I was left slogging through knee-deep mud while they trotted ahead.]

Never have I been so happy to reach a parking lot.

Comment: She's spent her entire life underground. This is one of the first few times she's been in a parking lot, so I can't imagine the novelty's worn off yet. Still, I like this passage as-is. You can see the weariness creeping in already.

One day I’d find somepony who could explain how the magical cuff could tell if something was going to shoot me off hand or not.

Grammar: Should be a comma after "day". Also, "off hand" is usually hyphenated as "off-hand" or compounded as "offhand".

Their clothes were trimmed and patch free.

Grammar: Needs a hyphen between patch and free.

Refreshment involved chilled Sparkle-Cola RAD, which had a delicious sharp radish flavor –and more clicks on the radiation sensor- and some fresh carrots and apples.

Grammar: The parenthetical text should have additional spaces between the dashes, and the em dash should be copied over the hyphen at the end:

[Refreshment involved chilled Sparkle-Cola RAD, which had a delicious sharp radish flavor – and more clicks on the radiation sensor – and some fresh carrots and apples.]

“So, excuse me for wanting to talk business while we eat, but who exactly are we evicting from that building?” P-21 asked as he batted a half eaten carrot around his plate.

Grammar: Should be hyphenated as "half-eaten".

I gave him a sharp glare that hopefully said ‘do not piss off the nice unicorn with the hot flank.’

Grammar: Period should be outside the single-quote mark.

“Members of the Collegiate that have some academic interest in the site,” Splendid said calmly, without showing the slightest bit of umbrage.

Prose: The word "umbrage" is generally used in exactly the same way as "offense", as in "offended", which means it should be paired with the adjective "taking" rather than "showing".

Heh. Umbrage. Actually, you know, it's funny. For an idiot, Blackjack has an amazing vocabulary. I kid you not; in 53, the narrative actually describes something as diaphanous. Maybe all that taint and radiation is good for your brain!

But for a thousand years and more Equestria knew peace and harmony under an autocrat.

Grammar: Should be a comma after "more".

Somehow, the fact we were in a rusty sky trailer drinking two hundred year old soda and finding fresh food a luxury made such a simple nostalgic desire both tantalizing and disappointing.

Grammar: Should be hyphenated as "two-hundred-year-old".

“What’s gotten into you?” I asked, and grinned at he went even redder.

Grammar: [at] > [as]

The brown buck with scraggly black mane nodded.

Grammar: [with] > [with a]

“There is.  When we got here, we found that the upper levels are completely untouched.  They must have sealed hermetically when the bombs fell and only disengaged when radiation levels dropped to survivable levels.”

Prose: Repetition. Consider "when the background radiation dropped to survivable levels", instead.

A plaque at the base of the statue read, ‘We Must Do Better.’  Looking at the pegasus’ gentle smile, I couldn’t shake the feeling that the statue wept for all the decay around her.

Grammar: Unless the text on the plaque itself has a period, which is a distinct possibility, the period should be outside single-quote mark. Also:

[pegasus'] > [pegasus's]

There was way too much space around me and the glass walls didn’t provide enough illusion.

Prose: While she is presumably referring to the illusion of being in an enclosed space, to the majority of readers, this sentence might seem to trail off. Instead, try:

[There was way too much open space around me.  The glass walls didn’t help.]

My PipBuck’s chronometer might still mark the time, but every minute felt like an hour.

Prose: Should be past tense, as in "might've still marked the time".

I was not used to the soft chime music that played softly all around us like an invisible music box that kept playing just a touch too slowly.

Prose: Repetition. Consider revising to:

[I was not used to the soft, chiming melody that played all around us, like an invisible music box with a cylinder that turned just a touch too slowly.]

There were other little variances; dolls hanging from in the middle of the hallway.

Grammar: Hanging from what, now? Might make more sense if this were revised to read:

[There were other little variances; dolls hanging from the ceiling in the middle of the hallway.]

OR

[There were other little variances; dolls hanging from light fixtures in the middle of the hallway.]

Two dozen bed sheets stretched across the hallway, decorated with maroon houses and stick figures.  And more detailed pictures of ponies.  And… fire.  And ponies fighting.  Ponies dismembered.

Prose: The word "pictures" evokes a mental image of photographs pinned to the sheets. Consider replacing it with "paintings".

“Calm down,” I muttered, trying my best not to freak out.  “It’s just a head.”  As we watched a little door opened up and a small mechanical pony trotted out and washed off the smears of blood with rotating buffers on its hooves.  It ignored the severed head.  Now that was some shoddy programming.  Then it turned and disappeared back into its little door.

Prose: This paragraph is somewhat confusing. The location of the door to the maintenance robot's enclosure is never explicitly stated. Given the context of the passages preceding it, a particularly hasty reader may initially be given the impression that the robot actually emerged from the severed head, transforming what should be a truly horrific event in the story into a moment of surreal comedy. To resolve this ambiguity, consider revising to:

[“Calm down,” I muttered, trying my best not to freak out.  “It’s just a head.”  As we watched, a knee-high door in the wall opened up and a small mechanical pony trotted out and washed off the smears of blood with rotating buffers on its hooves.  It ignored the severed head.  Now that was some shoddy programming.  Then it turned and disappeared back into its little door.]

>Peek a boo.  I see you.

Grammar: "Peek a boo" should be hyphenated as "Peek-a-boo".

The scream that began to play from the terminal rose and fell at ear splitting volume.

Grammar: The separate words "ear splitting" can be hyphenated as "ear-splitting", or compounded to "earsplitting".

We came across a door with something new carved in the wood paneling.  ‘Ollie Ollie Oxen Free’.  I carefully opened it telekinetically, revealing a desiccated corpse ruled in a fetal position in the tiny space at the bottom of the linen closet.

Grammar: Shouldn't this say "rolled" instead?

Scratched in the wood before the body was a simple eulogy: ‘I don’t want to play anymore.’

Grammar: Again, unless the quoted text has a period, the period should be outside the single-quote mark. This one looks fairly natural as-is, though.

Morning Glory hyperventilated as P-21 talked to her in his soft low voice, holding the young pegasus to keep her from falling over.

Prose: Seems kinda redundant. Consider using one or the other: "soft" or "low". Alternatively, since both "in his soft voice" and "in his low voice" look a little bit weird, consider "talked to her in a hushed tone".

I found an ID card that read ‘Chief Nurse Tenderheart.’

Grammar: Period should probably go outside the single quote mark.

Hopefully door locks like the kind that protected experimental healing goods…  Fuck that.  Hopefully it would get the three of us out of here.

Prose: This statement introduces a small continuity issue. She seems to be implying that they're trapped. As far as the reader knows, they can still make for the exit. See notes at the end of this overview for more details.

Through reflex more than thought my telekinesis flung them away as the three of us hit the deck.   Silence.  Silence.  Silence.

Grammar: Triple-space between words in bold.

Sick fu- wait...not sick enough.

Grammar: Missing space after ellipsis.

I looked ahead with a scowl.  “Whatever’s in here had better be worth it; I’m in shooty kind of mood.”

Grammar: [in shooty] > [in a shooty]

A body dressed in a foal’s tutu impaled on a turn table.

Grammar: Should be compounded as "turntable".

Everything was neat and clean and tidy; I was starting the hate the cleanliness.

Grammar: [the] > [to]

Also, this sentence begins with a single-space instead of a double-space.

I was getting sick of wooded wall paper and frozen birds and butterflies.

Grammar: Should be compounded as "wallpaper".

I used the bits we had to clean out the soda machines, sharing one with each of them.

Prose: Them who? Her friends, or the pop machines? What's she sharing? Consider revising to:

[I used the bits we had to clean out the soda machines, sharing two of the carbonated beverages with Glory and P-21.]

Ehh, "carbonated beverages" might have a few too many syllables for Blackjack. Too prim and proper. Too sciency. Consider "fizzy drinks" as an alternative revision, too.

A means of preserving injured or sick ponies.  “This is it,” I said in excitement.  “If Splendid can bring his father here they can keep him alive till the Collegiate makes a cure.  Heee!  I love it when a plan comes together!”

Grammar: Should be a comma between "here" and "they".

From the roof came a sharp flash and I felt the bite of a beam weapon hit my chest.

Prose: [roof] > [ceiling]

Silence.  Green light!  Red light!  Green light!   Red light!  Morning Glory staggered a half step forward and cried out as the beam turret struck her leg.

Grammar: Triple-space between words in bold.

Give up and die… that was the easy out.  The contemptuous way out.

Prose: Should most likely be:

[contemptuous] > [contemptible]

I passed him the key card.

Grammar: The term "key card" can also be compounded as "keycard".

“You do the pony pokie and you turn yourself around.  That’s what it’s all about.”

Typo: [pokie] > [pokey]

“You load another shell in and you blast it all about!  You do the pony pokie and take the fuckers out.  That’s what it’s all about!”

Typo: [pokie] > [pokey]

The shoulders of the filly ripped as two metallic tendrils burst from her shoulders.

Prose: Repetition. Consider revising to:

[The filly's dress ripped as two metallic tendrils burst from her shoulders.]

The lights kept flickering on and off, making me jump as portions appeared and disappeared.

Prose: Portions of what? Consider revising:

[The lights kept flickering on and off, making me jump as entire hallway segments appeared and disappeared.]

With a wry smile, I picked up a file on top of one of the towers.  ‘Marigold: P:H medical authorization: Denied.’  Only the Ministry of Peace could have a form denial stamp with frowning bunnies, I supposed.

Prose: Should there be a colon in this acronym? Trottenheimer's journal referred to it simply as PH, but I suppose it could easily be explained as a simple difference in formatting between the two documents in-universe.

Some idiot severed the maneframe control  ….kzzzzzzt… scalpel and got electrocuted for her trouble.

Grammar: This ellipsis has four periods instead of the standard three.

The biomedical team found the …kkkkzzztt… experimental of course, but it’s almost a megaspell level infusion.

Grammar: Should probably be hyphenated as "megaspell-level".

Skinned them alive.  They were... posed.  It’s got to be Morn… kzzzzt… or Nigh… kkkztttt…. find them, they’re arrested and command can figure out who to shoot.

Grammar: Should be three periods.

I’ll shoot em myself and save command the trouble.

Grammar: This contraction of "them" should have an apostrophe before it.

[em] > ['em]

….zzzzzzt…. tired of playing…

Grammar: Should be three periods.

A white mare with graying pink hair stood behind the desk in...an undamaged version of  the office I’d just been in?

Grammar: No space after ellipsis. Also, double-space between "of" and "the".

Then the door opened and admitted a purple mare with smiling flowers on her flank.  She had wrinkles around her eyes and her hair was completely gray.  The two mares looked at one another with clear dislike… and yet I could tell there’d once been the foundations of friendship between the two.  Nopony shows that much regret without having lost something dear.

Prose: The way this paragraph is structured, some readers may assume that Cheerilee had a staredown with Garnet instead of Redheart. Consider revising:

[Then the door opened and admitted a purple mare with smiling flowers on her flank.  She had wrinkles around her eyes and her hair was completely gray.  Garnet watched as the two mares looked at one another with clear dislike… and yet I could tell there’d once been the foundations of friendship between the two.  Nopony shows that much regret without having lost something dear.]

Cheerilee.  So good to see you again.  How are things at the education bureau?” my… host?... inquired, rising and giving a polite hug.

Grammar: Since the dialogue tag is all one sentence, this question mark should probably be removed. The presence of the ellipses alone is enough to denote uncertainty on Blackjack's part.

Once everyone settled in to a little circle, Redheart immediately spoke to the purple mare beside her.  “I know you’ve had second thoughts, Cheerilee, but we’re already committed to their use.”

Grammar: [in to] > [into]

“I know that you’re upset, Cheerilee, but we’ve tested them for three months with no ill effects, aside for a few complaints about boredom.”

Prose: Should probably be "aside from". Perhaps.

I saw the spectre of Redheart and Cheerilee’s friendship appear as the former walked over, bit a box of tissues, and offered one to the other mare.

Typo: Assuming that we're using American spellings, this should be:

[spectre] > [specter]

“Oh, don’t worry about it.  Oh, just a heads up that Robronco will be here to tie the maintenance robots into the system maneframe.  Once their control system is linked to the bots, your nurses shouldn’t have to worry about them causing messes.”

Grammar: Should be hyphenated as "heads-up".

Then the Enclave arrived and connected the maneframe again.  The children had resumed their games, honed after decades of being trapped within themselves.

Comment: How did they hone much of anything without access to their drone-controlled equipment? Simulations? Thought experiments?


Then I heard the sharp crack from near the roof and the air vent tumbled into the room.  Glory poked her head in, eyes wide, teeth clenched on her beam pistol.  Right now she was a more welcome sight than Splendid stepping out of a hot shower.

    “Bad.  Bad.  Bad ponies.  Bad.” the robots chanted as the medical arm released my guts and reversed to slam itself against the grate.  Glory leapt into the air, circling the arm as she looped above me.


Prose: When Glory breaks into the operating room to rescue Blackjack, it isn't quite clear how she makes her entrance. Did the grating land on the robotic arm? How far away is the air vent? Why would the robotic arm have to knock the grating away if it landed on the floor? Is the vent opening horizontal or vertical? Consider revising:

[Then, I heard a sharp crack from the ceiling directly above me. An air vent cover collapsed onto the robotic arm, jamming its metallic hand deeper into my innards.  Glory poked her head in, eyes wide, teeth clenched on her beam pistol.  Right now she was a more welcome sight than Splendid stepping out of a hot shower.

    “Bad.  Bad.  Bad ponies.  Bad.” the robots chanted as the medical arm released my guts and reversed to slam itself against the fallen grating.  Glory dived from the ductwork, circling the arm as she looped above me.]

Ouch.

I lifted my head and looked at the buckles on the straps holding my limbs.  Pain made the world black out around my edges of my vision as I fumbled with my magic.

Prose: [my] > [the]

One of the buckles came free..  Then another.  Then another.

Grammar: Two periods instead of one.

When I came to, I felt good.  Great.  Wonderful in fact.

Grammar: Needs comma after "Wonderful".

> Patient intercom system: Error.  System disabled.

Grammar: There's a space between the terminal line break indicator and the word "Patient". The others don't have one. Consider removing this space.

P-21 shook his head firmly as he looked at the wide eyed pegasus.

Grammar: Consider hyphenating as "wide-eyed".

“I want to do one.  She wants to do the other.  You’re the tie breaker.”

Grammar: Can also be compounded as "tiebreaker".

I choked, but then Glory sang after me, “Drifting off to sleep, leave exciting day behind you.  Drifting off to sleep.  Let the joy of daylight find you.”  She was falling apart as badly as I was.  The only light in the room was the jagged readouts on each pod that became less and less erratic till they became flat lines.

    P-21 then shocked us both as he raised his voice and finished, “Hush now, quiet now.  Lay down your sleepy head.  Hush now, quiet now.  It’s time to go to bed.”  With that he bowed his head as well as I sank to the floor.  Finally the flat readings winked out one after the other.

Prose: The words marked in bold aren't found in the original lyrics. Unless the variations are introduced by Glory and P-21 misremembering the lyrics, consider removing them.

To my surprise, Redheart yielded the object to my magic surprisingly easily.

Prose: Repetition. Consider revising to:

[To my bewilderment, Redheart yielded the object to my magic surprisingly easily.]

Footnote: Level up.
New perk: Foal at Heart- This perk greatly improves your interactions with children.
Skill note: Speech- 50

Prose: Standardized as:

[Footnote: Level Up.

Skill Note: Speech (50)

New Perk: Foal at Heart – This perk greatly improves your interactions with children.]


* * * * * * *

When Blackjack says that she hopes Tenderheart's ID badge will get them out of there, she's essentially implying that the readers are supposed to assume the three of them are trapped on the upper floors. They can still turn around, head back to the elevator and take it down to ground level, right? Nothing so far had indicated otherwise.

That passage would have made a lot more sense if they'd tried heading back down to warn the others at the first sign of trouble, only to find the way back blocked off.

Blackjack's mental reaction to seeing 'PLAY' written on the wall upon exiting the lift always seemed a little too dramatic to me. At that point, she didn't know who wrote it, when, or why, or even that it was written in blood.

After the line: [In flaking black-maroon letters, a single word was written as if with a paintbrush. ‘PLAY’.], consider adding a sentence or two where Morning Glory tries the lift controls, only to find them disabled, and Blackjack notices this. Now that's something that would make me think "horseapples", were I in her situation.

On the other hand, Glory wouldn't have been stuck with Blackjack and P-21 even if the way was blocked to on-hoof travel; the Fluttershy Medical Center has an open atrium in the center, presumably viewable from balconies on the upper floors. Glory could simply hop over the safety railing and glide to the bottom at any time. Hell, she could even carry the other two down, if need be. I mean, they're certainly trapped later on, but at that stage, it's not so clear.

Damn, I can see why Somber made Glory ground-bound in later chapters. It sure is convenient having fliers around. Too convenient. Leads to plot holes a-plenty. Makes readers ask "Why didn't they just, you know, wing it?"

* * * * * * *

This chapter is one of my favorites.

I thought Blackjack's objectifying gaze towards Splendid was hilarious.

Actually, given her history, it's not hilarious. It's a little bit creepy.

The atmosphere in the hospital is just downright hellish, especially the bait-and-switch where you think it's one of the Enclave gone nuts, but it turns out to be a bunch of kids in stasis pods setting up traps for people.

Heheheh, Ceiling Glory is Watching You Disembowel Blackjack. God, that whole scene made me squirm in my seat.
Ah, thank you very much.

Also, ugh, for some reason Gdocs thinks that pretty much every single word in Chapter 6 is misspelled. It even offers suggestions! "every->Did you mean Ebery?"

Train Dodger wrote:Prose: The word "umbrage" is generally used in exactly the same way as "offense", as in "offended", which means it should be paired with the adjective "taking" rather than "showing".

Heh. Umbrage. Actually, you know, it's funny. For an idiot, Blackjack has an amazing vocabulary. I kid you not; in 53, the narrative actually describes something as diaphanous. Maybe all that taint and radiation is good for your brain!
Blackjack has no way of knowing whether he took umbrage or not, though; she only knows that it doesn't look like he did.

As for the vocabulary… I think that a lot of that is just us having difficultly not using big words. :)

Train Dodger wrote:Prose: This statement introduces a small continuity issue. She seems to be implying that they're trapped. As far as the reader knows, they can still make for the exit. See notes at the end of this overview for more details.
I've just deleted the offending statement. Also, in the future, please don't separate corrections like that (putting part of it here and part of it at the bottom of the post). I'm not really sure why you did it here, actually.

Train Dodger wrote:I thought Blackjack's objectifying gaze towards Splendid was hilarious.

Actually, given her history, it's not hilarious. It's a little bit creepy.
Hm, interesting point.

Train Dodger wrote:Heheheh, Ceiling Glory is Watching You Disembowel Blackjack.
:)
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Derpmind on Sat Jun 22, 2013 10:38 pm

Luminous Lead wrote:I, for one, welcome the new Zebra overlord.

Dash clapping All my brohoofs, that was hilarious!

*Ahem* Sorry, but Queen Charity is best princess.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by CD on Sun Jun 23, 2013 1:23 pm

A thought occurred to me. Blackjack has previously expressed a child wish for when her troubles in the Hoof are over, but we know she's sterile as long as she carries her inhibitor implant. And now Glory, in heat, had sex with Splendid. What are the odds that she's been impregnated by him and is now carrying his foal? We might still see a happy ending with babies ever after for Blackjack yet.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Derpmind on Sun Jun 23, 2013 1:26 pm

CD wrote:A thought occurred to me. Blackjack has previously expressed a child wish for when her troubles in the Hoof are over, but we know she's sterile as long as she carries her inhibitor implant. And now Glory, in heat, had sex with Splendid. What are the odds that she's been impregnated by him and is now carrying his foal? We might still see a happy ending with babies ever after for Blackjack yet.

Judging by how often we see the question "Do you still have your implant" I suspect that the inhibitor implants might not be very hard to remove.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Kippershy on Sun Jun 23, 2013 1:59 pm

For some reason, I really want some R34 art of Blackjack x Lancer now.
Perhaps even giving him a BJ, for pun's sake.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by CD on Sun Jun 23, 2013 2:20 pm

Kippershy wrote:For some reason, I really want some R34 art of Blackjack x Lancer now.
Perhaps even giving him a BJ, for pun's sake.
Well, she's practically had his gun in her mouth several times now. It's getting to the point one should be telling the other that they have to stop meeting like this.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Mister Nikel on Sun Jun 23, 2013 2:24 pm

Just read 56. It's been a while but totally worth it. I like the old Rampage coming back too, even if it's partly a ruse.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Kippershy on Sun Jun 23, 2013 3:17 pm

I have so many secrets... well, two really, but two secret spoilers...
Oh my, oh my. I don't know if I'm allowed to even hint at what either of them might be yet, but I'm going to admit that I know them.
Hate me, mortals, for I know things you don't.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by FeatherDust on Sun Jun 23, 2013 3:27 pm

O. Hinds wrote:
Evilgidgit wrote:Another popular fan story is a certain one called Cupcakes.Crazy

Also, I think I found a grammar error in Chapter 46. About four pages before the end of the chapter:

"What?" I asked as looked from him to the armour.

Should there be an I in there?
Ah, thank you, though I think that it's just meant to be armor (American/Commonwealth spelling differences).
edit: Are you sure that that was in 46?  I'm not finding it.  Oh, actually, here it is; it was already corrected.  Thank you anyway.

No, no, you missed the point, it's not the spelling of armor.  There should be an "I" in there between "as" and "looked".  The second clause lacks a subject.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Harmony Ltd. on Sun Jun 23, 2013 3:48 pm

Kippershy wrote:I have so many secrets... well, two really, but two secret spoilers...
Oh my, oh my. I don't know if I'm allowed to even hint at what either of them might be yet, but I'm going to admit that I know them.
Hate me, mortals, for I know things you don't.
There are things mortals were not meant to know.

For example, what was the color of Thatcher's panties ? Such a thing should remain unknown.

As are whatever spoilers you have in mind. And anything that could hint to them.

Who knows what horrors, what unspeakable furies you could unleash with the mere touch of a few keyboard keys ?

Better not to tempt fate.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Guest on Sun Jun 23, 2013 4:04 pm

I think I know one of the secrets you're talking about Kipp. No idea on the other one though.

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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Harmony Ltd. on Sun Jun 23, 2013 4:16 pm

Spoiler : everyone dies.

Eventually.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Vergil on Sun Jun 23, 2013 5:32 pm

Harmony Ltd. wrote:Spoiler : everyone dies.

Eventually.
Dangit Harm this is why we can't have nice things.

Loved the unexpected (for me anyway) chapter on Friday. Needed something to improve my mood at the time given all I've been putting up with for the last two weeks- that Lacunae scene will just about do it.

Keep it up guys. Thank you!
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Harmony Ltd. on Sun Jun 23, 2013 5:40 pm

Vergil wrote:Dangit Harm this is why we can't have nice things.
Luna

Harm the Despoiler
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Harmony Ltd. on Sun Jun 23, 2013 5:54 pm

Anyway, talk about the chapter...

The Splendid / Glory thing... I expect we haven't seen the end of it. It's probably going to come bite Glory and Blackjack's relationship in the ass later on. I'm pretty sure about it.

The question is how, and when.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by FeatherDust on Sun Jun 23, 2013 5:55 pm

Somber wrote:There's one other reason that I believe the Glory / Splendid union was plausible beyond hormones.  She's in Dash's body, and she's been influenced by the body's wiring and inclination, and Rainbow Dash in FoE was straight.  So it pushed her to a yes.  If she was in her own body she would have been far more resistant and would have said no, like she's said every time she cycled back home. 
For that matter, Dash canonically has impulse control issues, and we've already seen that Glory is borrowing some of that.  Glory has had a scant few weeks to learn to mitigate her new instinct to follow impulses.

Also, Splendid is incredibly attractive (as previously stated in the text), so this strikes me as more of a set of perfect circumstances rather than anything else.

O. Hinds wrote:
Somber wrote:I hope this doesn't become a legate thing, because I can't change it much.  I can add that comment about Dash's body if it helps though.
Eh... We can do it if you think we need to, but I'd rather not.  I think that it's entirely plausible as is, without further clarification.

The fact that Glory slept with Splendid bothered me a lot less than Glory essentially saying Blackjack as a free pass for one screw in the future.  Isn't this Glory cashing in the free pass BJ gave her (which she, at the time, rejected) after they made up after the whole thing with Stygius?  They're even now, so BJ shouldn't have another free pass, unless it's just Glory giving up on convincing BJ to be monogamous.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Harmony Ltd. on Sun Jun 23, 2013 5:58 pm

FeatherDust wrote:The fact that Glory slept with Splendid bothered me a lot less than Glory essentially saying Blackjack as a free pass for one screw in the future.  Isn't this Glory cashing in the free pass BJ gave her (which she, at the time, rejected) after they made up after the whole thing with Stygius?  They're even now, so BJ shouldn't have another free pass, unless it's just Glory giving up on convincing BJ to be monogamous.
Or maybe it's Glory feeling guilty and not wanting to come off as hypocritical ?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Guarddogjr on Sun Jun 23, 2013 6:02 pm

Feather Duster wrote:The fact that Glory slept with Splendid bothered me a lot less than Glory essentially saying Blackjack as a free pass for one screw in the future.  Isn't this Glory cashing in the free pass BJ gave her (which she, at the time, rejected) after they made up after the whole thing with Stygius?  They're even now, so BJ shouldn't have another free pass, unless it's just Glory giving up on convincing BJ to be monogamous.


^This is something I agree with, as well as what Last and OAC previously stated. Glory is now even and that's that. Of course BJ probably doesn't see it that, but more less Glory could of said that and maybe, just maybe Blackjack would've gotten the idea that it's a serious deal, that may also be because I don't think Glory would be so willing to just give up on convincing BJ of monogamy since that's been basically ingrained in her since she was a foal
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by FeatherDust on Sun Jun 23, 2013 6:09 pm

O. Hinds wrote:Also, ugh, for some reason Gdocs thinks that pretty much every single word in Chapter 6 is misspelled.  It even offers suggestions!  "every->Did you mean Ebery?"
Check your language settings.  That usually means you accidentally got switched into German dictionary mode or something.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Harmony Ltd. on Sun Jun 23, 2013 6:23 pm

Guarddogjr wrote:
Feather Duster wrote:The fact that Glory slept with Splendid bothered me a lot less than Glory essentially saying Blackjack as a free pass for one screw in the future.  Isn't this Glory cashing in the free pass BJ gave her (which she, at the time, rejected) after they made up after the whole thing with Stygius?  They're even now, so BJ shouldn't have another free pass, unless it's just Glory giving up on convincing BJ to be monogamous.


^This is something I agree with, as well as what Last and OAC previously stated. Glory is now even and that's that. Of course BJ probably doesn't see it that, but more less Glory could of said that and maybe, just maybe Blackjack would've gotten the idea that it's a serious deal, that may also be because I don't think Glory would be so willing to just give up on convincing BJ of monogamy since that's been basically ingrained in her since she was a foal
Well, Blackjack was also brought up in a environment for which polygamy was the natural state of things and where monogamy was seen as something deviant.

What I think we're seeing is one "winning" (by forfeit) the other to its views, somewhat.

And don't get me wrong, this is going to cause drama sooner or later. But I think things have been leading up to that for a while now.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by FeatherDust on Sun Jun 23, 2013 6:24 pm

So, not one but FOUR examples of Boo's Weird Luck thing this time around.

First, when BJ spikes the crown off the floor and it neatly lands on Boo's head.  I can't help feeling there's some kind of symbolism with that.

Second, during the kidnapping, one of the kidnappers randomly trips right after releasing Boo, his gun goes off, and he knocks a cart chassis loose to crush him and his buddy.

Third, perhaps most weirdly, Boo seems to be responding to Dealer's comments.  She clearly wasn't in on the discussion at first, giving BJ a confused look at the 'talking to the air', and then she started seeming to respond to it, almost as if once she knew BJ was talking to somebody it took her some time to tune into the right frequency.  But even if she could hear it, there's no WAY our little Boo could understand a complicated discussion of ethics, so what's going on here?  I got nothin'.

Fourth, when the Goddess ASSUMED DIRECT CONTROL of Blackjack, Boo was scared for a few seconds, and then seemed to just understand that she wasn't in danger, and that this wasn't Blackjack doing this stuff.

Actually one last thing, possibly even weirder than #3 above... Boo was embarrassed about having been in the room while BJ was masturbating.  That's not only a sign of her increasing "personhood", it suggests she's picking up social mores from somewhere other than her interaction with Blackjack and the others.  An animal doesn't care who's around at a time like that; why would a blank?  And nothing they've been through that I can see should have instilled a sense that sexual activity is something private that should not be intruded on.  So where's that coming from?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Harmony Ltd. on Sun Jun 23, 2013 6:38 pm

It has been suggested I think (or maybe I'm just inventing that on the spot) that Boo may have become "tuned" to Blackjack, which might explain :

- Why Boo can apparently see and hear things only Blackjack can.

- Why Boo reacted the way she did to BJ masturbating in front of her : it's in fact BJ projecting a feeling of shame onto Boo, which made Boo "feel" "embarrassed".

- Why Boo was distraught when separated from Blackjack for a long period of time : she's become a part of her, to some extent.


As for the weird luck of Boo... well, we know that she is born of Discord's blood. We also know that Blackjack got kissed by Discord. And it's become pretty evident that Boo isn't your run of the mill blank, but that there is something special about here - One In A Million. Blackjack's cutie mark also represent a game of luck and gamble. And if Boo got "tuned" into Blackjack...

I may be reading too much into that.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Kippershy on Sun Jun 23, 2013 6:51 pm

Harmony Ltd. wrote:It has been suggested I think (or maybe I'm just inventing that on the spot) that Boo may have become "tuned" to Blackjack, which might explain :

- Why Boo can apparently see and hear things only Blackjack can.

- Why Boo reacted the way she did to BJ masturbating in front of her : it's in fact BJ projecting a feeling of shame onto Boo, which made Boo "feel" "embarrassed".

- Why Boo was distraught when separated from Blackjack for a long period of time : she's become a part of her, to some extent.


As for the weird luck of Boo... well, we know that she is born of Discord's blood. We also know that Blackjack got kissed by Discord. And it's become pretty evident that Boo isn't your run of the mill blank, but that there is something special about here - One In A Million. Blackjack's cutie mark also represent a game of luck and gamble. And if Boo got "tuned" into Blackjack...

I may be reading too much into that.
Wait, Blackjack masturbated in front of her? I don't remember that part.
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